Is your hobby really worth the risks?

[VegasLee 1,486]

Many of you are swingers by hobby. Not as your lifestyle.

 

Is a hobby really worth the rewards that you perceive to receive?

 

There are two main factors that could change your life forever.

 

1. Catching something that could kill you and your spouse!

 

The chances of catching something are slim but it can happen. We have been in this Lifestyle as full on swingers for about thirty years. I can count the number of times we have used condoms on one hand and we have never caught anything at all. Many of you are going to go nuts about the fact that we are not protecting our self the way you feel we should but that is our choice. Does not mean it won’t happen someday. This is our lifestyle, not a hobby with us and we lead it the way we want to lead it. The way that works for us and the people we are involved with.

 

Condoms are not going to always protect you. You can exchange partners one time and end up with a lifelong disease that cannot be cured or even worse, it could kill you. Your family will know at that point. Chances are your family and friends will know about your choices if that happens.

 

2. You are going to be found out.

 

Anyone that has spent many years in this Lifestyle is found out. You can hide behind blurred pictures, block free members on web sites, only go to clubs hundreds of miles from your home but someday, someone you know is going to see you. They may or may not out you. Depends on why they are looking in the first place.

 

Members of the press are PAID members on many of the bigger Swingers Web sites. Don’t kid yourself; they will pay the fee to be there. Many of them are swingers and some of them keep memberships up looking for good stories to write. I know, I have met some of them over the years. There is also many members of the press that show up for Meet and greets, go to conventions and to parties all over the country.

 

There are companies out there that employers hire to find out about people on the Internet. These companies are paid members of most all major Swingers Web Sites. I know about these because companies I deal with have used them to find out about their own employees.

 

There are also people in this lifestyle that get pissed off and start trouble. You never know who they might be. You party with them this weekend, don’t want to party with them next weekend and the next thing you know your picture and story is posted on some web site on the World Wide Web! It happens.

 

What is going to happen to your job, your kids and parents when the world finds out that you are exchanging partners for sex once in awhile? Is the little league going to kick you and your kid out of the game? Is this something you are prepared to deal with? Can you stand up for what you believe in or is this something you just hope does not ever happen to you?

 

I bring this up because this “Lifestyle” has changed so much over the years. Society is not going to accept that fact that we have sex with other people for the fun of it and that it is not damaging our relationships. We can hope for them to accept us but it just is not going to happen.

 

Many people come here and look into this lifestyle for a new thrill, a new hobby. Golf just is not doing it for them anymore and they are looking for something else.

 

Many feel they must stay in the closet to keep the world for attacking them or having to deal with the consequences of what will happen to their life when it comes out they are having sex with many other people other than their spouse.

 

I know, your sex life is no one’s business but your own but you have made it others business as soon as you contact anyone on a web site or step foot into a Swingers club. You are opening the door for someone to put your picture on T.V. or the front page of a news paper. Sex stories sell and make for good news in today’s world.

 

We are the proud parents of six kids, eight grandkids and we have never been in the closet and it has not affected out family or our jobs when we had them. Why, because we have always been open and honest about our LIFESTYLE and not treated this as a part time hobby. We have nothing to hide so no one can use it against us.

 

You have to do what works for you. I am not saying our Lifestyle if for everyone just as swinging is not for most.

 

You need to really think, is this part time hobby of yours worth the risks involved in it?

[havefuninsun 122]

"You need to really think, is this part time hobby of yours worth the risks involved in it?"

 

 

Great post, Lee.

 

And I think the answer is yes.

 

We understand there are health risks. It makes me feel great to know that you've been participating in this Lifestyle for as long as you have and are healthy for it. However, with any activity like this, there are risks. For us, we try to play in ways we feel limit the risks. I say limit, because we know that anytime you have sex with anyone but your partner there is a risk. We are comfortable with the health risks.

 

Folks finding out? We just don't want to go there, but we're not going to be surprised if we ever run into someone we know. We also understand that circles in our area run small. If I HAVE to have the conversation with my mother, my boss, etc., I don't relish the idea, but I'll live.

 

We do not consider ourselves "in the lifestyle." Our life is not revolved around our swinging activities. We are a couple who enjoys swinging as a hobby.

