Do you ever feel like the chance for rejection isn't worth it?

[safireblues 106]

I've been struggling with some self esteem issues that have nothing to do with swinging, but because of feeling that way, I have pulled back on talking to/meeting people. I feel somewhat vulnerable, like I cannot shake off rejection.

 

My husband didn't know I was feeling as low as I have been, and he was putting up ads and stuff, looking for a woman for me. It was mostly just goofing around, but he wound up chatting with an attractive female...

 

she and I emailed back and forth, talked a few times on the phone, and I was feeling better about things, at least enough to meet her for drinks. She came with her guy, I was with mine, we had decided on just drinks as we all had to get up early. I thought things went well...I sent an email and a text to say "thanks for a nice night, maybe we can do it again..." and then...nothing...no word, no return email, nada.

 

It's only been 3 days or so, but it has me feeling that rejection feeling I didn't feel prepared for....

 

I wonder if putting myself out there is even worth it.

 

Ever feel that way?

[LFM2 1,482]

I think there are times that we all seem to fall into a funk that we have a hard time getting out of. I know I've been known to do that. I'm sorry that you're having self-esteem issues now. Is this something that you can talk to your husband about? Do you have a friend that you vent some feelings with?

 

I know, especially with me and my hectic life, it would probably take me more than three days to answer an email. I don't mean for it to be such a wait, but sometimes my busy schedule takes over and I don't have time even for my family. Doesn't that just sound sad?

 

Give her some time to answer. She may just be busy and can't quite get away yet. I know it's hard to wait, and I don't like waiting, either. I've never been a very patient person. I guess what I would do is call her and talk to her.

 

One important thing to remember is to keep this all in perspective. Maybe it would even be best to talk things out before wanting to encounter any more singles for the time being. Best of luck to you.

[safireblues 106]

Yeah, normally I wouldn't think 3 days was that long with an email...it really isn't the wait so much as that I don't feel able to handle the possibility that someone could do the big scary blow off. Like I'm not in a place to handle it, I guess...

[BiloxiCouple 695]

E-mail doesn't mean instant reply or remembering to reply if busy. It's not the phone. And I even screen that now.

 

Give them a week or so. Send the same basic e-mail just in case they forgot or lost the original one and let it go at that. No sense getting worked up about a "first date" for just drinks. Plenty of other fish.

[sweet_tna 680]

Sorry to hear you're not feeling so confident right now. We all go through those phases(at least, I do) and it makes it tougher than usual to deal with rejection. I don't think that three days is necessarily a blowoff/rejection, though. People get busy and/or forget.

 

That said, even if it does turn out to be a, "no thanks", there ARE others out there that are way more deserving of your time and attention.

 

=)

[Spoomonkey 421]

I am going to go against the flow here and say that after a meeting of dinner and drinks you should probably expect something within three days time. I am usually in the crowd who says that people get busy - but a meet is a whole other animal. I think we all expect for them to go thusly:

 

1. Meet

2. Leave as a couple and discuss your impressions

3. Email rather quickly, either excitedly or with a "sorry, but we aren't right" message

 

I know for us, as soon as we leave a restaurant, we are discussing the "next step" - and as a courtesy we write a quick email the minute we get home. Maybe we are weird, but we think a couple needs to know that we either are or are not into them.

 

Granted - if you write us typically we can take forever to get back to you. But a meet for drinks and/or dinner isn't "typical". In "swing-dom" that is basically a gauge of sexual chemistry. Of course you are going to expect (and rightly so) some sort of feed back.

 

Three days is a little on the long side...

 

But - as the others have said - there are other fish in the sea. And, who knows, this could just be a socially backwards couple who just don't realize that maybe they have some responsibility to respond. You could hear from them in a week - or a month... I'd just move on and let things either happen with them - or not.

 

But - seriously - don't let this experience ruin your future experiences! There are good ones out there!

 

We all get rejected - and no one is everyone's cup of tea.

 

I am very sorry this has you down. One of the great things about swinging (that I've observed) is actually how good about themselves it makes most women feel. You deserve to feel that way! So hang in there until you do!

 

Spoomonkey

[iapr 24]

Not hearing from someone in three days is not rejection. Depending on the situation it may be laziness, rudeness or just a different idea of how timelines should go but it is not rejection.

