Been there. Done that. Had a good time. Got Herpes.

[50sLady 109]

We are in our late 50s and married for many years.

Hubby suggested swinging 5 years ago,

I said, “OK, let’s give it a try.”

 

It has been a fun, hot, sexy, educational, and life changing experience.

We really lived the lifestyle.

We did lifestyle activities most weekends for those 5 years.

 

Early this year, our swinging lifestyle came to a crashing halt when I found the painful herpes sores on my labia.

 

Hubby has been great as I knew he would. His words to me were…….That is it. We are done swinging. Don’t worry about it. We will be fine. He made a special point to thank me for giving him the chance to live out his fantasies.

 

Did we do everything we could to avoid an STD? No, we did not. We made choices that gave us what we wanted from swinging. We knew there were risks, but like most people, we hoped the odds would be in our favor.

 

Life goes on. I have had no more outbreaks. Fingers are crossed that my immune system keeps the virus dormant.

 

I must be honest and say that we really miss swinging. We still think like swingers. Swingers do see the world differently, and we still like the view.

Now we go out to dinner every Saturday night, because that was our main swinging night. It is much too depressing to stay home on a Saturday night for us.

 

I have been reading this board for all of the 5 years we were swinging but under a different name. I thought I would not want to read here anymore, but I find I can’t stay away.

 

Once a swinger, always a swinger is true. I can’t think any other way even now.

 

I hope all of you successfully avoid STDs in the lifestyle.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Wow. Thanks for sharing your story. It's so rare to see someone step forward and be honest about these things. And Welcome Back (I guess) to the board.

[tribbles 490]

Welcome back!

 

Why not just not play with others but still go to parties and be together? I'm sure it's what we would do cuz we like the atomsphere and the people.

[50sLady 109]

Thanks, Julie, for the welcome, although I never really left. I read the board everyday. I have wanted to post my story for some time now, but I did not want to use our couple name. Our couple name is on SLS and Swapper, and after 5 years of active swinging, many people know us by that name. This is a public forum, and Google is a powerful search engine.

 

Hoping to stay anonymous,

50s Lady

[50sLady 109]

Thank you Tribbles for your welcome back too. We were a full swap couple for all our swinging adventure, so going to clubs and parties and not being able to play with others would not be fun at all for us. Our reason to swing was to have recreational sex with others.

 

Trying to avoid a "look but don't touch" situation,

50s Lady

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Thank you Tribbles for your welcome back too. We were a full swap couple for all our swinging adventure, so going to clubs and parties and not being able to play with others would not be fun at all for us. Our reason to swing was to have recreational sex with others.

 

Trying to avoid a "look but don't touch" situation,

50s Lady

 

I'm sure that there are others out there with Herpes, I believe there are even a few groups dedicated to just those swingers with Herpes, so you could always continue to swing and just be open about it. I think this is a case where I probably wouldn't post pics in the profile but would post a new profile that is honest about the situation and seeking others who are ok with that.

[toomuchfun 77]

Sounds like we share a story...

 

My wife and I are 24, we started swinging in September of last year. We took it very slowly to begin with, but as she started liking it more and more we got more and more involved in the life style.

 

Rarely in the past months has there been a weekend where we didn't go out and meet with other like minded folks. I really agree with your statement.

 

Quote

Swingers do see the world differently, and we still like the view.

My wife and I do as well.

 

We still aren't sure how we are going to fully handle the situation. We've already got it, there is no taking it back... it's a life time deal. I'm 24 years old, been healthy all my life and now I get to take a giant blue horse pill every day for the rest of my life. That's a long god-damn time.

 

I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm upset, and I know my wife is the same way. We took the precautions we thought necessary, we didn't pick people up at the bars, we played with people who we felt comfortable with and who we thought were also safe and sane. We certainly didn't play with anyone exhibiting symptoms, and condoms were always used for intercourse.

 

Now we have these horrible calls to make to everyone we've been intimate with in the last month. "Hello, some shithead gave us herpes, hopefully A) your not the shithead and B) we didn't give it to you" and hope that everyone in our new found group of friends doesn't hate us and egg our house.

 

We briefly entertained the idea of not telling anyone, taking our daily valtrex and always requiring a condom... but we just can't do that, yes it would make life easier but god I would feel like such a jackass if anyone of my friends were to become infected from me.

 

We just saw the doctor this morning so I can't say for sure how all my emotions are going to play out... it's a roller-coaster that's for sure.

 

The Doc didn't seem to think it matters that much, said 75% of the world has it, now you are just part of that 75%. I know he was trying to make me feel better... and possibly if I wasn't a swinger that would work. But being a swinger, and being as involved in the local community as we have been this puts a serious damper on how we conduct ourselves, and how people are going to react to us even being at the get-togethers. We're extremely concerned with being shunned, and I can't say that we don't deserve it I guess.... but what we definitely don't deserve is people finding out and thinking "those stupid kids" we're not stupid, we're taking the same risks as everyone else in the community.

 

We are waiting 2 weeks to find out from the swab test if this is HSV1 or HSV2, but I don't even know if that makes a difference really...

 

Thanks for posting... it's good to know there are other swingers out there that are going through the same shit we are.

[tribbles 490]

We've already got it, there is no taking it back... it's a life time deal. I'm 24 years old, been healthy all my life and now I get to take a giant blue horse pill every day for the rest of my life. That's a long god-damn time.

 

It's not for life. (I mean the pills...)

