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MtnSwing

Limp Men Ruining Our Fun

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Ladies, how do you deal with this? If he can't get it up, she will play with the female partner but she'll cool down towards him.

 

How I deal with it depends entirely on the guy and the severity of the situation. It's all in how he handles himself. I'll explain with three degrees of ED situations, and how it works for me:

 

Mild: If the man has a plan "B" and acts on it, moving smoothly and calmly onto something else that we can enjoy besides intercourse at that moment, I don't have to deal with it, because he's dealing with it. :) This would be the optimal situation, if he just would work things out (change what we're doing to suit himself).

 

Moderate: If he's mildly stressed about his erection and doesn't seem to have a plan, I can often calm him down and turn things around by gently taking charge and slowing things down. This is pretty common in new situations with new (or nearly new) people. It's understandable. :) I smoothly take it all the way back to first base and progress things gradually from there. It usually works. This is generally all about getting him to relax and get in the moment.

 

Severe: If he is increasingly panicky and frantic, accelerating the panic by the minute, even verbally berating his own penis and trying to beat it back to life, I decide, "This shit is not my problem, he's got issues"...and I gently move the situation around so that I'm back with my husband, and his wife is now in the position of needing to deal with her husband's anxiety. I feel that it's the wife's job to calm him down and deal with his panic, if anyone. She knows him and his issues, I don't. We've only had to do this a couple of times, and it worked. With his own wife, he could usually calm down and perform, at least to some degree. It wasn't my problem to deal with anymore, and I think that's as it should be.

 

If playmates start having some sort of meltdown, whether it's emotional, ED issues, or anything else, I think it's best to maneuver their spouses back to them to let them work it out.

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I think of it like I think of myself--I have a really hard time cumming with a new person. Takes me a while to really let go. But if I don't cum with you, it doesn't mean I didn't have a good time and that my mind wasn't totally into it, and that I won't cum 8 times the following day thinking of you. It's my own struggle to let go.

 

When guys are younger, their dicks work independently of their minds, but that gets more challenging with age and less testosterone. Assume an average guy will have wood issues with a new woman, and be pleasantly surprised if he doesn't. And ALWAYS encourage him to use his mouth and fingers!

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QUOTE:" My wife gets bored pretty quickly when we play with another couple if the guy can't get it up."

 

This was the problem with our first swing....The man was definately interested and couldn't get me out of my clothes into the bed fast enough! He was all over me, but his jewels were semi-firm at most, (I hate to tell you this guys, but that is not "hard"!) This meant he was interested; but unable to get a hard erection, he kept apologizing, and all I could think of was, where is my medical bag......heehee Because he is not my client I couldn't broach this subject with him, but I will, with all of you.

Now, for medical info: Erectile dysfunction for most men, begins in their mid to late 30's, were the penis does not become fully erect, but the male is interested in penetration. This can be related to tissue changes in the penis or chemical changes in hormones as men age. Men usually ignore the early signs of this disorder and try attribute it too decreasing lack of interest, and can become clinically depressed when it starts to affect the marriage and his interactions with his wife that he is terribly attracted too.

There are three popular meds for this disorder, Viagra, Levetra, and Cialas. All allow a man to get a "hard" erection when the moment is right. Some of these pills are effective up to three days.

So guys, don't be bashful, and don't claim lack of chemistry or audor, go to your doctor and ask for a perscription...It's worth it....And it will only take a touch and you'll be ready for action...

My new rule for swinging after the first disaster I went through: If his penis doesn't get hard during the Naughty, Naughty, Bunny game; then it's exhabition only...Cause my Ed's will be....heehee

 

Hip Hopping And Swinging All The Way!

Bunny Seder Jr.

::P:

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So guys, don't be bashful, and don't claim lack of chemistry or audor, go to your doctor and ask for a perscription...

 

But, certainly, erectile dysfunction is not the only reason - and the "little blue pill" is not the only solution.

 

I would actually say that the pill does work, sure. But eliminate all other causes first.

 

Also, as far as I know, ED is not selective. If you function well with your wife, but not when you are swinging, then the problem may not be ED.

