Just tried full swap and fear being pregnant

[safireblues 106]

My husband is bi, and so am I. We've been together 6 years and we're very open and in have a great relationship. We both met and played with a guy on occasion for the last 6 months. It was always a soft swap scenario, no intercourse.

 

Last night, we decided to go for the whole hog. I don't take hormonal birth control, but we used a condom and he did not cum from the sex. The condom did not break and I even checked later that they were ok (he did not cum until later, he has crazy stamina, but it was no where near my vagina).

 

I am about a week from my period and not ovulating as far as I can tell, but I'm still terrified! What if I were to become pregnant?

 

I don't know how this fear did not occur to me until after.

 

I am totally beating myself now, feeling like the world's biggest skank! I feel like I could have visited drama on someone I love because of sex and I can't stop feeling like throwing up over it.

 

My husband says he will love me no matter what. I am pretty sure I can't do a full swap again until I'm fixed because I could never deal with this worry all the time.

 

I searched and searched for someone to talk to online because this isn't something I can discuss with most people.

 

Should I be terrified? Should I go get the morning after pill?

 

How do you live with this fear?

[tjomc 25]

First off relax im in no way a doctor so i won't give you stats on the chances but a condom is a very good form of birth control, Even if you take the pill there is still a chance that it might happen.

 

I think you just need to relax, sounds as if you had fun, and your hubby is ok with it as well. You are only letting thoughts run crazy in your head.

 

The chance of you being pregnant are very slim..

 

RELAX and have fun if you choose to not play again till after you are fixed that's fine but condoms have been used for years as birth control..

 

just my two cents

[safireblues 106]

tjomc said:

I think you just need to relax, sounds as if you had fun, and your hubby is ok with it as well. You are only letting thoughts run crazy in your head.

 

I feel so ridiculous for the panic that invaded my head. I have been with the same guy for so long using withdrawal and ok with pregnancy since we're married, I haven't had this stress of "WHAT IF" in a very long time.

 

I need to CHILL OUT!

[rpu3 630]

safireblues said:

...

Last night, we decided to go for the whole hog. I don't take hormonal birth control, but we used a condom and he did not cum from the sex. The condom did not break and I even checked later that they were ok (he did not cum until later, he has crazy stamina, but it was no where near my vagina).

 

I am about a week from my period and not ovulating as far as I can tell, but I'm still terrified! What if I were to become pregnant?

...

 

Should I be terrified? Should I go get the morning after pill?

 

How do you live with this fear?

 

I do not use birth control pills nor other traditional forms of birth control (IUD, diaphragm, etc.). As much as a worrier as I tend to be, I don't worry about this too much. Condoms, when used properly, are effective. If you track your cycle, and know your ovulation and expected period dates, I'd say you really don't have the odds as to becoming pregnant, especially since a condom was used and he didn't come from the sex part.

 

Personally, if I were in your situation, and if I were certain of ovulation versus expected period date, would not be taking emergency contraception (and if you read this thread, you'd see I do think it's an effective back up should there be a condom failure - and you'd see others also play with only condoms, as well as learning about other options from the other members).

 

Can't make you stop worrying, but I hope it's a tiny bit of reassurance that some of us do play in a similar manner and haven't become pregnant. It's a concern, but if I minimize the odds, I don't really have sex with others in fear of the same.

[safireblues 106]

rpu3 said:

Personally, if I were in your situation, and if I were certain of ovulation versus expected period date, would not be taking emergency contraception (and if you read this thread, you'd see I do think it's an effective back up should there be a condom failure - and you'd see others also play with only condoms, as well as learning about other options from the other members).

 

Can't make you stop worrying, but I hope it's a tiny bit of reassurance that some of us do play in a similar manner and haven't become pregnant. It's a concern, but if I minimize the odds, I don't really have sex with others in fear of the same.

 

Thank you so much for your reply, I mainly didn't want to feel alone in this 'fear' of making a real mess with an unwanted pregnancy.

 

I appreciate your perspective on the morning after pill as well, I took it once in college when a condom got lost inside me, and it was not a good feeling, I was sick for 2 days.

 

Were you this scared your first time, and did you have this guilty reaction?

 

The act itself was quite wonderful and awesome, it was only after that I was paralyzed with the guilt and fear monsters.

[Lovethenights 35]

The use of the morning after pill is effective for three days after intercourse and if your anxiety is disabling over this issue, then consider taking it to assuage your worry. As to the future, consider using hormonal birth control along with condoms and spermicidal creams and you'll have lowered the risks of pregnancy to a point that most individuals and couples accept quite readily.