 

So, for now, we think that "... this part time hobby of [ours] is worth the risk.

[Ellyanne77 81]

Jeepers Lee. Way to bring my lunch break down a peg or two. lol J/K

My thoughts are as follows:

 

When I was in high school there was a football player that infected several girls in school with herpes. By the time I graduated I can think of at least 10 people in school that had it.

In college I rarely ever used condoms. I have also never used them in 10 years of marriage. Now however in swinging, we always use them.

Why? Becuase even if there is a .000001% chance it will keep me from contracting something penicillin won't cure, than that is enough for me. It's like saying seatbelts don't really save lives, maybe they don't help to much, but they help a little, and even though they are uncomfotable, that little bit of safety is enough to make me wear mine.

 

As far as being found out. It's a possibility. I don't ever plan on running for public office or heading up a christian coalition, so from that end I am not so worried. If our familiy or friends found out we might be looked down upon a little.

 

However everyone has a family member or friend who is borderline alcoholic or does drugs, or is a little rough with their spouse. We accept those people for the way they live their lives, and I feel swinging is much lower on the richter scale for activities that would be frowned up by the people in my life. (PS I do not believe swinging to be a bad thing like alcholism, I am just making comparison in the way vanilla's would see it) I believe those whom truly know us, envy our relationship, and while they might be slightly shocked by finding out about us, I can't think of one true friend or family member that would disassociate with us.

[sweet_tna 680]

You make some excellent points, Lee. And these are things to which we all should give consideration. I don't know what the criteria is for distinguishing between being a part of the lifestyle, or just swinging as a hobby--nor do I care. The risks are the same.

 

Yes, Mr. Sweet and I feel that our persuit of this hobby/lifestyle are worth the risks. We are well aware that condoms are no guarantee against STDs, but they're better than nothing. Should either of us ever contract a disease as a result, we'll live with it.

 

And naive though I may be at times, I do realize that we could be "outed" at any time, and by any one. So what? The people in our lives will accept it or they won't--whether we tell them or they learn it from someone else really doesn't matter.

 

Life is too short to spend it looking over your shoulder.

 

=)

[Dagney 78]

Great post Lee!

 

We agree with you on both points. We don't have the experience you do, but we both feel that this is definately our lifestyle and not just a hobby. We accept the risks associated with the way we like to live our lives, just like those who are into skydiving, flying, dirt bikes, etc. accept the risks associated with those activities. And if someone finds out, it might not be ideal but it wouldn't be horrible. While we don't advertise that we are swingers, when directly asked we have been honest because we are not ashamed of what we do. As for society accepting us.... that's just never going to happen even if we didn't swing!

[socolais 696]

I think this is a big concern for many beginners - it took us a while before we felt confident that we had explored the realistic consequences of our decision. It was very difficult to evaluate the full spectrum of risks and their probability before we actually gave it a try. The open and rational discussions on this forum went a long way toward helping us manage those risks into our comfort zone. We accepted a big part of the risks as the price for adventure.

 

I think we over estimated the probability of a negative reaction from either of us which might lead to damage to our relationship. This was something we feared more than getting busted for sleeping around. There were no negative emotional reactions at all and that boosted our confidence to enjoy the activities more.

 

Getting outed would most likely be a major hassle, but most of the folks that really matter to us would get over it eventually. I've always been a little bit of a black sheep anyway.

 

The risk of communicable disease doesn't diminish to zero if we don't swing and we see the disease risks of swinging as perhaps just a little bit higher than normal daily activities. Yeah, it would suck if we caught something serious, but it would suck worse if we had caught it without the fun involved. We've decided to just deal with it, if and when it happens.

 

So, we're not lifestylers for sure and maybe even hobbyist is too strong, perhaps novice or duffer would be more accurate. And yes, we think we got a good return on our investment.

[willyoats 324]

The possibility of showing up on TV is real. We were regulars at a club in Indianapolis a few years ago. One night a local TV station had a reporter sneak a camera into the club. The next week there was a series on the local news about this shocking revealation of a swing club operating in a downtown building. It was complete with pictures of naked girls on the dance floor. It the background, in soft focus, my wife and I were clearly visible as we danced. I have no idea if anybody we know recognized us, and this many years later, I don't care.

