Getting Past the Distractions in the Group Sex Room

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The below quote came from a post in the "Same Room or Seperate Room" poll/thread, and as I was responding I realized that this question was worth it's own thread.

 

I admit that I need more practice in a group setting like that, but there needs to be no radio. Music, perhaps, mood music, is a possibility, but not radio, with commercials, jingles, voices, and so on.

 

That is why we came to really love separate room play. Just each of us with our new partner. Having said that, I would like to learn how to be better in the group room, as I think there is a lot of fun to be had there.

 

So.....how did you learn to deal with all of that? I would like to have some ideas, if you would share some.

 

Wow, that's a really great question. It's hard enough when it's just four people trying to focus and not get distracted but group rooms are even worse. We often assume it's just the men, but I will step up and admit that I've never been able to get off in a group room type setting for the same reason, just too easily distracted.

 

I'd love to hear from those who have figured out how to "tune out" the distractions in group settings.

[sweet_tna 680]

I'm the type of gal that if I'm really enjoying a book I'm reading, a brass band could march right through the room and I'd never notice them. So, if the person/people I'm playing with are good at what they're doing and I'm really into them, then my focus will be on them. I won't notice the "background noise."

 

Now if I'm not enjoying what's going on, then . . . "Houston, we have a problem."

 

=)

[Styles-N-Heidi 41]

Such a good question. Personally my only real issue with large group settings before was my performance, and my only recommendation would be ED medication. I have since became quite the exhibitionist. Heidi and myself love audiences and generally end up playing in voyeur areas of the swinger clubs we attend. Sometimes I reach climax sometimes I don't but I always enjoy myself regardless of the people around me, and climaxing isn't the most important part of the play to me it's the experience as a whole. I know this post of mine offered no real advice, the best I can give is if you can't orgasm then just enjoy the experience. I can always climax with Heidi and I will be sleeping in the same bed with her at the end of the night anyway.

[Guest screaminggood]

I, too, enjoy the attention. I have noticed that when I play with a girl, we tend to go to the voyeurs-allowed room; the men I've been with seem to prefer the no-watching room.

[MtnSwing 23]

While I (Mr) loves the attention in a group setting Mrs is indifferent but game. Lately though. we've been playing with another couple and the female of this couple is sooooo loud that my wife couldn't concentrate with the noise. Even though we've always insisted on same room play we now play separately with this couple.

 

I guess my point is that even people comfortable in group settings can be thrown off by particularly vigorous and/or noisy partners.

 

The best advice I can give is to go slow. When I've had performance problems in the past sometimes just some slow kissing and fondling (or sexy talk) can help. It also helps you get used to the ambient noise and slowly tune it out. Too many people think they need to jump on the bed and instantly be super lover. It's YOUR experience. Make it what you want - and if that means sneaking out with one of the hotties for some quiet time so be it.

 

Move slow, take in the atmosphere and the energy, and have fun. Like others have stated I don't always cum but that's not why I'm there. I'd rather enjoy the experience and make sure my partners have a great time. Focus on the fun and everything else will take care of itself.

 

I hope this helps.

[couplewanting50 65]

Such a good question. Personally my only real issue with large group settings before was my performance, and my only recommendation would be ED medication. I have since became quite the exhibitionist. Heidi and myself love audiences and generally end up playing in voyeur areas of the swinger clubs we attend. Sometimes I reach climax sometimes I don't but I always enjoy myself regardless of the people around me, and climaxing isn't the most important part of the play to me it's the experience as a whole. I know this post of mine offered no real advice, the best I can give is if you can't orgasm then just enjoy the experience. I can always climax with Heidi and I will be sleeping in the same bed with her at the end of the night anyway.

 

Drugs like Viagra don't help a bit if your mind is not in it.

[lustylearning 705]

To me there's a different dynamic in the "group" room, versus the "foursome" room. In a three or four or more couple group, it's easier to blend in. There's almost too much going on to pay attention to anyone else::P: The real challenge for me has been the two couple room. When we started playing, I was acutely aware of the sounds of the other couple, and it would only get worse when I would see my partner focusing on the other couple - I would worry that I wasn't doing enough. Over time I've learned to tune out the noise - it's a must when you're blessed with loud female counterparts::P: It may have been the repeat couples that enabled my acclimation, but I'm only guessing.

[Styles-N-Heidi 41]

Drugs like Viagra don't help a bit if your mind is not in it.

 

I disagree. If I take cialis 24 hours later if my pants rub against it I pop an erection. It can happen at the most inoportune times. Drugs effect different people in different ways, while it may not help you a bit another man may not be able to keep it down if he wanted to, and even if it helps someone a little bit it's better than no help at all. The best and absolute only way to fully perform well in group play if you aren't comfortable with it is to practice. The more you play in large groups, the more comfortable you will become. Everything in this lifestyle takes getting used to I don't know to many naturals. I could of been Cialis's spokesman when I first started out but as I gained experience my comfort level went up. Now the only time I use Cialis is for large group play, because my nerves no longer are a factor.

