Swinger Lifestyle myths and misconceptions, what have you discovered?

[iapr 24]

We recently recognized our first anniversary in the lifestyle and were reflecting back on the last year and began to discuss what crazy ideas we had when we first began to think about getting into swinging. The more I got to thinking the more I realized that most of the ideas and conceptions we had of swinging were from what we saw in porn movies and what we had heard from vanillas around the watercooler. In retrospect I can't think of two worse sources of information than that.

 

So I will pose the question to all of you, what swinging myths had you bought into before you discovered how it "really is"and what were some misconceptions that you heard before you became active lifestyle?

[flkeyscouple 21]

I had the idea that a swing club was nothing but an orgy - naked bodies everywhere, tangled with whomever and everyone. Not sure WHERE I got the idea - maybe porn movies?

 

Sarah

[rpu3 630]

I never thought it would be so much work to find compatible people. I just figured it would be pretty easy to find people to hook up with. It probably is, if you aren't "picky" (for lack of a better word).

[iapr 24]

I'll start out with one of ours to get the ball rolling. One of our big misconceptions in the beginning was we were sure all swingers surely had to be beautiful hardbodies. My fear was that when I would walk into the room the room would go silent except for the whispers of, "what is he thinking?"

 

Mrs iapr (who is a beautiful hardbody) had a whole laundry list of rules on how we could not meet with anyone that was younger, prettier, firmer, less stretch marks, bigger boobs, smaller butt, leaner legs etc etc etc etc than her. In fact most of her rules and conditions were not about how to deal with preferences and chemistry and issues like that but how she was going to deal with all the Jenna Jamison look-a-like porn starlet clones that we would be encountering.

 

Well needless to say, once we showed up at our first club party we were fairly taken off guard and all the time and energy that we put in to how to deal with all the 25 year old beautiful hardbodies was pretty null and void.

 

We learned very quickly that swingers are just a cross section of society as a whole and yes there are some beautiful hardbodies out there just as there are .....well, not so beautiful and not so hard hardbodied folks. Swingers look like just every day folks that you would encounter throughout the day at work or at the grocery store and everywhere else. They are just dressed a lot sexier.

 

Ok that was one of our first misconceptions to fall by the wayside, what are some of yours?

[iapr 24]

Here is another one. The first couple parties we went to we were afraid we would be fresh meat for the veteran swingers. We were sure they would swoop down on us like great birds of prey and hustle us nieve virgins.

 

What we actually found was the exact opposite. It is more often the case that seasoned swingers tend to leave newbies completely alone unless the newbs approach them first. Noone wants to scare or freak out a newb and often times newbies can be indecisive and unsure of what they want and noone knows how they will react to things and veterans often don't need the drama.

 

Again a lot of energy went into an unfounded worry.

[good times 991]

I think our biggest one was that we thought it would be a lot harder to meet people willing to have sex with us than it really is.

 

The second one was that, although we have had some great experiences, in a lot of cases the fantasy of swinging was better than the reality. What keeps us going is that once in a while we have an experience with a couple that is even better than our fantasies, just wish it happened more often.

[bear_and_babe 68]

When I first learned about the lifestyle, from good friends of ours, my first reaction was that they were going to ruin their marriage. So for me my biggest misconception was that the lifestyle was only for people who were looking for something that was missing in their marriage or that their marriage was not going so well. But most of the couples I have met in the lifestyle have very strong marriages.

[SCcpl40 74]

Our biggest misconception was that we had to be preverted to want to swap partners and enjoy each other having sex with someone else. We're your basic bif/str8m full swap couple, and from what we've run across since being in the lifestyle we're normal with a slight edge towards having a lot of fun.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

I thought men would be the "drivers" in the lifestyle and that most of the time, it would be the men that would be predatory and hands-y. Boy, was I wrong about that! In our experience, it's usually the men who are more conservative and hesitant and the women who are more assertive and are more able to let loose. And, unfortunately, more hands-y as well.

 

Also, living in the south, I thought there wouldn't be many swingers in our area, as we're pretty much in the Bible-belt. Hah! We've actually had better luck here than some of our northern friends with meeting compatible couples.

 

Pepper

[Dooode 18]

"Swingers are open-minded."

