Wife kisses BF but she won't kiss me...should I be concerned?

[nashswing 15]

My wife and I are new to swinging. Actually we have not done full swinging yet, just her hooking-up with another man. She and I do not kiss during sex, but she and her bf do. Alot. My question is - is this something I should be concerned about? Are they being too intimate and are there any boundaries that we should set? It bothers me that we dont kiss and they do. Their arrangement is "just sex" so do they really need the intimate kissing that we don't have? Am I reading too much into this? I feel secure in our marriage, but need advice about what is happening. I enjoy our arrangement and do not want it to end, but also do not want to have to worry either.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

How do you feel about it and what do you think is the right course of action for you?

 

Your short statement here is already indicating how you feel. Now you need to do something about it.

 

I suggest communication.

 

Do what is right in your situation. Every situation and person(s) will be different. It's up to you.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Why do you two not kiss when having sex?

[nashswing 15]

She says that she does not like to kiss.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

She says that she does not like to kiss.

 

But, she kisses him a lot?

 

So, apparently that is not true.

It may be true that she doesn't like to kiss you. If that's the case, you need to find out why. It could be technique, breath issues, or something else. Either way, figure out what it is.

[nashswing 15]

That is what has me screwed up. She tells me that she doesn't like to kiss, but then she kisses him alot. Then she tells him to remember that she doesnt like to kiss. Kinda like if he ask dont tell him we do

[two42lovers 273]

Seems like there are a couple of things going on here surrounding the kissing thing. You haven't said why you and her don't kiss when you make love. Is it you want to, but she doesn't? You need to talk about it fully with her. The other issue is knowing she does kiss her play partner. It sounds like this is bringing up some feelings - very normal for new swingers. Again, you need to talk about it fully with your wife. Seeing the love of your life turned on and going hot and heavy with someone else takes a little getting used to. If something makes you uncomfortable, you need to talk to her. A lot of new-to-swinging couples create "rules" to help each other feel more comfortable and avoid jealousy. Rules tend to adjust over time, after experience allows them both to become more comfortable. Main thing is to talk a lot.

[sweet_tna 680]

Uhm, the first thing I'd be asking her is WHY she doesn't like to kiss you. She's your wife, for heaven's sake. If she's kissing anyone, it should be you. So sit down and deal with that first. THEN you can deal with why she'll kiss her BF and set up some rules/guidelines for future encounters that you're BOTH comfortable with.

 

Best of luck to you,

 

=)

[havefuninsun 122]

Maybe kissing the bf is just part of what is new and different, and that's it?

 

However, if it bothers you, then it will be an issue. So you should tell her how you feel.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

If it bothers you, you need to discuss it with her. You said she says she doesn't like to kiss but she does it with him anyway while reminding him she doesn't like to kiss. Does she tell you about kissing him or does he tell you?

 

Either she does like to kiss but just doesn't enjoy kissing YOU. Or, since he is new, she feels like she has to kiss because it's "expected".

 

My guess is that if she really didn't like to kiss AT ALL she wouldn't be kissing him. Whatever the case you need to talk to her about this.

 

It's one thing, IMO, if you do something with a playmate that you don't do with your partner because your partner does'nt enjoy it, but it's another thing if your partner enjoys is and you won't do it with him/her but you will do it with someone else. Something just doesn't sound right.

[lustylearning 705]

This post caught my eye because my husband and I have different kissing preferences, and it's something we've only recently discussed in detail because of the lifestyle. My husband has a more open mouthed-kissing style, while I prefer a tighter-lipped style. It may seem silly, but I don't like the outside of my lips getting really wet. It feels sloppy to me. As a result of this, without even being conscious of the reason, I kissed less often while having sex with my husband. When we entered the lifestyle, he had several experiences with partners who kissed like crazy::P: When we discussed it (notice the importance of communication;)), we both discovered that he wanted more kisses, and I wanted a different style, so we compromised. He tightens up the lips, and now I kiss like crazy:D

 

So take heart, it could be something really simple. But you still need to talk about it:)

[Ellyanne77 81]

I could not imagine not kissing my wife during sex or at just anytime the mood struck me. I also do not think I would enjoy being with any other woman and not being able to kiss. To me it would be like trying to play tennis, but your not aloud to use your hands..it just doesn't work.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Then she tells him to remember that she doesnt like to kiss. Kinda like if he ask dont tell him we do

 

How did you find out this information ?

