New couple interested but cautious about MFM

[Guest Cubemex]

We are a couple living in Texas. She is 36 and I am 41. We have been talking about swinging for about two years now but due to our cautiousness and some problems (non-marital) that have popped up we have not taken the first step. My wife is not really bi and seems to be more interested in a male joining us than having a female or a couple. I prefer a couple but am willing to consider a male. I have to admit I get excited thinking about my wife receiving attention from two of us and would be willing to try it. She is normally a pretty reserved person among strangers but has told me of one or two fantasies she has where she and I go someplace and get a man to join us. She also enjoys MFM porn when the woman seems to be enjoying it and not just going through the motions.

 

I have two questions for those couples that have been in this situation.

 

To the men: Was going though with this worthwhile in the end? I admit I am a little intimidated by the thought of my wife possibly enjoying someone more than me. Also I do not want the experience to negatively affect our marriage. We have been married 7 years, but both of us had only a handful of lovers before we got married.

 

To the women: Was the reality of it as exciting as the fantasy? My wife seems a little scared of the reality sometimes, even though when I press her she admits it is an incredible turn-on to think of the reality. As I mentioned she is a little reserved among strangers so I think she may see a problem loosening up if we ever find ourselves in that situation.

[Kingnqueeneptun 15]

Lots of options, I suppose, but for us it was easier to simply attend a swinger's event and make new friends than to try to guess who we knew that we could play with. Rather not make a bad guess about a friend or chase around bars looking for singles. Everything and anything seems to be available at on-premise events and if nothing feels comfortable you are not in an awkward situation. Playing with each other is a well-accepted option.

[des1re06 200]

Male point of view: Not every male will have the same point of view. I'll give you mine. The very first time was a little intimidating. She was having a great time, and everyone in the place could hear her. Afterwards, I did have to voice some feelings of inadequacy, but she quickly assured me that even though it was different, it wasn't better. There were no feelings involved, just sex. Each time, it got easier and now I can sit back and watch her get enjoyment while she smiles at me and vice versa. To sum it up, it takes more than once to get into the "swing" of things. There will be some good experiences and some not so good. Always let her pick her partner.

 

Female point of view: I've only had one negative experience in the entire time we've been swinging, and that was a "surprise guest." All men are different and wonderful to experience. I'm thankful that my hubby will back off and let me flirt and get to know potential playmates. He gets to know them somewhat, and I'd never go ahead with someone he wasn't comfortable with, but I get the ultimate say in who I have sex with. It's like a wonderful box of chocolates (to steal a popular phrase). Just don't get too attached and realize it's for pleasure and fantasy fulfillment. You'll be fine.

 

Don't overthink it - it's just sex.

 

Most men who've been in the lifestyle for awhile will respect your marriage. They understand your desires and needs.

 

Good luck and have fun!

[fun4Ds 1,098]

 

To the men: Was going though with this worthwhile in the end? I admit I am a little intimidated by the thought of my wife possibly enjoying someone more than me.

We didn't search for the single male for a MFM at first, but the idea was on our minds at the time. My feelings were maybe different. I didn't feel the insecurities toward other males physically. Actually I wanted my wife to find what I felt was better than me.( A we only live once attitude). If she had a fantasy of Brad Pitts for example, Brad Would have gotten an e-mail. As it turns out she found a comfort in men that were just like me. Not physically, but on a mentality level. It turns out the way it happened first, we were actually with a couple the first time. The wife of the couple was understanding and let me join in with them while we were all playing. Pretty cool and WOW is how that went. Then after a short time we had a really bad encounter. Life isn't perfect and we lost trust in others. We met a male that understood how we felt at the time. For just MFM playing my wife chooses who she might be interested in and I actually meet them first or have a talk between just us. If we don't connect on a personal level we move on. My wife trusts my judgments on a mans character and lets face it. Things work out for the best if we all get along great.

