Female Sexual Agressiveness

[Alura 2,774]

Mrs. Alura and I have recently taken to watching "Dirty Sexy Money." We don't watch much TV (except football) but started this one because we like Bobby Donald, formerly of "The Practice."

 

Anyway, Laura and I were talking about how sexually aggressive the women characters on the show are. On a scale of one to ten, "Penelope," a lady from my past, would be a "ten." If we added her to the ladies on "Dirty Sexy Money" she'd be a "three."

 

So, if you're a woman, how sexually aggressive do you consider yourself to be?

 

If you're a man, how sexually aggressive do you like your women to be?

 

[rpu3 630]

Can you define "sexually aggressive" for the purposes of the thread?

 

ETA: Well, if I go along TNT's lines, then I'd have to say I'm probably not aggressive at all, except in my fantasy world or with the spouse. I have heard a complaint or two about the lack of aggressiveness, yet I've yet to find a handbook on how to get to that destination. Nor do said complainers provide directions. It's just not comfortable to me with strangers or those not well known.

[TNT 1,155]

Alura said:

So, if you're a woman, how sexually aggressive do you consider yourself to be?

 

Good question there Mr. A.

 

I have been known to walk up to a man, run my hands up his chest and ask him "You want to fuck?"....I think that's kind of aggressive

 

Depending on the circumstance and my mood I can be very aggressive or very passive.

 

Teresa

[ShellyM 0]

If I am comfortable and into a man I am a 9 out of a 10, on alcohol a 10 out of a 10. I am trying to tone this down. It's a double edged sword. Good and bad.

[CB_n_Red 16]

Well.... having watched Red say to a guy last night "are we going to shag or what?" I guess she can be pretty sexually aggressive when she's in the mood

[Lovethenights 35]

Unless I am very far off base, any man who says he prefers a woman who is less sexually aggressive than a "10 is lying, or has some serious pathological control issues!

[ShellyM 0]

I have found that it can be a liability. Some men will not approach a sexually aggressive woman, or do not perform well. I had one man (who had issues) tell me that he was just too intimidated by me and did not think he would be able to please me...which of course he did not because he psyched himself out lol. Some ladies do not appreciate a confident female as well as I have learned from experience. This is what I mean in saying that it is a double edged sword.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Lovethenights said:

Unless I am very far off base, any man who says he prefers a woman who is less sexually aggressive than a "10 is lying, or has some serious pathological control issues!

 

I like women who are aggressive - it does make it easy. But really, I like for a woman to give me some sort of challenge. I like there to be a bit of flirt and flirt back... That works best for me. She knows I want her, I know she wants me.

 

But - would I really mind if a woman walked up and said "let's go."? Nah... I'd love that. Assuming of course that she was someone I'd want to "go" with.

 

I don't need aggressive, and if I had a friend who was always that way, I'd feel like I were being cheated out of the chance to flirt. But, sure, if anyone wants to club me and drag me off - go for it

[socolais 696]

For me, I think this case is best served by variety. I wouldn't want her to be more agressive than she would otherwise be,,, just for my benefit. If it's not sincere, it doesn't work. And I think I wouldn't want a roller-derby queen EVERY time. That being said, confidence and assertiveness is sexy!! But where's the line between being assertive and agressive??? I certainly wouldn't want a woman that just laid there silently expecting me to do all the work - I want one (or more) that bumps back and grabs what she wants because she really wants it. Just don't leave marks that last more than a couple of days.

[good times 991]

Interesting question as we were just discussing this on the way home from the club last night.

 

I like a woman who is more aggressive than passive sexually. The problem I have noticed is that their is a fine line between a sexually aggressive woman and one who is a little to full of herself for my taste. Their was a woman at the club last night who, while I find her attractive physically, she is so aggressive she just seems too full of herself, which totally turns me off to her. So, while I like a woman who is confident and knows what she wants, if she just expects me to drop everything and go with her without any preliminary flirting and such, it probably isn't going to happen.

 

Then again, if an attractive woman with the right personality ran her hands up my chest and said, "You want to fuck?", my clothes might just pop right off on the spot.

[WesternSwing 504]

I like a sexually aggressive woman, BUT I am turned-off by a woman that is sexually aggressive toward everybody in the room. I want to feel special and feel like she really, really wants to be with me that night. I'm sure women feel the same way if a guy is coming-on hard to every woman in the room.

 

I'm not shy by any means, and I have no problem approaching a woman and being flirty and such, but I won't go further than that unless I get a real sign that she wants me to go further than just flirting. I probably miss-out sometimes, but I'd rather the woman be aggressive enough to make a blatant second move (because I do not do well with subtle ) than be overly-aggressive myself and offend someone.

