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JustAskJulie

How long have you been thinking about/discussing swinging?

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Never tried it. My SO is medically out of action so I am kind of high and dry.

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... If she just wants a hall pass, or even some friends that can relate, I think I could give her that.
I'm a firm believer that the best way to start is to let your wife take the lead and do what she feels comfortable with and is the most fun for her. No arguments, and the payoff is huge.
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Greetings. We are new here. I (Marla) have some experience swinging. But it was a long (long) time ago before I met Brian. We been together almost 30-years. Last year (I was a bit buzzed) I mentioned my past swinging to him. At first I thought he might get mad, but was pleased to see he was aroused. So I told him some of the details. I swapped a few times with my first husband but didn't really enjoy it. I knew marriage was on rocks and he talked me into it, I was thinking it might help smooth things out. Of course it didn't and we divorced. After my divorce I did have some fun 3 or 4 times a year with a group of friends that would meet up for a long weekend. I also use to travel a fair amount for work and was able to have fun on the road. But as I mentioned it was a long time ago. Anyways, since I brought it up to Brian we've talked about starting up (he has no experience). But since I've been out of it for such a long time I feel like a novice. So we joined this site to mainly get information about the lifestyles ins & outs (so to speak no pun intended) these days. So I think we will be reading a lot of the forms to get up to speed about the lifestyle. So thanks to all those who post here, it will help us in many ways as this journey moves on, if it does at all.

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Sounds like a similar story to Ms. Golds experience: Her (then) husband convinced her to try swinging with some friends (which is why we don't support swinging with friends) in an effort to 'improve' their marriage... it didn't and it cost them some friends. The marriage was already in trouble and it also ended that. Several years later when we met, we were telling each other about our romantic experiences and she told me about how they experimented with swinging. Much to my surprise, she said that she could possibly be interested in trying swinging again, it just needed to be with the right person and circumstances. We started doing research (we are both data junkies) and found this forum (as well as other information from the web) and here we are! Swinging will never save a bad relationship, but it can add the sprinkles to the great ice cream sundae of life. Let us know if you have any questions or just want to talk more.

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Seems like we been discussing it a few years now but have not taken that big first step.

 

I'm 60 Gwen around the same.

 

Long story here, but if you got time to kill and some comments feel free to....

 

Couple years ago, we had been out wine tasting one afternoon and came home and were fucking. During a break in the action out of the blue Gwen tells me about some of her past fun......I had an idea she had some fun but she never brought it up.

 

She tells me she and her first husband swapped a few times. Seems she agreed to do it because marriage was going through rough patch and she thought it might help. It didn't and they divorced.

 

After her divorce she started hanging out with a group of friends, over time it became a small swingers group. 3 or 4 times a year they would met up for an extended weekend of some group fun. Also during this time she traveled for work and had some fun times (one night flings they were called back then) while on business trips. 

She also told me some nice stories of random encounters......

 

Well her stories got me rock hard again instantly (and when I think about them now I still get aroused). Over the next few weeks I wondered why she brought the subject up. I had my hopes up she wanted to swing again, I never had. We talked about it on and off for a while, but we have not taken the next step. I'm willing to but Gwen backs out each time. I would like to have some fun but not going to sneak out on my own. Would love to watch her enjoy a couple guys, and while I would enjoy seeing her have fun I sure hope I would be able to have fun with their wives......

 

I still bring it up now and then and she just laughs it off. One thing I'm still trying to figure out is after hearing some wild times she had, she always been sexually conservative with me. Perhaps that falls on me...... with me never been to adventurous pretty much routine sex. And she doesn't enjoy giving or receiving oral (again maybe thats on me). But hearing tell the stories she seemed to enjoy that and other things back then.....

 

I'll continue to bring it up once in a great while....never say never.....

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It is possible that somewhere in the back of her mind she is trying to protect what she has with you.  We were of a similar age when we started. We had been married long enough to have three adult children. It took some time and reassurances from me for her to realize that we were stable enough that playing would not rock the boat.

 

Since then things have progressed well with only a few minor bumps along the way. The bumps were all part of the learning curve and not serious.

 

I'd suggest keeping the conversation going., focussing on her thoughts and concerns. You can address it a wanting to understand her view of the subject. Do not argue your points or try to correct. After she has exhausted her points, say you would like to take a bit to digest them an ask to come back  later to the conversation.

 Take time to really look at what she is saying, then come back with ,more questions, suggestions etc.

 

Be sure you ask her how she feels about your interest. She will probably have a few questions that she needs to put into words.

( That part led me to some interesting soul searching and revelations to myself, that finally cleared the path.) 

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Serious conversation about swinging started during lockdown which was the worst time ever. We were having groceries delivered to us and we wiped every item that came into our house. What started as fun talk became serious over time and we joked about every type of sexual deviance and then decided it’s not deviant if we both can agree and it doesn’t hurt anyone. Working from home gave us much together time and opening up with things we never talked about. 

