Why don't swingers have their own symbol?

[Guest winnme]

Just thinking we should have a necklace or a ring we can wear in public so other swingers would know if they saw you out somewhere, and maybe would like to talk or maybe ask you out for a date or something LOL.

[sc4play 17]

I think there is one...but for some reason I can;t seem to remember where I saw it..maybe someone else can recall

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

There are a few actually, but none that are really universal. The closest to univeral is the apple with a bite-out put out by NASCA. There are a couple of others around that use other symbols, one is a chameleon, can't remember the others.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Guess we'll have to design a chameleon eating an apple.

[cubnamy1995 124]

I have been campaigning for this a long time. But, we just can't get folks to agree on something. My only issue with the NASCA apple is that it is copyrighted, and you have to pay $50 for a membership to get a pendant, and nothing else is offered. I have a link to a company that does the chameleon, and they have lots of products available, but again, we can't get folks to agree. Maybe we should start a campaign and send it to the swing sites, (AFF, SLS, SDC, etc.) to advertise it. That seems to be the only way we will have a mostly universal symbol.

[MRnMSbhaven 45]

The ying-yang seems to get a lot of attention too. I know Swapp Watch has something out there but I've never seen one on another human.

Other than getting "Swinger of Lifestyle" tattooed on my forehead, I guess we'll just have to stick to play-dar.

[cubnamy1995 124]

Maybe we just need something more subtle. I had once thought of something like a hard plastic ring worn on the right pinky. They could be color coded to tell others what they are into. Maybe:

 

Blue - Soft swap straight

Green - Soft swap bi females

Yellow - Full swap straight

Red - Full swap bi females

 

It could be easily removed depending on the situation, would not have much cost associated with it, and it is extremely discreet. Maybe simple is better.

[Guest winnme]

I really like your idea and I think that it would be great. We are always out and see people and wonder if they swing. So, by having a ring like you stated would eliminate a lot of problems and/or issues. So, our thing is, how would we get something like that done?

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

cubnamy1995 said:

Maybe we just need something more subtle. I had once thought of something like a hard plastic ring worn on the right pinky. They could be color coded to tell others what they are into. Maybe:

 

Blue - Soft swap straight

Green - Soft swap bi females

Yellow - Full swap straight

Red - Full swap bi females

This sounds like those rings that were so popular in the 70s. I bought a TON of them in different colors.

 

Dang! I wish I hadn't thrown them all away.

[Swing*8701 887]

You could use one like the attached graphic. This is a fundamental representation of two couples. The darker shade represents the male, the lighter the female. The thick line represents the stronger ties, the thinner line ties less strong. The thin line crosses to the opposing gender.

 

Of course thin lines can be added for bisexual play, etc. You could have multiple tiles to express other goals. This basic graphic does keep it simple.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Edison~

 

I love that design. Clean, straightforward, and once you know the "code" it's so easy to understand.

 

Think of all the colors you could work with.

 

Thanks for posting the picture!

[Pepper & Drew 384]

Hey, I already have a ying/yang tattoo! If that's decided on, I'm all set.

 

Seriously, I like the symbol that Edison Carter came up with. Very subtle.

[cubnamy1995 124]

As for the rings, I just thought it would be an cheap, easy, discreet way to identify others. It doesn't have to be that kind of a ring, we would just agree that we would wear a particular-colored ring on, say, the right pinky finger. What do you guys think?

[cubnamy1995 124]

My only thought about that is it requires us to patronize one particular business. I was looking at something more general. Remember when in the 80s you were thought to be a gay man if you had an earring in your right ear? Same concept. Something subtle and general that we could all exercise in our own way. It could anything, I just know that unless somebody says, "OK, we're going to do this", then it will never get done.

 

Maybe we should hire a PR firm.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

Hmmm... not sure about that. I'm not really a jewelry person to begin with, and other then wedding bands, neither Amelia or I can wear any when we're working anyway. Not that I'm sure we WOULD want to wear it when we're working. Could get a little... awkward.

