Promiscuity before swinging?

[OhioCouple 41]

We have had several topics/posts and discussions of late regarding sexual habits before seeking to be in or learn more about swinging in general. I am curious as to what led couples to the lifestyle in general and if their past sexual experiences played a major role in it.

 

Do you think that promiscuity in your past led you to the lifestyle?

 

Do you think the two are intertwined in some way?

 

In the poll it is designed for multiple answers so that those who choose to remain anonymous can but please do not choose more than two and you need to answer differently for each of you.

 

Lori

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This is an interesting topic, I'd like to see more people add their opinions regarding the possible connection of their earlier sex life and what they do now.

 

I will say that I think it plays a major part for me. I was quite promiscuous when I was single and while I was willing to give that up for the right guy (and did), I was very happy to find out that I didn't have to.

[lynn3 15]

This is both of our second marriage. But when we weren't married , it is safe to say that we generally just slept with the person we were dating at the time. If I wasn't in a relationship, I didn't have sex. Not that I didn't have much of a sex drive. But it certainly wasn't what it is now.

 

But that was long ago. Jim and I have been together a long time now....and that's a good thing.

[sportync 20]

Although I tend to like variety as much as the next guy, I would have to say that I really wasn't all that promiscuous before I married. Generally I've looked for people I could connect with, but if a good opportunity arose, so did I.(Not so for my wife). But in regard to how my prior sex-life has affected my current attitude, I would have to say that for many, many years my most profound fantasies have almost always involved more than two people. This has had a tremendous affect on my current situation, as now I can share these fantasies with my wife and when the situation is right, we can now turn them from simple fantasies into some very memorable erotic adventures. We've been together for 20 years, never cheated on each other( although there have been ample opportunities), and have a very passionate, loving and trusting relationship that accepts the fact that just because we're married it doesn't mean we're dead.

[babydragon 16]

I never really had a chance to be promiscuous, I always seemed to be in long term relationships, or just didn't bother with sex. I never really believed orgasms were real until I met my Hubby (thanks sweety).

 

We have a varied and loving sexual relationship, but sometimes I used to wonder about what I had been missing out on. So here we are, exploring every part of our sexual nature. Thanks to one friend I now know I am Bi.

 

I cant wait to find out about other things I missed out on.

[stoutgatte 25]

Hey there... I was a virgin (the guy, yes) and she had about 18 partners... For this arrangement to work I think one needs an open mind (from my side) and she was obviously very much into having a good time when she felt like it...

[Spoomonkey 421]

To be honest, I couldn't tell you how many partners I've had. My teen years were spent with a "no dating" rule that allowed me to pretty much hop from girlfriend to girlfriend with little trouble. Little wonder I was married at 18 with a kid on the way and a scholarship pulled away from me...

 

During my first marriage, things got easier to measure. I had one affair around year number seven, but was otherwise faithful.

 

Then I became single again - found Mrs Spoomonkey - discovered what really, really good sex is like - and then went and muddied the water again with this swinging stuff...

 

I'm not particularly proud of my promiscuous teen years, but at the same time, it wasn't to bad for a Spoomonkey...

[LadyCleo 16]

I had several sexual partners prior to this relationship. My husband, on the other hand, had not. In fact, I was his second partner.

 

I don't think that promiscuity necessarily leads to swinging.

 

I think that having an open mind leads people to swinging.

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

When I met Hubby he was the 5th partner I had. I was 17 when Hubby & I met. All the guys I was with I had some sort of a relationship with. He had quite a few more than I had. But since we have been married, I have had more partners. Most of the expereinces we have had have been mfm.

[TxCouple98 15]

He was my first....and as for him he has never given a number (not sure i want to know) I would assume he had his fair share and then some

 

I am not sure if number of people you've had sex with does it for us, but more that we have always been very open about what we both like and want to try sexually. I feel lucky that I found someone that I could be so open with on my first try

[Dave_kat 227]

Interesting topic, it's been something we've discussed with each other since before we started and our conclusions are as follows:

 

1. Both of us were higly sexually active before we got married. We were both club goers from 16 on, and well, raves were a thing of the times. Even when we were together (just living together while he was in college) we both had outside relationships, 3somes, 4 somes, just what we would consider normal sexual activity for people of our ages.