 

Spoomonkey

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SpooMonkey,

So true, that if his performance with the wife is excellent, then yes, ED is not his problem....Then I agree with others that alcohol, exhaustion, and lack of desire can cause the limp syndrome....That means it's time to call a stop and go back to the partner that can provide....heehee

This would have to be terribly embarressing for the guy..

I'm curious though, if it's not getting hard in the pants with general play and flirting, why would men think it's going to get hard outside of the pants? Thus, the fun and games prior to play to see if there's interest...if there is no twinkle or pucker in the jewel...Why not just call it quits...I hate to be disappointed...

Note: That with the swing we did, he was soft with his wife on the date prior when we all did exhibition. For some crazy reason, I thought, maybe the extra excitement of me being different would help, NOPE....what were we thinking....bad bunny and ed!

 

heehee....

 

Hip Hopping And Swinging All The Way!!!!

 

Bunny

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I'm curious though, if it's not getting hard in the pants with general play and flirting, why would men think it's going to get hard outside of the pants?

 

It happens to the best of us.

 

Personally? I am pretty hard pressed to get an erection on the dance floor. It has happened, but it is rare. I am usually too busy "flirting" to be overtly sexual. Not sure if that makes sense, but I know what I mean :D

 

When it has happened to me, it really is a surprise. I work 99% of the time. And I am not aware of my "non-functioning status" until it is too late to do anything about it.

 

But it really isn't embarrassing. I know it happens - and not just to me. In fact, it happens less to me than to others. So when it does, I just consider myself human. I'd rather things work - heck, I didn't go into a room with this woman with "limp" as my goal.

 

For some crazy reason, I thought, maybe the extra excitement of me being different would help, NOPE...

 

I'm sure he was very excited to be with someone new. The difference is comfort. Of the 1% of the times I fail to work properly, 0% is with Mrs Spoo. I am very comfortable with her as she is with me. She knows exactly what to do to get me going - and I know exactly what to do to get her going (which, gets me going ;) ).

 

Sex with a new partner is fun and very exciting! But, sex with your SO is pretty fun and exciting as well - without the potential insecurity and pressure...

 

So - don't let that bug you. You are new to him - and that is actually the problem...

 

Spoomonkey

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I don't think whether a guy gets hard during flirting has much to do with whether he will get hard in the play room. I for one rarely get hard when flirting or dancing but rarely have a problem when it is time to play.

 

I posted the above at the same time as Spoo did, I agree with what he said 100%. One thing I would ad is that it is more than likely that if you were to play again with this guy he would not have a problem. On the other hand, if you bring the subject up with him and make a big deal about it, it will probably make it worse. The best thing to do if one wants to give the guy another chance is let it be, unless he brings the subject up.

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This was the problem with our first swing....The man was definately interested and couldn't get me out of my clothes into the bed fast enough! .... but unable to get a hard erection, he kept apologizing

 

Did he do anything else? Or was he just kind of sitting there, apologizing, with no plan for other things you could do?

 

This has happened to me before, and it was so incredibly uncomfortable. If only he would just keep his cool and move to other things, we could still have a good time!

 

IMO, there is no need for apologies whatsoever. What is a woman supposed to say to that, anyway? "Ummm...I forgive you." :o This really puts her on the spot and it makes a spectacle of the whole thing. Guys, just keep the play going and keep the mood light. This really is salvagable. From my perspective at least, it's not the end of the world. "Stuff happens"

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We played with this couple once and the guy could not keep it up for nothing in the world. I was alright with it because when we started into the LS, my fiance was the same way. The guy asked me for another chance, but he wanted us to go to a room alone. Not what we are really like, but I was willing to let him prove to himself that Mr. Willy still worked. To my surprise his performance was a perfect 10 in my book. I came out of the room smiling.:D

So for you guys that are not able to keep it up, try something differently.

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We played with this couple once and the guy could not keep it up for nothing in the world. I was alright with it because when we started into the LS, my fiance was the same way. The guy asked me for another chance, but he wanted us to go to a room alone. Not what we are really like, but I was willing to let him prove to himself that Mr. Willy still worked. To my surprise his performance was a perfect 10 in my book. I came out of the room smiling.:D

So for you guys that are not able to keep it up, try something differently.