[prettylady 221]

I Love to kiss. It doesn't matter if it is my SO or a playmate. So I am having a hard time with this one.

It seems, if I understand your post, that she has said to him that she doesn't like to kiss. If that is the case and he is kissing her, it is more an issue with this guy not respecting her bounderies and your wife not having the innerstrength to remind him of her rules. In which case and serious sit down with the playmate is required.

BUT, having said that, Some people play different with friends then they do with their SO. Take me for example. My Dog is a gentleman to a fault. I only say that because I don't want him to be a gentleman in bed. We have a friend who can "take the reins" and skip the gentleman part. I LIKE THAT!!:facelick:

Different partner, different feelings.

But, I agree with the others, if this bothers you, you really do need to put it out there firmly so your wife and friend understands in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS how you feel about this. I know your going to tell me that you have. Apparently you havent or this would not be an issue. You have to be heard or this will become a major problem in your marriage.

Good luck

Your friend,

Prettylady:kissface:

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Their arrangement is "just sex" so do they really need the intimate kissing that we don't have? Am I reading too much into this? I feel secure in our marriage, but need advice about what is happening. I enjoy our arrangement and do not want it to end, but also do not want to have to worry either.

I sense that you're concern has more to do with intimacy than the act itself; you are worried that her interest in and closeness with her playmate may be too intense and personal since she has done something with him that she doesn't do with you.

 

You said that your wife doesn't like to kiss; is that never, at any time? Do you kiss when not having sex?

 

Mr LM and I do most of our kissing when not having sex, whether it is passionate and long or sweet little pecks, we do it every day. But during intercourse and other types of sex, we rarely get a kiss in except before - as a warm up - or afterwards when we are cuddling.

 

It isn't unusual to do something with a play partner that you enjoy, but don't do/enjoy with your spouse. So I think that is important to realize. In knowing this, you and your wife then need to decide if it's okay with both of you to enjoy different things with playmates that aren't a part of your sex together.

 

For all the reasons people have mentioned, your wife may not enjoy kissing you. She may have felt this way for so long that she thinks she doesn't/wouldn't enjoy kissing anyone because it's become a habit not to enjoy kissing. She's probably as confused as you are about this whole kissing thing.

 

Something else that I want to mention is men's facial hair. I have always preferred kissing a man without facial hair. Mr LM grew a short beard last year and even though I liked how he looked, I didn't kiss him as much because I didn't like his course facial hair. He's since gotten rid of the beard and I'm kissing him up all the time.

 

I'd suggest having an open conversation with your wife, keep it on the light side and discuss all the things people have mentioned here. You both can then figure out what's up with this kissing thing. You'll probably find out that it's not as big a deal as it seems. You may even discover that kissing can become enjoyable with each other, once you figure out why it hasn't been.

 

LM

[Additude 457]

You need to find out why...or at least know that you asked her the question of why. Then secondly know that you either believe her responce or don't believe her. You need to do that for yourself.

 

Then, she in turn has to realize that you are questioning her tactics based on your observing conflicting evidence.

 

To just allow the issue to pass without addressing it is bad for the both of you. Especially for yourself as your the one that has the emotional conflict.

 

Don't let her off the hook with a BS excuse either. You need to know the truth and you have a right to know the truth.

 

You don't have to be mean about asking, but you need to be determined.

[ross_sally 9]

Did you guess early in your marriage, then slowly stop?