[NakedInSeattle 159]

I love an aggressive woman. I grew up in the south and ran into sooo many women (girls) that felt that a "lady" didn't make the first moves. This puts so much anxiety and pressure on us guys, you'll never know. When a woman makes it very clear she is interested in me, it makes me so damn happy, I just can't say no.

 

Keep it up gals, we love it.

[2fromNM 15]

Subtlety is completely lost on me, probably due to some pre-conceived self-image notions that are hard to get rid of. If a woman wants to fuck me, she's got to be pretty plain spoken about it or I'll go with the assumption that shes just being nice, or just flirting and having fun or whatever...fill in the excuse here...and totally miss out.

[CoupleReady2 15]

I for one love sexually aggressive women....Even though everyone I've approached have been very polite....it takes a lot of the guess work out of it.

[pervgeeks 119]

My husband and I both love sexually assertive women (acts like a lady, but not afraid to be vocal about desires and go after them). I am one too. I'm selective, but not afraid to go after what I want. We tend to be turned off in situations where women are passive and the men are too aggressive.

[Darkblue 55]

WesternSwing said:

I like a sexually aggressive woman, BUT I am turned-off by a woman that is sexually aggressive toward everybody in the room. I want to feel special and feel like she really, really wants to be with me that night. I'm sure women feel the same way if a guy is coming-on hard to every woman in the room.

 

I'm not shy by any means, and I have not problem approaching a woman and being flirty and such, but I won't go further than that unless I get a real sign that she wants me to go further than just flirting. I probably miss-out sometimes, but I'd rather the woman be aggressive enough to make a blatant second move (because I do not to well with subtle ) than be overly-aggressive myself and offend someone.

 

Sounds just like me ok very like me i tend to hold a little back i call it respect for the female, if she gives me a positive signal then fine, i can then be more "ok, I get the message "lets play" type

 

Just because a female is nice towards me doesn't mean that I expect her to play.

[des1re06 200]

Very, definately a 10. Have no problem saying, "I wanna lick you all over" to a male or female.

 

I'm usually the instigator of body shots and whipped cream too.

 

 

Mrs. D

[crazycatz 17]

I'm not quite sure how to take this thread...it borders on sexist, IMO.

 

Why do we question women's sexual behavior in a way that's different to men's?

 

Why does it have to be a gender thing?

[ncmd_couple 597]

crazycatz said:

I'm not quite sure how to take this thread...it borders on sexist, IMO.

 

Crazycatz,

 

I personally didn't take this thread as being sexist. My sexy lady is very sexual, but she is passive. She wants the man or woman to take the lead. She loves sex, lots of it, but she doesn't want to initiate the contact. That is the topic of discussion I believe.

[crazycatz 17]

Yes but my point is we usually only raise this question in relation to women.

[rpu3 630]

I'm not quite sure how to take this thread...it borders on sexist, IMO.

Why do we question women's sexual behaviour in a way that's different to men's?

Why does it have to be a gender thing?

 

Crazycatz:

 

These were the two questions:

So, if you're a woman, how sexually agressive do you consider yourself to be?

 

If you're a man, how sexually agressive do you like your women to be?

 

I'm not quite sure how these questions or the responses are sexist or gender-biased. You have women describing how aggressive they consider themselves to be, and men describing what they like.

 

Care to expand why you find the thread sexist or how you see as questioning women's sexual behavior?

 

ETA: I'm not picking on you/at you, but am genuinely curious as to where you find it sexist?

[ncmd_couple 597]

Yes but my point is we usually only raise this question in relation to women.

 

Hahaha, that is because you assume that men are the agressor. And that women are passive. It depends on the woman, and as stated in the post befor this one, it depends... it was a question of the ladies.... chill out...

[Spoomonkey 421]

crazycatz said:

Yes but my point is we usually only raise this question in relation to women.

 

We actually have asked the question about men here.

 

Basically, especially in American culture (I noticed you were from Ireland, so that may explain the disconnect) women are raised in a sexually passive culture. That is changing - and as the father of a 19-year-old, I'm suddenly against it Most women do tend to be less aggressive. Swinging allows them to push their own boundaries and comfort zones, but it can still be a little bit of a challenge.

 

Besides - many men want women to be aggressive because it is easier than being aggressive themselves. They want it wrapped up and dropped in their lap.

 

I think the freedom to be aggressive is a good thing - though, as I stated above, I prefer a balance. But in the U.S., the sexual revolution isn't nearly as "complete" as we all hope it might be.

