Generational differences in swinging

[lustylearning 705]

After being in the lifestyle for a year and getting to know a variety of folks, we've sometimes found ourselves wondering whether or not there is a generation gap between swingers. It seems as though the 45 and up crowd has stricter boundaries and less tolerance for the 35 and under crowd. The intolerance we've seen reminds me of the old, "I had to walk 10 miles to get to school every morning" mentality - only in this case it sounds more like, "I remember when we had to write to people and wine and dine them." In fact, we've been amazed at how much of an "us and them" feel there is just below the surface...

 

Anyone else felt it?

[ncmd_couple 597]

Well, we are in the 45+ group and feel that the younger folks are on a different plane from us. Today is today, yesterday is yesterday. It is all what you bring to the table.

[tribbles 490]

We noticed a difference. The older set gets down to party earlier and faster than the younger set.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think it has less to do with age and more with experience... how long they've been in the lifestyle. Just based on an age factor, I imagine that the way I look at early 20somethings is probably the same way you are seeing 45+ looking at you. I think once you've passed a certain age and you look back and see just how much you've changed since then, you look at people who are there and think of what they still have to learn as well.

 

The other factor is that for those who have been involved in the lifestyle 10 years or more, there is definately a "when I started swinging..... you had to walk 10 miles uphill" factor. I'm in my early 30's but I've been involved in swinging for (damn) over 10 years now. I remember when the first swinger ads sites started, this was actually one of them. Before the ad sites took off the main way to meet people was either word of mouth or through swinger magazines... and if you think it sucks to wait for a response to an email, try waiting for a response to SNAIL MAIL....lol. In the early days of ad sites, it was a complete 180 from the way they work now. Back then you had to pay to place an ad on the sites online, and then pay again to view them (with a few exceptions that were letting you view them for free, and pay to respond). When I created this site it was as an answer to that, it was started as the FIRST completely free swinger ad site. So much has changed since then.

 

I can look back and say all that. But at the same time, I look at where I am now with a new(ish) husband and basically starting over again in the lifestyle, going through all that newbies go through and being reminded of just what it's like.

[Styles-N-Heidi 41]

Hmmm. I am not sure if I have noticed a difference. The majority of our playmates are in their mid 20's to mid 30's and we all party like rock stars when we get together. However we do have a set of playmates that own Nympho's here in Louisiana that are a good bit older than us and from our discussions and when they get together with us and our playmates we all seem to be totally compatible and on the same level so to speak. You know I hate to sound like an oddball but the differences could be regional. Louisiana people seem to have a different way of living than everywhere else in the country. I hear people talk about the average age of swingers being in their 40's, but where I live swingers come in all shapes, sizes, and ages. Check out our certs on SLS we have never had a problem finding playmates in our age range.

 

To the older folks: We love you guys. We never discriminate and your guidance, willingness, stamina, and knowledge has been a blessing to Heidi and myself as we develop in the lifestyle.

[Hot Raleigh Cpl 164]

We're equal opportunity swingers. As long as folks have good vibes, are clean, and they want to play, we're game.

 

Heck, in theory, we're all doing this for the same reason, and that reason is not to talk about the latest MTV videos, or who the meanest math professor is. Limit conversation to topics of common interest, assess each each other as suitable playmates, and get down to the real fun.

[sweet_tna 680]

We haven't really run into this yet. Maybe it's because the parties and Meet & Greets we attend are frequented by couples closer to our own age.

 

And Julie, thanks for the reminder of how lucky we are that we have the convenience of ad sites and forums like this to bring us all together.

[Styles-N-Heidi 41]

I am genuinely intrigued now do you think that states such as California, Louisiana, Arkansas, Florida generally have more variety as far as age than say Wisconsin, Utah, or Montana? :p I know this is a little off course and maybe even deserves it's on thread but have their been any studies conducted on possible regional difference and how general society in a particular area has an effect on the swinging population?

[tribbles 490]

I have not seen studies done but look at the number of clubs or advertised house parties in the different states, as well as where in the state. There is a difference there.