 

We have had full-bore sex with people who were jumping up and down saying lets get together again soon and then we never hear from them again and we have done the same with them. It's not that we were rejecting them and the "lets get together soon" was sincere at the time but then once the glow of excitement and hormones died down then real life set back in and we were back to paying bills and shuttling kids off to school and getting the car into the shop to get the funny noise checked out.

 

You are in a slump we all get into periodically and if you are having some self esteem issues then you are seeing rejection around every corner. If you are feeling down about yourself that is the issue that needs the attention not the perceived rejections. When you have self-esteem issues then every time you encounter another person you think rejection even if it has nothing to do with the situation taking place.

[safireblues 106]

Well, it's now been...well, since Friday. I left one more message (it was an accident, actually, my phone got tossed around in my bag and dialed the last "missed call" which was her on friday)...as soon as I realized it I was like "oh good, now I'm a stalker." I called and left a message saying "sorry for the weird call from inside my bag."

 

Nothing back.

 

I guess I just didn't expect a female to do a blow off. She seemed kind, pulled together, well-educated, but I absolutely think she has blown me off. I keep replaying the whole date in my mind, trying to figure out if I said something offensive, or maybe she just wasn't into us. Even still, I would never do a full fledged blow off of someone. I might write them and say we weren't in a great place, yadda yadda, let them down easy, but I would NEVER not return a call.

 

It feels like a bummer because I really thought she was very cool beyond anything physical, and I did not expect this at all...

 

Either way, I've decided to step back from all extra-curriculars for a good while until I'm feeling more confident. This situation has really shaken me, it's sad.

[varangian 1]

It feels like a bummer because I really thought she was very cool beyond anything physical, and I did not expect this at all...

 

Either way, I've decided to step back from all extra-curriculars for a good while until I'm feeling more confident. This situation has really shaken me, it's sad.

 

How strange that you should want to swing if you can´t take rejection. Of course, rejection always hurts a little, but nobody can appeal to everybody so these things happen. But as we all know: one negative usually weighs more that nine positives. For every one woman rejecting you probably nine will be eager to be with you - but that doesn´t count, does it? V

[Tybee Swing 286]

I've been struggling with some self esteem issues that have nothing to do with swinging, but because of feeling that way, I have pulled back on talking to/meeting people. I feel somewhat vulnerable....

...I wonder if putting myself out there is even worth it.

 

...Ever feel that way?

 

Hi safireblues,

 

I know what you mean. None of us is at the top of our game at all times. Sometimes we aren't feeling so great about ourselves, for whatever reason.

 

If I'm going through something or feeling vulnerable and not up for even the potential for rejection or drama, or expending the time/energy it takes to chat, meet people and make swinging decisions, I feel like stepping back, too. I'm all for taking breaks if you're just not into it, or only semi into it, for any reason, including your reason.

 

Some pointed out that swinging is a boon for a woman's self-esteem. I agree and I get what they're saying, but at the same time, swinging can also feel like pressure and can actually wear on our self-esteem. We know we need to "measure up" and that every time we meet with people, we're being sized up. Decisions are going to be made as to whether we're worthy or unworthy; interesting or not; sexy or not. I think there's more of a burden on the woman in swinging to be the "bait" for the couple. This is why men often wear nondescript "casual Friday" work clothes to clubs and dates, and women feel they need to really stand out and go the extra mile (slut wear, etc). Bottom line, we are being judged. If our self-esteem is even a little off, that can wear on us.

 

Is that how you're feeling about it?

 

Did you talk to your hubby yet? Is the reason for your self-esteem issue something that can be changed, like something temporary? I hope it changes for you soon.

 

About that woman not returning your call: I believe that often, the reason couples don't get back to people is because one or both of them have their own personal fears/issues that keep them from going through with it. Common reasons are that at least one just isn't quite ready and is possibly scared. Maybe somebody felt intimidated if you (or your hubby) seemed smarter, sexier, more virile, or any number of other things that they feel they're not. In other words, a lot of people don't follow through because of their issues about themselves, or fears/insecurities they have, and it's got nothing to do with you. They will never tell you this, either. They'd rather just disappear than to have to explain that.

