Her rules changed when her husband wasn't in the room

[ecoupleca 16]

Hello all. First I would like to say that I think women interested in the lifestyle are special. Whether experienced, newbi's or those experimenting I find you all amazing and I enjoy the time I get to spend with you and never take a moment of it for granted. Recently my partner met a couple on line and arranged for us to meet. We met a a restaurant and all showed up which was a plus. We had some drinks danced and had fun conversation. In that coversation the couple noted it was their first time in a full swap and noted that they wanted to be sure if we did get into it that NO means NO, STOP means STOP, "she doesn't swallow and she is not into anal". Well OK no problem we are interested in fun and appreciate everyones concerns.

 

We then decided to go to our house. When we got there after a few more drinks I described the bedroom set up and took his wife by the hand invited them in the same room to join us then led her into one of the bedrooms. (We as a couple enjoy seperate rooms). My wife and her partner never joined us and that was fine with us. To make a long story short after we were at it for some time she went down on me and when I was ready to cum I tryed to pull back, tapped gently on her head but to no avail, so I exploded in her. Guess what She swallows. I stayed hard as I usuall do when someone swallows me and so I went back to pounded her, she then got on top and after a few minutes she, guess what, put me in her bump. She paced it slowly and I just went with it and again, I exploded in her. What a wonderful evening.

I asked her about the rules and she said she doesn't do that normally but felt she was free tonight to do what she wanted without her husband around for the first time since they were married and she enjoyed it greatly. But keep the evenings private detailed actions from her husband. Gotta love women and rules!

[Bama0468 93]

All I can say Is...Ummmm.... as My wife and I have few rules, it is a common one for she and I that anal when she wants it is between her and I, a mutual thing, I would expect that if a rule is to be changed that was previously agreed upon between her and i that it should be discussed BEFORE it happens to stave off any hard feelings

[VegasLee 1,486]

As soon as someone says " don't tell my spouse" all party time is over with that person.

 

We don't hide things between each other and I won't be part of that for others either.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

I asked her about the rules and she said she doesn't do that normally but felt she was free tonight to do what she wanted without her husband around for the first time since they were married and she enjoyed it greatly. But keep the evenings private detailed actions from her husband. Gotta love women and rules!

Your post was a smooth read for me until this last paragragh and then the red light started flashing.

 

I'd not be comfortable with a playmate who informs me that they aren't going to tell their spouse about somthing we did since it was outside their rules. I would be particularly uncomfortable with them asking me not to let the cat out of the bag. We're talking about lying here, and that's never a good thing in swinging.

 

Would you want your wife doing things with her playmate that the two of you hadn't agreed too, and then lying to you about it? Would you want her playmate telling her not to tell you about something they did together?

 

You say "Gotta love women and rules!" and I'm confused by what you mean, if you care to explain I'd appreciate it.

 

LM

[BiloxiCouple 695]

As soon as someone says " don't tell my spouse" all party time is over with that person.

 

We don't hide things between each other and I won't be part of that for others either.

 

 

Amen brother.

[sweet_tna 680]

I'm with Lee. My honey and I don't hide anything from each other, nor will we be a party to any of our playmates hiding anything from their spouses. As far as I'm concerned, you're as guilty as she is for breaking her and her hubby's rules. This may well come back to haunt you . . .

[good times 991]

As soon as someone says " don't tell my spouse" all party time is over with that person.

 

We don't hide things between each other and I won't be part of that for others either.

with Lee.

[jnbsmokin 29]

As soon as someone says " don't tell my spouse" all party time is over with that person.

 

We don't hide things between each other and I won't be part of that for others either.

 

Ditto! Things like that tend to come out at some point......

[socolais 696]

That's a doosie of a first post!!! It sounds like yall had a fun time, the swallowing rule bender I could overlook, but when she initiated the anal play, I think I would have wanted to take a break and talk some. And then when the "don't tell" line poped up I woulda laid money on drama tonight - but it's cool that things apparently worked out ok.

 

Welcome to the board!!!

[ecoupleca 16]

Wow, it seems the post struck a cord. Let me just say that the don't tell portion of the evening came after the event so to speak. I don't like being put in that position it is not really fair. What to do at a time like we were having? I did tell my wife and she is OK with it.