[havefuninsun 122]

Our experiences are not varied, but we've played with folks from 26-50 ... and we're somewhere in the middle there. In fact, the house party we attended had a wide range of ages, I think ... and everyone seemed to have a grand ol' time. I know for a fact that four of the couples there have all started this venture in the last two years -- maybe that's the difference you're seeing? It would be that all the couples there are new within the last two or three years (that I don't know). We also had a wide range of play styles there as well.

 

If I've noticed anything, it's that a lot of the 20-somethings don't want to meet anyone older than 30 ... they're not willing to adventure 10 years (or more) outside of their comfort zone. This is not true of ALL, but I'd say most. My guess is the "yuck" factor -- "that dude is as old as my DAD! OMG!!"

[MtnSwing 23]

We're mid-forties and have no rules in terms of ages of playmates. We meet most of our playmates at clubs where we have a few hours to dance, flirt and find someone to play with. We've spent a great deal of time with younger swingers and gotten close to playing - but as soon as someone closer to their age group arrives off they go.

 

We would love to include younger couples but we're also realists. If you're interested in us tell us. We've just learned to focus our energy on the people with the highest likelihood of a connection.

 

It has nothing to do with bias or prejudice. We just know that younger swingers are more likely to seek out partners closer to their age and experience level.

 

If you see us at a party say hello. Let us know your interested and we'll see where it goes.

[Greg & Sheryl 369]

We see quite a few generational differences in swinging, although those differences may vary to some degree from region to region, as some have suggested. In our area, one of Colorado's oldest swing clubs recently disbanded largely due to generational differences. Realizing that their membership was aging itself out of existence, clubs leaders recruited some younger swinging to help lead the organization. Unfortunately, the younger swingers didn't see eye to eye with the older swingers, and the club eventually dissolved.

 

In Denver, the remaining clubs are split largely along generational lines. Of the city's two on-premise clubs, one is generally know as the "young" club while the other is the "old" club. Furthermore, we recently attended the party of a particular off-premise club for the first time to discover that the crowd there was much older than the crowd we were used to at another club where we normally hang out.

 

Being members of the 40+ group, we're not sure exactly how younger swingers perceive us, but our peers do hold some general beliefs about younger swingers (disclaimer:these are generalizations, so there are certainly many exceptions to these rules):

 

1. They have a greater tendency to socialize late into the night before starting any play, if they play at all.

 

2. They place a greater premium on beauty and fitness.

 

3. They are more prone to jealousy and drama.

 

We've also noticed that young female swingers are quite fond of getting dressed to the nines on the weekends so they can put on girl/girl shows on the dance floor for their men. A friends of ours dubbed these ladies, "show ponies."

 

Okay, young'uns...let us have it! What do you think of us old fogies?

[des1re06 200]

We see a difference in how the younger set party. Some couples tend to drink too much and then aren't ready to have sex until the early morning hours. That's just not our style. This is not always the case, but enough that it makes us watch closely how much they're drinking.

 

We (43, 48) tend to have a couple of drinks, but focus more on dancing and flirting more than drinking. Around midnight, we've either chosen our couple or single and are ready to play for a few hours. Then we'll hang out at the hot tub, and go back to the bedroom for another round.

 

We prefer to dance to more current music (Shake That Ass comes to mind), and find that some couples in our age group and older don't care for the loud, new music.

 

Our play group is in the 32-55 age range.

 

Mrs. D

[lustylearning 705]

Thank you all for the thoughtful feedback. Hubby and I are 41 and 38, and have played with 20 somethings to 50 somethings. Our experiences have been, thankfully, probably 97% positive. It is in watching the interactions between our friends that we've been somewhat taken aback.

 

We would agree that newness in the lifestyle is a strong consideration in examining differences between couples, probably just as important as age...

[iapr 24]

Hmmmm, while we have only been swinging a couple years I don't know if I agree with your assessment of seasoned swingers complaining of how they had to walk ten miles in blinding snowstorms uphill (both ways) in July. Most of the things I have heard from the more seasoned people is that actually having sex 'back in the day' was a lot easier back then than it is now.

 

Yes, the initial correspondence via snail mail and monthly swinger publications took longer to meet in person but when the time came to meet in person it was pretty well understood it was for a sexual experience and as long as noone got cold feet or there wasn't any actual disqualifications people got naked and down to business.

