How to introduce my wife to swinging

[letsplaymac 15]

Here is alittle about us. I am 45 she 43 we both are very fit. We are empty nesters just resently. We just started going out again really last 20 years or so we been home riasing the family. Now there gone and we are just starting to spread are wings again. We try to find thing to do dinner,movies,dancing. We really like dancing my wife gets a few glasses of wine and she like dancing with other men though she would never admit it. Afterwards she is always very turn on. It turns me on also. Always great sex afterwards. Here is the thing though. She says she is against swinging though I did get her to admit she would like to have 2 guys at once. So i think the thing is she is to shy to say she would like to swing. How do i get her to take that step? I mean to really meet and move to swinging.

[sweet_tna 680]

Welcome, Letsplaymac! There's lots of great information and advice to be found here, and there are several threads under the New to Swinging forum that deal with this very concern.

 

Some of the common refrains you'll find in those threads:

 

1) No means NO. If your wife is genuinely against swinging, there's nothing more you can (or should) do.

2) TALK to her, which you have begun to do, and that's great.

3) There's a big difference between having fantasies, and being ready to bring them to reality.

4) Go at the pace of the slowest runner. If your wife is genuinely interested in swinging, but just too shy, self conscious, unsure, etc. then TALK some more. Find out why she feels this way.

 

Best of luck to ya'll,

 

=)

[newblueyedcpl4u 15]

My advice is to first of all keep up the fantasies. That is how we and probably most of the swingers that practice did it. After a while get her to take a look at some of the web sites like Swinglifestyle, altplayground.com, or better known as apg. Let her read some profiles. Take her to a meet and greet and let her meet some of the members of the club, there is no pressure to do anything other then chat at these events. First of all you need to let her know that these are normal folks that have normal lives, and just like a little more excitement. Some women are reluctant because they fear that it will end your marriage. You have to have a strong marriage or relationship or it just won't work and could cause marital problems. Best advice has already been given by others, go slow, fantasize, tell her stories, get her excited. If she is into adult videos, find some that show swingers, and last but not least, get some books and let her read them on the do.s and don't of swining. It is a learning process but... assure her she can say no at any time. Good luck.

[VegasLee 1,486]

"how to introduce my wife to swinging?"

 

I am willing to bet that question has been asked no less then 200 times in these forums.

 

First thing would be to read many of those threads. There is years of input from 100's of people about that question.

 

Second thing to remember is that Swinging is NOT for everyone. It is not for most. Very few people can really deal with swinging.

 

No always means NO in this lifestyle and that includes NO coming from your wife. You "got" her to admit. If you ask enough times many will "admit" even if they don't mean it or want it to go any further then a fantasy.

 

You have to think what you really want in life. Your wife is important to you. You have to live with what ever she decides.

 

I don't suggest taking her to any profiles or swinging dating sites at all. She has already expressed she is not interested. At most I might at some point suggest she take a lot of time and read this site. Get facts, find out what this Lifestyle is really about then let her decide but in her own time. Chances are her answer will still be No but she will be saying know with more information rather then just what she, and you think this is all about.

 

What outsiders thing this Lifestyle is and what it really is pretty much is two different things. Let her make a educated decision along side of you BOTH learning what this is really about.

 

Good luck to you.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

 

Just wanted to say hello, Its hard to add anything to what was stated above.

 

Why is she against swinging ?

 

Is she against the concept toward herself living or pursuing the idea ?.

 

Would she be willing to just let you hang around the board or other lifestyle web sites for now ?

 

We are empty nester's ourselves and I will have to say its nice to be able to have some freedoms to ourselves. We are not unlike you guys, we like our dates by ourselves now and have a blast while we are out alone, just us.

 

One time I told Mrs.fun about one of my fantasies while we were alone. I asked her how she FELT about (me) having a fantasy like this. I asked her how she felt instead of if she would go along.

 

I hate to sound redundant but sometimes asking... and listening... how someone feels, is just as important as what we would do, or want.

[Ellyanne77 81]

I cannot agree more with VegasLee. My husband and I were BOTH open to the idea of swinging as well as both involved in going online to view the websites and boards.

[letsplaymac 15]

thanks for all the info , incouragement and the warnings i will keep talking and keep up the fantasies thanks again all

[sexcupid 809]

We really like dancing my wife gets a few glasses of wine and she like dancing with other men though she would never admit it. Afterwards she is always very turn on. It turns me on also. Always great sex afterwards. Here is the thing though. She says she is against swinging though I did get her to admit she would like to have 2 guys at once. So i think the thing is she is to shy to say she would like to swing. How do i get her to take that step? I mean to really meet and move to swinging.

 

I'll separate my comments into 2 different things here:

 

1. The dancing, flirting, etc. She likes the attention from the other guys, it probably gives her a rush, and she goes home and shags you silly. Now, my question is, do you dance with her? My sweetie isn't a dancer...I can barely get him to slow dance (and you know, that's not a complicated kind of dancing lol). So is she dancing with other partners because you don't/won't or because she likes to dance more than you and you need to sit down and take a breather every now and then?

 

2. So she admitted a fantasy of having 2 guys at once...that's great. However, just because you would like to have the experience...like a one time only kind of event, just so you can smirk to yourself when you think about it and have the 'been there, done that, got the t-shirt' mindset....does not mean she wants to swing on a full time basis. It may not even mean she wants to have the experience...the fantasy of having it may be enough.

 

Keep talking to her is the only advice I want to give here. The rest is just food for thought.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

So much great advice already in this thread. I'll just make one point. There is huge difference in fantasy and reality. Just because someone has certain fantasies, doesn't mean they want to or intend to make them a reality.

