I won't play with you because you play with...

[prettylady 221]

Do you say that you won't play with someone else if they play with X Y or Z? Do you tell people this blatently or do you have your list hidden and just check things off as you see them?

 

I will gladly play with X and even Y. But don't get me started with the Z group.

 

The idea of not playing with someone based the the scenerios you gave is about as stupid as my above comment. I mean in all honesty, what are these types of people thinking? Lets take a walk through their minds shall we. "Darling I really don't want to play with 'so and so'. "Well why is that dear"? "Because they play with XYZ couple and I don't want to catch asian".

WTF!!

 

If you don't want to play with someone based on race that is your choice, or lose, but to eliminate couples based on who they like to play with is just out right ridiculousness.

 

I should be careful, I think my opinion is showing.

 

Your friend,

Prettylady:kissface:

[Ellyanne77 81]

We are very new to this whole way of life, and we were both very surprised to see how much like highschool it all is. We never thought about thier being cliques within a swinging community, but there are. We have actually been told by couples who live around us who we ought and ought not play with. I remember thinking to myself that I could not believe the arrogance. We have certain tastes in people that we want to play with, but we would never not play with a couple based on who they have played with. We love going to the clubs, but it so reminds us of the highschool lunchroom sometimes.

[WeMayTryIt 120]

We don't decide who to play with based on who the other people have played with. Although, one time we started a conversation with a couple, and the female bragged about how she regularly services her husband's married friends and co-workers who aren't getting any at home. That did it for us and we politely declined. So I suppose in that case, we did decide to not play based on the fact that they make it a habit of playing with cheating men. Such a flippant attitude towards relationships is a total turn-off for us.

[VegasLee 1,486]

Over the years there has been a few people tell us they would not play with us because we had been with a "certain" couple or because we had played "outside our race." Oh well, many more fish in the sea.

 

This Lifestyle is just like life, people make judgments on you for what ever reason they want to, even if they don't know the facts. Does not matter to us, we enjoy our life as it is.

 

Some have tried to offend me to my face and it did not work and many have tried on line and that never works.

[graygo98 148]

The surprising thing to me is that swingers assume that other swingers are "open minded" and are almost shocked when they come across someone who doesn't see things the same way they do. In my experience swingers are about as open (or close) minded on average as any other group. They just have different attitudes about the marriage bed than the general run of folks.

 

As to the question in the thread... I bet a majority of swingers would fit the category at some level or other. Take us for example. We would shy away from a couple with a sexually active bi male that we knew played played with gays. Right or wrong, I don't think that is all that unusual an attitude.

[Ed & Bunny 160]

For the most part, we could care less who you play with. It doesn't even enter into our considerations when looking at someone. But we do have one exception. There is a couple we are aware of that has been known to frequent Adult stores to hang out and have sex with whoever shows up. Now if we know someone has played with them we would pass based on disease risk. But to pass on someone just because they play with another race or something like that just doesn't make sense to us. I agree it sounds childish.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

We have declined playing with couples because of behaviors we've seen or who they've played with. For a while, there was a group that hung out at the socials that were drama central. Days of Our Lives had nothing on this group. So, we discounted the whole group because of it. Now, there may be some couples that weren't part of the drama, but they're guilty by association.

 

And yes, we've turned down couples based on who they played with. Not because of any inherent characteristic, but because who they've been with were, well, icky. Terrible? Yes. True? Yep.

 

Pepper

[BiloxiCouple 695]

And I thought swingers were suppose to be open-minded.

[havefuninsun 122]

And I thought swingers were suppose to be open-minded.

 

hahahaha! We're open minded ... OTHER parts of my body may not be too open, though ...;)

[sweet_tna 680]

Since I don't really consider it anyone's business but ours who WE play with, the same should go for our potential playmates. That said, if I knew a potential playmate was part of a particular clique or I saw them playing with someone that "creeped me out", then I might find them less desirable . . .

[jujusgoodies 15]

To us, when we meet a couple and things "click" it really doesn't matter to us what or who they've done in past play experiences. If we liked them before we found out about other things they may have done, what does it matter?

[Tia Vampire 167]

We agree with graygo98. We try not to judge people by who they've been with, race, weight, and/or behavior, but there are couples that we will shy away from for other reasons.

[funfrkycpl 77]

We have heard this many times since we became involved in the lifestyle and on one of the sites we a members of we have been denied admittance into groups because the only single men we play with are black men. One couple told us they thought we were being racist to wards white men.

 

We are a very open couple and we are open to couples of any race and women of any race, but for various reasons the only single men we play with are black men. This has caused problems for us on swingers sites and at clubs. There was a couple we use to play with at a local club, that saw G with a black man one night, tell us that they couldn't be involved with a couple that played with other races. They also told us that we were wrong for not telling them that earlier. Well all we could say was, good riddance.

[NumbskullsX2 24]

When we're meeting somebody for the first time, we're looking for people that are basically like US. (there can be exceptions, of course) So, since we're married, we look for couples that are married. We work hard to stay in shape, so we look for other couples who are also in shape. We are not alcoholics, so we look for other couples who are not alcoholics. We are not racists, so we look for other couples who are not racists. We assume that those kinds of people are looking for people like US as well. So if we met somebody who told us they played with those kinds of people, we would probably feel that they weren't like us after all and would pass them by.