 

Yep, separate room play works fabulously sometimes! If you are same room only it can be a challenge, but it does help sometimes. Laughter works well too. I was playing with a guy and he was hilarious lol. He was on meds and just made it so much fun (plus he was an AMAZING fucking kisser, omg) lol. We ended up walking out of the play room arm in arm laughing. He just kept it so lighthearted lol. Jay played with his girlfriend (great making friends with bartenders, can you say free drink hook up lol?) and came out, we were still chilling.....he knew what had happened of course. I was laughing and said "oh yeah, he had ed lol, pass me another drink"...I think that if it can just be NOT like a funeral and sooooo solemn lol its not an issue. I HATE the apologies. Say a joke or something lol. I love laughter, so what that does is removes the pressure and moves my analytical ass mind to the next thing.

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Its not just about intercourse. To me swinging is about enjoying everything about sex. It is about everyone cumming together. One night I was being licked by a man, I was rubbing her clit, she was stroking his cock and was stroking the other cock , which was not totally erect, but I came mmmmm, she came, mmmmmmm, he came and squirted all over us, then finally HE came after we all sucked him hard and squirted, limp isn't the end!! You can still enjoy, may take you a little longer to cum but you will,

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When we are playing, because we're soft swing at the moment, whether he gets hard at the early stages is what triggers Mrs. Swing's interest. The most recent couple we played with was our second time with them and we had the same response. The man did not give up in terms of fingers and tongues, but Mrs. Swing quickly began to focus on the others in the foursome. She just feels that if HE can't respond to her, then she won't respond to him. Yes he was still firing on all of his other cylinders but he never managed to get it up. This time he couldn't get it up with his wife either. It was early in the evening and very little alcohol was involved. It was definitely ED. I wish there was an easy way to bring it up. I use meds so that I don't have to worry about it but you can't just say, hey, try one of these babies!

 

Even with Levitra there's no guarantee. When I'm not ready I definitely change the focus to the woman. That will generally get me hard. As we look towards full swing, this challenge does not bode well.

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"She just feels that if HE can't respond to her, then she won't respond to him."

 

Mrs. MtnSwing takes ED personally. A lot of women do. Has she read through this thread? If she sees how common this is and that it's caused by many things, maybe it will help her to not take it personally.

 

"As we look towards full swing, this challenge does not bode well."

 

I looked at your AFF profile. Great profile! Very well written. :) In our age bracket and beyond, you'll be seeing ED more and more. The best advice I can give you is to swing with people who are physically active and fit (like you are), and people who are younger, like mid-30's. The odds are better, although you'll still want to avoid heavy drinkers, really late hours, etc.

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I skimmed this thread because it's a long one, but from what I gathered limp men seem to be a big problem for many women.

 

This thread has made me feel that we must not play anywhere near as much as most couples (:o) because limp men have never been a "problem" for us.

 

Have I been with men who couldn't get it up? Yes. But only twice, two different men and that was early on in our swinging and neither time was I bothered by it. Both times I believe I knew why they couldn't get hard: one man was very tired, he had quite a bit to drink, and it was very late before we began play; I believe the other man was inhibited by his wife. I could have also played a role in their ED, but I decided not to worry about that and hope that my play with future partners would result in more hard cocks than not. A couple years have gone by and I haven't encountered any other limp men.

 

"How many limp men does it take to screw up swinging?"

 

A take-off of the "screw in a lightbulb" joke.

 

Somebody, come up with the punch line! :D

 

 

MtnSwing ~

 

You only soft swing, so I understand that to mean no intercourse with your partners, but you do oral. It occured to me that maybe some men resist (maybe unconsciously) getting erect when receiving oral because they are concerned that they may orgasm during oral and they are saving that for intercourse with their wife, especially if they only have the ability to orgasm once in a night.

 

Maybe some men could comment on this possibility. Tell me if you think this is far-fetched.

 

Also, does your wife give oral to these men right off the bat? If so, maybe if she focused on moving slower, enjoying lots of kissing first, and touching the men elsewhere before touching their penis. Going about play in a more relaxed easy pace, rather than fast and furious, sometimes does wonders.

 

With time and experience, and trying some different approaches, I bet limp men will be a thing of the past in no time. :)

 

LM

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"How many limp men does it take to screw up swinging? A take-off of the "screw in a lightbulb" joke. "

 

None. That's why guys have two heads, in case one doesn't work.