 

Hugs!

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Wow safireblues, I wouldn't have thought this post from you. You seem so confident, but we all have our insecurities sometimes.

 

We hope this is just a snag or a small setback.

 

Honestly if all was well, and I would think a date would be cool with you guys. We would just hope (they) were O.k..... We are just like that.

 

I think EvilMJ put it once while we were down, that sometimes in the swinging world it makes us a little more thick skinned.

 

Hang in there and make another date.

[safireblues 106]

Tybee described the feeling perfectly, better than I could. Yes, I'm confident in myself, my mind, my abilities, my relationship. I'm not always 100% on ME (in terms of the physical), and it seems that during those times, that the rejections that are a natural part of this "lifestyle", and the need to feel like pretty bait...it's just not the healthiest thing.

 

I also feel this pervasive emptiness in it all, sometimes. Like people are looking for the attention boost or to play some sort of attraction game, and I'm on the wrong end of it.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I am going to go against the flow here and say that after a meeting of dinner and drinks you should probably expect something within three days time. I am usually in the crowd who says that people get busy - but a meet is a whole other animal. I think we all expect for them to go thusly:

 

1. Meet

2. Leave as a couple and discuss your impressions

3. Email rather quickly, either excitedly or with a "sorry, but we aren't right" message

 

 

I have to agree with Spoo for the most part. I will say I'm not quite as polite as he is and it's usually late the next day when I'm reminding myself that I need to email someone (assuming they haven't already emailed me first by that time). However, if I'm not remotely interested in seeing them again, I can't guarantee that I'm going to send out a "not interested" message...unless they contact me in which case I would at least be polite enough to reply.

[twoingeorgia 16]

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way but I think as everyone has mentioned, we all go through this, not just in swinging, but in general, but it doesn't make it any easier knowing you're not the only one. I hope you start to feel better soon! (((hugs)))

 

I have a question, what has there level of experience been in swinging? Are they first timers or have they been involved in the lifestyle?

 

 

Dory

[socolais 696]

Every cloud has a silver lining - the rejection (or its appearance) is the big old cumulus monster that gets all the attention. The good news is finding out that it's not such a good match BEFORE there's a bigger investment in time and effort. I really don't want to play with anyone that doesn't want to play with me.

 

The fact that they haven't contacted you means that the "want to" is not there at this time and for whatever reason. If their "want to" changes and they contact you sometime in the future, the option to go further becomes yours. Otherwise, keep on being sexy and watch for fresh opportunities.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Maybe it's not so much rejection as maybe not being compatible. Then they don't want to mess with saying "Thanks, but no thanks". A 1,000 different reasons. None of them right or wrong.

 

So let's go fishing and see what bites.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Tybee described the feeling perfectly, better than I could. Yes, I'm confident in myself, my mind, my abilities, my relationship. I'm not always 100% on ME (in terms of the physical), and it seems that during those times, that the rejections that are a natural part of this "lifestyle", and the need to feel like pretty bait...it's just not the healthiest thing.

 

I also feel this pervasive emptiness in it all, sometimes. Like people are looking for the attention boost or to play some sort of attraction game, and I'm on the wrong end of it.

 

Safire, it sounds like you're ready for a break to regroup and refresh yourself (especially because of the "pervasive emptiness" feeling.) Like I said before, there is nothing wrong with breaks, and they can be really healthy and have you returning later, stronger than ever.

 

When I take a break, it's a relief. It's a vacation from having to look at & screen ads and emails, planning valuable time around meeting strangers, etc. It seems we're always having to stroke people's egos, worry about their feelings, etc. Sometimes it's nice to just put that all away for a time and get back to "life" for awhile. To focus on yourself, your spouse, some of your own personal goals and activities that have been on the back burner because you've had no time for them.

 

Some people feel healthier and happier about swinging when it's cyclical for them. In it for awhile, then on break for awhile until they feel recharged and really want to get back in. I'm one of the cyclical people! We're on a break right now, and enjoying it. We're very much looking forward to when we get back (and we talk about it), but we're focusing on some of our own stuff right now, and it's been great for us. Swinging is a drain on the valuable resources of time, money, focus and energy. Every now and then, we want to spend that time, money, focus and energy on ourselves and each other.

