My Daughter Found our AFF Profile

[havefuninsun 122]

LFM2 made the statement that her daughter found their AFF profile.

 

For those who's kids have found your profile(s) (or not kids, someone else very close to you), what happened?

 

I think my son is too young to get it yet -- he doesn't like to see us kiss, so the thought that we have sex would truly disgust him. The older kids -- hard to say. I can see the daughter, who's in College, being all "OMG! That is Gross! How can you do that? (unless, of course, she's had some sort of group sex experience, which she might since she's in College and all)" and the older son being "whatever."

 

I have one sister who would think it was cool (I suspect she's had some experiences herself), other sisters wouldn't find it so cool; my mother would assume I was talked into it somehow ...

 

Just curious about reactions, good or bad. I remember PrettyLady talking one time about her sister being a swinger as well ... maybe the sister found her and Dog's profile maybe?

[MRSfun 152]

Well so far those that have found out about us... Nothing... No drama like one might think.

 

It is like, what could they say? It is not healthy for our marriage?

 

We have outlasted everyone in our families

 

Well, except my parents and both of our grandparents.

[Cafe10s 7]

I think if your kids discovered you then shame on you. You should drag this kind of drama into their lives. You should all be so private. Should any one be discovered by their kids due to recognizable pictures on a profile or leaving a swingers web-site accessible on your computer then you got what you deserve.

[Thrax 384]

I agree, because of the way most of society stigmatizes those in the lifestyle, that if parents swing that they should keep that information at least from their children under the age of 18 or so.

 

However, we're encountering a big technological problem right now, at least for us boomers. Technology is moving extremely fast. Most adolescents obviously know much more about computers than most of their swinging parents and grandparents do. Otherwise conscientious parents might think that they are doing the best they can to cover their tracks with regard to swinging (obliterating search histories, not posting identifiable pictures, etc.), but unfortunately the kids know a lot more than many of their parents and grandparents do regarding computers.

 

What might look to us (boomers) as guards against the children finding out are more and more easily unlockable doors to information.

 

Last year my niece was grounded for a month and had restricted Internet privileges because she tried to access porn sites given to her by her schoolmates. She was 9 years old. The security set up by my (non-swinging) brother and his wife prevented her from seeing them on their home computers, but apparently some of her classmates were able to get access to these sites at their homes other through other avenues.

 

So, I'm saying, I agree that information about parents swinging should NOT be available to young children, but even with a lot of caution, some parents will be found out. The parents aren't always at fault.

 

And if we have Internet-savvy kids searching SLS, AFF, and other swinging sites for people in their respective areas -- and whether or not they ID their parents -- what does THAT mean?

[havefuninsun 122]

I guess I was about clear as mud.

 

How I read LFM2's message was that her daughter happen to be on AFF HERSELF, and came upon her profile. (That could be wrong, but that's how I read).

 

So, that's more my direction. Has anyone found your online profile because they, too, were browsing the sites?

 

An aside -- LFM2's daughter could very well be an adult, and have every right to be living her life the way she wants to. Our kids are young enough that they probably would NOT have profiles. But my sisters might, ya know?

 

We have our own computers in our house. I have a separate login account on my computer in case one of the kids want to use it, plus I'm anal about clearing history, etc.

 

SO -- had anyone else close to you (kids, etc.) found your profile online in their quest to find swingers?

[VegasLee 1,486]

Cafe10s said:

I think if your kids discovered you then shame on you. You should drag this kind of drama into their lives. You should all be so private. Should any one be discovered by their kids due to recognizable pictures on a profile or leaving a swingers web-site accessible on your computer then you got what you deserve.

 

Someone that feels kids should be lied to?

 

Ok, to keep it from our kids, I would have had them not watch T.V., read newspapers, magazines or listen to the radio.

 

No shame needed by anyone. You are leading your life and when and if it comes up honesty goes a long way in all relationships, even the ones with your kids.

 

I am glad we have always been OUT of the closet. I could never live with the fear my kids are going to "find out" about something I do.

 

I am not downing any of you for how you feel you have to live your life and this lifestyle but I can not sit back and have someone that knows nothing about any of us try to "shame" us into their way of thinking either. That is total nonsense.

 

You raise your kids, I will raise mine.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Someone that feels kids should be lied to?

 

Ok, to keep it from our kids, I would have had them not watch T.V., read newspapers, magazines or listen to the radio.

 

No shame needed by anyone. You are leading your life and when and if it comes up honesty goes a long way in all relationships, even the ones with your kids.

 

I am glad we have always been OUT of the closet. I could never live with the fear my kids are going to "find out" about something I do.

 

I am not downing any of you for how you feel you have to live your life and this lifestyle but I can not sit back and have someone that knows nothing about any of us try to "shame" us into their way of thinking either. That is total nonsense.