 

I think that the problem is getting everybody on board. There really isn't any "swinger authority" that could coordinate such a thing.

[socolais 696]

I'm thinking that there won't be a universal symbol until more swingers come out of the closet.....

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I bought the anklet from nipplecharms with the MFMF symbols.

 

Mrs two4you has one of those as well.

 

We also bought the MFMF temporary tattoos from nipplecharms. She occasionally puts one on the lower back of her neck on party night.

[cubnamy1995 124]

I like those, but I wish they had one where the four symbols overlap each other on a single pendant, like they have on swingers t-shirts at cafepress.

[cubnamy1995 124]

Or maybe we should just all wear t-shirts with a picture of Austin Powers on it. LOL

[VegasLee 1,486]

I was thinking a nice T-Shirt that says;

 

"I Party Naked!"

 

It gets the point across.

[NandDinDayton 26]

Wasn't SLS promoting the Chamelon thing a few years ago? You could order a different color for what you were into, something like the gay/lesbian communities rainbow pin. I think on the rainbow you had to look at the color code of lines to know what the person was into. I thought I saw this once, maybe I was dreaming.

[cuzzeyesaidso 31]

Not to bring any negativity to the topic since I have have wished for years for a way to easily recognize and be recognized by other lifestylers. I have seen this topic come up in many forums and groups on the web and never really take off. It seems the biggest obstacle is players in the game (at least the ones we know) don't want to be identified unless it's in some sort of lifestyle setting like a party or club.

 

I also foresee any type of symbol or other mark to call our own quickly becoming a novelty for the general public and before you know it, our teenage kids are wearing rainbow chameleon logos on their clothes without having a clue what it means. it would help if we had some sort of a system like the Free Masons but then it would be to damn difficult and people would start their own little groups and systems up and we'd end back up where we are now with nothing universal. The logo idea eems the best option for swing parties and stuff, but I don't see it going any further than that.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

I do have to agree. When I'm out in vanilla society, it's because I'm running errands, or Amelia and is out for some fun, or out with friends (Lifestyle or vanilla), or a million other reasons. But in any case, we're not looking to meet new playmates.

 

And even if we were... how would you handle that when you bumped into another swinger who's out and about like you? Exchange business cards and a knowing glance?

[BiloxiCouple 695]

And even if we were... how would you handle that when you bumped into another swinger who's out and about like you? Exchange business cards and a knowing glance?

 

We've run into swinger friends at Wal-Mart and other places. Worked with a few. Treated them like friends or people we know well:blush:

 

I work in a casino and we see lots of people trying to let their down when they are away from home. I saw one guy with a Hedo shirt on and asked him about it. He acted guilty/ashamed of wearing it? I figure if you wear it then talk about it? I have worn different swinger shirts to another job before and they were indiscreet. Had my boss at the time ask about it because he figured out what it was. Within a couple of weeks they were at the local club for the first time ever in a club!!!

 

I guess when most people are in the vanilla world they aren't worried about swinging and probably don't want to talk about it at Wal-Mart. There is a few of us that isn't an issue with most of the time.

 

The MF symbols are great if you are at the club. In the real world if you wear it then it would bring up obvious questions because of the type of symbol. Are you ready for that? The NASCA symbol is also great and can be worn in the vanilla world because it is only an apple with a bite out of it. I always thought that represented the original sin in my opinion.

 

Maybe we could use the fig leaf? Close to the orignal sin issue? Just an idea. Or just ask NASCA if there is a possibility of using theirs somehow? No since reinventing the wheel.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

Maybe I should have been a little bit more clearer. I was actually talking about if we wore some sort of identifying marks that announced to those "in the know" what we were swingers, and you bumped into somebody who was in the Lifestyle that you didn't already know. How would you react with this? Would you approach and introduce yourself? Wait for them to talk to you? Exchange secret handshakes?

 

"Hi. I couldn't happen to notice that you and your wife have a fondness for Big Macs and Quarter Pounders. And your selection of soda was very wise."