 

Here's what we're up to right now: I had to have female surgery over a year ago. Since then (surgically induced menopause), some weight has crept up on me. I couldn't go to the gym for a few months, and then with that kind of surgery, it just makes it a lot more challenging to keep weight off. Mr. Tybee stopped going to the gym and I guess he gained "sympathy weight". (We always do best when we are each other's coaches and cheerleaders.) During this time, which was stressful on it's own, we were still "dating" and expending all that energy on others (keeping up with people, stroking egos, spending money, weekends revolving around that). It was really wearing on me. Also, we weren't feeling so great about ourselves. Since the holidays, we are really focused. We are back in the gym, focusing lots of positive energy on our health & fitness daily, and instead of focusing weekends on others, we often have what I call "Warrior Weekends", kind of our own personal boot camp. It's fun! We are feeling really rejuvenated. We're making serious progress, which is a real boost to the self-esteem and results in bringing back our inner hottie factor.

 

I didn't mean to get off on a tangent about us, but I thought it was a good example about how a break can be a very positive thing for people.

 

Whatever you do, I hope you get to feeling better about everything!

[SnakeBabe 51]

...

We all get rejected - and no one is everyone's cup of tea.

that's what I was thinking.

Rejection has never bothered me. I know I have rejected guys just because they are not my type. That does not make them undesirable, just not my type. When I get rejected I think the same thing, I am just not their type. It’s no big deal.

My self esteem or confidence or whatever is only affected by my husband’s desire for me, not some stranger.

 

Hugs and Hissessss,

Maria

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

...I've decided to step back from all extra-curriculars for a good while until I'm feeling more confident. This situation has really shaken me, it's sad.

The fact that this lady is not returning your messages is not a reflection on you. We realize that our advice won't make you feel instantly better, but you need avoid taking things so personally when it comes to the screening process in this lifestyle. Most of the people you meet will not be a good match, whether it be you for them or them for you. Furthermore, as rude as it may seem to you, many people find it easier to ignore messages than to give a simple, "no, thanks."

[safireblues 106]

The fact that this lady is not returning your messages is not a reflection on you. We realize that our advice won't make you feel instantly better, but you need avoid taking things so personally when it comes to the screening process in this lifestyle. Most of the people you meet will not be a good match, whether it be you for them or them for you. Furthermore, as rude as it may seem to you, many people find it easier to ignore messages than to give a simple, "no, thanks."

 

It's funny because I don't take it personal when it comes to men, and I rarely care that much. It just felt very different, we had this email exchange of a mental attraction, talking about art, our work, our passions. The perspective was one of "hey, if the physical doesn't work out, let's be friends"...I said that about 80 times before meeting.

 

If it was 2 emails to say hi, then a meet and nothing, I wouldn't be surprised. It was partly of it being a female, one who really seemed to "reach out" to me, and then me feeling like a tard trying to salvage some sort of positive out of it.

 

It was not my typical swinger dating experience.

 

nevertheless, I do think that what Tybee said is perfect--this incident was just illustrating a larger issue that I am feeling a need to care for myself and feel self protective, and I don't have the mental or emotional energy for the outside stuff.

 

Thank you so much Tybee, your advice (and your personal experience) was just what I needed to hear.

 

(((hugs!)))

[Tybee Swing 286]

Thank you so much Tybee, your advice (and your personal experience) was just what I needed to hear.

 

(((hugs!)))

 

You're welcome, sweetie!

[BigirlandHubby 30]

I have been on this board for about a week now (Hubby found it for us, bless his amazing heart!) and I must say how wonderful the advice from Tybee is... you are simply AMAZING and full of wonderful wisdom! She even directed me to this thread from the thread that Hubby started regarding us, and I, again, thank you Tybee... it was, indeed, very helpful.

