Being the Single Bi-Fem in a threesome

[crazycatz 17]

Hi Everyone,

 

I was on here some time ago asking for advice as part of a couple.

 

I'm now posting as a single bi-fem and playing that way as well

 

I have my first MFF organised for next weekend and I'm just a little nervous.

I've had threesomes before but as part of a couple and they've all been MMFs and so I was hoping you would kindly offer some advice and tips re: etiquette for the single bi-fem joining a couple for some fun.

 

I have met this couple for drinks already and we all get on great so I'm looking forward to it. I've invited them to my home (I just feel safer and more comfortable that way). I've tried to discuss things with them about how they see the night progressing but all I can get out of either of them is let's just go with the flow and have all of us involved at once with no-one left out. That's fine by me but I guess I am just afraid this is an indicator that they haven't talked this through enough as a couple. (This is their first time playing with anyone as a couple).

 

So are there certain things I should do/avoid? Any tips for getting things started? Or things I should be cautious of?

 

Your help is greatly appreciated.

[havefuninsun 122]

Well ... it could be they've talked things out. The second time we played with our female friend, Mr. Fun had an agenda ... problem was, he didn't let me in on what the agenda was, and things didn't go as smoothly as they could have. So now he know that I need to get the memo ahead of time, so I don't feel left out. It is actually a lot of pressure on the dude, pleasing two women and all ... LOL! Our female friend is slowly testing, and tasting, her "bi" side, which was part of the confusion on my part.

 

Anyway, that's not helpful at all. But, go with the flow. My guess is that they'll at least be on the same page ... and it will be good for you!!!

 

Have fun!! Let us know what happens

[TNT 1,155]

(This is their first time playing with anyone as a couple).

 

So are there certain things I should do/avoid? Any tips for getting things started? Or things I should be cautious of?

 

Your help is greatly appreciated.

 

 

Since this is their first time playing with anyone as a couple...I'd suggest keeping that extra eye out for the green monster. With it being the first time, the female half may have a bit of a problem with seeing her SO showing attention to another female.

 

If I were in your place I'd take the whole evening very slow and ask questions of both of them during play...just to make sure both of them were handling the situation okay. I would probably even pay a bit more attention to the female half, especially in the beginning of the evening, than the male half (if both of you are bi).

 

Asking what they would like to happen is a good way to get the evening going, you may have to ask for specifics if they reply "Whatever" ...such as...Would you like for me to lick your nipples...or would you like to lick mine...Whatever question was asked, I'd maneuver into a position so that I could start doing whatever the answer was...Would you like me to lick your nipples? Yes. I'd move to start licking her nipples.

 

It could be that both of them will be very comfortable with everything and you'll have no reason for any concerns.

 

Don't forget, you're also in this and things you would like to have happen are just as important as what the couple would like to have happen.

 

 

Teresa

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Be careful that going with the flow doesn't mean someone getting flushed.

 

A new couple can be great or it can be a headache. Be specific with your questions and looking for specific answers. After all you are the unicorn and to play with a unicorn she needs to be happy!!! There are enough couples out there that are strong in their relationship and swinging. So couples need you more than you need them. Take your time and be happy.

 

The Unicorn is in control and in charge of any situation. I prefer a hotel. At least help is close and a phone call away. It's also neutral territory.

[crazycatz 17]

Thanks very much for the replies and tips!

Yeah I guess there seems to be little discussion of what I want so I'm kinda worried about that as well. I'm also quite worried about the green eyed monster rearing its ugly head!

But hopefully all will go well and it will be great fun!

I'll let you know how it goes.

[DBL D 120]

Hey Crazy,

 

Have you made it clear that you want to be with both of them? What YOU would like to do? Nothin' wrong with being a teacher now and then instead of depending on the other couple. I mean, you want to be fulfilled too. Ask questions on how that can best be accomplished.

