Full Swap that made for an awkward situation...

[SwingingForFun 15]

We went full swap for the first time w/ a couple that we had soft play w/ before. We decided to try a full swap because I know my husband really wanted to fuck the other girl. Although the guy wasn't as "endowed" as my husband I gave him a chance. Cause sometimes it may not be the size but how well you work the equipment. Well here's how it went. We swapped and my husband and the other girl went fully into it from the jump. He was pounding away at her and she was moaning and screaming. Meanwhile me and ther other husband was having difficulty. He just wasn't doing it for me. Instead of just going at it, it was like he was trying to hard to do certain things...and stopping a lot (just suddenly stopping and pulling out) when I would be close to getting into it. The whole time me and the husband was just TRYING to get into it while my husband and the girl was non-stop going at it. The guy ended ended up cumming and was done...I felt a little cheated and frustrated from not really getting any satisfaction in the act.

 

Now the awkward part...I like the female of the couple. We had some pretty good girl on girl action and both enjoyed each other. I know she enjoyed my husband and my husband definitely enjoyed her. But I don't enjoy the guy. He just doesn't NOT do it for me during sex or during oral. Have this ever happened to anyone? We took so long to find this couple because we've hung out outside of the bedroom and they are really cool people. I just think that if we decided to not ever play again that there would be awkwardness and we'd lose our new friends. My husband said we can just continue playing with them and for me to just not expect "the greatest sex experiment." I think this is unfair because he and the other girl hit it off together but me and the guy didn't. So I see it as him asking me to "take one for the team"...what are your thoughts on this?

[sexcupid 809]

Welcome to the board!

 

It is unfair of your hubby to ask you to keep playing with them just because he and the other wife are hot to trot. And it doesn't matter how long you took to find a couple, if it isn't working for you, it just isn't.

 

I will be honest with you, in my experience...it's highly unrealistic to expect great or even good sex out of a swing experience. Sometimes the stars align and things are wonderful...sometimes the expereince ranges from mediocre to average. I find that the more expectation you have on a situation, the less satisfying it can be.

 

Was it the other couple's first full swap as well? What precipitated the change from soft swap to full?

 

It was your first full swap, maybe you were anxious and things that normally would have felt good were instead annoying. During soft play had the other husband ever played with you (touching/oral/etc) or was it just the girls playing with the guys watching and then you have sex with your own hubby?

 

If it was the other couple's first full swap, he may have just been exceptionally turned on and his starting/stoping/pulling out was an attempt to keep from orgasming too quickly? Eh, even it wasn't their first full swap, some guys are just exceptionally turned on and have difficulty controlling their orgasm.

 

For me personally, I go into a swing situation with very little expectation...to the point of I don't expect an orgasm, I want to have a good time, and if my partner has a good time..then great. I will eventually get mine (either in going another round, finding another playmate, or with my sweetie). But I've also found (even in vanilla settings) that first times are not usually spectacular and that if I judged a playmate on their first performance, I would have missed out on some really hot sex later on. Ok, that may sound contradictory to my first statement here...but if there is any attraction between you and the other male, I would give it another shot. If there's not, go back to soft swap with this couple if you still want to play with them.

[tribbles 490]

So I see it as him asking me to "take one for the team"...what are your thoughts on this?

 

If you see it that way, then you do not do it. It will hurt your relationship, not enhance it.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Yes, welcome to the Board, SwingingForFun!

 

sexcupid pretty much said it all. The only thing I'd add is that only you know if you are not attracted enough to the other husband to give it another try. Go with what you feel. It does sound like he was a little too excited to give you the best experience he is capable of. And yes, the size of his penis shouldn't matter as much as how he makes you feel with his hands, tongue, lips, and the way he uses his penis.

 

But I have to ask, if he doesn't do it for you during oral as you said in your original post, why play with him at all? Either that, or ask him for what you do like. I almost always have to (as gently as possible) ask my partners to change up, because I am so sensitive that I feel pain where other women feel pleasure.