[pleasantinok 25]

This man's opinion, other's may vary. It was very worth it in the end. I am turned on by the sight of my wife's sexual pleasure. Whether it be by herself, from me, or from someone else. When we have a MFM, I want to be next to her, assisting and experiencing her pleasure.

 

In the unlikely event that the other guy does something better than you, so what? That is an opportunity to learn something new. You want her to enjoy it, don't you? If you adopt the attitude that what is good for her is good for you, than you will be fine.

 

Talk about it a lot, and not only in the bedroom. Set your boundries, let her participate in the selection process, and take your time. Go to some off-premise clubs, meet some new people. The attention you wife will get will improve her confidence. Have fun! With each other! Promise each other of your love and commitment. Don't be in a rush, the extra guy, or couple, will show up.

 

Now, you've finally had that eperience. Together. Lots of talking, lots of lovemaking between the two of you. Your bedroom windows are all steamed up, and you were worriied that it would negatively affect your marriage?

 

Mr Pleasant

[sweet_tna 680]

We are a couple living in Texas. She is 36 and I am 41. We have been talking about swinging for about two years now but due to our cautiousness and some problems (non-marital) that have popped up we have not taken the first step. My wife is not really bi and seems to be more interested in a male joining us than having a female or a couple. I prefer a couple but am willing to consider a male. I have to admit I get excited thinking about my wife receiving attention from two of us and would be willing to try it. She is normally a pretty reserved person among strangers but has told me of one or two fantasies she has where she and I go someplace and get a man to join us. She also enjoys MFM porn when the woman seems to be enjoying it and not just going through the motions.

I have two questions for those couples that have been in this situation.

To the men: Was going though with this worthwhile in the end? I admit I am a little intimidated by the thought of my wife possibly enjoying someone more than me. Also I do not want the experience to negatively affect our marriage. We have been married 7 years, but both of us had only a handful of lovers before we got married. To the women: Was the reality of it as exciting as the fantasy? My wife seems a little scared of the reality sometimes, even though when I press her she admits it is an incredible turn-on to think of the reality. As I mentioned she is a little reserved among strangers so I think she may see a problem loosening up if we ever find ourselves in that situation.

 

Welcome! It sounds like there is some interest here, for both of you, which is a good place to start. I recommend that you keep talking about your feelings and fantasies.

 

I have to say I love MFM . . . being spoiled my honey and another guy is, well, yummy!

 

Mr. Sweet enjoys seeing me pleased, and he gets some attention out of it too so he's more than willing to go along for the ride.

 

As far as your other concerns, you're smart to be aware that there's a difference in fantasizing about something and making it a reality.

 

Neither Mr. Sweet nor I had a lot of experience before marriage either, and it hasn't been a problem for us. Everyone bring something different to the party, and that's what this is all about anyway.

 

You might want to try going to a club to get a feel for the atmosphere, and trying to get to know some people. See how you feel. Take it slow.

 

Best of luck to ya'll,

 

=)

[Guest Cubemex]

I want to thank all of you that have responded. There is alot of good advice in your messages. It is good to see that there are other people with similar thoughts and experiences. In the end every couple has to have the experience for themselves or decide not to do anything, but it is still good to get others input.

[iapr 24]

This is the males point of view, it was very much worth it. We are mainly into couples but did set out to have a MFM one time to see what it was like and a good time was had by all. It is really a great gift to a lucky lady to be the center of attention and ladies really enjoy and appreciate gifts so what is good for the goose is definately good for the gander:kissface:.

 

Your not human if you don't have a few insecurities and the best way to deal with them is to face them head-on. In our case our first full swap the other male half was a lot better looking than me, had an income I can not even imagine and completely dwarfed me in the endowment department. Talk about fodder for insecurity. In the end his wife enjoyed my attentions thoroughly and my wife came home with me that night and life has been just fine ever since and so even though I faced my greatest fears nothing bad happened and since then I couldn't care less how good looking a guy is or how big his dick is, what matters is how much fun you have as a couple.