 

"Huh? Whatcha talking about pal? (spies "swinger symbol") Aaaahhhh..."

 

"So... would you like to share our McNugget's at our place?"

[yuvaraja 17]

The symbol would become fashionable and lose its purpose pretty fast.

 

Example: Women with playboy shirts on are usually pretty prudish.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The symbol would become fashionable and lose its purpose pretty fast.

 

Example: Women with playboy shirts on are usually pretty prudish.

 

That is definately a possibility, a lot comes down to how it is made available... you can pick up a Playboy shirt at pretty much any store in the mall nowadays.

 

The biggest issues that I see that have probably kept any symbol from really catching on is not getting it out to people. There have been a handful of symbols that have tried to be "the" swinger symbol, but until you get the bulk of the "leaders" in the lifestyle to accept one and promote it, nothing is going to happen. From there, it's a matter of making sure that is only available through lifestyle sources. Will some non-swingers find them and think they are cool, possibly - but it's important to make it clear to the purchaser what the symbol means if they are wearing it... and again it's not something you want to make available in public (VANILLA) venues. So that leaves us back to you not only have to create a unique symbol that people will wear but you have to market it to the leaders in the lifestyle to get them to accept it and promote it to the general swinger population.

[yuvaraja 17]

That is definately a possibility, a lot comes down to how it is made available... you can pick up a Playboy shirt at pretty much any store in the mall nowadays.

 

The biggest issues that I see that have probably kept any symbol from really catching on is not getting it out to people. There have been a handful of symbols that have tried to be "the" swinger symbol, but until you get the bulk of the "leaders" in the lifestyle to accept one and promote it, nothing is going to happen. From there, it's a matter of making sure that is only available through lifestyle sources. Will some non-swingers find them and think they are cool, possibly - but it's important to make it clear to the purchaser what the symbol means if they are wearing it... and again it's not something you want to make available in public (VANILLA) venues. So that leaves us back to you not only have to create a unique symbol that people will wear but you have to market it to the leaders in the lifestyle to get them to accept it and promote it to the general swinger population.

 

Two words: tattoos and internet

 

It'd become 'cool.' That said, outside of largely populated, cosmopolitan areas, it would be very useful as slang symbols get to other areas pretty late. There are still people in Middle America who have no clue what a purple triangle is.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

There have been a handful of symbols that have tried to be "the" swinger symbol, but until you get the bulk of the "leaders" in the lifestyle to accept one and promote it, nothing is going to happen.

 

That, of course, begs the question who the "leaders" are. Swingers tend to be a pretty... independent lot.

 

There are still people in Middle America who have no clue what a purple triangle is.

 

That being said, the gay community generally is cool with being identified by straight folks as being gay. Being gay is more or less accepted, or at least tolerated, in vanilla society.

 

Can't say the same with us. I don't want to be identified as a swinger when I'm out and about.

[yuvaraja 17]

Chris&Amelia said:

That, of course, begs the question who the "leaders" are. Swingers tend to be a pretty... independent lot.

 

That being said, the gay community generally is cool with being identified by straight folks as being gay. Being gay is more or less accepted, or at least tolerated, in vanilla society.

 

Can't say the same with us. I don't want to be identified as a swinger when I'm out and about.

 

A t-shirt with an "official swinger" symbol would be a hot seller, my friend.

[shymxcpl 71]

Tthere was a very valid point brought out by socolais. Swinging is not yet even considered for acceptance by most people. There would first have to be universal tolerance (at least) for lifestylers to start showing their colors.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think the general idea of most who want a "Symbol" is not to show their colors to the world but just to identify others who swing without it being blatent to the rest of the world.

[shymxcpl 71]

Thing is, we wouldnt be comfortable to have people identify us just yet (publicly at least). It's not that we feel ashamed of the way we are, but we know that most of the people around us would not understand. It's just easier to tell people what they want to hear.