[iapr 24]

Kind of interesting thread but I'm not really sure what you are getting at. Are you wanting people to reevaluate their hobby choices and get out of the lifestyle if they don't accept the risks? Are you wanting part timers to wuss out and hit the road?

 

I think everyone HAS thought of those risks as well as countless others ie pregnancy, jealousy, affairs etc etc. Life is not without risk. The riskiest thing you ever do during a course of the day is drive to work or to the grocery store and then drive home again. So take up golf? No there are risks there too. As an emergency responder for over 20 years I have been to many golf courses for people beaned in the head by clubs and balls as well as heart attacks, strokes and people running over their buddies with the cart.

If you feel it's safer to just sit on the couch there are risks there too such as deep vien thrombosis and heart disease from inactivity.

 

My other hobbies over the years have been rockclimbing, skydiving, scuba diving, hunting, fishing etc etc. So I think my risks as a part time swinger are no greater and no less than other things I could be doing. I would even venture a guess that more people die fishing every year from falling off of boats to heart attacks than the number of hetero sexual swingers that have ever died from AIDS or hepatitis.

 

I'm not saying that concern over STDs is not legitimate because it most certainly is but I am saying that risk is a fact of life that we cannot eliminate. We can however manage and mitigate it. The most deadly thing you can do is get into a car and go somewhere but we still drive everywhere we go. We all know the risks and we manage it. We follow the rules of the road, we wear our seat belts and we try and pay attention to our surroundings and over time if we are vigilant we reduce our chances of tragedy. Now does that mean that if we do everything right that we are always going to walk away without a scratch? No way, at any given moment so drunk can come out of nowhere and wipe us off the face of the earth.

 

I don't see swinging as being any different than that. If we pay attention, follow the rules and use what ever safety systems that are available to us we can reduce, manage and mitigate the risks but we will never eliminate them.

 

That is all part of informed consent.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Life is a fatal disease. My father was a doctor and he always said that the saddest thing for him was watching an older person dying. They never talk about the things they did, they talk about the things that they didn’t do and now wish that they had. He always said to, “try anything once, twice if it was good, three times if it was real good!”

 

The risk factors mentioned are valid, but like others have said, life is all about risks and rewards. The rewards we get from swinging greatly overcome any risks.

[drziggy 89]

Many of you are swingers by hobby. Not as your lifestyle.

 

Is a hobby really worth the rewards that you perceive to receive?

 

There are two main factors that could change your life forever.

 

1. Catching something that could kill you and your spouse!

 

The chances of catching something are slim but it can happen. We have been in this Lifestyle as full on swingers for about thirty years. I can count the number of times we have used condoms on one hand and we have never caught anything at all. Many of you are going to go nuts about the fact that we are not protecting our self the way you feel we should but that is our choice. Does not mean it won’t happen someday. This is our lifestyle, not a hobby with us and we lead it the way we want to lead it. The way that works for us and the people we are involved with.

 

Interesting point. However, anyone involved in non-protected sex has a higher change of catching some disease. Protection is indeed a personal choice although I would suggest that unless you are VERY sure of the health status of your partners unsafe sex always carries a risk....you have been lucky overall....[/I]

 

Condoms are not going to always protect you.

Here I must strongly disagree with you. Condoms are 98% effective against ALL forms of venereal (STD) disease. Actually, they're safer than the pill with regards to conception protection. There has been an attempt to discredit condom use as "unsafe" but that is only propaganda by those that are bent on disrupting, or discourage what they perceive as "promiscuous" behavior....

 

You can exchange partners one time and end up with a lifelong disease that cannot be cured or even worse, it could kill you.

 

Unprotected sex will up your probability of catching something nasty....however, regular check ups will insure continuous sexual health. I suggest that 3 month check ups would be a good measure...

 

 

2. You are going to be found out.

 

Anyone that has spent many years in this Lifestyle is found out. You can hide behind blurred pictures, block free members on web sites, only go to clubs hundreds of miles from your home but someday, someone you know is going to see you. They may or may not out you. Depends on why they are looking in the first place.

