Only attracted to 1/2 of a couple ??

[EnchantedBiLove 30]

Ok, so, here's an interesting thought that has come to my mind: what happens "hypothetically" if a couple seeks out another couple they have seen a profile of on a swingers site, and that couple only finds one or the other other of them attractive--for any reason? (Personality or otherwise.) What would the etiquette be here? Thanks for your input!

[good times 991]

I don't know that their is any standard etiquette for this. For us, if we both don't click with the other couple, for any reason, nothing is going to happen.

[lustylearning 705]

Ok, so, here's an interesting thought that has come to my mind: what happens "hypothetically" if a couple seeks out another couple they have seen a profile of on a swingers site, and that couple only finds one or the other other of them attractive--for any reason? (Personality or otherwise.) What would the etiquette be here? Thanks for your input!

 

Well, I suppose you could keep your eyes open for a third couple that would mesh with the four of you and make everyone happy::P:

[sweet_tna 680]

That's really something you and your partner need to decide for yourselves. Personally, Mr. Sweet and I won't "take one for the team," so we'd decline to play with them.

 

A simple, "thanks, but I don't think we'd be compatible," should suffice.

 

Best of luck to ya'll,

 

=)

[iapr 24]

You must be a newbie if you think of this as hypothetical:lol:

 

This is a very common day in and day out thing and it is one of the things that you will need to determine how to deal with it as a couple. Once you actually get out and start meeting people you will encounter this time and time again. For us it happens waaaaaaaaaay more often than than finding people that we both agree on.

 

Not only will you frequently encounter couples where only one of you finds them attractive but it will also happen to you in reverse where one party of one couple finds one of you attractive but the other doesn't like your partner. The reality is it is very hard for all 4 people to hit it off so enjoy it to it's fullest when it happens.

 

Your question about etiquette is unclear, are you talking about what do you do if another couple approaches YOU and one of you doesn't like one of them? Or are you talking about when you approach another couple and one of them doesn't like one of you?

[socolais 696]

I think this is tricky ground because it's easy for someone to get offended when no offence was intended. Yeah, and it happens all the time. Personally, I don't feel slighted when my wife gets an invitation and I don't.

 

We have decided that we are cool playing separate when the situation presents itself and that covers our half of the issue. The other couple has the option to accept or decline our invitation....

 

The solution that's working out to be our favorite, is to play at a house party (clubs would work too). That way, everyone gets to participate however they choose and the opportunity for someone to feel left out is diminished.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

When contacting strangers on a swingers website I think all four need to mesh. Why would my spouse want to play with a stranger and leave me hanging? We are here for us.

 

Now if we have known you for a good while and the party we are at lends itself to this type of situation that is one thing. We have friends we are comfortable with playing without the other.

 

I don't think contacting us and only wanting one of us would go over very well.

 

How would you feel it someone contact you and only wanted to play with your wife? That might be the real answer for your question. Because what you do with the lifestyle is all about you and yours.

[Mr. Sweet 47]

I'm not sure about etiquette, but this is definitely tricky to say the least. Timing being one the items that always comes up. Between Mrs. Sweet and I, she does most of the talking and chatting online for a couple reasons...she likes too, she's better at it, and gets a good feel for people. On the other hand, I much more of in-person kind of guy and like to actually talk face to face.

 

So this brings us to Mrs. Sweet knowing where she stands well before I do most times, but it hasn't been too much of problem for us....so far. In any event, as she said in her post, we're not into taking one for the team, so we make an opportunity to get a "climate check" sometime during the meet.

 

In the end....etiquette is easier while our clothes are still on, so we'll bow out before anything starts to happen and never promise anything on a "first date".

 

Mr. Sweet

[sc4play 17]

We simply will not play if we all are not compatiable.As stated earlier,it's hard to find 4 people on the same page sometimes.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Been there, done that, and have had it happen.

 

If its a couple that contacts us, and is only interested in one of us, on sls or any swinger (website).

 

The desired one of us would be responsible to let them know that we only play together. Unless they get rude... Then we both would be involved in the decline .