 

I wanted to make one comment about the rejection issue... I have found that Hubby seems to deal with this much differently from me. When he was "driving" and doing the writing & planning, I felt we were headed in a direction toward people that I was not interested in... not that he would intentionally do something that I didn't want to do... but he would have a problem if someone wrote to us and they talked back & forth... then I would check in on things and say "yeah, they don't do it for me" or "no, I am not interested in them, honey" (I mean that is why people post pictures, eh?) and he'd say "but... they seem cool and I have been talking to them... let's just go meet them and have drinks and see how they are in person" and for me... I'd rather not get someone's hopes up and have the expense of dinners & drinks if there is no physical attraction... or the physical attraction isn't feeling right to me. To me, it is so much easier to "reject" someone before meeting them... and at that, I don't even think of it as "rejection"... it is just not the right fit, for whatever reason... it's nice to talk to people, but what I keep telling Hubby is that just by "talking" to them doesn't obligate us to anything in anyway. Hubby and I spoke about it, and he understands and agrees with me, and now that I am "driving"... I find it is working really well and he is so supportive and amazing (as he always is !!!)

 

I hope I don't come off sounding insensitive... and I have self-esteem issues too... so rejection to me is hard to take (my rejection experiences have been limp noodle men... in the heat of the moment... that has been the most difficult stuff to deal with and in this board I have found I am not alone in that and that the penis can be a tricky "mind of it's own" sorta guy!)

 

I am so sorry for the people who just blew you off... and I agree with Tybee that it was on THEM, not YOU. Maybe you guys are intimidating in a good way --- too hot, too smart, you know! It is sad, but it is better to have dinner with someone and find out it isn't working out rather than get in the heat of the moment and have drama insue... people freaking out and not being able to handle things... we've seen that first hand from a man who got upset in bed once because my Hubby was getting his wife off better than he could... the guy freaked and caused quite a scene saying to his wife "you like HIM better than ME, don't you". We all heard it, it was SO wrong, and it ruined everything. THOSE people should not be doing this... so just consider yourselves lucky to break free when you did... no harm, no foul... they should have given you an explanation, but maybe it was too difficult for them. You will always wonder... but just know that it could be worse, ya know.

 

Big kisses

Bi-girl

[Tybee Swing 286]

... but he would have a problem if someone wrote to us and they talked back & forth... then I would check in on things and say "yeah, they don't do it for me" or "no, I am not interested in them, honey" (I mean that is why people post pictures, eh?) and he'd say "but... they seem cool and I have been talking to them... let's just go meet them and have drinks and see how they are in person" and for me... I'd rather not get someone's hopes up and have the expense of dinners & drinks if there is no physical attraction... or the physical attraction isn't feeling right to me. To me, it is so much easier to "reject" someone before meeting them... and at that, I don't even think of it as "rejection"... it is just not the right fit, for whatever reason... it's nice to talk to people, but what I keep telling Hubby is that just by "talking" to them doesn't obligate us to anything in anyway. Hubby and I spoke about it, and he understands and agrees with me...

 

Yeah, it's just a screening process. At any point in the process of seeing the profile, exchanging pictures, preliminary chatting and learning more about them, you get more of a vibe one way or the other if you're really interested or not. The more you do this, the more you trust your instincts. When you know you're not interested, you just know, and there's no point in making a big date out of it.

[pervgeeks 119]

I've been struggling with some self esteem issues that have nothing to do with swinging, but because of feeling that way, I have pulled back on talking to/meeting people. I feel somewhat vulnerable, like I cannot shake off rejection.

 

My husband didn't know I was feeling as low as I have been, and he was putting up ads and stuff, looking for a woman for me. It was mostly just goofing around, but he wound up chatting with an attractive female...

 

she and I emailed back and forth, talked a few times on the phone, and I was feeling better about things, at least enough to meet her for drinks. She came with her guy, I was with mine, we had decided on just drinks as we all had to get up early. I thought things went well...I sent an email and a text to say "thanks for a nice night, maybe we can do it again..." and then...nothing...no word, no return email, nada.

 

It's only been 3 days or so, but it has me feeling that rejection feeling I didn't feel prepared for....

 

I wonder if putting myself out there is even worth it.

 

Ever feel that way?

 

Sometimes you play with a couple and don't get together for months after. It's often nothing more than time and the desire for variety. Sometimes in the hook-up, the other couple may not click as much as you did. That happens. However, there are so many people and so many opportunities and life is too short to get down on yourself.

 

I don't expect the we'd be every couple's cup of tea. We just try to enjoy the ones we do fit with.

[SCcpl40 74]

Never. It's for sure those that try and fail may have a low percentage of a win/win, but those that don't will always be zero. Never up never in.

