Married swinging vs. bf/gf swinging

[audiguyvdubgirl 33]

Is there a big difference? Do those of you who swing as a married couple or non-married couple have different rules when it comes to swinging? It may not be a big deal, but I was just curious. As a married couple do you mainly play together or do you have the option of playing separately at a party, eventually reconnecting to continue the experience? My partner is more into the the idea of playing together with another couple versus individual swing. As for myself, I'm cool with either aspect, and feel either could be would be really fun, but I certainly would never go against her idea of how we should swing.

 

Regrettably, we have yet to swing, but have attended parties. We're looking for a couple or couples that we could develop a relationship with as opposed to just going to a party and hooking up with someone (although that could be fun). Despite living in San Francisco, it has been difficult at best, to find that elusive couple.

[VegasLee 1,486]

You will find that some don't want to party with unmarried couples and others will. With us personally it is more about the people then anything else.

 

We are different then many, Laura parties at the party with who she wants, I party with who I want. We always know who the other is with and where they are at in the party. Sometimes we do end up with a couple but over the years have found it is to hard to find four people that all like each other so we don't tend to go that way often.

 

What we do works for us. You will find the same for you. What works for you is what you need to stay with. You will find your game in time. Does not happen overnight.

[Guest screaminggood]

We are a MWC. We only party together...because participating and watching each other enjoy themselves is what excites us. We're in it for great sex but not like when we were single; the lifestyle is kind of like a live vibrator...a marital aid in the bedroom.

And please don't be offended, but the rest of you are my "toys."

 

Just like a good vacation, a good evening can develop the memories that make us smile at each other with that knowing glint.

[havefuninsun 122]

We were a bf/gf swing couple, now we're a married swing couple. Nothing has changed with how we swing, EXCEPT that we're always evolving ... but it has nothing to do with being married or not. We're as committed married as we were single.

 

Not much help, huh? LOL

[sweet_tna 680]

I'm married, but Mr. Sweet and I will play with any couple we make a good connection with--married or not.

 

You'll have to figure out what your preferences are, and work with them.

[Styles-N-Heidi 41]

We are a bf/gf swing couple and I personally don't see how things could be different. We are very much in love and I am very protective over Heidi and very observative of her level of comfort when playing with new partners. We are working towards marriage just like any other couple that sees a future together, but I must admit being unmarried does seem to throw up a red flag with some people until they get to see how close we are some jump to the assumptions that gf/bf couples are just using each other as a kickstand in the lifestyle. We have never been turned down because we weren't married. There have been some that have expressed concerns but after they see the connection we share and our interaction with each other they see that we really are as we say we are. In love.

 

The only thing I see changing as someone else stated previously is our growth in the lifestyle. We evolve constantly and take every new experience as a learning experience. That is one thing that will never change.

[audiguyvdubgirl 33]

Thank you all for your responses. It's interesting to get each couples view on swinging. As for the marriage thing, I know it's sort of a crap shoot to swing with unmarried couples for the reasons listed above, but I think the same could be applied to married couples as well. My gf and I are both of the opinion that we don't need a piece of paper to prove the validity of our love for one another and if we ever get the chance to swing, we'll be seen as exciting and trustworthy as a couple who are married. Considering that we have both been in marriages that ultimately didn't work out, we both feel and are quite content with not being married. For us; been there, done that. I think marriage is great, but speaking for myself, I wouldn't do it again and don't want to. Anyway, for the purposes of swinging, I can understand how one can get the impression that the unmarried couple is only in it for all of the wrong reasons. In any case, I think most of you all are wise enough to discern that married or unmarried, it just depends on the individuals. Again, thank you all for your lending me your eyes...Peace.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

What your rules are shouldn't have anything to do with whether or not you are married. I've seen similar questions asked before it always makes me wonder if the couple asking really views themselves as a long-term couple. If you do look at yourself as a long -term couple (the only difference is a piece of paper) then whether or not you are married should NOT affect the boundaries you set for yourself as a couple.

 

The fact that you ask that would make me question whether or not you were a seriously committed couple to the extent that we would play with you. As to whether or not we require that people we play with be married, not really. We do try to get a feel for how the couple interacts together as a couple and whether or not they really seem to be a committed couple. Of course, every situation is different. If we met you for drinks and chatted we'd obviously get to know a lot more about you than we would if we met you at a club and just talked for a short bit before playing. In the latter case we may not ever know if you are married unless you volunteer the info.

[audiguyvdubgirl 33]

The fact that you ask that would make me question whether or not you were a seriously committed couple to the extent that we would play with you.

 

I only asked out of curiosity, not to put our relationship on display or to give anyone a sense of what our relationship is like. The question was just to understand how couples approach swinging. We're fine, but we're new to the swing community just within the past 5-6 mothns and again, we have yet to swing with anyone (not by choice, just haven't made that connection with anyone). We're still having discourse about what we'd do in a situation where we actually get to swing. The difference between her and I is that I'm the more adventurous one and am not one to really care about boundaries. After all, I ran Bay To Breakers (a 7.46 mile race naked). That's not even a big deal, but she would and could never do that. 1)She's not THAT outgoing and 2)she's in a position career wise where if she were to do something like that, the repercussions could be detrimental to her job.