 

 

We're extremely concerned with being shunned, and I can't say that we don't deserve it I guess

 

BULLSH!T. You DO NOT deserve it. Be open about it and shun the stupid people who are too dumb to still be friends....all friends don't have to be people you have sex with. Even in the lifestyle.

 

 

And yeah HSV1 vs HSV 2 is different.

[50sLady 109]

Oh, toomuchfun, do I ever know how you feel. It was really good to see your post, although I know we all wish we did not have this in common.

 

It is amazing to find that the medical community is really not all that concerned about herpes. It's not life threatening. It really is an annoying skin virus that unfortunately will never leave you.

 

There is daily suppressive medicine to help control the outbreaks, which is the painful and inconvenient part of it all. When you do not have an outbreak, you almost forget you have it. If you are married, you both are exposed and come to terms with it. Life goes on. If you have genital herpes, no one else even knows about it.

 

The medicine also helps to reduce the asymptomatic shedding, which is the most difficult part of managing herpes. You can have no symptoms and no pain or sores, but you can be contagious. The problem is that you never know when that is. It could be every day or once a week or one day a month or never. Asymptomatic shedding is the way herpes is spread most of the time. People can think their play partners are clean and their skin is clear but they could infect you anyway.

 

As you have experienced, herpes is much more than just a skin virus when you are a swinger. You have to tell the ones you played with recently. Depending upon who you played with and when, you can guess who might have given it to you, but you really will never know. You can only tell them that you may have exposed them to it. It was not easy, as you well know.

 

Thank YOU for posting. I am glad to know I am not the only "H" former Swinger reading this board.

 

50s Lady

[toomuchfun 77]

What I want to know is if the person that gave it to us knew... which of course is something I'll never know.

 

I bet there are lots of swingers out there that play and don't tell. Your very right, for most folks this is just a mild skin rash, it's a secret, you deal with it.

 

For swingers you might as well paint a big sign on your back that says "IM CONTAGIOUS" and then stay off in your quarantined corner cause none of the other kids are gonna play with you.

[50sLady 109]

It is like having chicken pox for the rest of your life. The sores heal, your skin is clear once again, but you are never let back in school because you may be contagious some day next month or next year.

 

Not only are the kids not going to play with you, they will not even touch you.

 

Maybe us H swingers should start wearing an H somewhere visible on our person. If any one asks about the H earrings or H pin or H bracelet, we can just say our name is Helen or Henry.

 

50s Lady

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I was just looking at some old threads on this topic, and found a link to a Herpes Swingers Yahoo group. I took a look at it and it's still quite active...

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/Herpes_Swingers/info

 

There were also links from the groups links page to several localized Herpes Swinger communities.

[toomuchfun 77]

Thanks there is a lot of really nice people here. Tribbles, Julie, you rock!

 

50slady thanks for being the brave one to start the topic.

 

We went out with our friends tonight, a group we have just started to get to know, and who we really like. We played pool, and flirted like normal... but all the while knowing that we will likely never get to fulfill all those innuendos and flirts and kisses.

 

I don't know if we can handle being swingers that don't play... they are all great friends, and fun to hang out with, but there is more, and we can't be part of that more any longer.

 

I'd be lying if I said it wasn't tempting to wait for the breakout to go away and just keep on like nothing ever happend, and I know that's not right... so I think it might just be easier to delete our AFF profile, change our cell #, and kind of disappear.

 

Oh and on top of all the social stress, jesus this shit hurts.

[50sLady 109]

Julie,

Thanks for the yahoo link. I am not familiar with yahoo groups, so I had to create a profile and sigh up for the group. Now I have to wait to be accepted.

 

A very appreciative 50s Lady

[50sLady 109]

I know it hurts, toomuchfun, and unfortunately you probably have a couple weeks of it to endure.

 

I was wondering how last night went. It sounds like you feel as we do. It is just too hard to go to swinger events when you know that no one would play with you.

 

Check out the link in Julie's post.

 

Wish you were not so darn far away.

 

Keep in touch, please.

 

50s Lady

[HerpesCpl 44]

It amazes me how something so prevalent has such a stigma to it. We could have AIDs and come out more easily than we can with something as simple as HSV. All HSV really is is an annoyance, a skin irritation.

 

We have Herpes and we swing and we don't tell our partners that we have it. We don't swing when there are any symptoms or signs of potential symptoms and we do use condoms for any vaginal penetration. The crazy part is that we both had it when we were single and didn't know it and therefore didn't take precautions, so what's the difference between that and now. At least now we know so we do/can take precautions.

 

I discovered I had it shortly after I started dating my wife. But, I'd had it for probably 10 years by then. It started when I was in my late teens and I went to the dr the first few times and different drs all told me "it's just a skin/heat rash". So I put neosporin on it and went on my way. Then I started dating my wife and she told me that she had herpes. I told her about the skin rash I'd experienced multiple times now and we agreed I should ask a new dr and this time specifically ask for a Herpes test. Sure enough, that's what it was. We were lucky in that we both had it. Who knows how many people I spread it to unknowingly due to a bad diagnosis. When I just thought it was a rash, as long as sex didn't hurt I saw no reason not to have it. But, now I know what it is and the second I feel I MIGHT have an irritation all sex is off.

 

We feel that with more than 25% of the population having the virus, that couples are taking less of a risk by playing with us than they are with the many infected people who don't even know they have it. Somehow I'm betting we aren't alone.

[daisy girl 34]

It amazes me how something so prevalent has such a stigma to it. We could have AIDs and come out more easily than we can with something as simple as HSV. All HSV really is is an annoyance, a skin irritation.