[Tia Vampire 167]

Don't let the rejections get you down. Like many have said here, you may not have been what they were looking for. It has happened to us a few times also. This one couple contacted us first, hours before the meet up, they wrote and said that they did not think that we were a good match. No biggie!, but why wait until the last minute after so many chats on line. We seen them at a house party and I guess they felt they owed us an explanation. The woman said to me that she was bi and looking for another bi female. She thought that she read in my profile that I was bi. I explained to her that she may have read that I didn't mind pleasing another woman with a sex toy or we could use them on each other, but that is as far as I would go with a woman. She wanted more and was correct in her thinking that we were not a good match.

 

So be greatful that you were rejected by this couple. You may have gotten yourself into something that you may have not liked or made you feel uncomfortable. Fruit for thought.

[Dagney 78]

It's funny because I don't take it personal when it comes to men, and I rarely care that much. It just felt very different, we had this email exchange of a mental attraction, talking about art, our work, our passions. The perspective was one of "hey, if the physical doesn't work out, let's be friends"...I said that about 80 times before meeting.

 

If it was 2 emails to say hi, then a meet and nothing, I wouldn't be surprised. It was partly of it being a female, one who really seemed to "reach out" to me, and then me feeling like a tard trying to salvage some sort of positive out of it.

 

It was not my typical swinger dating experience. snip

 

I think I know how you are feeling. There was one couple in our past and I felt like she and I were such soul sisters. We met them a few times but never did hook up, and then they just disappeared. I guess it just never clicked between all four of us. I totally understand that as just a part of the lifestyle, nothing to be taken personally. However, the fact that she just disappeared (stopped responding to my e-mails, was never on Y-Messenger anymore or was invisible to me, etc.) when I felt we had this friendship connection really hurt. I wish we could have stayed friends, even if we were just vanilla friends. It's one thing if someone you've just met doesn't reply to you, and quite another when someone you consider a friend doesn't. It hurts - but you have to realize that it isn't YOU, it's her. Their could be so many reasons that she cut you off, you shouldn't take it personally. Odds are that it has nothing to do with you.

[MrSunLover 15]

I've been struggling with some self esteem issues that have nothing to do with swinging, but because of feeling that way, I have pulled back on talking to/meeting people. I feel somewhat vulnerable, like I cannot shake off rejection.

 

My husband didn't know I was feeling as low as I have been, and he was putting up ads and stuff, looking for a woman for me. It was mostly just goofing around, but he wound up chatting with an attractive female...

 

she and I emailed back and forth, talked a few times on the phone, and I was feeling better about things, at least enough to meet her for drinks. She came with her guy, I was with mine, we had decided on just drinks as we all had to get up early. I thought things went well...I sent an email and a text to say "thanks for a nice night, maybe we can do it again..." and then...nothing...no word, no return email, nada.

 

It's only been 3 days or so, but it has me feeling that rejection feeling I didn't feel prepared for....

 

I wonder if putting myself out there is even worth it.

 

Ever feel that way?

Do not feel you're alone in this feeling of rejection. Unless you're a Ms. Quazimodo, it is most likely nothing wrong with you. At the grocery store, all of the vegatables are vying for your attention. Some of them will not be bought by customers. Customers are a choosy lot. So what if they don't pick you? There are other customers out there that will choose you next time. Not all the fish in the sea will bite your bate. Believe me...this is true. You've got to cast your line and try again. Maybe there's a big un out there.

[Additude 457]

Wow,

 

So now it's been like 2 weeks and I assume you've heard nothing. Everybody has different ways of dealing with different stuff and that's why you shouldn't let this bother you as much as it apparently does.

 

You have no knowledge of why there wasn't a responce back from them/her. All your feelings right now are based soley on assumptions, you have no facts.

 

You do not know if they are in-capicated by an auto accident, out of town because of a death in the family or maybe they are just players (like endless email people, but maybe they like the excitement of a meeting and potential sexual encounter) or if them/her ignoring you and not responding is just their "Modus Operendus" and that's the kind of people they really are....and that's not your fault. It could be a hundred things.

 

If they had responded with, "We/I decided we were not interested", then you'd have a fact, you'd know what it was.

