Envy getting in my way

[kittyscave 125]

My husband I are looking forward to our first swinging experience. I am very excited and have been emailing back and forth with a couple whom we really like and with whom we seem to get along very well. We had intended to get together this past weekend, but life got in the way.

 

So, anyway, since we have been getting to know one another over the email, the other couple has posted new photos of her. Come to realize that she has an amazing body. She can't possibly be more than a size 4. I do not look terrible, but I have a few extra pounds and wear a size 8 (sometimes a small 10).

 

My concern is not that my husband will find her more attractive - I want him to be with someone he finds attractive. I'm not even as concerned about what her husband will think - although I am a little concerned. But I am concerned about what she will think. Will she feel bad for her husband having to be with me? Will it gross her out that I am not in as good shape as she is? I truly am more worried about a judgmental woman than a judgmental male. I had enough of petty girls in high school (yes, I know that was 25 years ago) to have left an emotional scar.

 

Does anyone understand where I am coming from? Should I just get to know her that much better first? Should I try to find a less physically threatening couple for our first? Should I drink more? Or do I simply need to lighten up and deal with it and try to relax (easier said then done for the first encounter I fear).

 

Thanks!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

You have started the conversation with this couple, you say that you like them, you should continue to develop the relationship and not worry about the dress size issue. I looked at a couple's profile for months and months thinking, "if I send them a note, they'll both fall off of their chairs and die laughing." No such thing happened. The are now among our best friends.

 

Welcome back to the Swingerboard, by the way. Hope we will see you around a lot.

 

Michael

[arvcpl 16]

As the husband of a gorgeous size 4 hottie I can say with great confidence that if someone dumped us because she was too good looking we would both be very hurt and we would think you were a pair of insecure, superficial imbiciles. We can accept if someone rejects us because they are not attracted to us or we do not meet their preferences or have done something that pisses them off but to be blown off because one of us is too good looking is not only silly it is insulting. By allowing your insecurities to get the best of you if you reject these people you are not only accusing them of being superficial and petty and judgemental but you are being the same thing that you are assuming they are. If you reject them due to appearances then you are the one being shallow and vain, not them. Pretty much every female we have ever played with has been less attractive than my wife and she has never once been "grossed out" or felt the least bit sorry for me. That is a completely ridiculous thing to say. Just because someone is attractive does not mean that they are shallow or vain or mean spirited towards those of different body types. Attractive people are capable of carrying on an inteligent conversation and are capable of being kind and compassionate and enjoy the company of others for a wide variety of reasons and interests. Not every beautiful women is a souless, egotistical bimbo like Paris Hilton or Britney Spears.

[socolais 696]

I can't agree more with arvcpl!!! Folks are into this for the variety of experiences and ya know, everyone's preferences are unique. If yall hook-up, there's a real good chance he sees something he likes in you,,, and wants to sample it. And if they're experienced swingers, she's quite unlikely to be thinking stuff like that about you. Don't let these kinds of thoughts steal the fun from your first encounter.

[bill&sabrina 22]

Love that response arvcpl. It probably won't be appreciated, because it isn't very pc. I think it's great none the less.

 

Bill

[kittyscave 125]

I do appreciate the replies - all of them. I also DO accept that the insecurities are mine and that, by no means are all attractive people superficial. Having not done this before, I did want some reassurance that the people I have met thus far are as genuine as they seem.

 

However, I have been on the other side as a physique competitor in the past and I know, first hand, that some people, beautiful on the outside, are not so much so on the inside. I am heartened to feel that the people here are as open minded and nonjudgemental as I had hoped and perceived them to be.

 

Thank you.

[knb2004 364]

Unless you've misrepresented who you are, physically or otherwise, I wouldn't worry about it.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

First off Welcome to the board. And to answer your question on why you can't post to the forums at the bottom of the list, those are Archive forums. They are where old threads go when they have lived their life but we feel that their information will still be useful to others (it makes it easier for them to find it later). With the active forums we like to keep things a little bit simpler, rather than expecting people to find just exactly the RIGHT forum to post their question in.

 

To answer your actual question. I do understand where you are coming from and I think that all of us women go through that insecurity at times, not necessarily with the same questions, but wondering "why would they want to be with me?" or thinking "they are too hot to want to be with me". As has been pointed out those insecurities belong to us and when it comes down to it if someone has expressed and interest in us, then get over it, they are interested. Might they change their mind when they meet you? Maybe, but does that mean it has anything to do with your size or looks? Doubtful, unless your photos are a terrible misrepresentation of who you are, or unless you meet them wearing a girdle and full set of Spanx.

[ncmd_couple 597]

This thread hits home with me. My bride to be is a BBW, not because she wants to be, but because of medical issues. I regularly see profiles that I am interested in, but pass them by because the female half of the couple is very attractive. Many of the profiles have preferences stated of HWP. I don't want my love to feel too inferior. It isn't meant as an insult to those who are more fortunate. But it is a reality. And the reality is that we have never had (yet) a couple with a beautiful woman by societies standards contact us yet. And that reinforces the fear of rejection. It is what it is.