 

The thing is for us, it does happen , and their may be a few exceptions.

 

Bisexual female play or a gangbang scenario. Either of those would be a different matter and would need clarification .

[ownerspet 506]

I don't think contacting us and only wanting one of us would go over very well.

 

I have to say that this would probably be our opinion, on it as well. Unless one of you are a voyeur and the voyeur non-participating spouse is looking for (to sit and watch), it may not be a good idea. That's assuming that the other couple is ok with the voyeur spouse being there watching.

 

In our own personal experience, unless it's just some girl on girl action, this just wouldn't happen. Probably, because we don't play alone or separately unless it's the g-g thing, and then I'm at least watching.

 

Although, this is something you really need to discuss with each other, because it is a personal preference call that you and your SO have to decide as a couple.

 

I mean nothing by the fire head icon, I just thought it was cool.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

Your question about etiquette is unclear, are you talking about what do you do if another couple approaches YOU and one of you doesn't like one of them? Or are you talking about when you approach another couple and one of them doesn't like one of you?

 

LM

[Tia Vampire 167]

I think that it would be rude to only ask one half of the couple out, unless it is specified in thier profile that they play seperatly. If someone wrote to us and asked if only the male half could play, we would write back a no thank you reply. No matter how hot the woman is. In a club or house party it would be different. If a couple was only interested in my SO, I hope that they would atleast have the decency to introduce themselves to the both of us. If not, they would get the we only play together excuse.

[cocpl2007 170]

No play. It happens more often than not. Nice people, everyone, but there has to be that connection amongst all involved to evolve!

[havefuninsun 122]

I'll put another spin on it.

 

If it's an initial contact, we wouldn't play. However, what if you find yourselves with this couple again? What if you start running in the same circle -- have mutual friends?

 

I bring this up because we have a unique situation that we're exploring. We met a couple a few years ago, and although there wasn't a four way connection, we like them very much and they do us as well. We've kept up with each other through the two years, and we're all still friendly.

 

I've been exploring the possibility of having a mfm -- never have. I was telling Mrs. Othercouple, and she said, "well heck, you can borrow Mr. Othercouple if you want to" -- you see, we're all trusting of each other that she could make that offer.

 

For whatever my reasons, this scenario feels better to me than trying to find a single male (sorry guys -- sucks I know). We have developed a friendship and trust factor with this couple. If the situation were reversed, I'd have offered up Mr. Fun to her as well.

 

There's no etiquette -- and swinging can be a very simple, complex thing.

 

(Clear as mud, I know).

[good times 991]

I'll put another spin on it.

 

If it's an initial contact, we wouldn't play. However, what if you find yourselves with this couple again? What if you start running in the same circle -- have mutual friends?

 

I bring this up because we have a unique situation that we're exploring. We met a couple a few years ago, and although there wasn't a four way connection, we like them very much and they do us as well. We've kept up with each other through the two years, and we're all still friendly.

 

I've been exploring the possibility of having a mfm -- never have. I was telling Mrs. Othercouple, and she said, "well heck, you can borrow Mr. Othercouple if you want to" -- you see, we're all trusting of each other that she could make that offer.

 

For whatever my reasons, this scenario feels better to me than trying to find a single male (sorry guys -- sucks I know). We have developed a friendship and trust factor with this couple. If the situation were reversed, I'd have offered up Mr. Fun to her as well.

 

There's no etiquette -- and swinging can be a very simple, complex thing.

 

(Clear as mud, I know).

 

Based on our experience, we still wouldn't do it. If it was a case that we all found each other attractive enough to play, but one of the females wanted to try an MFM, we might go for that. But if, for example, one of us is not into playing with the other half of the other couple, none of us would play. The reason for that is because it is highly likely that, even though we are friends, after letting half of the couple play, the other half of the couple may expect the favor to be returned. Or, at the very least, may feel like he/she got the short end of the stick later on down the road.

