Are some "swingers" just married cheaters?

[newlythree 34]

I have a question. The question is are there people on the SLS that are married and are just cheating on their spouse? I had a guy today trying to talk dirty to me but his profile said he was a couple. So I asked if it was a couple or single? He responded single, so I questioned his profile. The answer was he wasn't supposed to rub it in his wife's face he does this.

 

I felt like an intruder to a typical marriage, so I stopped talking to him. I explained I would rather speak to a single or an open couple.

 

Have others ran into this? I must be a little naive but I figured "cheating" people wouldn't be here.

[VegasLee 1,486]

You are going to find 1000's of cheaters, both male and female on the Internet.

 

Many that are single will list their self as couple because many people block singles and they always think they are the one to change a couples mind.

 

You will find many guys that are married, listed as a couple or single but are married guys cheating, you will find some women that do the same thing.

 

Cheating is not swinging and way to many people don't seem to understand that. A cheater is NOT a swinger no matter how they try to explain it away.

 

If someone has their self listed as a couple but is really single, they are a lier and no use dealing with them either. Too many real, great people in this lifestyle to deal with the Trolls of life.

[iapr 24]

I would venture a guess that the vast majority of all singles (yes women as well as men) fall into one of these catagories.

 

- active cheaters (either married or otherwise in a steady relationship) actively seeking other people to fuck outside their primary relationship without their partners knowledge or approval.

 

- quasi-cheaters, which are those that have some form of tacit approval from their partners because their partners are sick of them and would rather they get it somewhere else than bug them for it.

 

- dreamers, wannabees, looky-loos, picture traders and a countless variety of others who lurk about the webites seeking some form of stimulation either with or without their partners approval but they have no intent of actually meeting anyone or having any form of physical contact with anyone.

 

Now before you get all riled up and accuse me of single bashing probably a majority of couples profiles also fall into one of these catagories as well.

 

I guess I don't have a problem with cheaters using the internet to find fellow cheaters to cheat with but I wish they would stick to actual cheater sites or AFF rather than trolling around legitimate swinger sites. The thing that pisses me off is that they must assume that since someone is a swinger that must mean that we fuck anything that moves and that we have no moral standards or any scruples. I find it offensive when we get hit on by a cheater because that means that not only are they a pig rolling around in slop but they must be assuming that we are also pigs that would consent to rolling around in their slop with them.

 

As far as I am concerned the only bandwidth and keystrokes that a cheater on a swinger site deserves is whatever it takes to delete and block.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Cheaters gravitate to swingers ad sites! Think about it, what a great place to look for people looking for sex.

 

Problem is these cheaters don't know what swinging really is and they don't care. They also know there will always be other cheaters like themselves looking for the same outlet. Add to that, some swingers will overlook the fact that they are cheating and will play with them anyway. All of these facts make the situation for those of us swingers who want nothing to do with cheaters all the more challenging because we've always got to be on the lookout for any signs that a profile we may view is a cheater's profile.

 

I've got tons of profiles that I've made a note: SUSPECTED CHEATER

 

LM

[two42lovers 273]

As far as most of the profiles on swinger sites being cheaters or posers, maybe not, maybe so, BUT if you only consider well written profiles with convincing pics and glowing certifications (from convincing profiles with their own glowing certs) the ratio is very much better.

 

If they say "I'm married but my spouse doesn't play" it's easy enough to confirm, if you are so inclined. If it is a "married, but not to each other" couple, it's easier for them to decieve you. Usually they won't pretend to be married (harder to create the lie) so if you only play with couples who live together, you are likely to avoid the cheaters.

[ownerspet 506]

I have seen many profiles of couples that made me question, the validity of whether they or he or she are a couple. I have actually seen some marked as a couple in the stats, and then in the body of the profile, they actually say "I am a single male or female."

 

My opinion is that there are probably many singles or possibly married cheaters that mark themselves as a couple in order to show up in more searches of couples looking for couples. So he may have been a cheating spouse, or his wife may have known he was engaging in swinging. Either way, married or not, if he isn't swinging with his wife/spouse/significant other, you should consider reporting him as his profile on sls is misleading.

 

Because when people see someone listed as a couple, they expect a swinging couple. Therefore for swinging purposes he isn't a couple in my opinion.

[tribbles 490]

I've even found couples who are not married to each other but they are married, yes both of them, to someone else. And in the course of their affair found swinging. So they act like a couple, even feel kinda like a couple but they are both cheaters!

 

Cheaters are everywhere and it's a tad depressing at times. Before swinging, we really didn't think people were cheating as much as they are.

[NakedInSeattle 159]

Short answer - yes.

