Easing it in for new swingers?

[AdamInEve 28]

We have read a few posts on this site about getting comfortable with others by easing into things slowly. Perhaps by playing naked games such as strip poker or truth or dare. We think this would be a good way for us as newbies to get comfortable with being naked around others in a sexually charged atmosphere. Perhaps the games could progress over a series of dates from just being naked to touching (erotic massage) to soft swap and hopefully all the way up to full swap. This way it might alleviate a good portion of the jealousy and nervousness that might accompany a first time straight on full swap.

 

Our question is this. It seems to us this would be a good way to start, but just how many seasoned swingers would actually be interested in answering an ad from a newbie couple that stated this is how they wanted to proceed? Would the more experienced swingers just pass this type of profile by?

 

Also, how would relatively new swingers, with just a few experiences under their belts respond (if at all) to a profile like this.

[AdamInEve 28]

Hmmmm, for some reason it seems our poll question posted incomplete and I can't figure out how to fix it. It should read:

 

"Would you respond to newbies that stated in their profiles that they wanted to ease into swinging by participating in a few less then full swap meetings so they could progress into the lifestyle slowly?"

[BiloxiCouple 695]

With our limited schedule at the moment and a couple of other things, if we go out and want to play we want to play.

 

Even if our schedule was to where we could go out and swing every weekend, we would want to play.

 

Every couples needs are different. We don't need to play games or ease into. Even when we were newbies we wanted to play. Playing games might be a way to increase a friendships value so you feel more comfortable having sex with them. That's cool if that is what you need. Not right or wrong, just you.

 

We have friends in the lifestyle that we will never have sex with and there are strangers that we really want to do. We are not looking for a friendship to be able to have sex with someone.

 

It's about the sex. I have even had to introduce myself to the woman while I was having sex with her. I am sure there is a time I didn't even get the name. Not right or wrong, just us.

 

Jealousy and nervousness can be eliminated by going to a club and going slow. Watching, dancing, a little flirting and maybe more as your comfort level progressed. Then you can discuss how your feelings are over a period of time as this goes on. It's amazing how quickly you can grow if you are immersed into a situation.

 

As someone here once said and I hope I am quoting him right, "Remember when swinging was about having sex?" Thanks Vegas Lee, I believe you own that one.

 

If we start "dating" it will be when we are no longer together for whatever reason. Or maybe our view will change if we get to a polyamory level.

[midnightplayer 135]

Welcome, being a newbie myself, we should hold hands together and move slow, I am nervous around experts. Good Luck

[CB_n_Red 16]

As someone here once said and I hope I am quoting him right, "Remember when swinging was about having sex?" Thanks Vegas Lee, I believe you own that one.

 

I'm pretty sure that was him.

 

Not so sure about the " do you remember" bit - that's still what it's all about for us! Maybe it's an age thing.....

 

CB

[fun4Ds 1,098]

If someone wants some insight as newbies, we don't mind helping them along their way, if we can.

 

Some things just aren't our cup of tea though. We don't claim to know much more than what we feel is our opinion about the lifestyle, from what we have learned about ourselves.We don't mind helping someone new with the silly questions and feelings like we had. However, we are honest with new couples. W e let them know we are in it for the sex .We would let them know that if they aren't ready we can wait or go slow.

 

We hated that when we were new, the few couples that seem to think they knew it all and if ya didn't swing with them by their rules, because they were the swingers of all. Then they labeled us as someone not worthy of others time. Well, now we see that we were worth more than that.. Funny thing, they sure want us to fuck them now though.

 

Sure we know more now, we know what we want. But we could never be anything less to a new couple, than what we wanted to find in a couple when we were new.

[sexcupid 809]

I think the game thing would be a neat way to break the ice on any given night...because honestly, it can be kind of tricky to transition between being fully clothed and swapping.

 

We are still relative newbies...only been doing this about a year. However, as others have stated...we are here to play. Our first meet up with another couple resulted in us having our clothes off within an hour.

 

Since I am attending school right now, my evenings and weekends are pretty open...but my sweetie's job sucks it and he works most evenings til 8 or 9 and he's almost always working both Saturday and Sunday. So on the odd chance we go out to meet folks, we do want to go full swap if we meet someone that we click with. We really don't have time to do 'progressive' dates with another couple no matter how well we like them....as it is we average time to go to the club/meet up about every three months.