[couplewanting50 65]

I disagree. If I take cialis 24 hours later if my pants rub against it I pop an erection. It can happen at the most inoportune times. Drugs effect different people in different ways, while it may not help you a bit another man may not be able to keep it down if he wanted to, and even if it helps someone a little bit it's better than no help at all. The best and absolute only way to fully perform well in group play if you aren't comfortable with it is to practice. The more you play in large groups, the more comfortable you will become. Everything in this lifestyle takes getting used to I don't know to many naturals. I could of been Cialis's spokesman when I first started out but as I gained experience my comfort level went up. Now the only time I use Cialis is for large group play, because my nerves no longer are a factor.

 

Erections are supported by emotional and physiological processes that must both be present. You are free to disagree, but your popped erection is a self-fulfilling prophesy, not anything pharmaceutically driven. Read the literature and you will see that these drugs to not cause erections.

 

If you have erections that easily, you likely don't need to be augmented by any drug at all. These drugs enhance the physiological side of the equation, and do nothing for the emotional, other than, perhaps, add positive, erotic expectation and mood.

 

I don't understand your very last sentence.

[sexcupid 809]

We often assume it's just the men, but I will step up and admit that I've never been able to get off in a group room type setting for the same reason, just too easily distracted.

 

Hear hear! I am easily distracted in group settings...so while what you are doing might feel superb, I'm not going to get there. The distraction can be people walking through, a porn playing in the background, a noisy playmate, etc. And I do try to warn my playmates that even at the best of times, it takes me a while to get there (like 10-15 min)...particuarly since many of the female playmates we've come across seem to rocket off in less than 2 or 3 mintues. So if the guy is used to an extremely easily orgasmic female...well, I'm sure I could give him an inferiority complex...or to steal a line from another post, he might wonder why I'm not coming after 3 licks and throw it back on there being something 'wrong' with me.

 

So for the most part, I go into a play situation with very little expectation of reaching an orgasm. No, I'm not throwing down a challenge...if it happens great...if it doesn't, no biggie. But maybe that's just me.

 

I agree with most others that sometimes the 'new-ness' of a situation can lead to some stage fright, but like sweettna said...if it's good enough, then the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade could be marching by the bed and I'll never know. (Same with a book as well...totally get zoned in on it.)

[tribbles 490]

I was shy at first and also have trouble cumming at the best of times. After a few times in a group room I found that I was very turned on by others cumming and enjoyed the 'vibes'. So....I mentioned that to others and found many feel the same way. And I wanted to be able to be part of the whole experience - so the Mr and I went into group rooms and played together with the goal of me learning how to relax and cum.

 

Now I focus on how good it feels and how turned on others will be when I do cum. I'm giving that while I'm getting. And if I'm just part of giving, I focus on that person. If convos are going on, sometimes I even join in those when my mouth isn't busy elsewhere. Some of the best times have been those distractions that made us all start laughing in the middle of the play. It's not just about sex and cumming, it's really about FUN.

 

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

To me there's a different dynamic in the "group" room, versus the "foursome" room. In a three or four or more couple group, it's easier to blend in. There's almost too much going on to pay attention to anyone else::P: The real challenge for me has been the two couple room.

 

I wish that was the case for me. For me it's the opposite, when there are just the 4 of us there are fewer distractions for me.

 

As Sexcupid said, the littleest thing - someone walking through the room, a conversation (the worst), or a voyeur standing close enough to be noticed.

[Ellyanne77 81]

I am thinking you are talking about a full room of people like a play room at a club. Its very distracting and we have never actually played fully in a group setting like that and not sure if we ever will just something about it that I (the wife) don't enjoy. I love playing around just not full play in a group room.

[good times 991]

I haven't figured out how to tune out the distractions either, so I am hoping someone responds here with a simple method.

 

I do best one-on-one, that is why I prefer separate rooms. With four people I have more trouble staying focused, but can usually stay with it well enough. But in group room settings, forget it, I am usually pretty much a spectator.

[Mr. Sweet 47]

Well, if only it was like high school when you got the erection as class was letting out and it's "think about baseball, think about golf", think about anything but getting and pointing your way out of the classroom without raising a finger

 

I will say for me it's all about who I'm with...louder partners are great thing or even ones that just have that one thing that gets you. One of my first was a girl with an evil grin the just went right through you....that certainly kept me on track.

 

But alas, it's not always like that and the louder room and the more action going on around you makes it....more difficult

 

So where's the miracle answer to all of this?

[couplewanting50 65]

I will say for me it's all about who I'm with...louder partners are great thing or even ones that just have that one thing that gets you. One of my first was a girl with an evil grin the just went right through you....that certainly kept me on track.

 

But alas, it's not always like that and the louder room and the more action going on around you makes it....more difficult

 

So where's the miracle answer to all of this?

 

I think one answer may be just be in it more so as to be more accustomed to it. We have a club dance this weekend again, so there will be more opportunity. And, it is fun just being in with all those nude people. Very erotically charged atmosphere.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

Both have interesting possibilities. We've done both and both are fun for what they are.

 

Can't say I've ever been "distracted". Sure, I've enjoyed the show, but was never distracted...

