Frustrated but Understanding

[Magemouse 20]

Hello i am not sure if i am posting in the right area but it seemed it had no other group related. I am a single Male in the Mississippi area i understand that this makes me one in a billion and usally overlooked but i have been looking for a way to enjoy the company of someone else for over a year now i just learned of this site and SLS so i gess there are a few good steps but if i could get some feedback on what else i might do to not be overlooked so much i would apprechiate it im not trying to push or anything just very fustrated.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

but i have been looking for a way to enjoy the company of someone else for over a year now.

 

Can you expand a bit on what it is that you are looking for?

[sexcupid 809]

Have you tried going to meet and greets in your area? Not necessarily clubs, the meet and greets tend to be held in more public places and are usually a little less restrictive of single males.

 

Try going to these and actually meeting people. Don't expect anything. I'm not sure how to make you stand out from the pack of single males, altho I will say you at least have a picture on your profile. But you are kind of young-ish (25)...and your profile reads like so many others (I'm a pleaser, etc). So really the only way to set yourself apart is to put forth the effort to get out and meet folks.

 

Good luck!

[WesternSwing 504]

Welcome Magemouse. What exactly are you looking for? A long term relationship with a couple or more of just a swinging relationship? Both have to be approached differently since couples looking for each are looking for different things in a third.

 

Mr. WS

[Bama0468 93]

1) Here's my 2 cents, put up a pic with a nice smile, dump the pic with the Ipod and the 'whatup' hand sign.

 

2) (and I am a piss poor speller too) fix all those spelling errors in your profile, on my other puter I have a lil program that working in all areas called Tiny Spell its free and 'dings' when you mispell a word (unfortunately the mrs. won't let me add anyhting to "HER" computer unless she wants it)

[NumbskullsX2 24]

Hello i am not sure if i am posting in the right area but it seemed it had no other group related. I am a single Male in the Mississippi area i understand that this makes me one in a billion and usally overlooked but i have been looking for a way to enjoy the company of someone else for over a year now i just learned of this site and SLS so i gess there are a few good steps but if i could get some feedback on what else i might do to not be overlooked so much i would apprechiate it im not trying to push or anything just very fustrated.

Magemouse,

The sad truth of this lifetyle is that most single guys are NEVER going to connect with anyone in it. (you've been trying for HOW long, and you've met HOW many people so far?) So in that sense, it's not "you" that's the problem, it's the bullshit that some clubs and swinger websites spread about "real swinging wives!" who "swing with single males!" that's to blame.

 

They're only out to get your money. Read that again.

 

They're only out to get your money.

 

That doesn't make them bad people. We all have to earn a living. But that does make them somewhat unethical when it comes to using "swinging" to promote their scams.

 

Forget what you see and hear on swinger websites. Forget what some club owners tell you about meeting couples and "real swinging wives!" at their clubs. Very few couples and even fewer single women are "looking for single males." The ones that are can be, and are, VERY selective. If you attend a club or join a website that permits single males, it's not because the couples want you there, it's because the management wants you there. That is because.....(say it together, class!)........

 

They're only out to get your money. Remember?

 

Occasionally a single guy does connect with a couple. But if you are not young, fit, attractive, and/or reasonably intelligent, your chances of that happening are almost non-existent. That's not a slam against you, the fact is that most husbands who swing as part of a couple (myself included) would't be successful as single males if we had to proceed in this alone.

 

OK, to answer your original question about "how not to get overlooked" in this. After reading your post and your SLS profile, I would (respectfully) suggest that you are not one of those select few guys who's going to be successful at this as a single male. But you might be, as part of a couple. Therefore, my advice to you would be......find a woman

 

IMHO, if you can't find a woman to do this with, you're never going to find a couple.

[LFM2 1,482]

I have to disagree with NumbskullsX2. This is JMHO, but, we happen to think there is someone for everyone in the wild world of swinging.

 

We enjoy our single male whom we play with on a regular basis. Although he might have someone new to play with, he's a great single guy. We are a couple that really enjoy respectable, intelligent, single males, and I do believe that there are other couples out there just like us.