 

Make a decision to give yourself the benefit of the doubt. You sound like a very attractive, outgoing and personable lady. Give yourself everything your worth.

[lustylearning 705]

I've been struggling with some self esteem issues that have nothing to do with swinging, but because of feeling that way, I have pulled back on talking to/meeting people. I feel somewhat vulnerable, like I cannot shake off rejection.

 

My husband didn't know I was feeling as low as I have been, and he was putting up ads and stuff, looking for a woman for me. It was mostly just goofing around, but he wound up chatting with an attractive female...

 

she and I emailed back and forth, talked a few times on the phone, and I was feeling better about things, at least enough to meet her for drinks. She came with her guy, I was with mine, we had decided on just drinks as we all had to get up early. I thought things went well...I sent an email and a text to say "thanks for a nice night, maybe we can do it again..." and then...nothing...no word, no return email, nada.

 

It's only been 3 days or so, but it has me feeling that rejection feeling I didn't feel prepared for....

 

I wonder if putting myself out there is even worth it.

 

Ever feel that way?

 

Sometimes I feel vulnerable, and on those occasions, I don't put myself out there;) Times like those, you may want to stick with the friends you don't have to totally "wow" each time you meet to still enjoy.

[Fantasy01 11]

We have in the past met a few couples at the resturant but the way we see it its like and business interview, if you will, Ya just never know how it went unless you hear from them in a shor period of time. I know we email them one way or the other.

[safireblues 106]

Update: no, never heard back from her, stopped caring a few days after writing this, although I am DEFINITELY on a big break with the whole concept of being with anyone else.The best part of just being with one person is that they already love you for who you are, you're not auditioning for the role:) When I have someone who loves me so much, why put myself out there when I'm not feeling it...

 

I don't think it really comes down to me feeling rejected for who I am, its more that opening your heart up to people (in friendship or otherwise) makes you vulnerable. Some people in this "lifestyle" are really good at keeping their emotions out of the sex, but I guess that's not how I am. I see everything with my heart. Not romantic love, necessarily, but I feel, I'm an emotional person. Sometimes the 2 are not compatible.

[sweet_tna 680]

Update: no, never heard back from her, stopped caring a few days after writing this, although I am DEFINITELY on a big break with the whole concept of being with anyone else.The best part of just being with one person is that they already love you for who you are, you're not auditioning for the role:) When I have someone who loves me so much, why put myself out there when I'm not feeling it...

 

I don't think it really comes down to me feeling rejected for who I am, its more that opening your heart up to people (in friendship or otherwise) makes you vulnerable. Some people in this "lifestyle" are really good at keeping their emotions out of the sex, but I guess that's not how I am. I see everything with my heart. Not romantic love, necessarily, but I feel, I'm an emotional person. Sometimes the 2 are not compatible.

 

Thanks for the update, Safire. I'd been wondering whether you ever heard anything and how you were doing. I'm glad to know you got over worrying about the rejection. She couldn't have been anyone worth your time if she wasn't going to bother to respond. And you are SO right about taking the time to enjoy your SO and appreciate being loved for who you are.

 

We've been very fortunate thus far to not have the issue of making what we thought was a great connection only to have that person/couple pull a disappearing act. But I know it's common, and has happened to some good friends of ours--it really confused and upset them.

 

It's good that you have a keen sense of who you are, and as long as you're true to yourself, you'll be just fine.

 

Hugs,

 

=)

[safireblues 106]

Thanks Sweet. This was my first time for "the BIG BLOW OFF" (as I like to call it), probably hadn't felt that sting of refreshing an email page 80 times in a good 8 years or so. I had experienced it in dating (and it felt just as awful then, although it was always from men in the past). I always thought we women would have experienced enough of the "sitting by the phone, waiting for a call" ridiculousness that we wouldn't do that to one another.

 

Like you said, though, if this woman is someone so poor at dealing with other humans that she couldn't have come up with one of many ways to let me down easily, then she's not a person worth knowing.

 

It just sucks when people surprise you by being much bigger dicks than you would have anticipated.

[sweet_tna 680]

You're welcome, Safire. And feel free to remind me of my own advice when I post the same concerns about getting blown off someday.

 

=)