How can I convince my wife to have sex with other man or couple

[schnidermike1 16]

I'm married and I love my wife, but her sex life is nothing. She never had sex with any one but me. I would love to share her with another guy or couple. Can anyone advise on how to convince her?

[sweet_tna 680]

There's lots of good information and advice to be found here. I would suggest you TALK to your wife about what you'd like, and what fantasies she may have. Keep in mind, though, that there's no "convincing her"--she has to decide this is what she wants for herself. You can lead a horse to water . . .

 

=)

[BiloxiCouple 695]

You can't convince her. She has to want to do it.

[Pierced-n-Proud 16]

You can't convince her. She has to want to do it.

 

Absolutely correct. Swingingis not something that you can convince anyone to do. In our case it took 26 years of building my partner up, making her see that she is a desirable and beautiful woman. Then when we did try, she found that yes, she was desired by other men and women and the confirmation of this caused a sexual revolution in our marriage. The danger is if you focus on swinging only, it could become one-sided and she may end up with a bad experience if she tries it just to please you...and this certainly is not what we want for our loved ones.

 

Focus on her self esteem, many good articles on this site about this. A great new haicut, sexy underwear - just for her and the rest may well follow.

Good luck and take your time.

[Sico_tiko 17]

well mmmmm i think u wont be able to convince her as this is very hard issue but the simplest thing is try to spice up your life with her for example watch adult movies together and try to show her films for MFM or FMF or gangbangs and c what is her comment, maybe she would like the idea, and maybe she would like to try. Best Wishes

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Become an active member of this board and show her the info here.

 

Small steps. Communicate and listen to her.

 

Since you only gave us three sentences to work with, the advice is limited. Introduce yourself.

[Darkblue 55]

I have the same thing with my wife and the info i got here was really good, so good that i no longer ask her if she´s interested in another man, we go and do what we feel happy with and even up to date she hasn't bonked another man and she says she is happy that way so i have to accept that and yet we still have lots of fun with other couples.

 

You may find you will have to accept that just does not want to, i have, although i still live in hope...

 

whatever you do don´t bug her about it or she will get fed up and you may end up not swinging at all then all hope is lost and as the others have said she really needs to do this because she wants to and not because you want too, she may well end up blaming you if she has a bad time and if she isn't ready then she most likely will have a bad time..

 

Steve

[MRnMSbhaven 45]

I concur... there's no convincing. Talk to her about what you'd like (she may surprise you). Share information too (like this site). We were scared to death and convinced that all swingers were like Austin Powers when we started. We researched and learned, not the case.

 

If she's game then you're good. If not then you may have to send it to the world of fantasy (no convincing).

 

Ms B

[cplnuswing 4,713]

You both have to be interested. There are two kinds of convincing - trying to convince someone to do something they absolutely don't want to do, and trying to convince (or, better put, talk through concerns) someone to try something they actually are interested in but just hesitant about for whatever reason. Big difference between the two.

 

If your situation is the first and you persist, you are inviting problems. If it's the second, do as others have said and talk, research, etc the topic together and see where it goes.

 

One other thing to honestly ask yourself - 1) do you want this for her, even though she has said doesn't want it herself, 2) do you want this for you, either because you think seeing her with someone else would be hot or else give you the opportunity to be with someone else, 3) or do you both want this together to enrich your own relationship? If its not #3, might want to think long and hard about bringing it up again. She probably knows the answer, no matter which you tell her it is.

[Tybee Swing 286]

her sex life is nothing.

 

Can you write more about what you mean by this statement?

[schnidermike1 16]

Hi there,

I'm the one who ask always for sex...it's very rear that she ask for it.

 

Also she don't like different positions or new things and don't allow to play or use any sex toys.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Hi there,

I'm the one who ask always for sex...its very rear that she ask for it.

also she dont like different positions or new things and dont alow to play or use any sex toys.

 

I thought so...and she also has never been with anybody else sexually, but you.

 

Don't you think you are trying to leap the Grand Canyon in one jump, when you say you want to introduce her (convince her) to swing? I can't imagine that if you introduce her to this idea now, she would be open to it.

 

Before anything, you need to gradually and gently open up sexual communication between the two of you. You have to both learn to be comfortable expressing your sexual desires together. Get "regular" books and videos about monogamous marital sex, and focus on expanding your sex life together. If she can't be comfortable with various sexual positions or anything new with you, why would she be comfortable and sexually open with strangers??