 

Male D

[crazycatz 17]

Hey DBL D,

Yes I have discussed that and it will be full play with both but I raised the idea of started off by watching the two of them play and they didn't want that. (I am quite turned on by the idea of watching a couple have sex and also being watched as well) but they are totally against it ...they want all three of us playing at the same time always.

 

They are expecting me to be the teacher...which can be fun, but also has its drawbacks.

[ShellyM 0]

Catz, remember to HAVE FUN!!!

[DBL D 120]

Hey DBL D,

Yes I have discussed that and it will be full play with both but I raised the idea of started off by watching the two of them play and they didn't want that. (I am quite turned on by the idea of watching a couple have sex and also being watched as well) but they are totally against it ...they want all three of us playing at the same time always.

 

They are expecting me to be the teacher...which can be fun, but also has its drawbacks.

 

 

Well that part about them not wanting you to watch them goes against what YOU want. Kind of a red flag? But maybe not that important?

 

Maybe as the teacher you can help them understand what it does for you to see your lovers embracing...

 

I know it will go well and you will have some fun.

 

M.D.

[crazycatz 17]

Well this is scheduled to go ahead tomorrow night!! I'm really looking forward to it!

 

Will let you know how I get on!

 

Thanks for the help.

[Swing*8701 887]

A beginning is always a difficult time.

 

Susan here--That being said, when I began Playing I was single and met married couples. Now, they always knew I was going to have both of them and hopefully your couple realizes that. Now, when it comes to Play, I realized exactly what to do after being at a Morrocan wedding that had a belly dancer. Why is a gorgeous, scantilly clad woman welcome at a wedding ? Well, she flirts with the men and the women. Serves as a catalyst for sex by creating a playful,non-threatening environment to both genders.

 

I do the same, I flirt shamelessly with both members of the couple. And when its a ffm threesome, I start sex with the woman first knowing the man will be joining in sooner rather than later.

 

And as mentioned by TNT, as the Unicorn, I am in control of the Play, but always in a nice way.

[crazycatz 17]

Hey,

Thanks to everyone who responded with advice. It happened last night and went extremely well!!! I was actually glad that I invited the couple to my home...I felt more in control of the situation somehow. I would definitely consider that for any future meets as well.

 

I was surprised at how smoothly it went...there was no drama and fun was had by all.

 

Thanks again!

[TNT 1,155]

That's great to hear !

 

Glad you had fun.

 

 

Teresa

[ShellyM 0]

Yes, fantastic that y'all had a great time!!!

[DBL D 120]

Sounded like a very exciting time. So glad things worked out so well.

 

Now you are on your way!

 

M.D.

[crazycatz 17]

An update here that I would really appreciate your thoughts on.

 

So a couple of weeks ago I got an email from this couple that i had this threesome with (i.e. the email was sent from their joint profile account). There was no name signed only an 'love to hear from you'.

 

So I responded lightly with new years greetings. we exchanged about 3 emails before the email was signed. It was clear this was coming from one person and not both of them as the mails were written in the first person. After the third email the female half of the couple signed her initial.

 

We exchange a couple of more friendly emails and then she tells me that her and her partner have split. Apparently he finished it. Now the commication from her is still ongoing but infrequent and distant.

 

Any thoughts on what is going on here? I feel like I want to avoid contact with her...I'm scared this had something to do with me. The timing just seems odd.

Do you think I should be worried or am I being overly cautious here?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Odd. I'm curious have you kept in contact with them since your initial threesome? Was that the only time you played? How long had they been together prior to the threesome?

 

My thought if it was just her contacting you following their split, is that maybe she is now interested in playing as a single female as well (or in exploring her bi-side more) and sees you as a door to doing that. If you were her only experience in either of those departments then you are probably the only person she could think of to contact that might be able to give her guidance in how to move in that direction.

 

I might invite her out for a cup of coffee or lunch and just ask her what happened between them and then move the conversation in the direction of what is she wanting to do now. Get a feel for what she wants and then see if it's a direction you want to help her with. If you don't feel comfortable maintaining any relationship with her then cut it off. But, I would find out the details first.