 

One of the things to do is not let a sense of anxiety over pregnancy turn into guilt, personal self-doubt, and a lowered sense of your worth or value. You are a mature woman who made a decision over several months with due consideration, about an activity without your marriage relationship. Clearly your husband was on board with you and both of you deserve a lot of credit for being thoughtful, patient, and rational about playing within the lifestyle. After some time, you can discuss all of your feelings within this situation and both of you can feel more relaxed and comfortable with it. Since your husband is bisexual, he may feel lifestyle play is his only acceptable outlet for sexual release within the marriage. Your interest in being with him in lifestyle play is wonderful and can mean a lifetime of deeply satisfying relationships. Don't let this one episode of anxiety destroy the pleasures that you have so thoughtfully found.

[Lovethenights 35]

OK, I'm an idiot who can't type.... The part where I said "without your marriage relationship" was supposed to read "within your marriage relationship." What you did you did together and that's a wonderful thing between people. Your willingness to join your husband in this lifestyle is incredibly wonderful. I know from personal experience. My wife spent a night with a man whom we'd played with once before. I couldn't be there with them but I talked to them on the phone together and made sure they knew that they had my permission to do whatever they both wanted to do. Well, when I came down that next morning and they were sleeping together in bed, I felt so intensely in love with my wife that I could barely stand it. When she told me that he'd touched her all over and made love to her I felt even more in love with her. When she very tentatively told me that they'd ended up accidentally there without any condoms and so he'd cum inside of her, I could barely contain my delight that my extremely beautiful wife had ben able to enjoy and give such pleasure..... but she was horrified she'd let her passions overwhelm her sense of caution. She had all kinds of fears about STD's and ultimately, though I was able to calm her fear about those after a few months, she has ended up being completely unwilling to discuss or admit to having had that episode. I am heartsick, as I know she feels bad about herself in a way that is totally unnecessary. I also hate that she is not willing to re-live and let me share those memories with her since she feels so bad about it. In a way, I not only lost her willingness to share the truth of that night with me, but her willingness to join me in sharing so much more in the lifestyle. I would hate to see you and your husband lose out on a life of fun, pleasure, delight, satisfaction, etc because of a single night.

[rpu3 630]

Were you this scared your first time, and did you have this guilty reaction?

 

I wasn't necessarily scared my first time, but definitely nervous. I am still always nervous about sex with others. I get over myself eventually, because when I'm with people it works with, I have a lot of fun. And I don't really worry or scare myself about condom failures, etc. I know my odds, know myself, and know I have a back up or two, so I don't let it get in my way.

 

I'm glad you had fun at the time, and hope you are feeling a bit better about the whole thing, and that whatever you decide is based the facts and logic, and not just panic and fear. It can be a lot of fun, as you found, especially when you can get the fear to a manageable level.

 

Take care,

 

Rebecca

[ShellyM 0]

OP, I think you are okay. If you are really freaked out take the morning after pill, but I think you will be fine. In the future I would really suggest being on bcp at least. Pre-cum has sperm as well (not trying to freak you out more) and so you need to be protected. You will be absolutely fine in this case I think.

[rpu3 630]

OP, I think you are okay. If you are really freaked out take the morning after pill, but I think you will be fine. In the future I would really suggest being on bcp at least. Pre-cum has sperm as well (not trying to freak you out more) and so you need to be protected. You will be absolutely fine in this case I think.

 

While I don't know the OP's personal circumstances, and while birth control pills are great for prevention of pregnancy, it is not a valid option for all women and perhaps not even a majority of women.

 

While BCPs are certainly a valid suggestion, it's helpful and understanding to others to keep in mind that it isn't a "bcp at least" for many people. Birth control is not a cookie-cutter, one size fits all matter. There are other effective birth control methods out there besides the Pill (including the OP's condom usage) that prevent pregnancy and don't cause an impact on some womens' health or overall well-being.

 

Here's to the OP picking one, if she decides to, that best fits her situation.

[safireblues 106]

I tried to take bc but I felt awful on it, emotional, and it would kill my sex drive. I tried many different kinds and it resulted in me not feeling like myself. My husband and I hope to have a child next year, so I'd rather stay off hormones.

 

The only answer for me seems to be not doing this again. I am not built for it, as much as I loved it as a porn star moment.

 

We have played for 6 years without having intercourse with other people, it worked quite well for us. I didn't know pushing this boundary would make me feel as awful as it did. I still don't feel like I can eat today! It's better but I am still shaken.

[safireblues 106]

Also, I feel like there's no acceptable level for me, even if it was .000001% chance, I would still be terrified. I don't want to become pregnant with the child of another man, ergo, I cannot fuck another man while that is a possibility.

 

Didn't see it with that clarity before.

[Vjklander 138]

The only way to be 100% safe from pregnancy is to have your tubes tied. If you are ok with the consequences of that it is well worth it. Obviously, if you may want a child with your hubby that is not an option. Condoms are a highly effective, but I've broken them before. So, no, they are not 100%.

[rpu3 630]

The only way to be 100% safe from pregnancy is to have your tubes tied.

