What do you tell others about where you are when swinging?

[Guest winnme]

Well, if it's cool with you guys, let us know when you are in the area

[graygo98 148]

My sister typically e-mails or calls on Thursday (during Survivor, grrrr...) and asks what we are doing for the weekend. She has been told that we are "alternative"", so I can head all questions off with a "you don't really want to know what either one of us are doing this weekend". Actually, I like doing that.

 

 

Now this I really like! A one-time "sort of" admission, and from then on its your free pass from the third degree.

 

How far did you go into explaining what "alternative" is?

[Guest screaminggood]

"Work" dinners are very convenient...then you don't have to explain to vanilla friends, kids, or family why they aren't invited.

[lovelygirl2 39]

Hubby is in a local band - so we always can say we met people through that. Or we can say there's a show that night.

 

Only problem I find is when there actually is a show that conflicts with a good meet & greet we want to go to

[captainbob 30]

We usually say we stayed home and played Scrabble. Nobody has ever asked any further details about the Scrabble.

Who won? What was the score?

 

I once played naked scrabble. Winner got oral sex. If I remember right, she poured maple syrup on it and it was wonderful!

[Chris&Amelia 253]

What did you get for a triple word score?

[two4youinswva 3,068]

What did you get for a triple word score?

 

+1

 

(And stop reading my mind)

[AdultSocials 15]

If we are talking to family and vanilla friends - they get "we went out with some friends" or "so and so had a party" .... yes vauge responses. Since we have become friends with some of the couples we play with we just tell them where were. We don't have children so it is much easier. The pets don't care what we are up to :-)

[rpu3 630]

Now this I really like! A one-time "sort of" admission, and from then on its your free pass from the third degree.

 

How far did you go into explaining what "alternative" is?

 

Well, that's a different story. The short version is in asking us about a resort, she did a very judgmental "are YOU one of those SWINGERS?". I responded that I didn't really think of myself as a swinger, but tended towards "consensual nonmongamist". And then a minute later, "yes, I have sex with other people." Neither one of us has been questioned since, nor have we heard anything other judgmental comments about swingers, et al.

 

She had called while I was out of town recently; when I spoke to her myself on Tuesday, she asked a million questions about my weekend, but avoided the big 'un. Smart move; don't ask if you aren't ready to hear the answer, because I was prepared with the truth!

[ktimephoenix 156]

We usually say we stayed home and played Scrabble. Nobody has ever asked any further details about the Scrabble.

 

LOL this is classic.

 

We're lucky in that we don't often mix friendship groups (work/uni/his friends/ her friends/mutual friends etc), so if we say we're going out with friends, each group assumes it's with the other group, and that invites aren't to be expected. it was like that BEFORE we started to swing. having relatives in other states also will help cover any interstate trips.

 

we have a couple of close friends that don't swing, but know we do. we just tell them the truth (and generally get interviewed afterwards because they think it's fascinating).

[ktimephoenix 156]

 

When her mother calls, it's like:

 

Every time we make a weekend club trip, it happens,

 

lol, reminds me of when we first started dating, every time we were in an adult shop, right on cue, Mrs Phoenix would get a call from her mother, saying she was in the general area and wanted to catch up.

 

thankfully by about the 100th time, Mrs phoenix had worked up the courage and told her straight out. her mum was the type that thought it was hillarious thankfully.

 

The pets don't care what we are up to :-)

 

Ours do. the cat gets annoyed because he didn't have anyone to sleep on, the malamute gets annoyed because she has to stay outside over night, and the german shepard must be able to smell other people on us because he gets very very stand offish. in fact, he's only just started being friendly again from saturday.

[shy_couple 459]

We just keep it simple and tell people we are going to meet some friends for dinner & drinks.

 

We say the same thing. But it does get tough when the babbysitter is trying to make innocent conversation and asks what restruant/club, what part of town? Friends from work or from out of town? Then she says you guys have friends all over town (we live in LA and meet people from different parts of the city). Mean time we are standing there feeling that we look really dissheveled and smell like sex.

 

She doesnt run down the list of questions everytime we go out but these are the ones that I remember from past outings.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

The way we handle this is "It's our date, and we're just funny this way; we like to keep our dates private to ourselves"

[Guest lovegeneration]

Well, I don't hide this! I have a lot of friends doing this!

[allnightfuncpl 60]

Mrs. Allnight and I used to tell our parents we were going to be partying with friends which made getting them to watch our kids be about as hard as giving a cat a bath, since on her parents side of things they feel since they didn't get to go out and party when my wife and her siblings were small nor should we, and on my side of things my parents are very anti drinking and don't think we should be out partying as "responsible" adults don't that in their opinion.

 

So since we had been going through a rough patch money wise at the end of the year last year we came up with the perfect what are we doing for the weekends we go out.

 

We made up a story that we were going to be working for a "friend" who owns a "private dance hall/club" and that on weekend he has parties booked and needs us to work that we are "working" for him on those weekends. While what is really going on is that we are going to the swingers club we like to frequent here in Kansas City called the Spott and partying or having a couple over to our house for the evening or going to a house party.

 

Nice thing is Mrs. Allnight's parents and mine no longer object to watching our children overnights on a Friday or Saturday night and part of the following morning and rather than feeling that we are being not very responsible in our decisions they now think we are being responsible and providing for our family even though the hours are inconvient.

