Swinging single males get left out

[lord 15]

Hi

 

I am a single male, just got into the swinging scene. It is hard being a single male. It seems so distressing to see that all single females want to swing with couples or other females. And all couples want to swing with other females! So, the single males are left out of everything... it is hard.

 

Why should it be so??!!

[ciscosv 26]

There are tons of factors why single males are not heavily sought after. Supply and Demand my friend. The biggest is a couple has a male involved with the relationship. Men typically are not down with hairy butts and sucking a schlong. There are just too many positives for swinging couples to gravitate towards couples.

 

Hang in there. You may find something

 

BTW: It can be tough for couples to find compatible couples to play with.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

I went from a 10 year swinging relationship to single in the loss of one heartbeat. I swung single for a few years and did OK. The thing was that I was a familiar person at my club. I was familiar there with my deceased wife but after she passed then I was just another single guy.

 

So, I started being the bartender. This gave me the opportunity to be familiar. I knew the owners of course, and helped run the joint. A few times I did manage to have short term relationships with single gals that would accompany me. As strictly a single male though, I found that familiarity breeds comfort. People liked me cuz I was never the guy that lurked around the sex rooms. I sometimes just spent the night in the hot tub introducing myself to all the people that "came" and went...lol.

 

After a while I was a part of the club. When someone needed or wanted a third, I was chosen just because I was trusted.

 

This is a hell of a price to pay if you are single. I was widowed and had absolutely no interest in a long term relationship so I felt that I was satisfying a part of my life that had been taken away.

 

The reason I say this is because the average single guy would be better off just doing the dating routine and finding a suitable mate to swing with rather than wasting his life going to swing clubs and never really gaining anything.

 

But the single guy that really is into swinging, can be successful if he keeps going to the same club and lets people know him. Assuming he isn't some kind of asshole of course.

 

I had many occasions when I actually had sex with people without ever knowing there names or exchanging any talk.

 

When you are trusted and the action gets going and you are there you just don't know what will happen.

 

Now, I'm kinda on the fence. I have been considering going to a club but just don't want to go through the effort of getting established because it is so time consuming and I am in a different state now so I don't know anyone.

 

And I'm older too. Not old, but older. I know sitting on this computer typing all night is stupid but its free and this is kinda like my social club, maybe a surrogate social club until I can get off my lard ass and get out into the jungle again.

 

But back to the point. If you are a single male and want to swing you just gotta dedicate yourself to the proposition. It doesn't matter how good looking you are, or how much money you have, or how big your tongue is, it matters how you handle yourself and that you are trusted.

 

I have seen many super studs go to swinging clubs and fall flat on there face. These guys would do great in a night club, which I can't navigate but they can't figure out why they can't get laid in a swingers club. It is because swingers are not looking for lifetime partners, or just getting fucked. They want a male that has the capacity to create an atmosphere that is conductive to both partners and non-threatening.

[FlyBiNiter 16]

Quote

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN

When you are trusted and the action gets going and you are there you just don't know what will happen.

 

It doesn't matter how good looking you are, or how much money you have, or how big your tongue is, it matters how you handle yourself and that you are trusted.

 

I have seen many super studs go to swinging clubs and fall flat on there face.

 

They want a male that has the capacity to create an atmosphere that is conductive to both partners and non-threatening.

 

The portions of John's post are so dead on. The one time that we had a "soft" experience with a single male, he just happened to be observing us in action (we leave the door open often in a private room... we like to watch and be watched.. lol)

 

He politely offered himself, and was allowed to fondle and caress me while my man and I continued what we were doing. He wasn't a "stud" but he was respectful, and not at all demanding. He didn't expect anything more than what he got... a free feel and a close up view of the show. If we had the chance, we'd gladly invite him to join us for an all out session, simply because he had the perfect attitude. He was in the right place, at the right time, and he was totally non-intrusive. If all single males approached swinging that way, I think more couples would be open to them.

[Roxysbayou 20]

I agree, trust is the biggest thing. I trust swinging with a couple before a single guy because I feel that if he was okay for his mate then he is okay for me. I am sure that I am wrong, but for my own security I just feel that a married man is less likely to be running around picking up just anybody. I just feel that they are less likely to have a contagious disease, and I have found that in my enounters with single men, they are always trying to lure me away from my hubby to play alone. I just don't do that.

 

On the bright side, I do know of several men in this lifestyle that do quite well. They have had numerous encounters and are still happily swiniging today. There are plenty of couples out there who are just looking for single men for various levels of play. Just be patient.

 

If I do talk to a single guy I take a lot more time in getting to know him, than I would a couple. That's just me. And I tend to get turned off easily by over aggressiveness and a constant demand for me to send a bunch of pictures.

 

This is just my opinion and how we do things in our experience in the lifestyle. So I hope that it helps to clarify some things for you.

