The "Kissing" Rule for Swingers

[xxxfunseekers 19]

We had the no kissing rule for a short time but it was too hard to stick with it. The other couples enjoyed the kissing part and when things would heat up we just gave in. My DW always had no problem with kissing them and said it was too hard not too kiss. So...we did give in.

[rpu3 630]

We had the no kissing rule for a short time but it was too hard to stick with it. The other couples enjoyed the kissing part and when things would heat up we just gave in. My DW always had no problem with kissing them and said it was too hard not too kiss. So...we did give in.

 

Ultimately, did you find that you were okay with giving up that rule? Was there a reason why you had that rule for a short time? Only if you feel like sharing, of course.

[xxxfunseekers 19]

At first we were hesitant - thought that we would keep that only for our lovemaking. But after a few times playing we felt that it was something that we could do. While having sex with someone, there is always that urge to kiss. We discussed it and decided to go for it. Actually I found it very exciting to watch my wife kissing others as well as doing so much more with them! No Regrets here!!!!

[bill&sabrina 22]

We now pass on people that don't kiss. One of the first couples we played with didn't kiss, and they had issues that eventually caused them to quit swinging. I'm convinced a no kissing rule is a sign of future problems.

Bill

[rpu3 630]

At first we were hesitant - thought that we would keep that only for our lovemaking. But after a few times playing we felt that it was something that we could do. While having sex with someone, there is always that urge to kiss. We discussed it and decided to go for it. Actually I found it very exciting to watch my wife kissing others as well as doing so much more with them! No Regrets here!!!!

 

And a perfect example of why people reevaluate, change, remove or add to their rules as they evolve in swinging. Thanks for sharing.

[LFM2 1,482]

Can you believe that this was once one of our rules? Like many newbie couples, we thought we had to have something special just between us. Well, that is not what is special or unique about us. Our love and emotional attachment is what's so special about us as a couple. We changed that after playing with another couple that first time. What were we thinking?

 

I have to agree with the majority here. We enjoy kissing and the little tingles is sends through our bodies and besides that, Mr. LFM is just soooooooo darn good at it.

 

I can be kind of a numskull sometimes, and I'd forget somewhere that kissing is taboo and I'd reach up and kiss him and then they'd be all offended and then things would just go downhill from there. It'd be horrible. I can see it now... Arrrrrrrgh!!

 

We'd have to pass on a no kissing couple.

[SCcpl40 74]

We would view a couple with the "no kissing rule" in their playbook as a warning sign. If we enjoyed their company up to the point the rule came into play, we would just excuse ourselves and let them know that we wouldn't want to cause them to jeopardize their conditional sex.

 

We enjoy sex so much, and as so many have stated, foreplay is a wonderful part of the total seduction, and kissing is paramount for us. You can tell a lot about the way people kiss and dance.

[BCinIN 52]

We're sitting here talking about this, and we're on the opposite end of the spectrum than the majority here. Kissing is not "part of sex" at all--in fact, it's something that is most commonly done outside of sex, and between couples. To us, kissing is something intimate, and romantic...and romance is best kept separate from swinging.

[redeye69 8]

We're sitting here talking about this, and we're on the opposite end of the spectrum than the majority here. Kissing is not "part of sex" at all--in fact, it's something that is most commonly done outside of sex, and between couples. To us, kissing is something intimate, and romantic...and romance is best kept separate from swinging.

 

So how do you get started? Do you just get your kit off and stick it in?

How do you build up the sexual tension or don't you need to?

When I see someone I'm attracted to my first thoughts are "Wow I really want to kiss, touch, taste and smell you". I agree kissing can be intimate and romantic but it doesn't have to be it can also be erotic and hot or it could be a peck on the cheek as a greeting or farewell.

[good times 991]

I have to side with the majority here also, for us, if their is to be no kissing, their will be no sex.

[havefuninsun 122]

I agree kissing can be intimate and romantic but it doesn't have to be it can also be erotic and hot or it could be a peck on the cheek as a greeting or farewell.

 

Bingo.

 

Just like sex with strangers isn't making love (you make love to your SO), kissing can be very different, too.