 

We don't like the fact we have to lie to our parents to get them to watch our kids for us but it is not like we are going out every weekend, a good month for us is getting to make it out to the club twice. Most months we do good to make it out once to the club due to my actual place of employment's shift schedules.

[2Entangled 15]

As the nearest club to where we live is an hour by airplane, we don't really have that problem.

 

However, last summer we visited a city where we used to live for almost ten years, and still have lots of friends, yet managed to fit in a couple of club visits. The excuse was quite easy... "We went to a club to meat (oh, sorry, it should be 'meet') some friends."

 

As there were so many of our old friends competing for our time, they all assumed we'd spent the night with a different group of old friends.

[TwoLittleBirds 23]

Here's something: The wife said when we go meet some newly discovered contacts we made online, she's going to leave their address with at least one trusted friend. In case we disappear. Which means to me we should probably just meet for drinks first. However, maybe, the first time you do go to someone's home, leaving the address with someone might not be a bad idea.

[outofbounds 48]

Mrs Bliss, the inviting them with you shouldn't be too much of a problem as long as you don't altogether stop your normal outings. You can continue to invite them with you on those outtings and not invite them on these others. Just tell them that you need a night out alone with just your hubby.

 

That is exactly what I do... a little husband/wife time, nobody will deny you time to invest in your marriage. I pretty much tell them exactly what we did, just leave out the other people in the story!

[TheSwingerSet 205]

Back in the day, We told my parents (hers live 4 and 6 hours away, and her mom knows we swing) That we joined a couples group that gets together every 3 to 4 weeks for dinner and dancing and each couple in the group has to take a turn hosting the event. This explained the different themes for the parties as well as our being out all night as my parents would stay out all night partying with friends after hockey and softball games, then going to an early breakfast and arriving home at 6 or 7 am. We still tell them that we are part of this group, but now we stay at a hotel and use a cab to go to the event, because drinking and driving is bad and we live 40 miles out of town.

 

Our oldest has an idea about what we do and he just says we are twisted and the 2 younger ones don't have a clue, but are happy that we are still married unlike most of their friends parents.

 

k

[essexcouple 15]

We make up LOTS of different excuses!! When we drop kids with parents, we are going for a weekend away together, visiting friends from uni, away on walking weekend, house-hunting in the country :-)

[2 in C-bus 21]

A few weeks ago Mrs 2 and I drove about 4 hours south to drop one of our kids off at camp. Then we drove two hours back north to hook up with some playmates. Our other child stayed with my parents. We told my parents that we were staying overnight in another city. When my mother asked what we were going to do I didn't want to lie. I told her that we were going to "have dinner and then some adult time" and asked if I sould elaborate further. She declined more details and I dropped the subject.

 

It should be noted that I really hate lying. I try to avoid it if I can. The small lies, for me, are the most difficult part about the lifestyle.

[celtic239 297]

We generally swing away from home usually on vacation. I tell my nosy kids that it's too expensive to call the hotel (usually not the one we are staying at) so if they need to contact us they can send us an e-mail (we don't own cell phones). When asked why we keep going to certain places for vacation we tell them that we are looking for a place to retire (the cover story)

[MN Tom 251]

We say we are going out with friends, usually to see live music, neither of which is a lie.

 

And when we do a hotel overnight (only once every other month) we say we are staying at a hotel that we found a deal for and enjoying ourselves.

No lie there either.

 

We've had sitters comment that "boy you guys sure go out a lot" but nothing beyond that. That is also the reason we dont use family more than once or twice a month, if they actually knew we went out nearly every weekend (sometimes twice a weekend) they would surely ask more pointed questions.

[TheRedHalf 81]

I would just tell them we're going out fucking and watch their faces .

 

As I've gotten older (Big 40) I've developed an attitude of not really caring what others think. I may be a little selfish but we only have one life and we should enjoy it and not let others hold us back.

 

I have a couple of family members and friends who are aware of what my wife and I are embarking on and they're very supportive. A little surprised (me too) that my wife is excited about it but still supportive. If the rest were to find out it wouldn't bother me and if it bothered them that's too bad.

 

My wife's family is a different story. Most of them are very religious and would probably try to burn me or worse. We're probably not going to tell them.

[weloveeachother 29]

My wife's family is a different story. Most of them are very religious and would probably try to burn me or worse. We're probably not going to tell them.

 

 

Haha, probably good thinking! We share your not give a damn attitude as well.

[WVaCPLforSluts 15]

My husband and I usually dont say anything much lol. My ex inlaws keep the kids most weekends. So if someone calls and asks what we are up to I just say we are visiting with friends. My dad use to call alot and try to get info. I think he is scared to know now and just says ok and moves along.

[ItTook36years 15]

Great answer! I'm trying it!!

[ItTook36years 15]

Haha! Great!!

[Dave001 15]

All of us (Swingers) many times have to face these questions and we are answering it simply by saying "Going outside with friends for partying".

[miacpl30 18]

Our main going out excuse when drop kids off at parents is we are gambling at the seminole casino and just getting room for night there. Truth is we rarely gamble. The excuses on why keep going back to cancun needs work. 3 trips in yr is getting kinda crazy.