Face Pic on SLS

[wewannabebad2 85]

Ok...I have a question. Should I put a face pic of me on sls? My hubby's pic I'll send on request because that's his wishes.

 

I've also been told to post pics of me in my wheelchair so people can decide right away if they even wanna chat with me. Now IMO if someone won't even chat with me because I have wheels to me that makes them shallow.

[rpu3 630]

I keep face pics in a private gallery, which is opened only if both we agree we wish to open it to the OP.

 

As to the wheelchair pics, I personally think it might be most fair to post a pic, or move your disclosure closer to the top. Perhaps not a popular or PC opinion, but many people have limited time, and they want what they want, shallow or not, and they may want to know these things upfront and they may not read all the profile to see your disclosure. It's no different than people wanting others to post true and accurate pictures of their current body type/shape or to disclose herpes upfront, etc. I've noticed that some people become resentful if they feel their time has been wasted by misrepresentations or omissions of things they consider important. But, like all else on this Board, it's only an opinion. You have to do what's right for you, but somepeople ARE shallow, especially in rec. sex domain.

 

Shallow of others? Perhaps. There are others, however, whom it won't make a difference, and those who appreciate the straight-up honesty as much as your looks, etc.

[wewannabebad2 85]

Ty for your reply.*s* Our face pics are currently private and the more I think about it I think they'll stay that wayy.

I understand what your saying and I think ppls closed minded shallowness is why my hubby no longer wants to swing. He's given me permision to have a girlfriend if I happen to find one and we'll still play together at our fav club, but other than that he's done. It really is a shame that ppl are the way they are.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

I think if you want to put a better public picture on sls for reasons of better advertisement. I see nothing wrong with that. I mean, we did. Mrs.fun takes care of that area and she has changed her picture recently. Its because sometimes we were on a slow mode and would rather people pass us up more. But for now, she is looking more for females. Most females are free members and can only see the public picture so she has put a public pic that catches the eye more. I see the public pics as just that, advertisement. We have pics of both of us in our private gallery So there ya have it, their going to be able to see something of interest from the get go.

 

Now as far as your mentioning your in a wheel chair. I agree, if that is causing people an issue and they are chatting, and then disappearing after chatting and finding out. Is it because they didn't catch it in your profile? Yes, you could move it closer to the top in your profile. Some people are shallow, maybe they are just uncomfortable with your situation and didn't read your entire profile like I would. But like us, I have a sister with MS and Mrs.fun has a sister with a handicap as well. A wheel chair is not that big a deal to us. I could see others having an issue. We cant expect others to feel the same.

[two42lovers 273]

"...they may want to know these things upfront and they may not read all the profile to see your disclosure."

 

Definately agree, but a big part of my brain wants to say "too damm bad!" If they don't read the profile, the only real consideration is what is most convienient for wewannabebad2. People who cut off communication (because they suddenly learn something they could have known by simply reading the profile) are not the kind of people she wants to meet - so who cares what they think? Why change anything to cater to them? If she'd like potential playmates to consider a variety of things about her - not just the wheelchair - maybe she wants to keep it down in the body of her narrative?

 

If she'd rather put it up-front in order to avoid morons who contact her without even reading her profile, and then suddenly cut it off because they finally get a clue, it's makes sense. She should suit herself.

 

As for pics, yes - you need some good public pics. In the situation you are in, it's doubly important. The right kind of pics could go a long way in helping people who are uneducated/unaware feel more comfortable. The unknown is uncomfortable. Pics that show you in a good way can help people get past their discomfort to see the real you. Good luck sweetie!

[wewannabebad2 85]

Fun4D's ty for replying.*s* Well when I chat with new ppl I tell them up front and just assume they have NOT read our profile. I guess I don't consider my chair a prob because it doesn't stop me from doing what I want. Since I've never walked I actually feel sorry for ppl who can walk. I mean it looks so uncomfortable and all I hear is ppl complain about sore feet and tired legs...its gotta suck!*LOL*

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

As to the wheelchair pics, I personally think it might be most fair to post a pic, or move your disclosure closer to the top. Perhaps not a popular or PC opinion, but many people have limited time, and they want what they want, shallow or not, and they may want to know these things upfront and they may not read all the profile to see your disclosure.

 

Most people look at pictures before they look even read a profile. If I were in your shoes I'd rather them go on by if they are bothered by the chair than even bother reading. And if your profile is more than just a few lines they may even miss that bit of information as they are concentrating on the things they see that they feel are matches to them. I have found for me that on longer profiles I often miss things and when I go back and read again I'm like "oh I didn't see that".

 

Definately agree, but a big part of my brain wants to say "too damm bad!" If they don't read the profile, the only real consideration is what is most convienient for wewannabebad2. People who cut off communication (because they suddenly learn something they could have known by simply reading the profile) are not the kind of people she wants to meet - so who cares what they think? Why change anything to cater to them?

