Should we wait because of our weight?

[cupl4fun 361]

We actually have a billion questions, but one is as follows: We are new to the lifestyle and have no idea what to expect. we read a book that said a good way to start was going to a club because if you can't handle what you see there you won't be able to handle swinging. Here's our concern though; we're both overweight not real bad but definitely overweight. we're losing the weight and expect to be to our goals in 12 to 16 months, but we want to start playing now. if we go to a party like we are now will we be looked down on? can we try to play now? or should we wait? we just have no idea what to expect.

[imsherona2 15]

I am a BBW and have been in the lifestyle for about 5 years now...I felt the same way when I first started, but ya know what??? I was never so surprised in my life as to the acceptance of a full figured woman, never had so much fun, and found out, it really, with most people (and I say most) is not about your size, but more about your personality and attitude!!

 

However, there are a few out there that only want the Ken and Barbie types and that's okay, each to their own....but if you are comfortable with who you are, then everything else falls into place.

 

A club is a good place to start, no pressure. You can just watch, observe, and if you feel comfortable enough, then join in, make friends, etc. Good luck to you both and above all, have fun and enjoy the pleasures life has to offer. Hugs, Sharon

[LFM2 1,482]

if we go to a party like we are now will we be looked down on? can we try to play now? or should we wait? we just have no idea what to expect.

 

You might be looked down on for your weight, BUT, you could be looked down on because you have brown hair instead of red or you're not a blond.

 

I say GO! You guys go and have fun. Don't let your weight stop you. In fact, do a search on "weight" or something like that and you read those threads. You will find out others out there have the same thoughts. In fact, we really do like to go to parties because of the variety in swingers.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

First, I welcome you to the Swingersboard. Glad to see you posting messages.

 

Everybody receives a warm reception at the swingers' clubs around here. I expect it would be the same in west Texas. My advice is don't hesitate.

 

~Michael

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

There are people of all shapes and sizes at the clubs, but every club is different and you may find that you feel more comfortable at one than you might at another (perhaps one club may have more couples who are hardbodied while another may have more "average" couples). I would talk to the club owners/hosts of the clubs you expect to visit and find out what the general population fits.

 

As far as the idea that if you can't handle a club you can't handle swinging, I don't agree with that. There are many who are just more reserved and prefer 2 couples together rather than a club atmosphere. We aren't all voyeurs and exhibitionists. And on the other side of that token just because you can handle seeing other people have sex doesn't mean you can handle seeing EACH OTHER have sex.

[bellady 16]

I would say just... GO FOR IT.... and have a good time..there are all types of people in clubs and this lifestyle. Like someone else said, maybe if you find you are not comfortable in one club maybe you would be in another or meeting couples..one on one...or should I say two on two..

[ktimephoenix 156]

We had this concern before attending our first swingers party last weekend. both of us are more than slightly overweight. Mr Phoenix almost cancelled the taxi 20 minutes before it arrived because he was self concious, and Mrs phoenix swore black and blue that she wouldn't be getting naked, or going in the spa.

 

well lets just say that from the minute we walked through the door, our fears were demolished. the warmth and friendlyness of the party didn't just make us "forget" about our weight, but the fact we were included, and treated like valuable members of the party made us feel attractive. before we knew it we were naked and in the spa (at Mrs Phoenix's request!!!!) having another couple approach US to see if we wanted to play gave the old self confidence a huge boost.

 

try to find a party that gives you the option of getting naked, instead of one that has a strict dress code. most likely you will get naked, but you won't have the anxiety leading up to the moment you undress.

 

The one thing that has shocked me about what i've seen in the swinging scene so far, and it's a limited view, so might not apply everywhere, is that things that you'd expect in the "vanilla" world are turned on their head.

 

we expected a party centered around sex to feel sleazy. it didn't. in fact it felt less sleazy than any other party we'd been to. we expected people that were lookingfor sexual partners to be critical of looks. they weren't, they seemed to admire the beuty in anyone that was open and friendly. we also expected people looking for sexual partners to act a bit like singles at a disco. not really interested in us, just trying to get into our pants. but they aren't, and we had some of the most interesting conversations, and felt like people wanted to get to know us for us, not for our pink bits.

 

I say go, and enjoy yourselves.