 

I'm just sitting here thinking about how different kisses are just between me and Mr. Fun! Sometimes they're lust kisses, sometimes, they're intimate kisses, sometimes I can feel him down to my soul.

 

I'm all about sharing the lust kisses with others. No one else can get the other types of kisses out of me ... it all has to do with you as an individual, I think.

 

I'd love to hear from any long-time swingers who have successfully implemented this rule over the long haul. And like someone else asked, how DO you get the party started if it's not kissing? (not flaming, but very curious).

[TwoLittleBirds 23]

I have to do the kissing thing, otherwise I feel like a prostitute.

 

 

MISTER BIRD

I have to do the kissing thing, otherwise I feel like I'm WITH a prostitute! I guess if we are with someone we'd like to sleep with, then we're almost automatically with someone we'd like to kiss, too. In fact we have one lady friend who we'd just like to kiss together (though in our fantasies, it runs further!) and she is so sweet, gentle and pretty, with the sweetest smile we've ever seen. We sometimes wonder if she'd be into it, but it isn't a subject easy to bring up. I wish EVERYONE wore a little button that said "Swing" or "No Swing."

 

MRS. BIRD

I'm typing the words from the Mrs. and she is saying she would swing with a couple that didn't allow kissing because she understands that may be a little too intimate for some people, like something you only do with your lover. But she'd be disappointed, she said, because she likes to kiss.

[Ed & Bunny 160]

In my opinion if they have these types of insecurities they are in the wrong lifestyle anyway.

 

I am sure if all people with insecurities stayed out of the lifestyle, you would be pretty lonely here. In am sure neither of you went into your first swap ready for action and not worried about consequences. We all have insecurities. I have them about people who I don't think will respect our limits.

 

 

We're sitting here talking about this, and we're on the opposite end of the spectrum than the majority here. Kissing is not "part of sex" at all--in fact, it's something that is most commonly done outside of sex, and between couples. To us, kissing is something intimate, and romantic...and romance is best kept separate from swinging.

 

While it it not exactly the same for us, BC says it well. When we started we decided to leave that bit of intimacy for ourselves, figuring we were giving out all the others. Now after actually doing a full swap or two I have realized that intimacy between Bunny and I is more than just any one act. She still wants to hold on to it. So until she changes her opinion, we have the rule. So far it has only sent one couple away.

 

But I guess my big question for all of those who have stated they would not play. So many have stated that they started out with a lot of rules that soon went by the wayside. Why wouldn't you want to give a newer couple a chance to see if their rule also falls away? I could understand it if was a long term experienced swinging couple, because by now it would have changed if it was going to.

[gatorvol64 216]

I would choose to pass on playing with them because I respect the rules that they have. I'd never want to break another couple's rules. It's not really being caught up in the moment and I can't remember the rule...it is that kissing is too instinctive for me...I do it without thinking about it.

 

Vol

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Why wouldn't you want to give a newer couple a chance to see if their rule also falls away? I could understand it if was a long term experienced swinging couple, because by now it would have changed if it was going to.

 

To us, that would be a drama bomb ready to blow that we wouldn't want any part of - a kissing couple presenting a new nonkissing couple a baptism by fire opportunity to evaluate their rule in the heat of the moment, hoping if it suddenly did change, it is a unanimous decision on their part and the whole deal doesn't turn south real quick. If would feel very awkward when one of them tried to kiss since we'd be thinking "did they truly change their mind or am I about to be part of a rule getting broken here." How do you respond, return the kiss or not? Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Too many head games going on there for it to be fun.

 

Second reason is we know we wouldn't like sex without kissing, so why do it? Kind of like taking one for the team, but the team isn't even the home team. Just doesn't sound to us like a good formula for all four people to have a good experience, which is always our goal.

[redeye69 8]

I just cannot imagine how you can get from hi to bye without kissing, and does this include neck, breasts, stomach, legs or is this just on the mouth, what about cunnilingus ? I'm sorry but if it doesn't include most if not all and then some of the above I wouldn't be interested though I am interested in knowing what you think about and do before, during and after having sex with someone .I am not trying to be rude or offensive to anyone just really really curious .