[ShellyM 0]

Spoomonkey said:

Basically, especially in American culture (I noticed you were from Ireland, so that may explain the disconnect) women are raised in a sexually passive culture. That is changing - and as the father of a 19-year-old, I'm suddenly against it Most women do tend to be less aggressive. Swinging allows them to push their own boundaries and comfort zones, but it can still be a little bit of a challenge.

.....

I think the freedom to be aggressive is a good thing - though, as I stated above, I prefer a balance. But in the U.S., the sexual revolution isn't nearly as "complete" as we all hope it might be.

 

Absolutely agreed. It's funny how women in this country are still expected to be good girls and not like sex.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Spoomonkey,

 

As the father of three, the two oldest are girls, I can relate. The youngest is 25 now. From my view, now that both of them have given me grandkids, is that I want them to be happy and as sexual as they want to be.

[Spoomonkey 421]

ncmd_couple said:

I want them to be happy and as sexual as they want to be.

 

I want mine to have her orifices super-glued just before joining a convent...

 

 

Okay - you are right. Coming from a sexually repressed background myself, I really do want my kids to have full sexual experience - whatever that means for them. I just don't want to think about it

 

PS - The truth is, my daughter feels very open about talking to me about anything.

[ncmd_couple 597]

I am very open about talking to my mother, and as a guy, that is unusual I guess. I can't nail them down, too friggin' late... but I feel your pain...

[WesternSwing 504]

crazycatz said:

I'm not quite sure how to take this thread...it borders on sexist, IMO.

 

Why do we question women's sexual behavior in a way that's different to men's?

 

Why does it have to be a gender thing?

 

The fact is that society is sexist, and a sexually aggressive woman is seen by the majority of Puritanical America as a slut. So I take this thread as celebration of women breaking-out of the sexual stereotype of having to be sexually demure or submissive to men. The way the question is asked, and the forum in which it's asked, almost leads the answers. I feel the thread calls attention to how attractive a sexually aggressive woman is. It is celebrating women's sexuality. An argument for it rather than against it.

[crazycatz 17]

WesternSwing said:

The fact is that society is sexist, and a sexually aggressive woman is seen by the majority of Puritanical America as a slut. So I take this thread as celebration of women breaking-out of the sexual stereotype of having to be sexually demure or submissive to men. The way the question is asked, and the forum in which it's asked, almost leads the answers. I feel the thread calls attention to how attractive a sexually aggressive woman is. It is celebrating women's sexuality. An argument for it rather than against it.

 

I appreciate your comment...and agree with it to an extent. However, by asking still do we prefer a sexually aggressive woman still entrenches that dichotomy, IMO. What I mean is that the fact that we have to ask if men like it that just legitimizes the stereotype. In my mind, the way to bypass that would be to ask our opinions of sexually aggressive partners and not be gender-specific.

 

I am willing to concede I might be a touch oversensitive on this but I think there's also no harm in questioning these things as well.

[sweet_tna 680]

I have to say my level of sexual aggression/assertiveness varies with my mood. If I'm comfortable with a partner or really turned on, I have no compunction 'bout throwing him on the bed (couch, floor, etc.) and taking what I want. And of course, my honey loves that and wishes I'd be that way more often.

 

*HOWEVER* as a stay-at-home mom, chief, cook, and washerwoman, I have to spend all day bossing people around and telling them what I want. So sometimes I prefer for the man to take the lead when it comes to sex. It's nice to let someone else be in charge for awhile.

 

=)

[intuition897 2,179]

Oh man, I'm so out of practice, I'm thinking I'm probably about a 2...3 or 4 on a couple of glasses of wine and if I'm really loving what I'm wearing.

 

I've never been super aggressive. Mr. intuition likes pushing my buttons...believe it or not he still knows how to make me blush. He's very assertive. A gentleman, but assertive. I need more practice. Any volunteers for guinea pigs?

[Spoomonkey 421]

crazycatz said:

However, by asking still do we prefer a sexually aggressive woman still entrenches that dichotomy, IMO.

 

I don't think so. I consider it as benign a question as "do you prefer blonds or brunettes?" Women should be who they are and who they are comfortable with. THAT is to fully respect them as people. But as a person myself, I do have preferences - and I know others do as well.

 

Because I know that other people have preferences it helps me to navigate the lifestyle better when I know what they are. And - it can be quite freeing when I know that I am either right down the center preference-wise - or so off base that I might as well not worry about it - or just close enough that trying something new might turn out to be an exciting adventure.

[gentleman3537 15]

Hey girls, ladies its ok to be aggressive occasionally. in fact it's downright sexy...even the most dominate and aggressive of our species love something different. Different?? That's why we here...I think. 

[des1re06 200]

Hubby loves it when I take the lead - tear off his clothes, pull him down on the bed and suck him til his toes curl.