 

Members of the press are PAID members on many of the bigger Swingers Web sites. Don’t kid yourself; they will pay the fee to be there. Many of them are swingers and some of them keep memberships up looking for good stories to write. I know, I have met some of them over the years. There is also many members of the press that show up for Meet and greets, go to conventions and to parties all over the country.

Valid point. However, because we live in a "social" context there will always be media interest in what is perceived at times as "naughty" or "deviant" behaviour.

As you, I have met some of those people over the years, some of them famous public media people. However, I would suggest that overall the media, although ready to look for the "headline" that will bring ratings, has been very subdued when it comes to swinging and swingers.

 

There are companies out there that employers hire to find out about people on the Internet. These companies are paid members of most all major Swingers Web Sites. I know about these because companies I deal with have used them to find out about their own employees.

 

Ah! such and American tradition....the land of the free perhaps isn't so much into personal freedom after all. I agree that some companies may indeed "snoop" into their employees private lives, but that seems to be the exception not the rule. I have met such "spies" as well....interesting lot.

 

There are also people in this lifestyle that get pissed off and start trouble. You never know who they might be. You party with them this weekend, don’t want to party with them next weekend and the next thing you know your picture and story is posted on some web site on the World Wide Web! It happens.

 

I agree that it can happen, I'll even go a step further and say that as happen to people we know. However, once again, that is the exception, not the rule.

 

What is going to happen to your job, your kids and parents when the world finds out that you are exchanging partners for sex once in awhile? Is the little league going to kick you and your kid out of the game? Is this something you are prepared to deal with? Can you stand up for what you believe in or is this something you just hope does not ever happen to you?

That is a good question, Only the individual can answer that. I have never known anyone whose life has been ruined because of swinging albeit I'm sure that it can happen....

 

I bring this up because this “Lifestyle” has changed so much over the years. Society is not going to accept that fact that we have sex with other people for the fun of it and that it is not damaging our relationships. We can hope for them to accept us but it just is not going to happen.

Here, I must disagree with you. There is a new ethos or a new paradigm if you like taking place in society. Swinging has become mainstream, not merely a passing fad that is the domain of a very small, deviant group of the general population. Swinging has permeated every strata of society and has become more common place that what we think. As a researcher in this area I have a strong understanding of all aspects of swinging, especially as it applies to the social context and behaviour demographics.

Many people come here and look into this lifestyle for a new thrill, a new hobby. Golf just is not doing it for them anymore and they are looking for something else.

 

Perhaps so, but those looking for a hobby usually "fall out" of swinging quite quickly...and perhaps go back to golf...

 

Many feel they must stay in the closet to keep the world for attacking them or having to deal with the consequences of what will happen to their life when it comes out they are having sex with many other people other than their spouse.

 

I'll agree with the "closet" concept. I coined a phrase long ago that reflected the status of swingers the. "Homosexual have come of the closet but swingers still go to that attic to play and are careful that no one has seen them climb the stairs.."

I think that this has changed....

 

I know, your sex life is no one’s business but your own but you have made it others business as soon as you contact anyone on a web site or step foot into a Swingers club. You are opening the door for someone to put your picture on T.V. or the front page of a news paper. Sex stories sell and make for good news in today’s world.

 

Sex stories do sell TV advertising and bring about ratings. ALL sex stories do, not just those related to swinging. I asked recently to be on the Dr. Phil's show as a consultant/expert on swinging. I refused. I was not prepared to participate in a show whose sole purpose was to "demonize" or "pathologize" swinging. However, there have been some very good shows that have shown the positive side of swinging.

I feel that your comment above reflects a certain sense of paranoia even it you live the Lifestyle.../I]

 

We are the proud parents of six kids, eight grandkids and we have never been in the closet and it has not affected out family or our jobs when we had them. Why, because we have always been open and honest about our LIFESTYLE and not treated this as a part time hobby. We have nothing to hide so no one can use it against us.

 

I applaud you in your forthrightness. To live what you believe is honest and right.

 

You have to do what works for you. I am not saying our Lifestyle if for everyone just as swinging is not for most.