[Guest screaminggood]

Miracle? Incorporate the "distractions" into your mind's fantasy. Expect it and erotize it before you ever get there...then when you're hearing it in the middle of the real experience...it becomes a good part of it.

[Mr. Sweet 47]

I think one answer may be just be in it more so as to be more accustomed to it. We have a club dance this weekend again, so there will be more opportunity. And, it is fun just being in with all those nude people. Very erotically charged atmosphere.

 

I like this answer!!!! Practice makes perfect and all.....

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

screaminggood said:

Miracle? Incorporate the "distractions" into your mind's fantasy. Expect it and eroticize it before you ever get there...then when you're hearing it in the middle of the real experience...it becomes a good part of it.

 

Need a recording of random conversations that we can play during sex at home... or maybe just turn on some NPR and get used to tuning that out.

[Tybee Swing 286]

The bigger and more chaotic the group room, the harder it is for me, most of the time....but there have been exceptions. It's not working for me if there are things going on around me that make me feel defensive or a little creeped out (like males walking around alone with their dicks in their hand, coming close & doing the Stare, waiting for an invitation). If I feel like I have to watch my back, forget it. I also find it distracting in an uncomfortable way if there's something going on too near me that I find just icky. If I had a dick, it would have deflated!

 

During the exception times (busy room, heavy traffic, people watching), it clicked because I was 100% comfortable with my partner(s) and nobody was creeping up or creeping me out. I could focus on what we were doing, let go, and have a great experience.

 

In foursome settings, I do very well. I can focus on the partner I'm playing with. Catching glances of my hubby and his partner, or hearing them, only heightens it for me. In fact, it drives me crazy in a GOOD way to hear him drive her wild and she gets noisy! Actually, we have foursome group sex as much and sometimes more than regular 2-couple straight swap, which is very erotic to me (we like it best). With the right couple, I just cum and cum and cum.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

Need a recording of random conversations that we can play during sex at home... or maybe just turn on some NPR and get used to tuning that out.

 

We'll be right over. We'll be glad to have a spirited discussion with each other about the, uh, sub-prime rate in home mortgages and whether Starbuck is a cylon or not while you guys do your thing.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Chris&Amelia said:

We'll be right over. We'll be glad to have a spirited discussion with each other about the, uh, sub-prime rate in home mortgages and whether Starbuck is a cylon or not while you guys do your thing.

 

LMAO, the funny thing is that back in the day when I did the amateur site, there were many times where the girls would be playing, and the guy would be taking pictures while at the same time discussing the merits of their favorite camera... and on occasion even politics. It was distracting then too... but at times I could tune it out, I think it was mostly because the group of us were so comfortable together that we girls could get going and not even notice what the guys were doing. On the same token if there were new people in our group that we didn't really know as well... it was another story. I think the worst encounter from that time that I can remember was a trip to SF where I got to ride the J'Amour (similar to a Sybian) and the studio/office we were at, there was some guy there. I have no clue who he was or why he was there... but every time a girl would get to the point where she was obviously enjoying riding the toy... you would hear him the background cheering her on "oh yeah baby ride that thing", "oh she's having a good time now", "come on girl, come for us", etc etc. I never did get off on that thing, I finally had to climb off and give up out of disgust because of that guy.

[sweet_tna 680]

Yeah, that "cheerleading" bit puts me off, too.

[two42lovers 273]

you would hear him the background...

 

Yep - we call them "porn talkers" -lol! We've run into a few. It's like a XXX movie where the guy does ceasless dirty talk. He thinks he's a sports announcer calling the play by play - a huge turn off.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

JustAskJulie said:

. . . and the guy would be taking pictures while at the same time discussing the merits of their favorite camera... and on occasion even politics. . .

Last year, I organized a birthday party for JoAnn -- swinger friends invited. I knew that there was going to be a pro football game on TV. I disconnected all of the cables from all of the TVs, hid all of the porno movies and played an endless-loop DVD on the big playroom TV (tropical fish in a tank -- got the DVD at Bed Bath and Beyond). I really do believe that the absence of distractions kept the guys' attentions focused on the ladies.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I wanted to bring this thread back up because we ran into a situation recently where we were just with one other couple and the distractions were a bit more than it seemed like we could handle. We ended up soft-swapping and when we were having sex with our own partners, the other couple finished first and was moving around the room, going to the bathroom, then sat down in the chairs to watch. It kinda made us both feel like they were just waiting for us to finish and that feeling threw both of us off our game a bit and in a way created some performance anxiety for both of us, to the point that we ended up stopping before we were really done.

 

I've always had issues with distractions in group situations... but this is the first time I've really dealt with it in just a foursome.

[MrkLin 393]

Lin has a problem with distractions, and the number of people doesn't matter. She's the type of person that is distracted by music, conversation - you name it. Even if it's just the two of us, the TV has to be off, no background music, and definitely no porn soundtrack. She has to concentrate on what's happening, and if there's music or something going on in the background, she finds herself mentally following along, or listening to the words...

 

In the case of a group scene, she can't focus on what's happening if there's a lot of conversation. It's a strange situation, but she's solved it by taking the gentleman of her choice down the hall for a bit of one on one play...