 

When we got married, it took us about 2 years to get bored with 1 on 1, which led to problems. So, our solution puts us here.

 

Which leads us to the next question: Is this the same type reason we see a lot of younger people getting into the lifestyle?

[Vespertine 31]

Hmm, Great question! I've often thought about this.

 

Before I married my hubby I didn't particularly care for relationships. I wasn't interested in devoting myself to just one person---

I was too young and wanted to enjoy my freedom!

(In fact, I only had two monogomous relationships.)

 

I was always able to separate sex from love. I didn't have many one night stands but had several male friends (hubby was one ) that I'd often have sex with (IF we were both unattatched). There were a couple of girls in our circle of friends that shared the same philosophy as me.

We never had group sex but sloppy seconds were common.

 

Coincidently, most of us paired up and married eachother.

 

Hubby and I always wondered if we were all "swingers-in-training".

[xxoticangel 99]

When we got together my husband was number 11. We had both been married and unfaithful before and labeled our relationship as "fuck buddies" for the first few months. When I was in H.S. I ran a mix group that varied between 8 and 12 other teens. We all hung out together, partied together, and had sex together. My partner would vary from day to day but it was always someone inside the clique. I guess I have been a swinger since then. Hubby is a little older and had a completely but very experienced youth too.

 

After I married I had a couple of affairs as a way to "get back" at my husband. I know now that it was wrong but I was young and felt trapped.

 

Quote

Do you think that promiscuity in your past led you to the lifestyle?

 

Do you think the two are intertwined in some way?

 

If I had not had the experiences of my youth I probably not be a swinger today. I was comfortable being naked, having public sex, and sharing when we started.

[BradAndJanet 70]

Both of us have always been monogamous throughout our lives, it's only now that we're breaking out of that mold. It seems that swingers come from all sorts of backgrounds from the responses so far.

 

I am envious though, of all of you who enjoyed so much casual sex in your past. I was way too shy in college and missed out on all that.

[xxoticangel 99]

Angel and I were talking about this post last night. I read her post and it doesn't give you a clear picture of what she was doing in her H.S. years.

 

It seems that the early 80's, when I was in H.S., and the late 80's, when she and my brother were, had a completely different attitude toward sex.

 

During my H.S. and military years picking up casual sex was fairly easy and normal. The difference was the closest I came to swinging was having sex with a girl in my barracks room while my roommate was having sex with a different girl in the same room. We took great pains to not be seen having sex or even naked and if you knew that a girl had been with another guy in your unit she was off limits. I had many different partners during those years but most were one-nighters picked up at some party or club. (Remember disco?)

 

Angel and my brother went to different schools but had very similar experiences. They were both part of a group that did everything together. My brother married one of the girls from his group and they are still best friends with another couple from the group. The major difference is that my brother became very conservative and my wife became even more sexually open.

[TeamSoBe 36]

Which leads us to the next question: Is this the same type reason we see a lot of younger people getting into the lifestyle?

 

Do you mean the Ecstacy?

 

I'd say yes.

[PotentialSwnger 15]

I was 17 and hubby was 18 when we first started dating.

 

Not that I'm proud, but he made my 17th sexual partner and I made his 18th sexual partner.

 

Not exactly something to be proud of, but there are no regrets... I know I learned a lot from my past encounters as I assume he did.

[Luna66 15]

My hubby and I both had a good number of partners before we were married. But have been monogomus since we started dating. I was big into group and bi fantasies. He was very reserved sexually when we meet. He is not any more! He always jokes I corrupted him. I was really shocked when he agreed to check out the lifestyle and is really into it.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

BradAndJanet said:

I am envious though, of all of you who enjoyed so much casual sex in your past. I was way too shy in college and missed out on all that.

I was wondering how long it would take to read a post that said what I felt.

 

I was raised to believe that you don't have sex unless you are in love. I was seventeen year old virgin when I met Mr LM in college. I fell in love, had sex, and I've had a monogamous vanilla sex life since. It's been fun, but over the past years I knew it could be better.

