Cuddling - Snuggling and time limits

[two_for_fun1027 15]

Multi-level question - ready?

 

We're new to swinging - have only swapped with one couple. After figuring out that she was after my husband and Gaslighting me - we cut it off.

 

During the time prior to my realization - she was obsessed with cuddling. And, used my dislike of it to justify her need to cuddle with my husband.

 

Do you guys have any cuddling rules? And, if you do separate room swap - is there a time limit - or meet back up time, or what? One of the big problems I had is that her husband and I would do our thing, then come out to the living room - and anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half later - they'd come out. One time, it was because they had a second go. Now, I know why I had issues with this - it was just one part of a multi-layer mindf^&* on her part.

 

But, what's normal for you guys? I'm not even saying there's an absolute right way - I guess I'd just like ideas so we can make better rules for ourselves.

 

Thanks in advance!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

To me cuddling is something I do with Pet and not really something I've ever been comfortable doing with "sex only" playmates (whether single or in a swinging situation). There's just something that TO ME seems to intimate about it.

[two_for_fun1027 15]

Thank you! I appreciate the input - I agree.

[SexyRedmondCpl 128]

I have to agree with Julie on this one. We're still fairly new to this, but the majority of our rules are aimed at keeping what we perceive as the most intimate parts of our relationship just between us. Cuddling is exclusively ours

[Pepper & Drew 384]

We don't have a no-cuddling rule, and typically, if some after-play cuddling occurs, it's ok. Only one time did Drew's cuddling with another make me feel uncomfortable, and I really couldn't put my finger on why. I told him that it made me uneasy just with her and he was mindful of that going forward.

 

I think if your gut says that there's something wrong, it probably is. But, instead of having a no cuddling rule, we have a no doing things that make each other uneasy rule.

 

Pepper

[two_for_fun1027 15]

Thanks for your input I agree - my husband is more than aware of what bothers me now. And, in hindsight - the cuddling bothered me because it was just a part of a bigger problem.

[good times 991]

I think you hit the nail on the head there. We don't have a cuddling rule either, but we have run into a few couples that exhibited similar problems that you had with this couple. When we get bad vibes about the way another couple is interacting with us we move on pretty quickly. We too have had couples that wanted more from us than we were willing to give, and it always leads to too much drama for us.

[sweet_tna 680]

We don't have any rules about cuddling per se. It's more a comfort level thing--we just go with what feels right at the time/with the people with whom we're playing. We have cuddled, but haven't done separate rooms as of yet.

 

In your case, two_for_fun, I think you have every reason to be concerned, though it sounds like the cuddling was part of some bigger issues. Either way, I wouldn't be anxious to play with that couple again, if I were you. You've gotta' do what feels right to ya'll.

 

=)

[WesternSwing 504]

We don't have any rules now about cuddling, but we did also when we first started swinging. I think as we became more comfortable with everything, and realized that in no way was any of this a threat to our relationship, for us it was just added rules that sucked some of the fun out of it for us.

 

That said, there are those partners each of us has that we really like to snuggle with, and others that we just want to have sex with and that's it, no long afterwards. So it's different from person to person. But, I'm a snuggler, and if I have that connection with a woman I like to do it. And it doesn't threaten me if Mrs. WS does it with one of her playmates. I kind of expect she will, and I love the fact that she is that comfortable with that person and that she is finding something beyond just sex with them.

 

Mr. WS

[rpu3 630]

Do you guys have any cuddling rules?

 

Nope, we don't have any hard and fast cuddle rules, but whether it's done or not is a "depends".

 

First, my spouse is not really much of a cuddler even with me. He's looking at the clock within two minutes of any cuddle start, so he's not inclined to do it much with others, given he doesn't do it with me. I am not a cuddler with swing acquaintances; there's some minimal after-sex activity, but otherwise, I have the same personal space issues I have in real life. However, if I've gotten to know someone and thus am comfortable with them, I've no objection to cuddling if there is mutual interest.

