Has Swinging Improved Your Self-Image?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

A couple of things that we see a lot from folks who are new to swinging is a fear that they will be rejected due to what they perceive as some personal flaw, whether it be looks, weight or just not being forward enough. For those of you who have been swinging for a while, have you found that swinging has improved your self-image? Do you feel better about yourself? Or have you found that your early fears were well-founded?

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

As an adult - these past 35 years - my self-image has always been good; I have felt confident with people, capable in my abilities in business, and most important, I have been married to the same man who has always made me feel good about myself.

 

Through all those years there was one area that I really hadn't a clue about and that was how I was viewed by others on a sexual level. Everything about our life was business. We have never been social creatures so didn't have vanilla friends to test my flirting skills on or discover if someone was interested in me sexually. You could say that the sexual side of me, beyond what I had with Mr LM, had been in storage.

 

When we decided to swing, my first concern was whether I would have any appeal to people; was I too old, was I attractive enough compared to other swingers, would I have the skills required to be good at flirting and conversing with swingers, would I be good enough in bed?

 

I discovered - with the help of the Swingers Board and getting out to meet swingers - that I did just fine. Learning that people accepted me as a "sexy person" was very exciting and taught me something new about myself. For this reason I answered the poll, Yes, I believe swinging has improved my self-image because it provided a way to see an image of myself I previously hadn't the opportunity to view.

[sweet_tna 680]

Short answer: Absofrigginlutely!

 

Longer answer: I never had very high self esteem, and never saw myself as the kinda' gal any guy would look take a second look at. As I've gotten older & wiser, I've come to accept myself for who and what I am. But I still never saw myself as a sexy woman--after all, my husband was supposed to think that. Swinging has changed that for me--how can you not feel sexy and self confident when you realize that other men desire you?

 

=)

[aklovers 19]

We just happened to be talking about this same subject. I have never thought of myself as "beautiful" or even "sexy". Sure I can put on a nice bra and low cut shirt and show some cleavage, but thinking of my self as sexy... no! Since we started swinging I have definitely been forced to realize there are plenty of people who in fact do find me very attractive.

 

So to answer your question.... It has totally boosted my self Image. There are people out there who like a bigger girl!

 

MrsAK

[good times 991]

I think it probably has improved my self image somewhat, although, I have always been a pretty self confident guy. It has had a definite impact on how I take care of myself physically though. Prior to swinging I never gave much thought to my weight or how I dressed. Now days, I tend to pay a lot more attention to those things than I did before, and I think that is a good thing that also has a positive impact on my self image.

[rpu3 630]

For those of you who have been swinging for a while, have you found that swinging has improved your self-image? Do you feel better about yourself? Or have you found that your early fears were well-founded?

 

I think so. I've never thought of myself as particularly attractive, just pretty average. But hanging out in the alternative side certainly has been interesting. It's a bit insulting to argue with someone when they tell you that you are attractive or sexy or whatever, so I've decided that I must not look all that bad because not everybody can be lying. But it's a work in progress, and while I'm pretty happy with myself and my quirks, there is always more I could do to feel even better with myself - work out more to feel even more comfortable in my skin, work on my self-confidence and assertiveness in the bedroom, quit worrying so much about some of this stuff, etc.

[Texasfuncouple 69]

It has been amazing what the lifestyle has done for Mrs. Texasfun. She never had low self esteem or issues with how she looked, but the attention she gets when we go out has finally made her get a small taste of just how beautiful she is.

 

It has been so fun to watch her, as her whole mindset vanilla and "darkside" has changed.

 

As for me I am still ugly......just kidding! I have never had self confidence issues either....probably to my detriment sometimes!

[WesternSwing 504]

Has swinging improved my self-image? Well, personally, no, it's the same as it was before we started swinging. But than again, I've never been one to be self-conscious, either.

 

Now for Mrs. WS it has improved it. After kids and a few years and pounds she wasn't feeling as sexy as she did at say, 22. Swinging has showed her that she is still as a sexy as ever to more people than just me, which has been very empowering for her.

[Tia Vampire 167]

It's has improved my attitude, but I have always been an out going person. A little shy when getting familier with a new crowd or scene, but not for long, I just have to feel the crowd out to see what I can say and not say to certain people.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I've always had a self-esteem problem. But I will say that swinging has changed that some what. Mostly because my "self loathing" has led me to work out madly, change my eating habits and drop 45 pounds...

 

I could have done that without swinging, but swinging definitely added motivation.

[NWGA_Couple 41]

With us it wasn't swinging per say that help us, but our trip to The Grove last year. I've always been heavy and self conscious about it. It never was a major issue for me, but I was ashamed of how I looked at times. After spending the whole weekend running around nude, and having fun together I was amazed. I couldn't believe how nice people were and how well we were treated. It made me realize people will accept me for more than my looks.

