The "Kissing" Rule for Swingers

[Chicup 41]

We knew a couple with a no kissing rule.

 

They eventually relented on that rule.

 

They were awful kissers.

[naughtyus74 16]

Kissing is yummeh! We have no problems with it. There are far more intimate things than kissing, but it is very nice.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

We knew a couple with a no kissing rule.

 

They eventually relented on that rule.

 

They were awful kissers.

 

Maybe that was the real reason for the rule!

 

I would find that a terribly difficult boundary not to cross by accident. I mean kissing is virtually everyone's first step into sexuality, it is just naturally part of a sexual relationship.

[Learning 160]

We have been with a couple who has this rule. We figure they have this rule for a reason. People have boundaries, it's their thing. But I really enjoy kissing so we respect their rule but it's nice to find couples who enjoy kissing because sometimes it's better than the actual play. It's that nice build up

[swing.kidz 367]

I think it means too many newbies have watched "Pretty Woman" and have erroneously associated kissing with a superior level of intimacy over any other sexual activity. And if they uphold the rule, its their loss really.

 

Just another example of the way American media stifles our sex lives.

[little firefly 64]

Even though I don't have a no kissing rule in place for NDN when he plays, I will admit that while I'm ok with him going down on a woman, her going down on him or him having intercourse with her, I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I see him in a passionate kiss with his play partner. I guess it's because when I kiss him I get butterflies and a feeling of total love that washes over me, but with sex it's just pretty much just a way to satisfy a physical need.

 

I'm guessing that's how a lot (if not most) non-kissing couples see it. For them (and me too) a passionate kiss is an expression of deep love. I don't think it's a stupid rule as was stated earlier. No rule is stupid if it's put in place as a way to feel more comfortable and secure. All you have to do is find others with similar rules and there ya go!

 

*just to clarify, I am not responding to this thread as if other posters are talking about me or to me (as was suggested in a recent thread I commented on). I'm just using my own life as an example as I've seen done countless times by others on this board. Thank you.

[Chicup 41]

Personally I don't think a no kissing rule is that big a deal. I never understand the vibe about it being somehow so bad.

[j.e.n. 15]

Kissing I guess is kinda like pizza.

 

Everyone seems to like it ... their way.

 

I'm not a huge fan of kissing and I don't consider myself a good kisser.

 

Hope everyone has a sweet Saturday!

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

I don't think it is a bad, just different. Kissing is naturally a part of sex for me. I don't want to have to constantly remember a rule that is so unnatural to me. It would ruin the mood because I would be thinking about the rule not the experience.

 

Can you imagine you having a nice dinner with good company. Steak, loaded baked potato, grilled asparagus and a good red wine. But you were told the rule is you must finish eating one item before moving to the next. Okay, I could do that, but it would be kind of boring. And as I got into the meal and was enjoying the conversation, it would be too easy to become distracted and forget about the rule and reach over and get a sip of wine or bite of asparagus before I had finished my potato. I don't want to think so much about HOW I eat my meal as I want to enjoy it and my guest.

 

I do think there are stupid rules. They are the ones you have no reasoning for or you cannot or will not abide by it after you have made it.

 

DO I think "no kissing" is a stupid rule? For us, yes. For another couple, no, not if they have a good reason for it and they don't start breaking it themselves and then get mad at me for it.

 

And regardless if I think it is a stupid rule or not, I must abide by it or not put myself in that situation. Everyone has the right to think a rule is stupid, just not the right to break it because they think so.

[ALilOEverything 901]

For me the lifestyle is as much about the seduction as it is about the sex. I love to seduce and tease with my lips. THAT's what gets me going, turned on, makes me want to BE WITH the other person sexually. It brings the intensity of experience to a heightened level. My best experiences are with someone I enjoyed kissing, sucking on their lips or drawing their tongue in my mouth.

 

We played with one couple who had a no kissing rule. For me everything felt so robotic and like a major element was missing. In fact, I would rather soft swap with kissing than full swap with no kissing any day.

 

What it boils down is to what couples want out of the experience. If a couple doesn't want kissing as part of the experience and it's still an enjoyable experience then that's great. Finding compatible couples for those with a no kissing rule is just as important as those who find kissing important.

