Are you a Swinger?

[tittietwister 126]

No, we don't define ourselves as swingers. Our objective is light-social poly relationships - meaning an emotional connection. That separates us from swingers which we define as people focused only on recreational sex.

[VegasLee 1,486]

In the new round of definitions for "Swingers" it appears that many are saying this only couples can be Swingers now.

 

Singles are only in it to get laid, have a good time and make some friends by one definition I saw. Is that not the same thing that couples are in this Lifestyle for?

 

By the general attitude it can be assumed that most feel a single man is not a swinger but how about Single women since they are well accepted and sought after in this lifestyle?

 

 

If it was brought up at an office that a single women went to a Swingers Party would the reaction be the same as a single man going to one? "Damn no wonder he is single." In the "normal" world I don't think so. I believe it would be "she is a single slut that will do anyone." Double Standard but the other way with the women? Guys are Studs in the single normal world, women are sluts in the single normal world."

 

Before the "Lifestyle" came to be Swinging the "accepted definition" was "Recreational Sex between consenting adults". That was many years ago when Sex outside of marriage was not accepted as it is today. Even in today's world MOST people would not be or want to be a Swinger, single or married. We meet many guys that would never think of going to a Swingers party. Many seem to feel "All single men will hit any pussy." But I don't see that is true. Many, Many single men will not come to swing parties or party with swingers.

 

Something else that got my attention. Laura and I agreed between each other to be in this Lifestyle. We agreed to always be honest and truthful with each other. We agreed that we do this for recreational sex, not to replace or repair any other needs within our relationship. When Laura wants to play with someone, be it a couple, women or man she does not need or ask for my permission. The people she is playing with also do not need my permission to play with her. No single or couple have ever been required to "interview" with me or get my permission to play with Laura, that is always up to her and her alone who she plays with.

 

Maybe being a swinger is just thinking different about "recreational sex" differently then the "normal people" in this world. Nothing really to do with being single or a couple.

[Bama0468 93]

I consider us swingers, we full swap, we soft swap, we watch on occasion, and have been watched.

 

As for what or whom a swinger may or may not be, I think you must consider HOW and WHY the person got started. yes there are singles that are in it just to notch the bed post and those are most certainly ones I hate seeing mail from, they are pushy and rude, to me THEY are NOT swingers.

Now the other side are those who enjoy the sex, are in it not only for the sex but for the comradery, the socializing with like minds. They are polite, considerate and respectful.

 

That's my opinion, is it all encompassing, hardly, Is it accurate, possibly. Lets not forget, it is an opinion and I am human.

[widowerman 55]

You know it’s funny…but I’m a swinger but single white male who can partner with my female when need be, which by the way I find that term of female degrading both to her and me, anyway I can go to a certain meeting and I can go alone when ever I want. The hostess and host make sure there is always a female there for me. I don’t know, maybe I’m just that kind of guy. I’m good at what I do; I’ve had many compliments from the lovely ladies all the time. I think of all the women as lovely, why not? They are. The men I see there make very little sense to me. They try too hard on something that is very natural. Why is that? Sex is fun, but there is always more because all people are interesting. I like to meet the people, women and men. I am strictly straight but I find the people interesting. But as my partner said, “Don’t try to understand the swinger people. It will give you a headache”.

 

By the way I am also a beach going nudist in New Jersey. Apparently, not only are there nudist there, they are also a bunch of swingers too! The pickings are also very good.

 

I just started swinging last summer and I am pushing my early 50’s. At times I think them 50’s are pushing back. But I’ve stayed in shape and was married for 26 years, 3 months and 10 days, hence my handle.

One question; Why is my partner who has been a swinger for 30+ years so jealous of me? If I were to find an extra partner she would freak out. Why is that? How do you handle that?

[CXXC 435]

It seems that people, by and large, need to define themselves and their activities. Everyone likes to label. If this were not true, outside of the need for communication, the dictionary would be useless.

