Trouble Getting Hard During and AFTER the swing

[soulmates 15]

My wife and I are just getting into the scene. We've talk about it for years and a few weeks ago we decided to go checkout a local sex club. We both had a great time, she looked awesome and was very popular with the guys and girls. We ultimately fooled around with a few people but, although I felt really turned on, I couldn't get an erection. Then I couldn't get hard for just her in a private area, or later that night in our bed, or even for a few days after. The strange thing here again was that I was able to get turned on and even ejaculate, but not get hard (and give her what she wanted).

 

Anyway over the next few weeks, things got back to normal, we talked A LOT about what we liked, didn't like and had some great sex and no ED problems. So, we went back to the club again last night.

 

Again, we had a great time, talking and dancing with lots of sexy people. We met another newbie couple who just wanted to screw next to us (not swap), which sounded great. Once we where in the sex room, I couldnt get it up again I think this was further exacerbated by the guy in the other couple that kept it up long enough to fuck his wife twice and he was ready to go a third time with my wife (if we'd let him). This was his first time with another couple, how was he doing it !?!?

 

So now I'm feeling like there's something wrong with me. My wife says maybe this lifestyle just isn't for me. But I felt soooo turned on, I've enjoyed touching and kissing other woman, I enjoy watching my wife fool around with other guys and girls, i enjoy watching my wife wear her really hot outfits. I feel like this would be total bliss if I could only get it up.

 

So I guess I want to know, am I "normal". Do I just keep at this until I'm not nervous anymore, even though I might have some more unpleasant experiences? Should I got see a Dr. and get some Viagra? Any advice would be welcomed.

 

I'll fill out a profile/welcome message with my wife later, but I really wanted to get this off my chest.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

soulmates said:

So I guess I want to know, am I "normal".

 

Yes, it's very common for men to have trouble getting an erection. It doesn't necessarily mean you're not into swinging

Here's a few links to show you that you aren't alone.

 

Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun

Brought To Tears

Male performance problem?

Performance anxiety and vacation...advice?

 

You get the point.

 

Viagra and the other ED meds are a possible option.

Part of the problem at this point is you're probably overthinking it, which exacerbates the situation.

 

If you check some of the responses in the links listed above, you'll possibly find an answer that works for you.

[myhw4u 30]

I've had similar happen to me under similar circumstances and it is extremely frustrating! For me, we have narrowed down the causes to it all being mental: over stimulation or over thinking the situation. A little alcohol or just calming down has help me/us, and I stress a little alcohol, lol.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

I've had similar happen to me under similar circumstances and it is extremely frustrating! For me, we have narrowed down the causes to it all being mental: over stimulation or over thinking the situation. A little alcohol or just calming down has help me/us, and I stress a little alcohol, lol.

 

I agree. You'll have to figure out what the "cure" is for you. It's probably just a little mental block.

[good times 991]

Yep, had a similar problem at first. What we did to fix it is we just kept going to the club and playing with each other in the presence of others until the problem went away on its own. Seems that with so many erotic distractions around, my big head disconnected from my little one.

[Additude 457]

Try having a couple over for a house party and maybe that will be less of an overwhelming distraction to all the sensory regions of your brain and allow you to concentrate more on a small group.

 

Build it up from there.

[Cpl2share 147]

I have had an ED problem once in my life. That was in our first full swap situation. I did have an erection, came from oral, and then when time came for intercourse, my play partner started to put the condom on me. As the condom unrolled so did my erection! For the rest of the evening no woman could get me up. I was very turned on, and wanted to play, but the damned thing would not get up! After a lot of consideration I determined the following:

 

1) I had been bareback for the past 15 yrs. I do not like condoms, and to make things worse, the condom was too small so it "cramped" the works.

 

2) There was way too much stimulation. Mrs. Cpl and her partner were on the same bed having fun. The music was that screamy high school kid stuff (yep, old school country here) and turned up to the max. I prefer "background" music.

 

3) I was worried about Mrs. Cpls comfort level physically and mentally.

 

Fix it: Don't try to play at the club. Find a comfort zone such as a motel or your own home. Get just one couple to join you and work into it. After you do it in a mellow relaxed setting, you can move into the more "hectic" setting. Kind of like singing or acting. There is a reason that people in the public eye practice before hand, you get comfortable with what you are doing and then do it in front of more people.

[sam15a 15]

Not so funny, I experienced the same condition when my wife and I placed ourselves in the same situation. After 4 weeks of ed following the night at the club, I went to the doctor who, after getting the results of some blood tests, sent me to a sex psychologist. I can't say that the couple of sessions with the shrink did any harm, but if they did any good, the results were not visible either. Fortunately, after about 6 months or so, ed gradually started resolving itself and after a year, it had essentially resolved on its own. For what it's worth, the shrink felt that the intense stimulation caused by the visit to club resulted in some form of PTSD.

 

So, by perhaps giving it some time, your condition will like improve as well. Good luck!

[imsherona2 15]

Okay, my SO says it is very normal for this to happen, he called it "performance anxiety". He says just try and relax, have a drink or glass of wine, play with your partner and don't force the issue. Attending parties and watching may help and sooner or later, you will find yourself in the same shoes as the rest of the men...!! Good luck to you guys. Hugs, Sharon & Mike

[tittietwister 126]

It is some or all the above but yours either sounds like performance anxiety or too many distractions or the other women you are with simply aren't triggering what turns you on.