[Pepper & Drew 384]

But I guess my big question for all of those whohave stated they would not play. So many have stated that they started out with alot of rules that soon went by the wayside. Why wouldnt you want to give a newer couple a chance to see if their rule also falls away?

 

As I said before, I don't want to have to remember, during the heat of the moment, that I can't or feel badly because I slipped up. And while I'm sure it's more prevalent in newer couples, we're not willing to wait them out to see if maybe they'll change their minds. We'd rather wait until everyone's comfortable and we can play the way we like to play. It's no slight to those who have that rule, but it would not be our preference to play.

 

 

Pepper

[good times 991]

But I guess my big question for all of those who have stated they would not play. So many have stated that they started out with alot of rules that soon went by the wayside. Why wouldnt you want to give a newer couple a chance to see if their rule also falls away?

We, first and foremost, respect the boundaries of couples we meet. If their boundaries are not compatible with ours, then we would pass on playing with them. if at a later time they changed their boundaries, we would then reconsider playing with them. We recently played with a couple that we originally met, but didn't play with at the time because of conflicting boundaries, 5 years ago.

 

What we would never do is agree to play with someone who's boundaries conflict with our desires with the expectation that they would change their mind when we get to the play room. first off, they probably wouldn't change their minds, and even if they did they would probably regret it and resent us for it later.

[Cin IN 15]

Okay, I do need to weigh in here.

 

Yeah, we don't like to share tongue kissing with other people, but our mouths (and theirs) may go wherever else they like. So, there are tons of ways to get things started, if you are creative!

About our profile and other preferences... We aren't just looking for the couples that we'd like to have sex with--we're looking for people who we can hang out with and be comfortable around as well. The reasons for our political preferences are hard to explain (at least for me... BC is much more articulate), but we have found that people with certain views act certain ways, and we would not be comfortable around them. We haven't had any problems finding couples we like because of our preferences, or the way we listed them in our profile. I think more people should be specific up front, anyway, so there are no surprises later. A lot of profiles on SLS are so vague, we don't even bother to contact them.

[Ed & Bunny 160]

Yeah, we don't like to share tongue kissing with other people, but our mouths (and theirs) may go wherever else they like. So, there are tons of ways to get things started, if you are creative!

 

LOL, you beat me to the punch again. This is the same way we are with the kissing. The neck and below is all fair game with simple kisses allowed above.

 

Also was talking to Bunny about this thread and one thing she did say, was that she hadnt found anyone she was interested in kissing. So things could change.

 

Also I wish to thank those who answered my question in this post. I understand your responses, and it is nice to see so much respect for others boundries.

[cpl2doitwithu 15]

We had that "rule" when we first started and thought it to be pretty natural to us. But it went by the wayside as many of our other rules as we were more experienced/comfortable.

Now years later, we just recently became close with a cpl that turns us on alot. They are hot, kinky and experienced, but have the no kissing rule. We do find kissing a turn on, but can abide by other's choices, because we there at one time ourselves.

[prettylady 221]

We met and played with a couple who had a no kissing rule and an oral only rule. We didn't find this out until we started to play.

It felt weird to start and it felt "unfinished" in the end.

It was an all round strange encounter.

Kissing is kinda like that transition move, helps get you from A to B with out the uncomfortable silence inbetween.

Full swap with kissing is the most natural way to swing for Dog and me.

But as it has been said before, do what ever makes you happy.

Your friend,

Prettylady:kissface:

[safireblues 106]

It's so weird to me that people would be fine doing all the other things of sex, but kissing is too intimate?

 

If I don't want to kiss someone, then I definitely don't want them touching any other part of me.

[pervgeeks 119]

I respect the rules for every couple, but it's not our preference. I wouldn't actively seek out a couple in which this was their rule. Never say never, but we love kissing. We'd just feel like we were missing out on one of our favorite parts.