 

My wife on the other hand was even more affected. She was always shy, self conscious, really low self esteem, and very low confidence. After that weekend she has done a complete 180 and hit the gas. It's like she's a whole new person. She's now outspoken, she'll go right up to people and talk to them, she tries new things, and has made more friends. I love the change in her. I'm proud of her for coming out of her shell.

 

Like I said ours wasn't so much swinging, we did do a little soft-swinging together with another couple, it was the acceptance we had in general.

[ncmd_couple 597]

I am the other half of ncmd_couple.

 

I have always had very low self esteem, honestly since childhood. I remember having to wear corrective shoes and have always worn glasses. I was made fun of for most of my elementary years.

 

Junior High was much different. I have let’s say, a well endowed chest and it didn't go unnoticed.

 

 

Boyfriends came easily. I really only had 2 boyfriends before marrying, both long term relationships. I was married for 7 years.

 

After ending the marriage I just never seemed to be able to get it together. I had many “partners” some being married men. I always enjoyed sex and fantasized about being with a woman and also having multiple partners.

 

But my insecurities kept me from fulfilling my desires.

 

Until I met S.

 

He made me feel beautiful. He was the first man to ever tell me how sexy I was. He invited me to shower with him, something I’d never done. He shaved me, also something I never experienced before. When we went to sleep, he’d rub my butt. Seems like a minor thing but also something I’d never had done before and it is very special to me.

 

We started swinging just about a year ago. I feel very sexy in the clubs. I totally enjoy going whether we met anyone or we’re just by ourselves.

 

S is still my rock. He has and is helping me overcome my being uncomfortable with my body.

 

Has swinging improved my self image, you bet it has!

 

[cubnamy1995 124]

For us, yes and yes.

 

For her: Amy never felt attractive. When guys would show interest, to her it was because she was "handy and available" or "fuckable" but not desired. Swinging has helped realize that she is pretty damn hot, and lots of guys and gals think so.

 

For him: I was self conscious that having a schlong of average size and girth, I would not be desired, but have found out quite pleasantly that women do find me desirable, and even prefer me at times. That really helps me a lot.

[havefuninsun 122]

I never thought of myself as hot and desirable. I felt a lot like Amy (cubnamy1995). It still surprises me to learn that I am a WANTED woman. LOL!!

 

I don't think I've ever had low self esteem, but never really thought too highly of myself either. So that's why I still get surprised.

 

An aside: The men I've met through this venture have all been awesome and such gentlemen. Wow.

[LFM2 1,482]

Can I give you the long version? I can? Ok.... Hang on.

 

With Dave, I'd say no. He's always had this unbelievable aura that spells confidence and strength. Women have always been attracted to him. He's the rugged cowboy (Yes, we really did cowboy on a ranch for years. Horses and cattle are all he's ever known) type who's never been short on humor or charm. I just can't believe I was lucky enough to catch him!

 

I have always thought of myself as so-so. I've never thought myself as attractive and certainly not someone who would turn their heads if they passed me on the streets. As I've gotten older (and wiser), I think I've gotten prettier and easier to talk to.

 

When Dave brought up the idea of swinging, it of course crushed me and I, in my most lowest self-esteem, thought he was tired of me, didn't want to be with just me anymore, might as well divorce me now because he doesn't love me anymore type of feeling. Not until we talked and talked and talked and talked did I really understand what he was talking about. The research I did and the talking and more talking and more talking only helped me build my self-image. It's amazing what it does for a person's psyche to really know what it's like to be loved so deeply and so unselfishly.

 

I would have to say yes, swinging has improved my self-image.

 

Now, I'd have to say that my self-concept changes daily. It depends on my hair, how fat I think I look in those particular pants and how stupid I think my shoes look.

 

Swinging however, lets me know that I am still attractive to other men. I've been married to Dave for four thousand years and not a day goes by that he doesn't tell me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. I know he's biased. (Ya think?) How am I supposed to know what others think? Swinging precisely lets me know what others think.

 

Holly

[prettylady 221]

Even now I don't see myself as sexy. More cute then anything.

 

I have always been the athlete, sweats, big shirts, ball caps. It wasn't until Dog started talking to me about the lifestyle that I started to look at clothes that actually FIT me. I wear shoes instead of sneakers, I let my hair down instead of always in a pony tail. In doing these smaller things, bigger things have come from it. I am turning heads now. I have been in college now for the past 3 years (last year YA!!!). Last year and this year I have been getting hit on my my peers. They are young men around 20. We are in a building full of young fresh hotties, and it is me they are hitting on. They also think its cool that I get in on the "sex" type talk they have. I even helped one of the guys ask a girl out. Gave him some tips and built up his confidence. He is a cutie.