 

While I agree with you in principle, I don't see this as catering to them. I see it as more cutting down on her own hurt and dissapointment. Again, if I were in her shoes, I'd much rather not even be contacted by these people than feel the hurt of having them contact me with me thinking they are interested and ok with my situation only to discover that they really weren't later on.

 

By posting a pic of the wheelie front and center, there's no doubt they know. You'll get less responses overall but those you get will be of much higher quality.

[wewannabebad2 85]

Well, as my hubby says "It's there loss because I'm a hellcat in bed". He says he has his hands full and his dick occupied with me, thats why he can walk away from this so easily.*evil smile*

[sexcupid 809]

Actually, you are local to us and I think that your profile has popped up as one of our 'random matching members with pictures' on our SLS homepage.

 

Would your disablility stop us from contacting you? Not necessarily, but the lack of pictures would. There are plenty of was to crop and edit pictures to be able to show others what you look like with out having to show face pics. While your default pic of your eyes is pretty neat, it certainly wouldn't inspire me to contact you. The vast majority of people in the lifestyle are concerned with discretion, but it's not like we're saying you should post a full length shot of you and hubby in front of your house, with the numbers clearly showing, near a street sign. (I will clarify that was a joke...altho apparently one of our friends had a person able to do a 'drive by' on their house just based on the zip code and some of the pics in their front yard...and they live in a pretty big zip code just outside of SA...that was one determined person I tell you!)

 

If that is shallow of me, you are entitled to think so. But I also read the entire profile as well as look at pics (where my sweetie is usually a picture looker lol ). However, many people do look at the pictures as a way to determine if they want to contact you, not matter how well written your profile is.

 

If it is to your comfort level, post whatever pics you like to the public part of your profile.

[wewannabebad2 85]

You pop up on our quick match too sexcupid.*s* No, I don't see you as shallow. *s* I see ppl who read/hear/see "wheelchair" and run like a bat outta hell as being shallow. I liken it to me reading/hearing/seeing someone wearing blue shoes and me freaking out and running away. My wheelchair doesn't define me as a person, it just gets me around.*s* Oh, if you want pics just ask...lol

[sexcupid 809]

You pop up on our quick match too sexcupid.*s* No, I don't see you as shallow. *s* I see ppl who read/hear/see wheelchair and run like a bat outta hell as being shallow. I liken it to me reading/hearing/seeing someone wearing blue shoes and me freaking out and running away. My wheelchair doesn't define me as a person, it just gets me around.*s* Oh, if you want pics just ask...lol

 

Well...I guess we're in luck...we don't have any blue shoes...rotflmao

 

I'll be just a bit honest here, I think for many folks that the wheelchair would be more of a curiosity or something that makes them uncomfortable. I mean, obviously it's not because of you per se...it's just something that they are not used to deal with and are unsure of how to proceed. So instead of inserting themselves into an awkward social situation, they just avoid it so they don't embarass themselves by staring/being afraid of asking the wrong questions/etc.

 

We have been attending a local groups hotel parties recently, you may want to check them out. Very low pressure environment, lots of friendly people, generally a good time...the 'action' is not all in the clubs so to speak, and we're all there for the same reason...to dance of course....

[ncmd_couple 597]

Wewanna,

 

The main thing is for each of you to do what you are comfortable with. I read your profile on SLS and if we were in Texas, we would contact you if you had a couple of pics up. Like others, I would suggest cropped or blurred pics as we do. The fact that you are in a wheel chair wouldn't bother us at all.

 

S

[westchestercple 15]

I agree with many of the other posts. We are not in Texas, but the wheel chair is not an issue for us if not for you. We also keep all face pics in the private gallery and open it up after a couple of emails, if we might click and they are local. It is a good idea to have profile pics with them cropped or blurred to protect your privacy. Enjoy!

[WesternSwing 504]

As far as public face pics on your profile? Do what you are comfortable with. We used to have a couple fully clothed, candid face pics public on our profile, but when Mrs. WS got a job with a big company and actually started seeing people around the building, in the elevator, etc. that she knew from the Lifestyle, she took her face pics off. She couldn't get fired for it because of her employers diversity policy (and believe me, it is diverse, watching people leave her work is like watching the Earthlink fictional characters commercial ), but my job is with a small brokerage owned by a very religious LDS person, and though they wouldn't find me on there, someone else might and let the cat out of the bag and being a "right to work" state that's all the reason they'd need to let me go. So we've made all our face pics private and just show clothed and mostly clothed body pics on our profile. We still get plenty of hits that way.

 

Now to show or not to show the wheelchair? I agree with Julie, put it in your primary photo or at least in your public photos. It will save you time with those that would for one reason or another not be down with that. Whether to show your face in that photo is your choice.