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When we are playing, because we're soft swing at the moment, whether he gets hard at the early stages is what triggers Mrs. Swing's interest. The most recent couple we played with was our second time with them and we had the same response. The man did not give up in terms of fingers and tongues, but Mrs. Swing quickly began to focus on the others in the foursome. She just feels that if HE can't respond to her, then she won't respond to him. Yes he was still firing on all of his other cylinders but he never managed to get it up. This time he couldn't get it up with his wife either. It was early in the evening and very little alcohol was involved. It was definitely ED. I wish there was an easy way to bring it up. I use meds so that I don't have to worry about it but you can't just say, hey, try one of these babies!

 

Even with Levitra there's no guarantee. When I'm not ready I definitely change the focus to the woman. That will generally get me hard. As we look towards full swing, this challenge does not bode well.

 

Do you think the quick change of focus might have anything to do with the man's situation? Why should he want her if she turns away quickly?

 

You are failing to see that your wife has responsibility in this. And you say it is definitely ED. Does that accusation make her feel better somehow? Apparently. ED is an ongoing issue experienced on a continuing basis. What you know is that this man did not get hard with your wife. You know nothing else about him. Perhaps she should take it personally, since her quick to change focus, impatient and demanding personality did everything necessary to make things worse.

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This is excellent advice! I am definitely filling this away :)

 

The are four reasons for my lack of "wood":

 

1. I'm distracted.

 

We had a date once that I probably should have canceled. Earlier in the day, I received some bad news about my mom. I didn't need to go visit her and spoke to her by phone. Everything was going to be okay, but it did shake me up.

 

On top of that, when we did go out - and made our way to a play room, a young college age girl came in, asking in a very assuming voice if she could watch and carrying a camera phone.

 

"Is that a camera phone?" I asked, looking up mid-thrust with my playmate. We were having a great time up until this point. I usually do really well in this area and can put a lot of stuff out of my mind (it's small, easy to empty).

 

"I'm just calling some friends to tell them to come up and watch." She said. "This stuff is cool. Go ahead."

 

"Get the f*ck out," was my response.

 

She looked like she'd never been told "no" in her life. But she did leave. But the damage was done. That, bad family news, I was done... I couldn't get it to work for anything...

 

Granted, that is an extreme case, but it really takes extreme for me to break down. A bad day at work, one too many telemarketers, a TV on the blink... Distraction can creep up at the worst times.

 

2. I've made the mistake and had that extra beer.

 

I like to party when we go out. I have a "beer pace" that I usually stick to pretty well. But most guys know, there is that place where the beer feels good - but that is all the "feel good" you're getting for a while.

 

"Oh, just one more..."

 

Those are the words that sometimes make me go a big rubbery one...

 

This doesn't happen very often to me anymore - because sex is better than beer (unless you're watching football, in which case the opposite is true) - but it has happened.

 

3. There is zero chemistry (i.e. "I'm just not as into you as I thought I was downstairs.")

 

Chemistry is a funny thing. Sometimes you think it is there, but it isn't. You want it to be there - the woman you have talked to may be really, really hot. But sometimes you just miscalculate.

 

That - or somewhere between the dance floor and the condom wrapper hitting the floor, she says something that makes you realize that she really isn't someone you want to be with. Maybe it was something annoyingly political or simply so stupid as to make you feel like you should scream out "Corky!" when you finish.

 

I've never been able to define chemistry, but it is either there or it isn't. And there have been times when I either thought it was or wanted it to be there, but it just wasn't.

 

4. The "snowball" effect.

 

This is the worst - and it really should be filed under "distraction". But here is how it works. I have a night where I am distracted and things don't work. The next week, I have a "too much beer" night. The next week, it is the classic lack of chemistry.

 

There I am - three experiences, and I am starting to feel like maybe I have a problem. I start putting pressure on myself. And here I am - week four - with a woman who is gorgeous, I have a lot of chemistry with, and I really, really want to be with - and inside I am forcing the issue; no longer just letting things go.

 

This is called a slump - and I think all men go through them to some degree.

 

It takes a really awesome playmate to get you out of it. Someone who is playful, understanding and really not a wood-killing, demanding witch...

 

I had one such playmate once. I had gotten to a point after a small streak of not being able to reach orgasm. I was about to throw in the towel and she grabbed my ass, held me inside her and said "not until you cum."