 

We do envy some of you that are out-o-the-closet and have no problems with the people around you.

 

In our small minded world swinger is almost like saying child molester (I'm not making it up... it has come up).

[Hot Raleigh Cpl 164]

We'd love to have a symbol so we could recognize others like us. Absent one, L and I often ask each other stuff like "did you see that couple over there? do you think they...?" Naturally, without something more concrete than our curiosity, we're not about to ask them.

 

We agree, though. In time, "our" secret symbol would become cool ... and meaningless.

 

A secret handshake might be more accurate, but not very practical: who the heck shakes hands with everyone at the mall?

[tncinmd 55]

Thing is, we wouldnt be comfortable to have people identify us just yet (publicly at least). It's not that we feel ashamed of the way we are, but we know that most of the people around us would not understand. It's just easier to tell people what they want to hear.

 

We do envy some of you that are out-o-the-closet and have no problems with the people around you.

 

In our small minded world swinger is almost like saying child molester (I'm not making it up... it has come up).

 

Easy pickins. First you say, "I didn't know, I just thought it looked cute". Then you hit 'em with the killer, "Just how did you know it was a symbol for swingers ?"

[CoupleBr 15]

Hi guys & gals,

 

Nice to see that others share the same wish.

We always use these two symbols to show our lifestyle. Would it be a good idea to get them in some kind of jewelry?

 

Kisses from The Netherlands!

Alanon & Brin

Couple Brabant

[oncewere 84]

Our club did have two symbols that made absolutely no sense to anyone outside. My wife and I met with several people because of the pendant (Nickle with the year of our joining. Not very expensive but effective) or car window card(easily removed). What do you do when you meet someone with the magic marker? Walk up and say Hi, what's the date on your nickle? Then you shoot the breeze about your experiences and if it seems right you make arrangements for a get-together. My visit in Big Spring Texas was a good example (in the swinger story section). Barb would choose whether to wear the pendant out or under her blouse. I usually carried it in my pocket, especially at work.

A two bit piece might have the wrong connotation, but who knows?

 

For a while we used a little pin on button that had the word JERKS with a diagonal line through it. That worked until vanilla people liked it and it got away from us.

 

It was a great way to meet like minded people. Just bite the bullet (or apple), somebody, and do it. Make it inexpensive so that if it gets away from the community, it can easily be replaced.

[WesternSwing 504]

That being said, the gay community generally is cool with being identified by straight folks as being gay. Being gay is more or less accepted, or at least tolerated, in vanilla society.

Funny too, because some of them can be the most judgmental about others, though they want to be openly accepted by society themselves. Case-in-point, Mrs. WS and I were at an off-premise club party one night and we were sitting on the deck overlooking the entrance to the club and parking lot. Mrs. WS pointed out a guy coming in with his friends that we knew because he worked at a store in the mall our kids frequent for the newest punk fashions, he is openly gay and Mrs. WS and him always talk when we're in there. As fast as he came in, he was leaving and as he passed the deck Mrs. WS asked him "hey so-and-so, where are you going?" He responded back "I didn't know it was swinger's night here! You guys are sick!"

 

So the same guy that flies a equality sticker for GBLT rights on his car was condemning us for our sexuality. Go figure. Don't know if I'd want a swinger symbol on my car for this very reason.

 

Barb would choose whether to wear the pendant out or under her blouse. I usually carried it in my pocket, especially at work.

The thing here is you still chose when to display it or not, which means many to whom the symbol might mean something never saw it because you only displayed it when you felt safe displaying it.

 

One big problem with any symbol is eventually the general vanilla public will find out what it is and some of them will ostracize you for your sexuality choice. You can only keep the symbol private amongst swingers for so long. And believe me, they are already looking for any possible symbol with which to identify and single-out swingers for public gossip and judgment. Do a Google or Yahoo! search for "swinger symbol" and you'll come-up with many hits from forums where the topic is "I think my neighbors are swingers, how can I tell?" and people chime in with everything from the kind of car they drive to the clothes they wear to their landscaping choices.