 

What I suggest is:

1. Know what you're looking for.

2. Write a good bio with PROPER SPELLING and grammar and be honest.

3. Look up at all the links at the top of the page. Look under "Swinger Advice" and then click on "Advice for single guys". Read that. If you have questions, please ask.

[gnb4u 15]

No actually numbskulls was about right on the money.

 

I am with JustAskJulie and think you need to provide a little more info as to what you are looking for in order for any of us to offer much pertinent advice.

 

If you are looking for quick and easy sex without having to get married or be in a serious LTR then join the other 3 billion men on the planet and take a number.

 

A single male in the lifestyle fills a couple roles and if you are attractive, flirty and charming and comfortable with those roles you stand a chance. Those roles are being the 3rd in an MFM and being an extra cock in a gang bang. Anything other than that and you stand a much higher chance of success with regular vanilla gals in normal situations.

[LFM2 1,482]

No actually numbskulls was about right on the money.

 

I am with JustAskJulie and think you need to provide a little more info as to what you are looking for in order for any of us to offer much pertinent advice.

 

If you are looking for quick and easy sex without having to get married or be in a serious LTR then join the other 3 billion men on the planet and take a number.

 

A single male in the lifestyle fills a couple roles and if you are attractive, flirty and charming and comfortable with those roles you stand a chance. Those roles are being the 3rd in an MFM and being an extra cock in a gang bang. Anything other than that and you stand a much higher chance of success with regular vanilla gals in normal situations.

 

You two make it sound almost impossible to to swing single. A lot of what you say is plausible. What I'm trying to say is that it IS possible. I do realize that there are a million other guys out there trying to swing single too and there are the jerks that give single males a bad name. Hopefully, this guy is adult enough, mature enough and wise enough to know how to make a difference.

 

Now, if the the guy is after a wham, bam, thank you ma'am kind of experience, well then... I withdraw my previous post. He has about a snowballs chance in hell of making it in this LS.

[LFM2 1,482]

Actually, when I think about it really hard, I think I'm projecting here. I'm wishing all single males were like the one we play with. We've never met up with a different male, but if they were all like the one we love to play with.... Hell, single males would be a booming business.

[Dynamar 246]

Very few couples and even fewer single women are "looking for single males."

How, exactly, do people get this notion? Not sure where your data comes from Numbskulls, but I'm a single female and I also know lots of single females in the lifestyle. To the tune of a couple dozen or so. All of them... let me repeat... all of them, every single one enjoy and definitely want to meet quality single males.

 

To the OP I would say... be patient, be kind and perhaps see if the people who cert'ed you would be willing to take you along to some meet & greets or house parties. And remember that there's about as many ways to swing as there are people swinging. Don't let some couples who think that their way is the only way deter you from getting to know people and enjoying yourself. That being said... fleshing out your profile a little bit and adding some nice smiling face pix to your profile certainly wouldn't hurt.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

Back in a prior life, I was a "Single Male" in the swinging world. But I found it quite my accident. More accurately, it found me.

 

I was straight outta' Basic Training and at a new posting. I was also lonely, horny, and pretty naive. But, first and foremost, I was (and still am) a computer nerd, so I do what any computer nerd does... hooks up his computer and starts to look for porn. This was before the Internet really took off, so the usually repositories of porn were BBS (Bulletin Board Systems) that you had to dial up into with a modem. I start looking around and find an "Adult-themed" BBS named Pacific Velvet. I create an account and start chatting with the folks there. I had no idea that it was a swinger's BBS. I didn't even know what swinging was.

 

Still clueless to the ultimate nature of the sight, I continued to chat... and slowly made friends. I was a little surprised at how almost everybody was part of a couple ("and on a porn BBS too!"), and at first nobody would talk to me. But I was lonely, and I enjoyed the companionship, even it was virtual. Eventually I was accepted. And I still had no idea what I was getting into.

 

Remember how I said I was a little naive? Change that to "very naive."