I must state that the comments I made herein are mere responses to the points you have raised. Overall, you have made some valid points which opens up discussion. We need more discussion with regards to this topic and forum.

Thanks for reading my comments.

Cheers!

You need to really think, is this part time hobby of yours worth the risks involved in it?

Cheers!

[cuzzeyesaidso 31]

We have recently changed our pics on our SLS profile to show only body shots for the public. I'm waiting for a response from the webmasters of the site to change our screen name to something else also. A friend of ours just went through an "outing" to her family due to some drama with her abusive ex-boyfriend.

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

We appreciate the way Lee makes the distinction between swinging as a hobby and swinging as a lifestyle. It's a lifestyle for us, and an extremely enjoyable one at that. We can't imagine life as vanillas, so we accept all of the risks associated with our lifestyle.

 

Quite a few "hobbyists" are so paranoid about the risks that we wonder why they tried to dabble in swinging to begin with. Regarding risk #1, if we ever fall victim to that risk, our reaction would be one of sorrow over giving up the lifestyle, rather than regret over deciding to pursue this lifeatyle.

[Charger500 30]

I guess so

 

[nicerrtxcple 13]

after being in the lifestyle for just a little time now, i do think it's worth the risk.

[tribbles 490]

It's worth it. It's more fun than sky diving

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

OK, it's time for us to define "hobby" and "lifestyle". An antonym for hobby is job. I would dare say that very few of us are actually engaged in swinging as a job. I have never been happy, in fact, with using the word "lifestyle" to describe swinging or the use of the word "swing" as a modifier for the word lifestyle. A person can farm as a way of life (lifestyle) but swinging is a something more like a preferred activity than it is a way of living.

 

Feeling philosophical,

 

Michael

 

post script: Whether hobby, serious amateur, professional or way-of-life, JoAnn and I consider this activity to be worth the risk.

[Pierced-n-Proud 16]

G'day All,

There are risks in everything we do. My other "hobby" is racing cars. When I race I use as much protection as I can. Roll-cage, helmet, fireproof suit, safety harness & fireproof balaclave & gloves & shoes. The results of getting racing wrong can be fairly dramatic and swft. When I swing I use as much protection as I can - condoms. The object of the exercise, as I see it, is to risk manage the situation. We all do this in some degree even when selecting playmates. The protection used by a race car driver is bloody hot and uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as meeting a concrete wall at 220 KPH with out it. Same for condoms, a minor discomfort for what protection is available. If we want to be 100% safe abstainance is the only alternative but it's the excitement and the euphoria that you made it out alive that makes life worth living. And let's face it abstainance is pretty boring.

 

As for being found out...our children know (21 & 24) and about 80% of our vanilla friends know, and I think the other 20% suspect so it won't be too much of a surprise. As for employers, it's none of their business but then we're back to the "made it out alive" thing again aren't we? Is it worth the risks...YES it's the risks that make it fun!

 

ps gr8 thread and views guys!

 

Cheers,

Eric

[bbarnsworth 2,636]

Yes, it's worth the risks to us. Yes, there are risks. Lots of people have noted engaging in other dangerous activities. We do too. I have one in particular that is a heck of a lot of fun and could result in my death should I not take appropriate precautions (and even then it can). It's a voluntary activity.

 

I don't think it's fair to compare risks of swinging to driving. You don't have to swing, but most of us have to drive.

 

Early on in swinging, my wife and I discussed how long we would swing. I envisioned swinging for years and years, for as long as it was fun, exciting, and rewarding for us. She wasn't so sure. We discussed what happens if we have a neutral or bad experience. We agreed that we shouldn't let one or more bad or neutral experiences determine our view of swinging for us. Especially if we had neutral experiences, we would keep at it for a while unless it became apparent it was all neutral (or worse).

 

After a few neutrals, we had a phenomenal experience swinging one evening, and we've powered on into the future, at a much higher frequency than either of us thought we'd do.

 

We're having a tremendous amount of fun. Yes, there are risks. But, swinging is very rewarding for us and we accept the risks for the reward. That's no different than many other voluntary things we engage in.

 

Life is finite. You only get one of them. There are risks literally every day of your life. You can live in fear of the world, or you can embrace it. If you live in fear of it, you waste your life.