[Chicup 41]

We actually have a billion questions, but one is as follows: We are new to the lifestyle and have no idea what to expect. we read a book that said a good way to start was going to a club because if you can't handle what you see there you won't be able to handle swinging. Here's our concern though; we're both overweight not real bad but definitely overweight. we're losing the weight and expect to be to our goals in 12 to 16 months, but we want to start playing now. if we go to a party like we are now will we be looked down on? can we try to play now? or should we wait? we just have no idea what to expect.

 

This really depends on what you are looking for and what you are attracted to.

 

If you yourself are attracted to fit couples more than overweight ones you will have better 'luck' over all if you are fit yourself. If you have a wider strike zone then you will find swingers fit all shapes and sizes and you should be able to play no problem.

 

A couple of words of advice about this.

 

Just because swingers come in all shapes and sizes doesn't mean that all websites and clubs in your area does. We have noticed this for our area that the character of a club in both looks and types of people can vary tremendously even in the same city. So don't be discouraged by your first club if everyone looks like they hit the gym 6 days a week. The next one may look like they never leave the buffet, in both cases it can discourage new couples.

 

Second, you can only make a first impression once. The swinger community is pretty small over all. Its been rather discouraging that despite the internet making it more available, people actually willing to try it and not chicken out tend to be very limited. The better shape you are in the better those first impressions will be.

 

We were in a position not unlike yours a few years ago. This is going to sound odd, maybe weird. A few years ago we were on a swinging break. I started to play WoW (read gain weight) the wife had a baby and had no motivation for months due to hormone changes (read didn't lose much of the baby weight).

 

Well things were getting back to normal and we decided to put up an add. We had lost SOME weight and were feeling better about ourselves.

 

Anyways we kept getting in better shape, and the wife REALLY worked out a lot, and we updated our pictures along the way with higher quality ones.

 

Well now about 8-9 months after we decided to put up an add again we found our original pictures on the HD. I showed them to the wife and asked 'would you play with that couple' she thought for a second and said no.

 

We from less than a year ago were, in our eyes so less attractive to us that we wouldn't play with ourselves

 

For both of us, especially my wife, being happier with ourselves really increased our confidence in meeting new couples.

 

Depending on your personalities you may be happier with the whole thing if you are in better shape before you start. Then again, many just have a blast no matter what they look like or who they are with. So its up to you to decide where you fall in that.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Cupl4fun,

 

There are so many things that may turn people off. I have a full beard, some women don't like that. Some do. Some don't care. Age, weight, bad pics, hell, the list is endless! So yeah, there will be some that won't swing with you because of your weight. But there are more people out there that will if you are having a good time at the club.

 

To give you an example, we just left Key West after spending 5 nights there. Of course, I did some searches to see what the situation looked like down there. There was a couple that I contacted that I chatted with the wife. Of course I opened up all of our pics to them. Obviously, the hubby said no because my lovely wife is a BBW. We did bump into them at a club that they frequent. I caught the drift weeks ago and had no expectation of playing with them. I saw the hubby and introduced myself. He was very standoffish. But the wife was lots of fun to chat with. We still had a good time even though the hubby disapeared into the crowd in a cloud of dust.

 

The hubby's mistake was thinking that if he talked to us they had to play. Oh well, to each their own. If you go to a party or club with the idea that the two of you are going to have a good time, you will have a good time, even if you don't play that night. It happens to us all the time and we still have a blast. So stop worrying about what others will think of you. That is their problem, not yours! Have fun!

 

S

[cupl4fun 361]

thanks for all the replies so far. Mr. and Mrs.Phoenix I hope we can find a party like you guys did it would be wonderful. I think we'll probably give it a shot and keep losing weight along the way. We know who we are even if others may not recognize it. But to all thanks for the info.

[spvcouple 123]

Hey, don't stop this thread just because you made your decision. I may have come across it a bit late but I just logged on.

Okay, I am gonna say it.......I agree with what others have said. Weight is not that big of an issue with the folks we have met. There are ladies who I wouldn't play with (in our group) who are rather fit and trim. Their persona...their attitude is what turns me away. There are other ladies who wouldn't get much of a second look at the grocery store who are VERY erotic at a party. Just depends.

The women seem to be much more shy about this than the guys. But she can rest assured, almost without fail, guys will not react in a negative way. And if they do ... would she want to play with them anyhow?

Welcome to the board. Welcome to the life-style.

[Bama0468 93]

We don't prefer clubs BUT we are able to ahndle swinging, so that is not accurate, we have been to on prem clubs and it was a good time as well, as to the weight deal, my wife is a BBW and I am a lil fluffy and the On prem clubs we have been to was still welcoming

 

 

Good luck and ENJOY

[thegardiner 15]

I agree with imsherona2, attitude and personality goes a long way. That's why even if someone does not match your 'ideal' H & W, don't rule them out. However if you are not comfortable in your own skin that will be picked up.