 

We have Herpes and we swing and we don't tell our partners that we have it. We don't swing when there are any symptoms or signs of potential symptoms and we do use condoms for any vaginal penetration. The crazy part is that we both had it when we were single and didn't know it and therefore didn't take precautions, so what's the difference between that and now. At least now we know so we do/can take precautions.

 

I discovered I had it shortly after I started dating my wife. But, I'd had it for probably 10 years by then. It started when I was in my late teens and I went to the dr the first few times and different drs all told me "it's just a skin/heat rash". So I put neosporin on it and went on my way. Then I started dating my wife and she told me that she had herpes. I told her about the skin rash I'd experienced multiple times now and we agreed I should ask a new dr and this time specifically ask for a Herpes test. Sure enough, that's what it was. We were lucky in that we both had it. Who knows how many people I spread it to unknowingly due to a bad diagnosis. When I just thought it was a rash, as long as sex didn't hurt I saw no reason not to have it. But, now I know what it is and the second I feel I MIGHT have an irritation all sex is off.

 

We feel that with more than 25% of the population having the virus, that couples are taking less of a risk by playing with us than they are with the many infected people who don't even know they have it. Somehow I'm betting we aren't alone.

 

I am curious...If someone asked you about your STD status, would you be honest?

[Ellyanne77 81]

I truly feel for the couples afflicted with this. On that note let me respond to the poster above that does not tell people they have herpes. If a couple who knowingly had an incurable STD infected my wife or myself, I don't know what I would do, but I can assure you I would bring the wrath of God down on you. What you are doing is selfish and I think is borderline criminal.

[ross_sally 9]

Thank all that posted above, I really appreciate your sharing. As you said, I'm sure many more others "play" and don't mention it, thinking no visible sores? no need to tell. Maybe after time, hiding it becomes the norm through rationalizations.

[Edit] I just read more of the posts, including #16, again I appreciate the honesty, that is, the honesty for posting that you are not honest with other swingers.

 

"The Doc didn't seem to think it matters that much, said 75% of the world has it."

versus an earlier post from the math genius stating "less than 1%" !!!!!!!!! WTF?!!

 

Me wonders how many others are reading this thread, cringing, having almost forgotten that they have Herpes.

 

Hmmmm..

 

Amazing, and again thanks for the dose of reality, you will be fine, and your honesty should be commended. I've heard that the outbreaks get further and further apart with time.

[havefuninsun 122]

It amazes me how something so prevalent has such a stigma to it. ...

We have Herpes and we swing and we don't tell our partners that we have it.

 

If we played with you and found out later you had herpes and didn't tell us, we would be LIVID with you.

 

You admit that there is a stigma to it (albeit you don't understand the stigma, but stigma nonetheless), and then you admit you PLAY WITH PEOPLE WITHOUT THEM HAVING THE KNOWLEDGE OF YOUR DISEASE.

 

Hell -- if we have a friggin COLD we tell people before meeting them ... we don't want to pass germs of any type.

 

AND YOU CAN PASS THE DISEASE IF YOU HAVE AN OUTBREAK OR NOT. I bet when you contracted the disease, your partner didn't have an outbreak or you probably wouldn't have played with that person.

 

This is so irresponsible. SO irresponsible.

 

You're the couple that we're scared to death of.

[toomuchfun 77]

It sucks a lot... if I find out they knew and were playing anyway with out telling us... I'll quite likely run them the fuck over.

 

I suppose I'll get over the anger portion at some point, it just really sucks that they will likely keep on playing, but since I'm not a douche bag we will basically have to end what is starting to become a really great fun part of our lives.

 

It's so terribly, horribly un fair. We did everything we were supposed to do, we weren't picking people up in bars, we were selective, we played with people that claimed to be d/d free. We know couples that have been swinginf for two decades, and they don't have herpes.

 

We have not even been doing it for a year, and some assclown infects us? We're not dying, our lives aren't ruined, but they are certainly negatively impacted FOREVER... FOR LI... UNTIL I DIE... THERE IS NO CURE, THERE IS NO CURE, THERE IS NO CURE, keeps running through my head over and over and over again.

 

I'd rather have fallen and broken every bone in my body, at least that heals.

[prettylady 221]

Hi 50s lady,

I am sorry to hear about your situation.

 

It really brings it home when you see a friend tell you that these problems are really out there. Stats mean nothing when you don't know anyone who has had to deal with these issues.

 

We have friends, who would remain our friends no matter what their play situation becomes. Swinger friends are life long friends. I mean who else can you talk openly about this stuff with?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Reading this thread, especially the posts from those who have come forward saying they have HSV, just proves a point that has been said on here many times, you are best off to just assume that EVERYONE has something. When you go at it from the attitude of "oh I'm being careful" or "I pick my playmates selectively", etc. you are asking for trouble. Swinging is risky and contracting an STD (of any kind) is one of those risks that we take when we choose to swing. I don't want an STD anymore than anyone else does, but I'd rather assume that everyone has it than assume that everyone who has it either knows they have it or is being honest about it.

 

One thing I do find interesting both in this thread and going back to others on this topic is that you rarely see anyone who comes out saying they have an STD posting anywhere else. Chances are that there are more like 50sLady who have it but aren't about to admit it in a way that allows us to know who they are publicly.

[tncinmd 55]

Julie, we don't understand what you're saying. Do you mean that everyone should give up swinging (well, maybe not soft swing) ? Toomuchfun specifically said that they always used condoms for penetration. Which seems to mean that short of wearing hazmat suits, it's a risk everyone takes all the time. From what I've read, the shedding involves the entire pubic region, which basically means condoms are only partially effective.