[ClosetSwinger 112]

I agree with Littlefirefly that it is NOT a "stupid" rule. No rules are stupid if a couple has agreed on it and if it is what they are comfortable with. It's their rule for a reason.

 

I personally DON'T LIKE that rule and as I stated before we won't play with couples that do not kiss. I am a VERY, VERY oral girl. I love all things you can do with your mouth......*insert evil grin*. So for me it's just to hard NOT to do. It's natural and I would be DYING wanted to do it the whole time. It's not a big of a deal for hubby, he could probably do it, but I know me and I know that I would just do it out of the naturalness that is kissing with sex.

 

That being said there are people that have rules that do annoy me because they are one sided selfish rules. I have read a few profiles where I get halfway through and find myself ROLLING MY EYES and moving on to the next because of rules like that. I would not flame anyone for rules that annoy me though because what business is it of mine. Unless they are pursuing us then to each their own right?

[Chicup 41]

Hot women says to me 'I'd love to give you a blow job but no kissing.'

 

I say 'Umm ok.'

 

I'd be far more annoyed with a kissing but no sex rule.

[StevieBlueEyes 48]

My wife and I have only been with one other couple. They had a no french kissing rule for MF. FF was OK. We thought it was a good idea, but we are beginners and we only did soft swap. We wouldn't have set down the rule ourselves, but kissing is pretty intimate. I don't have a strong opinion ether way, but I can't see doing full swap if kissing is out. If we are ever ready for full swap, I'm sure any kind of kissing will be fair game.

[bi4me2 93]

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they kiss, more then you could imagine. So sorry but, a no kissing rule is a no play for us.

[good times 991]

Our problem with the "no kissing" rule is not that it is such a big deal itself. The problem is that every couple we have met that has the "no kissing" rule (about a half a dozen couples,so far) has had issues, mostly insecurity/jealousy issues. Ultimately, every time we have went ahead and played with one of these couples, it has turned out to be not such a good time

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here-- We met an interesting couple who had a no kissing rule. They were new to the LS So, I said playfully and mischieviously,"Really ? Are you sure ?" He said ,"Yes," and I could tell his wife was wavering and I walked up to her and kissed her deeply and she was very responsive to it. I then looked up at him and said,"Still sure ?" Everyone laughed and we had a great night.

[Playful1 434]

i'm weird...i love kissing the ladies, but very rarely kiss the guys. generally only a little, and then only if i am friends with them too.

 

2 reasons for this:

 

-my experience has been that i like how the women kiss better (too many men shove their damn tongue down my throat)

-i lean more towards women, so, kissing is more of a "must have" with them than men

 

It doesnt have to do with intimacy for me. Just preference. I don't enjoy kissing most guys, but do enjoy with most women. Don't get me wrong, i've found exceptions to this, and I will always give it a shot.

[willyoats 324]

We only ever met one couple with the no kissing rule. They didn't really have a reason, that's just the way they decided to be.

 

My longest swing partner (25 years) didn't like french kissing an the first encounter. By the second time, she was really into it.

 

I don't ever remember any other woman who had restrictions or reservations. Thank goodness!

 

My wife loves it, and has had some truly remarkable encounters that were kissing only, nothing more. She remembers some of those more fondly than many of the fucking sessions

[Miss Sunshine 29]

I love kissing, very passionate kissing, especially with another woman!

[Youngcalcpl 125]

Yes, for both of us it is almost a must. The making out is almost our favorite part....almost.

[MN Tom 251]

We both like kissing, light on the tongues though. Tongue is ok for either of us at times, but not deep.

 

Seems about 50/50 to us in that regard, about half of the people we have kissed seem to like getting the tongue going nearly immediately, and the other half dont.

 

It's pretty rare to come across a person who wont kiss, but we did meet a couple who had the "pretty woman" rule once, and it was a turnoff. Not directly so because of the lack of kissing (although kissing for my wife is a big indicator), but the way they discussed the rule was not appealing. Made us feel like they had a whole slew of other rules that would come up eventually, and to be honest we really dislike a lot of rules.