That leads to the other question that came from a response regarding a line that read "women and rules".... I don't want to start a flurry of negitative comments but here is why I made that comment. Not to generalize of course but there have been times that women during the course of a playful evening decide that they are stepping out of the box, caught in the moment, feeling exceptionally free, take it to a place they have been thinking of going or whatever the reason, a night to break the rules. Some will tell their spouse some will say nothing about it and just leave the situation silent and others who have reservations have to verbalize the need to keep it... as they say.... "stays in Vegas. In some of the cases the rules are not necessarially spelled out prior and sometimes the magic of the evening happens during play times. But at all times respect is the key there and NO means NO and STOP means STOP. Those rules should never be broken. In this case the Husband verbalized the rules but she didn't agree or disagree at the time.

Last comment. Ladies there must be some of you out there that have broken the rules for some reason. Let's here from you.

[realcplub2 513]

Women and Rules...

 

the first rule is, the Women make the rules..

 

the second rule is, see rule #1

 

 

We have been in situations similar where rules were discussed, and then things changed in the midst of play.

 

For us, the first rule and only rule we ever insist on is same room play only.. and its a deal breaker. We can understand folks that arent into that.. to each there own..

 

Beyond that, the moment there is any thing that is to be kept secret, You are asked to keep secret, whatever... sorry

 

We lived thru two seprate instances, where the first was attempt by both other people to talk to each of us without the other spouses knowing.. Him trying to talk to my wife, and her wanting to do more than talk, with me..

 

Sorry didnt work, we talk.. told each other everything, showed the chat sessions, everything.. that was the end of a great friendship.. the first couple we were ever intimate with..

 

a shame

 

The second was a weirder one, He was screwing around, and we sort of found out, before his wife did.. and backed away from the situation. Again, another shame.

 

Ultimately, there is one thing that makes this lifestyle work, Honesty..

 

If you can be honest with yourself, honest with your partner, and honest with those you play with, you will be further ahead.

 

Keeping secrets for a swinging playmate, regardless of what its about, is the quickest way to cause problems.

[good times 991]

I have actually had someone say to me, "don't tell my husband". My instant response to her was, "well you shouldn't have done it then, because I will not lie for you".

 

For the record, this had nothing to do with breaking a previously stated rule. Fact is, if someone tells me they have a rule, I wouldn't go there unless all agreed it was ok before we did it.

[sweet_tna 680]

Wow, it seems the post struck a cord. Let me just say that the don't tell portion of the evening came after the event so to speak. I don't like being put in that position it is not really fair. What to do at a time like we were having? I did tell my wife and she is OK with it.

That leads to the other question that came from a response regarding a line that read "women and rules".... I don't want to start a flurry of negitative comments but here is why I made that comment. Not to generalize of course but there have been times that women during the course of a playful evening decide that they are stepping out of the box, caught in the moment, feeling exceptionally free, take it to a place they have been thinking of going or whatever the reason, a night to break the rules. Some will tell their spouse some will say nothing about it and just leave the situation silent and others who have reservations have to verbalize the need to keep it... as they say.... "stays in Vegas. In some of the cases the rules are not necessarially spelled out prior and sometimes the magic of the evening happens during play times. But at all times respect is the key there and NO means NO and STOP means STOP. Those rules should never be broken. In this case the Husband verbalized the rules but she didn't agree or disagree at the time.

Last comment. Ladies there must be some of you out there that have broken the rules for some reason. Let's here from you.

 

Thank you for the clarification. And while YES, I can understand the feeling more free "in the moment" and doing something that you may have thought you weren't ready for before. To a lesser degree, that's happened with me, but only in situations where Mr. Sweet and I had no rule "covering" that situation, or a miscommunication about certain parameters.

 

But when it comes right down to it, if I'm sureof a rule/guideline/whatever between me and Mr. Sweet or with our playmates, I will not violate that. And YES, I've been tempted to do so, but I have too much respect for Mr. Sweet and our friends that I did not.

 

I'm glad to know that things worked out okay with you and your friends, but still find it to be a slippery slope when you don't stick with the playbook.

 

=)

[BiloxiCouple 695]

We used to have several rules in the beginning.

 

I think we got them boiled down to two.

 

Ask.

 

No means no.

 

So it now boils down to something like this "Can I?" "Do you Wanna?" "Yes or no baby?"

[WesternSwing 504]

As soon as someone says " don't tell my spouse" all party time is over with that person.

 

We don't hide things between each other and I won't be part of that for others either.

