Is the Lifestyle even a viable place to seek single females?

[iapr 24]

First off I need to say this is NOT a "how do we get a single bi-fem into our bed?" post. We are experienced traditional full swap swingers who are at the clubs almost weekly and in many ways are a successful and confident couple. In fact my question may apply equally well to single males as single females.

 

We have always preferred couples and will continue to prefer them but we have been talking about getting more involved with singles. My question is, due to the low numbers of single females in the lifestyle (and of the ones there are being so bi) is it even a viable place to look for single fem in the first place or are there other avenues that would be a better place to look?

 

We have had a couple FMFs before but it was with vanillas who had no interest in "swinging" per se, and quite frankly, when they found out we were open to having a threesome with them they jumped at the chance. So I got to thinking that maybe the lifestyle isn't even a viable place to look in the first place.

 

I don't mean to knock the single women that are in the lifestyle but most of the ones we have seen have been borderline attractive at best, have lots of issues, are primarily looking for bi experiences and have fan clubs waiting a mile long to get a crack at them and many are quite the primadonnas because of that demand (please don't get mad or defensive, that has just been our observation and experience. Your mileage may vary). And while sane, sober, attractive, pleasant and available women are a rarity in the lifestyle, there are a lot of them in the vanilla world.

 

Just wondered what some of your thoughts on this are and if you have any insights or advice? I'd be interested to hear any thoughts or experiences you may have had.

[Chicup 41]

Some people are single for a reason.

 

Personally my take on the few single females who are open swingers that we met is that all had pretty big emotional issues.

 

There are a few who I think are 'in transition' to another relationship and would be sane but it is the old needle in the haystack thing.

 

Because of this we removed looking for single females from our ad.

[arvcpl 16]

We do not seek single fems in the lifestyle at all and the FMFs that we have had have all been vanillas. Those times have occurred when the opportunity presented itself, it wasn't something that we sought out. If you were to look through swinger sites you'd come away thinking there were hardly any single gals out there at all when in reality there are lots of them. they just aren't swingers nor do they wish to be swingers. Many probably have the same FMF fantasies that we all do but just don't pursue it. sometimes they just need to be given the opportunity in a safe and discreet and comfortable manner.

[mosmis84 75]

As a single female, I tend to get a little self conscience about the single women questions since we seem to have a reputation as being ugly, psycho or having some other issue that makes it impossible for us to be in a relationship.

 

But, I have too much time on my hands today and decided to chime in.

 

The question of single females and emotional issues intrigues me. Out of all the people I have met at the club, I can't imagine anyone knowing me well enough to be aware of whether I have emotional issues. Maybe it is more of an issue finding people online with the emailing back and forth and such, but in the club, it seems more of a hit and run situation. (Not in a bad way).

 

I have only met one couple online, we emailed a few times, ate dinner and shared a hotel room for a couple of hours. The next week, I couldn't decide whether to email them as a follow up since reading here about all the psycho, needy, drama crap and the single woman. I think reading here about the opinions of single woman makes me question even simple etiquette. (I did email them, all was well, Mrs. Manners doesn't have a chapter on this stuff).

 

I guess the club just works better for me, it seems a very isolated situation that has no carry over into my "normal" life. I get dressed up, go do my thing and then return to my life. I just tend to grin more than others in my social circle.

 

Maybe I am one of those woman in a "transition" period that a previous poster referred to. I imagine I could be in a relationship if I chose, I am just not at a point where that is a priority.

 

I am sane and sober, I don't drink at all which is interesting itself at a swinger club. I figure I have to be OK with what I am doing as I can do it stone cold sober. I am not terribly disfigured and I show up shaved, shampooed and shiny!

 

I wish I had a tad more of that diva attitude everyone speaks of single females having. I tend to be more on the shy side and I never assume I am the answer to someone's prayers. I am just a lady hoping to have some happy naked time after a hard weeks work!

[absingleman 178]

As a single man I've had more FMF threesomes as a single man than I've had swinging experiences, period. I've attended more orgies than I've had swinging experiences. The simple truth is that it is easier for singles to do almost all of the things "swingers" do, with the exception of watching your significant other with someone else (because there is no significant other), so very few single women pursue swinging, even though there are many single women where everything in their attitude and outlook on life and sex says they would fit in like they have always been there.