 

Whatever the result, we hope you stick around and participate!

[Guest screaminggood]

Hi Swinging,

 

Yes, I've been in a similar situation. The girl loved my husband's big, hard cock....and I soon found out why: her husband had "small, limp dick syndrome."

 

To be honest with you, it's turned me off. I now look for threesomes instead.

 

Would you want to do a threesome with the woman? You can always phrase it that you have a fantasy of having the other man watching and see what their reaction is? But if you can't get it your way, it's not worth it. There are plenty of other flavors in this ice cream shop that y'all can try.

 

Good luck!

[SwingingForFun 15]

her husband had "small, limp dick syndrome

 

Well that was the problem with our first swap. It was a soft swap and the girl was REALLY into my husband and her husband had just what you said. I ended up feeling like a 4th wheel in the scenario. Even after that I know my husband was disappointed we didn't play with them again.

With this couple I enjoy the girl play and I know my husband enjoys her and vice versa. I went fully with the guy because I decided to give everything a chance. He may not do it for me in oral but perhaps he was a good fuck...which proved to not be the case. My husband said he doesn't want to go through the meet and greet and such with finding another couple...which I can see why cause the rejection sucks. I'm thinking about giving it another shot to give that guy a chance to "redeem" himself. Husband and I have spoken about this...it's not so much that I have expectations per se. Just that I am doing into this lifestyle for the pleasure but if he's not pleasuring me why stick w/ them is what I'm saying. I just found it a tad irritating that husband wanted to stick w/ them knowing the guy didn't do it for me...he kinda did the same with that other couple I spoke about above.

[tribbles 490]

Talk about why....I would bet he hates the whole dating thing and getting to know them cuz it takes a lot of time and then when the sex doesn't work great, you have to start all over.

[sweet_tna 680]

Well that was the problem with our first swap. It was a soft swap and the girl was REALLY into my husband and her husband had just what you said. I ended up feeling like a 4th wheel in the scenario. Even after that I know my husband was disappointed we didn't play with them again.

With this couple I enjoy the girl play and I know my husband enjoys her and vice versa. I went fully with the guy because I decided to give everything a chance. He may not do it for me in oral but perhaps he was a good fuck...which proved to not be the case. My husband said he doesn't want to go through the meet and greet and such with finding another couple...which I can see why cause the rejection sucks. I'm thinking about giving it another shot to give that guy a chance to "redeem" himself. Husband and I have spoken about this...it's not so much that I have expectations per se. Just that I am doing into this lifestyle for the pleasure but if he's not pleasuring me why stick w/ them is what I'm saying. I just found it a tad irritating that husband wanted to stick w/ them knowing the guy didn't do it for me...he kinda did the same with that other couple I spoke about above.

 

Hi and welcome, Swinging.

 

I know the rejection part of swinging isn't fun. Neither is bad sex, but they both happen. But if ya'll want to do this, you're gonna' have to sit down and figure this out. I personally wouldn't play with this couple again. It's too frustrating to watch your hubby and his partner getting their rocks off while you're counting ceiling tiles & making your grocery list.

 

And if you're not BOTH having fun (at least with the sex part), what's the point?

 

Try going to a club or meet & greet. That's how we've met most of our playmates. We like being able to see people in person right off, and decide whether we want to play with them (even if it doesn't happen that night).

 

Best of luck to ya'll,

 

=)

[SwingingForFun 15]

It's too frustrating to watch your hubby and his partner getting their rocks off while you're counting ceiling tiles & making your grocery list.

 

That's pretty much how I feel. I don't want that "frustrated" feeling to be taken as jealousy.

[The Fuse 1,012]

That's pretty much how I feel. I don't want that "frustrated" feeling to be taken as jealousy.

It shouldn't be taken that way. It wasn't working for you. If it doesn't work for both of you, it doesn't work at all. You know what you want and what you don't... good luck, and please let us know how it turns out!