 

If I hear the more experienced swingers complaining today it is often about how the "new lifestylers" today are actually more timid about sex than their predacessors and how today there are more people that just want to dress up slutty and dirty dance and for the chicks to nipple-lick on each other and then call it good and go home.

 

If I hear old time "wife swappers" complain it is that people are more into the friendship thing and the flirting and teasing rather than getting naked and having a sexual experience.

[VegasLee 1,486]

To keep this short I pretty much agree with Greg & Sheryl and Ipar on this one.

 

You have many more voyeurs and exhibitionists today then there used to be.

 

What Creg calls Show Ponies we nicked named the S & M Crowd. Stand and Model.

 

If it works for you, got for it.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

To keep this short I pretty much agree with Greg & Sheryl and Ipar on this one.

 

You have many more voyeurs and exhibitionists today then there used to be.

 

What Creg calls Show Ponies we nicked named the S & M Crowd. Stand and Model.

 

If it works for you, got for it.

 

I blame it on the internet. The thing that made swinging easier... has made it well... easier to find. So instead of having to work for it, meaning that those who actually took the time and the effort to meet others were most likely really serious about getting down to business. You had to pretty much know someone to get into a club (which meant that they knew you were serious and ready). It's so different now where all the info is out there for everyone, and all you have to do at most clubs is show up, sign the waiver and pay the door fee. So anyone can get in and many of those who do get in really aren't serious. This reminds me of a recent blog from (I think) EllyAnne where she talked about finding out that her VANILLA sister has discovered her favorite swinger club and thinks it's cool to go there and dance and watch all the crazy swinger people.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

We see a difference in how the younger set party. Some couples tend to drink too much and then aren't ready to have sex until the early morning hours. That's just not our style. This is not always the case, but enough that it makes us watch closely how much they're drinking.

Mrs. D

 

Just this weekend, I made some friends of ours spit-shake and pinky swear that we weren't going to hang at the club until the wee hours of the morning and that we were actually going to play before midnight. I'm 31, but I'm an old lady at heart. Hell, a perfect day for me is to start a pool party at 12 or 1, go home at 9 or 10 and be in bed before SNL comes on.

 

If I hear the more experienced swingers complaining today it is often about how the "new lifestylers" today are actually more timid about sex than their predacessors and how today there are more people that just want to dress up slutty and dirty dance and for the chicks to nipple-lick on each other and then call it good and go home.

 

If I hear old time "wife swappers" complain it is that people are more into the friendship thing and the flirting and teasing rather than getting naked and having a sexual experience.

 

We used to hear couples say that about us. What they didn't know was that we're not at all timid about sex, it just happened that we didn't always announce who we were leaving with or what we're doing. All they knew is that we weren't playing with them, and assumed we weren't playing with anyone. Pretty presumptive, I'd say....

 

Pepper

[lustylearning 705]

Pepper & Drew said:

What they didn't know was that we're not at all timid about sex, it just happened that we didn't always announce who we were leaving with or what we're doing. All they knew is that we weren't playing with them, and assumed we weren't playing with anyone. Pretty presumptive, I'd say....

 

Pepper

 

I heard that

 

But then again, if they figure out you are playing, they may perceive you as being too busy. It may just be sexual frustration talking, but with some folks it seems you can't win for losing...

[prettylady 221]

I am still fairly new so it seems a bit cheeky for me to say this. But it is what I have seen.

 

I have been to a few clubs and the thing that stands out with me is newbies are like 19-year-olds at the bar. (21 in your case). The people who have been bar goes for a few years sit back, relax, and enjoy the company and music. The 19+ Get fall down drunk and make asses of themselves. They haven't figured it out yet.

 

I have seen the same in swing clubs. The experienced group are having fun dancing, playing pool, flirting, and basically having a good time with out making an ass of themselves. The newer ones, are loud, in your face, suggestive and flirty, then.....nope it is time to go home.

They want to be seen as a swinger but just aren't ready to be swingers. S & M like Lee said. Look but don't touch.