[divenaked 325]

Wow, I can't imagine having a sexual encounter that didn't involve kissing. A kiss always seems to be the beginning of a great "friendship".

[TheSwingerSet 205]

We now have decided that no kissing no sex is a good rule, we had a girlfriend who was great, we had a lot of fun times with her. Then she went and got engaged and her SO was fine with her still playing with us but insisted on no kissing. We tried it not once but 3 times, It just wasn't here any more, and we stopped seeing her sexualy, we still talk and see them socialy.

[MIbbwcpl 67]

We've encountered a non-kissing couple once, and it's not something I would want to repeat. We were at an on-prem club in a group room with them and another couple. I found out about the rule after I came over for some fun with him and had already kissed him. I felt like I had done something majorly wrong-but in all honestly they should have informed everyone of their rule before anything happened. I still fucked him, but it was kind of a buzz kill.

 

In the future, we choose to avoid non-kissing couples. The way we see it is kissing is a large component of sex. I'm good enough to give/receive oral with and have intercourse with, whats the big deal about kissing? We understand everyone needs to have their rules, but that is one rule we'd rather not deal with.

[LuvliLady 15]

OMG, kiss me deeply and kiss me right, and I will literally have juices running down my thighs. We've been in the lifestyle over 10 years, and we've also encountered no kissing couples. Early on we tried that, but it doesn't work for us. Kissing is an essential part, no different than oral is for us both. All lead up to the rest.

 

I agree with many of the posts that have previously been written. Many times the couples with the no kissing rules, have their own issues that they need to work through. What a better way to start than to kiss someone deeply and show each other how turned on you are.

[wisconsin 58]

We all know too well when we just need that extra kick to be able to cum and cum hard when we fuck, especially with woman on a top position face to face. U are almost there but not yet. One long,passionate kiss and .....:facelick:mmmm

[exercise couple 35]

it requires a particular amount of comfort to let someone's face get right up in yours. it is a different type of vulnerability and exposure than genital contact. heck, look at the animal kingdom, where face-to face contact can be much more threatening than face-to-genital or genital-genital contact. we have so much sensory perception thru our faces--think of how many senses are right there!

 

heck, just think about the intensity of eye contact alone! i am not at all surprised there is such a variety of strong opinions on kissing in the swinger world.

[SheerBliss 92]

I don't get the no kissing rule. We love it. Although it is awkward when you encounter a bad kisser like those who lead with their tongue out of their mouths - yuck.

[wisconsin 58]

Just recently I had played with BF and requested no kissing.We both were recovering from strep throat and took ton of antibiotics.I was still paranoid so I said,''no kissing tonight''.

 

It was just impossible, we both tried really hard avoiding lips and doing everything else. We know each other very well and know exactly what buttons to push and still after about 20 minutes we realized that something very important was missing, it just doesn't work. Sex becomes plain and boring.

It was kind of a interesting experiment for me.Now I won't even start playing without kissing.

[StewartP 171]

I don't mean to be condescending or upset anyone, but often "no kissing" is a newbie rule.

It tends not to last long! very difficult to maintain discipline as the kisses move up the neck, past the ears the cheeks, and just lightly brush the lips and then STOP!!??!

 

We went with a beginner couple, no penetration, no kissing, and we kept to their (her) rules and we were very well behaved. Later they told us they met another couple who had been less disciplined and the no kissing rule had been broken. Now a year later and they are full swappers and they get it on with about 5 or 6 couples EVERY WEEKEND

 

We've been with them once since and they have evolved a lot!

[Additude 457]

We never considered "No Kissing". It's about that simple. We did not even consider it as newbies. Plus, we just do not have many rules. Never have.

[celtic239 297]

My wife has a no kissing rule for herself because she smokes cigarettes. I guess with so many non smokers out there she doesn't want to offend/turn off anyone.

[Sophy 569]

How can you have sex with someone without foreplay ?

How can you have foreplay without kissing ?

 

We have found couples with this rule in the past and we always have decided not to play with them.

[naughty_kitten 56]

We played with a couple who had that rule and it definitely was subpar. We later found out that they didn't even kiss each other during sex. Stayed away.