[iapr 24]

Welcome to the wonderfull world of swinging. Unfortunately what you described is quite common and will probably happen again at some point. In all actuality it is probably somewhat rare that all 4 people come out of a full swap scenario thinking it was an awesome encounter. It is great when it does happen but usually at least one is left scratching their head at the end and looking at their watch.

 

I do not support your husband in trying to get you to go along with it at all. If someone is leaving you frustrated and awkward you should not have to put up with that again. I honestly do not know if there is anyway you can train this guy to be a better lay. Some people just do not have good sexual chemistry between and I do know if there is a thing in the world you can do about it.

 

In all honesty I think the real lesson here is not to invest too much time and energy into a "friendship" before playing. If you make friends with someone and people have an expectation of some kind of ongoing relationship then it makes it a whole lot harder to deal with when one turns out to be a dud in the sack.

 

It will be a bit painfull when it comes to blows but in the long run it is best to cut your losses and get out of this situation asap. anything else will just prolong it and make it worse down the road. Keep in mind though, that the other guy probably realizes that it isn't working between you two and he would rather not get together again either.

[SwingingForFun 15]

The couple is actually VERY interested in playing again. She said my husband was a great fuck (can't say I blame her;)) and he said he knows he has to work on his stamina and that I gave a great BJ and the sex was good. Very flattering...but what he's done has worked for him and his partner for so long that I find it somewhat unbelieveable that he will "work" on anything for me. Does that make sense? The sex WASN'T good and neither was the oral. Well we chatted online and then met each other first to make sure there was chemistry before we played...there was chemistry so we played a soft swap at first and then this last time we all the way. In the soft swap I was mostly getting pleasured by my husband...this time around he was a tad busy with the other girl. My husband has already opened it for them to play with us again so they expect to play again...

[sweet_tna 680]

The couple is actually VERY interested in playing again. She said my husband was a great fuck (can't say I blame her;)) and he said he knows he has to work on his stamina and that I gave a great BJ and the sex was good. Very flattering...but what he's done has worked for him and his partner for so long that I find it somewhat unbelieveable that he will "work" on anything for me. Does that make sense? The sex WASN'T good and neither was the oral. Well we chatted online and then met each other first to make sure there was chemistry before we played...there was chemistry so we played a soft swap at first and then this last time we all the way. In the soft swap I was mostly getting pleasured by my husband...this time around he was a tad busy with the other girl. My husband has already opened it for them to play with us again so they expect to play again...

 

Who cares what they "expect"? You don't have to play with them if you don't want to. Simple as that. Your husband should respect your wishes. Maybe if he read this thread, he'd understand a little better how you feel. I hope you're able to work this out.

 

=)

[Additude 457]

Thats a tough call, but like going to any decent resturant, just because you didn't enjoy the food or service the first time doesn't necessarily mean it won't be good if you try the resturant again.

 

So, with that said I think you should give it another try because your hubby is in to it and has good reasoning with it besides just the sex part. I would also say the same thing that your hubby would owe you if it was the opposite scenario, if you loved it and your hubby wasn't so sure about the wife.

 

Every dog has it's day so who knows, down the road a while from now you might just have the opportunity to play your trump card and say to your hubby, "You remember Jack and Jill and how I did my thing for you"? "Well you owe me this one......

 

But besides that, I'm sure this other husband is looking for ways not to cum early and that's why he is pulling out and stopping, etc. which is ruining it for you. You did say when you were starting to get into it he'd slow down, stop, etc....so to me that says there is potential for you and this other hubby to have a great time. You also said the 4 of you have chemistry, so maybe it's worth another try.

 

Although it's not your duty, maybe you could suggest a cock ring or condom or them having sex earlier before you and your hubby meet them so as to de-sensitize his cock some so he won't feel like cumming early.

 

Talk to his wife about it, I'm sure with the fun she is having with your hubby and you she would be willing to work on her man and see what steps she could take to keep your friendship.You know these people well, so talk to them like friends. They'll respond.