 

There is an issue with the lifestyle. That issue is the lack of a specific and exact naming convention. (Sorry! I am a computer geek) I am only newly entering the lifestyle myself, however, in my search for definition of what my wife and I are, we have come across so many stumbling blocks in this quest.

 

"We are what we are" is a fine sentiment. However, it leaves too much to the imagination. Think of those who do go to the clubs and consider themselves swingers simply for having gone. To them, they are swinging vicariously.

 

Again, a consortium of like minded individuals throughout the lifestyle community would do well to set up a specific set of standards and ideals which would dictate who and what a swinger is.

 

This standard would prove problematic however. As virtually everyone views their activities and involvement differently. This standard would need to be less generalized and more linear in its labeling. This would cause the number (Statistically speaking) of defined swingers to drop in count as well as more people would be defined as anything but “Swingers”.

 

Again, these are just the thoughts of a newbie. However, like most people in the world, I name things and define my actions with a label in order to be better understood by those around me.

 

Now there are my two cents.

[Bama0468 93]

Swinging is the lifestyle (if you want to put it that way) and all else would seem to fall with in it

 

What are you into?... We are full swap swingers. or we are soft swingers, voyeurs, etc.

 

I think that's why we are what we are, you may start out one and decide to "evolve" to another, for instance I started out watching, watching my wife enjoy and I remember feeling like Man that looks like fun, but I was nervous about it all, I then tinkered with soft swing, being still nervous or scared I withdrew again, until I was comfortable with full swap and then I was still nervous, but not as much.

 

what brings us all together is an openness about sex in general, the recreation, the pleasure of it, and the fact that we can and do evolve as time and experience opens those doors and we grow in comfort with ourselves and admit to what desires/fantasies we may actually have and share those with our partners, which in turn allows us to expand within ourselves and with out mates.

[two42lovers 273]

By figuring out (as a group) what words to use, and what they mean, we create a framework to hang ideas upon. To talk about ideas, we need a framework so our words and ideas can be understood by others. Absent agreed upon terminology and definitions, we aren't going to get far.

 

Some don't care about such things, and only concern themselves about what something means to them. Nothing wrong with that at all, but of course the point of this thread is to discuss the different catagories of recreational sex, and figure out what people mean when they use the various terms.

[Bama0468 93]

Well then let me define what I "feel" they mean.

swingers- a commited couple involved in sexual activities outside of their own marriage ( commitment)

 

Swingles- Singles looking for NSA sex ( I don't concider friends a string, but a perk) with other singles or commited couples.

 

Soft swingers- those into making out, fondling, may include fingering/stroking but intercourse is only conducted with the partner (I.E. their spouse) they came with.

 

Voyeurs- Like to watch others involved in sexual activities

 

Exhibitionists- those who like to BE watched by others

 

Full Swap- Commited couples that swap,trade, barter, borrow each others spouse for a wide variety of sexual activities INCLUDING intercourse. These also might include select swingles in their activities.

 

Open marriages- couples who ussually only play seperate with their playmates and those of their own choosing ( and I ammend my thoughts on this here and there as more Open marriage couples post what it is and how it works in their minds and lives) With or with out their partners knowledge before or after the event. HOWEVER as it pertains to a swing LS the partner is informed usually after the fact.

 

BD/SM- I don't know enough about this branch to make a semi educated personal definition of this.

 

 

Am sure there is more"branches" of the LS but I can not think of them at this point.

[CXXC 435]

Having a definitive category to which one can associate their activities is much like being able to track ones progress in a scale or personal algorithm.

 

Let us use the belt system in the martial arts as an example. We all start out with a white belt. By moving forward in technique, proficiency and style we are given a different color which co-ordinates with a certain rank or "degree".

 

This is a very simplified approach to label and determine where you are on the scale.

 

I would say that the lifestyle could adopt a similar system for the classification of activities. I am not at all saying that everyone should color-code their activities. However, that would eliminate the guesswork in the clubs. What I do suggest is that specific activities would be associated with a certain term.