 

In terms of doing it a certain number of times, our observation is that the lifestyle does attract highly sexed people with a greater degree of staminia and endurance than the general population. We are friends with a 50's gentleman who did seven women a total of ten times over 1.5 days. This is not uncommon for him and in fact his comment was that he isn't the man he used to be!

 

I have had the exact same problems you describe. In my case I discovered the core issue was not having a partner who really excited me. I not really multi-orgasmic and have had difficulty getting aroused and staying hard even without condoms. Buth then a couple of weekends ago we were with a couple who were a little kinky and I happen to have some fantasies in that area. WITH CONDOMS, I was able to stay hard and cum twice - a great confidence booster for me and she had fun too. Perhaps that has something to do with your situation.

[personal416 71]

Never had an issue getting it up, but have had a couple of instances where it was difficult keeping it up after making sure my partner was taken care of, especially if there was little reciprocal interest/interaction on their part to "take care of me", and have subsequently weeded them "out of the rotation". For me it was definitely mental/chemistry or lack thereof.

[ViSexual 1,008]

Isn't it interesting that boys fear getting an erection and being embarrasses.

 

And, men, somtimes fear 'not' getting an erection and being embarrassed.

 

It's all about you playing head games with yourself!

[couplewanting50 65]

For most men it is mental. Their expectations are too high, they are analyzing and reviewing, rather than simply being open to pleasure and allowing response to occur naturally.

 

For me, I find that the real solution is separate room play, eliminating all of the numerous possible distractions, focusing only on my sexual partner, and being with her.

 

I love watching my wife fuck and play, but don't have much luck in a room with others playing. I am not complaining, you understand, as separate room play is marvelous.

[couplewanting50 65]

Isn't it interesting that boys fear getting an erection and being embarrasses.

 

And, men, somtimes fear 'not' getting an erection and being embarrassed.

 

It's all about you playing head games with yourself!

 

I believe that what you say is true.

[nice_cpl_n_bama 24]

I have had much the same problem in the past. For me the cure was to join a monthly house party group where we saw the same dozen couples in a quiet setting month after month. Once I got used to being in sexual situations with other women my troubles went away.

 

I still have a problem every once in a while the first time I am with someone new. The prettier she is, the more likely I am to have an attack of first time nerves.

 

Yes ladies, a limp penis CAN be a compliment

 

The most important thing is to have fun. If the little soldier happens to be AWOL one night, you can still make a lady very happy with your tongue and fingers and charm and wit. If you don't get upset, and do your best to make her happy anyhow she'll probably be up for a rematch some other time when you aren't so stressed.

[lakeluvrs 65]

That's happened to me several times. It all seems to be mental. In a couple cases it happened because I was detecting that the woman wasn't really into me or maybe didn't want to be in the situation at all. That's really awkward and makes me not want to have sex with her, thus no erection. She's really hot and naked and lying there with her legs spread, and her husband is banging my wife's brains out five feet away, but my brain is saying "something's not right here" and the penis shuts down.

 

Other times it's just from thinking too much. As soon as I relax with a couple, it pops up with no problem. Now, with the couple we play with fairly regularly, I have trouble keeping it from getting hard when we run into them in the grocery store!

[joaninla 162]

FYI - check out the Boston Medical Group (I think they have offices in many major cities). It worked 'wonders' for a close friend. Good luck.

 

Joan

 

PS - It sounds much more worse than it is

[daddynbabygrl 25]

nice_cpl_n_bama said:

I have had much the same problem in the past. For me the cure was to join a monthly house party group where we saw the same dozen couples in a quiet setting month after month. Once I got used to being in sexual situations with other women my troubles went away.

 

I still have a problem every once in a while the first time I am with someone new. The prettier she is, the more likely I am to have an attack of first time nerves.

 

Yes ladies, a limp penis CAN be a compliment

 

The most important thing is to have fun. If the little soldier happens to be AWOL one night, you can still make a lady very happy with your tongue and fingers and charm and wit. If you don't get upset, and do your best to make her happy anyhow she'll probably be up for a rematch some other time when you aren't so stressed.

 

Very well said......personally speaking, I had gotten *SO* frustrated that it almost completely ruined the experiences for me......"for me"....but I was so turned on and pleased to see my partner happy.....it *is* a head game for many of us.....and at first, I felt it was "this" reason, then "that", then "this" again....

 

Ultimately, I think it was anxiety....and the inability to perform for strangers....this last time was a couple, with whom we got a long with pretty well, but we didn't swap, we only focused on our own partners (after the ladies had some time to themselves).....and I was able to perform and function and my partner was attentive to me and was so pleased when it was all said and done.........it really helped me to have a supportive partner and someone who cares about how things are for *ME

 

I can only hope anxiety levels get less and less as time goes on and eventually performance anxiety will be a thing of the past. I really found this thread (and a few others) to be very helpful to someone who had "performance anxiety" LOL

[nicerrtxcple 13]

Yeah, I have had the same problem a few times also. Yeah I thought I had "performance anxiety" and yeah it was. Because at home with just the wife it worked just fine, so I ended up just going to see the doctor and yeah he gave me the "LITTLE BLUE PILL" and I have had no problem since then. GOT TO LOVE THE BLUE PILL.