 

I like to have fun earlier on in the night, that way I can just dance and relax the rest of the night. Or who knows maybe play again later.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Generational differences in swinging have been going on for generations.

[Guest screaminggood]

I coined the phrase "nipple lickers" for those women who come on really strong, dance and lick nipples on the dance floor but then leave after they have their boyfriends/husbands all excited.

 

I understand their rights, and that it's fun for them to do, but it wastes the time of those of us who are seriously bi or serious about any playtime situations. We're starting to be able to pick them out of the crowd though...and we avoid them.

[Tia Vampire 167]

For us, it is a little different. Him 32 and shy. Myself 38 and outgoing. I've read here, move as slowly as the slower person, which was him. So I let him make all of the dissisions. It got us no where fast.

 

So I agree that it is more of an experience thing as Julie said. He came from the counry and his family was his biggest concern. They had their own fern business, So it was go to school, come home and do homework, then come out to help in the fields and then take the fern to the shipping warehouse. He had only two friends that he was allowed to play and stay with on the weekends. The family business has always came first.

 

I'm from New York and I have always been surrounded by family and friends. Always doing something and having fun doing it. So i'm not a bit shy. I'm easy to get along with and enjoy socializing with others. I do get a little uneasy in new situations and need a drink to calm my nerves, but not so much that I make an ass of myself.

 

When we do go out, we prefer to drink a little, flirt, talk with others, and I love to dance. He does not like to dance. That way I have a chance to get to know a little about a potential playmate. Find out what they are into and if they are compatable. For us it is really a mini screen search. Not just look at someone and say that they are attractive, let stalk them:lol: We are into the 20's to 50's crowd. I'll go off with an older gentleman as long as he is atractive. For me that is where attraction is important. Not saying that all young people are attractive, but for me there is something about an older and attractive man. Example: Sean Connery, Sam Elliot, Tom Sellick, Burt Renolds, and Clint Eastwood. I'll do them

[sc4play 17]

So far we haven't ran into any problem's with the age thing. We are in the 45+ group. I guess it's all how you look at the picture. We generally try to focus on personally, rather that age. And yes Julie we remember the old way's of snail mail.

[SCcpl40 74]

Maturity is not measured by actual age, but more by actions, intentional or unintentional. The lifestyle is made up by a broad spectrum of people. There are those that have more acceptance of differences as in; age, color, religion, social status and experiences, and then there are those who put up limitations and exclusions which are defined in their profiles or their social attitudes. For us mature,non judgmental people we meet in the lifestyle, are true lifestyle people. Genuine, honest, open minded, and accepting. Those people will always draw more in the long run than those who are all flash have no substance.

[Tybee Swing 286]

We've seen generational differences, but what we've seen isn't our age group being "intolerant" of the young end of the spectrum. The younger set seems to segregate themselves into their own group and not even talk to anyone who appears to be a little older. We're friendly and will talk to everyone, but many in this age group seem to not even want to be friendly outside of their clique. Not sure why that is!

 

I've noticed more intolerance toward older people even in everyday life. I work in an office with a wide range of ages, and we all get along fine, but I still see it there. The breakroom has a big-screen TV. One day, the 20-something girls in the office were watching a Janet Jackson music video. I was thinking, "Damn, she looks great". They started a commentary - "Ewww, she's like, 40 or something!" They went on to talk that way about others who were, like, 40. Would I rather have sex with people who don't look at me as "older folk", but only see me as an equal and don't even think about my age bracket (because they're probably in the same bracket)? Hell, yes!

[Playful1 434]

Okay, I'm a "young one" 23 years old. Here's my take, though I warn it, it likely is not the typical of people my age, as I got into swinging through people in their mid 30's, and don't really swing much with folks my own age. Personally, I don't have age limits, other than if you look my grandfather, I probably wont be interested, I've had a good time with people my age and people in their mid to upper 40's.

 

-The older folks definitely get down to playing faster.

 

-The older folks generally have less drama as they know what they are looking for/like/etc.