 

There is much confusion as to what constitutes soft swinging. Is oral part of it or no? Do you do this with your partner there or not? This middle ground in swinging should be dissected and set guidelines determined for classification.

 

Again, man/womankind prefers to have things neatly packaged and labeled. It makes our understanding of concepts and activities easier to grasp.

 

Another two cents…I guess that makes four. Stop me when I make $1.00.

[rpu3 630]

By figuring out (as a group) what words to use, and what they mean, we create a framework to hang ideas upon. To talk about ideas, we need a framework so our words and ideas can be understood by others. Absent agreed upon terminology and definitions, we aren't going to get far.

 

Some don't care about such things, and only concern themselves about what something means to them. Nothing wrong with that at all, but of course the point of this thread is to discuss the different catagories of recreational sex, and figure out what people mean when they use the various terms.

 

Yes, some don't care, and some only care what it means to them. Others would love the structure a label system or framework would provide. Perhaps it could be helpful overall.

 

I just don't think that you will get consensus for many subsets of alternative sex arrangements. For instance, I do not agree with Bama's definition of open marriage. I thought I was in an open marriage, but his definition has enough characteristics that do not jive with my definition. And I could be in any of his other categories at any particular time, depending on what I feel like doing, if I or we decide (at times) to swing. So, I'd end up being an outlier because I just can't pin myself down to any particular category of his, and don't meet his definition for what I think I am right now.

 

And then we could get into the whole "who is deciding on the definition?" I mean, if you aren't in an open marriage or aren't a full swap couple or a voyeur, do you really have a basis to define it for those who are actually in an open marriage or a full swap couple or a voyeur?

 

Or we could discuss the fact that not all humans want to be labeled; quite a few would prefer to live and let live, and leave the labels and limitations imposed by a definition out of their life and expression thereof.

 

It is certainly more flexible to not have a detailed definition system, but to simply remain in a broad category such as "swinger" or the other broad categories that exist to allow for personal expansion of ones boundaries and beliefs.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Funny, I just looked and we don't have a definition for "Swinger" in the Dictionary here. Go figure! We do have a defination for swinging and that is:

SWINGING

An alternative lifestyle for consenting adults who enjoy social, recreational sexual activities with others, most often on a couple-to-couple basis, with full knowledge and mutual consent of both partners; single men and women are sometimes involved.

 

That is pretty much what I use to determine things as they apply to this site, specifically clubs that attempt to submit themselves... and the swinger stories. The rule on the stories has always been a couple must be involved somewhere (even if they are swinging seperately... or if the story is told from the perspective of a single who is playing with them). Beyond that, there is no set definition. Swinging is by most definitions a large fully encompassing term that encompasses many FORMS of swinging. So then the question becomes, What kind of swinger are you?

[two42lovers 273]

The rule on the stories has always been a couple must be involved

 

Interesting. Is that because if a couple isn't involved somehow, it's simply recreational sex, and you don't consider it "swinging" per se?

[bellady 16]

IMHO.... swinging is when a couple has recreational sex with other couple(s) or singles. When a husband or wife plays alone I consider that an open marriage. When singles play I assume they are just looking to have sex and do not have a SO to fill their needs. I don't really label them as swingers.

[CXXC 435]

I pose this thought:

 

As every organization in the world forms, there are sets of rules, regulations and definitions that are upheld within that organization. These defining characteristics enable the organization to flourish and even recruit new members in charters, chapters or clubs.

 

These organizations are recognized by the world for what they stand for and believe. Set standards and even naming conventions are used to assist in the creation and building of these organizations.

 

Before the group can be held with respect in the public eye it must have a clearly outlined definition, organization and convention to guide and educate its members. If there is no guide or definition, it is looked at as unstable and destined to fail.

 

The fact that there are approximately 4-8 million swingers in the world should teach us something. Without a definitive structure and naming convention, there is no way to account for its members.

 

One standard, one set of rules; one convention would end the discussion of what and add to the numbers of who. Yes, this would be a long and arduous process that committees and /or a council of representatives would have to oversee. However, I would guarantee that the number of members would increase simply by organization.