[JustMrJ 178]

Yep, we have noticed this too... our first 'meet and greet' with a 'couple' turned out to be single male posing as a couple and his 'play partner' conveniently didn't show.

 

Valuable lesson learned. We know better now.

[VegasLee 1,486]

After some thought I believe the correct title for this thread should be:

 

"Do some cheaters think they are swingers"

[red96 17]

We run into it on AFF all the time, not so much on SLS so far though. We had a guy that kept sending messages recently and we replied to them showing a little interest. As time went on he sent one that said his wife was to be out of town for 2 weeks and wanted to meet and play during that time. That was pretty much a good sign that he was cheating on her, we told him we were no longer interested in further contact with him. I explained that we were not interested in playing with anyone that would cheat on their spouse. He replied thanking us for our honesty and hasn't contacted us since. There have been others over the past few months and it seems they are usually pretty easy to figure out. We like to chat with potential partners and when they are vague about their home life that is usually a good sign as well and we pass on them.

[tittietwister 126]

We are too frequently approached by cheating males advertising themselves as couples on SLS, AFF (which we quit), and altplayground. I'm sure we invite it by stating that we can/do play alone (only with the consent of all) but there ARE social sites for people seeking "affairs" - Ashley-Madison being a very popular one.

[twohots4u2 188]

Basically, it bothers us too. We get many "couples" who are visiting our area and want to meet us. Then, when the meeting gets close, we find out on the phone that the female "could not make the trip but the guy still wanted to get together." We just need to keep our BS detector turned on high.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

I'm just a little surprised that cheaters really think the "oh my wife couldn't make it/was ill but let's play anyway" scam is going to fool anybody.

[newlythree 34]

Well, thanks y'all. There has been a good response to this thread. In the recent weeks since posting this thread we have had to weed out several cheaters. Well, maybe not several, but quite a few. It has gotten easier as it goes. We have gotten to where we flat out ask them in first intial conversation whether that is by phone or chat. If we dont like the answer we tell them thanks for your time and interest but we will have to pass. Most have apprciated our honesty with them.

[sweet_tna 680]

Well, thanks y'all. There has been a good response to this thread. In the recent weeks since posting this thread we have had to weed out several cheaters. Well, maybe not several, but quite a few. It has gotten easier as it goes. We have gotten to where we flat out ask them in first intial conversation whether that is by phone or chat. If we dont like the answer we tell them thanks for your time and interest but we will have to pass. Most have apprciated our honesty with them.

 

Glad ya'll are finding it easier to spot the fakes/cheaters and have found a way to deal with them. As with anything, a few bad apples can spoil the bunch. Hopefully, you'll find some genuine folks out there, too.

 

=)

[Thrax 384]

I've even found couples who are not married to each other but they are married, yes both of them, to someone else. And in the course of their affair found swinging. So they act like a couple, even feel kinda like a couple but they are both cheaters!

And cheating couples don't just contact couples. I've been contacted by cheating couples and I'm sure many other single males and also single females have been contacted by them, too.

 

In my case, I was contacted by a couple in which he was divorced, but she was still married to someone else. Before I knew this, I was interested in meeting for an MFM. I had met them at two previous house parties, but we hadn't played. Luckily for me, when we were having exploratory talks he asked if I was okay with the fact that she was married to someone else. I appreciated his candor, but I was a little disturbed at my naivete. I should have asked about their marital status, tactfully, of course.

 

I turned them down. He accepted my decision without rancor, which I also appreciated.

 

At least they were polite cheaters.

 

Thrax

[Opportunists 17]

for us: if the guy has no profile pic or just wants to meet during the day, he is looking to cheat and we're not interested.

 

while we have a rule that we absolutely don't play with cheating spouses, it surprises me that it doesn't seem to bother a whole lot of women.

 

there is a guy on SLS in our area that sports a HUGE cock... he has over 20 certifications dripping with lust of satisfied wives.

 

eventually, he emailed us and, after a few IM conversations, offered to come to our town and rent a hotel room for some fun.

 

however, in talking to him, we discovered that he was married and cheating. while we told him that we don't play with married men when their wives aren't aware, obviously the 20+ others that have certified him didn't mind.

[WeUse 120]

. . . I must be a little nieve but I figured "cheating" people wouldn't be here.

 

Unfortunately, there are those people who lack the integrity to reveal who they really are. I too, would run the other way. Life is too short to contend with flaks, fakes and frauds.

[newlythree 34]

Life is too short to contend with flaks, fakes and frauds.

 

 

That right there is signature worthy!!!!!