 

- Younger folks do seem to have a show off attitude and what I call "the pretty people syndrome" where they only play with "the pretty people" who most of the time, don't even play...they just like going to parties and feeling "cool"

 

-I've run into many more women who aren't really bi in the younger ones...the ones who just like to put on a show for folks, or do it because they think they need to (this one really pisses me off)

 

- Both groups seem to have the same biases though, towards BDSM, bisexual men, and basically any other "kink" besides swinging, and even then, if you dont do "their" kind of swinging, they might think you're a swinger. not everyone thinks this way of course, but a large number seem to.

 

- Younger ones seem to refuse to set a date for anything ahead of time...instead waiting for the BBD (bigger better deal) and then calling 3hrs before Saturday night asking if you are free.

 

- Both seem to assume the worst about people out of their age range...young ones think older folks are stodgy, gross, and aren't "hip", while the older ones assume that the younger ones are immature and will never play. again, not everyone thinks this, but I've run into a lot of it. i love getting the comments from older folks of "oh, you're actually really mature, we were so surprised" or "oh, you actually play", etc.

 

There are more, but I'm starting to go on a tangent, lol, so I'll leave it at that.

[foozballnow 31]

We saw a little bit of this when we first started. We are quite young, 22 and 23, and many people would look at us with dubious eyes. After they saw us a few times though and talked to us and saw we were for real and weren't there for a show, everyone was very nice to us. We do get the occasional email on our ad site from people saying "wow you guys are so young and cute". Needless to say we just delete the emails. We don't care if you have kids our age, aren't we all here to have fun.

 

And we totally agree with Playful1's comments. We love to party with people in their late 30's and 40's. Age is just a number and they know how to have a good time, thats what we want. We just want to have some fun and however old you are doesn't matter to us so it shouldn't matter to them. If it does thats their fault. We have plenty of other friends.

[twoforone100 45]

We think that of course it is there but it that way in life... We have met very young and much older than us.. We are able to have fun with both age groups swinging and in " real life". A good friend of ours is 19 and we have friends in their 60's. Age to us is mostly a #. Attraction and personality mean soo much more to us.

[HoneyB 15]

Our club tends to be younger--we were really surprised, as we expected to be one of the youngest couples there [me 28, he 33] and we were for the early part of the night but by the time we were leaving [12:30AM--we had to work the next day!], there were folks even younger than us and a lot of the folks older than us had yet to start playing! It all works out for us--we didn't seem to have a problem gelling with older folks or younger folks.

[MrkLin 393]

Ok, I'll perpetuate the stereotype. It's been our experience that the first group to look down their noses at another group tend to be the younger crowd. I'm soon to be 48, and I've actually had a twenty-something little hot-pants ask me if I didn't think I was a bit too old for this kind of thing. My reply was that I didn't need a walker just yet, and if she had the guts to give me a shot, we'd see who cried 'uncle' first.

 

It's been our experience that the younger crowd is in it for appearances. They're the first ones to do body shots, get totally trashed, and get into the whole 'two girls kissing, but nothing else' scene. They like the clubwear, the dirty dancing, the booze, and the atmosphere, but when it comes to actually swinging, (surprise surprise,) it just isn't going to happen. Ok, fine. Have fun with it. It is, after all, your night out.

 

Older swingers tend to know what they want out of swinging, and basically don't give two sniffs about the latest trends in drinks, music, or dance moves. They're there to meet people, have a drink or two (as opposed to twenty) and swing - yes, I mean actually have sex. That's the category we fall into - and we like it that way.

 

There are always exceptions - I know this. I know there are 23-year-olds who love to get together with their peers or even older couples for actual sex. By the same token I know there are 50-year-olds who don't consider it a successful night of partying until they pass out in the restroom stall. Age doesn't automatically mean maturity, as I'm sure everyone knows, and maturity doesn't automatically mean age.

 

I think it's equal parts age, maturity, and experience - or the lack thereof. As people get more involved in swinging, the less attractive they find the whole 'nipple licking' and 'I just kissed another girl' thing. Still, there's a lot of merit to what the previous poster said about the "You're the same age as my dad/mom" factor. We've gotten relatively few e-mails from couples under the age of 35. Maybe this is an attraction thing, but I tend to believe it's more of an age difference. Oh well - such is life. We don't lose any sleep over it - we just continue to have fun with our friends.