I agree. We've broken-off playtime relationships with couples when we've discovered that they are not completely honest with each other. Not so much for sex acts performed that break the rules (because if we've come across that we haven't been aware of it), but because we find out that each one is cheating on the other and other such scenarios.

 

Not to generalize of course but there have been times that women during the course of a playful evening decide that they are stepping out of the box, caught in the moment, feeling exceptionally free, take it to a place they have been thinking of going or whatever the reason, a night to break the rules.

I've had women go beyond what they normally do with me, like swallowing or anal when they previously have admittedly not been into it before. I think swinging allows a woman to be very sexual, something society doesn't allow of women, and it is new things being discovered. Did they have a rule against it? I don't know, they didn't say. But I'll find out afterward when they say things like "That's the first time I've had anal." or "I don't swallow very often." I've seen Mrs. WS caught-up in the moment and do things that she hasn't done with me before. Not big things since we've covered all the big ones together. Or things that sometimes she is into at home that she is all about with a lover.

 

I think partly it is the whole naughtiness of the situation and the fact that it's okay to be naughty and it just rolls from there. It's also partly that she wants to be memorable to her new partner so she goes the extra pornstar mile, so to speak. Do I mind? Nah. As far as he knows she does that every time we have sex and he thinks I'm the luckiest guy in the world.

 

We used to have several rules in the beginning.

 

I think we got them boiled down to two.

 

Ask.

 

No means no.

 

So it now boils down to something like this "Can I?" "Do you Wanna?" "Yes or no baby?"

We're the same way. When we first started we had a laundry list of rules, but as we became more comfortable in the lifestyle we pretty much have thrown all of them out the window except a core few. At first we retained certain sex acts just for us, but eventually we discovered (like so many else do) that it's not the sex that makes us as close as we are, the sex is good together because we are that close outside of the bedroom. So our "no anal, no swallowing, no this, not that" rules were thrown-out. Keeps it simple and it avoids hurt feelings.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

My thoughts when reading the first post was that obviously the couple was not on the same page. I think you gathered too from what you said in your second post:

In this case the Husband verbalized the rules but she didn't agree or disagree at the time.

 

Whether they were THEIR rules or HIS, is hard to say at this point she obviously doesn't have a lot of respect for her husband. I think there are often cases where we (not just women but men too) get caught up in the moment and do things we previously didn't think we'd be ok with and there's nothing wrong with that. Rules are made to be broken or bent. That's one reason why so often you see the advice to newbies on here read something along the lines of "don't make TOO MANY rules". The problem comes when you start keeping things from each other. Whether they set these rules together or HE set them, she agreed to them at some point. The fact that he spoke them to you and she just sat there next to him doesn't mean they weren't her rules just as much as his, just by the fact that they were THEIRS.

 

I get the impression this was more of a case of she's doing things behind his back. They were in seperate rooms so she felt FREE of any restrictions and did what she wanted to do. Kinda makes me wonder what else (or who) she is doing when he's not looking and doesn't tell him about?

[Bama0468 93]

While you stated that you wife was Ok with itis one thing, I see it ddn't come up with the husband/couple and so to me there in lies a bit of a "cheating" kinda thing.

I wonder what the situation would be IF he found out, I venture to say it would be the end of one relationship (Yours and Theirs) and possibly the beging of the end of the second (theirs).

[LFM2 1,482]

I can't say that either of us has broken any of our rules. OK... I think we may have one or two rules now, but, we both have personal preferences.

 

Even though I love anal sex, I'm not really ready to have someone go out of control on me during such partner play. Dave has no problem if I wanted anal sex, yet it's a personal reason I won't with a partner. If he finds a willing partner, I hope he has so much fun his head spins.

 

I even love to swallow, and I've only swallowed once and that was with our regular single fella who we've played with for a long time. I'm not ready to do that with someone I just met that night.

 

One of our rules is there is no rule unless it makes us uncomfortable. We won't do something that makes us feel hurt or humiliated. We both kind of make our own rules up as we go along, and so far, we haven't had to bar anyone from anything. We think "NO means NO" is a golden rule and we follow that. I wouldn't dream of doing something and asking my partner to please not tell my husband. That would just scream of disrespect and selfishness on my part.

 

I know how easy it is to get carried away. In my younger years, I often thought with my pussy instead of my head and it usually always got me in trouble. I never want to go back to being her!!