 

And, if you do separate room swap - is there a time limit - or meet back up time, or what?

 

We didn't have time limits, but after problems with each separate room experience, we have decided that we aren't interested in separate room until we've done the same room. We've just had issues with the separate room that might have been identified by doing same room first, and thus avoided the separate rooms altogether. We've not had problems with same room before separate room. With these separate room instances, there are no time restrictions, but common courtesy dictates - there's no reason to leave your partner(s) hanging out in the living room longer than necessary.

[Malachista 170]

I found out that just like with kissing and arseplay ... It really depends on how comfortable feel with the other person.

[iapr 24]

If you believe that another woman is after your man do you really care if it is about cuddling or kissing or toe sucking or ass tickling? Is there is really any form of interaction that you will be ok with at that point?

 

Since we are only hearing your side of it we don't know if this is about insecrity/jealousy issues on your part or if this gal really was "after" your husband. Either way the cuddling may be what you are focusing on since you admit you don't like to cuddle much but your husband does. Setting time limits on cuddling to me seems more of an insecurity issue than one of actual boundries.

 

If one is secure and confident it is ok to acquire some things through play mates that you don't get from your partner..TO A POINT. For instance I love to french kiss and my wife does NOT and she is fine with me doing that with playmates cause it makes me happy and she is off the hook. And she likes long drawn out schmoozing and romance and like to keep things moving along chop-chop cause there is only so many hours in the evening available. So when we find a couple where the female likes to french kiss and get down to some sweating and the male likes to schmooze and romance we are all 4 happy pigs in a blanket and all is well.

 

At the core of all of this is security, trust and confidence. If one of those is lacking it doesn't matter what the specific activity is, it will cause distress.

[tangyspecial 31]

We don't do separate room, so the time thing doesn't apply to us.

 

We don't have a cuddling rule, but we rarely cuddle others just because it isn't on our to do list. Cuddling is something you do when you feel an emotional attachment to someone. In swinging situations, we stay emotionally detached.

 

In a couple setting, once things are done winding down, we tend to want to get rid of them asap so we can get down to being with just each other again. This may sound mean, but the sex with each other afterwards is what keeps us in this lifestyle. We have winding down talking time with them while cuddling/ fondling our own spouses, but we don't really cuddle with other partners. It isn't something we have even considered doing because we assume they want to get alone with each other asap too.

 

In a single male situation, it's pretty much the same thing. Why spend time cuddling with someone when I can be having mind blowing sex with my hubby? (man that sounds harsh) We thank them and say good bye.

 

Now in a single female situation, we have cuddled with them but only because they tend to spend the night in our bed. We don't mind this one bit and we adjust our positions (her in the middle or me in the middle) in the bed to whatever feels comfortable for the people present. I think that we do this naturally because we are leaning towards wanting a poly relationship with another female, so emotional attachment isn't something we avoid.

 

Hope some of this helped.

[Bama0468 93]

Have cuddled in the past, we are like many others here, its a matter of comfort and what feels right at the time

[tribbles 490]

We don't do separate room so it's never been a problem. We do cuddle.....

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Just for the record, we don't have a cuddling rule... we really don't have many rules... except that at this point we play together and make all decisions together and if at any time one of us feels uncomfortable we stop. What I said about cuddling is just my own opinion and like I said FOR ME it goes beyond swinging, it's just never something I've personally felt comfortable doing with someone that I wasn't emotionally attached to.

[two42lovers 273]

The anti cuddling thing has us a bit mystified. OK - cuddling is out, but fucking and sucking is in? What about hugging? (That sounds a lot like cuddling...) Stroking your body in a sensual way (Sounds a lot like cuddling...) Putting arms around you when we kiss? (A lot like cuddling... or is kissing also prohibited?) Are all these things off limits? How do you tell your playmates about your "no-cuddling" preferance? If they hug you do you cut it off? When you are done fucking, do you jump up and leave so as to avoid sensual touching after sex?

[toomuchfun 77]

My wife is a super cuddly person, she just loves it. When I cuddle her it's about emotion, and love. When someone else cuddles her it's about sensual touching and just having fun.