 

Let me find a thread for you that you can benefit from.... (see next post)

[Tybee Swing 286]

Here it is, a thread called "How to Bring the Lust Back".

 

Read the suggestions given here by board members. What I wrote to this guy, I would also write to you.

[schnidermike1 16]

Thank you very much.

[Tybee Swing 286]

You're welcome.

 

Mike, I just noticed that you have a link to an SLS profile. I'm not a member of SLS and you don't have an external profile (I can't read it), but I wonder why you have it?

 

You're married to a conservative wife who hasn't even been introduced yet to the notion of you two swinging. (I think you know that she's nowhere near ready for that.)

 

So, I'm just really curious....what are you doing on a swinger hookup site like SLS with a profile on it? Is this behind your wife's back? (I'm not referring to being on this board, which is informational - this isn't a hook-up board.)

 

I have to tell you this....if my husband had been sneaking around with a profile on a hookup site, we never would have started swinging. I wouldn't have been able to trust him or his motives. We are in this together, start to finish, or we're not in it at all. Honesty and having trust in our partner are the most important factors in whether or not swinging will ever work out for a couple.

 

Just some thoughts for you, from a wife.

[schnidermike1 16]

I really appreciate your knowledge and advice,

 

I use to have a profile on SLS (not any more), and it was behind my wife (not cheating) but just trying to get some ideas on how to get her to do it...what I find there is mostly men trying to get to whatever.

 

I love my wife and never did or well do any thing to upset her, I just love her to be able to enjoy sex in a swinging way....I'm going to get that tape and see if it can help.

 

thanks again.

[ShellyM 0]

schnidermike1 said:

Hi there,

I'm the one who ask always for sex...it's very rear that she ask for it.

Also she don't like different positions or new things and don't alow to play or use any sex toys.

 

Yes, I think a lot of women go through this. With us it was in our baby making years so to speak. There was a point where we had our oldest son and he was still a baby (we had 2 babies in diapers at one point, that's always a treat lol) and then I was pregnant and carrying our youngest child. And working full time. And we sold our house and moved. It was INSANE. I can't remember but I don't remember Jay getting laid much lol, most definitely not like he does now. She may simply be going through issues like she is tired. My friend is in "super Mommy" mode. This can be a problem and I have talked to her about it. It's fantastic to be a great Mom, but when the kids are your entire life and your husband is working 84 hours a week and can't get a sandwich there are issues building up. It's so hard to say because women can have so many dimensions from hormones to life.......I would suggest sitting down and talking to her. I would NOT suggest swinging for you right now. Right now you need to get your OWN sex life in order and then worry about sex with other people. God KNOWS my swinging issues LOL...but Jay and I have a fantastic sex life at home. No matter how bad swinging is, that is separate from our sex at home. So before you think about sex with others I would talk about whats going on at home. Swinging is not a patch in a marriage, it will only reveal the other holes if you don't have things right when you try it. Best of luck to you

[SandJinVT 23]

SchniderMike,

 

First, whatever you do, do it for her, not yourself. Put yourself in last place. For that matter, don't even THINK about what swinging would do for you. Let her read some of what the folks on swingersboard have written.

 

Second, convincing her isn't what you want to do. What you want to do is let her be well-informed about what the lifestyle is about. Let her in on the biggest of the dirty secrets about swinging - its fun, both sexually and socially.

 

And if she responds favorably to your conversation/communication, you might suggest a "watch and be watched" situation (if she shows interest). She wouldn't have contact with the other couple, she'd only be with you. We played like this one time, with an incredibly hot couple who was visiting Vermont for a long weekend. OMG, it was so amazingly hot. And we never touched the other couple, other than hugs and a short kiss when we were leaving.

[lost_j1 5]

Just ensure that this both something you guys can handle. For her doing it and you there watching... Enjoy

[shoesr 17]

I have had a discussion with my wife about her haveing other men as im not as active as i was. a work friend has shown a load of interest in her and at a party he drunkingly told me how he still fancied my wife. i like this bloke and think he could give her what i cant and i know shes loves to meet with others how can i drop it to her that he wants to enjoy her as he said