 

There are generational differences in every other aspect of life - why not swinging? It's not a good thing, it's not a bad thing - it just is.

[Chicup 42]

MrkLin said:

It's been our experience that the younger crowd is in it for appearances. They're the first ones to do body shots, get totally trashed, and get into the whole 'two girls kissing, but nothing else' scene. They like the clubwear, the dirty dancing, the booze, and the atmosphere, but when it comes to actually swinging, (surprise surprise,) it just isn't going to happen. Ok, fine. Have fun with it. It is, after all, your night out.

 

I see you have been to an LL party

[MrkLin 393]

I see you have been to an LL party

 

Maybe we were I didn't have my glasses with me that night...

[CXXC 435]

Mr.Klin

I have to completely agree with you. I look at the variance in swinging as I do lifestyle friendly resorts. On the one hand, you have the younger "Party" crowd, such as Hedo. There you will find many younger people doing exactly as you mentioned. They drink, party, kiss, lick, body shots, and fondle, but never quite seal the deal.

 

Then you have the mature group (Age not specific) that goes to Desire. Not only do they enjoy the fun atmosphere, they actually go with the intent to meet new people and engage in sexual congress with them.

 

Granted, the party can be fun. Watching the ladies get excited as they kiss, lick, and such can be very fun but it is like fishing a catch and release stream. No pay off.

 

Mrs. CXXC and I have been to both and find it rather aggravating after a while. Adults, acting like teens are embarrassing.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I have, on rare occasion, had more than my share to drink. However, I never expected to play. Whiskey dick is frustrating for all parties involved. Heck, it is difficult enough sometimes to perform within a crowd much less with a numbing agent like alcohol.

 

As for women drinking and having a good time; so long as they don't end up passing out in the middle of the activity or barfing all over the bed while engaged, let them!

[AskMeOk 148]

After being in the lifestyle for a year and getting to know a variety of folks, we've sometimes found ourselves wondering whether or not there is a generation gap between swingers. It seems as though the 45 and up crowd has stricter boundaries and less tolerance for the 35 and under crowd. The intolerance we've seen reminds me of the old, "I had to walk 10 miles to get to school every morning" mentality - only in this case it sounds more like, "I remember when we had to write to people and wine and dine them." In fact, we've been amazed at how much of an "us and them" feel there is just below the surface...

 

Anyone else felt it?

 

Yes, as one of the oldsters, I have sensed it.... We attend a houseparty/club about every other week or more frequently. We are open to anybody, any age, any sexual orientation,...... hell, any anything. We have failed to attract two groups, the largest of which are folks under, say 45. We are predominantly leaning to the higher side of the 45-65 group.

 

AFAIK, only one couple has any rules (they are *so* straight), but they know the house rules and are OK with the tranny partying next to them. We don't dwell on having to buy "Carolina Swinger" and the music ranges from Lucille Bogan, to Rihanna, to Prince, to Trace Adkins and back.

 

Our assumption: the 45's and less have visited, but they tend not to return. Maybe they are looking for just sex; we tend to form friendships and do stuff *with* our clothes on, too.... a trip to a winery is coming up, just finished a trip to the beach. Would a lover 25 years your senior put you off? When I was 25 (and I was a *real* hornball) I'm not really sure I would have had a go at a woman 50 yo.

 

I don't know.... there really shouldn't be a generation gap..... certainly, some pretty bodies only want to play with other pretty bodies and we get that. Otherwise, the understanding of what is going on or *not* going on eludes me. We think we are a kinda fun group....

 

Second opinions, anyone?

[Chicup 42]

 

Second opinions, anyone?

 

We are generally only comfortable in our age range. As we have aged that hasn't changed only the age range has changed.

 

When we started in our late 20's we were comfortable early 20's to mid 30's. Now in our late thirties we are comfortable early 30's to mid 40's.

 

Too young doesn't feel right, too old we are just not attracted to.

[AskMeOk 148]

I think that is the case for most, but not all........ I think. (I'd like to think so...)