 

We 'date' our playmates most often, usually we'll hug and kiss, and get comfortable with each other before doing each other. That most often involves some kind of cuddle-like activities.

 

We also play in separate rooms sometimes, we don't really have rules about time limits or anything like that. The first time it happened the couple kind of surprised us and split us up, but we just went with the flow and it worked out fine.

 

Same room or separate room we usually all end up naked together after anyway... sometimes that sparks round two sometimes it's just 20-30 minutes of laying there touching each other talking... guess that is kind of like cuddling too.

 

We're also A-OK with kissing, and so have I think all but one couple we have ever been with.

 

It's important to set rules and boundaries that make everyone comfortable, and it's important to ask what these rules and boundaries are before jumping in to the sack with someone.

 

Our only rule is no means no, and each other above any other... if my wife ever said let's go, I could be mid-stroke, and I would get up, get dressed, and we'd leave. The same in reverse if I wanted to leave for some reason.

[Bama0468 93]

Our only rule is no means no, and each other above any other... if my wife ever said let's go, I could be mid-stroke, and I would get up, get dressed, and we'd leave. The same in reverse if I wanted to leave for some reason.

 

I like this rule.. is it copyrighted?

[tittietwister 126]

No rules on cuddling here. With those we feel close to we would consider it wrong not to but those who have seen our other posts know we welcome an emotional attachment. I find it very heartwarming to see my wife snuggling with a lover, particularly after sex when most women want to savor what they have just had.

 

Re time limits, we prefer to limit separate room play to two hours but not because of any intimacy limit. My wife just prefers more short experiences vs. fewer longer ones. I prefer longer ones where I can really lose myself in my lover. That's where the ability to play separately really helps. We think we may have found a compromise that will help both us. We will try separate but adjoining rooms (hotel) in the future so we can have both same and separate room activities. That will provide more variety for her and the intimacy of separate rooms when we want it.

[two_for_fun1027 15]

Such a wealth of information. And, a little cynicism and sarcasm - which doesn't really help me at all.

 

I've realized that my anti-cuddling feelings are specific to the female in our last couple. And, I have good reasons for mistrusting her. She gaslighted me the entire way through, until I found out that she tried to get my husband to have sex with her without a condom and she told him that she had feelings for him.

 

The only two rules she and I had really discussed, she broke - knowingly.

 

So... I'm just trying to find out what everyone else does. And, I've realized that each couple will have to be considered solely for themselves. You just can't make some across the board rules. Except the "use protection!" and "no feelings" bullshit (For us, we're not looking for polyamory).

 

Thank you all very much for your input. I sincerely appreciate it.

[lustylearning 705]

I've read this thread with great interest, because I've found that in the lifestyle, I tend to be a cuddler - time permitting::P: If my partner and I are done before my hubby and his, I will absolutely take the time to enjoy my partner's body. I don't have a built-in alarm that says, okay, we've cum - now get dressed and leave. In fact, that sort of mentality would make me feel cheap - I'm not sure exactly why, but it would. For me to have sex with you means that I at least like you and want to touch you. It does not mean that I'm necessarily going to email you tomorrow::P: or even the next day or the next. Heck, we may never see you again... But, I believe in making the most of what for me is a sensual experience, while I have it.

 

Two for fun, we've been lucky enough to not encounter the sort of low life person you're describing. Gaslighters, fire-starters, drama-obsessed people are what they are, but I don't think cuddling in and of itself is a behavior that should be equated with them. In your first post, you wrote that this person was "obsessed with cuddling" - the obsession, perhaps, was the primary tip off. We all have our likes and dislikes, but imposition of our desires onto others without heed of their comfort levels is a major warning sign.

 

I'm so glad you voiced this and worked through it with your partner! For some it would be enough to drive them away!