[ready2pla 17]

I think you have to hang in there as the male part of the swinging couple we have had some wild times with a single male in our sex lives. We met a couple that were single swingers that both played seperate at times. As sometimes happens we did not hit it off with the female, nothing against her just happens in this lifstyle. We have had some wild times with the single male my wife enjoys the company of two men in a bed to the extream she gets one right after the other and most times two at once she is one happy lady. Neather male is Bi we just have a great time keeping happy.

[Vjklander 138]

I think a single guy and a single girl hooking up is called dating.

 

Beyond that, I agree with ready2pla. We have played with single men and single women and couples. All have been fun experiences. The messages we tend to respond to say "Hi I'm ... would like to meet and maybe play if we get along". The ones that say "Hi I'm hung like John Holmes and I wanna fuck the shit out of your wife" turn us off big time. But 2 or more guys really turns my hunny on. For her birthday a couple years ago I arranged 6 guys for her.

[ready2pla 17]

Yes I agree with Vjklander if a male came off with that attitude he would not make it past the gate keeper which is my position.

 

The single male we play with should be a poster child for all single male swingers. He always calls to see if we had a good time. He sends e-mails with plenty of compliments to a sexy lady which happens to be my wife. He ask her what she would like and tries to please her to the fullest. But he gets his reward because she shows us both a fantastic time. He won't come or leave with out shaking my hand all the time thanking me for the great time we just had. We are always looking forward to the next meeting.

[TomF_22033 17]

Vjklander,

 

6 guys! WOW, sounds like you gave her a birthday to remember!

 

One thing I can't understand is why do guys send crude come-ons like that? Do they really think that they're impressing you? Or are the just immature idiots?

[Vjklander 138]

Quote

Originally posted by TomF_22033

One thing I can't understand is why do guys send crude come-ons like that? Do they really think that they're impressing you? Or are the just immature idiots?

 

That's a darn good question, but maybe that is more of an 'and' than an 'or'.

 

Yes, she does remember it well. hehe. She particularly enjoyed the birthday spankings she received. The gentleman who hosted the party is a very nice single guy who has the pleasure of entertaining my girl for the day about once a month. He lives about 5 miles from where I work, which is 65 miles from where we live, so if we have plans in DC or MD, she gets to stay with him for the day.

[Nymph an' Satyr 22]

Quote

Originally posted by TomF_22033

One thing I can't understand is why do guys send crude come-on's like that? Do they really think that they're impressing you? Or are the just immature idiots?

 

That's a good question- why do they say things like that? Me and my wife have no problem with mfm- in fact we like it. But we would never advertise that on our web profile.

 

The reason we wouldn't advertise for a single male?- well as things stand now, with a "no single males" statement on our web profile we get at least one single male every week or two. They invariably have the "John Holmes" attitude. Well as somebody else said- "I'm the gatekeeper"- and they ain't getting past me.

 

I think Flori_DAMAN is right- the single male needs "the capacity to create an atmosphere that is conductive to both partners and non-threatening." Cuz if he can't get past me- he ain't getting to my wife.

 

BTW Vjklander- 6 guys- Good one

[Ashley 22]

Quote

The reason I say this is because the average single guy would be better off just doing the dating routine and finding a suitable mate to swing with rather than wasting his life going to swing clubs and never really gaining anything.

 

This is an intriguing comment. I'm wondering just how easy it is for the average single guy to find a suitable mate to swing with. Granted my boyfriend found me, but he introduced me to the lifestyle and he's been in it a while. I know we've had some ups and downs revolving around my ambivalence and I think I'm pretty sexually open compared to most women I know. It would be fun to poll single women and ask how many would be willing to swing with their boyfriends. I'm thinking a guy could date a lot of girls before he finds one that's interested. He might be better off hanging out at the swing clubs after all.

[EternallySingle 32]

I have asked out nearly 200 women (of course, 190 of them said 'get lost, you gay freak') in the four years since my last girlfriend/swing partner left to pursue a new career and not a one has held my attention long enough for me to bring up what are sexual fantasies are, let alone tell them about my interests in swinging. The one that I had been with more than six months literally ran and told everyone she knew that my ex-girlfriend and I used to have sex with other people. Coming from a small community (50K people in the five surrounding communities) that has made getting a date locally an impossibility because now, everyone either thinks that I swing "both ways" or they don't want their reputation ruined by being seen with me in public. I believe that, more than being a prude or finding the lifestyle unappealing is a bigger factor for the scarcity of single women AND why the single men have such a hard time meeting the ones who are interested.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Quote

Originally posted by EternallySingle

I have asked out nearly 200 women (of course, 190 of them said 'get lost, you gay freak') in the four years since my last girlfriend/swing partner left to pursue a new career and not a one has held my attention long enough for me to bring up what are sexual fantasies are, let alone tell them about my interests in swinging. The one that I had been with more than six months literally ran and told everyone she knew that my ex-girlfriend and I used to have sex with other people. Coming from a small community (50K people in the five surrounding communities) that has made getting a date locally an impossibility because now, everyone either thinks that I swing "both ways" or they don't want their reputation ruined by being seen with me in public. I believe that, more than being a prude or finding the lifestyle unappealing is a bigger factor for the scarcity of single women AND why the single men have such a hard time meeting the ones who are interested.