 

You raise your kids, I will raise mine.

 

Your a very wise man Lee

[LFM2 1,482]

Ok... Just setting the record straight. I haven't read any other posts -- so I'm shooting from the hip.

 

Yes, our oldest daughter (mine by another relationship, Dave is her step dad) who is an adult 27 years old, found our profile. (We don't show our faces on our profile, but she noticed the furniture and the walls.) Out of the three of our children, this one we believe, can handle it the best. She's always been a little bit of a wild child Also, we pride ourselves on having a very good relationship with our children, but it did require a little explanation so she knew it wasn't a cheating situation or that her dad and I didn't love each other anymore or were bored with each other. Everyone should know, who's been in this lifestyle long enough, that it's about selflessness, not selfishness. We really weren't that horrified that she found out. We have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. It's just that we don't tell our kids about our sex life and it's none of their business.

 

When we were done sitting over a pot of coffee, she said she did understand and she knows she is free to ask questions and we'll answer any questions she might have. There has been only been one drawback to her knowing. Since she knows, her boyfriend of many years thinks this is a good reason to be a little more touchy feely -- something I'm definitely not comfortable with. He now knows better. (Dave and I had to have a little talk with him to make that clear.)

 

She has sworn secrecy to her other siblings on the condition that since I brought her into this world, I can also take her out. (Just kidding!! I know that there are some out there that won't get that OLD joke!) The other two wouldn't be devastated, but they would probably have a harder time understanding. We've lived our lives for them for the past 27 years. We now feel it's our turn and we'll live it like we want.

 

Dave and I are extremely happy where we are in life. If the other two ever found out, I guess we'd have the same talk with them as well. I'm not going to dwell on anything that hasn't happened yet.

 

Holly

[LFM2 1,482]

I think if your kids discovered you then shame on you. You should drag this kind of drama into their lives. You should all be so private. Should any one be discovered by their kids due to recognizable pictures on a profile or leaving a swingers web-site accessable on your computer then you got what you deserve.

 

Huh. I'm not sure what I deserve, but I do know what I have!

 

I have the three greatest adult kids anyone could hope for.

 

Yes, they are all over the age of 18. If they find our profile, so what? The world will continue to turn. We have nothing to be ashamed of.

 

Our youngest still lives at home and we all use separate computers, so finding something on one isn't a big worry to us.

 

To be fair, I agree with you if someone has younger children. It should be private.

[des1re06 200]

Ours (almost 18) found our ad.

 

They just said "cool" and nothing else. My daughters have mostly been interested in the bi aspect.

 

We speak openly and honestly about everything. Sexuality is not "dirty" in this household.

 

Agree with Lee. You raise your kids and I'll raise mine.

 

 

Mrs. D

[WesternSwing 504]

I think our two older daughters (both teenagers) know. They've seen too many time where Mrs. WS and I have been in my home office "balancing the checkbook" on the computer and they weren't allowed to come in. In the past four years we've had a number of new friends we didn't have before, we go to parties and clubs all the time now, many of them themed so we leave wearing theme clothing. They've walked in my office on occasion when I've been posting here or on a swinger's site and I minimize the browser quickly, but you can still see the description on the button on taskbar, they've broken into Mrs. WS's toy box and seen all the toys, etc.

 

But, if they know they haven't said anything. I think as long as we're happy, solid, not fighting all the time like their friend's parents, etc., that is all they really care about. They know we are very sexual people, but like others have said, they don't want to think about us having sex at all much less know the mechanics of it.

 

My step-brother and his wife know about us. Mrs. WS's dad knows about us. I think my dad may but won't say anything, but then again he and my mom had an open relationship in the 70's and 80's (I recognize what they look like now ). Some of our friends know. None of our neighbors do. We tell those that can handle it and don't tell those that can't. If they find out we'll cross that bridge then. We're taking precautions that they don't, but we're not panicked about it either.

[graygo98 148]

I have devoted a large part of my life to my kids, to their care and upbringing. If I had to I would give my life for my kids. But, I am going to lead my life my way.

 

We are discreet and do not flaunt swinging. If they discovered this part of our lives that we prefer to keep private, (just like we keep intimacy between ourselves private) I would not deny it, or act like I had been caught in something nasty or immoral. I'd probably tell them that the details are really none of their business but be willing to talk frankly to them about their views on it and my own.

 

They would hardly be devastated, they are too well grounded for that. My daughter, who is 15 going on 23 would most likely think the whole thing is just ridiculous, just like she finds the concept of her geezer dad going out dancing is. For my 18 year old son it would likely be a "whatever". He has many far more interesting and important things going on in his own life than getting fussed about my "hobbies".