[two_for_fun1027 15]

I've read this thread with great interest, because I've found that in the lifestyle, I tend to be a cuddler - time permitting::P: If my partner and I are done before my hubby and his, I will absolutely take the time to enjoy my partner's body. I don't have a built-in alarm that says, okay, we've cum - now get dressed and leave. In fact, that sort of mentality would make me feel cheap - I'm not sure exactly why, but it would. For me to have sex with you means that I at least like you and want to touch you. It does not mean that I'm necessarily going to email you tomorrow::P: or even the next day or the next. Heck, we may never see you again... But, I believe in making the most of what for me is a sensual experience, while I have it.

 

Two for fun, we've been lucky enough to not encounter the sort of low life person you're describing. Gaslighters, fire-starters, drama-obsessed people are what they are, but I don't think cuddling in and of itself is a behavior that should be equated with them. In your first post, you wrote that this person was "obsessed with cuddling" - the obsession, perhaps, was the primary tip off. We all have our likes and dislikes, but imposition of our desires onto others without heed of their comfort levels is a major warning sign.

 

I'm so glad you voiced this and worked through it with your partner! For some it would be enough to drive them away!

 

Thank you very much for your post. I understand what you're saying. I enjoy swinging, very much. Both of us do, my husband and I. We're currently in contact with an amazing couple - sexy, smart, and thoughtful. And, I'm really looking forward to a new, better experience. We're meeting them this Friday - we've been chatting for a couple weeks, and they're much like us. I'm not stuck on the cuddling thing so much anymore, and every single post has helped me in some way. We both definitely have a better understanding of ourselves and what swinging is and how it fits into our lives. So, once again thank you for your post, and thanks to everyone else who has stopped by to put in their two cents.

 

Best of luck to you all!

[two_for_fun1027 15]

No rules on cuddling here. With those we feel close to we would consider it wrong not to but those who have seen our other posts know we welcome an emotional attachment. I find it very heartwarming to see my wife snuggling with a lover, particularly after sex when most women want to savor what they have just had.

 

Re time limits, we prefer to limit separate room play to two hours but not because of any intimacy limit. My wife just prefers more short experiences vs. fewer longer ones. I prefer longer ones where I can really lose myself in my lover. That's where the ability to play separately really helps. We think we may have found a compromise that will help both us. We will try separate but adjoining rooms (hotel) in the future so we can have both same and separate room activities. That will provide more variety for her and the intimacy of separate rooms when we want it.

 

Thanks so much You answered in exactly the fashion I was hoping for - with the way you do things. For me, it's very helpful to see how others do it. Anytime I learn something new, whether it's welding, shooting a gun, drawing or whatever - I always watch the other person to see how they do it - that way I can gather the information I need to do it correctly, and the way that suits me (or in this case, us) best. Thanks for your objectivity and honesty.

[two_for_fun1027 15]

I like this rule.. is it copyrighted?

 

 

Thank you I've read some of your other posts, and you seem to give very humble and earnest advice, so kudos to you.

 

We're at that point now. Where we both know that if it doesn't work for one, it's not working for either. And, this board has helped tremendously in answering those little questions. And, even some big ones.

 

So, thanks - once again. I appreciate it!

[two_for_fun1027 15]

My wife is a super cuddly person, she just loves it. When I cuddle her it's about emotion, and love. When someone else cuddles her it's about sensual touching and just having fun.

 

We 'date' our playmates most often, usually we'll hug and kiss, and get comfortable with each other before doing each other. That most often involves some kind of cuddle-like activities.

 

We also play in separate rooms sometimes, we don't really have rules about time limits or anything like that. The first time it happened the couple kind of surprised us and split us up, but we just went with the flow and it worked out fine.

 

Same room or separate room we usually all end up naked together after anyway... sometimes that sparks round two sometimes it's just 20-30 minutes of laying there touching each other talking... guess that is kind of like cuddling too.

 

We're also A-OK with kissing, and so have I think all but one couple we have ever been with.

 

It's important to set rules and boundaries that make everyone comfortable, and it's important to ask what these rules and boundaries are before jumping in to the sack with someone.