 

One of my chat friends admitted that he was also in the Army and actually worked at the same place I did! We arranged to have lunch one day and hit it off pretty well. Eventually he (Let's call them Mr. and Mrs. R) introduced me to his wife, who I was instantly attracted to. I thought she was pretty flirty... but I didn't take no action (he was my friend after all). And yet I still had no idea what I was getting into.

 

One day, I'm invited over to their place (which I've already been to several times to hang out and play video games) for a Saturday night party. I'm told that it's a "Pacific Velvet-only" party. I'm pretty hyped, as I had met some other people from the board (and yet I still had no idea...) but this would be the first PV gathering that I had attended.

 

So I park my car, ring the doorbell, and he answers the door. "Chris! You made it! Come in!" So I come in and I'm immediately handed a drink. I notice several people that I've already met... and they were making out... and not with the people that I knew were their spouses. I was a little confused. When Mrs. R came over, said hi, and immediately gave me a deep long kiss... well, I was VERY confused at that point. I finally break free to ask "Uh, what's going on? And why is your wife kissing me like that?" He replies "Well, she always thought you were cute, and what do you expect to happen at a swinger's party?" I'm silent for a couple of seconds just to reply "A what now?"

 

They were shocked... they really thought I knew. So they take me to their room to give me a (verbal...) primer into the Lifestyle. After they're done, they leave me alone to make my decision, while being assured that if I chose not to participate, nobody would think any less of me.

 

As you can see.... I chose..... wisely.

[Guest screaminggood]

I disagree with Numbskull, too. I regularly look and find attractive, single men to play with...and guess what, I'm looking for good sex for the night, not a relationship! The club we go to most often must not be making too much money off of single men because they limit their numbers (and I sometimes wish they wouldn't)!

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I see a few people disagreeing with Numbskulls, but I'm not sure what exactly you all are disagreeing with (With the exception of Dynamar, who makes a valid point from her perspective and experiences. No argument there).

 

I would like to summarize what Numbskulls posted, and maybe that will help me see what the disagreement is over.

 

1. The sad truth of this lifestyle is that most single guys are NEVER going to connect with anyone in it.

- I have to agree with this. Many will try, only a few will succeed. It takes a special man to be successful in swinging. Think about how many single guy ads you see online. How many do you think are successful? We know a guy that was a regular at a couples only club for quite a while. When he and his lady friend went their separate ways, he has obviously struggled to stay in

the swinging community as a single male.

 

2. So in that sense, it's not "you"that's the problem, it's the bullshit that some clubs and swinger websites spread about "real swinging wives!" who "swing with single males!" that's to blame. They're only out to get your money.

- Ever see those ads from AFF on some of the sites you visit? "Meet these girls from (insert your city here)". Kyra, Delila, Monique, Portia, blah, blah, blah. All these hot girls wanting to meet you single guy! It's the biggest bunch of BS this side of the Nigerian email scams. Yeah, they want your money.

 

3. Very few couples and even fewer single women are "looking for single males." The ones that are can be, and are, VERY selective.

- I don't know if it's very few, but I do know it's a smaller portion of the general swinging community. Kind of obvious when you read the threads that sometimes evolve into "Single-Male Smackdown" sessions (which I don't really care for).

 

4. . If you attend a club or join a website that permits single males, it's not because the couples want you there, it's because the management wants you there. That is because....They're only out to get your money.

- Lots of clubs that allow single males do charge a larger entry fee. You can debate the reasons, but, fact is, they pay more.

 

5. Occasionally a single guy does connect with a couple. But if you are not young, fit, attractive, and/or reasonably intelligent, your chances of that happening are almost non-existent.

- I know it's not warm and fuzzy, but once again, it does take the special man to make the connection (For examples, see posts by Thrax, Curious Again, Eternally Single).

 

6. The fact is that most husbands who swing as part of a couple (myself included) wouldn't be successful as single males if we had to proceed in this alone.

- Same here. I feel fairly confident that I would be on the outside looking in.

 

7. After reading your post and your SLS profile, I would (respectfully) suggest that you are not one of those select few guys who's going to be successful at this as a single male.

- Maybe. Maybe not. But the odds would suggest that Numbskulls is right.

