Should we or Shouldn't we...Swing?

[3sumff 31]

My gf and I have been swingers on and off for about five years now. We enjoy the thought of swinging! However, when we do the actual deed...swapping of course. We feel a little unfulfilled. We are not saying anything bad about the couples we have played with. They were very nice people! And we don't feel bad or anything about what we did. We just don't have fond memories of the experiences. Actually, there have been some good times!

We have gone from "one nighters" to trying out the friendship thing and nothing seems to work. Like I said, we enjoy the thought of swinging.

Maybe swinging isn't for us anymore?? What do you think we should do? Any advice would be helpful.

[LFM2 1,482]

Wow, what a hard situation. Are you fulfilled in your sexual relationship in your marriage?

Can you compare and contrast what's different with your swing partners? Can you explain a little more of what your goal is when you swap?

[VegasLee 1,486]

Pretty simple really.

 

If you are not getting anything out of it that peaks your interest or really excites you then why do it?

 

There are many things in this world to make a persons life exciting and interesting. Swinging works for some, not for many.

 

Go on and take the time that is not working for you in swinging and find something that really gets you excited about life.

 

Good Luck to you!

[LFM2 1,482]

Lee, you're so smart!!

[partyof2ormore 62]

I agree. Take a break at the very least. Commit to 3 months, 6 months, whatever and see how things are going when you get to the end of the break.

 

You can make your decision at that point about how to proceed.

 

J (& L)

[tscpl 93]

Maybe you both need to communicate more about your wishes and goals in swinging just as you presumably did at the beginning.But if you are not getting enjoyment from it perhaps you both need to take a break.

[Ed & Bunny 160]

We are the same in that we enjoy the thought of swinging and talking about it durring sex can be quite hot. This is even after having a very rocky start with our limited swinging experience. I guess I must wonder if you have your expectations too high. Just from what we have done, I doubt any woman will be able to please me as well as Bunny does unless we swing together for a long time. Bunny and I fit so well and really know how to push each others buttons. So we dont go looking for super big fireworks with swinging. For us we want it to be fun and enjoy the differences. Being able to take an outside view of our partner being pleased and pleasing someone else is a turnon for us also. But we always want the fireworks for us alone and swinging gives us an avenue to improve on that and appreciate the other partner more.

 

So maybe you two do need to take a break and reopen your communication to see what you really need.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

I see from your sls profile you are on a break already. Ya know there is nothing wrong with that. Even if you chose to stop swinging everyone in the lifestyle would understand.

 

Are you catching flack about what is going on ?

 

I know we have taken more than one break. Funny thing though, when we put that in our profile. We got more than a few mails asking what happened..... Once it was medical, another time we just wanted to back up and think about things. Then we just went invisible rather than post we were on a break. The mail kind of got redundant.

[3sumff 31]

I just wanted to thank the people who responded to our post. Thanks for some good advice! We talked about the situation last night and discovered some things that we enjoy about the lifestyle and what we don't enjoy.

For one we enjoy the thought of the lifestyle, especially, when we incorporate it with our sexual sessions. We love flirting with other couples. Whether it turns sexual or not! Once again, we have had some good times with some of our experiences.

Now, what we don't like...We really don't care to go to the parties or the meet and greets. We feel that that the situation is just to set-up! I know this sounds weird, but we would like a more natural way of swinging.

For example, we meet a couple and there is "NO" talk of swinging. Actually, swinging isn't even the reason why we are friends. As time goes on, we become really good friends. Then for whatever reason, the couple becomes interested in "swinging." Fine, sounds great and sounds a little more natural. They know us, they have become in tuned to us. This situation sounds better!

To answer some of you who responded. We have great communication between us. Nothing has ever been hidden or a mystery. We have taken several breaks from the lifestyle, and "NO" there has never been anyone who emailed us about why we are taking a break. I believe the days of going through endless profiles to find that couple is over, and we are done with the parties too!

P.S. We are not done with swinging! We love it and we will always keep that option open. However, there are certain aspects of swinging we don't care for, and I believe we are done with those situations. Thanks everyone for your advice!

[ViSexual 1,008]

It sounds like you were making it work before.

 

Just agree that the option is open when the perfect opportunity presents itself and continue to enjoy talking about it together.

 

I agree, just knowing it's available is the real turn-on!

[interested-05 135]

if I were to guess, based simply on your statements in this thread, you are looking to be a ble to have some genuine friends with the occasional benefits, therefore it is more natural. Some would say you are interested in a polyamorous relationship, with a couple you share a lot more in common with than just sex.

Just my 2 cents

[3sumff 31]

The thought of polyamory wasn't even considered, but I see what you are saying. Not sure about that though. Friends with benefits sound good. However, being in the lifestyle and trying to have friends was not easy. It seemed as if the couple we played with "friends with benefit." All they wanted to do was get together to have sex. Not to complain or anything, but we aren't the hardcore swingers who want to swap every time we get together. Just hang out and laughs, friendship and a comfort of playing together when the mood struck.