[BIKER1964 15]

I also have a question. Not sure if this is the right area to post, but hopefully someone will direct me if it isn't. The question is are there people on the SLS area that are married and are just cheating on there spouse. I had a guy today trying to talk dirty to me but his profile said he was a couple. So I asked if was a couple or single. He responded single, so I questioned his profile. The answer was he wasn't supposed to rub it in his wife's face he does this. Then I felt like an intruder to a typical marraige, so I stoped talking to him. I explained I would rather speak to a single or an open couple. Have others ran into this? I must be a little nieve but I figured "cheating" people wouldn't be here.

Yes there are males and females that are cheating on their spouses. But, their are a lot of open couples out there that are seeking singles. We are very selective on single males, we enjoy couples mostly. If they are a couple then you should meet as a couple.

[pingaloca 15]

Ok, so after lurking on here for quite some time, I feel like I have a little to contribute that may not have already been said.

 

My wife ® and I agreed some time ago to some fashion of an open marriage, once we had figured out that neither of us was excited about exclusivity. Now, give us whatever label you want, but we see each other as partners, albeit different than typical or "vanilla" folks.

 

One of the aspects driving this is that we are frequently apart for extended periods because of having to travel for work on various contracts that extend into several months. Given that I truly want my lady to be happy in every way imaginable, I encourage her to "get some" when she wants to, and she does. I have to say that I am very turned on by the stories she shares with me. We frequently share fantasies about playing together with other couples and in group scenes, but she is still reluctant to make that step. We are planning to do that, but it will come in time. So I can sympathize with the posts about being a married, but lone male, because while I am also encouraged by her to find some play friends, I am also generally regarded as a cheater or liar.

 

In essence I'm d@mned if I do, and d@mned if I don't let on that I'm married. But I am truthful, and accept that if I'm rejected that it's simply a fact of life and like finding any worthwhile person to spend time with, finding the right kind of play friends requires a lot of patience and diligence. Luckily, I have an adventurous wife that is great fun to be around, in bed, or any other place.

 

I

[SexyRedmondCpl 128]

In essence I'm d@mned if I do, and d@mned if I don't let on that I'm married.

 

I have to disagree. That's why a lot of couples will ask to speak with your wife to verify... or at least we would. cheaters usually end the conversation right then and there. those who are honestly in open relationships whould have no problem convincing their S.O. to vouch for their status. Couples worth being with will do their due dilligence.

[pingaloca 15]

SexyRedmondCpl,

 

Thanks for your post. I believe I understand what you're saying and agree with you in a fashion. What may be a better way of what I was trying to say is that many times in life, you don't get any further with people because they close themselves off at their first perception. That's fine. We're not interested in closed minded people, who many contributors to this board also choose to avoid. But patience is the virtue of my situation in particular, as no matter what, it's not going to be easy to even get to first base, because of those perceptions - even in open minded people. It's not altogether different than vanilla folks that figure swingers have no morals and jump on anything with a pulse, and shun them as a result of their mistaken impressions. So I may resemble a cheater, regardless of my candor, and thus become the stereotype, rightly or (in this case) not, because a great many people won't look any deeper and decide that I must be. Like it or not, most decisions are made on appearances and despite its unfairness, it's part of life.

 

It's great that you take the time to ask for some kind of confirmation from the partner, but my sense is that this is more effort than most are willing to make and they will move on without hesitation. It is in this way that I feel that no matter whether I was truthful or not, it still going to be a challenge to connect with people. That said, for my own peace (and my partner's) being truthful is the only way to go about it. I'm in this to share a good time, and if it isn't going to be authentic, why would I bother? For the record, my lady is very happy to vouch for me, as I would for her, since we like to share our adventures, vanilla or otherwise. She would want to know. We are partners after all!

 

I hope that I didn't imply that deceit is acceptable. It's not. Cheating is manipulative, as is lying, and they both make me uncomfortable, at a minimum. If you've ever read the Kite Runner, you'll understand what I mean when I say that I view these things as a kind of theft.

[jdavisauto 73]

You are going to find 1000's of cheaters, both male and female on the Internet.

 

Many that are single will list their self as couple because many people block singles and they always think they are the one to change a couples mind.

 

You will find many guys that are married, listed as a couple or single but are married guys cheating, you will find some women that do the same thing.

 

Cheating is not swinging and way to many people don't seem to understand that. A cheater is NOT a swinger no matter how they try to explain it away.

 

If someone has their self listed as a couple but is really single, they are a lier and no use dealing with them either. Too many real, great people in this lifestyle to deal with the Trolls of life.

 

 

I agree with Lee on this one. I am the male half of a couple. Most of the time I am on the forums without my lady. Once in a while she will get on. We NEVER play on line (Cyber Sex) and I always get her ok before anything is set up. I will evern tell you I have to check with my wife. If anyone wants to meet US, you have to meet US as a couple at the swingers club we go to and then we will see what happens.