 

I did not blossom as a sexual being until the past year. I reached menopause and something hit me. I wanted to know what it's like to have sex with other people!

 

Sexual fantasy has always been a big part of my life and I wasn't going to keep my interest in sexual exploration from Mr LM any longer. It took guts bringing my needs up to him, but to my relief and surprise, he was very open to the idea of swinging.

 

He had lots of sexual experience before we met. I had none.

 

For me it has been my lack of a promiscuous life that has brought me to swinging.

[ionsawmill 86]

I had only had sex twice before we got married; three times if you count receiving oral as sex. Bill Clinton will have to answer that one for you.

 

She had been with several guys (4 or so) when she was in her mid-teens. Later, she swore off sex. I was her first after a very long dry spell.

[tandb 15]

"I did not blossom as a sexual being until the past year. I reached menopause and something hit me."

 

Wow, LikeMinds, Mrs. TandB has had the same experience! We wondered if some hormonal shift due to menopause was the reason for the tremendous increase in her libido.

 

We were highschool sweethearts and virgins when we met, we married young (over thirty years ago) and had a pretty "vanilla" sexlife until two or three years ago....then....

 

It is no longer vanilla.

[HotMoCpl 20]

Without giving reasons here, she's got experience over me.

[DaveNSheila 16]

We voted other because one of us was a little wilder than the other. D was single before we got together so was introduced to the swinger lifestyle while living in Arizona. S was married and only had sex with hubby at time. Now we are each others first ex so this is basically S's 3rd marriage and my 4th. D

[allycat 15]

I was very promiscuous before my marriage. I felt like I was really confined and smothered by my marriage before we made the decision to swing.I had several affairs before we even took the plunge as a couple. I bugged him to death and I really think he was going to leave me.We finally did it as a couple with a friend of mine from work and her hubby. He knew them both and felt comfortable and they lived happily ever after!

[turrywolez 16]

I (her) was a poster child for "the more the merrier" and Dick had only been with 1 one night stand and one other relationsip before me. so I was his 3rd and I had been around the block a few times shall we say.

[NaughtyKitten 16]

We were both quite sexually active before we met but I tend to be the wilder one. He had more long term relationships than I. We have been monogamous since we met 13 years ago. As I posted on another thread there was a near cheating experience in our marriage. That is what got us talking more (we had talked before) about swinging. We realized we both had desires to be with others sexually and that we didn't want it to be thru cheating but through shared experiences. This is an interesting thread.

[autumn528 16]

We were at opposite ends of the spectrum. I played in bands during my twenties and lived sort of a "rock-n-roll life". I was a bit of a male whore. Mrs. A on the other hand married her high school sweetheart and was with the same guy for 13 years. So the answer is I was promiscuous and she wasn't. BUT, once we got together we were very open with each other. She no longer felt the need to surpress her feelings(her ex was/is a dick with a big ego) and I didn't have to hide my natural kinkiness(my ex too was/is an asshole) we have been able to explore and enjoy each other as partners in every thing we do.

[traveler259 15]

Interesting this showed up today for some reason I felt compelled to look back last night and count what my life was like before I go married 20 years ago. My wife was # 16 and we were married when I was 25. I was a teen in the 70's I was probably below average. My wife admits to one other lover, but doesn't talk about it much. We have been mono for 20 years but are considering taking the leap into the life style or at least sticking our toe in. The fantacies are driving me crazy, but Mrs isn't ready yet -- so we wait patiently -- If we had run into nudism and the life style when we first got married I am sure we would be hard core today. We may be in our 50 by the time we get around to start -- but I am getting off topic. Great thread -- love this board!!!-

[Estaque 15]

16 years of monogamous marriage is what eventually led us to swing. It took us that long to become so secure with one another that we could actually feel comfortable with sharing one another with anyone else. I guess we finally figured out that sex is not love.

[funforall 25]

T is a lot more experienced than me. She and her ex were into the lifestyle. She had a couple of pretty good stories of her past that I really enjoyed. I on the other hand never had sex in a room with anyone else in it let alone joining. LOL Save for my first wife as she was pressuring me for marriage, wanted to know why I wouldn't marry her. Looking for a way out I said there was things that I wanted to do before I got married.