 

I believe that makes six cents. .94 to go.

[VegasLee 1,486]

However, I would guarantee that the number of members would increase simply by organization.

I believe that makes six cents. .94 to go.

 

Or it would fail because you can't get people to agree on what a "swinger" is.

 

There has been a world wide org. for over 30 years. Founded by Dr. Robert McGinley.

 

He held conventions and parties for over 30 years. Fought the government for many of those years. He found the same thing. Everyone wants this lifestyle to be what they want it to be and no one could agree on anything.

 

Has the "Lifestyle" grown in those 30 years? Yes it has, with each new group wanting it to be something different then what it was ten years before.

 

Does not matter what any of us are called. This Lifestyle is about what works for you as long as you are not hurting others in the process.

 

Long, LONG ago Swingers" "Recreational sex between consenting adults." Was so simple but times have changed. For some.

[Bama0468 93]

Lets suffice it to say that because its a LIFE Style that it evolves. Does life stay static? no, it evolves with each new generation, whether it be by thought,physical or deed. In effect you would have to make a living document to define things, would that could change with each ne "generation" that came along.

 

Swingers for the most part like the spontaniousness of the LS and to sit and say this is the rules you have to follow in order to be this or that would not set well and as Julie likes to put it, make it more Contrived.

[SEXYCUBANCOUPLE 7]

We are ( exhibitionists-voyours-fetishes-flirts-teasers- love attention-3somes w/ women only-soft swingers ) we are not full swap ..

[CXXC 435]

I fully understand that the swinging lifestyle is in constant flux and evolution. I also understand that the lifestyle was formed and an organization was created for it. However, I believe, foolishly as some think, that set standards, conventions and definitions would help the community grow and better govern itself. It would also aid in the recording of actual numbers based upon collected information from the populous.

 

I also understand that this would be a most difficult undertaking. That being said, I fear that this is a pipe dream not to be realized within my lifetime.

 

isn't that 8 cents now? Wow! This stuff is really adding up!

[Bama0468 93]

What good would a accurate number give us? More freedom to be open due to mass numbers? More acceptance? I do not think so, in comparison the gay community although small at the time, or at least perceived as such) gained and is gaining more acceptance due to making noise, coming out if you will, despite the hardships the forerunners endured.

 

However! I do not think this would help the swinger as we could not fall into a category to give us benefits as other minority groups have (obese, handicapped, etc).

 

As Lee said there have been and has been folks trying for YEARS and failing to get those in the LS to commit to a firm definition, we are a relatively small group here and we can not agree on a set definition, imagine trying globally.

 

As long as there are differences (which is one reason we all like the lifestyle) there will be no solid consensus ( unless Uncle Sam gets involved, but do we really want him inserted into our sex life? I for one have no desire to be bent over and reamed by the government). what we likely should do is what we already do, stop over thinking and relish in our differences and enjoy each other company ( in any way that is pleasant and pleasurable) and do what the honorable club owners do, learn the rules of "society" and play by them while not breaking them (I.E. Lee and his lady can not play as long as they are running their biz, if they accepted money and then played that would throw them into, most likely, a prostitution charge if the government so pushed.

 

It also comes to mind that it may be the fact that we can not be so finitely defined that keeps the "laws" from be created to stile us.

 

and since we are keeping tally... what that for me now....50cents? I am going broke!

[velbuzz 17]

Swingers as a couple. In our mind its recreational sex.... when we have the time

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Interesting. Is that because if a couple isn't involved somehow, it's simply recreational sex, and you don't consider it "swinging" per se?

 

That is basically the determination I made when setting the ground rules for the stories section.

[Pensacolapair 394]

That is pretty much what I use to determine things as they apply to this site, specifically clubs that attempt to submit themselves... and the swinger stories. The rule on the stories has always been a couple must be involved somewhere (even if they are swinging seperately... or if the story is told from the perspective of a single who is playing with them). Beyond that, there is no set definition. Swinging is by most definitions a large fully encompassing term that encompasses many FORMS of swinging. So then the question becomes, What kind of swinger are you?