[des1re06 200]

"Do some cheaters think they are swingers"

 

Sadly, many don't understand the difference, and there is a big difference.

[mwsw4 16]

We have came across guys doing this as well. The delete button works wonders for that. I am married, me and my wife are active swingers and we have an open relationship. I use our profile to contact couples in search of single males or for females. I do tell them there is no probem contacting the Mrs. or meeting her to verify i am not a cheater. I still do not get any responses. Most likely thanks to guys like the one you mentioned that ruin it for others.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

We have came across guys doing this as well. The delete button works wonders for that. I am married, me and my wife are active swingers and we have an open relationship. I use our profile to contact couples in search of single males or for females. I do tell them there is no probem contacting the Mrs. or meeting her to verify i am not a cheater. I still do not get any responses. Most likely thanks to guys like the one you mentioned that ruin it for others.

 

One of many reasons.

[AprilMike 16]

See, we actually fall into a funny catagory. We were swingers, but she had mild jealousy issues and honestly I am more attracted to her having sex with others then me having sex with others. So, we decided, what WORKS FOR US is,,,,, she can date, but she tells me everything, and if any pics are taken I see them. She is OFTEN accussed of being in that catagory of cheating but denying it. I "prefer" not to meet the guy/couple, because for me it is hotter that way (fantasy is always better then real life). I suposse if they really pushed the issue, I might meet them, but still. Of course often they will hear me talking if shes on the phone.

 

Anyway,,,,, most are going to be cheating,,,,,,,, but definately not ALL.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

There certainly are cheaters in the lifestyle. My wife and I won't play with them if we are aware they are cheating. We will consider playing with a single who we can confirm has permission. We honor and respect people's marriages, and expect the same treatment from others. We do not play solo, but if we did I'd have no problems with a single male or couple talking to me to confirm it was ok for my wife to play solo.

 

We used to swing just with couples. This was in large part because we didn't want to mess up people's marriages, and were concerned we'd have no way of knowing if a single male was telling the truth or not. We do play with singles now, but we watch very closely for red flags.

 

We've run into three profiles that were of interest to this subject. Two of the profiles were from the same couple; one was for the couple as swingers, with pictures of both of them and some of him and some of her. The other was for the male playing solo, with some of the same pictures of him from the couple profile. To me that would be fine; it's reasonable evidence that he has permission to play solo, though we'd confirm with her first. The other profile was for a truly single male, who said that if you needed a couple he had a couple of different women whom he could bring along.

[LOL_OMG 130]

Personally I believe Adult Friend Finder is to blame for a lot of the misconceptions about the lifestyle. They have been around since at least the mid-90's and from what I recall it was just a place to meet people for sex, married or not. If I'm wrong about that please correct me, but that is my recollection.

 

Mr. Omg

[AprilMike 16]

Personally I believe Adult Friend Finder is to blame for a lot of the misconceptions about the lifestyle. They have been around since at least the mid-90's and from what I recall it was just a place to meet people for sex, married or not. If I'm wrong about that please correct me, but that is my recollection.

 

Mr. Omg

I don't know if they are to blame,,,, but yea, I agree, a LOT of cheaters hid there.

[MrkLin 393]

Cheaters - Oh boy. We've been contacted by our share, and yes we've heard the lines. It amazes me how many women out there have some health problem that won't allow them to have sex with their husbands - haven't these women heard of doctors? Come on guys - be original, will you? That's one of the oldest lines in the world, and it didn't work then either!

 

We put a little line in our profile that has helped a lot. "Married men just out looking for a little on the side need not bother - we don't need the hassle and neither do you." It's funny, but just that simple line in its own paragraph toward the top has dramatically cut down on the number of cheaters who have contacted us. We still get one or two, but nothing like before.

 

Understand that I'm not making excuses for anyone here, but something else can come into play - at least temporarily. We knew a couple a few of years back who had some trouble with their relationship (not lifestyle related.) They dropped out of the lifestyle to try to salvage their relationship, and failed - they wound up splitting up. About a year later, the guy wanted to get back into the lifestyle as a single. They had registered as lifetime members on SLS as a couple, and it took over a month for SLS to change his profile over from a couple's profile to a single's profile. During that time, everyone he contacted had a problem with the fact that he was a single with a couple's profile. He was very open about it, and in fact put a paragraph in his profile that he was a single, and was waiting on SLS to change his profile. Some couples accepted that, and others didn't.

 

As I said, I'm not making excuses for anyone here, but there are sometimes extenuating circumstances. I know it's too much to ask for everyone to be open and honest (that would make this whole thread moot, wouldn't it?) but I think the ones who do go out of their way to try to let us know that they're genuine do deserve at least that respect.