 

Now would the wheelchair scare me away as a guy? No. It wouldn't worry Mrs. WS either. There is a guy in the lifestyle that is wheelchair bound and he gets plenty of action because he's a good looking guy with a great personality, and you should see he cut a rug in that chair! The wife in the first couple we were ever with (and they are still great friends of ours to this day) is a diabetic and has a pump on all the time. Although not a visible as a wheel chair, it was something we just work around when we play. Her husband said it does freak some guys out with the tube stuck in her hip and the little box on the side of the mattress (sometimes she's in a place physically where she can't disconnect from it for a while), but those are guys they wouldn't want to play with anyway.

 

Mr. WS

[belgiumcoast 55]

We're not on SLS but on a local (Belgium dating site)

We have masked pics in our public profile, clothed people in our private section who we show to people in who we are interested and ask for them. We only send nude pics with couple we know in person or if we have been chatting with them for a very long time and trust them completely.

About your wheelchair: if we we're you we would put it in our profile or at least in our private pics. For us it wouldn't be a turndown if we knew it upfront, we would have to swallow very hard if we had to find it out on a first date...

[xyzzy07 15]

I agree that a picture or earlier mention of the wheelchair would be good, just to reduce awkwardness. It wouldn't keep me from contacting you if you seemed like an interesting couple (which you, in fact, seem to be). However, I'm with a previous poster: the picture you have doesn't grab my attention.

[wewannabebad2 85]

Ok, just to reiterate. Everyone we have ever met or chatted with has known from the get go about my chair. I still don't understand the big deal, but my parents raised me like and other kids. I ran the whole childhood gauntlet...terrible two's/ running...errrr wheeling away from home/dating/sneaking out/prom/graduation/moving out/giving my first blow job *hehehe*/college/working for jack asses and marriage. I am just like everyone else, but I have wheels to get me around and I take the time to get to know ppl because I know how bad it hurts to be judged and sentinced to exile because of physical flaws that I have no control over. I know that ppl are in this lifestyle to get what they want or think they want and thats cool. I think a few have already come to the same conclusion as me that you can't always judge a book by its cover.

[theboy 175]

I know that ppl are in this lifestyle to get what they want or think they want and thats cool. I think a few have already come to the same conclusion as me that you can't always judge a book by its cover.

 

You know, I've been thinking about this wheelchair post since I read it the other day. I think that the main concerns I would have as someone who hasn't spent much time with people in wheelchairs would be mostly mechanical, and whether or there'd be any 'feeling' down there. You've already mentioned that would be the case.

 

So then with that settled, I think the next things on my mind would be the same whether or not you're in a chair. Attitude, attraction, all that. There've been several couples whom we would not have ever thought to contact that we've met through other means that have ended up being fantastic to get to know. We've had several 'can't judge a book by its' cover' moments.

[lotsoffun201 175]

Wewannabebad.......I don't think I would post public face pics, since even if you only post yours, others might equate you with your husband. You are better off setting them to private. We have pics on another site without faces since it is our wish to remain discreet untill necessary.

 

As far as the wheelchair goes, well this little proverb in my industry goes a long way.

 

SOME OF THE NICEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD HAVE 4 BIG ROUND FEET.

 

I sincerely hope that you take that little proverb with you

[Guest screaminggood]

I agree that if your husband is concerned about the sites blowing his cover, it would be best to keep your pictures available upon request, or do something that's not a face shot.

 

The wheelchair, for me, would bring up the question of your parameters. I know your profile says you can "feel," but to be honest with you, the sentence makes you sound ultra-passive like you won't have any response at all. If it's not the case, you might want to add a little more to it about what you like to do and/or can do...go with the positive as you're certain to hit upon someone's favorite activities.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

 

The wheelchair, for me, would bring up the question of your parameters. I know your profile says you can "feel," but to be honest with you, the sentence makes you sound ultra-passive like you won't have any response at all. If it's not the case, you might want to add a little more to it about what you like to do and/or can do...go with the positive as you're certain to hit upon someone's favorite activities.

 

Good thought. Perhaps even some descriptions of HOW you do go about having sex, because I agree that many people may think "oh she's in a wheelchair, it's going to be me doing all the work". If that's the case, they may pass you by just on that count.

[wewannabebad2 85]

Describe HOW I have sex??*LOL* That could get pretty damn graffic especially if I used yesterday as an example.*LMAO* I thought that the fun of swinging was learning about your partner while playing, not handing them instructions.

[two42lovers 273]

I thought that the fun of swinging was learning about your partner while playing, not handing them instructions.