 

Our only rule is no means no, and each other above any other... if my wife ever said let's go, I could be mid-stroke, and I would get up, get dressed, and we'd leave. The same in reverse if I wanted to leave for some reason.

 

Well put simply said

[two_for_fun1027 15]

The anti cuddling thing has us a bit mystified. OK - cuddling is out, but fucking and sucking is in? What about hugging? (That sounds a lot like cuddling...) Stroking your body in a sensual way (Sounds a lot like cuddling...) Putting arms around you when we kiss? (A lot like cuddling... or is kissing also prohibited?) Are all these things off limits? How do you tell your playmates about your "no-cuddling" preferance? If they hug you do you cut it off? When you are done fucking, do you jump up and leave so as to avoid sensual touching after sex?

 

 

Yes, actually - I leave my shoes at the side of the bed. I hop out of bed, into my shoes and run out the door, sheet wrapped around me and husband in hand.

 

Simply, I can't answer those questions for you. To me, none of those things seem like cuddling. And, I think from all of the responses here - everyone has their own opinion. Which, is the most important thing I learned here.

 

I'd like to thank you for your input, but I can't say that it's been helpful one way or the other. But, I wish you and your partner the best, and happy swinging

[two_for_fun1027 15]

Just for the record, we don't have a cuddling rule... we really don't have many rules... except that at this point we play together and make all decisions together and if at any time one of us feels uncomfortable we stop. What I said about cuddling is just my own opinion and like I said FOR ME it goes beyond swinging, it's just never something I've personally felt comfortable doing with someone that I wasn't emotionally attached to.

 

Thank you very much for your input. It's fascinating to me that there are some people who love to cuddle with their swap partners, but - then there are some, such as yourself, that reserve that as intimacy. Some like intimacy with the couple - some don't. The most important thing I was searching for was examples. To me, it's just like putting a puzzle together. The ultimate goal is reached by placing the right pieces in the right spots. And, sometimes you need to look at the picture on the box:) That's all I'm doing, looking at the picture on the box. Seeing how it's done, gathering input and knowledge from experience. I'm realizing that each experience is unique unto it's own, but I admire they way you two stick together - that's how it's going to be for us. He and I have both been reading the posts, and it's been very helpful.

 

So, spank you - spank you very much (cheesy, I know - I love Ace Ventura)

[two_for_fun1027 15]

If you believe that another woman is after your man do you really care if it is about cuddling or kissing or toe sucking or ass tickling? Is there is really any form of interaction that you will be ok with at that point?

 

Since we are only hearing your side of it we don't know if this is about insecrity/jealousy issues on your part or if this gal really was "after" your husband. Either way the cuddling may be what you are focusing on since you admit you don't like to cuddle much but your husband does. Setting time limits on cuddling to me seems more of an insecurity issue than one of actual boundries.

 

If one is secure and confident it is ok to acquire some things through play mates that you don't get from your partner..TO A POINT. For instance I love to french kiss and my wife does NOT and she is fine with me doing that with playmates cause it makes me happy and she is off the hook. And she likes long drawn out schmoozing and romance and like to keep things moving along chop-chop cause there is only so many hours in the evening available. So when we find a couple where the female likes to french kiss and get down to some sweating and the male likes to schmooze and romance we are all 4 happy pigs in a blanket and all is well.

 

At the core of all of this is security, trust and confidence. If one of those is lacking it doesn't matter what the specific activity is, it will cause distress.

 

I absolutely agree with this "At the core of all of this is security, trust and confidence".

 

Firstly, her side of the story is inconsequential. I'm not asking how to handle the situation with her. It's been handled. In a manner that suits my marriage best.

 

And, I agree with this : "If you believe that another woman is after your man do you really care if it is about cuddling or kissing or toe sucking or ass tickling? Is there is really any form of interaction that you will be ok with at that point?"

 

Thank you for your input. I do appreciate it. We are brand new - and I guarantee, if I had found this board before we started swinging - the situation would have never gotten off the ground.