 

That is one of the top three sexiest things I've ever had said to me - and I was able to "man up." No problems with her ever again... Okay - there was a "beer night" recently, but I'm going to have no problem making that up (and wood wasn't the issue).

 

Anyway - that has been my experience...

 

Part Two (:lol: Yeah, this is a long one. I am channeling Intuition, I guess.)

 

I personally think that Mrs Spoo is one of those cool, playful, understanding women that can help a guy along. She understands that these things happen and when the chemistry is right, she doesn't give up on a guy. It may take a time or two, but we both know that great people are worth the investment.

 

This how Mrs Spoo responds to her playmates not getting hard:

 

1. She asks herself, "is there chemistry?"

 

If there isn't - or if he really is just lousy in bed with no potential to get any better - she shrugs it off and moves on. Sometimes, it just isn't worth chasing.

 

But, if there is, like I said above, we know that good friends are tough to find. Why write them off because they had an off day? We have friends who have enough stress in their lives that it makes us wonder how in the world they even have time to see us. They have so much going on - and we understand that.

 

On the other hand, she realizes that being with a new playmate can be an intimidating experience. The first time or two is really about getting to know each other anyway. We had a single female friend who said that she believed the "third time's the charm." According to her theory, it wasn't until the third time that you really start to relax and enjoy your playmate.

 

And that really is true. And it is key. "Relax" - "enjoy" - it can be tough to do that for some guys out of the gate.

 

2. She slows things down and makes things "easily hot".

 

We had one friend who struggled, so Mrs Spoo whispered in his ear (after he had taken care of her a number of times orally) that she wanted him to... Well - I guess that is between her and her playmate - but it was pretty damn hot. It wasn't intercourse, but it did get him off. And just the fact that she took the "fuck me" card off of the table, the guy was able to get where he needed to be and had a good time.

 

It also really helped him relax with her - and he hasn't had any further issues.

 

She's actually a whiz at that. Just make a change or two - maybe it is what you are doing - maybe it is how you are playing - and the next thing you know, everyone is working just fine and having a blast.

 

3. She turns the attention away from her playmates "failure" and focuses on his strengths.

 

Hey - if he is attentive and she enjoys him, she can wait for the entire experience to "flesh out". Date one and two may be oral only - but if she leaves smiling, she's not complaining. Besides, she is going to get a pretty good fuck when she gets home - so all is well that ends well.

 

But part of "chemistry" is "is he good at the other stuff". And if he is, she'll stick with him. As she says "if he good at oral, imagine how good he'll be at the other stuff!" She's not sticking it out with selfish chumps or guys who have no idea how a woman works. She is sticking it out with guys who have a lot of very obvious gifts - great people, fun to talk to, good kissers (a biggie for her) and showing a lot of potential and promise.

 

So far - she has been rewarded quite well for her patience ;)

 

Most people, it seems, go to the club, have this happen, get frustrated about it, and then go back to the club - radiating this air of frustration and expectation - have it happen again and then wonder why... Well - wonder no more.

 

Women, you have to relax a little, too. When you do - he will - and when you both do, good things are bound to happen. If you make it a habit of complaining and bitching about it - you're just asking for bad karma in that area. As I said in another thread, whether you think you are or not, you are putting off an air of "perform or else". Ladies, men can pick up on that - even if we don't know we are.

 

And honestly - I don't think that swinging is about "pleasing you". It is about having fun - all of us. If you have a "sweat shop" mentality about your play, it is going to be one disaster after another; and I think we have a number of examples of that around here.

 

Spoomonkey

 

Excellent post.

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i found that men often might be a lil afraid of what their partner will think if he is actually enjoying another woman. maybe the two women should start on him while you watch and get yourself ready. also the other man might feel as though he cannot compare to you and feels inadequate! ever think of that?

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MtnSwing ~

 

You only soft swing, so I understand that to mean no intercourse with your partners, but you do oral. It occured to me that maybe some men resist (maybe unconsciously) getting erect when receiving oral because they are concerned that they may orgasm during oral and they are saving that for intercourse with their wife, especially if they only have the ability to orgasm once in a night.

That should have been "subconsciously."