[CaptainAndNurse 17]

Interesting topic. I love this board! We've discussed the kissing rule. We've agreed to no kissing. However, after reading this topic it has opened some thoughts in my mind. I think many are right - kissing is part of foreplay. Kissing is a means to determine if there is a sexual attraction. Maybe Nurse and I view kissing the way we do because we enjoy kissing each other so much. That is probably an emotional tie between us that we're unwilling to share with someone else at this point. Food for though, indeed! ~Captain

[km34 672]

I am honestly not a huge fan of kissing, but we tend to steer clear of couples with kissing rules since hubby enjoys it a lot and because it is so easy to get swept up and give a little kiss (or a big kiss or a huge make out session) in the heat of the moment and we don't trust ourselves to uphold that rule for others.

 

In our years of swinging, I have really only found 3-4 other people that I enjoy kissing that much. The rest of him been awkward, too slobbery, or just not my style - all opinion, of course, I'm sure their SOs love to kiss them but it wasn't/isn't what I am used to and in kissing, I apparently like familiarity. lol Maybe I am one of those people who really does find kissing to be intimate and not sexual since I have never felt that way about anyone I've actually dated/cared about. Those 3-4 people were all people we played with multiple times and had friendships with, as well.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Given a choice between kissing and sex, my brain would grind to a halt. They're both intimate, sexually satisfying and essential activities for me. Also, if I can't kiss you, I'm not going to have sex with you. It's not so much that I think it's a stupid rule as that if you're not all in, I'm not going to bother, because it won't be particularly good sex. Life's too short for mediocrity and I have other options.

[LadyBunny 15]

Depends on where the kissing is. I reserve the kissing on the lips for more intimate times. Everywhere else is fair game.

[Mimigirl 23]

Funnily enough, one of my "rules" when we started was "no kissing". However, during a mfm session at the local theater, I went in for the kiss with the other male without even thinking about it! Luckly, although the Mr. was surprised, he was totally turned on. I haven't yet seen him kiss another woman, but I am preparing myself mentally for it. I know that it didn't mean anything on an emotional level when I did it and I have to trust that it will be the same for him.

[DaggersNRoses 271]

I wasn't sure I felt comfortable kissing. Dagger asked me if that was a no for us when I shared that with him. I told him it was not about finding it too intimate. It was just a preference.

 

Our first swap was soft. There were rules and no kissing was one imposed by the other couple. I find the swap a bit mechanical and tense. I worried much of that was me and I was destined for frigid like encounters.

 

I wasn't letting that one go. Dagger and I went back with a plan of action to have a more natural, enjoyable time.

 

I danced, I laughed, then I played a hot game of flirt and chase with a man at a club. He surprised me with a kiss that stunned me. Now that..

 

That is a time worth having.

 

The Rose

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Kissing is central to erotic play.

[JandKinBoise 858]

I hope we never get to the point that we have rules. With one playmate, J will nearly jump in his arms and make out with him upon first seeing him. I have no problem with that. Another playmate we have seen 4 times now. I haven't seen J kiss him at all. For us (her) whatever is comfortable in the situation. The first guy is a friend as well as lover. We rarely see him without at least going out to dinner, and spending an hour or so chatting before the clothes come off. The other guy is more of a stunt cock for us. Although I don't care if J kisses him or not, it just hasn't gotten to that point yet, may never.

[sparkstar 128]

Kissing is a must, every time.

I dont know how anyone can have sex without frequent kissing.

[gwen.adams 15]

Kissing is very essential to me. I find it a very important part of foreplay, and also an accurate indicator of how sexually compatible we will be.

Bad kissers usually foretell a poor sex experience. It is my opinion that about 30 percent of the general population are bad kissers.

[Cancuple-he 37]

Passionate kissing is a must. I don't think we could play without it!

[Trophy1802 132]

One thing we both agreed to even before we became active is that kissing the other person or couple had to be a part of our experience.

 

After all, it just does not feel right for either of us to be sexually involved with someone else without kissing and fooling around with them. Just would seem definitely odd and awkward not to be passionately kissing the other person during sexual activity.

 

Just our 2 cents on this subject.