 

It is a good idea, so not trying to discourage you...but I think this would appeal to couples that are on the fence about full swap or who just enjoy same room sex or soft swap. Again, good idea for a house party ice breaker though.

 

Maria

[sexcupid 809]

This way it might alleviate a good portion of the jealousy and nervousness that might accompany a first time straight on full swap.

 

Sorry, wanted to comment on this as well.

 

In most situations, you find what you are looking for...if you expect to be jealous, nervous, scared, freak out, etc....you may be subconciously setting yourself up for that.

 

Personally, our take on it was like jumping into the lake in April. The weather's nice, it's 85 degrees out...but you know the water's going to be cold. Do you just stick your feet in first hoping you'll get used to it enough to be able to swim that day....or do you just jump on in, knowing it'll probably take your breath away for a moment, but doing it anyway.

 

I'm not saying do something you are uncomfortable with doing, but most folks may not be willing to take that kind of time is all.

 

Good luck!

 

Maria

[socolais 696]

I guess the real answer for us is that your choice of pace would not influence our decision on getting together and having fun (however "fun" happens to be defined at that moment).

 

We're newbie swingers ourselves and originally, I thought our intended pace would be boringly slow to almost every swinger we met. Once we realized that it's just about the fun, we relaxed and let the fun happen. Full swap is just a different flavor of fun. It's easy to percieve the various activities on a linear scale and infer the tamer activities are safer to our emotions and our marriage. It's mostly true that if she'll blow up when you kiss another woman, she'll blow up when she sees yall bumping nasties. Somehow, it's easier to rationalize the extramarital kiss as a safer experiment. Once we were "on the other side", those distinctions disappeared - flirting in the hot tub is just as much fun as full swapping in the sex swing and neither pose a hazard to our marriage.

 

So, sure, we'd get together with yall for strip backgammon or a pic-nic at the fishin hole and when we ever get around to having sex that'll be cool too. The real question is - can we have fun together.

 

With all that being said, we're not "friends first" swingers and we're not really looking for new friends. We just want to share some time with friendly, fun-loving people.

[good times 991]

We would pass a profile like this by for sure. Like a lot of others said, we know what we are looking for (people to have sex with) and we don't like wasting a lot of valuable time finding it. And while I don't see anything wrong with this approach if it works for you, I have to say that it probably won't appeal to most experienced or even moderately experienced swingers. Not they would have anything against the way you want to pursue swinging, it is simply that their are plenty of other ads from people who are ready to play. So, if someone is willing to do it your way, they frankly either think you are so hot that you might be worth the effort, or, more likely, they haven't had much luck and are getting desperate.

 

To better understand what I am trying to say, try looking at it from my point of view. We usually get a few offers a week from people who are ready to play now, so why would we want to deal with someone who isn't?

 

As far as the ice breaker game type thing goes, I can't see very many people being interested in that either. We have been to a lot of clubs and parties over the years. At a few of them the hosts tried ice breaker type games, they are almost always a flop, and most people view them as a waste of time. Why would experienced swingers want to play truth or dare when their are plenty of folks ready to have sex right now?

 

My suggestion would be to go to some clubs. I know in Columbus their are a couple of good ones, although we have only been to one of them (Club 104). That is the best way to get comfortable with being around swingers and such, and you can go at your own pace without anyone else having to slow down their pace for you. You can hang out, meet lots of swingers, get naked if the feeling strikes, and even just go to a room and play, with or without others. While we would never meet someone from an ad site knowing their is no chance for sex, at the club, it isn't unusual for us to go to a room with a new couple for some soft swap, or just same room sex on a slow night. My point is, for what you want to do, you would have much better luck doing it at a club than you ever would through an ad site.

[AdamInEve 28]

Somehow, it's easier to rationalize the extramarital kiss as a safer experiment.

 

Exactly........hence the easing into things slowly. One step at a time so to speak. Just so we could judge our emotions as things progressed. We would tend to think that it would eliminate any potential drama before it had a chance to start.

 

 

I guess the real answer for us is that your choice of pace would not influence our decision on getting together and having fun (however "fun" happens to be defined at that moment).

 

We're newbie swingers ourselves and originally, I thought our intended pace would be boringly slow to almost every swinger we met. Once we realized that it's just about the fun, we relaxed and let the fun happen. Full swap is just a different flavor of fun.