[lustylearning 705]

It's funny to look back on old posts. I've come to the conclusion that it's not about being intentionally cliquish as much as it is being more comfortable with those you have more in common with. People sometimes cross those vaguely defined age boundaries, but not often. I don't view it so negatively now. It's not that the mind isn't open. It's just that we are naturally drawn to the familiar. C'est la vie.

[AskMeOk 148]

That being said..... (and it makes perfect sense to me....) does the generational gap create an "unfamiliarity"? If so, what????

 

We are really trying to reach out..... maybe we suck in the attempt. If so, your feedback may help us get on track.....

 

.... and I solicit any other constructive observations and criticism....

[sexcupid 809]

That being said..... (and it makes perfect sense to me....) does the generational gap create an "unfamiliarity"? If so, what????

 

We are really trying to reach out..... maybe we suck in the attempt. If so, your feedback may help us get on track.....

 

.... and I solicit any other constructive observations and criticism....

 

I just went and checked out your profile...and as far as the generation gap...I really have to draw the line at anyone old enough to actually be my parents...its just too odd for me. Now...my SO is 14 years older than I am...so its not that I'm uncomfortable with older partners, but someone 50 or older is old enough to be my parent (my parents are both 56 this year).

 

Other generational issues...particularly where the "friends with benefits" of wanting to do non-lifestyle type activities, you aren't in the same life stage as someone 15-25 years your junior and they may either be intimidated or turned off by that lack of commonality of struggling to raise children, advance at work, etc. Not saying you haven't done it...but again, not something that you are currently living...would be too much like getting advice from your own parents.

 

As Chicup said before...as we get older...the target age range tends to change with us. Someone willing to play out of more than say a 10-15 year age range of themselves may be quite rare (which is why your parties may be tending toward people within that age range...say late 40s to early 60s).

 

I don't know what your general approach is...but basically if we showed up at a party where I was probably the youngest person in attendance, I wouldn't be comfortable or want to return.

[timswife28 16]

Having only been in the lifestyle for a bit over a year...we tend to shy away from couples that are around our kids ages, 20's to early 30's. I know its a "taboo line" that we haven't gotten across in our minds at this point. I just wanted to add that because most limits posted have been "they are my parents age". So for us its, "No way they are our kids ages."

[AskMeOk 148]

Well... let's be reasonable. We've no interest in robbing the cradle and our kids are in their mid to late 20's, so, no real interest there. I really don't need to run into them at a house party, anyway..... 'nuff said.

 

However, we're late 50's and that is a demographic I don't understand. YMMV, but here are some stats for us... locally. Per SLS and in a 50 mile radius:

 

21-30: 415 hits

31-40: 1010 hits

41-50: 882 hits

51-60: 286 hits

61+: 32 hits

 

So, I'm really looking for the 41+ crowd. AND I'm wondering why 51+ has traded their genitalia for the rocking chair. AND AND I'm wondering if the 61+ group is really just about BINGO.....

[AskMeOk 148]

MrkLin said:

Ok, I'll perpetuate the stereotype. It's been our experience that the first group to look down their noses at another group tend to be the younger crowd. I'm soon to be 48, and I've actually had a twenty-something little hot-pants ask me if I didn't think I was a bit too old for this kind of thing. My reply was that I didn't need a walker just yet, and if she had the guts to give me a shot, we'd see who cried 'uncle' first.

 

It's been our experience that the younger crowd is in it for appearances. They're the first ones to do body shots, get totally trashed, and get into the whole 'two girls kissing, but nothing else' scene. They like the clubwear, the dirty dancing, the booze, and the atmosphere, but when it comes to actually swinging, (surprise surprise,) it just isn't going to happen. Ok, fine. Have fun with it. It is, after all, your night out.

 

Good description and don't beat yourself up about creating a stereotype. This is the new rage among the young...fit...hip... yada, yada.... See here:

 

Friction Parties - an upscale sexy party experience for attractive, fit, hip, open minded couples and single women

[sexcupid 809]

However, we're late 50's and that is a demographic I don't understand. YMMV, but here are some stats for us... locally. Per Swing Lifestyle and in a 50 mile radius:

 

21-30: 415 hits

31-40: 1010 hits

41-50: 882 hits

51-60: 286 hits

61+: 32 hits

 

So, I'm really looking for the 41+ crowd. AND I'm wondering why 51+ has traded their genitalia for the rocking chair. AND AND I'm wondering if the 61+ group is really just about BINGO.....