 

We agree that terms such as 'full swapper', soft swapper', 'watcher', etc are better used as indicators of chosen activity within the main category of 'Swinger'. So -- our answer to the OP is "Why Yes..we are"

 

In our society we seem to have a need for wrapping things up into neat, easy to handle bundles. We are much more comfortable with definative handles for everything..including things that by their very nature are difficult to pin down - but there is truth to the fact that we gotta call it something...and "That thing we do" is kinda clumsy!

 

In our opinion, swinging started out (and remains) as a couple-based activity - kind of a loophole for those who saw monogamy as an emotional concept instead of a sexual one. Singles got involved because in theory, 1 person is easier to add to the equation than 2 is. Most couples who have spent any time in the Lifestyle know that that theory isn't necessarily true. While admittedly we havn't been single for over 25 years, we havn't seen anything to lead us to belive that singles today are doing anything we didn't do. They aren't 'swinging'..they are just doing one of the things that single people do - having non-committal sex with different people they are attracted to. Generally, our society feels that if one is going to be promiscuous, the time to do it is when they are single. The only probable advantages in the 'swinging' lifestyle for singles are an additional emphasis on NSA and possibly reducing the logistics involved.

 

Our definition of 'swinging' is when a committed couple decides to physically involve others in their sex life to varying degrees. This is where we tend to disagree with how many define 'swinging'. We don't consider what your level of activity is as the determining factor in whether or not you are a 'swinger'. If the starting point is accepted societal sexual norms, to us it becomes rather simple. The accepted societal norm for sexual activity between a couple is behind closed doors and only involving said couple. We totally disagree with statements such as,"Soft-swappers aren't swingers" or "Folks into Watch-us-watch-you aren't really swingers". We even consider those who enjoy going to a club and simply soaking up the 'sexual vibe' and then going home and screwing each other into a coma to be 'swingers'. Our response to those who try to designate who the 'real swingers' are is to point out how it happens to work out that the only 'real swingers' are those whose level of activity happens to be the same as theirs.

 

Although there are constants within the 'swinging' culture, 'swinging' activity or style is by no means a static thing... nor should it be. People who start out as watchers, can decide to get into soft-swap. People who start out as soft-swappers can decide to full-swap. And yes, people who have been pretty much anything-goes-as-long-as-it-doesn't-result-in-defibrillator-use can decide to dial it back to just watching.. and it doesn't mean that they have to turn in their 'swingers' card!

 

As a side note, we are often suprised at how many people misconstrue and therefore bristle at the term 'Lifestyle'. Many see it as meaning something that dominates one's activities, incorrectly seeing the inference as being that they aren't interested in anything other than things sexual and the pursuit of same. Personally, we see the term 'Lifestyler' as interchangeable with 'swinger' for most applications.

[two42lovers 273]

This has certainly developed into an interesting thread.

 

That is basically the determination I made when setting the ground rules for the stories section.

 

Yes. I was just wondering how the line came to be drawn there, instead of the wider "recreational sex" idea.

 

I've tried in my own way to explore, a little bit, the differences between singles and couples in the lifestyle. But couples are only one of the categories. Our discussion is about types of people we might encounter in the lifestyle. By "types" we mean what and who they will and will not do sexually. Lee also invited us to share our thoughts about the subject.

 

Most of us already think in terms of sexual preferences and boundaries. Isn't it what this discussion about types and categories is really about? We use scales for gender preference: straight, bi-curious, bi, etc. Pretty much can't join a swing site without declaring for one or another. You also have to say if you prefer contacts from men, and/or women, and/or couples, and if you are looking for full, and/or soft, and/or no swap. The idea is to say the kinds of things you are interested in, so others who want the same can find you.