 

She said name them.

 

I said a threesome.

 

Next night she brought home a girlfriend of hers and we had a fantastic time. LOL

 

She said there would be a lot more of that and the next thing I know I was saying I do. LOL

 

Glad to say that marriage ended badly for I was able to meet and marry my dream girl.

 

She told me about her past experiences and even brought me to my first swinger club where we proceeded to have sex in a room full of onlooking people. This is the first relationship that I have ever had where I could be myself and say what is on my mind. We talk about everything and feel we are on a completely different wave length than anyone else.

[marlinspike 15]

I am married to my second wife and we have been active in the lifestyle.

 

An incident that happened while I was married to wife #1 turned me toward the lifestyle. Late one night #1 sneaked out of the apartment enroute to a late night session with a boyfriend down the street. I just happened to see her in the glow of a streetlight and knew her immediately by her figure. I followed and caught her in a sex act with her boyfriend. Then I realized that she had been screwing other guys for years. We had 4 kids and divorce was undesireable.

 

I learned about the lifestyle and rationalized that I could use #1's need for extramarital sex as a ticket for my pleasure too. We went to swing clubs together. There were unexplained absences that suggested that swinging with me did not fully meet her needs. We finally seperated. I met a nice widow and soon the widow and I were actively swinging.

 

After all the kids were 18 or older, #1 and I were divorced.

 

Within 6 months, I was married to wife #2. She had never been married, but told me about her prior very active sex life.

 

We became practicing nudists and eventually began swinging together. But there is no cheating by either of us.

[sportync 20]

In nearly every relationship I've witnessed during my life, one partner has controlled the bedroom activities...and it was almost always the one with the least desire for sexual activity. Almost, but definately not always, it was the woman...after all, it was her body which was going to be penetrated, so it was usually up to her how, when, how often and by whom this would happen. Only in couples who have embraced the lifestyle have I seen the liberty where each partner was free to express their own sexual fantasies and desires with the one they love, and still remain in love and on each other's side, as a couple should be. This takes a tremendous amount of trust, respect, self respect, communication and devotion to the idea that you truely want your mate to enjoy themselves to the fullest extent possible, and you also have a burning desire to share this experience with them... to be part of it, then to re-affirm your love afterwards. This, to me, is the essence of "Swinging". If it doesn't include your mate, then why do you have one? Sportync

[Sunswept 161]

I didn't loose my virginity till I got to college, my first was a very advanced girl, very unconventional, and in my our first night she took a very naive me into every imaginable realm, she squirted, was into anal, knew prostate massage, how to control a guys orgasm.. she was wild. I had heard the other guys talk about her and she scared a lot of them. But since I knew nothing about sex, what happened became my idea of a "norm". We became an item, she was bi, and there was a group of other students that were comfortable with more unlimited forms of sexual expression we played with, so my college years were very sexually free, and having multiple partners was no big deal, here I learned the joy of seeing my partner blossom, and her pleasure at seeing me blossom.

 

Then after school I dated, but noticed the real world was far different from what I had gotten use to in school. I got a career, settled down. Fell in love, got married. It was a monoganomous relationship, sexually a different life for me. The marrage was very troubled, she was bi-polar..she used cheating as an anti-depressant.. I had to walk a straight line and be there to clean up the messes.. until I burned out... we both decided to end it after 15 yrs.

 

Had a few "transitional" relationships after that, then met a remarkable woman. Something about us just "clicked", we became an item. Turned out she was bi, and her college life had been so similar to mine but she kept exploring, where I had become serious and conventional. It was like being reborn, I had closed down, she opened me. We never married, but we were in total love with each other and were together for more than a decade till she passed. From beginning to end, it was intensely loving, intensely sexual, intensely honest. She introduced me to "swinging" per se... had never thought what I had done in college as swinging. What I had experienced back in my college days definately helped me ease into swinging, as did the total honesty,love and commitment we had with each other. But I think that even had I been clueless about sex with others, with her it would have still been an easy initiation. As everyone knows, your partner makes all the difference.