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21 hours ago, ROCKlandCpl said:

it’s not deviant if we both can agree and it doesn’t hurt anyone.

It is deviant.  It deviates from social norms and those who want to control you.  But as you say, so long as it is mutually consensual and not hurting anyone, it is moral.  It is even obligatory if you want to live a full and adventurous life. 

 

As a woman who started non-monogamy by having a two boyfriends, both knowing and monogamous with me, one of whom became my husband, it gave me a sense of power and confidence that improved the rest of my life, especially as a young professional.  With my consent (more than consent, it was my idea) and under my control, finding women for my husband to have sex with, becoming bi, inviting one then another into our family, having hubby make children with them, me having a child with my boyfriend, were all deviant (my father has told me I'm a whore and doesn't speak to me) but these are our choices, my choices which have made my life infinitely more fulfilling than most.

Edited by couplers
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2 hours ago, couplers said:

It is deviant.  It deviates from social norms and those who want to control you.  But as you say, so long as it is mutually consensual and not hurting anyone, it is moral.  It is even obligatory if you want to live a full and adventurous life. 

With all the at home time, no travel to and from work time, no rushing home to cook dinner, we caught plenty of Netflix and Prime and the explored streaming Pornhub. It’s not that we never watched porn before, it’s just we started exploring categories we would usually stay away from. We watched some that neither of us cared to watch more of. Other things interested us more bringing us to explore our own fun and some were funny to us. The more we watched the less we liked the produced porn, people don’t act like that. And then we explored real people clips and realized that could be us. 

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My husband and I have been married 32 years and for the past couple years have been interested in swinging. We just don’t know where to go to meet other couples in our area. 

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9 minutes ago, Maria said:

My husband and I have been married 32 years and for the past couple years have been interested in swinging. We just don’t know where to go to meet other couples in our area. We live in Michigan.

 

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Maria, we were in a similar situation to you guys a few years ago. We wrote about it in a story here entitled “A Surprise at the Red Rooster”. We’re on the West Coast and the opportunities out here maybe a little different from those in Michigan. With the current COVID issues not sure what the club opportunities maybe for you guys. You may want to check out some of the websites like Kasidie, SLS, and SDC. I’m sure you’ll find some couple in your area and you can start from there. Good luck and enjoy yourselves. 

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H and I have been talking about it for years. We been to swinger resort to see what it is all about but nothing happened. We fantasize about having sex with other people in the bedroom. When do you know you are ready? Has full swap ever happened in the heat of the moment how did of handle it?

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Welcome Tahoe! See your other thread for responses. Are you FROM Tahoe? If so, we are from just down the hill if you want to talk.

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We have been talking about it for about a year. It has helped us discover some kinks and interests but we haven't taken the plunge yet. I am hoping to continue the conversation when my wife recovers from her surgery and see if we can move past just a fantasy.

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On 4/14/2022 at 7:14 AM, Ironman2809 said:

Hi, I am always thinking of swinger, but don’t know how to start.

If you're married, you start with a discussion with your spouse. Be honest, be open, be nonjudgmental, be loving. Go at their pace, not yours.

 

Related; I'd thought there would have been an article in the "articles" section on this forum regarding getting started in swinging, but there isn't one. Surprised.

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We have been discussing it for about 3 years. We have not actually ventured into the LS yet but there have been many discussions, fights, reconnections and revelations about each other since our first conversation about the lifestyle. Even though we have not attempted it yet, having the discussion brought us closer together and began the journey of us both exploring and learning new kinks for us.

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We are recently retired. The children are grown and gone and we are enjoying an empty nest. We watched a movie about a hot wife and we both thought it was hot and exciting, and continued discussing the idea of bringing another couple into our sex lives. We both like the idea of a threesome or foursome. It would have to be someone we we could trust to be discrete and we all got along great without jealousy. We are looking for an older couple to chat with and bond with. Anything more would come later. Marie feels like she should set the rules if we do meet another couple and that's fine with me. If there is another older couple still swinging, we would love to here from you.

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About 2 months when we met swingers on vacation. When we got home I think about it often looking for others anonymously hoping to find others hours away. 

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Posted (edited)

Our first experience was in our 30's. Now 70Plus. We did not discuss this, it simply "happened". My wife joined our neighbour (father of 2) on a saturday afternoon to bring the kids to a sports event in the village. They discussed erotic themes and after returning the kids back-home to me and the other mother, they went out to buy pizzas. This lasted longer than expected, to put it mildly.

Later that night, my wife told me the details in full colour and smell.

I fucked her twice and she felt different inside.

The next day, Sunday-evening, we met the four of us (kids to bed early and the baby-phone alive) and swapped partners in separate rooms.

Amazing!

 

Note: i now realise this was not the first.