[toomuchfun 77]

The only way we could have been safer would be using condoms / dental dams during oral.

[tncinmd 55]

The only way we could have been safer would be using condoms / dental dams during oral.

 

At that point, we'd give it up entirely. If the risk is that severe, better to play with just us.

 

It's kinda like the anti-depressent medication that makes your libido disappear...what could be more depressing ?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The only way we could have been safer would be using condoms / dental dams during oral.

 

That may be exactly how you ended up with it. Considering that HSV can transfer from the oral variety to the genital.... perhaps your partner just had oral herpes and wasn't (or maybe was) showing symptoms and you didn't realize it, they went down on one of you and transferred it. It's not just the pubic region you have to worry about.

 

 

Julie, we don't understand what you're saying. Do you mean that everyone should give up swinging (well, maybe not soft swing) ? Toomuchfun specifically said that they always used condoms for penetration. Which seems to mean that short of wearing hazmat suits, it's a risk everyone takes all the time. From what I've read, the shedding involves the entire pubic region, which basically means condoms are only partially effective.

 

I just don't think people stop to really think through these things enough. Not just with STDs but with the risks in general. I've watched so many people through the years say they can deal with the risks they are taking that it's all ok, until something happens then it's a completely different story. I realize that we don't know how we will handle anything until we are in that situation and I am the same. But, when it comes down to it, I just don't think people really think it through. They are stuck thinking "Oh it will never happen to me" and even when people post about the bad things that have happened to them as a result of taking this risk (not neccessarily STDs) too often people jump on them and assume they are a troll; I think they do this because they want to believe that these things don't really happen or can't happen to them. But, the reality is that if it can happen to someone else it can happen to ME, so when I believe that someone else's story is true, I have to then accept that that could be me in their shoes.

[crazykatie 139]

Julie is absolutely right!!

 

The problem is that most swingers think they are safe because they are using condoms. However, herpes is transmitted by skin to skin contact in the genital region and the male condom does not provide complete protection against all such contact. In fact, it does not cover many of the areas. Think about it. The rubber ends well before the base of the penis. The woman's outer and inner lips almost always contact the base of the penis. So, when a woman is infected, she is almost always exposing the man.

 

The CDC still recommends using condoms but admits that there are no reliable studies on the overall effectiveness of condoms as a preventive measure against HSV. I think it is nearly universally admitted that condoms are not 100% effective. But, a growing body of evidence is suggesting that condoms are far less effective than had been previously thought.

 

The other thing that most swingers refuse to recognize is that most infected people don't even know they are infected because they develop no external symptoms or have symptoms so slight that they don't recognize themselves as being infected. Moreover, most health professionals will not run a blood screen for HSV with an STD test because HSV is so common today that one in four will screen positive for the antibody even though they may never have contracted a sufficient infection to be a carrier or had any symptoms. Even when you ask to be screened for STDs, the HSV test is generally not ordered unless you specifically complain of symptoms related to HSV or have an observable outbreak (or specifically ask for the test). So, that long trusted couple who tells you they don't have anything, they probably don't know and don't think they do.

 

Truth is, this disease is so misunderstood and stigmatized that those with it simply will not admit to it under any circumstances. And, why should they. An honest couple might be respected, but they would still be treated as lepers by the swinging community at large. Worse, anyone choosing to associate with them (either because they were HSV positive themselves or because they had evaluated the risks and had decided to play anyway) would run the risk of being branded as lepers purely through association. So, you should assume that your playmates know that they are HSV positive but are unwilling to tell you the truth because they know that they are on a suppressive therapy and haven't had an outbreak in years.

 

It is probably a rationalization, but the HSV positive couple probably thinks that the risk of contracting the disease from them is lower than having sex with someone who thinks they are clean. After all, a person who suffers symptomatically generally knows when an outbreak is in progress or on the way and is benefiting from suppressive therapy. Also, there is at least a 25% chance that the supposedly clean couple you might play with is not.

[toomuchfun 77]

Julie and Katie, very well said.

 

And your exactly right about STD tests not including HSV, if you walk in and say give me the full work up, they will test you for everything BUT hsv.

 

This is what really screws people, because then they think they are clean and they very well may be infected and just A Symptomatic and then they spread it around.

 

I know that in Jan my wife and I were clean, we were specifically tested for HSV and neg for both 1 and 2. We still don't know which we have yet though.

 

We could have gotten it from oral, or we could have gotten it from protected sex... just like mentioned above condoms don't really do much to protect you from hsv at all. The most afflicted parts of the genitalia (scrotum and vulva) come in to contact with each other regularly.

[rpu3 630]

When you go at it from the attitude of "oh I'm being careful" or "I pick my playmates selectively", etc. you are asking for trouble. Swinging is risky and contracting an STD (of any kind) is one of those risks that we take when we choose to swing. I don't want an STD anymore than anyone else does, but I'd rather assume that everyone has it than assume that everyone who has it either knows they have it or is being honest about it.

 

It's one thing to trust your partner's assertion of selectivity, foolish or not, but I don't know how one can even begin to trust every other person that the partner plays with. It's foolish to assume every person that person has played with are ALL selective and can somehow weed out those with HSV2 just from their tremendous selectivity.