 

I would have NEVER done this if it was 2-3 years ago.

 

Just being around the lifestyle can do wonders for how you take care of yourself and that in turn creates an increase in self image.

 

I have always been fit, but it wasn't until recently that anyone was able to notice. And boy are they noticing.

[Fantasy01 11]

Well I know from experience from past two marriages that swinging sure as hell does improve your self image and attitude. My present wife I think at times has a self image problem but in my way of thinking she shouldn't have but I really feel, we are new, that once she experiences the lifestyle attention all that will change. Getting her to accept swinging has been a real up hill endurance but now all lights look green and I know she will enjoy all the attention she will receive.

[SnowwwWhite 39]

Okay, I just joined SLS and haven't been able to stop checking out the photos of my matches.... it's a little addictive actually. But strangely, something happened I didn't expect: I'm starting to really feel a lot better about my body after seeing what's out there. This is pretty much a miracle because I've always had body image issues, even when I was (much) younger and weighed (OMG!) 125.

 

I guess all my life I've primarily seen nudity in movies, magazines, and porn.... and have never been exposed to ACTUAL REAL PERSON NUDITY other than in a few instances. All this time I've been comparing every inch of cellulite and stretch mark against the bodies of Angelina Jolie or Gisele. I worried over the size and shape of my breasts and my hips and everything else. Wow, for the first time in my life I feel like maybe I'm not so hideous after all! Now I'm so excited to go to my first party and just be myself and not worry so much about how I look.... because somehow it turns out I'm not so bad after all.

 

How has swinging changed how you view your body and attractiveness? Can you remember when you first realized you might actually be sexy despite your flaws?

[cplin78260 15]

When we first started swinging, we learned quickly that it was no longer like high school where you had the groups who had to be the best looking and have the best looking friends. I was in the crowd of folks who were comfortable in our own skin and knew we had no chance to be with the cheerleaders.

 

Fast forward many years when we started swinging. I was long beyond my high school weight (and I was never skinny) and my wife had two kids and is a lovely fluffy girl. Then you start meeting people who have the same flaws...maybe more...maybe less...but flaws regardless.

 

Neither of us have ever "judged" people by their appearance, but by what they have to say and how they act. Neither of us had been naked in front of others for many years...except for prior spouses and lovers. But once we found out that HEY! There are other folks out there who do find us attractive enough on the inside and/or outside to spend time with us....that may or may not lead to play time.

 

When we first started swinging we felt like we were in high school again...almost like reborn to have fun with others like we had never experienced. My wife had one esteem issue that she wanted to work on, and we fixed just before summer. She had a breast lift and now she is so happy with herself and the way she looks. She could care less about the "shelf" she has from having two kids and being a fluffy girl. She used to cover her breasts when she was standing up or somebody flipped a light on. Now she proudly shows off her breasts.

[gatorvol64 216]

Somewhat. It definitely has not hurt my self esteem. It's just that before we started swinging I had reached a point in my life that I was satisfied, and even sometimes happy, about the way I looked. Sure, I have some pounds that didn't use to be there but, there is so much more to "me" than what used to be there too.

 

Vol

[JustMrJ 178]

I've always thought that physical looks are only about half or less of a person's sensuality.

 

Personality can make up for a LOT!

[curiouscpl72 48]

I am usually very confident about the way I look, but recently my self-esteem has been shaken by several people asking if I were pregnant, and well that really sux cause I'm not and won't be again since I had a tubal.

 

I know it is in part due to the way I had dressed, I need to dress more to compliment my shape (which is an apple shape by definition). I have carried two children and had two c-sections both in my mid thirties thus the result being a belly I can't seem to get rid of. It hadn't bothered me til people started noticing, and I have put on about ten pounds after losing most of my baby weight (my son is fifteen months). Due to a medication I have started so my belly is more pronounced.

 

Anyway, thought I'd chime in here, swinging has ultimately made me more confident but life has chipped away at that.

[theflamekasters 20]

It has helped mine, I have no problem talking to people, but i didnth think i was worthy to have a sexy pretty woman. I dont know how i caught my wife.

 

I am a big guy by mosts standards, 6 ft 290 and it isnt all fat, i am a big framed guy, and it is awesome to here a woman say i like that u are big, u make me feel so sexy, just on my size.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

I'll have to say "yes". I tend to be a loud mouth, but I was always an outcast in High School, and Amelia was never a social butterfly. Serving in the Army really helped my self-esteem, but when we started swinging, I was handicapped by the fact that (1) I never really did learn those social skills you would need when in a sexually charged atmosphere and (2) Amelia is, by her nature, a quiet and shy person.