[havefuninsun 122]

Based on our experience, we still wouldn't do it. If it was a case that we all found each other attractive enough to play, but one of the females wanted to try an MFM, we might go for that. But if, for example, one of us is not into playing with the other half of the other couple, none of us would play. The reason for that is because it is highly likely that, even though we are friends, after letting half of the couple play, the other half of the couple may expect the favor to be returned. Or, at the very least, may feel like he/she got the short end of the stick later on down the road.

 

All valid points.

 

Each case and couple is unique ... goes along with that thread we talked about how rules change as you rock and roll.

 

I would DEFINITELY NOT recommend doing anything that all parties are not totally comfortable with, or feel as though it may cause an issue.

 

Again, all good points.

[socolais 696]

There's a lot of interesting perspectives here. Yeah, I'd be somewhat cautious if outta the blue a couple contacted us and were interested in only one of us. I'd let them know we'd much rather meet at a party and see what develops. There's a situation unfolding for us right now where a couple we've known and come to respect invited my wife for a play opportunity. I feel that even if only one of us gets to actually play, we both share the fun. And it is an interesting adventure - especially for her. When Mama's happy, everybody is happy......

 

Maybe I'll get a turn sometime, maybe not - we don't "keep score" with each other.

[EnchantedBiLove 30]

Thank-you so much for all the wonderful perspectives and advice I have been gven here.

 

To clarify my question, without putting anyone in an awkward position: We have received a number of responses to our posting. Some have been from couples that were, shall we say, not what I am looking for necessarily--but the female is ok by what my husband wants. The thing is, I really am not looking for another male for the most part, save for a few specific sexual fantasies that my husband is not interested in doing with me...see Anal. . I really want him to get to be with the women he is attracted to, and am trying to find things in the men that are the other half of these couples, that I could be attracted to as well--but it's not going so well. Mind you--I am also VERY Bi, and finding the women attractive as well lol. I am thinking that going to the parties might just be more productive for us lol. We do want to form friendships with some of the folks as well....wait, that's gonna be another thread, nm lol.

[sexcupid 809]

We met a couple a few years ago, and although there wasn't a four way connection.

 

I was telling Mrs. Othercouple, and she said, "well heck, you can borrow Mr. Othercouple if you want to" -- you see, we're all trusting of each other that she could make that offer.

 

If the situation were reversed, I'd have offered up Mr. Fun to her as well.

 

I didn't want to do a total thread jack...but I'm curious, what is lacking in the 4way connection? If you loan out Mr Fun, he would be having sex with her...if Mr. OC joins you and Mr. Fun, there must be a level of attraction there...is there just no chemistry between you and Mrs. OC for any potential bi-activity?

 

I'm confused.

 

To the OP:

 

If we don't click, then no play. We just haven't reached the point where we arrive at a party/club, kiss on the cheek and say, 'see you in a few hours!' Just not our style at this time.

 

Also, from your last post...it seems that you are only looking for other guys on occasion (for certain curiosities/fantasies that your hubby isn't interested in doing)...you may want to note your profile that you are primarily looking for bi-fems to play with...it may limit your potential pool of playmates, but might save you the hassle of having to turn couples down.

[havefuninsun 122]

I didn't want to do a total thread jack...but I'm curious, what is lacking in the 4way connection? If you loan out Mr Fun, he would be having sex with her...if Mr. OC joins you and Mr. Fun, there must be a level of attraction there...is there just no chemistry between you and Mrs. OC for any potential bi-activity?

 

I'm confused.

 

Well I didn't make it all clear, now did I?

 

The other Mrs. isn't physically attracted to Mr. Fun. What I meant was, if there was a couple and Mr. Fun was attracted to the lady and she to him, and we felt like we knew each other well enough, I'd let Mr. Fun fulfill her mfm wishes with her and her hubby.

 

These circumstances would be few and far between, because how often do you actually talk to couples after you've established it's not a good four-way mix? This couple just happens to be unique because we have stayed in contact -- the other Mrs. and I have fun chatting about ... anything. And I think her hubby is a hottie, and he seems to think I'm a hottie, too. And, we have mutual friends, and had the pleasure of catching up again at a house party.