 

 

Polled my guy friends, yup, they like it too. Makes them feel like they're wanted. Much easier to get it hard if they feel the lady is attracted to them.

[Tybee Swing 286]

So, if you're a woman, how sexually agressive do you consider yourself to be?

 

I wish I could see a scale or your precise definition of what "sexually aggressive" really is. I think that definition varies a lot from one person to the next! I guess I'm kind of in the medium range. I'm friendly, I smile and I'll chat up anybody. I like to laugh, talk and have a good time (not a wallflower). I'll flirt with men I'm attracted to, hopefully conveying that I'm interested, but I'm not sure I'm highly "aggressive" about it. Does being very friendly and being able to flirt make me about medium??

 

I can get really turned off due to issues of aggression and passivity.

 

On occasions where I was grabbed from behind, aggressively pursued after politely declining more than once, or people I've never even seen trying to jump in when I'm occupied (either male or female) - I get pissed off. Fortunately, I've learned more how to handle that since we first started and it doesn't happen so much anymore.

 

I also get really turned off by passivity. Sometimes we meet other couples with an outgoing, friendly man and a very passive, shy, extremely quiet woman. She stays the same way in the bedroom - ack! When trying to please this type of woman, I don't even know if anything I'm doing is working for her at all... NO feedback (she's a log). My husband gets the same feeling when he's trying to please her. I really empathize now with men who complain of these lay-on-their-back and do nothing women....extreme passivity. There seems to be tons of women in the lifestyle who want to play the passive "girl" with both men and women being forced into the aggressive role. I won't play with them anymore. I am not a bull-dyke, and I can't stand those women who want me in that position. If it's f/f, it has to be equal, or nothing.

 

Likewise, I cannot be turned on by a man who is too passive. Spoo mentioned those guys who want it "wrapped up and dropped in their laps". There are men who go to parties/clubs, sit on the wall all night long while their friendly wife meets people, and they don't move off their seat until after their wife has corralled somebody for them to play with. I think of this as a type of passivity, but also cowardice (won't stick his neck out and take a chance). There are also the guys who will sit across from you for hours and barely say a word, and you have to take them by the hand and lead them the whole way. yawn - turn-off!!!

 

I guess you could say that I'm only turned on by people who will meet me at least in the middle. Confidence and friendliness are huge turn-ons for me. This aggressive vs. passive issue is a big factor for me in the lifestyle.

 

Hubby loves it when I take the lead - tear off his clothes, pull him down on the bed and suck him til his toes curl. Polled my guy friends, yup, they like it too. Makes them feel like they're wanted. Much easier to get it hard if they feel the lady is attracted to them.

 

My husband is just like this with me, too. I'm fine with it sometimes, but if he had his way, I'd have to take the lead 90% of the time. I really don't want to....after all, I want to be seduced and "wanted", too.

[Pleaseinu2 15]

I do happen to love sexually agressive women! But the number of women outside of the lifestyle that are a ten are very few and far between.....I would say most of the women I know are around a 3 to 4! on the other hand women within our atmosphere tend to be around a 9 to 10!! Which is a very good thing!

[ShellyM 0]

Oh man, I'm so out of practice, I'm thinking I'm probably about a 2...3 or 4 on a couple of glasses of wine and if I'm really loving what I'm wearing.

 

I've never been super aggressive. Mr. intuition likes pushing my buttons...believe it or not he still knows how to make me blush. He's very assertive. A gentleman, but assertive. I need more practice. Any volunteers for guinea pigs?

 

I'm with Spoo on this, you have to be who you are. You are just sexually passive, and thats who you are. LOL, Jay would volunteer himself for you to practice on, thats just the kind of guy he is LOL. Seriously though, its like me trying to be passive all of the time. Just doesn't work. I'm more of an aggressive personality. I'm a quirk though. I love being a sexual sub and love confident, more sexually aggressive men. I love the idea of being taken. But in my "real life" I guess you would say I'm type A aggressive. So just be who you are. There is someone for everyone, its just finding the right fit I think that is the key.

[VanHlebar 187]

intuition897 said:

Oh man, I'm so out of practice, I'm thinking I'm probably about a 2...3 or 4 on a couple of glasses of wine and if I'm really loving what I'm wearing.

 

I've never been super aggressive. Mr. intuition likes pushing my buttons...believe it or not he still knows how to make me blush. He's very assertive. A gentleman, but assertive. I need more practice. Any volunteers for guinea pigs?

 

Well I am always up for a good experiment and all in the name of science.

[ShellyM 0]

Well I am always up for a good experiment and all in the name of science.

 

-Van

 

See, all of these gentlemen willing to give up themselves in the name of science. Put me down, I'll sacrifice myself as well.