 

As far as your MFM one of the main things I would recommend is to let her do the choosing and your role will be to address if you see any red flags with a particular guy. Otherwise let her pick out which one(s) she wants. Women aren't like guys who can get it on with anyone that is reasonably attractive. Do NOT try to pick one out for her and for God's sake do not try to suprise her with some guy. In order for her to be comfortable enough to enjoy it at all she has to be sitting squarlely in the drivers seat.

 

The benifits to you in a MFM situation are -

 

- you get to have sex with your wife but at the same time you also get to watch your own personal porno show.

 

-you don't have to lift a finger to flirt or dance or schmooze another woman. All you have to do is entertain and protect your own wife whch you should be doing every day anyway. With couples or single fems you have to do a lot of work but with a MFM all you have to do is just be there.

 

- at the end of it you can send him home and then you have this sexed up, turbo charged horny woman on your hands for the next few days:D.

 

- watching your wife get it on with another guy can be dang hot in and of itself.

 

- She will be happy and appreciative of a very special gift but unlike a diamond necklace or big boquet of flowers this one doesn't cost you anything.

 

- Good chance that if that goes ok she will probably want to try and FMF or couple/couple next.

 

- You can take some great pics of her with him and then when he is tired you can hand him the cameral to get some good pics of you and her and then when you are tired he can jump in again and so on and so on.

 

Hmmm now that I think about it, any single guys out there available sometime soon?

[hoistsail 18]

I agree that the wife needs to make the final decision on the make joining you two. When I have participated in this as the second M I have found them men do the initial screening and then the wife does the final screening. lots of talking helps get everyone in the same mood. In two cases it worked great and there was no jealousy that I was aware of. One did not work as the woman was like ice, seemed to be a picture pleasure but not into reality. One resulted in jealousy, not from size, fairly simillar there, but I was in better shape and the head of my dick could get her off when she could not do that with her husband. If your desire is to see your wife pleased, be happy if she is pleased. If you really want to control things there is a higher probability that you will have a problem.

[guayaquil2006 15]

That could have been us who posted this thread. Lots a very valuable info, thank you all!

 

J&R

[sbjr3 17]

My first experience was with a single male at the club we attend and it was fantastic. We attended the club a couple of times first in order to get the feel of things and be more relaxed. For me, having a mfm for my first experience seemed less intimidating than mfmf, plus it was my primary fantasy at the time. Jim and I would talk to the single males who caught me eye then the two of us would discuss our thoughts. In the end, I made the final decision.

 

Jim was supportive and involved the entire time. At no time was he worried or jealous that my choice would "be better than him". He was/is confident in my love for him and understood it's all about the experience and nothing else. It was a huge turn on for him (and still is).

 

sb

[Sir Dude 15]

Ours happened very quick once I mentioned the idea. However, we've only had fun a few times with a friend. My wife has to be in a certian mood to want it. She likes the anticipation.

[Guest Cubemex]

There are so many good issues all of you have brought up it is difficult to talk about all of them at once, so this post I will respond to something IAPR said in his post. He said that the woman should do the choosing and a couple of other posts agree with that. He also said that woman are not like men and need to feel something more than just physical attraction to have sex. A couple of you seem to agree with that. As I man, it is true that I dont care about the woman's personality, her bad habits, how she dresses, her opinions, her moods, etc. If I am looking for sex then the physical is the only thing that is important.

My wife one time saw a post on a swingers site that she seemed interested in and so we looked over his profile. We looked at his pics and everything was going okay until she read something in his profile that suggested he was very macho and somewhat insensitive to women's feelings. I didnt care, but my wife saw that as a complete turnoff. I told her why it should matter because we are not looking for love. In fact I would prefer that she pick a guy who did not have the same qualities as me, so that it would be sex only and no emotions attached. However, she scratched him off the list.