 

Picking a category for other people may be as simple as figuring out what they are looking for and how they go about it, but as we have seen there is nothing simple about picking a category for ourselves. Maybe it's because we are all dynamic, and evolving? The idea of boxing ourselves in with a rigid definition feels like we're limiting ourselves, and counter to the whole adventure.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

two42lovers said:

This has certainly developed into an interesting thread.

 

Yes. I was just wondering how the line came to be drawn there, instead of the wider "recreational sex" idea.

 

Probably because that was never what this site was about. When this site started (10 Years ago) it was "The Swingers Board & Gigalo Page" the latter referring to the single guys who posted their ads here (at the time it was an ad site). Everything I researched in swinging at the time told me that it was something that involved couples and that was the belief that I came to. Can singles be swingers? Yes, but they can't swing without a couple. Two singles having sex isn't swinging, therefore it doesn't really fit and stories involving two singles having sex wouldn't really turn on most people who are looking to read stories about "swinging". I think most who are looking for stories about "swinging" would agree with that.

[duskysub 18]

Ok, hubby and I are full swap swingers, play alone and together. BDSM is another lifestyle altogether. We are 24/7 in that one as well. One term you didn't mention here was polyamory but I saw a triad on the board so we might as well include it. We're into that to. He's a hedonist and I'm a nympho so I guess that explains it!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

good times said:

As far as defining swingers go, I still prefer the general, "those who have sex solely for recreational purposes."

 

Ok, so in that case, any couple with no intention of having children would be swingers - since if you aren't procreating the majority of your sex is recreational (with exceptions for sex/ love-making just to share/show love).

[Lightenup 15]

This has been a very interesting discussion and topic. Both of us have really enjoyed all of the posts.

 

But, that got us to wondering about what our status was back when we first started swinging in college. Since we didn't always both play on the same nights for several reasons, did we just have an open marriage and were not really swinging? Did we only become swingers later on when we decided for convenience to only play together?

 

Finally, what is our status now since it has been a couple of years since our last encounter? Are we now ex-swingers who are wanting to become active again, but just have not found a couple that we're both comfortable with?

 

BTW, we don't consider ourselves swingers. We're a couple who enjoyed the activities once and would like to rejoin the ranks.

[Guest warrencouple]

good times said:

As far as defining swingers go, I still prefer the general, "those who have sex solely for recreational purposes." In other words, I wouldn't exclude singles but would exclude voyeurs and exhibitionists.

JustAskJulie said:

Ok, so in that case, any couple with no intention of having children would be swingers - since if you aren't pro-creating the majority of your sex is recreational (with exceptions for sex/ love-making just to share/show love).

 

So, by that definition, myself and the wife are swingers! No desire for kids, so all our sex is recreational!

 

I'd think a slightly better definition, starting from that premise, would be what PensacolaPair indicated, a couple that involves, to some degree, other people / couples in their sex life. Personally, I tend to lean towards Pensacolapairs definition, by which, myself and the wife are *not* swingers, as we have not included anyone else in our sex life (yet.)

[toycple 19]

We are a full swap/completely open couple.

[CXXC 435]

Mrs. CXXC and I define ourselves as swingers. We have moved from solo play to our present desire to be with couples only. There are times when this is not possible so we fall back to solo play. However, as we do not wish to have children, we engage in recreational sex. I dont think that is a good defining option for anyone in the lifestyle. I think swinging would best be defined as couples engaged in sexual congress with others either solo or as a couple.

[cedarwhackers 15]

Why do we have to pick one? It's been our experience that any one on your list can be "fun" depending on the time, place, and situation.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Why do we have to pick one? It's been our experience that any one on your list can be "fun" depending on the time, place, and situation.

 

in that case, I'd say ALL OF THE ABOVE

[Chitowndk4u 32]

Swinger at heart, that has done a full swap, same room sex but will most likely never be able to do it again.

 

I enjoy the stories and tales of everyone's adventures.