 

8. But you might be, as part of a couple. Therefore, my advice to you would be......find a woman

- No doubt it would be easier. See my previous statement about the guy that was in, but now is out.

 

Overall, I'd have to agree with the general sentiments with the post. It may have been raw and very direct, which might be where some of the disagreement stems from, but, I can't really disagree with the post as a whole

 

 

So, where did I go wrong in my assessment of Numbskulls' post?

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Back in a prior life, I was a "Single Male" in the swinging world. But I found it quite my accident. More accurately, it found me.......................................................................As you can see.... I chose..... wisely.

 

Man, that was a funny story!

 

Thanks for sharing that.

[MRSfun 152]

I'm with Julie, could you explain more of what you are looking for ?

 

Are you wanting a profile review ?

 

Your picture is kind of cute in your profile, but I don't understand your needs ?

 

Could you add to your post ?

[des1re06 200]

Here's what I find frustrating about single males.

 

Met a great looking guy and we had several chat sessions. We talked about normal things, not sex. He impressed me right away with his intelligence and humor. He was in his late 20s, owned his own business and was very interested in me.

 

We decided on a weekend when we would meet. We drove 2.5 hours and planned to meet for dinner and then go on to a swing club. Called his cell - no answer, left vm. He never called back the entire weekend.

 

Got an email back a few days later - he was sick.

 

Continued to chat with him and made plans for another meet.

 

Same outcome. We drove 2.5 hours, went to the club, called him several times. No answer or return call.

 

So, it was frustrating and we had to ditch him.

 

If you make plans, stick to them. If you arrive and there's no chemistry, then say so. Don't stand people up.

 

When we meet single males at a club, this doesn't happen. They're there to play and so are we. You do have to stand out among the crowd though. Be polite, talk to BOTH the husband and wife, dress nice and above all respect our relationship.

 

If you'd like more pointers on how to impress, just ask.

 

 

Mrs. D

[LFM2 1,482]

OK... here is what I disagree with... But remember, our swinging style might not be like others. We are after sex. New experiences, new men, new women, new couples. We try to keep things as simple as they can get and NOT to over think things. It's sex. Plain and simple. No strings attached sex. For the fun of it.

 

You summarized NumskullsX2 post very well, I'll add.

 

I would like to summarize what Numbskulls posted, and maybe that will help me see what the disagreement is over.

 

1. The sad truth of this lifestyle is that most single guys are NEVER going to connect with anyone in it.

- I have to agree with this. Many will try, only a few will succeed. It takes a special man to be successful in swinging. Think about how many single guy ads you see online. How many do you think are successful? We know a guy that was a regular at a couples only club for quite a while. When he and his lady friend went their separate ways, he has obviously struggled to stay in

the swinging community as a single male.

 

I just don't find this true. There are plenty of couples out there that like single men. At least there are in my area. Singles (including men) are pretty popular. But, we've also found that people have pretty much the same swinging style as we do. There are some couples that aren't going to be very successful in swinging because of their attitude just like some singles won't be very successful. It all depend on what someone is looking for.

 

 

3. Very few couples and even fewer single women are "looking for single males." The ones that are can be, and are, VERY selective.

- I don't know if it's very few, but I do know it's a smaller portion of the general swinging community. Kind of obvious when you read the threads that sometimes evolve into "Single-Male Smackdown" sessions (which I don't really care for).

Still, around here, singles are accepted into any swinging situation. There is a breed of guys around here that seem to have manners and are respectful of both partners. They don't focus primarily on the female. It's a mutual thing all around.

 

5. Occasionally a single guy does connect with a couple. But if you are not young, fit, attractive, and/or reasonably intelligent, your chances of that happening are almost non-existent.

- I know it's not warm and fuzzy, but once again, it does take the special man to make the connection (For examples, see posts by Thrax, Curious Again, Eternally Single).

Our single male is not young, fit or really attractive. What he does do for me though is give me one hellava good time. He's respectful, he and Dave have actually gotten to be good friends and he's intellectual. He can talk about a wide range of things intelligently. Again, geographically, that is just us.