[twobears 16]

Well, for myself I was fighting to get out of the mold, I found that a good description, one other couple used it. I could remember going against the normal, wanted to be different in all my attitudes as well as behavior. I grow up on a farm and felt very close to nature, and it was a part of that feeling that gave me the inside desire to know what way it should be, I knew as a child that something was dishonest with society. I had a high sex drive and masturbation was a big part of my life. I lose my virginity very early. I feel that in most cases, young females are not usually as active as I was, the males are I think, don't really know, that might be another question. My husband was a virgin until he went in the Navy at a young 19 years old. He was actively playing with girls by the age of 10 or 11 years old, mostly just touchy feely and oral sex. My husband says that he knew he liked girls at a very young age. We are in the lifestyle now because I want to explore my sexuality, I have let myself be me a little and fine I like the ladies as much as my husband. lol

[Jamie&Kieth 36]

Both my husband & I were fairly active prior to getting together (we both met in college, I was a sophmore, he was a junior).

 

I actually was going out with his roomate, my roomate was going out with my current husband ... small world ... which eventally led us to "swinging" with each other

[SluttyWife 17]

I think it could go either way, really. I found myself pining for all the attentions I had (really slutty past) and found acceptance (and much safer fun) for this sort of behaviour "in the lifestyle." I've met my share of couples though...many who have been drawn to swinging from a completely opposite place and wanting to make up for lost time and opportunity.

[JDApopka 54]

I had a couple of experences, wife still claims I was her first . I know that one thing that led to our first mfm is the fact that I wanted her to experience other cocks thinking that i was not good enough. thankfully I found out that I was just fine.

[clit pro poet 15]

We're both of pretty high sex drive, so the "fit" was and remains good in that respect. Of our interest in others - especially couples... Fun and lust; lust and fun. And dollops of interesting people and circumstances, enjoyment of one another, conversations, prolonged acquaintanceships, even friendship.

[alicat69 16]

Quote

 

Quote by Alleycat:

I was very promiscuous before my marriage.

 

 

Amen sister. I was one of the people who wrote 'the more the merrier'. I grew up on on a horse farm and I knew how nature worked. I am not proud of it, but I really couldn't tell you the last names of 1/4 of the people I have been with. I was really lucky not to catch anything... My husband also had more than his fair share. We are just proceeding with caution on adding new people now, because truly we are satisfied with each other and we have been with enough people to know we are the best for each other, but... variety is the spice of life.

[fj0065 15]

I was a virgin before I met my husband, he on the other hand was trysexual let's just leave it at that.

 

Curious Angel

[ratimadan 75]

Wife was virgin when we got married. I (M) had several girlfriends and had a few sexual encounters and experiences. Since we got married we have been faithful to each other and have not cheated.

 

The temptation to cheat diminished when we started to consider swinging. We now believe that the lifestyle provides the way for both husband and wife to enjoy more than one sexual partner, avoid boredom in the bedroom and enrich the sexual experience without any sense of guilt.

 

Since our marriage is secure we are able to discuss openly among the two of us what would it be like to swap mates with another couple that we met and liked. We can talk freely about swapping mates in bed to enjoy sexual intercourse with her/him.

 

So, all in all we do not see our swinging lifestyle having anything to do with the past sexual experiences. Perhaps we as human beings are innately nonmonogamous and require multiple partners to fulfill our true sexual desires, wants and needs.

[admiral55 15]

When we met, I was the swinger and the Mrs was "SEX? What's that?" We've been together for 15 years and she hasn't changed. She won't swing with me, and she says I better not bring her anything back (like VD or AIDS). She has been promising to take a step out with me but keeps chickening out. Oh well.

[sereneiders 263]

I answered "We were both highly active with different partners before meeting.", altough I think for my wyfe the previous option could fit better.

 

Anyway, we began being "friends with extra rights", by then I was jumping from bed to bed, sicnce my wyfe was a friend by then, she actually knew some of my lovers (she used to comment on them), and it was later one that our friendship became a partnership. However, we always keep the original approcah about the "extra rights" which turned into an explicit permission to have extra affairs, but anyway we (I) didn't feelt confortable with the extra affairs idea, and we ended up being monogamous just because we both wanted to. So I gess mine deserve to be the chosen answer for both.