 

Yes we were concerned that this would seem "boringly slow" for some but we really think it would be much more fun then just ripping your clothes off and going at it. To tell the truth, even if we were seasoned swingers we think it would be a blast to start off this way with any new encounter. Just perhaps not over a series of meets.

 

Adam / Eve

[Trace Ekies 186]

Finding a more experienced couple to help you ease into swinging is a great idea in our opinion. We were once helped by a couple of couples who were experienced and found us attractive so we would be excited to help a couple who is new to the lifestyle. As with all of our lifestyle relationships we would have to find the couple attractive to spend that kind of time with them.

 

It worked so well in fact, that when one of the couples decided to leave the lifestyle (personal issues) we have remained friends and get together regularly. Only now there is no nakedness or slurping sounds.

 

We wish you well in finding the right people to help you with your journey.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

I'm pretty sure that was him.

 

Not so sure about the " do you remember" bit - that's still what it's all about for us! Maybe it's an age thing.....

 

CB

 

I think VegasLee is referring (partially) to a lot of the people that go to lifestyle clubs to "hang out" and not swing. There have been complaints in the past about this. People that just want to go for the atmosphere for whatever reason and not actual swinging. Did I get some of it right?

 

I've seen these over the years also. Just wish they would wear armbands to identify them. Or put them in the non-swinging section.

[AdamInEve 28]

 

Jealousy and nervousness can be eliminated by going to a club and going slow. Watching, dancing, a little flirting and maybe more as your comfort level progressed. Then you can discuss how your feelings are over a period of time as this goes on. It's amazing how quickly you can grow if you are immersed into a situation.

 

We understand this and can actually see how it could be a good idea and a very good way to get involved but we also didn't want to be known as one of those couples that just go and hang out. We just wanted to get comfortable first. That is why we thought that getting together with a couple in a private setting while keeping things light and fun would be a good way to start.

 

I think VegasLee is referring (partially) to a lot of the people that go to lifestyle clubs to "hang out" and not swing. There have been complaints in the past about this. People that just want to go for the atmosphere for whatever reason and not actual swinging. Did I get some of it right?

 

I've seen these over the years also. Just wish they would wear armbands to identify them. Or put them in the non-swinging section.

 

 

We are so aware of this that we even decided against (at least for now) signing up for a local group that also hosts Meet and Greets because even though we felt it would be good to just put ourselves in the company of other people that are into the lifestyle that we are considering and see how comfortable we feel around them we also figured that it wouldn't be fair to anyone if we signed up for a group that we really are not sure we would end up pursuing.

Maybe we are just being too considerate. Maybe were overthinking things. Who knows, but that's just how it is. We really are in no hurry and feel we can afford to move at a slower pace.

[sweet_tna 680]

We're still relatively new ourselves. So we would be just fine with moving slowly, provided the chemistry is there.

 

You have to do what works for you, and those that you'll be compatible with will move at your pace.

[cupl4fun 361]

We would be happy to help people ease into the lifestyle. Yes, we are in the lifestyle for fun, but we still can be kind and considerate of potential partners. Even if we aren't super impressed with their profiles on whichever swing site we regularly offer to at least answer questions for newbies, just because we wish we had had more people who were willing to help us at the beginning. The best sex isn't all about getting, it is about giving also.

[MN Tom 251]

As recent newbies, (been in for 2 months or so now) we are very glad that there are couples out there who are willing to help us along.

 

We've had a rather good time actually, never came across (or maybe we scared em away or ignored them) any of those really pushy types that people talk about, or anyone looking to "score the newbies virginity" either.

 

Maybe it's just lucky, but at our very first party we had a handful of couples come up to us and introduce us around, and answered the billion newbie questions we had. And we've met others like that since, both online and in person.

 

We are fine with offering some advice to other newbies at this point.

[cocpl2007 170]

Adam / Eve

 

Just such a profile would be just right for us. In fact, those who make it very obvious that the sooner we have sex once we meet, the better are just not our style. There are plenty such as that, they have their interests, I guess "we" have ours. We like your style!

[ViSexual 1,008]

I've seen a lot of posts, over the years, that mention 'being friends' isn't what they're looking for in swinging partners.

 

But, 'being friendly', is sure a nice addition to the play!

 

Personally, I want to get to know the person I'm going to have pleasures with at least a little bit. I think it's like foreplay and makes it so much more enjoyable.

 

And, yes, you'll find lots of helpful folks here who are more than willing to take the time to help you ease into the lifestyle!