First time experience was a bad one. - Newbies preyed on at club

[magiriano 84]

Anyway, we've been lurking and posting here for awhile now but now we're in a spot where we could use some advice.

 

Been an active member on a few boards to know that by the end of this discussion there will have been too much advice to follow. But maybe we don't need advice but just to vent?

Anyway, we've been flirting with the idea of swinging for years, and a couple of months ago we made the first step: we went to a swinger's club.

 

My wife seemed a bit skeptical about the whole thing, but once in she seemed to like the atmosphere, the eroticism and the omnipresent sexuality and lack of inhibitions. We ended up having great sex with each other in the playroom and had a couple of weeks of awesome sex after.

 

As we were walking out the club she mentioned that she still doesn't know why would people have sex with others. I had to be a smart ass and tell her that they probably started out just like us.

 

Anyway, we went to the club a couple more times and just watched others while being watched playing with each other. Then one night at the club, our table became somehow popular, we had a great time, met some new people, tried to make a new couple comfortable by telling them about our first time there and how nobody talked to us.

 

Anyway, we went to the playroom, decided to play with each other as usual, but since the swing was taken(we wanted to try that) we ended up in the big pool table size bed. Shortly after some other couples came and before we knew it the whole room was now an orgy.

 

While I was having sex with my wife, I felt that she was very turned on, so I motioned to a guy that was available that it was ok to have oral with her. She went for it and that was so arousing that shortly after I felt the need to see her having sex with another man, so I went and got a handful of condoms, placed them on the bed next to the guy and told him to use one and have sex with my wife. I watched as he put on the condom and entered her, then I noticed a lady next to us and she said it's ok for us to play. At one point however, I tried to kiss her but she wouldn't so that turned me off and decided to go back to watching my wife with another man.

 

Then I realized he wasn't wearing a condom, I asked him why isn't he wearing one and told him he needs to stop. I didn't wanna make a scene since it was our first time with other people and I was afraid my wife will freak out thinking I had a jealousy fit. I know I have a bad temper and didn't wanna scare her. So we just left the club.

 

Soon after, we found out that the couple we slept with are known as predators, that they don't play nice and are banned from any other club in town. All our online friends wished they were there to warn us. My wife is still breastfeeding and wasn't on any birth control then. We don't believe in abortion and the two of us have unprotected sex with each other all the time. We do have young children and wanna be able to raise them and we need our health for that.

 

We decided to keep playing and we went to a new club that's a bit more selective of it's members. We don't wanna ever go back to the first club.

 

While it's too late to undo what's done, confronting the guy over the bareback issue doesn't make sense to me. It's my word against his, he'll simply deny it. Some friends told us that the owners of the club wanna talk to us about this issue.

 

Anybody and their dog knows that these two are bad news, and that they prey on newbies, since the experienced won't have anything to do with them. They are banned from all other clubs yet the owners of this club didn't banned them and didn't care to warn us about it. Other members didn't warn us about them either.

 

We've been thru hell the past 3 weeks waiting for a negative pregnancy test, and it is negative. But we have cold sweats with any itch that got or not to do with the crotch area.

 

It sucks tho, it was our first experience and totally not what we were looking for.

 

We changed clubs and our friends are asking us to go back to the first one but we just don't want to. We think it was the owner's duty to keep us safe and they didn't do that when they allowed people with a bad rep, that were banned from other clubs to be members and didn't at least warn us.

 

We feel they sold us out for an entrance fee.

[ncmd_couple 597]

If the owners of the club want to talk to you, it is most likely because they want the story straight from you. What they will do after that will tell you a lot. I'm sorry that you had a bad first experience.

[SnowwwWhite 39]

I just hope that you both will get full STD tests and confirm you're clean before playing again. That's only fair to the people you now come into contact with. Especially if you advertise yourselves as disease-free or give people the impression you only play with condoms.

 

If I was about to play with someone who said they only play with condoms it would be extremely disturbing to think they had recently been compromised and hadn't been tested to clear things up... and were continuing to play and put themselves out as a clean, condom couple. At this point, they wouldn't know for sure they were clean and could be exposing other couples who are also trying to play it safe.