 

Boy, did I get a rude awakening!!

[BorisNatasha 63]

Dooode said:

"Swingers are open-minded."

 

Boy, did I get a rude awakening!!

 

Yeah I can second that one. lol

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Our misconception was that we thought we could take people for their word; what they said is what they meant.

 

Not so.

 

We've learned to read between the lines. It's a whole 'nother language.

[Tia Vampire 167]

I thought that swingers were mostly made up of prostitutes and druggies. like everyone else, I must have gotten the idea from the porn.

[ohhandahh 17]

I thought it was more about just raw sex, that if you looked alright to each other and there was nothing about them that was a turn-off, it was an opportunity to get some. Like a gang bang kind of sex where it is more about fucking than who is doing it to you. But it is about selecting someone you feel attracted to and having a more intimate sex, really getting into your playmate with total passion. It is a lot more than getting a nice dick and good pussy.

 

I thought that a wife's ultimate sexual thrill would be to do it with a total stranger. Another thread says as I did above, women want to know a little about a guy first and choose yes or no based on her attraction to him. Although others said it was a fantasy to do some guy they had never met, a total stranger, even to be blindfolded and not even know who is doing her.

 

I thought experienced swingers would like to take virgin newbees under their wing, lead them thru their first full swap, introduce them to friends. We went to a swingers campout weekend and expected that to happen. We expected to be introduced to other couples by our host. Instead we found we couldn't even make eye contact with anyone. All seemed to be groups of friends who didn't want to meet anyone else. We left the first night.

 

I thought swingers were open minded also and uninhibited. Thought all would be naked and doing it on picnic tables, in the grass, beside the lake, but not one female was naked below the waist. Two guys were totally nude. Went to the party room during the evening party. Only two couples were doing it and a dozen rooms remained empty late into the night. I thought there would be a lot going on. Instead a rock band way to loud, and groups of people all drinking. No sex. No full nudity.

 

We have had our first full swap since then and hope to find friends on our own or be introduced into a group of friends and actively join in the fun of the lifestyle with them.

[iapr 24]

Another misperception of ours was that if we stepped into a swinging event that there would be an expectation from everyone that we had better put out or else. We were sure that we would be pressured and that if we didn't screw everyone that people would be pissed off and kick us out.

 

What we found as newbies was in fact the opposite, not only were we not pressured but we found that we would have to take an active role in meeting people and that we would have to show an interest in them first. Otherwise we would be completely left alone.

 

Kind of along with that we figured swinging parties were all about just sex. While it is obvious there is a strong erotic element to the activities there is also a very strong social element that does not revolve around sex that we were not expecting.

[intuition897 2,179]

Where to start? It's probably fair enough to say that if you take about 90% of everything I've ever heard about swinging from non-swingers (AKA vanillas), and turn it around 180 degrees, you find the truth.

[sweet_tna 680]

Swingers are indiscriminate about their partners.

 

I never subscribed to this theory myself, but have heard comments to that effect.

 

=)

[Chris&Amelia 253]

Swingers are sex monsters. We have wild swinger sex all the time. At the house, in the car, in our office...

[sweet_tna 680]

Swingers are sex monsters. We have wild swinger sex all the time. At the house, in the car, in our office...

 

Who says that's a MYTH?!?!

 

=)

[Chris&Amelia 253]

All swingers have fashion-model good looks.

[VegasLee 1,486]

That swinging is just for couples.

 

That the women will do anybody.

 

That only Ken and Barbie type people are swingers

 

All men Swingers have BIG

[bicuriocpl 90]

Only women who aren't getting enough from their husbands want to swing.

[Pensacolapair 394]

"Swinging came about as a result of the 'free-love' 60s"

 

"You are not a 'real' swinger unless you (insert just about any preference, method, or style here)"

 

"If they meet you, they want to fuck you"

 

"Most women who swing are bisexual"

 

"Swinging can help a weak relationship"

 

"Swingers are open-minded"

[Chris&Amelia 253]

Swingers are constantly on the prowl looking for unsuspecting couples to recruit and/or corrupt.

 

You can tell a swinger couple by the way they dress in public and/or certain secret signs (the "painted white rocks in their front yard" is my personal favorite)

 

Swingers are morally bad people who don't care about anybody else but their own self-gratification.