 

I've been debating this concept of trust and safety and how it relates to oral sex, use of condoms and other STD preventative measures. Condoms or other barriers are absolutely no guarantee, especially if the same aren't used for oral sex. So, perhaps one should just have sex with those they "trust". Yet, even if one were to trust their partner, trust for one person just cannot be extended to everyone else that person has had sex with. If it's already foolish enough to trust one partner's judgment based on this arbitrary "I'm selective" about relative strangers, then it's completely foolish to trust their other partner's judgment about everyone that person has had sex with, and so on. So, by default, the partner one might want to trust, can't be trusted either. Sigh.

 

If I think too much (which is pretty much all the time) about this, I end up in the "maybe it's just not worth it" or I think I need to fuck in a HazMat suit. There is certainly plenty to think about in this thread and forum about safety and risk tolerance (or lack thereof).

 

Kudos to those few whom have disclosed their status and stories and take responsible steps regarding their status. That kudos is not extended to the couple that does not disclose their status and knowingly exposes others. That is just incomprehensible to me, and there's not enough bandwidth for me to express my dismay and disgust at that practice.

 

Thank you 50sLady and TooMuchFun for sharing.

[tnohcpl 16]

our story goes like this. j (her 61) and i (d 64) have been married almost 6 yrs. j has been fighting cancer on and off since 1997. she got breast metastis bone cancer in 03 around the time we started thinking about swinging. we met a few couples, but due to other factors (lived in seperate states for a yr or so due to work) we never were able to hook up with another couple. after getting the bone cancer with all the meds and the constant pain from it she lost almost all her desires to have sex (was a SUPER HORNEY LADY BEFORE) which i understand. well a few wks back i got a sore on my foreskin NEVER EVER BEFORE HAD ONE. WE WENT TO DR AND HE DID BLOOD WORK J IS HSV 2 AND I AM HSV 1. that was a totally shock as to where it came from. dr said it can lay dorment for yrs then show up one day. he also said as someone stated previous that a VERY HIGH presentage of folks have it, and may not know. i have gave blood on and off over the yrs, and would have thought they would have checked and got back with me if it had showed up. j has had to have numerous blood transfusions due the the bone cancer, and some folks say it could have come from that, and some say due to it being in the nervous system it can't be passed on thru blood. when we learned that we had it i wanted to tell all our friends (not swinging) that we had it, but dr said to keep my mouth shut about it. we have a couple of couples that r swingers one just moved here and the other lives in another state and will locate here. i went by dr office yest and got a copy of the blood tests and plan to show the couple that just moved here the tests results, and let them know we would love to be friends as we r now, but not swinging friends if they want to be. i plan on leaving it entirly up to them with no hard feeling if they say no thanks. going to do the same with the other couple when they come back down again. sorry for being so long, but just wanted folks to know u can get herpes and not swing at all. we did and it SUCKS. thanks, d&j

[nwincouple17154 32]

Just a quick note to the couple who doesn't disclose that information to potential play partners. There are some states where there are laws against knowingly passing on a STD. For you or anyone else who is infected with anything and decides to take those risks with other peoples health, you better take a good long look at your states laws and find out besides being jerks, if you can also be arrested for passing along an STD. I know if it was me and I got something from someone who knowingly didn't tell me ahead of time about the extra risk involved in playing with them, I would use the laws in my state in my favor.

 

I won't go into personally what I think of people who wouldn't say anything and just play anyway.

 

To those of you suffering from any STD, especially those brave enough to bring up the discussion here, you have my sympathies. I hope that some day soon they find a cure for Herpies and all STD's and this won't always be an issue for you.

 

What a wonderful lifestyle swinging would be if the only complication we had to worry about was pregnency and the occasional jealous/insecure spouse.

 

Trish

[lott 38]

First let me say I'm sorry to hear this news but its not life threatening and you can still live on and enjoy yourself.

 

Secondly, I think you should try to keep the virus at bay by eating whole foods as well as take avocados, coconut oil and essential oils(only a a drop is needed) daily to improve your immune system and maybe help your body get rid of the virus BUT this is in theory as it hasn't been proven but these oils mainly the herbal essential oils and coconut oil are antiviral.

 

Third, try to keep your skin well moistened with fats such as the coconut oil mixed with burts bees Repair Serum. This will keep the skin flexible and prevent future infections from herpes because herpes only passes through tiny breaks in the skin, mouth, anal, vagina into mucous membranes, which is why lube during sex is important also because it helps prevent tears in the vagina from friction.

 

You probably got it through oral sex and study show oral herpes is on the rise specifically with young people and their love for oral sex and multiple partners.

 

A non-latex dental dam should be used when performing oral sex and condoms also. There are so many choices for condoms that their is no reason why they can't be used when used correctly. The same for dental dams.

 

You should put some lube on your dick before putting a condom on, then put on a nice vibrating cock ring to keep the condom in place also to enhance the sex for both partners.

 

When using a non-latex dental dam, apply lube on the labia and then just go at it. It might seem out of place to do this but it isn't that bad once you train yourself to realize you can have fun and be safe and that it's not about the person being trusting but being healthy. They might not even know they have something. The only time raw sex is done should be with one special person and that should be your mate because you obviously know more about each other or you should if you take the relationship to that point.

 

Also, burts bees has a lip balm that should be used to protect the lips and prevent herpes infection as well as occurence due to the oils being antiviral.

 

Enjoy yourself, live life and realize sex is fun but it can only be better when the body is in top shape and protected at the cellular level. Exercising with weights and some cardio will help the body make use of the foods you eat better which means a better immune system. Plants, knowledge and technology are WONDERFUL things.