[MoonShadow 15]

everyone has there own rules, They are just in place to make their relationship feel safe and secure. For some Kissing is a sensual connection that should only be shared with someone you love. Though we do not have this hang up it might save us from having to kiss smokers.lol

 

Moonshadow

[SCcpl40 74]

The one thing we reserve for each other is our love because there's a difference between love and sex. We don't think controlling your sexual desires in foreplay like kissing is natural. It's like being with a man who holds back his orgasm for fear he might not be able to play with other women at a party. It's a let down. Most men like to feel that they've completely satisfied their partner, to exclude being kissed is too sterile, controlled and meaningless for us.

[couplewanting50 65]

Neither of us could imagine sexual play without kissing, and lots of it. It is the foundation upon which all arousal is built.

 

Also, if we discover that a person is not a good kisser, we have no interest in going further. It ruins it. I am baffled by anyone who choose not to kiss. The notion that kissing is something saved for the marriage is really odd in the context of fucking. How can fucking be OK and kissing not be?

 

To me it would be like saying, I like going swimming with other women, I just won't get in the water with them.

[hotcpl4unfla 19]

Kissing between the women-great. Never between the man and woman unless it is your own. Just a rule we follow.

[spamcatcher 36]

We always kiss our partners! And I'd have to think that it would be one thing that might be a deal-breaker, if we'd read "no kissing" in a profile before meeting. No kissing seems to me to be a rule put in place by someone who can't separate recreational sex from love, and I don't think that type of person should be swinging.

[twoforone100 45]

We played with one couple who did not kiss... we would not do it again. It was too hard to remember...

[toycple 19]

I think for us this would be a pass. We both tend to kiss on people we are flirting with before we play. When we are with someone to play we both want to have fun, no kissing just seems like they are slightly removing themselves from the situation. No thanks, we like to have a little more fun than that, but to each their own, many people, many rules.

[2BeDeviled 15]

Wellllll .... Gail and I are quite tolerant of rules, most of which, to us personally were born of insecurity ... being royal chickenshits at the beginning :-) Have I ever told you about her lobbing rhetorical cannonballs across my bow after our first day at Playalinda Beach ... "they're going to fuck me you know, why do you think we're going there?" Oh well, we like to kiss and could not imagine sex without close, passionate kissing with our chosen friends ... this is all about "tasting" how others feel to us! No KISSY, NO SCREWY :-)

[sexylady1970 69]

We play by the no kissing MF rule, but FF kissing is okay. We do it since we feel that it might create an emotional attachment. We have not run into any couples that declined play because of it yet but we probably will at some time.

 

It is the one thing that we reserve for ourselves only.

[Jamie&Kieth 36]

Hi all,

 

To us kissing is such an important aspect of sex, could not imagine "no kissing". That goes for male and female. Kissing is a function of fore play, during sex and after sex. For me personally it is kissing is such a turn on after oral sex too!

 

Just my thoughts & opinion,

 

Jamie

[IvoryTowers 380]

It's so weird to me that people would be fine doing all the other things of sex, but kissing is too intimate?

 

If I don't want to kiss someone, then I definitely don't want them touching any other part of me.

 

I had a guy friend in college who admitted he would be interested in touching and maybe sucking another man's penis, but said he would never ever kiss a man. His argument was that it wasn't directly and only sexual, but had overtones of romance and that was something he absolutely didn't want with a man. So I guess I understand the no kissing rule, although I don't agree myself.

 

I'm actually not a huge fan of kissing, because I have a very small mouth and with lots of men, I feel smothered (especially with deep tongue kissing). One of the bonuses of swinging for Mr. Ivory is getting to kiss with abandon again!

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here-- This is what always struck me odd about the 'no kissing' boundary. The guy can fuck me five ways to Friday, I can suck him off, he can pump my pussy until i can't take any more, but his lips on mine are considered crossing some line ?

 

Nope, without kissing I would feel like a low rent call girl.

[NotSorry 155]

I don't know whether it's a fair assessment or not but I'd feel like a couple with a no kissing rule had jealousy issues. I don't think I'd be able to relax for fear of making their partner jealous. Not to mention that I like kissing and affection. It's an important part of the whole package for me.