[lexdoc1 15]

maybe you r holding back. when my wife and i first started she held back at first until i told her i wanted her to turn loose and do everything she had ever desired to do with no holds barred. often couples hold back afraid they will hurt their partners feelings if they have too much fun.

[sweet_tna 680]

The thought of polyamory wasn't even considered, but I see what you are saying. Not sure about that though. Friends with benefits sound good. However, being in the lifestyle and trying to have friends was not easy. It seemed as if the couple we played with "friends with benefit." All they wanted to do was get together to have sex. Not to complain or anything, but we aren't the hardcore swingers who want to swap every time we get together. Just hang out and laughs, friendship and a comfort of playing together when the mood struck.

 

Aha, now I see what you're getting at . . . I've been following this thread, and my initial response would have been much the same as Lee's (If you don't enjoy it, take a break/do something else).

 

Now, I'd say I can understand where you're coming from. Mr. Sweet and I have been blessed to find a group of friends like this. For this reason, we really enjoy going to our local meet & greets. Some nights, it's just enjoying some drinks, laughs, and dancing. Others, we might end up at an after-party orgy. It's all up to us.

 

Hopefully, you'll find that balance too. In the meantime, enjoy each other and keep your options open.

 

=)

[tittietwister 126]

Friends with benefits sound good. However, being in the lifestyle and trying to have friends was not easy. It seemed as if the couple we played with "friends with benefit." All they wanted to do was get together to have sex. .

 

The phrase "friends with benefits" is so overused by people who don't know the difference between friends and acquaintances that it has become completely worthless as a descriptor in my opinion.

[3sumff 31]

The phrase "friends with benefits" is so overused by people who don't know the difference between friends and acquaintances that it has become completely worthless as a descriptor in my opinion.

 

I will agree with you a little tittietwister, nice name by the way, "friends with benefits" is overused. But I believe in the sexual realm friends/acquaintances are the same. Why? These are people you obviously share your sexual desire with. The time that was taken to get to know what each other like and don't like is considered a friendship/acquaintance. Right or wrong?

We have tried both, and we haven't been able to have find that one where we just click on all levels. Oddly enough, and I am sure I will get some shit from this, we both want a level of almost liking the other sexual partner. A comfort in which is similar to what we have, but not all the way. We are very much in Love...people! Its just having sexual excitement. Sorry if this response is all over the place.

We just want to have a comfortable and exciting time! I think that is why we are done with the profiles and parties of any kind. Perhaps one day, we will find our friends or acquaintances.

Just a little response to SweetTnA...after hour orgy party. We are very envious of you two...you lucky suckers. Would love to be a part of that! Thanks everyone!

[fun4Ds 1,098]

We really think you are doing the thing that works for you. That is the best way.

 

Let us know how that works, your not alone by any means. I cant say you deserve any shit for how ya feel. That is just the compatibility you are looking for. Who could dissagree with that

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

For one we enjoy the thought of the lifestyle, especially, when we incorporate it with our sexual sessions. We love flirting with other couples. Whether it turns sexual or not! Once again, we have had some good times with some of our experiences.

Now, what we don't like...We really don't care to go to the parties or the meet and greets. We feel that that the situation is just to set-up! I know this sounds weird, but we would like a more natural way of swinging.

For example, we meet a couple and there is "NO" talk of swinging. Actually, swinging isn't even the reason why we are friends. As time goes on, we become really good friends. Then for whatever reason, the couple becomes interested in "swinging." Fine, sounds great and sounds a little more natural. They know us, they have become in tuned to us. This situation sounds better!

 

Unfortunately, what you are looking for is very rare and while it does happen it happens just as you described it... when you aren't looking. It's just one of those things that you will probably end up keeping in the back of your head and pulling out as a fantasy then maybe someday at some point you'll meet a couple that you become friends with and things just happen to turn out perfectly.

 

From the sounds of it, you not only want to find this perfect couple but you want THEM to be the one to initiate things with you or you just want things to spontaniously happen where it appears that no one initiated anything, which makes the likelihood of this fantasy becoming reality a lot less likely.

[3sumff 31]

Maybe you are right J.A.J, and you know what that is fine with us. Like I said, we are done with the profiles and parties. Looking for that more natural hook up situation. At this point, we are really aren't worried about it. Our mind will always open to any situation that strikes our fancy.

[des1re06 200]

I can relate to what you're feeling.

 

We always wanted to find a couple (or several) that we could get together with on a regular basis and travel with as well. We've found a few couples like this who are very close friends and sometimes we don't even have sex. It's a nice plus if it does happen, but sometimes we just want to hang out.

 

I can tell you that the closeness between us and those couples we share this relationship with makes for much more satisfying sex than the one-nighters. Even though they are fun too.

 

We're not considered poly because we aren't exclusive, but are very close friends and care for each other.

 

Good luck in your search!

 

Mrs. D