 

Burts bees

Repair Serum

Burts bees lip balm

 

Take care.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

tnohcpl said:

when we learned that we had it i wanted to tell all our friends (not swinging) that we had it, but dr said to keep my mouth shut about it.

I just can't read this and not ask why? Why would your Doctor say this? I'm just floored by this

[jnbsmokin 29]

HerpesCpl said:

It amazes me how something so prevalent has such a stigma to it. We could have AIDs and come out more easily than we can with something as simple as HSV. All HSV really is is an annoyance, a skin irritation.

 

We have Herpes and we swing and we don't tell our partners that we have it. We don't swing when there are any symptoms or signs of potential symptoms and we do use condoms for any vaginal penetration. The crazy part is that we both had it when we were single and didn't know it and therefore didn't take precautions, so what's the difference between that and now. At least now we know so we do/can take precautions.

 

I discovered I had it shortly after I started dating my wife. But, I'd had it for probably 10 years by then. It started when I was in my late teens and I went to the dr the first few times and different drs all told me "it's just a skin/heat rash". So I put neosporin on it and went on my way. Then I started dating my wife and she told me that she had herpes. I told her about the skin rash I'd experienced multiple times now and we agreed I should ask a new dr and this time specifically ask for a Herpes test. Sure enough, that's what it was. We were lucky in that we both had it. Who knows how many people I spread it to unknowingly due to a bad diagnosis. When I just thought it was a rash, as long as sex didn't hurt I saw no reason not to have it. But, now I know what it is and the second I feel I MIGHT have an irritation all sex is off.

 

We feel that with more than 25% of the population having the virus, that couples are taking less of a risk by playing with us than they are with the many infected people who don't even know they have it. Somehow I'm betting we aren't alone.

 

I know it's attempted murder in some states to have aids/hiv and spread it/not tell a partner. And doing that and doing what you are doing, is absolutely disgusting to me! Sorry, but I think you should have to wear a sandwich sign to any public on or off premise club, night club, bar, and so on! How can you do that to people?????

 

I pride myself on never having had a std, I do not have any form of unprotected sex with anyone who doesn't have regular testing between partners and right before we meet! Show me the papers, I show mine!

 

THIS IS FRACKING NASTY AND YOU WILL GET YOURS SOMEDAY FOR GIVING A FRACKING DISEASE TO PEOPLE WHO ARE STRAIGHT-FORWARD AND HONEST WITH YOU! LEARN ABOUT YOUR DISEASE!!!! YOU CAN SPREAD IT WITHOUT HAVING ANY SORT OF SYMPTOM!

 

people like you make me sick!!!

I know I'll get a bad rating for this, but this is fucking pitiful and people like this poster should be fucking shot, nasty sob!!! I would physically hurt/possibly murder/without a doubt would shoot them in the genitals, anyone who did something so absolutely disgusting as to lie and infect me!!! I have a temper... and a snub-nosed S&W 38, did I mention that I'm an awesome shot?! I'm not normally violent, but frack with my health and you WILL END! fucking nasty asses! It's because of people like you, that people like 50'slady, end up with this shit!!!!

 

50'sLady,

It was very brave for you to come out and be honest like that!!!! There are a lot of good people who end up with herpes( and then there are the piece of shit fuckers---like I just ranted about), you can still swing after all,, there are a lot of people with it--that are not nasty(like above). I hope you find it in you to get back into the lifestyle, you are honest and not alone! I'm sorry it happened to you!

[50sLady 109]

I hope I have not given the impression that herpes means the end of my life. It is a skin virus which has no cure at this time. I do plan to enjoy the rest of my life. I am looking forward to weddings and grandchildren. No one in my vanilla life knows what happened to me. I have no visible signs that others can see.

 

Herpes does mean the end of our swinging life. For that we are very sad. Yes, there are couples who advertise that they have the virus. In order for us to find H swinging partners, we would have to advertise too. There is such a stigma attached to the virus, that I just do not think I can do that now. It just seems so public. The thought of meeting couples and telling them face to face is even scarier. I do not need to fuck other people enough to subject myself to their rejection as they back away from us as if we would give them the virus just by looking at them.

 

I do want to remind everyone that when you get tested for STDs to show your playmates, should they even ask, you must ask for the HerpesSelect blood test. Normally doctors only test for the STDs that they consider a health risk. Doctors do NOT consider herpes a health risk unless you are pregnant. There is suppressive medicine available, which helps to reduce the outbreaks and also hopefully the pain of any outbreaks that do happen. The doctor will prescribe Valtrex and send you on your way.

 

Good luck to all of you in remaining STD free.

Please remember that most people who have herpes do not know it.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

fun4Ds said:

I just can't read this and not ask why? Why would your Doctor say this? I'm just floored by this

 

I was wondering the same thing.

[tribbles 490]

I was wondering the same thing.

 

There is such a stigma attached to the virus,

 

Normally doctors only test for the STDs that they consider a health risk. Doctors do NOT consider herpes a health risk unless you are pregnant.

 

Please remember that most people who have herpes do not know it.

 

I think 50's lady answered it.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

tribbles said:

I think 50's lady answered it.

 

The biggest reason any stigma2 exists is because people won't talk about it... if that is the dr's reason for saying keep it to yourself all they are doing is causing both the disease and the stigma to be spread.