 

I haven't had any positive responses from single women online who profess to be looking for single men as well as couples and single women, and personally, I don't see where singles, male or female, get ahead on swing sites or in swing clubs, other than to make themselves available to couples who are looking for a faster, maybe safer way to hookup with a single person for a night. We singles truly do have more opportunities for sex when swinging is not involved, and if we are honest with each other, we can do things swinging couples often never dream of doing because we only have to keep in mind not to violate each other's limits.

 

For that reason, while it is LOGICAL that a single man and single woman who swing would have a better chance of finding a compatible mate by looking on a swing site for other singles, the fact is the opportunity for sex gets in the way of the chance to build a relationship. Also, since there are more opportunities for sex for a single person, single people rarely have to swing to have no strings attached sex. Threesomes, orgies, gangbangs are all things we who are interested in the swing lifestyle do without the help or knowledge of couples who swing. The only hard thing for singles is finding those singles willing to openly admit they like to do these things.

 

Thus the reason some of us are still here. Just looking for other not so easily offended single playmates, and the OCCASIONAL couple.

 

wow, I didn't know that about myself until just now. Thx for the post iapr.

[iapr 24]

As a single female, I tend to get a little self conscience about the single women questions since we seem to have a reputation as being ugly, psycho or having some other issue that makes it impossible for us to be in a relationship.

 

But, I have too much time on my hands today and decided to chime in.

 

The question of single females and emotional issues intrigues me. Out of all the people I have met at the club, I can't imagine anyone knowing me well enough to be aware of whether I have emotional issues. Maybe it is more of an issue finding people online with the emailing back and forth and such, but in the club, it seems more of a hit and run situation. (Not in a bad way).

 

I have only met one couple online, we emailed a few times, ate dinner and shared a hotel room for a couple of hours. The next week, I couldn't decide whether to email them as a follow up since reading here about all the psycho, needy, drama crap and the single woman. I think reading here about the opinions of single woman makes me question even simple etiquette. (I did email them, all was well, Mrs. Manners doesn't have a chapter on this stuff).

 

I guess the club just works better for me, it seems a very isolated situation that has no carry over into my "normal" life. I get dressed up, go do my thing and then return to my life. I just tend to grin more than others in my social circle.

 

Maybe I am one of those woman in a "transition" period that a previous poster referred to. I imagine I could be in a relationship if I chose, I am just not at a point where that is a priority.

 

I am sane and sober, I don't drink at all which is interesting itself at a swinger club. I figure I have to be OK with what I am doing as I can do it stone cold sober. I am not terribly disfigured and I show up shaved, shampooed and shiny!

 

I wish I had a tad more of that diva attitude everyone speaks of single females having. I tend to be more on the shy side and I never assume I am the answer to someone's prayers. I am just a lady hoping to have some happy naked time after a hard weeks work!

 

When I made the post I figured I would get flamed by the single women and their supporters but thank you for doing it so tactfully and rationally and making such well thought out argument.

 

I will emphasize again that it has just been OUR EXPERIENCE that the small handful of single gals that we have met personally have not been anyone that we were interested in. I am sure there are many out there that are perfectly fine we just have not encountered them yet. I openly acknowledge that there are perfectly normal, healthy and nice single fems out there, we have just never met them.

 

I am not meaning for this to be single bashing thread. There is no one group of people that is any better or any worse than any other group. But I am trying to find out information in the real world from real swingers based on their real life experiences. In doing that there are times you have to ask tough questions and sometimes the answers are not politically correct or have warm fuzzies attached to them. That is the risk I am willing to take to explore this issue.

 

It is not my intent to offend you or anyone else and I offer my apologies to you and to anyone else in advanced that may be offended by some of the discussions on this thread. I appreciate your tact in responding to this and I will make a sincere attempt to also be tactful and sensitive in my discussions.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Many years ago, Mrs two4you was asked to participate in a FMF by a friend as a birthday present to her man. I know, no one has ever heard of this scenario before, right?

 

She thought it would be a hoot, so she did it, had fun, and filed it away as an experience she could recall. It was 20 years later when she became a Real Swinger™ .

 

What I'm getting at, is there are probably a few ladies out there that have no interest in swinging in general, but would be interested in a one-time FMF or MFM, if for no other reason than to say "they thought it would be a fun adventure and to say they did it", then walk away from it.