I suppose this is an example of what you are talking about, IAPR. I guess my concern is that if the guy is too "nice" or too "ideal" that the experience could create an emotional problem in our marriage. What am I missing here?

[Guest screaminggood]

Cubemex,

 

You're missing that the "nice" men understand the game. They willingly go into it knowing that they are a toy for the fem half of the couple. They make the woman feel wonderful, but also know that when it's over, it's over unless the couple asks for more. And they are respectful of it.

 

BTW, your wife may be reading the profiles differently than how you do. Her turn-off might be that the "macho" guy is going to be too rough, too inconsiderate, etc. Something that affects her trust, which is never an issue with you.

 

I personally like to do my extra male hunting in person. It's much easier to "read" them.

[joaninla 162]

For my first (few) times in an MFM, the most difficult thing for me was to relax. And I firmly believe that for everyone to enjoy themselves the woman must be relaxed. For me a hot bath, a little wine, the right environment (low lights, candles, music, etc.) helped a lot. Also, I picked a guy I knew well (had had good sex with before our marriage, and I knew would be happy to join in). We quickly progressed to a few situations where I was blindfolded and my hubby and another guy he picked focused on me. That again, the focus by both of you 'doing' your wife, rather than her 'doing' you will make for a great MFM. Good luck. Far and away MFM's are our favorite activity.

[mnd7398 46]

We had an absolutely perfect first MFM experience. I had no trouble talking my wife into doing it again with him. The problem was that having great sex together caused them to fall in love with each other. It worked out in the end and I would have to say that it was worth it. It is an incredible site to watch the woman you love enjoying getting fucked by another man. Not just getting fucked but being made love to. I was jealous at first watching them kiss very passionately and there were times I felt uncomfortable by the amount of time they spent together while I watched and waited for my turn with her.

[WeMayTryIt 120]

While we haven't had an MFM per se (just experience with couples), I can add a little of the male perspective. I can relate to having some apprehension about the possibility of my wife liking someone else better. Before we actually had any encounters, I had pretty much gotten past the worries (emphasis on "pretty much"). I knew that no matter what happened, I would always be able to satisfy her, and that's all I needed. The first time she was with someone that was significantly bigger than I (I'm about average), I was at the same time excited for her to experience something new and slightly apprehensive. As someone noted in a previous response, I just faced it head on. Not only was he quite large, he knew how to put his equipment to very good use. At the end of the night, I was utterly surprised at my reaction. Not only was I NOT in the least bit jealous, I was actually more secure in what we have together. She was making the same noises and having orgasms just like she does when she's with me--I suppose if it was obvious that she was in a world she'd never been in, it may have been different. Maybe not. Seeing her so pleasured was the most erotic thing I've ever seen. She very much enjoyed the experience, but nobody in the world can duplicate what we have when we're together. We both know it, and we both know that we both know it It was such an erotic experience for me, that I've really been encouraging her to try MFM--it didn't take much encouragement, though we're still looking for the right guy. Just make sure you are both secure in the fact that you will always be the other's number one. If you have truly good communication between the two of you, you'll know if the other is genuine when they tell you that's the case.

 

Good luck and have fun!

[GoNatural 104]

First, great thead, and I really enjoyed the replies.

 

I'm a single male that has been in the lifestyle for about 6 years now. Yes, I'm single, but I can see that these replies were great.

 

In the unlikely event that the other guy does something better than you, so what? That is an opportunity to learn something new. You want her to enjoy it, don't you? If you adopt the attitude that what is good for her is good for you, than you will be fine.

 

 

I agree with Mr. Pleasant. He worded that well.

 

I dearly hope to spend my life with a woman that enjoys sex with other men. In the event that she would have the best sex of her life with someone else, I'd just hope that I was there to be able to see it . Ok, I get quite a bit turned on by the "hotwife" fantasies, but you get the idea.

[Guest Cubemex]

Finally went to our first swingers club last night. It was a little slow in the club, but still pretty nice. Just wanted to update the thread.