 

Besides, you didn't really write that nice long post here and respond to posters because you wanted to drop them, now did you?

[Alura 2,775]

Perhaps you can help the other husband to become a more adept lover. I think a four-way conversation may help.

 

Early in our playing life we had a similar experience with a very nice couple we met. They had been married since their teens and had had no experiences with anyone other than each other. The lady and I had a great time together but her husband was not really good at either oral or intercourse. Mrs. Alura was disappointed.

 

Thinking that he had potential, Mrs. Alura started teaching him how to please her. One of his problems was that he'd never done any prolonged pussy eating and his tongue began to ache. I told him of a technique to build tongue strength, in which one licks the inside of a shot glass, beginning with ten minutes a day and increasing the time each day as the tongue strengthens. He was very diligent at doing his exercises. Mrs. Alura also coached him on exactly where to lick. He soon became much better at the art.

 

In the beginning, Mrs. Alura found that if she gave him oral to completion, he would soon be able to get it up again and last much longer. As he learned to keep an attitude of not wanting the fucking to end so soon, he no longer needed "the edge" to be taken off.

 

We could have just broken off the friendship and looked for someone else but they really were nice folks. The little bit of effort we spent improved the situation and left us all with a feeling of accomplishment. We played with the couple for several years.

 

Life and children got in the way, our meetings became rarer, and we eventually drifted apart as swingers often do. My guess is, if they still play, that wives have said to their husbands, "Wow! He really knows how to please a woman!"

 

Mr. Alura

[Additude 457]

I told him of a technique to build tongue strength, in which one licks the inside of a shot glass, beginning with ten minutes a day and increasing the time each day as the tongue strengthens. He was very diligent at doing his exercises. Mrs. Alura also coached him on exactly where to lick. He soon became much better at the art.

 

Same technique I employed, only I had to use a 12 oz beer glass...

 

 

OK, OK...I just had to be the first one to say it...

[it'sso 198]

Here's a news flash for you.

If it wasn't good for you, then you can bet that it was great for the guy, either.

I know a lot of guys can get off, even if they are only screwing a knot hole in a fence.

But, that isn't so for every guy.

If he was too small to get you going, you are likely too large to do much for him, too.

I doubt if the other couple would be offended if you and your husband decided to make this a one time encounter.

[socolais 696]

Whichever way you decide to go, have fun with it. I think no one would blame you if you decided that this couple is not what you're looking for - but I think it's also important to not burn any bridges. Time has a way of changing things, and sometimes for the better.

 

It sounds like you enjoyed the soft swap encounter with them. Maybe that's a good way to begin the next play session and then just go with the flow. I agree with the other comments about how he just might need a little instruction and guiadance from you on how to please you.

 

I would not want to use something like this situation as a bargining chip with my spouse and tell her that she "owes" me a particular favor in the future because of it. We both go into each play opportunity with an open mind and a blank scorecard - the scorecard always remains completely blank. Neither of "owe" the other for any past encounters.

 

Even when the sex is not so good, it can still be a fun time (with the right attitude).....

[kandoo 15]

It depends, sometimes sex for the first time with a new person can be awkward. Maybe he just felt awkward and nervous and not sure what you like and don't. Maybe next time would be better. If you really didn't enjoy it at all then don't do it again. But if it was OK, and you like the couple then try taking more control the next time so its better for you.

[shymxcpl 71]

What IF.....

 

Have you thought of doing a double threesome night. If I understand correctly, you and the other girl have played together. So why not do her husband first (and get that out of the way quickly) while your husband watches and gets in the mood and then turn on him for some action packed sexorama.

 

Make the best of the situation, dont you think?

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here--If you're up for it, I'd try to help this other guy become a better lover. And there's always first time jitters and he seems to have had them. Best thing to do is to say,"Next time, I'd like to try things this way and I bet things will go great." I did this once and the guy really listened, was not offended and we saw them for nearly a year until they moved.