 

Now, as for how hard these ladies are to find, I have no idea. It may be worth pursuing at some level though.

[iapr 24]

Ok, this thread is less than 24 hours old and I have already managed to ruffle some feathers and while that was not my intent I realized it was a risk. I will try and refine the question a little bit more and offer a little bit more background info and hope to not be offensive.

 

Since we have been active in the lifestyle we have not actively pursued or made any sincere attempt at any single fems. Given the small number of single women in the lifestyle and given the high demand over the ones that there are I can't see us spending any appreciable amounts of time and energy competing with throngs of desperate bi-fem couples over a tiny number of single gals that we aren't really all that impressed with in the first place.

 

I am questioning whether the lifestyle is even a good place to try to make a connection with single fems or whether there may be more viable environments out there? We do not know any single fems in the lifestyle that we would be interested in and compatible with but the are lots of single women that we would be compatible with in the vanilla world.

 

So I guess my questions are these -

 

- Given a limitation of time and energy is the lifestyle really even a realistic place to look for single fems in the first place?

 

- If not, what are some logical venues to search such as vanilla bars, vanilla dating sites, vanilla hobbies, friends and acquaintances.....heck or even the supermarket for that matter?

 

- what would be some of the risks and benefits of a couple actively seeking a single fem in the vanilla world?

 

- If the vanilla world is the avenue we try what would be a logical approach? Does anyone have any strategies or tactics that have been successful or unsuccessful in the past?

 

Any info would be appreciated and I apologize for any feathers I may have ruffled or may ruffle in the future.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Iapr,

 

Looking at your question for your perspective, I will give answering your questions a shot.

 

Honestly, you can meet single women anywhere. And any of them are potential playmates. And how you meet them is just like anywhere else. Be nice, open, friendly, and take some time to get to know them. Use your “swinger senses” and pay attention to her flirtyness, body language, and what she says. I often use my hot tub to judge the openness of someone we meet in the vanilla world. “We are going to go home in a while and get naked in the hot tub.” Or something like that. You know, the dance.

 

Risks, well, they are the same as they are throughout the vanilla world for swinging. But as with all things, with great risk comes great rewards.

 

The two bi-fems that we have met and played with, both were not through swingers channels. The key to both is paying close attention to the lady, what she says, and what she does and to be patient.

 

Good luck!

[absingleman 178]

It is not hard to meet single women who are open to threesome or group play outside of the usual swinger circles. In fact, it is much easier than you think. Once you get past the "Is he/she/they ax murderers or just freaks like I want to be for tonight?" point in her mind, many of the women you meet are willing to entertain the idea of experimenting sexually. The trick is not to overwhelm them, and not to bore them.

 

As a single man, what I have found to work is to slowly guide the conversation towards sex. Most of the time, especially if there is another woman there (as a couple that is almost always going to be the case) once sex is even hinted, the single woman is going to take the lead in telling about her sexual experiences or asking about yours. From there it is much easier, especially if you've been talking about sex for twenty or thirty minutes after you met, to make suggestions about what you like and would like to try. If she gets that far away look in her eyes at one of your suggestions and smiles, there's a chance she might take you up on an invitation to try what you suggested. If she turns pale, just say "but I/we only think of doing that with a few select friends" and back off and move to safer topics. Usually that comment will stick in her mind and open her up to the idea when she is in a safer place (like at home in bed a couple of nights later) and you might get a call where she says "Remember that thing we talked about a few nights ago? Well, I was just thinking..."

 

tip for single men:

 

Its very important NOT to back a single woman into a corner when approaching No Strings Attached sex of any kind. Many times the environment you are in will make her extremely vulnerable to your sexual advances, but even if she appears to take the lead, later she may feel like she was pressured into accepting your advances if you come on too strong or don't give her time to think. THAT is where most of us fail with women. Being assertive does not mean giving the woman no chance to say NO! I know many popular dating books say "Once she says maybe keep going until she says yes", but that is a lie. In legal terms, that is sexual harassment at best and date rape if you are unlucky. The best way to get a repeat performance is to make sure SHE knows SHE made the decision to sleep with you, not that she felt she had no choice.

 

stay cool.