 

As for me, I was THIS close to a threesome MFF by then in two oportunities (damn, it didn't happend), and use to fool around with a GF and her best friend, you know, in parties, even in the streets, kissing them both alternatelly just to tease people around :-) that's the closest I got to swinging by then.

[S&E 15]

Our beginnings,

 

S (he) was the poster child for the more the merrier between age 16 and marriage at 25, we are talking in the 100's of different partners, not many one night stands, maybe 20 or so, most were repeat performances, getting together every couple weeks for recreational sex, these were the good years of casual sex before AIDS. While today it would be foolish and dangerous today, S had the luck of the gods and got thru those years without catching anything, the experience and diversity gained was immeasurable. S had a number of partners who were older than him, they were in the 30-45 age range, so at least 10 years older than S, who in retrospect benefited him more than he will ever know, as they trained him right how to treat a woman at a young age which has paid its pleasurable dividends over that past 20+ years. E (her) had no other partners other than S before marriage. After 20 years of great monogamous marriage and we now play & explore together allowing E to see what she missed during her younger years. S has shared his experiences with E and encouraged E to take her sexuality to the fullest and explore without limits.

[funcpl4life 51]

She had had about 35 partners when we met. She was my third.

 

She was 19 and I was 23.

 

I've slept with far more women since we met/married than before. We were completely monogamous for about 5 years and then opened things up.

 

"Why can't you just cheat on each other and divorce like normal people."

 

Mr. FC4L

[cumhungrycouple 15]

Well I had many and wife 1 + few BJ's (but that's Asia for you)

 

But either of us are only comfortable swinging as we know we wouldnt cheat on each other if we didnt swing. If one says stop thats it no argument.

 

Many things a couple can do for sexy fun. Outdoors/risky places, making home porn and watching others porn. As well as keeping romance alive with weekends away and dressing up etc. Thats a lot of fun!

 

We just like the extra things 3+ can do 2 cant - like cocks for mouth+pussy+anal, hands and mouths for breasts, ears and anywhere all at once!

 

Extra possibilities NOT "legitamate" cheating surely is the core to swinging? or do most do it to get extra experiences with others more 1on1 ? Most seem to want same bed full swap at least in Asia

 

As you may guess we dont do "wife swapping" just full on 3some/group

 

One thing I noticed in Asia before meeting the wife was that female married friends 35+ who normally married as virgins were going off to gang bangs to make up for "lost time". There husbands were off cheating so they wanted to "get some" as well. Often divorce isnt an option as man will not support the wife or kids. They wanted me as a partner as being western I know to keep my mouth shut. I said no thanks "not my thing". Hate to run into them now though "you said..."

 

So being a virgin at marriage may result in swinging later to even the score up in USA as well??????

[Karenandtom4you 15]

Both my husband and I had a few experiences before marriage. but in the 60's and early 70's just having sex for the fun of it -was less common than today.

 

Swinging is not being promiscuous - as I see it. It is about communication, and giving yourself permission to be who you are and enjoying your sexuality with others.

 

We first had to un-play many of the tapes in our head-like "what would mom think" or "what would or religion think" We finally decided that what we think and do is most important-and we have found swinging a great way to enjoy our sexuality with others-and meet some very nice people in the process.

[cj22s 15]

We lost our virginity to each other. I did play around quit a bit before we started dating (no sex). I am the only person he ever dated. I guess we are kinda playing catch up now. lol

[danni654 16]

Our former promiscuity and a high sex drive combined for the need to swing. Our emotional bind and maturity level helps, too. Plus we both firmly believe that the human species is not built to be monogamous. Emotionally, yes...but not sexually.

[MissKat 15]

I've never looked at myself as being promiscuous or otherwise (its not my call) so Id say that a willingness to experiment sexually was what led me to swinging. Some people might view that willingness as promiscuity and that's cool with me as I had a very good time on the road to the lifestyle LOL