[If_You_Please 81]

I tend to try to avoid definitions as a general rule...all I know is that I thoroughly enjoy doing things to people/having things done to me that makes them (and me!) happy. They're happy, I'm happy, a good time is had by all. I have my personal preferences, sure, but I don't let them get in the way - hell, it all feels good!! I suppose I'm just a pleaser, and there are few better mediums for giving and receiving pleasure than sex.

[Begood03 15]

We are not swingers, but we are very interested in the lifestyle. So far we have gone to a few nudist resorts, and partied with others while everyone was nude. We both have enjoyed this very much. So far so good, but we are progressing slowly.

 

The one big thing that keeps us from advancing is the "what happens once you have opened Pandora's box"? What I mean is what if swinging hurts our relationship. While we are very drawn to the fantasty, we don't want to do anything that would hurt what we have together.

 

So will we keep going slowly, and who knows, one day we may swing. But it won't be until we feel it is right for both of us. Until then we will keep reading and learning.

[Elena 42]

I think everyone has to progress at their own pace. Do NOT do anything until you are completely ready. You will constantly be asking yourself if you are ready and you will feel many things inside. When you are ready, you will know. You just have to have communication between you and your partner. That is the single most important thing to me.

 

We are a full swap couple. He is straight and if you have to label me, then I would be bi. I don't go in search of females, we look usually for couples. But I will definitely play with the woman if she is interested. If she isn't interested, then that is fine also. Just let me at the husband! LOL!

[WildFire 19]

We are a 100% normal married couple and full-swap swingers. She is Bi also. We haven't had sex with too many others, but we have regular playdates with our favorite swing couple.

 

We started last fall and are still going strong. We enjoy FFM play also when the schedules work out, and have also done full swap separate room play. We are really enjoying the lifestyle. Some would say we are a bit poly with our swing couple. There is a lot more to our relationship than just getting together for sex. It is all evolving nicely Everyone seems to have their own fix in the LS, we stumbled on something really nice that works for all of us.

[mixtupcpl 169]

We're an open marriage couple. So we are both free to pursue sexual partners outside of the marriage. At various times we've had the "rules" flip back and forth between "tell" and "don't tell", but we've been the way we are since before we were married so its just become normal for us.

 

The weird thing is though, I really dont consider us swingers. Not sure why. Full swap with another couple is something we want to try and once the kid is a little older will pursue. At the point where we've actually done that, Id feel comfortable with the label. Until then it doesnt feel like it really fits.

 

The other strange thing is that even though we've both had other partners, and even secondary relationships really, in the years we've been married, we're a little nervous and very excited about playing as a couple (as if it were all new again)

[shyguy55 15]

We are also an open marriage couple, Wife has a steady guy she see's and I have seen a few females alone, I think we consider ourselfs swingers we have had many 3sum before we started dating alone. I havent posted that much on here but love reading about open marriages ours have worked out great.

[ist75swing 16]

we like swapping and couples sex parties.

but we have more mfm sex, it is easy to convince one male than a couple in one night

[sweet_tna 680]

We're an open marriage couple. So we are both free to pursue sexual partners outside of the marriage. At various times we've had the "rules" flip back and forth between "tell" and "don't tell", but we've been the way we are since before we were married so its just become normal for us.

 

The weird thing is though, I really dont consider us swingers. Not sure why. Full swap with another couple is something we want to try and once the kid is a little older will pursue. At the point where we've actually done that, Id feel comfortable with the label. Until then it doesnt feel like it really fits.

 

The other strange thing is that even though we've both had other partners, and even secondary relationships really, in the years we've been married, we're a little nervous and very excited about playing as a couple (as if it were all new again)

 

Ah, but to a point you will be starting all over. You're used to one-on-one experiences, and only having to worry about chemistry between you and your play partner. Trying to find the right mix with FOUR people is a whole 'nother ballgame.

 

I'm sure ya'll will do fine when your turn at bat comes up. . .

 

=)

[mixtupcpl 169]

Ah, but to a point you will be starting all over. You're used to one-on-one experiences, and only having to worry about chemistry between you and your play partner. Trying to find the right mix with FOUR people is a whole 'nother ballgame.

