Vanilla girlfriend attended club with us without her boyfriend's knowledge...

[here2play 15]

Ok, this is a good on. First off, we were accused being swingers (like that's a bad thing?) long before we actually were, now we are fine with it, we are happy and that's what matters.

 

So, a vanilla girlfriend of ours, who is unfortunately with a so called boyfriend, had expressed interest in going to a club after we told her of our experience. So, we took her.

 

We did not manipulate her or anything like that (but it would have been fun to seduce her!), we gave her a tour, showed her around, etc. Low and behold she ends up watching us, and playing with me (female half), just a little. It was hot!

 

So she got herslelf a profile on SLS and somehow, her boyfriend checks her history and flips! Of course being very childish, not wanting to see us, forbidding her to see us, etc. She attempted to remind him how he always wants threesomes, etc., and that is, in fact, a form swinging o what's the problem? She was curious and we showed her.

 

Clearly the relationship as a whole is utimately doomed, but that's their call. So now, she had a blast, definately wants to go back and is trying to get him to go. He is still freaking out, not wanting to see us, etc., and we were friends with him as well.

 

So my friends, let me have it, what would you do?

[cubnamy1995 124]

This is just me, but I would stay out of it until there is some sort of resolution to their issues. I would let her know that you don't want to create strain in her relationship, but you are her friends and will be there regardless of what happens with this guy. That way, if she can get him to come around, great, if not, you were not the reason for their break-up.

 

Others may disagree, but this is what I would do.

[here2play 15]

That's pretty much what we have been trying to do. She calls us occassionally, but we are likely to be invited over to their home and not sure how to go about that, with his feelings at this point.

[graygo98 148]

Boy, if the fact situation was a bit different you would be flamed six ways from Sunday by now.

 

Say that a married man had expressed the same interest in the lifestyle to you and you had taken him along to a club without his wife's knowledge and played with him " just a little"? And then were perplexed when the wife found out and didn't want him to see you again? You would be hearing loud and clear that what you did was at best ill-advised and that you should respect her wishes.

 

It doesn't really matter much whether they have a great relationship or not, or whether you respect her/his SO or not. You mess with one part of a couple (married or otherwise) without the other's knowledge or consent and you are playing with fire and can't complain when you get burned.

[cubnamy1995 124]

That's pretty much what we have been trying to do. She calls us occassionally, but we are likely to be invited over to their home and not sure how to go about that, with his feelings at this point.

 

I would find an excuse to avoid it. Like Graygo said above, If the roles were just a little different, then this would be a big issue. I would honestly stay away. If she becomes single again down the line, then by all means, help yourself. Until then, avoid contact with the guy like the plague.

[here2play 15]

Well put Graygo and very true. I think that we lost sight of the two of them based on how they portray their "relationship". The both list each other as single, yet do live together, clearly stuff they need to figure out. But now that it's said, we suck!

[graygo98 148]

we suck!

 

 

No, you don't. You just got drawn into their drama and appear to have learned a bit from it. Our third rule is "no missionary work with friends". Didn't learn it quite the way you did, but its a good one to have, I think. (Rule two is "No messing with couples, even (especially?) if they are real messed up already." You know, the "my wife doesn't like sex anymore" "my husband desn't understand my need to grow" people.)

[here2play 15]

Thanks, becuase that truly does help...

[BiloxiCouple 695]

The NO's of Swinging (at least for us)

 

1. Don't play with vanilla friends. (not worth a friendship)

 

2. Don't play with cheaters. (not worth the problems)

 

3. Don't play with co-workers. (not worth the job)

 

4. Don't play with drama. (not worth the headache)

 

I think ya'll covered 1, 2, and 4. It's gonna be tough.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

So, a vanilla girlfriend of ours, who is unfortunately with a so called boyfriend, had expressed interest in going to a club after we told her of our experience. So, we took her.

Was your girlfriend already dating her boyfriend at the time you took her to the club?

 

How long ago did this club threesome with your girlfriend happen?

 

How long has your girlfriend been living with her boyfriend?

 

LM

[here2play 15]

Likeminds - they have been "dating" for 7 years, they say out of convenience, her mom through her out, she couldn't live alone. Yes they were together when we took her at her request, this was last weekend and the living together for about 5 years.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

When a couple decides to take their first step into a swinger club it is usually a huge step, one they come to after lots of discussion and mutual agreement.

 

Why would you assist your girlfriend in going to a swinger club with you and engaging in sexual play without discussing this idea with her boyfriend first?

 

You all made a bad decision.

 

Her boyfriend should be upset. I don't blame him for not wanting to talk with you yet, or have his girlfriend associate with you. He needs to calm down. She needs to wise up. They need to talk.

 

I don't think it is out of place to say she cheated on her boyfriend with you. The sting of the cheat may not be as hurtful as if his girlfriend had had sex with a man, but you still had sex, your husband was involved - even though not with the girlfriend - and it is unfortunate that you didn't first talk with the boyfriend before all of you headed to the club.

 

Maybe it was because you knew the boyfriend would object, so you didn't bother to ask him.

 

I think you owe the boyfriend an apology.

 

LM

[Ed & Bunny 160]

, but we are likely to be invited over to their home and not sure how to go about that, with his feelings at this point.

 

I think you owe the boyfriend an apology.

 

LM

 

I think LM has the best idea for you. Apologize and admit that what you did was wrong. If he still values your friendship he will get over it. If not you will go your separate ways and have learned something. But unless there is already too much drama going on in the household he should calm down with a good apology.