 

If that's how you feel, and you're not worried about "the one that got away", stick to your guns. You aren't the only one who feels that way. We've seen several profiles that say "don't send us pics showing your penis, I know you have one and I prefer not seeing it until we get naked together." Not the same thing, but similar in they like the "mystery". (Makes me think, yeah, but surprises can be unpleasant...)

 

We had a couple email us recently. Turned out they had two major rules: no intercourse, and no oral for the guys (it was OK between the women -lol!) It took several emails to get this out of them - wish they had just put their preferances in their profile. It would have saved time and the frustration of having to exchange many emails to learn something we should have been told up front.

 

We like to have at least some idea about the kind of sex a potential playmate enjoys, and how they like to go about it. Seems doubly important in your case, because of ignorance about people in wheelchairs in general, and about your physical situation in particular. Keep in mind, as brand new to swinging, you also have all the newbee issues and disadvantages. The wheelchair thing is likely going to make finding your first few couples harder, so deal with it head on. Who knows, perhaps you can actually make it work to your advantage. Show how much fun it is to be with you. Unique and different can be a very good thing.

 

Wish we weren't so far apart - we'd love to meet you two!

[wewannabebad2 85]

Well, I admit I'm one of those ppl who doesn't wanna see penis pics. I mean pictures can be deceiving. Before I met my hubby I only weighed 102lbs but in my pics I looked freakin fat.*lol*

I look at it like this, we can work with what you have because if I'm not gettin what I need I'm not afraid to pull out my toys and show you how to work them then tell you to "go for it and to NOT stop till I either beg you to or pass out".

I don't mind letting a partner know what I like, but thats AFTER we've talked about playing. I adapt myself to my surroundings everyday without complaint and I have never ask for anything that wasn't absolutly necessary but having to prove your worth ppls time every second of every minute of every hour gets to become a hard pill to swallow.

[vanillaknot 99]

...I personally think it might be most fair to post a pic, or move your disclosure closer to the top.

It's one valid point, but I have to observe that their profile (today, at least) mentions her wheels in the tag line, right at the top:

 

"Just looking for fun...is my wifes wheelchair really that big of a problem?"

[wewannabebad2 85]

Well, we took ppls advice so we'll see how it goes.

[rpu3 630]

It's one valid point, but I have to observe that their profile (today, at least) mentions her wheels in the tag line

 

My point was posted after looking on Sunday...

 

Well, we took ppls advice so we'll see how it goes.

 

I like your new opening tag - if that doesn't make it perfectly clear, I don't know what else would! And I don't know how anyone could miss it. I hope it cuts down on the disappearing act you've experienced.

[wewannabebad2 85]

Well, we've beed watching the view counter since hubby posted that tag line. We normally get perved a minimum of 10 times a day. Yesterday it totaled 0...lol

[two42lovers 273]

We talked this morning, and for what it's worth, we don't think you should put it on your tag line. Your tag line should be something enticing, to make people want to read your profile. Our advice is to avoid stating it in negative terms. (i.e. "is my wife's wheelchair that big of a problem?") We think you already have it covered pretty well in your narrative. If you decide to move that paragraph up a little bit, fine, but we don't think you need to.

[rpu3 630]

We talked this morning, and for what it's worth, we don't think you should put it on your tag line. Your tag line should be something enticing, to make people want to read your profile. Our advice is to avoid stating it in negative terms. (i.e. "is my wife's wheelchair that big of a problem?")

 

Ohhhh... I didn't even consider that the tag line shows up in the search results - front and center.

 

I liked the in-your-face directness about it this morning, because it was right there, but the fact that the tag shows on the search result page is an interesting point and not one I considered until I tried running a search to see how it shows up.

 

I'm all for the honesty up front as to moving it up where people can't miss it in order to reduce the number of disappearing acts (if that's what you want in the first place). But not necessarily at the expense of losing a lot of views or consideration.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I'm not a big fan of tag lines that give off a negative vibe. You know the ones: "Is anyone on here for real?", "No Drama wanted", "No Single Men!", etc, etc.

 

So, what we need to do is make that wheelchair an asset, and a good teaser for the tag line, or the first paragraph. How can you use words to intrigue and interest your potential play friends?

 

I'm not sure how well my thought process is transferring into this post, but I guess what I am saying is that we're all trying to sell ourselves in our ads, and we must all find a way to take our unique characteristics and make them a selling point. I think with the right mind-set, you guys can do just that.

 

Best of luck to you!

[wewannabebad2 85]

Ok, I changed the tag line and rearranged a couple of things. So, does it look better?

[sexcupid 809]

Looks good

[ncmd_couple 597]

I think that their profileis good.

[rpu3 630]

Good!

 

Hopefully you see a change in stats!

[wewannabebad2 85]

Thanks for all your help. I'm gonna monitor how often we get perved for a couple of days. Then I'll tweak our profile again.