 

But, that's not my point. My point was, we are new - and we're just trying to see how everyone else does it and decide what's best for us I've replied to almost every post on here, so I'm not going to repeat what I've learned. But, I've learned valuable things from most of the answers - so, in earnest - thank you.

[two_for_fun1027 15]

I've read this thread with great interest, because I've found that in the lifestyle, I tend to be a cuddler - time permitting::P: If my partner and I are done before my hubby and his, I will absolutely take the time to enjoy my partner's body. I don't have a built-in alarm that says, okay, we've cum - now get dressed and leave. In fact, that sort of mentality would make me feel cheap - I'm not sure exactly why, but it would. For me to have sex with you means that I at least like you and want to touch you. It does not mean that I'm necessarily going to email you tomorrow::P: or even the next day or the next. Heck, we may never see you again... But, I believe in making the most of what for me is a sensual experience, while I have it.

 

Two for fun, we've been lucky enough to not encounter the sort of low life person you're describing. Gaslighters, fire-starters, drama-obsessed people are what they are, but I don't think cuddling in and of itself is a behavior that should be equated with them. In your first post, you wrote that this person was "obsessed with cuddling" - the obsession, perhaps, was the primary tip off. We all have our likes and dislikes, but imposition of our desires onto others without heed of their comfort levels is a major warning sign.

 

I'm so glad you voiced this and worked through it with your partner! For some it would be enough to drive them away!

 

See, you're thoughtful. You're not selfish And, your response is very helpful. I'm not one to run out the door, at all. I enjoy getting to know couples and becoming friends to an extent. I can assure you that we'll never put ourselves in that situation again.

 

It was only drug out as long as it was because I was trying to figure out what the hell was going on - I was trying to be fair. I only bailed when it became obvious what her intentions were, from my own observation, my husband's lips and another couple who had known them for almost a year's input. When I found out that I wasn't the only couple that this had happened to, and when her jealously popped up (one night she grilled me about how much I had been talking to this other couple), and I said - probably every other day, online. She told me to look her in the eyes and tell her that. To me, that was unacceptable. I can handle jealousy to a point, and it wasn't the first time she'd done it. So, I said to her "You introduced us, I wasn't aware that we weren't allowed to talk". Then, she said "You can talk to whoever you want, honey"... I got up, went to sit next to my husband and she turned to her husband and told him to pack up, they were leaving. (I know this is backwards, sorry) I had found out that she lied to me. We made a date with her and her husband and she asked if she could bring along some friends. We found out that they were also swingers before she decided to tell us. When they came to our house - she mentioned it nonchalantly when I asked her how she knew them - "Oh, they're swingers too". We're new, she never asked us if we interested in meeting them. We all go out to dinner. They other couple is nice, but visibly uncomfortable. We all come back to our house, and she decides she wants to play a strip game. At this point, I was mentally freaking out. Three couples? Holy crap! I'm still getting used to one! She managed to drag the game out until her husband and the other gentleman were in their boxers. My husband was still fully clothed. So were the women. She told me later that she told this other couple that nothing would happen, and she just wanted to get the guys naked to tease them... This new couple ended up being very cool people, and we started talking (the one she questioned me on) and they told me that she'd never told him that nothing was going to happen, AND that they were told that she wanted to introduce us to another swinging couple. Her husband even verified it later that night with "I wondered if it would be too much too soon for you guys"...

 

So, I definitely own my fault in the matter. It should have never gone as far as it did, but man - what a mindfuck But, my husband and I have worked through it, we both realize and accept our own participation because we facilitated her behavior when we should have been sticking together. But, that was the game with her - divide and conquer. Never again, that's all I can say Wiser for the wear. And, stronger than ever.

[Thron&Thor 117]

With an open lifestyle each person begins to allow their innermost, sort of secret, desires surface and then begin to act them out thur new people. You are just seeing more of the innermost self of her being expressed and swinging empowers many to do just that...release! I have watched my Thron release in the arms of another and her smile was so worth the embrace to see her pour herself out. So let it happen and she will learn about herself in new ways as you will too and it will add to your relationship immensely. Because no one is everything to everybody and we all have something to "share & give" if we just release. Cuddling is good.