 

His wife thanked me saying,"I don't know what having sex with you has done, but I'm having a better time because of it." What a wonderful endorsement.

[Guest rdy46227]

The couple is actually VERY interested in playing again. She said my husband was a great fuck (can't say I blame her;)) and he said he knows he has to work on his stamina and that I gave a great BJ and the sex was good. Very flattering...but what he's done has worked for him and his partner for so long that I find it somewhat unbelieveable that he will "work" on anything for me. Does that make sense? The sex WASN'T good and neither was the oral. Well we chatted online and then met each other first to make sure there was chemistry before we played...there was chemistry so we played a soft swap at first and then this last time we all the way. In the soft swap I was mostly getting pleasured by my husband...this time around he was a tad busy with the other girl. My husband has already opened it for them to play with us again so they expect to play again...

 

What happens if you do play, and you have a talk with the other man. i.e. educate him.

 

Pretend for this example that you and he just started seeing each other, you think he may be a keeper and so you had (no so great) sex. Do you abort the relationship, or do you invest a bit in him (another date) to see if he can (easily) be taught how your body works, how to give you pleasure?

 

Communication, etc. If he doesn't know, how can he get it right? Some men, after their head stops ringing from being hit with the 2x4, turn very cooperative.

 

Unfortunately, you make it sound like he's incorrigible. I hope that's more of a "first impression" and you can turn this into a win-win!

[BigirlandHubby 30]

This seems to be a very common situation. This has happened to us with 3 separate couples. I think men just get intimidated when their wife seems to be really enjoying the other guy.

 

We had a couple that we were VERY in to, and became fantastic friends with before we did the full swap thing. We tried swapping 3 times, and all 3 times I got on fantastically with the other wife, and he and my wife just didn't do anything (I am a bit more endowed than him, but he also had "issues" he told us about, he said we are the same age and I am more successful and it intimidated him that I could get it up if the wind blows right).

 

My wife felt like she was taking one for the team because he just didn't flirt with her, or seem like he wanted to be with her (and it was really messing with her self esteem) so we stopped seeing them. I felt bad, because our last encounter was only with her (with her husband's permission of course), and we were really fantastic friends outside the bedroom, and both my wife and I had strong chemistry with the woman in bed, it was just him who didn't seem into it.

 

Anyway, my advice is NEVER "take one for the team". There are more fish in the sea. We had an amazing thing with a couple we were good friends with, a wife who would come over to play alone with us (our unicorn!) and we gave it up because my wife just wasn't feeling it. I still see him all the time at the gym too, so it's tough for me because I like them as people.

 

I suggest you move on though... Ever since we moved on we have had so much less drama in our lives, my wife's self esteem is way up, and we have met some really nice couples on sls (and she is out with a "girlfriend" as we speak). If you are looking for couples, I find that finding ones you DO have full chemistry with doesn't take all that long and it's worth the effort.

[havefuninsun 122]

I agree with the above posts, and especially Mr. Alura's -- if you like the guy otherwise, give him a second chance. Truthfully, there have been very few times in my life that the first time I had sex with anyone (vanilla or not) that it was just awesome. I've actually come away with the thought "so, that was that?" -- for me, it's always gotten better. The more you're with someone, the more your bodies get intuned with each other.

 

Hopefully, he's willing to take clues and lessons as the Alura's friends were. Hard conversation? yes. But, it can be wonderfully beneficial if all goes well.

 

Keep us posted on what happens!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Reading this... I can't help but think the guy kept pulling out because he was going to cum too fast and wanted to hold it off and the only way to delay it was to stop and start again. If you do give it another try I would suggest trying to get him off orally first (or having his wife do it). If you can do this and get him to rise to the occasion again he should last longer. It sounds like he's getting more comfortable with you if he's gone from limp dick to cumming too fast.

 

That said, you should never be stuck taking one for the team. Yes he had a great time but you both need to have a great time. Perhaps you may want to approach the situation from the possibility of doing a threesome with just her, since you both enjoy HER. If they are open to swinging seperately this might be an option.