 

6. The fact is that most husbands who swing as part of a couple (myself included) wouldn't be successful as single males if we had to proceed in this alone.

- Same here. I feel fairly confident that I would be on the outside looking in.

I had to include this one just because I found it so funny. I can't even imagine Dave as a single swinger. I can't say how successful he'd be, although he does bring a lot to a party. Then again, I'm biased.

 

I do understand what you guys are trying to say, yet I just don't agree with ALL of it, however some of it is very valid. And still, another thing to remember is that this just our experiences and my opinion. I have been wrong before, but empirically, it's been proven in my geographic area that single men are respected and welcome.

[Guest screaminggood]

I also disagreed with Numbskull because I felt his generalities were, well, too general! I'm the fem half of a couple and I regularly enhance my experiences with single men, and lately I've been finding some awesome guys in the clubs! Yum, yum!

 

As for the husband question, I'm pretty certain my hubby could be even more successful if he were a single than we are together as a couple. You see, every time I leave to go get a drink or spend time talking to someone else, there are women literally all over him...making point blank offers.

[Dynamar 246]

I disagreed with Numbskull because my mama taught me that being nice costs nothing. Remember how your mama always said... "It's not what you say, it's how you say it?"

 

I felt that besides being flat out generalizing, he was very disrespectful to the OP, in my opinion.

[Magemouse 20]

Alright thanks for all the feed back.I have corrected the spelling mistakes in my SLS profile and i will be posting a few more pictures of myself (i just recovered from my coputer crashing so i lost most of my pictures). As for what i am ooking for is simple but i do understand that most single males say the same thing but i am truly honest when i say the only thing i want from meeting with other people eather here or on SLS or in real life is the pleaser of there company. I have come to understand theat my one true want (some would say need) in life is almost as obtainable as finding a dimand the size of a car in my backyard. that want is to find a Famale Dom that understands my background and can enjoy me fully

[Magemouse 20]

To add to what i am looking for since the end of my last post sounds bitter and i do not mean it to be is the company of another person single male single female or a couple. I had a meet 2 days ago with a couple that was everything I was looking for we went to a casino and had a great conversation ended up at a hotel and had a great time. Up till that experiance i had not been able to meet anyone that would even talk to me or get to know me so i was a little fustrated and wanted to know how to deal with it

[good times 991]

I have to say, while everyone makes some good points, as a general observation NumbskullsX2 post reflects our observations exactly.

 

We have three on-premise clubs in Reno, all of them admit single males to their parties, except for one club that has one couples only party per week, in addition to their parties on other nights when single males are allowed. The vast majority of the single males that come to the clubs never hook up with anyone, ever. The ones that do amount to less than 5% of the single males that go to the clubs. So while it is true that it is possible for single males to successfully hook up with couples, it isn't automatic, and it takes a lot of patience. Even at that, the majority of single males that we know that attend the local clubs never hook up with anyone. I have even asked a couple of them who are nice guys but never hook up with anyone, why they come to the club every week when they never get to play. They say they like the club atmosphere and maybe someday they will get lucky.

[NumbskullsX2 24]

I'm a single female and I also know lots of single females in the lifestyle. To the tune of a couple dozen or so. All of them... let me repeat... all of them, every single one enjoy and definitely want to meet quality single males.

Oh you do eh? Well no wonder the rest of us can never find one, you've got them all bottled up up there in "flyover country!" (wherever that is)

 

Maybe you could spring a few loose and send them up to Ohio some Saturday night? I know a lot of couples and even a few guys who would be most thankful!

 

Seriously, these dozens of "single female swingers" that you know, how large an area are we talking about? Your town or city? Your state? Several states? The internet?

 

Allow me to illustrate by way of example. I own something that is somewhat rare. So rare, in fact, that saying what it is would probably reveal my identity in this small community. I personally know about 25 or 30 other people who also own one of these items, so I guess it could be said that there are "lots" of us who own them. However, I don't know of anybody within 150 miles of me who has one (believe me, I would know) so you could also say that "very few" people have one. It all depends on your perspective.