 

I don't have any problem at ALL with people who won't play with others based on who they (the other people) associate with, so long as they are up front about it.

[crazycatz 17]

When we're meeting somebody for the first time, we're looking for people that are basically like US. (there can be exceptions, of course) So, since we're married, we look for couples that are married. We work hard to stay in shape, so we look for other couples who are also in shape. We are not alcoholics, so we look for other couples who are not alcoholics. We are not racists, so we look for other couples who are not racists. We assume that those kinds of people are looking for people like US as well. So if we met somebody who told us they played with those kinds of people, we would probably feel that they weren't like us after all and would pass them by.

 

I don't have any problem at ALL with people who won't play with others based on who they (the other people) associate with, so long as they are up front about it.

 

So are you saying that if you found out that a couple you wanted to play with had played with a bigger couple then you would turn them down?

[NumbskullsX2 24]

so are you saying that if you found out that a couple you wanted to play with had played with a bigger couple then you would turn them down?

No, but if we knew for a fact they also played bareback with a single male from Haiti or a couple who was into gangbangs we would probably avoid them just because of that . (but if some couple is reading this and they do those things, theyre probably going to be bored with us anyway). It all depends, we don't have any hard and fast rules about it.

 

We've met a few real jerks in this lifestyle and in the world in general, and if somebody came to us and mentioned that a person we considered a jerk was a good friend of theirs, we'd probably think twice about adding them to our list of friends. I'm not saying we wouldn't, I'm just saying we'd have to think about it is all.

 

BTW, we usually look for people who are generaly HWP, but we've had some great times in and out of the bedroom with people who are not HWP. Which is why I said there are exceptions to everything.

[des1re06 200]

Our opinion:

 

What business is it of ours who you play with? Just because we're not attacted to "Bob and Sue" doesn't mean that we have the right to tell you not to play with them in order for you to be with us. We don't have an interview process where we ask everyone you've been with. So no, it's not a consideration.

 

As far as certifications go, we've only played with 2 of our certs. Just because we meet people, doesn't mean that we swap.

 

Mrs. D

[CrazyCampers 15]

Great topic with even better replies! Here are a couple examples that happened to us but haven't been mentioned yet...

 

"Oh, you don't want to play with them, he doesn't like to use condoms"

"Oh, we've been told to keep away from you"

 

The first comment came from a new couple we had met and they knew the other couple very well so just figured it was some kinda game they were playing between each other because the non condom couple told us some things about the first couple as well...we don't associate with them so much anymore. Now the second comment is more interesting because until just now I always took it to mean an undisclosed couple had claimed some kind of attachment to us and warned them to 'back off, get your own couple!' kinda thing. However, now that I am writing this down, makes me wonder if it was a warning from another couple to stay away from us? Hmmmm, things that make you wonder?

 

Bahhh, their loss!

[havefuninsun 122]

No, but if we knew for a fact they also played bareback with a single male from Haiti or a couple who was into gangbangs we would probably avoid them just because of that . (but if some couple is reading this and they do those things, theyre probably going to be bored with us anyway). It all depends, we don't have any hard and fast rules about it.

 

Well said.

 

It's all quite interesting. We've been blocked on SLS by a couple who says that we not "for real" because we've had a membership on there for a couple of years, we don't share face pics online, and we don't have any certifications." So, that's their basis for meeting people.

 

So, those people DON'T/WON'T play with us because of who we haven't played with. How interesting is that!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

 

So, those people DON'T/WON'T play with us because of who we haven't played with. How interesting is that!

 

They don't know if you have played with someone or not... they won't play with you because you won't TELL THEM who you've played with.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

It really doesn't matter who you won't play with...

 

Because...

 

You are probably only a couple of sex partners away from playing with whatever situation/couple you personally don't like.

 

You won't play with someone because of who they are, they do gangbangs or don't use condoms?(e.g.) Well maybe we have played with them and now you are going to play with us. I probably won't even bring up my past encounters and it is not any of your business. So now you have played with that couple you didn't want to and didn't even know it.

 

Swinging is a smaller world.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

So now you have played with that couple you didn't want to and didn't even know it.

 

Swinging is a smaller world.

 

6 Degrees of Swinging Seperation. we are probably all only 6 steps away from swinging with Kevin Bacon.

[havefuninsun 122]

6 Degrees of Swinging Seperation. we are probably all only 6 steps away from swinging with Kevin Bacon.

 

We keep HOPING for that! LOL

 

(this gave me an idea for a new thread)

[NumbskullsX2 24]

It really doesn't matter who you won't play with...

 

Because...

 

You are probably only a couple of sex partners away from playing with whatever situation/couple you personally don't like.

 

You won't play with someone because of who they are, they do gangbangs or don't use condoms?(e.g.) Well maybe we have played with them and now you are going to play with us. I probably won't even bring up my past encounters and it is not any of your business. So now you have played with that couple you didn't want to and didn't even know it.