[bccpl77 15]

I know this is a little late, but if you feel there is at least some chemistry between you and the other guy, you may want to try a seperate room swap (provided you are all comfortable with that). You can take your time to show him what you like, without him feeling inferior to your husbands obviously superior performance. He seems to have stamina issues so you might also let him finish once if he feels he can recoup for a round two. Once your comfortable with each other it may be less awkward and more enjoyable for you. All that is provided you think they may be worth all the effort.

 

Unfortunately you are going to find something along these lines happens more often than not. We played with quite a few couples before we found people we both clicked with, both inside and outside the bedroom.

[safireblues 106]

This should be looked at in one of 2 ways...1) Did you have chemistry with him? 2) If you did, was it just that the sex was bad?

 

If you like him and you 2 have chemistry, I'd say try again. Sometimes people are with someone for a long time, and they don't know what YOU like, but that doesn't make them bad. For example, some guys like a blow job with a hand, some guys prefer all mouth. If your husband needed a strong hand to get off and you went and did the same thing to a new guy, he might hate your technique. Doesn't mean you can't suck cock, just means you didn't know the first time out how to suck HIS cock. The more experience you have sexually, the more you know the variations.

 

If he creeped you out or you otherwise had no chemistry, I wouldn't bother.

[safireblues 106]

Also, in re-reading your initial post, it all sounds like it wasn't conducive to you having a good time. Your husband really wanted to fuck the girl. You gave the other guy "a chance" to see what he could do. There's no indication that YOU wanted to fuck this guy.

 

If you don't want to fuck him, don't bother. The situation would naturally provoke jealousy--your husband and the woman have so much chemistry, I would think it would be hard to stand by and witness that while your husband is going nuts.

 

Tell your hubby you want to find a couple with a husband you find wildly attractive (or a single guy), and have that guy fuck the snot out of you in front of your husband. If he's not intimidated, I'll eat my hat!

[travcouple 15]

 

Tell your hubby you want to find a couple with a husband you find wildly attractive (or a single guy), and have that guy fuck the snot out of you in front of your husband. If he's not intimidated, I'll eat my hat!

 

I wouldn't be. We have been in a MFM situation many times and have yet to be with a couple or another woman. I love watching my wife getting pleasured any way she can.

[safireblues 106]

I meant "a couple", as in if they had the reverse situation, she and the other husband have crazy chemistry and is pounding away, while her husband feels merely lukewarm about the woman. I think that's a naturally intimidating situation.

 

Just one man fucking your wife (if that turns you on) can be really hot, just hard to compete when the couple next to you is so into each other and the other 2 are merely "eh".

[sexychoclit 32]

O.K. I am going to take a lot of heat for this one and I am prepared to take it.

 

Unless you have a husband who only wants to play with couples that you both are into sexually you will be "taking one for the team" a lot in the lifestyle. Sorry to say it but I think this is one of the biggest complaints for women in the lifestyle. It is harder for a woman to find a man who rocks their world than it is for a man to find a woman who he can get his rocks off with.

 

I believe (and yes I will get a lot of hate mail) that men are not hardwired to be with just one woman. For most of them NEW pussy is GOOD pussy. That is not the same for women. We like to get our groove on, but if you aren't hitting that spot then it is over for us.

 

I think that the big issue is why a man would put his wife through such a bad experience over and over again just because he is having fun? What would your husband say if while he was the other mans wife you went and found yourself a single stud and went to town with him? What if he didn't have anyone else to get with and he had to sit and watch you enjoy the stallion? If he were to be put in that situation then maybe he wouldn't be so quick to make you ride the donkey again.

 

Yet again, another one of the many blessings of being a single female. I can get with a couple & if either one of them doesn't do it for me then I can truly just be "friends" with them or I can walk away from them totally.

 

Oh what a life.........style. Now bring it on.