Common Newbie Swinger Mistakes
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By Interestme82
Hi out there. I’m married and in an evolving relationship. Last year I did a burlesque photo shoot for him as a gift. He loved the way it turned out but asked if I’d be willing to do something more risqué in the future. I got a reference from the original photographer (female) and told my husband the new photographer would be a male. Being the protective husband he is we both requested a meeting over a cup of coffee. We met which was great and made things all the more comfortable. I loved what I saw from his book and my husband did as well.
We had the shoot and the pictures came out great. He got really turned on by knowing another guy was doing the pictures. I was shocked. I asked him if he’d consider doing a couples shoot with me and he said he’d try but was reluctant. Pretty soon after he agreed and we were off again.
Prior to the shoot my husband and the photographer talked about his career. My husband, who’s faithful, shocked me a bit with his envy and open talk about what the photographer experienced. I’m extremely open and joined in the conversation. Both of us felt like we were conversing with someone we really liked and knew a lot longer than we actually did. Unfortunately my husband had difficulties getting hard which is completely out of the ordinary. The photographer said it happened a lot and just to relax.
Surprisingly at my husband's request he asked for me to do a POV shoot the photographer showed us in his book. Basically it’s the photographer including himself in various ways while taking the pictures. As we started taking the pictures I liked being touched by the photographer even though it wasn’t active foreplay or sex. It really was strictly for the pictures themselves. During the pictures my husband quickly got hard and watched. Eventually the photographer asked him if he was going to get involved. The rest of the shoot went as we planned. Afterwards we all sat around and talked and went through the pictures.
Some time passed again and we talked a lot about the fun we had with it. My husband admitted he liked watching the photographer touch me and if not for that he may have been to nervous to get hard.
I really want this to develop further but I’m apprehensive because it’s a major change in life obviously. I’m also not sure about how I feel about seeing him with someone else. When I say I’m not sure I mean most likely not. I don’t even really think he wants to. I almost feel like if I bring that up it will be too much too fast. Multiple times when having sex we’ve dirty talked about me doing another shoot and giving myself up. I’d feel more comfortable to actually do it than talk about it.
I feel like my husband has opened a door that I want to walk into. Am I reading it wrong? Is it best for me to just set something else up and let it work itself the way it will? Based on our interactions I have no doubt the photographer would be into it also. Would I be going to far given our relationship if I reached out to the him and told him how I feel, how my husband feels, and confirm he’d say yes?
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By JustAskJulie
Do you already have experience with swinging? Or is this a new idea for you? If you are experienced share your experience. If you aren't tell us what experiences you'd like to have.
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By Santokos
First of all I would like to apologise for my English , as it’s not my first language. I’m a married guy and I just told my wife that my fantasy is to have sex with her and to be watched. So my question is what is better as a first timer , to go with my wife to a swingers club or to just meet another couple and have same room sex. What do you guys suggest? I’m not into wife swap. I just love to be watched
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By intuition897
Mods, if you can find a better forum for this thread, please do move it. I'm not sure where it fits.
I had a brain wave. I've been reading posts by newcomers to the lifestyle and I remember us being there ourselves. It's overwhelming, scary and you feel like a fish out of water. You don't know what's appropriate, what's not, and you have no idea what you should expect. There's such a huge learning curve, and I know it's kind of part of the experience, but still... I have to wonder how many of those monster mistakes could be avoided if couples had some guidance. Do we really need to make the painful mistakes to learn? Or could we still learn without the damage?
Why is there not something like a newbie boot camp? A one-week resort take-over dedicated to getting newbies started out right in the lifestyle? Workshops on such things as club or house party etiquette, how to host a house party, STD protection, "speed dating" for swingers (learning to communicate with your partner), how to read and write a great profile, communication workshops, getting-over-jealousy exercises, body image discussion groups, and maybe a discussion group where sensitive questions can be addressed anonymously (such as about penis size, having a medical condition, or a physical disability). And of course, lots of opportunity to socialize with other newbs and veterans alike.
We learned a lot from a more experienced couple, but we actually had our first full-swap experience with another "virgin" couple like ourselves. And it worked out great! Looking back, though, it's easy to see how many ways it could've gone wrong. Now that we consider ourselves more along the "veteran" end of the spectrum, we know it's important to "give back", and not avoid new couples. We've all been there, and we sure appreciated the guidance.
So what does everyone think? Does that sound like it would be a good idea, or would it be too intimidating?
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