[sweetsucksex 15]

My problem is (and maybe I should say "our") we don't get to get out and meet any single bi-fems. My husband is an over the road truck driver and I tend to the little ones so it is hard to get out and meet anyone.

 

I was looking for a place online to begin to talk and get familiar with another women but generally you have to pay for this service. If the option is free, generally you are not allow to post what you are looking for.

 

I know the white bi fems are out there but I am limited to options.

 

I must say it is not in my comfort zone to be with a couple or a single man.

 

So, where can one search for the opportunity to get to know a real person looking for what you are?

[VegasLee 1,486]

Our many years of being at the club has shown us the following when it comes to Single women.

 

We have about 15 regular single women each Saturday night. Most of them are bi but most of them are looking for men to play with, not couples or other bi girls. We also normally have four or five that are not regulars on a normal Saturday night. We have found the same thing with them, they don't appear to be there to hook up with couples or other women, they are also chasing the guys.

 

A FEW of them will at times hook up with a couple but not most of the time.

 

There are a couple of them that are drama queens but less then many of the drama queen couples that we meet on a regular basis. Out of the 15 I would say we have two or three of them that we have to "talk to" every couple of months about their mouth or actions but that is no more then couples we have to talk to about the same things.

 

We don't go out looking for single women but if we did after what we have seen over the years I believe we would look outside of the club for them if we wanted them.

 

This is just our experience over the years, your mileage may vary.

[mosmis84 75]

iapr,

 

I just wanted to assure you that my feathers weren't ruffled and I hope I didn't come off sounding like they were.

 

I guess the drama question baffles me because the people I meet and play with at clubs aren't in my life long enough for there to be any drama.

 

Granted, I would like to have a closer social circle in the swinger community, I would love to find a dozen or so people that get together regularly. But, I am a tad shy and pretty new but I hope to keep branching out.

 

As far as finding single females in the vanilla world, it would seem that it would take even more of an investment of time and small talk to find someone that clicks right. It seems like in the swinger world, your odds would be better since everyone is there for the same reason. (But, I have avoided the vanilla single world so I am by no means an expert).

 

Again, no offense taken on my end, I just do a quick personal check to make sure I am not a crazed ogre. I'm OK!

[two42lovers 273]

Sometimes we scratch our heads... are we just lucky? There is a common perception single women are rare in the lifestyle, but we haven't encountered it.

 

We've been playing since Oct 2006, using swinger sites or Craig's List to meet people. (No clubs where we live.) Our main focus is couples, by far, but we do occasionally play with singles. To this point, we've met and played with three single women through AFF, three through SLS, and two others through CL. The two from CL are not "swingers", per se, but are open to FMF.

 

So... in 18 months we've made friends with eight single women (if I can count correctly - still drinking my morning coffee, lol!) All have became on-going play friends, some more often, some less so. There are others we've met, but we didn't play. In the case of CL, we saw their posts and responded, but all the women we've met on the swing sites have contacted us first.

 

We've thought about picking up bisexual women in bars, and we've dabbled at it, but it seems very common for such women to flirt heavily but not really be open to taking things further. Maybe you just have to be very, very patient? (Maybe after multiple meetings?) If you have the time and inclination, it could work, but for us it seems so much easier to find single women online.

[absingleman 178]

Sometimes we scratch our heads... are we just lucky? There is a common perception single women are rare in the lifestyle, but we haven't encountered it.

 

We've been playing since Oct 2006, using swinger sites or Craig's List to meet people. (No clubs where we live.) Our main focus is couples, by far, but we do occasionally play with singles. To this point, we've met and played with three single women through AFF, three through SLS, and two others through CL. The two from CL are not "swingers", per se, but are open to FMF.

 

So... in 18 months we've made friends with eight single women (if I can count correctly - still drinking my morning coffee, lol!) All have became on-going play friends, some more often, some less so. There are others we've met, but we didn't play. In the case of CL, we saw their posts and responded, but all the women we've met on the swing sites have contacted us first.

 

We've thought about picking up bisexual women in bars, and we've dabbled at it, but it seems very common for such women to flirt heavily but not really be open to taking things further. Maybe you just have to be very, very patient? (Maybe after multiple meetings?) If you have the time and inclination, it could work, but for us it seems so much easier to find single women online.