If we knew that you were good friends with a couple who did gangbangs and played with strangers without condoms, then yes, I might think twice about us getting together. That might not be fair, but we have to feel good about somebody before we get intimate with them, and some people just don't leave me feeling good about them.

 

I'm not passing judgement on anybody for what they do in private, but if we think somebody's friends are messed up, they have to convince us that they're not messed up too.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I have to admit that there have been one or two couples that we were on the fence about, but when we saw that they gave and received glowing certifications to/from a couple that are known drama bombs (having been banned from two different clubs), we decided to take a pass.

[Chicup 41]

One reason we don't accept certs is that we ourselves use them more as a screening tool than a verification one.

[BeStylnIT 114]

One time a woman broke things off for a MWM because I got stoned....gotta say I was surprised! Open minded enough to swing but not ok with some ganja????

[occ 148]

If they look like they will be fun to have sex with and are fun to talk to when we meet, we'll have sex with them. Since we don't frequent clubs we don't see a lot of people in action to judge them. Its just easier to avoid all the drama. I can't control what someone does other than when they are having sex with us. So I'm not going to try. We will just take precautions and then try to have as much good sex as we can.

[km34 672]

One time a woman broke things off for a MWM because I got stoned....gotta say I was surprised! Open minded enough to swing but not ok with some ganja????

 

Not gonna lie... We'd do the same thing. No offense, but it's just not our thing. We have no problem with people doing it, just prefer it to be when they aren't around/going to be around us.

 

We won't play with anyone that we meet and all they can do is talk about bad experiences. ESPECIALLY if they try to use names/SLS ids. We've yet to meet/know anyone toxic enough that we would rule people out by mere association.

[BeStylnIT 114]

We have no problem with people doing it, just prefer it to be when they aren't around/going to be around us.

Got ya....That's not what happened though. She said it was deal breaker and it caught me off guard consider how much pole she like to smoke. I think you're attitude is a good one though. You're not asking someone to change. You're just asking they respect you and respect your preference for hanging out together.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

One time a woman broke things off for a MWM because I got stoned....gotta say I was surprised! Open minded enough to swing but not ok with some ganja????

 

I don't really smoke pot, I do drink. If someone I was around was totally stoned or just totally drunk I wouldn't want to play with them at that point. Maybe another day, but not when you are stoned. If you need to be stoned or drunk to swing then it's definitely a deal breaker.

[Alura 2,774]

I doubt anybody needs to be stoned to swing, but it just might be that someone would need to swing if they were stoned. Pot is a known aphrodesiac for both men and women; one could miss a special experience.

 

The white man's poison water is a totally different thing. I wouldn't turn down a lady who was stoned. (I might accept a hit. ) But I have, and would again, turn her down if she's drunk. A drunk in bed is not very appetising, in my opinion.

 

My friend, Roberto, told me Puerto Rican Ganja is rockin'! But it's a well-known fact that "Them boys from Oklahoma roll their joints all wrong."

 

For those who might wonder, this post was done absolutely straight.

 

Alura

[corynlaine 118]

This isn't us, rather we've noticed this on a LOT of single BiF profiles - after various levels of detail explaining that they are interested in g/g or a no drama couple for 3somes they post usually in big bold letters - that they won't play with bi-guys. We find it really hilarious for 2 reasons:

 

1) the statement is such a disconnect from the rest of the profile that you just want to say WTF.

2) we get IMs or notes almost on a daily basis from couples listed straight guy bi girl who tell us that he's really interested and or plays but they just don't advertise.

 

We wonder are these unicorns just clueless about how many men are actually interested or do they have some bizarre stereotype of what bi guy is?

 

We are FAR less selective about looks than we were when we were single and, it seems, most of the people's profiles we read. Obviously there has to be connection but we would and have been accepting of people we would never have looked at when we were single - as long as the connection is there.

 

 

People we won't play with EVER - guys (seems to be mostly a singles syndrome but many a couple's male's do it as well) who brag -whether about their sexual prowess or their money. Single women - I guess it's only natural that someone in such high demand would easily let it go to their heads, but we deal with enough ego and power play and all that at work. We recently saw a single bi profile listing "Now taking interviews" REALLY?

[vanillaknot 99]

We never thought about there being cliques within a swinging community, but there are.

 

I used to do doorman/bouncer duty at the club we frequent (now we're just regular members) and I have to say it became obvious very early on that there are indeed some cliques. But one must be careful to distinguish a genuine exclusionary "we're too cool for you" sort of clique from groups of friends who tend to show up together a lot.

 

This is to say, it's pretty common for a few friends to arrange to hit the club on a certain evening, and they take over a typical (predictable) set of tables, and socialize among themselves. But it's not an exclusionary grouping, it's just a set of old friends that are happy to get out together, and whether there's any playing that happens among that set is almost secondary, and the fluidity is high for people coming and going in that social arena. That's different from the way-too-regular, way-too-fixed sets of folks that I would identify as a real clique who make something of a point of avoiding the possibility of being social with anyone outside their particular group.