[JustMrJ 178]

Swingers never use condoms.

 

Swingers are not 'good' or 'responsible' people.

 

Swingers don't love their spouses.

 

Swingers only want to have sex with you... not be your friend.

 

Swingers are cheating on their spouse (even if they both know).

 

Swingers children will be sex maniacs before they hit 18.

 

Go figure...

[Tia Vampire 167]

older people should not swing

 

swinging is only meant for sexy people

 

all women that swing are bi

 

there is always drama with newbies

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Swingers are going to Hell, and their children will go with them!

 

 

Won't somebody please..... THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

[Chris&Amelia 253]

swinging is only ment for sexy people

 

But swingers are, by definition, sexy people.

[funcpl4life 51]

Swingers can't/won't care for their children.

 

Various "key party" myths akin to "will screw anyone".

 

Swingers were all abused as children.

[Texasfuncouple 69]

It is funny this topic is coming up, as we have a post scheduled to run on our blog tomorrow entitled...

 

"The Orgy Myth - This Ain't Your Daddy's Lifestyle"

 

It discusses the misconception many people have that swingers have absolute disregard for who they let have sex with them...

[Hot Raleigh Cpl 164]

Swinging activity must be banned from all neighborhoods, because it corrupts children and crime skyrockets. A sudden surge in rapes, murders, drug abuse, loud music, car thefts. Church attendance plummets. Next thing you know, these perverts will drag the neighbors into the pits of smoking, cussing, and dancing. No one will be safe any longer.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Hot Raleigh Cpl said:

Swinging activity must be banned from all neighborhoods, because it corrupts children and crime skyrockets. A sudden surge in rapes, murders, drug abuse, loud music, car thefts. Church attendance plummets. Next thing you know, these perverts will drag the neighbors into the pits of smoking, cussing, and dancing. No one will be safe any longer.

 

"OH We've got TROUBLE... with a capitol T, that rhymes with P... that stands for Pool...... gotta keep the young ones moral after school"

[MIbbwcpl 67]

Swingers are sex monsters. We have wild swinger sex all the time. At the house, in the car, in our office...

 

For that reason alone I prefer the term open relationship over swingers.

[MIbbwcpl 67]

A friend ran across something that stated that almost all swingers keep their genitalia shaved.

[here2play 15]

Very interesting! I have heard several of these. Even now when we talk to friends who are into trying a threesome, I always here "but I don't want to get into that swinger stuff". Uh, hello smart one, that's what you want to dabble in!!!

 

Swingers is all about everyone fucking everyone, that's what we hear most.

[notaswingeryet 21]

I'm still trying to get over the whole "harry palms if you masturbate too much" myth.

 

I'm pretty sure that any, how do you spot a swinger myth has been debunked by this group or any other swingers I've met so far. So I'm sure that the sex craved, inbred, trailer park degenerate myth is as far off as the hairy chest, shirt open to the navel, lecherous, gold chain wearing lothario myth.

[Vjklander 138]

For that reason alone I prefer the term open relationship over swingers.

 

We use 'sharing pleasures'.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

We use 'sharing pleasures'.

 

If we're with others in the lifestyle, we just use "swingers".

 

If we're with vanillas who we haven't chosen to share with, we use "mind your own business, please."

[MIbbwcpl 67]

If we're with others in the lifestyle, we just use "swingers".

 

If we're with vanillas who we haven't chosen to share with, we use "mind your own business, please."

 

Love it!

[Tia Vampire 167]

Chris&Amelia, I think that swingers are the sexiest people on earth. We now that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, but according to the media and magazines, we are not all and sorry to use this cleche, but we are not all HWP or Ken and Barbie.

[LFM2 1,482]

When I was ranting on another thread of what I thought people were screaming about on an associated forum, I think vanilla people think we have wild sex all the time with anyone. In fact, we're so busy screwing everyone, we don't have jobs. I think they believe that we let our children run wild and that we're the worst parents in the world and that we put our kids second, and that we're "riddled with STDs" (Quote from JustAskJulie on that thread). We also don't have any morals or values whatsoever.

[LFM2 1,482]

OH yeah, I forgot to add that I've read that swingers started the HIV-AIDS epidemic