 

As Lee mentioned your question is a common one, you may want to check the Talking to Your Partner About Swinging forum.

[ross_sally 9]

letsplaymac, we are new to this, and I had the same difficult decision.

 

How I am handling it with Sally is ..... we are going to a Swingers Club in 2 weeks for a party, but I told Sally it is just a St Patrick's Day party. It's the ol, throw em into the pool and see what happens method. I'm already working on my very surprised faces . OMG honey ..... do you wanna dance?

 

I'm not saying it will work for everyone. Good Luck and I'll keep you posted. Erin Go Bra

 

EDIT - Just kidding, would never do this

[two4youinswva 3,068]

letsplaymac, we are new to this, and I had the same difficult decision.

 

How I am handling it with Sally is ..... we are going to a Swingers Club in 2 weeks for a party, but I told Sally it is just a St Patrick's Day party. It's the ol, throw em into the pool and see what happens method. I'm already working on my very surprised faces . OMG honey ..... do you wanna dance?

 

I'm not saying it will work for everyone. Good Luck and I'll keep you posted. Erin Go Bra

 

She doesn't know it's a swingers' club?

 

If not, I would seriously reconsider your plan.

[good times 991]

 

letsplaymac, we are new to this, and I had the same difficult decision.

 

How I am handling it with Sally is ..... we are going to a Swingers Club in 2 weeks for a party, but I told Sally it is just a St Patrick's Day party. It's the ol, throw em into the pool and see what happens method. I'm already working on my very surprised faces . OMG honey ..... do you wanna dance?

 

I'm not saying it will work for everyone. Good Luck and I'll keep you posted. Erin Go Bra

She doesn't know it's a swingers' club?

 

If not, I would seriously reconsider your plan.

I agree, we have seen several people try this and it never works out. Keep in mind, the other swingers at the club also don't know you were tricking your wife into going, but they will figure it out right quick. While experienced swingers don't go to clubs with the expectation of having sex with everyone, they do expect that everyone there knows what they are there for. And while faking surprise may, or may not, work on your wife, I can guarantee it won't work on the experienced swingers at the club, we have seen it before.

[letsplaymac 15]

sexcupid yes i do love to dance with my wife i really think there is alittle eye contacted going on before she starts to dance with the other man. she does enjoy it very much

[BigirlandHubby 30]

Ok... dude taking your wife to the swinger club without telling her? Very bad idea. Communication and HONESTY is the most important thing to have with your spouse, and if you are tricking her, then you don't have either one, and this lifestyle is not for you.

 

MOST couples we have met in our 2 years have been couples who the WOMEN first suggested it. I am not saying that's how it is with everyone, but it was definitely that way with us, and it did start with MMF. My wife was crazy about anal and fell in love with 3some porn, and we had a very close (dutch) friend who we always joked around with, one day he said "so are you guys serious about this?" and we ended up having the time of our lives with him.

 

You don't "get" someone to do this, you talk to them, if they say no it's NO. You don't push or convince someone to do this, it has to be something you both want. My wife is very Bi, but goes back and forth about really not wanting to be with other men and wanting them, and my approach is when she is "back" I am back, when she is forth, I am forth.

 

Tricking her, is pretty much the worst idea I have ever heard.

[pervgeeks 119]

Ok... dude taking your wife to the swinger club without telling her? Very bad idea. Communication and HONESTY is the most important thing to have with your spouse, and if you are tricking her, then you don't have either one, and this lifestyle is not for you.

 

MOST couples we have met in our 2 years have been couples who the WOMEN first suggested it. I am not saying that's how it is with everyone, but it was definitely that way with us, and it did start with MMF. My wife was crazy about anal and fell in love with 3some porn, and we had a very close (dutch) friend who we always joked around with, one day he said "so are you guys serious about this?" and we ended up having the time of our lives with him.

 

You don't "get" someone to do this, you talk to them, if they say no it's NO. You don't push or convince someone to do this, it has to be something you both want. My wife is very Bi, but goes back and forth about really not wanting to be with other men and wanting them, and my approach is when she is "back" I am back, when she is forth, I am forth.

 

Tricking her, is pretty much the worst idea I have ever heard.

 

Exactly. Wonderful post. I also add, marry the person your want. Don't change or convince someone to be who they aren't. Of course few people know they're marrying someone who, years later, would be open to swinging, but people DO know if they're marrying a communicative and sexually open-minded person. If they aren't, this stuff will simply never happen.

[SCcpl40 74]

It's easy to flirt because it's safe and most feel it's harmless and not crossing any lines. The fantasies, the pillow talk doesn't break the norm and doesn't let someone else into your bed. Some couples never get pass that point. Some venture out a little bit with being voyeurs, a little more adventurous like the girl/girl play and soft swingers. Each of them have their own reasons for not going forward to becoming totally into the lifestyle.

 

If you both are very secure in yourselves and your relationship, you have complete honesty and trust, the migration from fantasy to reality will move along at the pace of the one who's most resistant. Nurture each other, never judge, and have no regrets. Remember sex is fun and fulfilling, not something just to do or be pressured into.

[bendmeovernow 17]

well i can't add too much to this one.. all are good advice. well the person that isn't telling the wife it's for swingers.. you might be embarassed if she walks out and your in a group of people without her. so i'd tell her it is a alternative style party... and that it's just to meet people and see what's going on with it and if it's for you and her. most think swingers and think where's the orgy.. so maybe if she's okay with it but worried about that it would work out. who knows..... might work out