 

You are lucky...and I hate you two for it LOL

[SnowwwWhite 39]

Honestly, I'm leery of swinging in an environment where there are singles. We'll be looking for primarily couples only nights or meeting trusted couples in stable, happy relationships. I just think that singles don't have as much to lose as a couple and couldn't possibly have the same level of respect for our bond.

 

Maybe I'm biased by having had too many female friends who chased after my boyfriends (and also chased after other people's boyfriends and husbands) to trust my man to a single woman. There would always be the suspicion that she is at an event "shopping" in hopes of ultimately finding a great man.

 

Even the "nice" single women who may not consciously think they're looking to find a man..... I just can't imagine a single woman NOT out on the prowl. I've known too many of them to be naive. I wouldn't feel as secure with them in the picture as I would with a couple.

[SexyNSingle 15]

As a woman who has been both a couple and now a single bi swinger, I have been thinking about this quite a bit and wonder where it will put me and in what perception those may think or feel of me now that I am a single woman versus a couple.

 

My thoughts were that I didn't want to instigate or cause any problems with those that are couples, because my perception is that as a single woman (and correct me if I am wrong) I "must be out" for something, and quite honestly I am not out for anything more than to enjoy the company of others in whatever capacity makes us all happy.

 

At the moment I am not looking for a relationship and am confident that when the time is right perhaps I will venture down that road again, but right now, I am happy to play with others who are comfortable with playing with someone who is single, secure, content, and happy with the choices she has made.

[JustMrJ 178]

SexyNSingle,

 

If you were in our area, I'd suggest one of the groups we have joined on SLS as the last house party (our first ever) was geared towards the ladies as there was a ratio of men to women of about 2:1 and most if not all of the single and attached males there were perfect gentlemen.

 

I think that most of the ladies there were part of a couple, although I believe I met one single female there. Some of the ladies there were bi as well.

 

That being said, last night, my wife and I had a 'double-date' with one of the single males from that party and he invited a single bi female to join us. Now, my wife is not bi, but she was willing to play straight and so was the bi female. We both had a nice swap date. Dinner and play was enjoyed by all.

 

According to the single male, this was one of his regular play partners, so they already were kind of like a couple anyway.

 

*HUGS*

[Vjklander 138]

We do not look for couples, single males, singles female, black, white or spotted, etc. We just look for fun friendly folk and let nature take its course from there.

[JustMrJ 178]

Vjklander,

 

In none of my stories do I mention color or race of any of the people... the only reason I mention single, is because the party had both married and single men and I do feel there are a lot of 'good' ones out there. Color and/or Race makes no difference to my wife... or me.

[SnowwwWhite 39]

I definitely respect everyone's points and agree that not every single female out there would interfere with a couple's relationship. But I guess my point is that if an average single female (or male for that matter) met a married or attached swinger at a party and felt "that spark," what would stop them from pursuing it and disregarding the couple's partnership?

 

I'll bet that some singles are honorable and would be respectful of the relationship and gracefully bow out, but how many others would disrespect it and go after what they wanted? Maybe this should be a whole new thread, don't mean to hijack..... but I guess exposing my man to random single women is a concern for me and I'm just playing it out in my mind. I just think other couples have more to lose and my comfort level will be higher playing with them.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

I'll bet that some singles are honorable and would be respectful of the relationship and gracefully bow out, but how many others would disrespect it and go after what they wanted? Maybe this should be a whole new thread, don't mean to hijack..... but I guess exposing my man to random single women is a concern for me and I'm just playing it out in my mind. I just think other couples have more to lose and my comfort level will be higher playing with them.

There may be a greater chance of a single female becoming attached to, enamored with, or falling in love with your husband, but why worry about it? What the single female feels is powerless and a mute point in the scheme of things.

 

The husband is the only person a wife has to concern herself with. If you know your man, you will know if there is any reason to worry about him falling for another woman.

 

No single can take your husband away from you if your husband has no interest in wandering.

 

When a wife knows her man she's got nothing to worry about.

[iapr 24]

This thread has taken a bit of an interesting turn the last couple days. I honestly don't mind the hijack at all as this is an interesting to point to ponder as well and it invariably comes up any time the discussion is singles.

 

At this point I need to add that neither my wife nor I are the least bit worried or concerned about what a lifestyle woman would be "OUT FOR". The stability of our marriage is our business and it doesn't matter if some uber hot single chick is laying naked across our doorstep begging to steal me it ain't gonna happen:lol: Marital harmony is the couple's issue, not the single's.