[turnuptheheat 98]

You asked for opinions, so here's mine....

You screwed up along with your friend. She has some mending of her relationship to do, without you, and you have some waiting to do.

If you see him again, an aplology is in order IMO.

Good luck, hindsight is 20-20.

[junkyard38 21]

This post hit home very directly. Well my partner of 5 years, decided to swing behind my back while I was working. For what ever reason she was being watched. for she has a sleeping disorder and her driving is no the best. After the fact I was also told that here partner was being watched also. The friend of mine whom is a officer of the law informed me.So when I confronted her the only explanation was I need more sex. Need less to say that did not sit well with me, and when she continued her tyrate, why do I not trust her I took no more. Went into my office and bought a one way ticket back to

her home land of England, and 5 days latter deposited her body at the airport.

 

My feelings are if we did it together, and I never interfered with her choice of partners,to have it done behind my back the consequences in my home are very permanent.

 

Games with peoples lives, become and have long lasting ramifications.The real word for this type of actions is Infidelity and lack of respect.

Don

[here2play 15]

Thanks to all honest opinions, that is why I was here. I had mixed feelings, but went with the flow in the heat of the moment. What can I say, I am human.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

and when she continued her tyrate, why do I not trust her I took no more.

 

Hmm... why don't you trust her? Because she does things behind your back! Go figure.

[sweet_tna 680]

It may be unfortunate for you that she has a boyfriend, but that does not excuse you from playing with her without his permission. Anytime you do something without your partner's knowledge and consent it is cheating. Regardless of how rocky things might've been with the boyfriend at the time, it still amounts to the same thing. And fyi, it's never a good idea to swing with anyone that isn't in a SOLID relationship anyway.

 

Except for offering the boyfriend an apology, I'd back away and let the girlfriend and her man sort things out. Mistakes happen, and hopefully you can learn from this one and move on.

[WesternSwing 504]

I'd stay out of their drama, and tell her so. Tell her that you love her as a friend, you love to hang-out with her, but that you don't want or need her boyfriend's shit. I think she'll get tired of it too and eventually leave him.

 

Basically, he's got issues - they aren't yours - and you don't need to deal with them.

 

We just went through a similar situation. Mrs. WS has a friend and coworker that knows our dirty little secret and for awhile she wanted to play with me really bad. She used to send me naughty text messages and pictures, etc., but we never got together. The coworker thing kind of keeps us at arms length when it comes to getting naked. Then she meets Mr. Right who has some friends that are swingers, and he's had threesomes with them, but he gets all freaked-out about her being friends with us because we're swingers and might try to seduce his girlfriend. She is tough enough that she told him "to bad, they were my friends before you and I met and I haven't had sex with them yet." Eventually he came to trust us (me mostly since that was what he was really worried about) and all was hunky dory. They got married, his jealous and controlling manner continued, the marriage lasted two months and she left him. Now she's dirty texting me again.

[varangian 1]

Thanks to all honest opinions, that is why I was here. I had mixed feelings, but went with the flow in the heat of the moment. What can I say, I am human.

Absolutely. The life of a swinger is based on lies and deception and cannot be otherwise. He is doomed to hide his real self from his children, his parents, friends, collegues - and present a mask for everyone to believe in. This is the price he must pay and I don´t think your action was all that bad. Stop whining, I´d say, and if you feel bad about what you did - don´t do it again!

[junkyard38 21]

Julie, when one commits to a partner or spouse, that means things behind the others back is not acceptable. No different then a man goes out and get some on the side. It just so happens the shoe is on the male foot this time. This has not been the first time that I caught her at the games she was playing.

[CrazyCampers 15]

I come to this discussion a little late but have a different perspective than others. Perhaps it's because I tried to fight a traffic ticket on Friday and had a long discussion with the officer as he talked me into taking the ticket and not fighting it but I digress...lol!

 

Your friend is over 18, therefore an adult and can make her own decisions...visiting a swingers club without the knowledge of the other half as far as I'm concerned is not breaking any rules. However, the fact that both females played a little has probably caused him to have images of her having better sex with you and perhaps the husband as well. Remember, nobody told him this was going to happen so he may also believe that you are not telling him everything that happened to save face.

 

Here's what I would do...face up to it, talk to him and assure him that it will no longer be an issue and he can be certain that nothing else will ever happen unless they both decide to venture down that road.

 

Tell him you rather salvage the relationship at this point and the only way you see that it can be done is by giving him a blow-job right then and there....shit I digress again in my own fantasies....but I am sure you got my point. Be up front with him and assure him it will not be an issue and that you will respect his wishes and to leave it to the both of them to sort out their sexual life.

 

my .02 watts

[here2play 15]

Crazy campers - although I am just reading this, that is exactly what happened! The four of us met yesterday unexpectedly and all was well! We are all remain friends, he was caught off guard, as these are his interests as well, but did not feel comfortabe "going public" and feel a bit reassured that it is not "taboo" to be in the swinger lifestyle. They both contacted us last night hoping to attend a club in the near future, together. All in all, we ALL learned something and are moving on!

 

Thanks all, good or bad reaction, well respected! Have fun and be safe!

[CrazyCampers 15]

Crazy campers - although I am just reading this, that is exactly what happened!

 

So, did he enjoy the blow-job?

[turnuptheheat 98]

Can you NOT enjoy a blow job?