[two42lovers 273]

...thank you for your input, but I can't say that it's been helpful...

...Simply, I can't answer those questions for you. To me, none of those things seem like cuddling.

 

Two people laying there after sex, arms around each other,stroking, hugging, doesn't sound like cuddling?

 

The questions we asked were meant to provoke thinking - and we honestly are mystified by the "no cuddling" thing. It seems a lot like the "no kissing" preferance, but much more cumbersome and unworkable.

 

By the way, two_for_fun1027, in your OP you didn't mention a no cuddling rule - that was said by another poster. (In a later post you agreed with them.) We were speaking to that, and questioning whether such rules can realisticly be implemented. As for jumping up after sex and leaving, in time you may find some people actually do that.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

We've only done separate-room swap a couple of years ago with one couple, one time. And that was really a result of circumstances (the "foursome rooms" were all in use). And after we were done with sex, it was "get up, clean up, and find our spouse."

 

That being said, we usually don't cuddle. Actually, to be more accurate, we've never cuddled with another couple until recently. We just didn't have the emotional attachment that we felt was required for a cuddle-friendly atmosphere. We were there to get laid, so were they, and that was pretty much the end-all-be-all.

 

So, no, generally speaking, we don't cuddle with playmates. We don't have any "rules" against it... it just didn't feel comfortable to do so.

 

We have cuddled with one other couple, but only because we felt extremely comfortable with them. The sex was mind-blowingly awesome and we consider them close friends anyway.

 

 

 

PS - This is post 1K for me. Woot. SB FTW!

[twoready4fun 15]

We do not have a "no-cuddling" rule. If things get out of hand and either of us feel uncomfortable, we will just let the other person know. So far, it has not been an issue.

[lakeluvrs 65]

We're brand new, but I hope you don't mind me adding to this. It's something that we gave thought to.

 

We originally had a no-kissing rule. That was the thing we'd keep as our personal thing that wasn't shared with others. We were also same-room only. Well, over time we tried seperate room, and then we let the kissing thing go out the window. We've come to realize our walks in the woods and our conversations about life and things like that are the bond we have that we don't (can't!) share with others. Anything physical is pretty much fair game in play.

 

Now, the cuddling thing...

 

Back when we we had the no-kissing rule we were playhing in a room after a party and the guy and my wife finished up with what seemed like pretty spectacular mutual orgasms from the sounds of it. His wife and I were still busy, but I looked over and the guy and my wife were spooned together and he was just caressing her in the most "loving" way. I did get a sudden surge of jealousy from that. Then a couple things hit me. First, they had just had earth-shaking sex and both climaxed and they were doing what comes naturally. Second, my wife was in heaven. She was watching me do my thing, which she loves - AND she was getting a post-orgasm cuddle, which she also adores. How could I not be happy about that? Since then, we decided our rule is to do whatever comes naturally.

 

I think if we ever do seperate room again we might have a time limit. The one time we did it, me and the other woman were sitting talking long enough that we debated going back in the room for another round. Afterwards I discovered it was because the other man liked long foreplay while his wife and I apparently like getting to immediate business.

[vasilie 15]

i've seen a lot of people try to make hard and fast rules while in the scene, while its good to be on the same page with your partner these rules seem to cause more issues than they solve in the end. rules always get broken, intentional or not and that can cause problems. i think the key is to be secure with each other and then enjoy what your doing, once you stop enjoying it, you need to make a change.

 

i like to "snuggle" a little, kiss a lot so couples that had rules where those activates were a no no, then it just wouldn't work..

[LFM2 1,482]

We like our playmates, but we don't cuddle with them.

 

We don't play in separate rooms, either.

[Tia Vampire 167]

There really is no time limit for us. We just make sure we tell each other what our intentions are. Usually I wash up after every round, we either meet in the bathroom or back at the table where everything started.