 

I was kinda hoping that an attraction would spark between her and Mr. Fun, but hey, attraction is a fickle thing and at the moment, she's just not interested.

 

Again -- this isn't our standard mode of operation -- it's just one of those unique situations that has presented itself, and we're ones to never say never.

 

Again, if they were someone we met once, and the next conversation was, "hey, although I'm not into your Mr., you can borrow mine if you want," I think I'd be a little freaked out by it and wonder what this couple's agenda is. But knowing the couple in question as we do ... and have for a few years, we know that they're on the up and up.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

To clarify my question, without putting anyone in an awkward position: We have received a number of responses to our posting. Some have been from couples that were, shall we say, not what I am looking for necessarily--but the female is ok by what my husband wants. The thing is, I really am not looking for another male for the most part, save for a few specific sexual fantasies that my husband is not interested in doing with me...see Anal. . I really want him to get to be with the women he is attracted to, and am trying to find things in the men that are the other half of these couples, that I could be attracted to as well--but it's not going so well. Mind you--I am also VERY Bi, and finding the women attractive as well lol. I am thinking that going to the parties might just be more productive for us lol. We do want to form friendships with some of the folks as well....wait, that's gonna be another thread, nm lol.

 

I keep trying to post a reply to this but I just am really not sure what to say. I totally see your delima. It's not that you are just bi and only want females to play with. You would like to play with guys if you found one that turned your fancy, but you aren't having much luck there. What you may want to do is make it clear in your profile that you are very picky on the guys you will play with, and are more likely to be just looking for the female half.

 

Dealing with those who do respond where you are into only the girl and not the guy, all you can do is be honest. If they happen to be up for playing solo and are willing you may be in for a great time. Otherwise, you'll get none. One thing I would caution you on though, is judging too harshly based on the online pictures. Too often we have found that what you see in pictures and what you see when you meet them in real life is very different (in one direction or the other). So if you are attracted to one half, and it's just a looks thing on the guy, you might want to consider meeting with them anyway. You never know when actually meeting and talking to someone might determine that there is more attraction than you thought.

[ross_sally 9]

"The reality is it is very hard for all 4 people to hit it off so enjoy it to it's fullest when it happens. "

 

I started getting this concept about a month ago. That's why I don't think it will ever happen for us.

 

It's hard enough for 2 people to be attracted to each other and compatible personalities, etc.

 

Here is just some of the things that must all click for a "swap":

 

him1 attracted to her2

her1 attracted to him2

 

him2 attracted to her1

her2 attracted to him1

 

her1 attracted to her2

her2 attracted to her1

 

him1 OK with him2 boinkin his wife

him2 OK with him1 boinkin his wife

 

yada yada yada

 

Than consider all parties with the trust factor, then the disease free factor.

 

So as someone said, enjoy it when it happens

[EnchantedBiLove 30]

One thing I would caution you on though, is judging too harshly based on the online pictures. Too often we have found that what you see in pictures and what you see when you meet them in real life is very different (in one direction or the other). So if you are attracted to one half, and it's just a looks thing on the guy, you might want to consider meeting with them anyway. You never know when actually meeting and talking to someone might determine that there is more attraction than you thought.

 

Yeah--I definitely understand that and I would be a hypocrite to judge only by physical appearance anyway. The lack of attraction seems to be in things like significant age differences--that are putting us on different wavelengths in interest areas, and etc. Or, "silly" things like excessive facial hair--which I really cannot stand because it will give my extremely sensitive skin a rash (especially in delicate areas ). BTW--is it me or does there seem to be a LOT of the guys with goatees and mustaches??? In Wisconsin at least lol.

 

When it comes down to it, maybe I am just being picky--because right now I DO primarily crave another woman's touch. I will take all of your advice to heart--it has been very enlightening. TyVM!

[des1re06 200]

When we first started, we were in the "all 4 must be attracted" camp.

 

We've evolved into, if you want her or him only, then go for it.

 

We know alot of couples where the male or female only can play. In other words, separate play, but in the same house or club.

 

Good luck and have fun!

 

Mrs. D