 

I don't think I'm ready for that kind of public scrutiny about my sex life.

 

On a lighter note, we've discovered that our Pagan/Wiccan Pentacle is seen by many as a "swinger/open relationship" symbol. You'd never believe the number of men that message Mrs. WS on Facebook or MySpace and hit on her because being Pagan in their minds also means we screw around with other people and they want a piece of her. They have actually said "well, I assumed you had an open marriage because you are Pagan." So to many I guess, wearing our pentacles or having the sticker on our cars instead of the ichthys fish symbol is advertising we have an open relationship. Right now that is enough advertising for us.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

On a lighter note, we've discovered that our Pagan/Wiccan Pentacle is seen by many as a "swinger/open relationship" symbol.

 

During a cult awareness seminar, the instructor brought up Satanism. Out here in the woods, occasionally an officer walking around will bump into a group of Satanists, or more accurately, wannabe Satanists, and there have been some officer injuries.

 

The point the instructor was trying to make was that it's the wannabe Satanists who are generally dangerous. When going over "Satanist symbols", an upside-down Pentacle (Pentagram) was shown. Somebody remarked that he had seen a couple of people with wearing this design, and that "I never thought they were Satanists!'.

 

The instructor, to his credit, corrected the officer, stating that was he saw was most likely a Pentacle, which is a symbol of the Wiccan faith, and not Satanism. This sidetracked us in Wicca, where many people demonstrated the belief that Wiccans had "weird naked rituals" and "moonlight orgies in the woods". Having a couple of Wiccan friends myself, I just shook my head and made clarifications where I could.

 

So, yeah, I can see why you guys get this...

[BiloxiCouple 695]

The real reason we don't have a universal swingers symbol is nobody really cares.

 

You have several hundred clubs operating individually. Hundreds of online social groups. A few lifestyle organizations. None of them really care to get together and make up a symbol.

 

I think that is the basic reason. Nothing else.

[Cpl2share 147]

Being a coin collector this one just came to me:

The US Mint may have given us a perfect option in this. We could all make a pendant of some sort be it a bracelet charm, necklace, lapel pin, etc. with our state quarter on it. This would only apply to the US, but it would work great. Yes, some vanillas would also jump on the band wagon, but think of the options:

1. You can wear it anywhere. If someone asks you can just say that you really liked the design for your state.

2. Eventually every state will have a specific design, and you can get your state in your state.

3. You do not have to order it, you just got o the bank and get it. Everyone knows someone who can braze a link on it to hang from a chain or put a pin on it.

4. It only costs a quarter so if it does catch on with the vanilla world or you decide to quit swinging, you pull off the link and spend it.

5. You can tuck it in a pocket, or under your shirt any time you want to hide it.

 

Just a sane idea from a crazy man

[Chris&Amelia 253]

I actually kinda like this idea. If you're the type who needs a meaning to the symbolism, it can be, uh, four quarters make up a dollar just like four people make up a two swinging couples, or something like that. Yeah, that's the ticket.

 

Plus, if you're thirsty, you, your partner, and your playmates can pool your resources to buy a bottle of your beverage of choice. It's a win-win!

[socolais 696]

Kool idea!!! How about two Liberty Dimes and a Roosevelt for an FMF preference (in a hot tub)

[MrGoran 16]

Awesome idea ! Will be easier to meet someone !

[knb2004 364]

Mrs. WS pointed out a guy coming in with his friends that we knew because he worked at a store in the mall our kids frequent for the newest punk fashions, he is openly gay and Mrs. WS and him always talk when we're in there. As fast as he came in, he was leaving and as he passed the deck Mrs. WS asked him "hey so-and-so, where are you going?" He responded back "I didn't know it was swinger's night here! You guys are sick!"

 

So the same guy that flies a equality sticker for GBLT rights on his car was condemning us for our sexuality. Go figure. Don't know if I'd want a swinger symbol on my car for this very reason.