 

The reason I stated to this gentleman that "very few single women were looking for single males" was because that has been our experience in this lifestyle. On a typical Saturday night at the last club we attended, they would usually draw between 7 and 10 single males, but never more than 1 or 2 single females, if any. Not only did the men far outnumber the women, but they were there for sex, while the women were more focused on dancing, socializing, and meeting other couples. I can't say they "never" connected with the single males because they probably did, but it didn't happen as much as you would think.

 

I wasn't trying to discourage Magemouse from participating in this lifestyle. He asked a question. I read his post, taking note of his spelling and use of the English language. I then looked at his profile, noting his choice of introductory picture (complete with iPod and gang symbol) and interests. It would have been easy to suggest he make some changes to the above, but one thing I've noticed about internet profiles........

 

You can change the profile, but you don't change the essential person behind them.

 

All-in-all, he didn't impress me as a guy who was likely to find much success at this as a single male. That's why I suggested he find a partner. I'm sorry if my recommendation came off as being cruel or unkind. I wasn't trying to come off like that guy on "American Idol," just trying to offer him a way to be successful at this.

 

It's a sad, but undeniable fact that this lifestyle is like the line at "Studio 54." Couples, single females, and a few very select single males are invited to "step over the velvet rope." The rest will still be waiting in line when the place closes.

[Dynamar 246]

Numbskulls, thanks for your kinder and gentler reply. Now... was that so hard?

 

In response to your question... the single fems I am acquainted with all live within a couple hours drive of Louisville, Ky., are in the age range of 25-55, all reasonably attractive & intelligent, and gainfully employed. Some are bi, some are straight. Some play with couples, some do not. None of them regularly attend swing clubs, preferring to make initial connections with people either online or via networking and Meet & Greets.

 

All my original reply was meant to relay was that there are plenty of ways to accomplish the same goal... and please be more careful and objective when advising a newbie. That is all.

[gnb4u 15]

You two make it sound almost impossible to to swing single. A lot of what you say is plausible. What I'm trying to say is that it IS possible. I do realize that there are a million other guys out there trying to swing single too and there are the jerks that give single males a bad name. Hopefully, this guy is adult enough, mature enough and wise enough to know how to make a difference.

 

Now, if the the guy is after a wham, bam, thank you ma'am kind of experience, well then... I withdraw my previous post. He has about a snowballs chance in hell of making it in this LS.

 

Not impossible just highly unlikely at any given time and place. And I would bet good money that the vast vast majority of the SMs that come on to LS websites and that try to get into clubs ARE trying to get a wham bam experience.

[gnb4u 15]

While dynamar and screaminggood are probably being sincere in their assertion that there are single fems that play with SMs the part they are probably missing is that of shear numbers.

 

There are very few active SFs in the lifestyle and of the ones there are they probably aren't really playing with large volumes of SMs. Each of them probably have a few favorites that they hook up with now and then and they probably are not out there screwing a new guy every night.

 

Same with couples, there are a percentage of couples that have a favorite or two that they play with and that is probably about it. when you throw in the volume of single guys that are out there trying to score a piece there just isn't enough to go around.

 

Yes there are some SMs out there that are getting some sack time now and then but for each guy that scores there are probably hundreds that are sitting at their computers getting nowhere.

 

I agree with numbskulls In that places that market to SMs about hot single gals and horny housewives wanting to screw SMs is marketing trying to get a buck. Any woman can screw any guy if she wants. she doesn't have to go to any club to get it.

 

I also agree with good times in that the guys that do attend LS clubs regularly realize that they will score very rarely and they realize that their odds are better at vanilla bars but they go to LS clubs because they like the atmosphere there better. They are not there because of all the sex they are getting.

 

I do think it is pertinent to let single guys know when they come onto a forum asking why they aren't getting laid by a different hot chick every night that it is not realistic for the them to think that all these hot single gals and horny housewives are going to drop their drawers for them.

[TNT 1,155]

Hello Magemouse and .

 

As you can probably tell, being a single man in swinging is not an easy task. It CAN be done.

 

Some suggestions for you are...