[tnohcpl 16]

in defense of the dr saying keep your mouth shut he was referring to the fact that I wanted to tell all my friends. not just the ones that could have been swing partners if and when J had gone into remission with her cancer and we had pursued swinging, which we definitely will not now. I just wanted to give our friends the choice of remaining our friends knowing we had herpes. The dr seemed to think as long as we were not sleeping with them and not having outbreaks that there was no need in telling them. Which bring to a point a good question for 50's lady and those in the know. When you got herpes did you tell your family and ALL your non swinging friends you had it? If yes, what were their reactions, and did you lose a lot of them.

 

thanks, d&j

[toomuchfun 77]

Some really good replies in this thread, it's awesome to see people actually talking about this issue.

 

To the couple that said they play with out telling people... I don't really agree with what your doing but it would be an outright lie if I said my wife and I haven't discussed doing the same thing... for the exact same reasons that you stated. But we would feel really terrible if we were to knowingly expose our friends, which is really what they have become, to the virus.

 

 

 

The other thing I want to mention is that my dramatic response to this must be taken in stride... swinging really is the only thing that is affected... swinging was becoming, or had become a big part of our lives but it's certainly not a part of our lives that we will be devastated with out.

 

Life goes on, and the doctors are right the virus has no medical seriousness... just a social one.

 

I doubt a cure will ever come but, I'm hoping soon that a vaccine is created, then people can get immunized and we can play again!

[50sLady 109]

The biggest reason any stigman exists is because people won't talk about it... if that is the drs reason for saying keep it to yourself all they are doing is causing both the disease and the stigma to be spread.

 

Putting aside the chemistry issue, which all of us want with our play partners, would you play with me? I doubt it.

 

I am just not worth the risk for recreational sex.

 

Potential playmates will commend me for my honesty and back away from me as far as they can get hoping that I do not notice the look of horror on their faces.

 

To tnohcpl....no one knows about my herpes except for 2 close couple friends who could have been exposed and, of course, my husband. There is no need to tell anyone else ever unless you plan on having sex with them. This is a skin to skin virus and is not transmitted through clothing. Someone's mouth area or genital area has to come in contact with the skin of your mouth area or genital area to spread the virus.

[jnbsmokin 29]

50sLady said:

I hope I have not given the impression that herpes means the end of my life. It is a skin virus which has no cure at this time. I do plan to enjoy the rest of my life. I am looking forward to weddings and grandchildren. No one in my vanilla life knows what happened to me. I have no visible signs that others can see.

 

Herpes does mean the end of our swinging life. For that we are very sad. Yes, there are couples who advertise that they have the virus. In order for us to find H swinging partners, we would have to advertise too. There is such a stigma attached to the virus, that I just do not think I can do that now. It just seems so public. The thought of meeting couples and telling them face to face is even scarier. I do not need to fuck other people enough to subject myself to their rejection as they back away from us as if we would give them the virus just by looking at them.

 

I do want to remind everyone that when you get tested for STDs to show your playmates, should they even ask, you must ask for the HerpesSelect blood test. Normally doctors only test for the STDs that they consider a health risk. Doctors do NOT consider herpes a health risk unless you are pregnant. There is suppressive medicine available, which helps to reduce the outbreaks and also hopefully the pain of any outbreaks that do happen. The doctor will prescribe Valtrex and send you on your way.

 

Good luck to all of you in remaining STD free.

Please remember that most people who have herpes do not know it.

 

I know that it is not the end of life. But anyone who knowingly hides having it, potentially spreading it to unsuspecting victims.... well I have severe issues with that. And yes, I know it has to be asked for specifically, we get tested after 6weeks and 6 months of being with another person. We obviously don't play often. And I also know, that taking Valtrex only lessens the chance of spreading it. That is the problem, it only lessens that chance. And most people don't know it, but anyone who has any form of unprotected sex(vanilla or not) should still be tested for everything very often. That is an issue. People don't seem to think about it. How many of us would forgo our bi-annual dentist appointments? Very few who wanted to keep a healthy mouth. This is just as important. In fact moreso! You can't exactly spread gingivitis to a playmate, but it seems more people are concerned about it, then a life-long skin rash. Just a skin rash, that it may be, but I don't have it--- even though the statistic is 1 out of every 5 adults. Yeah, I research this sort of thing often because I care about keeping my body free of this sort of thing. Trading full test results is absolutely mandatory for any sort of unprotected fun, and if they have played since the test, it's completely protected or not at all. Doctors may not consider it a health risk, but if a person gives me something, knowing I am clean, even if it is just a rash--it is still at this time, lifelong! It's a life sentence, and you know, I would be willing to spend time in prison to be sure somebody else wasn't infected by a pos(s) like herpescpl.

That is sop disgusting.

 

You, 50'slady, are obviously a strong person, and like was mentioned before, there are groups on yahoo and Adultfriendfinder for people with herpes and other std's. Your swinging doesn't have to end, and neither does your honesty. Nor do you have to make it completely public.

[lott 38]

I hear what your saying and I agree with you, unfortunately we live in a world where most people lie about things that are small so you know they will do it something such as an std. The only thing you can do is protect yourself to the fullest every way possible while still enjoying yourself by learning how the body works and finding ways to keep it as healthy as possible and doing this means listening to all sides that have ways of doing this and if others have something to say about you taking precautions, that's their issue.

 

Here's something you should read:

 

New Study in Suburban Population Shows Herpes is Very Common | Infection Control Today

 

"ABOUT THE STUDY

 

The study took place at six randomly selected PCP offices in relatively affluent areas in each of six U.S. cities (Atlanta, Baltimore, Boston, Chicago, Dallas, Denver). At each office, approximately 150 people age 18-59 volunteered to participate. All blood samples were sent to a central laboratory to determine if the sample was seropositive for HSV-2, in other words, had the virus that causes genital herpes (GH). All samples were analyzed using the Focus Technologies HerpeSelect® 2 ELISA IgG test designed specifically to detect HSV-2 antibodies in the blood.