[LFM2 1,482]

Is it just newbies that have this type of rule? Maybe it does stem from a insecurity issue. I know we did at one time because I felt we had to reserve one thing for ourselves, and kissing was just too intimate. (I know... go figure!)

 

Well, we reserve our love for each other now. He will always be the only one I love and the only one that will take up any space in my heart. I also know he feels the same way.

[CXXC 435]

Is it just newbies that have this type of rule? Maybe

 

I have to say that is not always true. We have run into two couples (one active for the last 5 years and another active for just over a year) that have the no kissing rule. Perhaps the one year couple can be thought of as newbies.

 

Mrs. CXXC and I have been with only two couples with this rule. It is very frustrating to us as we both truly enjoy the passion that stems from well placed kisses.

 

We know now to ask this question before hand. If the answer is no, we gently and respectfully decline.

[The Fuse 1,012]

It's on our list of things to ask as well. We recently got a flirt on AFF from a couple that had a no-kissing rule in their profile. We wrote to them and politely let them know why we could not return their interest. Usually we would just ignore it, but for some reason I felt like writing.

[MeandShe 15]

We believe that kissing is a very important part of the entire play. Kissing will break the ice and the right mood for play will create for both of us. She prefers foreplay,oral then sex method and I also prefer foreplay before sex and kissing is a very important part for both of us. We may never be swinging with a couple who do not want to kiss or get kissed

[PB&J 1,086]

No kissing= no sex for us. Oh I LOVE to kiss, the "Frencher" the better.

[shes_in_parties 22]

We usually assume "no kissing" is a newbie thing, but there is one couple we know who are the swingiest of the swingers, and they don't kiss.

 

One night we were comparing swinging to BDSM. The Mrs. said that while BDSM takes risks with bodies, swinging takes risks with emotions (which is what makes it exciting). I think that couple who won't kiss are often less willing to put it all on the line again and again, and thus often less fun to swing with.

[swvacouplelookn 33]

Chalk us down in the "we won't play if we can't kiss" category also. In my opinion (hubby speaking) it's the normal course of foreplay that sets the table for sex that flows naturally and easily. We have had a couple of experiences where there wasn't enough kissing in the beginning (not that the other couple had a no kissing rule or anything) and things just didn't seem to go as well as when there's plenty of kissing and touching involved. I would even venture to say plenty of kissing plays a vital role in helping a man have and maintain solid erections during sex, if nothing else just from my own experience.

[JipiNat 20]

If No kiss ...we do not go further..... Strange "rule" ... Maybe is sex is the only motivation .... But sex is not only "genital" (at least for us).....

 

For us...it starts with emotions, with eyes, voice, lips, smell, fingers, skin... kisses.... sweet, tender, prolonged, deep, ... and this is only the start ....but already so much !!!!!!

[MIbbwcpl 67]

We ran across a couple like that this spring...we still played, but I can't say we would again. The only reason things weren't stopped right then and there was because we were in a situation with us, them, and another couple. It really would have made things go sour if we had stopped. The male half of the couple told me (fem) about it after we had kissed. I had no clue, it wasn't on their profile!

 

Overall, we both agree that if we run across another couple like that, we're going to pass. We can fuck you, put our faces in your crotch but not kiss? Umm, no. Feels too much like the no kissing rule hookers have, and I am not a hooker.

[Dynamar 246]

Stupidest rule ever.

 

Kissing gets my motor running, and I don't play with people who have that rule.

[oc1234 435]

Kissing is very important to me. I can't imagine having sex with someone without kissing

being a part of it. When I watch my wife having sex with a partner, I am as turned on by them kissing as I am by them having intercourse.

[ClosetSwinger 112]

I've met a few couples that had the no kissing rule. Personally I am unable to play without kissing. It's just a natural part of sex for me. We have actually turned couples down BECAUSE of this rule. Not because I'm trying to be controlling BUT because I fear in the heat of the moment I would do it without thinking, I don't want to have a HUGE dramafest afterwards so I'd rather not even take the chance.

[SecretAsianMan 348]

Not kissing is really hard for me... I love to kiss.

 

I've been with a few who have "no kissing" rules - I can respect that, but it's not a preference for me