[WildMainePussy 15]

My partner really doesn't know how to kiss properly - apparently never developed a technique to it and is rather clumsy. We 'smooch' as you would in public -- a quick touching of lips and that's about it. It's very rare there's anything further. Once I made mention of it, he got very defensive so we just don't beyond what we do. So when my favorite guy comes, you can be sure he and I kiss...and alot. Also I include his fingertips and palms in the deal to show appreciation for what he does for me. If my partner is bothered by it, he could improve by not trying to cover and suck my both my lips into his mouth or jam his tongue into mine hard. Now below is the best way to approach this situation.

 

Perhaps you should experiment with slow lingering light kisses at first around her neck and face working your way to her lips. That way you can gauge her reaction and get her mind (and body) ready for more intense kissing. But also be sure mouth hygiene is tended to. There's nothing like an overdose of onion or just plain bad breath when clean teeth and a mouth rinse will cure that.

 

Then there's the light tongue and withdraw routine...just as a teaser and don't forget to follow the line of her lips with the tip of your tongue in a circle.

 

Oh boy...I bet there are some fancy moves that others would recommend to get her attention focused back to kissing you.

 

I'd be concerned that you're missing out on some nice pleasure from kissing and would gently ask why when she's in a good receptive mood.

[des1re06 200]

One of the videos in our Kama Sutra classes explains different kissing techniques. Everyone has a different style they like, so learn what your wife likes without being defensive.

 

I didn't care for my hubby's style in the very beginning, and I had to let him learn my style.

 

Sorry, but you're doing something she doesn't like. It's best to talk about it and find out what she does like.

 

Good luck,

 

Mrs. D

[JaneyandBen 31]

I'm afraid that there seems to be a lot that I don't understand about this thread. For one who doesn't like kissing?? I can't imagine a day going by without my partner and I kissing and it doesn't always lead to sex, it's just something that is extremely intimate that we both enjoy. I also don't understand the situation... if she has a playmate that she kisses during sex but prefers not to kiss her husband during sex something seems very wrong with that... Did you guys sit down and discuss the whole swinging situation before going ahead with it? It's not for everybody and as has been said before you need to talk a lot, because if the communication comes to a stop you're going to be having very serious issues very soon...

 

Just my opinion but you need to sit down and have a very serious conversation with your wife. No one needs to get defensive but remember that it's not what you say but how you say it... if you sound aggressive or angry when you start you're not going to having the conversation for very long

 

Hope you get this all sorted quickly

 

Janey x

[sexcupid 809]

Ok, I am going to come at this one from a slightly different angle based on my own experiences.

 

In the past when I've gotten to the point where I no longer want to kiss the person I am involved in a relationship with, that is not a good sign (those relationships ended btw). For some reason, I use that as my barometer on how well a relationship is functioning. My ex- was a cuckold basically...he liked to listen in...even made a video for him once. He rather enjoyed watching the fucking, it was the fact I kissed the guy that upset him.

 

Now that works under the assumption that you and your wife used to kiss on quite a frequent basis. If that is the case, you need to try to get the reason why out of her.

 

If there was never a huge amount of kissing going on between the two of you, then I am more apt to be in the camp with Mrs. D and state that there is a conflict of styles. Some folks can look beyond bad kissing technique and focus on the other positives a person has...others can't.

 

It all comes down to being able to give and receive a critique. Some women do not want or like to criticize another person over something like this. So she may try subtle hints or tried to show you what she likes (ie: he's not doing what I like...so, i'll touch him like this...and when you say 'oh that feels good' 'i know, doesn't it?'...and with any luck you'll get the masked hint of 'this is how i like to be touched'...I know, it is like rocket science ).

 

And rather than come out and give you a full blown critique of your performance, she just avoids doing it all together. I mean, guys do it too. You don't like the way she sucks your dick, you try to give subtle or not so subtle hints...if there is no improvement, then you might avoid having her do that.

 

Anyway, OP...let us know what happens.