 

We have both been improving, although I am nowhere near where I would like to be as far as being able to socialize with people face-to-face. And it's kind of weird, too, because when I'm in a work, I have no problems laughing and joking and being a regular social butterfly with the people in my patrol area. But when I'm off the clock at a Meet & Greet or other swinger social event, I tend to clam up.

 

Amelia is also gaining self-confidence in her good looks, and is also being more friendly at events.

[des1re06 200]

Yes, it has. It's also okay to be sexy!

 

In the vanilla world, I had to be very careful about what I wore and how I talked to other women's husbands. No flirting allowed!

 

I'm a natural flirt, so I just didn't fit in with vanilla couples. Even though we had a large circle of friends, I was never completely me.

 

Mrs. D

[Tina and Bob 236]

I believe that when others tell you how beautiful you are and how good you perform sexually and how they enjoy your company; it can't help but make you feel good about herself. Bob is a very confident individual, part of what attracted me to him in the first place.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

Mr. here, I've never had real issues with my self-esteem or image. In fact if anything my ego is too large at times. The one thing that swinging has really helped me with is public speaking. Before we started the club I was never good at talking to large groups of people who I didn't know. Now I have no fears of standing up anywhere and speaking. Leah often has to tell me to shut up.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

I believe life is a mirrored image of ones self. If you don't like what you see, change that which is causing it.

 

I've always had a strong sense of self awareness. However, my personal image was fogged by insecurity and self doubt, many years, looking in the mirror at myself. This was brought on by others and how I was raised.

 

Swinging didn't change ME. It cleared some of the fog on the mirror so when I look at myself, the reflection of myself, I can say.... Hello.

 

There is nothing wrong with loving who I see myself as, with a sense of humbleness and the will to be the best I can be to others. There is nothing wrong with loving others for who they are. Sometimes, others just don't know what they are reflecting, myself included. When others tell me now, this is how they perceive me. I look in the mirror again, knowing how to greet myself..... With that simple, Hello.

 

Swinging, was a major catalyst in allowing me to change, my self image. If there is any irony. It would be the fact that I'm growing older. I'm actually getting shorter, my sexuality is lessening, my hair is thinner, there are wrinkles and grey showing. Swinging didn't re-capture my youth. It allowed me the happiness, and confidence of where I'm going.....

[Chicup 41]

I am in MUCH better shape now than when we started swinging. I can't say for sure of course, but it seems to have garnered me a lot more attention lately than I used to get. Now perhaps this is that "aura" of confidence people get when they are happy with their looks, but honestly I think women just are more attracted to me physically.

 

I can't say swinging in itself has helped my self esteem directly, a year of hard working out has, but swinging has allowed me to verify the results. I'm feeling great about myself at the physical level, and swinging is a good motivator to continue to work for that.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

The Lifestyle has improved my wife's outlook and attitudes for sure. It was a motivation for her to get in-shape physically. And it boosts her self-confidence enormously to know that she can draw the attention of men.

 

I have gained social skills.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

If you can believe it, I had to think about this before I responded. Yes, swinging can make me feel attractive and desired but it doesn't last very long. Maybe a day or two after any swinging event that we go to but then it's back to feeling "normal". I have always struggled with my self-image. After hitting puberty, I gained weight as if I were a magnet for fat. From 5th grade until graduating high school, I steadily gained 10 pounds a year. I would say I peaked in college and when I became pregnant right after graduating college, I gained some baby weight, as well. It wasn't until our baby was almost 3 that I decided I had to do something to lose weight. So, for a good 15 years, I was overweight/obese and my self-image/esteem was in the dumpster. Since starting the weight loss journey, my weight has gone down and up because of pregnancies. However, despite being somewhat skinnier and healthier, my mind is still stuck in the "I'm unattractive" state that was the norm for 15+ years. Combine that with the scars of pregnancy, obesity, and dramatic weight loss (stretch marks, saggy skin, cellulite, and small breasts) it's always a struggle to see myself in a positive light--and I probably suffer from body dysmorphia at times. Before we go out for any swinging event, I question whether anyone would be interested at all in me. So, you could say that swinging doesn't improve my self-image and it actually makes me more self-conscious and depressed about the flaws I have.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Swinging has been great for my self-image. I really like learning that other people find me attractive.

 

I love dressing up, wearing make-up, etc, which I don't typically do in my everyday life.

 

Once we started swinging I was motivated to take better care of myself and lost a lot of weight.

 

It's been great!!