 

I have noticed that when girls lose a swinging partner they usually give up swinging.

 

Guys think they can repeat the whole thing, and it is possible, but they may trip over great relationships trying to do it. For what that is worth.

[EternallySingle 32]

I agree about the missing out on possible (maybe great) relationships trying to get back into swinging by bringing it up too soon, or at all. If I join a website to place an ad, I say go for broke and look for another swinger as well as someone you click with. never brought up swinging because, to me, it is just another activity. But, because circumstances (a friend of hers found an old profile in a swinger's magazine with my picture and my then girlfriend's picture) and showed it to her. He had been after her for a while and tried several tactics to break us up. Just another reason why discretion and the safety of a large metropolitan area are important.

 

Or at least three well trained ex-commandos who can "clean up" a situation before it gets out of hand. LOL

[Ashley 22]

That is a good discussion point, when do you "bring it up"? And how? Any war stories?

 

I feel that my boyfriend was kind of devious about it as he did not exactly tell me where we going(to a club).....I asked him afterwards how he knew I wouldn't freak out and he just kinda shrugged. Maybe because he knew I was pretty sexually open and poly to start with.

[ready2pla 17]

My wife and I would like to say we are glad to see that there are a few single males that play for the enjoyment of all. We had a wild time this afternoon with a mfm threesome. My wife enjoys being the center of attention with two guys and I love watching her scream with pleasure.

[TomF_22033 17]

Nymph an' Satyr,

 

I agree with everything you said. But it still doesn't compute to me that these guys don't get the fact that there are so many single guys out there that they're "nothing special". Maybe I'm missing something, but if I'm not mistaken, nice, polite, not pushy, and some sense of brains and respect will win out over a big dick any day. Also from the women that I've been involved with, most of them have stated that guys with large members usually think that they are great just because they're big. So maybe it's a physical/mental thing?

[TomF_22033 17]

Vjklander,

 

Sounds like you have a great setup. And sounds like your friend is pretty lucky also.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Quote

Originally posted by TomF_22033

Nymph an' Satyr,

 

I agree with everything you said. But it still doesn't compute to me that these guys don't get the fact that there are so many single guys out there that they're "nothing special". Maybe I'm missing something, but if I'm not mistaken, nice, polite, not pushy, and some sense of brains and respect will win out over a big dick any day. Also from the women that I've been involved with, most of them have stated that guys with large members usually think that they are great just because they're big. So maybe it's a physical/mental thing?

 

I don't believe anyone has the market on, nice, polite, not pushy, brainy, and respect, regardless of dick size.

 

Many guys seem to feel inferior with their penis size (needlessly), so it is the good wife that consoles him with by stating that big dick guys are usually egotistical. I have had sex with countless females due to a large dick. I have been outright told that if it weren't for that they wouldn't have given me the time of the day, often encouraged by there own husbands. Hell, in the swinging lifestyle variety is the spice of life.

 

IT isn't unlike telling your wife that may have a little extra padding here or there that it really isn't important, as it shouldn't be. But to lump guys that have big dicks into any category is rather narrow minded imho. Large penises are not correlated with poor lovemaking techniques, pushiness, or any other unattractive quality.

 

The expression "it not the size, it's how you use it" works both ways

[Ashley 22]

Ah but large size can be clearly associated with one thing, at least for smaller women, and that's pain. A large penis is a disadvantage when it comes to anal sex as that orifice is normally a bit tight as it is.

[Nymph an' Satyr 22]

It's not the size per se, but it's the attititude that SOMETIMES come with it. "I'm uncut 8+, rock hard, can go ALL night, and I will Rock your world"

 

We get this line, or something like it, from single guys on our web profile. Though we have specifically stated that we aren't interested in single men.

 

This guy ain't getting through the gate. Doesn't have anything to do with his penis size- it has everything to do with his attitude. Also with his inability to read.

 

And yes, as a very modest 5", I love watching my wife choke down something bigger

[TomF_22033 17]

John,

 

I didn't mean to imply that everyone who was large was not very good, pushy etc. What I was trying to say was about those guys who wrote the come on replys like that. That THEY were insecure.

 

Yes, I agree, that there are all kinds. Afterall, not all small guys are good. Not all fat... not all thing.. etc