 

Yes a single would need to be respectful of a couple's marital bond and to treat both parties with dignity and respect, but it is the couple's responsibility to protect that bond and to walk away if things seemed to be getting fishy.

 

From the limited exposure we have had with single fems in the lifestyle I don't think that single fems trying to steal married men is any more of an issue than vanilla single fems or unhappily married women at the office for that matter. In fact most of the single fems I have met in lifestyle venues have had more interest in exploring their bi side than with pursuing any activities with men.

 

A single woman can get cock anywhere. It is that assumption that had me originally wondering if "anywhere" was actually a better place to look.

[The_Ice_Queen 15]

I wanted to say that everyone here is excellent at being polite and considerate when it comes to sensitive topics - it's impressive, because I have been active on forums that did not show such consideration.

 

As for the topic under discussion - I would say, in my moderate experience, that finding bi-fems is probably easier on here because, as another above said, those people are already there for the same thing you are... whereas in the vanilla world, certainty is rarely in the cards. Admittedly though, it seems that bi-fems are not in abundance... But I deeply regret that your experiences with the bi-fems you have come across have been so disagreeable iapr - I promise you that they aren't all like that, we aren't all like that. Maybe for your personal methods and tastes this isn't the best venue for finding what you want in that respect - after reading all the posts in this thread, I think I am starting to believe that maybe it is simply on an individual basis what hunting method works for you best, and where you go for prey.

 

I am a single bi-fem, but I am not truly single. I am in a very loving, very good and strong long-term relationship in fact, a very healthy relationship. The reason I play in swinger circles is because I was doing it before I met this man I am currently involved with, he knew from the outset that I did it, and it turned him on tremendously for me to tell him of my exploits. He himself has never been interested in joining me (though I think in time he may come around), but has never tried to stop me or held me back from it in any way. On the contrary, he encourages it, because when I come home to him and tell him all about it (he is always very eager for the details), our sex life is roaring good. So I don't really fit into the stereotype of single bi-fem, but then I never agreed that stereotypes were a good way to evaluate anything - there is no "norm" and there is no standard, because everyone has a reason for being the way they are. I have always enjoyed playing with couples, and am strictly reserved for couples and married females who are curious because of my current attachment - I sometimes pursue them, sometimes they pursue me, I never felt it was more one way or the other, it just varies depending on the couple I'm dealing with.

 

And in the end, I think how you find what you are looking for ultimately depends on who you are and how you want to do things.

[absingleman 178]

And in the end, I think how you find what you are looking for ultimately depends on who you are and how you want to do things.

 

I'm stealing this quote from you.

[The_Ice_Queen 15]

I'm stealing this quote from you.

Feel free my friend ^_^ I would be honored that you think enough of it to do so!

[iapr 24]

 

As for the topic under discussion - I would say, in my moderate experience, that finding bi-fems is probably easier on here because, as another above said, those people are already there for the same thing you are... whereas in the vanilla world, certainty is rarely in the cards. Admittedly though, it seems that bi-fems are not in abundance... But I deeply regret that your experiences with the bi-fems you have come across have been so disagreeable iapr -

 

Again, I am not meaning this to be a bash against anyone. No one has done anything wrong and the few single fems that we have met in person have been fine upstanding citizens and nice people, just not who we are interested in. Yes the individuals I was referring to are not for me for a variety of reasons but they are good people and I realize that there are lots of great folks out there.

 

On another note, this really didn't dawn on me until reading your post and in looking back through my previous posts I didn't make this clear and it is pertinent. We're not necessarily looking for "BI" fems. Straight gals would be fine and in many ways even preferable. Obviously it would be for a close intimate experience so there would at least need to be some comfort in being in close physical proximity to another naked woman but my wife is not overtly bisexual and has no interest in any serious fem-fem play and I must be a freak among men in the lifestyle but I really couldn't' care less about women playing one way or another. It doesn't bother me but it doesn't do anything for me either.

 

Since so many of the single gals that we have encountered have been so focused on the bi aspect, they have no interest in us nor we in them. I should have pointed that out earlier. So if that makes a difference I'll kind of rephrase the conditions of the question and say that the target audience is is single straight to single bi-comfy women.