 

I'm sure ya'll will do fine when your turn at bat comes up. . .

 

=)

 

Thanks! If nothing else Im sure it will make for funny stories (we tend to have "misadventures" )

 

Plus, we have the official shirt now. Thats GOT to count for something

[BarbnSteve 15]

Hell i'm confused.....Are we swingers? We have full swapped with another couple. Once, two years ago.....All our other encounters in the last 6 months has been soft swap/oral.

 

So are we?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I have to add the latest term to the original list of terms. And,no, this doesn't apply to us.

 

Half-Swap Couple: Open to swinging when there's only a 2-way match. Bob and Sara meet with Rick and Tammy but only Rick and Sara hit it off. So, Bob and Tammy decide to hang out and watch tv (or sit in the car and wait) while Rick and Sara go off and have fun.

 

It's different from swinging separately in that they still only go out together to play.

 

I've seen this type of thing many times over the years, just never had heard a label for it. This seems to work best at house parties, from what I've seen.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Hell i'm confused.....Are we swingers? We have full swapped with another couple. Once, two years ago.....All our other encounters in the last 6 months has been soft swap/oral.

 

So are we?

 

If you decide you are. I'd say you are (or at least have been in the past). To me, swinging is as much an attitude as actions. Just because you haven't played in a while doesn't mean you aren't swingers. Nor does only doing soft-swap mean you aren't swingers. That's where the craziness of labels and definitions comes in. Everyone has their own definition of "what is swinging" and then on top of the "what is swinging?" debate there are 1000 different types of swinging (or so it seems) - or at least as many types as there are swingers.

[ricksara 15]

We are in the swinger group. but we stay within our own group. I guess we need the safe feeling of knowing who we are having sex with. I would never go to a club, but all of us are different. I say what ever works for you is the thing to do. It has worked for us for over 40 years, so we don't need to look farther. It is fun to discuss these things with other , like minded people. But that's just us.

 

Sara

[cupl4fun 361]

We're not swingers (really we're not). We just like to have sex with other people and watch our partner have sex with other people. Swingers has become such a negative term in so many circles that we choose to call ourselves "sexual connoiseurs". Not really, we are swingers, plain and simple.

[BeStylnIT 114]

I have group sex & love participating in this lifestyle. Can I call myself a swinger as a single male though?

[lizard-lix 32]

Wow, has this been an interesting thread to read!

 

Wayyy back at the start of the thread, it seemed that if we didn't have full swap sex, not only were we weren't swingers, we were considered a waste of time at the club. Potentially distracting people from finding a real swinging couple to have full swap sex with. I was a bit taken back and we do contribute to the place even if we are not full players; dues, tickets to big events, telling people about the place, etc. We love our club and do try to help keep it in business.

 

Move forward to this end of the thread and it has gotten a lot softer and a lot less "if you don't, your NOT!"

 

We are working our way up. We've had sex on a couch next to another couple and watched each other, we've used the sling in the playroom with 50 people watching, we've friction danced naked in a foam pit with others (damn that was fun, sex or not! A pile of soapy squirming bodies is one hot moment) at the club's foam parties (2 so far and the third is just around the corner).

 

So far Lizardess just has not found another man or woman she wants to have sex with (even if I think she has a few loose screws - or is that maybe not?? I am a decent looking guy, but a few very hot and cool seeming men and women have made polite offers and she has expressed attraction, but she just hasn't gotten there yet).

 

So are we swingers? I'm poly, marriage has been my only monogamous relationship. I have never done a couple swap. But I have done 3 ways and an orgy or two before marriage. Lizardess, not so much, she seems to be interested, but needs that one enticement. We are having fun but we keep looking for it.

 

So I guess we are still wannabees or maybes, but I didn't feel the term poser used way back was fair... I guess if a couple does spend time trying to get us in the sack and we say no, we are wasting their time. But that might have happened even if we were a full swap couple.

 

Labels again.. never seem to be quite right...

 

Have fun exploring...

 

Liz