 

Never contact a couple unless they specifically state in their profile that they play with single men.

 

Be yourself, no one likes a fake.

 

Change the pictures on your SLS profile...a smile will go a long ways.

 

You are in an area the has a GREAT club that does allow single men to attend. If you go to a club, follow their rules and allow the regulars to get to know you. Never be pushy.

 

Join a yahoo group or some of the groups on SLS that allow single men. Some of these groups throw regular house parties that singles are invited to. Singles tend to have better luck at house parties than at a club.

 

Realize that there are a LOT of couples who do enjoy single men but, there will always be those that think single men have no place in swinging. Right or wrong it's the way things are and something you will have to learn to deal with.

 

Always show respect.

 

You've found the best place to gather information on swinging there is. Read over as many of the threads/post in the Single & Swinging forum as you can and if you have any questions, never hesitate to ask.

 

Teresa

[absingleman 178]

Magemouse...

I've been doing this swinging thing off and on for 22 years. The one thing I've learned is that on any given night I have a better chance getting laid by someone I met in the grocery store than by someone I met on a swing site or the rare swing club I decide to visit. Why? I'm more myself at the grocery store than in a swing environment. Think about it.

 

In one situation you are doing what comes naturally, and women respond to that. In the other situation, you are trying to do everything right, and women respond to that, also. Negatively. Nobody likes to be around someone who tries too hard. It convey's insecurity and insincerity. Don't try so hard.

 

Also, it has been my experience that when single men (myself included) think about swinging, they either fixate on the sex part, or they try to put the sex part on the back burner and get to know the people they are meeting. Look, eveyone who swings is doing it for the sex. Not the friendship, the chance for a long term relationship, or feeling of belonging to something bigger than themselves. Its about sex. Admit to it, and move on. Don't dwell on it, and don't try to ignore it. Thats being insincere.

 

If you learn how to be yourself, you will swing. Yes, being yourself doesn't work in dating (lol), but this isn't dating. You are not trying to meet a potential lifetime partner, so you don't have to make her want you over other men. You just have to make the couple or single woman trust you enough to let you have sex with them. Thats where most single men fail. They approach it like dating.

 

Even with single women who swing, the first thing you have to do is put them at ease and make them see you as someone they can trust. By that time, most objections they have towards you will be about things you can't control, like you looks or age.

 

Lastly, don't take this so seriously. I've read so many post by newbies who get frustrated because the porn sites didn't deliver on their promises. I turned down sex with three single women this week. That is two more than the number of couples I wrote to on SLS in the last year. Its all in the attitude. With the right attitude, you don't have to look for sex, you just have to make your self available for it.

 

(ugh...I thought the new name would eliminate the novella posts LOL)

[Magemouse 20]

Again thanks for all the support and advice i would like to point out that i may have been a bit unclear in my post about this but i am not looking for just sex i want to meet people that enjoy others company and if it leads to sex then thats good to. my problem i seem to keep running into is that someone will contact me once. then never talk again. i wait for like a month it is so fustrating ( i do need to do something about my lak of quality pic dont i:rolleyes:)

[des1re06 200]

Yes, on the pic. It's not just about cock, but the whole package. Are you really going to meet a lady for a date in a t-shirt?

 

Please fix the spelling errors. Copy and paste your text into MS Word and run spell checker.

 

Put some of what you just posted in your profile. Most ladies I know want a regular single male.

 

We're here to help you succeed.

 

Good luck!

 

Mrs. D

[Magemouse 20]

Thank you I did as you suggested with MS Word i think it helped alot still working on new pics i did post one more of me dressed up at school i think it looks decent would love any extra feed back on it you have all been so helpful to me. I doe appreciate it also any comments the words in my profile or helpful suggestions on what not to or what to add?

[Guest screaminggood]

Magemouse,

 

You still have a spelling error "allot" should be "a lot."

 

The new picture is better, but you honestly still need a better one. Consider having a professional picture made, or find a friend that is an amateur photographer that could take a bunch for you to choose from.