Edited by fritsdijk
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Posted (edited)

Before 2010, The idea of swinging has never really crossed our minds at the time. We joked about it here and there but never took it seriously.
I never been that kind of jealous wife. I let my husband go to strip club when he and hockey buddies finished beer league hockey games as long as he tells me where he out at night. We watch porno together time to time on late night on the Movie Network on weekends. One time we saw on the Playboy network about exotic vacation getaway and saw the Hedo and another during a 20/20 or 60 minute episode. Really don’t recall which one, it been too long ago. We joke around while watching it. Again we never took ourselves seriously.

Edited by sweetcadcouple
Sorry for the text size.

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I have been interested in swinging for years but I thought my wife would be dead set against it. Several years ago I was talking with several of my friends. We were talking about who's wife had the best tits. My best friend to my surprise said that my wife had the best tits, they were to die for. I thought that would piss her off so I had never mentioned it until years later, boy was I wrong she wanted to know everything we were talking about. I ask her if she would have liked to had a threesome with him and me and she didn't say no she said that maybe she would have if I had ask her. That was several years ago and that friend lives across the country now. But that started the conversation. We talked about hot wife or swinger life style and I'm not comfortable with being cucked. I would love to watch her being fucked but I love to have fun too. We both agree that when we bring another person of couple into our bedroom we would both have to be comfortable with and like them and trust them to be discrete. I would prefer a married couple someone that would have just as much to loose as my wife and I. We are still looking for the perfect couple. I would love to insert some images but I have never converted a jpeg to url I have no idea. 

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11 minutes ago, Marie&Weldon said:

We talked about hot wife or swinger life style and I'm not comfortable with being cucked.

In our early days in the lifestyle, my wife played and I didn't. We always met the guy who she was going to fuck socially for dinner to make sure everything was understood all around before they started. Not so much that I wasn't a cuck, but that I knew, was fine with it, and her pleasure was the priority. You could call it hotwifing, but it was really just our first step.

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6 hours ago, Numex said:

In our early days in the lifestyle, my wife played and I didn't. We always met the guy who she was going to fuck socially for dinner to make sure everything was understood all around before they started. Not so much that I wasn't a cuck, but that I knew, was fine with it, and her pleasure was the priority. You could call it hotwifing, but it was really just our first step.

From what I have read and understand being a cuck has lots of meanings. I could live with your version, and I agree her pleasure is top priority. For me her pleasure is the turn on. We were in New Mexico last year, Carlsbad Caverns were great, but we didn't see any UFO's in Roswell. I have given Marie the proverbial Hall Pass so far she hasn't used it.

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9 hours ago, Marie&Weldon said:

We talked about hot wife or swinger life style and I'm not comfortable with being cucked. I would love to watch her being fucked but I love to have fun too.

This is a very realistic dynamic, M&W.  My wife and I had a situation where we were swingers/stag & vixen.

 

We quite often met a couple for group fun. But, the supply of willing and attractive couples is limited. Single guys can be found at the drop of a hat. And since I found that I enjoyed watching my wife in the throes and being part of an MFM threesome, we often looked for singe men. 

 

My wife never humiliated me, never thought I was less of a man because I was wiling to share her with others. That, to me, is the definition of 'cuckold' in today's world.

 

And the dynamic we had often led to great evenings. Many times we'd go to our swing club and get together with a couple (or even a small orgy.) When that was over, at my age I was pretty done for the night. But Mary was still in the zone, so she'd sometimes pick up a single guy for more fun. 

 

Through enough experimentation, M&W, you'll find what you both enjoy. And that will lead you to a dynamic where you'll both have a lot of fun and be happy in the LifeStyle.

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29 minutes ago, AdamGunn2 said:

This is a very realistic dynamic, M&W.  My wife and I had a situation where we were swingers/stag & vixen.

 

We quite often met a couple for group fun. But, the supply of willing and attractive couples is limited. Single guys can be found at the drop of a hat. And since I found that I enjoyed watching my wife in the throes and being part of an MFM threesome, we often looked for singe men. 

 

My wife never humiliated me, never thought I was less of a man because I was wiling to share her with others. That, to me, is the definition of 'cuckold' in today's world.

 

And the dynamic we had often led to great evenings. Many times we'd go to our swing club and get together with a couple (or even a small orgy.) When that was over, at my age I was pretty done for the night. But Mary was still in the zone, so she'd sometimes pick up a single guy for more fun. 

 

Through enough experimentation, M&W, you'll find what you both enjoy. And that will lead you to a dynamic where you'll both have a lot of fun and be happy in the LifeStyle.

That's just the response we were looking for thank you. We seem to be on the same page.

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On 5/28/2024 at 4:42 AM, Marie&Weldon said:

I have given Marie the proverbial Hall Pass so far she hasn't used it.

Within our closed group of married couples, we have no rules, so it's like we both have an unlimited hall pass. We discuss everything, not because it's a rule, but because we like talking about the sex we have with others. 

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