 

A hysterectomy would be 100% safe. Tubals are NOT 100% safe, the procedure does have a failure rate. Depending on the study and the time frame after the procedure, and the type of tubal performed, failure rates range from 0.10 to 5%. It can be an an effective choice for birth control, but 100% safe? No.

[ShellyM 0]

Also, I feel like there's no acceptable level for me, even if it was .000001% chance, I would still be terrified. I don't want to become pregnant with the child of another man, ergo, I cannot fuck another man while that is a possibility.

 

Didn't see it with that clarity before.

 

Pretty much the only option that is absolute and 100% safe is a hysterectomy where you physically and literally do not have the equipment to carry a child. I am considered sterile with tubal...but like rpu said hell, my tubes could grow back together and I get pregnant....very unlikely but it has definately been known to happen. Hey girl, if you are that freaked out full swap may not be for you...and this is okay! Do NOT feel bad. Perhaps try soft swap, or just go to the club if you like the atmosphere and have fun. Best of luck to you

[sweet_tna 680]

Safireblues, I agree with Lovethenights on this one, though I can sympathize. I cannot take hormonal birth control for the same reasons as you. My husband and I have used condoms effectively for long periods throughout our marriage (11.5 years) and never had a problem. So I (personally) consider condoms to be safe enough for play partners. Illness and stress can often cause delayed periods--believe me, I've had it happen.

 

If, after taking some time to calm down and really think about it (and talk to your hubby), you still feel you cannot go full swap while fertile, then so be it. When you're ready for a more permanent birth control method, then you can always revisit the issue.

 

=)

[safireblues 106]

Thanks to all for your perspectives. I do think the full swap option has to be off the menu for me because the concern of pregnancy is too overwhelming for me at this time. I'm thinking that when I'm older, once I've had a kid, I will get an IUD, and that plus condoms will be enough for me. Until then, I will continue to give the world's best blow jobs.

 

It was really hot to get fucked though! Why must the best things in life be the scariest?

[2ofakind33 15]

I feel for you. We have three great kids and Ive had an hysterectomy(due to medical problems), so only thing I worry about is STD's. My husband is very fertile.. so he worries about getting someone pregnant. He is considering getting surgery, but not until after xmas. Dont let this stop you from having fun, just play smart. In my op, I think you are fine. But like someone else stated.. dont forget pre-cum has sperm also.

[intuition897 2,179]

Also, I feel like there's no acceptable level for me, even if it was .000001% chance, I would still be terrified. I don't want to become pregnant with the child of another man, ergo, I cannot fuck another man while that is a possibility.

 

Didn't see it with that clarity before.

 

I didn't try full-swap with hubby until after I had my wings clipped, and even then I had twinges of panic. But I reasoned that, being a healthy woman in her early 30's, and having a healthy sex life with my husband and no sign of pregnancy in sight, there was no reason whatsoever why I should be more likely to become pregnant by another man than my husband.

 

If your fear of the risks overpower your enjoyment of it, or if it causes you undue stress afterward, you're right to stop while you're ahead. You can always reasses at a later time to see if these fears are still as strong.

[intuition897 2,179]

Why must the best things in life be the scariest?

 

...or the most fattening? Or the most expensive? LOL

[fordman460 20]

I'm getting myself disconnected in mid December. I can't wait, the wife and I have been doing the pull and pray since March of '96.

[ShellyM 0]

The thing that people must remember is the fact that full swap is NOT for everyone. There is no one way to swing, and its not a tier system. We have met couples who are almost in competition, like there is some sort of graduation when they are able to full swap. If you do not prefer full swap for whatever reason that is okay, its not a big deal as long as you are honest with other couples.

[safireblues 106]

Yay! I got my period. Now I can look back and laugh.

 

Yeah, the funny (sad) thing was that having intercourse with him was more my idea than my husband's, and the reason I wanted to was because he had this crazy big dick that I wanted to feel inside me. I was dickmatized. I could see nothing else. And I'm pretty bi, like for years I wasn't all that into dick but this uncut big dick on a hot 25 year old and I wanted it. Granted, I waited for like 6 months so there's something to be said for reserve, but DAMN. And it felt fucking incredible, and fucking him in front of my husband was a total hot turn on. (there was another woman there too, my ultimate unicorn girlfriend who has only been with women and had never fucked a guy and she's hot and 27~!)

 

It was only after when the girl and I went to dinner and we started saying "What If"...what if I got pregnant and I didn't know if it was my husband's or the other man's baby? We started out joking about it, I kept saying well if the baby is born and has a huge penis, it will be the other guys. Later that night, the panic set in, what WOULD I DO???? My husband really wants to have a child with me, so if I was pregnant and there was a chance it was his, he probably couldn't live with an abortion, especially since his first girlfriend had one and it has haunted him ever since.

 

On the other hand, raising a child that isn't your own or where you know it might not be, holy mother of god. That has generational implications.

 

Thus, the terror of that scenario happening was more than I could bear.

 

I am so happy it's over.