 

In total, 5,732 people were screened; 5,452 provided an analyzable blood sample and 5,433 completed a questionnaire. The final sample was 75 percent white, 14 percent African American, and 4 percent Hispanic. Eighty percent were employed full- or part-time, 74 percent had some college or higher education, 45 percent had a household income of $60,000 or higher, and 68 percent were married/living with their partner.

 

The overall weighted HSV-2 seroprevalence was 25.5 percent - that means 1 in 4 people tested positive for the virus that causes genital herpes. The seroprevalence increased from 13.4 percent in the 18-29-year age group, to 25.2 percent (30-39 years), to 31.2 percent (40-49 years) and 28.0 percent (50-59 years). Seroprevalence among women (28.3 percent) was greater than that among men (22.0 percent), and was consistently higher across all age groups. Of the 1,387 people that tested positive for genital herpes, only 12 percent knew they were infected.

 

The study showed that higher levels of education, income, and marital status did not reduce the chances of having genital herpes: those with some college had a prevalence of 27 percent, college graduates had a prevalence of 22 percent, married individuals had a prevalence of 24 percent, those living with their partners had a prevalence of 29 percent, and those with household incomes of $60,000-$80,000 had a prevalence of 25 percent while those with incomes over $100,000 had a prevalence of 22 percent.

 

The study was sponsored by GlaxoSmithKline, one of the world's leading research-based pharmaceutical and health care companies. "

 

I found an article that went in depth but I can't find it. It showed how a good amount of the people were asked if they had an std would they tell their partner and they said NO.

 

When you take into account 30% of babies are born where the father isn't their biological father, I wouldn't expect someone to tell you they have an std., you just have to assume someone has one until they prove otherwise.

[jnbsmokin 29]

Great post lott!!!!!!!!

 

This is exactly why we ask how often people play before we mention tests. We attack this issue head on in the second email, letting people know, we only play with test results, and only if they have had completely protected sex since the last test, and they must be willing to submit to a test 2 weeks prior to playing with us. Most hiv/aids tests take up to 2 weeks for results. We have no issue doing the same. One of our mfm was with a good friend of ours, he still had to get tested! I only say nasty, because of them being willing to spread it, the honest and up front people with std's get nothing but respect from us. I suppose in my temper, I didn't make that clear.

[tribbles 490]

Is the info I have right...it takes up to 3 months after exposure for the blood test to show positive for HSV-2?

 

So, jnb, I wonder how safe the tests are? Someone could play last month, take the test and show negative while passing the virus on.....As for protection--

even protected sex didn't help one of the ones here on this thread........

 

It also made me wonder if that might be why people flirt, tease with you but back out then....they don't want to take the test to find out their status....or they take the test and decide not to tell.

 

We had one couple admit they don't do HIV tests cuz they do not want to know and as long as they feel healthy, they aren't getting any tests to learn otherwise.

[tnohcpl 16]

50's lady thanks so very much for u'r input about telling. u saved me money now i don't have to buy a tee shirt with "i have herpes" on it. LOL. the 2 couples that r swingers we know, we plan to tell them as to why we can't and won't swing with them. all our other friends we will just go on as nothing has happened, as that is the point the dr was making with what he said. as far a swinging for u the suggestion about the herpes group may be a route u may want to consider down the road. thanks again, and good luck. d&j

[jnbsmokin 29]

Tribbles,

You have a great point, I know hiv can take 6 months to show up. We have played 3 times in the past 3 years and were just tested again in November. It's something we do around our anniversary too(hence the Nov test even though we hadn't played since oct 06). The aids thing is scary, especially because people can carry it for 10 years + before showing symptoms. And if our testing policies scare people away, well I consider that a very good thing, because it most likely means that they would ruin our "clean streak". And that's something I can't abide. After all, if we can't be very picky and strict about who we have sex with, then what can we be picky about, you know? We are only after clean naughty fun, if that makes sense...

[funfrkycpl 77]

Unfortunately this is one of the risks that all of us that are active in the lifestyle take. You can take every possible precaution, including testing, but nothing will protect you %100. We applaud 50sLady for her openness and honesty about her situation. We also respect your decision to not participate in the lifestyle any longer, but there are sites for swingers with herpes if you change your mind. We did a search and came up with this one, HSwing.com - A Sex and Swingers Community for Adults with Herpes

 

If everyone knew the exact number of swingers with herpes there would probably be a lot less people in the lifestyle.

[graygo98 148]

The only way we could have been safer would be using condoms / dental dams during oral.

 

If you find out you have HSV1, then you mayknow the answer to that one.

 

If your playmate was one of the 75% plus of the people on this board that have HSV1, but was in the minority that showed symptons and shedding, then she could have transferred it to you through oral sex. (Heck, even if it turns out to be HSV2 it could still have been transmitted to you through a BJ, its just a little less likely.)

 

What's my point? Well, anything other than sex with you spouse has risks. Even fully rubbered, dams and all, there are still risks. You can minimize them but not avoid them. Second, even though I definitely feel for both the OP and toomuchfun and would not want to trade places with any of them, they are not in such a different space than most of you reading this post. Most of you already have herpes in one form or another but are blissfully asymptomatic.