 

What's wrong with playing BINGO? I love to play bingo... And the people watching is fab...but I digress...

 

Who says that the 51+ crowd has traded their sex lives for the rocking chair? Just because they don't a. publicly advertise or b. share it with others doesn't mean that their sex lives are any less enriching than yours is.

 

Perhaps it isn't that your group isn't fun...but the fact that you have such a diverse crowd that people are finding off putting? I'm very much of the line of thinking 'do what works for you'...but if most guys aren't into possibly bi interactions or there are transsexuals in attendance...then that may be why you aren't attracting a larger crowd.

[AskMeOk 148]

I've only talked to a few folks that were put off by the fact we don't discriminate in who attends. Since no means NO... that really shouldn't be a problem, anyway.

 

Any idea why the 51+ group has decided not to "a. publicly advertise or b. share it with others"?

[PB&J 1,086]

We are both hovering right around 50, and in our 2 1/2 years in the lifestyle have met a fair number of 50+ and into their 60's people who don't appear to advertise. We met them at a regular house party, and they seem to do their networking through the social group that they have been a part of for years. I think that they don't advertise because it doesn't seem to be necessary. They meet new people (like us) when those new people get introduced to the group.

[sexcupid 809]

I've only talked to a few folks that were put off by the fact we don't discriminate in who attends. Since no means NO... that really shouldn't be a problem, anyway.

 

You think it shouldn't be a problem...but please search for threads here concerning bi-men (any why they don't necessarily advertise that they are bi or bi-friendly). No should mean no...but if someone doesn't want to be seen as a stick in the mud (reference your previous comment on this thread about one couple being so straight/having rules). The fact is, regardless of the house rules and no meaning no...if someone isn't comfortable in the environment, guess what? They are going to choose to not put themselves in it.

 

Any idea why the 51+ group has decided not to "a. publicly advertise or b. share it with others"?

 

No clue as I'm not in that age group yet...so pure speculation here (but would probably be relevant for any age group):

 

a. Maybe they have one or two other couples they occasionally play with and that's their comfort level and there is no need to put an ad up on SLS/AFF/etc.

 

b. Why be judgmental about whether or not someone opens their sex life to include others? If its not something they want to do or have tried and no longer want to do it for whatever reason, then that's their choice too. Sometimes the LS loses its luster.

[AskMeOk 148]

I'm straight, don't mind being around bi-guys, but I'd like to know their preferences up front and we allow folks to comfortably do that.

 

IMHO, that is better than getting to know the other couple, believing he is straight, only to have him "share" the fact that he is bi because his wife thinks it is really hott....

 

Sure it is a problem for some folks... even the female half.... which seems a lot more accepted.....

 

 

And I'm not trying to get into any discussion about some philosophical reason as to that particular couple or the other particular couple might not want to post, share, whatever for personal reasons.

 

I'm merely pointing to the Woodstock Generation and saying.... statistically, "where ARE you guys??"

[Chicup 42]

You are asking where my father or mother would be.

 

First they are not the most computer savvy generation. My father was dragged kicking and screaming into it, my mother thinks she is but really is not. They grew up without computers, lived most of their adult lives with computers being a 'tech' thing not a day to day thing, and would be uncomfortable meeting someone they only know via computer. Thats just now how they function.

 

Then add these are the ages where your health becomes one of the bigger issue. Its pills and pain and new aliments. A life time of not taking that great a care of yourself is catching up to many of them. That changes the priorities.

 

Now add in just a naturally lower sex drive. It does go down in most people as they get older.

 

So basically you are dealing with a limited pool who don't as a group communicate using social networking, especially for something like sex.

 

One final thing is even when they do come around to a swinger site, I'd not be shocked if many feel they don't fit being their age range is not well represented and leave the site. There is probably a niche market out there for a 50+ only swingers site.

[AskMeOk 148]

OK, you've convinced me, I need to go out and pick out a nice rocking chair..... :-)