 

The thing about it is to be comfortable in your own skin and compliment your skin. One of the first things to work on if you are indeed concerned about your weight is to consider toning first (I'm not a doctor so I'm not even sure if you should be considering that and I'm not sure where you are at now) as in try to tone what you have a bit. Change your diet so that it can help you out that way - then start your exercise regime.

 

I've met persons who don't fit the typical HWP and found more appealing and sexy than those who are. and the key about it is attitude and personality. However you must be realistic and consider your starting point.

 

Yes you will find those who will not be "interested" because of your wait, but the majority won't "look down" on you - at least those serious about the lifestyle. That is not to say that you will not run into some mean persons who will look down on you. Don't be scared, have a good time and check your comfort levels. If you are really uncomfortable - don't worry - the lifestyle is not ending in 16 months so as you approach your target, start going out some and you'll see that you'll have a great time

 

HTH

[twoready4fun 15]

Don't wait due to weight. Nobody is perfect. If you guys are ready to get your feet wet now, go for it!

[sweet_tna 680]

Mr. Sweet and I were in your boat not so long ago. Both of us were overweight, and had begun to make the necessary lifestyle changes (exercise, eating right) to correct that when we first began swinging. We originally intended to wait until we'd had time to really start shedding pounds, but were just too anxious to start. We've not had trouble meeting people at all. And like some of the others said, there are many reasons you could be turned down (hair color, height, wearing purple socks).

 

Mr. Sweet and I have had a blast so far, and are convinced our new addition to our exercise regimen is part of our weight loss success!

 

So if you and your partner are ready to get started, then do so. I will also say it's great when your playmates notice how much better you're looking.

 

=)

[gzone 15]

I have alway like full figured lady's myself...weight would not be a limiting factor.

[Malachista 170]

GO!

 

People who look down on you now, do not deserve you when you lost weight in a year!

(I did loose weight myself since I started to swing, and people who would not even talk to me then try very hard to get me horizontal now.. sorry, but I don't do shallow people!)

[bellady 16]

I just wanted to add that swinging has been a great motivator for me to loose weight. I had been trying to loose about 20 pounds for a couple of years and never managed to motivate myself long enough to loose more than a few pounds.

Than Mr Bell and I started swingin' back in Dec. and I have lost 15 pounds since then...nothing like the thought of other people seeing you naked to get you motivated. I wanted to feel more confident and sexy and I sure do now..

 

Even if you don't ever loose any weight take the great advice you have gotten here and have fun....

[ktimephoenix 156]

GO!

 

People who look down on you now, do not deserve you when you lost weight in a year!

(I did loose weight myself since I started to swing, and people who would not even talk to me then try very hard to get me horizontal now.. sorry, but I don't do shallow people!)

 

This is a great point. A non-swinging friend of mine just had lap band surgery done as she was a very large lady. her partner supported her decision on the grounds for health and her self esteem, but had no issue with her weight when it came to the bedroom, and he got worried that once she was slim that she'd leave him to explore the world in her new, confident, slimmer body.

 

she said exactly the same thing as above. why the hell would i want to sleep with someone who would have put me down 6 months ago over someone that has supported me through thick and thin (no pun intended).

[lakeluvrs 65]

I think the only thing that matters is how YOU feel about your weight. We are taking a swinging break right now largely (pun intended) because we've put on weight the past year. The Mrs. and I both have bellies now, while I used to be pretty flat and she was a curvy but not flabby shape. A lot of people would still give their left arm to play with us - or so they tell me when I share recent nude photos - but the problem is that the Mrs. and I both feel "blah" about our bodies right now. That means we won't enjoy being naked and playing with others as much. We won't let loose as much. As soon as we feel better we'll be back in the game. And it may not be weight loss that does it so much as just being more active in the summer making us feel better about our bodies. It's not how we look, just how we feel about it.

 

I'd say if you're comfortable with your bodies, a lot of other people will be very comfortable with your bodies.

[WeMayTryIt 120]

I'd say if you're comfortable with your bodies, a lot of other people will be very comfortable with your bodies.

Right on the money, couldn't have said it better myself. Sure, there are people who only like hard bodies, but there are plenty of people who define sexual attraction and satisfaction by things other than someone's weight.