 

Also, you might want to get a little more personal in your profile. Add something that makes you stand out from the crowd....you might want to take your strap-on fantasy and expand it for instance.

 

In my opinion, as a fem who does single men, I'd lose some of the "you're in control" verbage. Use it once but right now it's in there too often. The object is to make every word count, not to be reassuring repetitively. Like I said, it's my opinion, others may see it differently.

[Bama0468 93]

And smile in the new pic!! I know my wife looks at a smile and eyes, and I also know some of us guys like to be BEHIND the camera rather than in front and I having braces tend not to smile much but at least try to grin wide

[NumbskullsX2 24]

I'm guess I'm one of those who sees it differently.

 

I think he should leave his profile alone. It's fine as is.

 

What IS the use of fine tuning somebody else's profile, anyway? You're not changing that person, only substituting your words for your their own. If you're going to go to all that trouble, you might as well substitute your picture for theirs as well. Especially if you're better looking than they are.

 

Sooner or later, everybody meets somebody whose profile doesn't match the real "them" Usually they turn out to be older or heavier than their profile says they are, or their sexual interests or "relationship status" is more wishful thinking than fact. Whatever the nature of their deception, it's still a waste of our time to "meet" somebody that exists only in the past, or in the mind of somebody else.

 

Magemouse-

 

You didn't ask for a profile review, but it looks like you're getting one anyway. I feel your profile gives everybody who reads it a good idea of who YOU really are. I'm pretty certain that anybody who contacts you after reading it will not be dissapointed, or feel you've "promised more in your profile than you could deliver in person" The picture you've chosen for your profile is just fine also. It's true that the pics of you giving a "gang symbol" or standing in a convenience store may not appeal to some "Ivy League" people, but that's not what you're about anyway, is it? Just let your profile be a reflection of your real self, and you'll be fine.

[Bama0468 93]

Hello i am not sure if i am posting in the right area but it seemed it had no other group related. I am a single Male in the Mississippi area i understand that this makes me one in a billion and usally overlooked but i have been looking for a way to enjoy the company of someone else for over a year now i just learned of this site and SLS so i gess there are a few good steps but if i could get some feedback on what else i might do to not be overlooked so much i would apprechiate it im not trying to push or anything just very fustrated.

 

right here is where he asked for help, all we were doing is giving input, No it does not change "WHO" he is, but he was asking how to not be so overlooked, Its Just our Humble opinion. But he has to do what is right for Himself

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

I'm guess I'm one of those who sees it differently.

 

I think he should leave his profile alone. It's fine as is.

That makes two of us.

 

I've been following this thread from its infancy and the only thing I thought Magemouse should change in his profile was adding what he mentioned here:

 

I have come to understand theat my one true want (some would say need) in life is almost as obtainable as finding a dimand the size of a car in my backyard. that want is to find a Famale Dom that understands my background and can enjoy me fully

 

Adding what you are looking for sexually is always a good idea in any profile. Magemouse has since changed his SLS profile so that it mentions his interest in S&M, Bondage, and being a sub.

 

 

 

I don't think he needs a "smiley" picture, or needs to correct every spelling error. Making these changes would not protray him as accurately.

 

Your profile is just fine. Those who contact you will have the most genuine image of what to expect when meeting you because YOU have written the profile and selected pictures that you feel best describe who you are.

 

LM

[Magemouse 20]

Thank you I would like a better picure but as i said i crashed my computer and lost my 20 some picures i had (worning to all allways back up your info) lol i am working on a pic of me in a suite also maybe a few of me at a club or just relaxing.

[Clandestine 15]

I see this a lot on the sites I frequent in the UK.

 

The only way I've seen single males truly "successful" is by joining in, being themselves and not giving up after rejection.

 

There are lots out there who think all they have to do is contact a million people and they're "in". It doesn't work like that

 

In my experience, people have to get to know each other in order to be "successful" longterm and that involves effort.

 

Or go to a few swinging clubs and do it that way.

 

Personally I prefer to swing with my friends, rather than random strangers....unless I'm in a club so I meet people socially before anything swinging wise happens. It's also a safety thing, coming from a single female