 

Sorry to drag up an old dead thread, Julie referenced this one in a more current thread, and it seems I missed this one.

 

WS, I have to ask, based on this guys reaction, do you really care what he thinks?

 

We've gotten to the point that, outside of certain family members and work, we make little to no effort to hide our lifestyle. Not that we're walking around in "I swing" shirts (well, not every day anyway), but at the same time, anyone who would be judgmental about it simply has no place in our lives.

 

Our friends know, our neighbors know, just about every person we have a social relationship closer than an occasional "Hi, how are you?" knows, and were anyone to ever react judgmentally, they'd simply be no longer our friends.

 

Gay's went through the same discrimination we still endure, and the beginning of the end for them was when they decided, en masse, that they weren't going to hide it anymore, and whosoever didn't like it, tough shit. I think we swingers should consider adopting a similar attitude.

 

On edit, to comment on the universal swingers sign, I'd love to have one, my concern would be that it would become known among non-lifestylers. Not that I care about some stranger in the mall knowing what my bracelet, or ring, or whatever meant, but that non-lifestylers would start wearing it rendering it meaningless.

[Tara 16]

Love the idea of symbol! It would make life so much easier. I'm new to this but I suggest someone start a poll with several options that have been suggested. If nothing else, the members of Swingers Board would recognize each other!

[Vjklander 138]

The Black Rose is a BDSM club in DC and its symbol is, obviously, a Black Rose. Every year they have a big annual event. They often have extra shirts from previous years that didn't sell out for sale cheap. Since they are great heavy duty black tees, I usually pick up a bunch. If any 'nillas ask what the Black Rose is I just tell them I picked up a bunch of the shirts at a swap meet.

[WesternSwing 504]

knb2004 said:

Sorry to drag up an old dead thread, Julie referenced this one in a more current thread, and it seems I missed this one.

 

WS, I have to ask, based on this guys reaction, do you really care what he thinks?

 

We've gotten to the point that, outside of certain family members and work, we make little to no effort to hide our lifestyle. Not that we're walking around in "I swing" shirts (well, not every day anyway), but at the same time, anyone who would be judgmental about it simply has no place in our lives.

 

Our friends know, our neighbors know, just about every person we have a social relationship closer than an occasional "Hi, how are you?" knows, and were anyone to ever react judgmentally, they'd simply be no longer our friends.

 

Gay's went through the same discrimination we still endure, and the beginning of the end for them was when they decided, en masse, that they weren't going to hide it anymore, and whosoever didn't like it, tough shit. I think we swingers should consider adopting a similar attitude.

 

My point there was that for someone to be screaming for equal rights and be recognized for being different, it was pretty damn arrogant of them to judge us. And for the record, I have an equality sticker on the back of my car and fly it proudly. Even if someone like him will be judgmental, I won't. I will fight for his rights even though mine grosses him out. And if you knew me, you'd know I care very little what many people think of me.

 

Mr. WS

[knb2004 364]

A timely update on this topic. I just spoke with Mrs. knb, she had a late business dinner tonight and is now headed home. Well, it must have been quite the interesting conversation as it seems she outed herself to her coworkers. I haven't heard the full story yet, but it seems there wasn't so much as a single bad reaction. Perhaps we swingers have a tendency of being a tad overprotective of our secret identities.

 

In fact, now that I think about it, we have yet to have a single person who has responded negatively to the news.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

knb2004 said:

A timely update on this topic. I just spoke with Mrs. knb, she had a late business dinner tonight and is now headed home. Well, it must have been quite the interesting conversation as it seems she outed herself to her coworkers. I haven't heard the full story yet, but it seems there wasn't so much as a single bad reaction. Perhaps we swingers have a tendency of being a tad overprotective of our secret identities.

 

In fact, now that I think about it, we have yet to have a single person who has responded negatively to the news.

 

We outed ourselves to our co-workers years ago. We get more curiosity questions than you would believe. And a few have gotten involved. I think people as a general rule don't care what you do with your personal life.