 

S

[ncmd_couple 597]

Kittyscave,

 

I haven't looked at your full SLS profile, but by your profile pic your a very attractive woman. Don't worry about it babe, you will be fine!

 

S

[ViSexual 1,008]

Well, if they're agreeing to meet you two then they must like what they see in you, right?

 

And, just maybe, he enjoys being with a woman who isn't so petite for a change.

 

My wife is pretty well endowed in the breast department. I've enjoyed those breasts for 36 years now.

 

But, when I look at other ladies I much prefer women with very small breasts now.

 

And, the five couples we've been with in swinging, all the other wives had small breasts. I enjoyed those small breasts a lot. And, I also enjoyed watching the other husband go nuts over my wife's nice large ones.

 

Variety, right?

 

Relax and just have fun.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

I do appreciate the replies - all of them. I also DO accept that the insecurities are mine and that, by no means are all attractive people superficial. Having not done this before, I did want some reassurance that the people I have met thus far are as genuine as they seem.

 

However, I have been on the other side as a physique competitor in the past and I know, first hand, that some people, beautiful on the outside, are not so much so on the inside. I am heartened to feel that the people here are as open minded and nonjudgemental as I had hoped and perceived them to be.

 

Thank you.

 

 

I see your point kittyscave. I am just wondering though, How experianced is the couple you are wanting to meet ?

[sweet_tna 680]

You're human, and it's normal to feel a little insecure. But if you let those insecurities stop you from meeting a couple that you're interested in, you won't get far. I'm a not so svelte gal myself, and yes, we've played with women *I* consider more attractive than me. My dear, Sweet husband swears that it's not possible, bless his heart.

 

But one thing my honey and I have found to be true is that personality and attitude make a heckuva' lot of difference. So try to relax and enjoy yourselves. Don't worry about who wears what dress size. That said, I perved your profile and think you're very attractive. I think the other gal has way more to worry about.

 

=)

[robnsusan60 43]

My wife expressed almost word for word what your concerns are. She was the only bad critic she ever had, read that again, please. One benefit to getting to know someone with chat and emails is that you get to know the person before you see the wrapper, and the person is way more important. I was surprised many times over at guys my wife found attractive, but she was using a different standard than I was, I was thinking Clint Eastwood and she was thinking 'nice guy, considerate, etc.', but she did have a thing for Clint too.

 

Just from your post I have a very good feeling about you. It's what her mind's eye sees, not what your imagination and fears sees. I'm thinking that she will be fine with what her husband/partner sees. I could care less what the guy looked like, just that she was with someone she enjoyed being with.

 

So, yeah, lighten up and go with it.

[hoornycouple 15]

Thanks everyone for your honesty. You all seem very, very sincere.

[shymxcpl 71]

Everytime I see an unbelievably gorgeous woman, I always think that somewhere out in the world, there's a guy who's sick of her.

 

So put your insecurities aside please. They are very UN-Sexy, and judging solely by your SLS pic... Unsexy doesn't become you.

[kittyscave 125]

Funny story - I have been e-mailing the husband of the couple we will meet tomorrow night and he stated that his wife was actually nervous about meeting me!!! Go figure!!

 

But now I do feel better.

Thanks again everyone.

[WeMayTryIt 120]

Everytime I see an unbelievably gorgeous woman, I always think that somewhere out in the world, there's a guy who's sick of her.

This reminds me of the movie Pulp Fiction, where Uma Therman makes the same sentiment: "Show me a beautiful woman, and I'll show you a man who's tired of ****ing her." Variety is indeed the spice!

[wasted2008 60]

I myself dont want to play with a couple that is insecure. Ive already met one ticked off wife. No thanks. I dont look at couples as a pissing match but feel there are many that do. I also dont look at my playmates any diffrent then my hubby. I come home to hubby thou most everynite. Hubby has had a few issues with my playmates thou but he is growing to the idea. I am very open and try not to hide anything yet we still have a dont ask dont tell policy. I will never ask him if some other girl was better then me unless i truely want the answer. In return he never asks me if I play with my play mates he just asks where we went. And if he asks a question im sure he doesnt want the answer to ill tell him are you sure you want to know. He usually says no.Its all good it works for us.

[RoadTramp 15]

One of the clubs we go to is BBW friendly. It is also a 35 YO age limit. This allows people to be relaxed without having to worry about what people think about size, age, etc...we've all been in the Lifestyle for 10+ years so there's a lot of communication and if you hit a wall with a question, there's always someone around who's been there, done that, who can assist with a new point of view.

 

That said, you've already communicated online, w/pictures so there are no false pretenses here. They are agreeable to you and the reasoning is that they like the combination of what they've read and seen. It's a package that you've put together that is presented as a fun couple who is comfortable with themselves and want to share that fun with others, and not just sexually. The groundwork you've laid will lead to a friendship that can last for years.

 

OK, I'll shut up now...