[des1re06 200]

Is the lifestyle even a viable place to seek single fems?

 

Yes

 

I can't tell you why, be we've had the more luck meeting single females than couples. The majority are into the bi play, in our experience. Maybe it's because I'm openly bi to those women I'm attracted to.

 

Good luck and have fun!

[Nickii_Lee 15]

mosmis84 - great post! I'm a single, sane female. I had a threesome with friends who have since moved away. Totally VANILLA at the time. It was a great experience. My friend and his long-time gf swing, and told me to try it since I missed that kind of sexual encounter in my life. It's actually pretty hard as a single female. I actually get hit on by couples more in a "vanilla" night club than responses to my ad on a site. I've yet to try a swinger club. That might be better, just have not tried it yet. Guess my advice to couples would be to try the "vanilla" girl. Many of us are experimental , and, I actually thought swinging was just for couples.

[twohots4u2 188]

We have been surprised that we have not met any single female via SLS, etc. We get hit on all the time by lots of single guys and a number of couples, but no single gals. And, most of the single gals we approach have not even had the courtesy to reply and say no, even though our messages are always respectful, address their interests, include photos, etc. In the clubs Ms. twohots4u2 is always very popular with bi-women. Interesting phenomena.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

We have been surprised that we have not met any single female via SLS,

 

Don't take it personally. Single swinging females are very very rare in the lifestyle, and is very high demand. They probably get bombarded with e-mails.

 

Also, I've noticed that most of the single females I've seen on SLS tend to have free profiles, which means they can only reply a limited amount of times per day (I think it's five times...)

[arvcpl 16]

We have been surprised that we have not met any single female via SLS, etc. We get hit on all the time by lots of single guys and a number of couples, but no single gals. And, most of the single gals we approach have not even had the courtesy to reply and say no, even though our messages are always respectful, address their interests, include photos, etc. In the clubs Ms. twohots4u2 is always very popular with bi-women. Interesting phenomena.

 

Single gals generally don't "hit on" couples because they don't have to, couples come to them. On the bigger sites like SLS, single fems may get many dozens to even hundreds of emails a day from single guys and couples and they only respond to the ones they feel the most interested and compatible. Also, I noticed that your profile mentions quite a few bi-male fantasies and that may not really be a selling point to a lot of single fems.

 

The fact that you are popular at the clubs speaks volumes for you however as that is real life and is worth far more that cyber-chat. If you are doing well at the clubs work with that.

[CallMeLoki 32]

Great thread! My wife and I talking about opening up our marriage with a couple of activities, one of them being a FMF experience for me and a one-on-one experience for her. I keep seeing how it's nearly impossible to find a willing female within the swinger community, so this thread speaks to the practicality outside the swinger community.

 

One very good point: there are few single females in the swinger ranks because they don't need to be. Single women can find unattached sex anywhere...they don't need to be swingers for that goal.

 

I don't know from experience, but I think a few posts touched on a good point: I would tend to think there's likely at least a few "vanilla" women who wouldn't mind having an FMF experience as a one-time thing.

 

Case in point: A couple who is an acquaintance of ours...we saw the wife going into a martini bar one night when my wife and I were leaving. We spoke and flirted for a bit. We then saw her at a friend's party a couple week's later...she asked "Why were you guys in such a hurry to leave?" I told her "We were going parkin'...we started to ask you if you wanted to join us" (intended as just a flirtatious joke). She said "I would have. We had a limo with lots of room." Dayum... I got a little story later from her hubby about her picking up girls in bars and bringing them home to entertain her and her hubby...in fact, he said it was starting to get out of hand and he had to ask her to stop! (As a side note, he was in quite an ill mood that night...I overhead his wife telling him later "I'm sorry you're grumpy baby...how about if I take you upstairs and fuck the shit out of you...would that make you feel better?" )

 

I know that I've been offered one affair from a married woman not too long ago...who knows, if I had said "Actually, my wife might like you too" she might have jumped on the chance. Some things *almost* went too far with a stripper not too long ago while I was on a business trip. I'm an attractive man (I don't think of myself as "gorgeous", although I have been called that ) man, but I don't seem to have any great difficulty getting unsolicited offers for sex (and neither does my lovely wife!).

 

Anyway, you folks have given me (actually, us) some good food for thought!