 

An "unconscious" guy wouldn't be any fun in the sack. :rollseye:

 

LM

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You only soft swing, so I understand that to mean no intercourse with your partners, but you do oral. It occurred to me that maybe some men resist (maybe subconsciously) getting erect when receiving oral because they are concerned that they may orgasm during oral and they are saving that for intercourse with their wife, especially if they only have the ability to orgasm once in a night.

 

Maybe some men could comment on this possibility. Tell me if you think this is far-fetched.

 

Also, does your wife give oral to these men right off the bat? If so, maybe if she focused on moving slower, enjoying lots of kissing first, and touching the men elsewhere before touching their penis. Going about play in a more relaxed easy pace, rather than fast and furious, sometimes does wonders.

 

With time and experience, and trying some different approaches, I bet limp men will be a thing of the past in no time. :)

 

LM

 

For literally decades I could not even get close to coming from oral. I was so afraid to come in a woman's mouth out of fear that it would upset her that I worried about it so much that I could not even get close. Also, it did not help with this issue much when several said it was OK, and then made it apparent after I did that it was not OK, since they had never even experienced it before. Black irony there; it makes accepting assurances of approval somewhat difficult to accept. So, your thoughts are quite plausible — not far fetched at all.

 

Another bit of comment, and not in response to what you have written, just an aside.... everyone seems to understand why women cannot, do not, become aroused, become lubricated; a whole constellation of mental/emotional factors come to play. If a woman is anxious, uncomfortable, distracted, fearful in some way, she will not become aroused, responsive, lubricated. That is all OK, apparently, and of course, understandable.

 

Men can be, and are just as frequently, if not moreso, affected by all of these issues; plus the fact that they have visible indicators/cocks of performance and arousal. If their cock is not sticking up like a flagpole, then, oooooooohhhhh, nooooooo, go the impatient women — what's' up [really down] with that?

 

If men, who are entirely functional, capable of erections under other circumstances, with other women, have such moments with a woman, more importantly a demanding, impatient, fuck me now woman, then, buddy, look out, because she is hurt, mad, frustrated, impatient, and declares that this guy has ED. That is, of course, a total crock of shit, and entirely one way — conveniently so. Spoomonkey's post was entirely on the mark in a number of critical ways.

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Wasnt sure if I should start a new thread or resurect this one. But to make it easy for Bunny to find and reread, I opted to bring this one back to the top.

 

It happened again tonight for the third time in all our three full swaps, another man who had trouble with an erection. The first we already posted about here in this thread. The second happened at a club so we are not sure what the story was. Last night was with a couple we have played with before but only done soft play with. From seeing how he performed before I am reasonably sure there is some issue that has already been dicussed in this thread involved. I am pretty sure that attraction is not the issue here as me and the guy have developed a friendship and chat all the time. Problem is, Bunny is taking it a bit hard. She is taking it very personaly and feeling like it is her that is the problem. She actually was to the point of tears with it on the way home.

 

She has already half jokinly said another limp dick, and we are done with this. I am at a loss with what to do. I see enough men that have a serious attraction to her, that I know that sooner or later we will hit the jackpot and find her someone that will totaly ring her bell. I am just not sure how much I want to risk her self esteem waiting for it too happen. We are a full swap couple who is very close to changing to soft swap only. We do have fun with the other playing. It is just when the final act comes up that we have our problems. And I am getting tired of having great nights for me quickly going sour when I hear that she is not getting satisfied.

 

So hopefully rereading the previous advice and any new that all of you can give will help out.

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Guest screaminggood

Please tell Bunny it's not her. I know two of us have already had a previous thread convo about this problem.

 

My last straw was our final foursome. I ended up with limp dick while the wife was thrilled and gushing (pun intended) about how big and hard my hubby was.

 

Please don't slam me for being insensitive or politically incorrect: it make me think...are they at a club to satisfy the wife because limp dick is a perpetual problem? Or does he cum in anticipation when we were talking and simply has nothing left?

 

I've consciously decided to not do foursomes because of it. It's so much simpler to do a threesome. And I'm definitely feeling him up on the dance floor to make sure it's hard and ready to go! And okay, slam me if you want, but I do like black cock for performance.

 

Go ahead and slam away if you must, but it's an honest answer for Bunny!

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