[ncmd_couple 597]

CrazyCatz,

 

Relationship split up for a lot of reasons. And you aren't necessarily one of those reasons. People who get into swinging to "save" their mariage are usually making a mistake. Yes, I know there are exceptions. It is ok for you to maintain contact with her, but be careful to not inject yourself into their issues. She may just want someone to talk to, and your it.

 

S

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I don't think there's a need to be worried at this point.

 

You mentioned the communication has become less frequent and distant. I'd just let it go. Not so much avoid communicating, but not seeking it out either.

 

We've played with couples that split up later on. It happens for a myriad of reasons. I wouldn't spend any time stressing out about this.

[crazycatz 17]

Odd. I'm curious have you kept in contact with them since your initial threesome? Was that the only time you played? How long had they been together prior to the threesome?

 

My thought if it was just her contacting you following their split, is that maybe she is now interested in playing as a single female as well (or in exploring her bi-side more) and sees you as a door to doing that. If you were her only experience in either of those departments then you are probably the only person she could think of to contact that might be able to give her guidance in how to move in that direction.

 

I might invite her out for a cup of coffee or lunch and just ask her what happened between them and then move the conversation in the direction of what is she wanting to do now. Get a feel for what she wants and then see if it's a direction you want to help her with. If you don't feel comfortable maintaining any relationship with her then cut it off. But, I would find out the details first.

 

No we hadn't kept in contact at all. We only played together the one time as well. They had been together for 6 years.

 

I have no interest in playing with her again to be honest. And none of our discussion has been of a sexual nature so I'm not sure what it's about...that's why I'm confused about the whole thing.

 

But yeah, as you say Julie, it might be a case of her wanting to go explore her bi side.

 

And thanks to the two other posters for their imput...you are right...there could be a number of reasons behind the split. I was just worried that I was being put in the middle of something.

[havefuninsun 122]

I can see why you would be worried, but I think it's a slim chance.

 

Mr. Fun and I had a great conversation last night about swinging, relationships, etc. We were both saying how relationships break up for a lot of reasons, mainly because someone has disrespected the other, or they can't trust the other person.

 

You're up front in swinging relationships ... I know who Mr. Fun is "shagging" (I just read a profile on SLS that used the word shag, made me laugh, so here it is). If we split up, it will have nothing to do with that ... sex is sex. If he goes out and has an affair, THAT would shatter my trust and that's a whole other can of worms.

 

The threesome is something they both wanted. Frankly, it would have been a way to try to save their relationship. It may have been something they both got excited about, loved to talk about, something they had in common. Maybe they had drifted apart and this was bringing them back together ... like taking up tennis together or something. Weird analogy, but I do believe that happens in the swing-world.

 

And if that couple is like most, they cherished having the opportunity to play with a Unicorn.

 

Who knows why she emailed. She may have just been feeling low and was contacting all of her aquaintnesses for comfort of some kind. Us women can be strange sometimes, you know ... LOL

[Bensonc 12]

If if I can help you out in anyway anyway let me know I would be interested in MFF gathering and I have never done it before so it would be my first maybe you can help me with being nervous

[crazycatz 17]

If if I can help you out in anyway anyway let me know I would be interested in MFF gathering and I have never done it before so it would be my first maybe you can help me with being nervous

[tribbles 490]

If if I can help you out in anyway anyway let me know I would be interested in MFF gathering and I have never done it before so it would be my first maybe you can help me with being nervous

 

Did you even see her location?

[ncmd_couple 597]

Did you even see her location?

 

HAHA, he was typing with one hand....

[Playful1 434]

Be very aware of the womans signals. Try to pay pretty equal attention to both people, if not a little more to the woman(assuming she is bi as well).

 

I am a single female and have done many MFFs, and there was definitely a learning curve.

[Playful1 434]

If she is continuing contact with you, then go with it, if you;re comfortable. I've stayed friends with one half of a couple that has split up before and it worked out fine. If you are truly uncomfortable though, tell her, but nicely.