 

Anyway, the most we've done was to have same room sex with other people who were doing the same thing. I only asked because even though swinging is swinging, married or not, some couples have their own set of boundaries as to what they will participate in. That's all I was interested in finding out. Of course, I went off on a tangent regarding the whole marriage thing.

[audiguyvdubgirl 33]

What your rules are shouldn't have anything to do with whether or not you are married. I've seen similar questions asked before it always makes me wonder if the couple asking really views themselves as a long-term couple...

 

Oh, and as far as whether or not we see other as a long-term couple, well, that remains to be seen Julie. We just take each day as it comes. So far we've been together for a year and a half and it's been great.

[Sico_tiko 17]

I thing there is no big difference between married couples and non married couples in swinging as I think both have their own restrictions and stuff.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

We're both married, but our first couple to take our "vanilla cherry" was a boyfriend and girlfriend. Amelia has never expressed a preference to me about the matter, but I think that I slightly prefer married couples. But, really, if we connect, it doesn't really matter if they're good people.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

Nope, in our case, the couple doesn't have to be married. In fact, some of our closest friends are getting married later this year. As an aside, that's going to be a hell of bachelor/bachelorette party.

 

Anywho, as long as they're committed, it's all good.

[foozballnow 31]

We found that people needed to see us more often before they took us seriously. We were unmarried and very young, 22 and 21. We have since been married but that was only recently. We have our own circle of friends now so when people see that we know people they take us more seriously. We just wish people wouldnt look at us like we are too young. Aren't we all here to have fun?

[Pepper & Drew 384]

We found that people needed to see us more often before they took us seriously. We were unmarried and very young, 22 and 21. We have since been married but that was only recently. We have our own circle of friends now so when people see that we know people they take us more seriously. We just wish people wouldn't look at us like we are too young. Aren't we all here to have fun?

 

Not to hijack the thread, but you've got to realize that to the majority of swingers are of the age group that they have children that are close to your age. Age isn't all that important to everyone, but some people have a hard time taking their kids seriously, and therefore wouldn't take you seriously either. I'm only 31, but honestly, I have no real desire to be with someone 10years younger than I. It's just a preference. And I could understand why some couples turned us down when I was 25.

 

But cheer up! You'll get older.

[LFM2 1,482]

We could care less if a couple is married or not. What we care about is chemistry. Do we mesh and clique? We get along with most everyone.

 

We don't like drama and we don't like dishonest people. If you're neither of the above, please apply within!

[MtnSwing 23]

Marital staus means nothing to us. We're looking for the interaction between the two partners. Are they sensual towards each other? Can they have a whole conversation with just a glance or a look? We use their closeness as a drama barometer. Couples that are really in to each other make the best partners and usually seem to be more drama free.

 

One exception are swingle couples. These are really singles that like to play together. They are not lovers but play partners that play with couples. We played with one swingle couple where she was a veteran swinger but he was not. He didn't really understand the rules and after playing on and off over the evening my wife was going down on him and he grabbed her head to force a deep throat. Play time ended. He was only focused on HIS orgasm and had little focus on my wife's experience. He was and acted like a single guy.

 

The point is that just because they are together doesn't mean they are committed to each other. We have learned that we want the commitment. We also look for couples that have at least some experience. Again experience tends to reduce the drama as well new couples often run into boundary issues as part of the growing process.

 

We won't turn down newbies but we will really take the time to make sure they are deeply in love and that they are both on the same page. We'll ask their boundaries and hold them to them. We won't let them suddenly decide to full swap if that was something they stated they don't do.

 

We want it to be a positive experience for all.

[prettylady 221]

Dog and I are bf/gf. The only thing that will change once we get married, I think, is I will have to deal with his snoring EVERY night instead of just 3-4 nights a week.

 

If you are looking for a one off hot night, I can't see it as mattering much at all. If you are looking for an exclusive type relationship, then I can see you preferring a married couple. But married or non married, at the very heart of things, we all have sex in pretty much the same way.

[des1re06 200]

On the married question - no, it's not an issue for us.

 

On the age question - it depends on personality and attraction. It's the same no matter what your age. We've had some good experiences with people in their 20s, and some not so good.

[two42lovers 273]

For us the issue isn't so much about a couple being married. The real question is are they affectionate towards each other and comfortable sharing each other sexually? A deeply in-love couple who is comfortable in the lifestyle is awesome. An unmarried "play couple" who isn't emotionally committed but treat each other with fondness and respect are great fun. (Usually not as fun as a deeply in love couple, but still fun.)

 

An in-love couple who is unsure about what they want, or who has a lot of rules that are not about sexual preferances but instead are intended to control one another, or who are inexperienced and very nervous, raise red flags for us. All the drama we have ever encountered has come from these couples.

 

To answer a few more of the OP's questions: we've been married since age 19 - now we're in our 40's and have been swinging for a year and a half. We are having a blast! We don't have rules about how we play at parties: we play 2-on-2, in groups, and 1-on-1.