 

So sorry to hear about that bad first experience for you guys. But thanks for sharing. I'm sure your experience will help other people be more aware of what's going on, especially when playing with people they don't know. You sound responsible and conscientious and it shouldn't have happened. Hope you didn't get exposed to anything. Did your wife have any idea how he managed to take the condom off while you weren't looking?

 

Definitely talk to the club owners. It could save other newbies from the same experience you had. You expected others to be looking out for you, now it's your turn to look out for other potential victims and help put an end to these predators.

[VegasLee 1,486]

First, talk to the club owners, they sound like the responsible ones here, they are wanting to know the FACTS from the people involved rather then going on hearsay from others.

 

Sometimes people will say all kinds of things about other people to newbies, like someone is a predator or they have been banned from all other clubs. It may or may not be true. Also, club owners don't normally warn everyone at the door about others. They are dealing with adults, not school kids and should not have to be baby sitting anyone.

 

Since you invited others to start playing with your wife I would think you should have been there watching over her and being with her. Your new but you are also going to have to take some of the blame for what took place. It was your responsibility to keep things under control and the way you wanted them for you and your wife. If I ever let things in a group room get out of control with my wife she would kick my ass and that would be the end of the play. Everyone has to take responsibility for their actions when playing in the adult world.

 

I will agree that others had a hand in this but so did you and a big part of it was the way you handled the whole thing.

 

If you want the owners of the club to have the facts, talk to them. If not, go to other clubs and forget this ever happened and watch yourself next time.

[magiriano 84]

SnowwwWhite said:

I just hope that you both will get full STD tests and confirm you're clean before playing again. That's only fair to the people you now come into contact with. Especially if you advertise yourselves as disease-free or give people the impression you only play with condoms.

 

So sorry to hear about that bad first experience for you guys. But thanks for sharing. I'm sure your experience will help other people be more aware of what's going on, especially when playing with people they don't know. You sound responsible and conscientious and it shouldn't have happened. Hope you didn't get exposed to anything. Did your wife have any idea how he managed to take the condom off while you weren't looking?

We decided to keep going to the clubs because we like the adult scene, however have a complete STD test done and after hearing from others that is a common thing with man trying to go bareback in the lifestyle, we both think we wanna keep it soft - oral/same room sex, no penetration.

That might change, but not soon.

 

BTW, another couple we've been chatting with had a similar experience a couple of weeks back, after play she found the unwrapped condom on the bedside table.

 

That's a shame.

[slevin 1,374]

magiriano said:

We decided to keep going to the clubs because we like the adult scene, however have a complete STD test done and after hearing from others that is a common thing with man trying to go bareback in the lifestyle, we both think we wanna keep it soft - oral/same room sex, no penetration.

 

That might change, but not soon.

 

BTW, another couple we've been chatting with had a similar experience a couple of weeks back, after play she found the unwrapped condom on the bedside table.

 

That's a shame.

We have not found that men are always trying to go bareback. There may be a subsection of guys doing that, but everyone we've seen in the clubs has been using condoms. Are we just still too new to have seen enough and are in for a surprise? The more experienced swingers we've talked to (that we weren't talking to about hooking up with) have all said they use condoms exclusively unless they have a long standing relationship with a couple.

 

Also, I find it hard to believe that a woman won't realize there is not a condom being used until afterwards. My wife can tell right away that I'm wearing a condom and can totally tell the difference between sex with a condom and without. Completely different feeling. Also, if it is important to both of you to wear condoms then you should make sure that you're watching the guy put it on before you go back to what you're doing.

 

All of that isn't to say I am putting blame on either of you for this at all. This was all on the shoulders of the guy, you told him to wear a condom and he didn't. Completely his fault. All I am saying is that if you go back to doing full-swap you can take measures to ensure that your condom only rule is being adhered to.

[twohots4u2 188]

Like VegasLee, I feel that my part when we swing is to make sure Tina is safe. Our first swinging experience was at a club, and after we had played with a guy for a while, I realized that he was moving up to put his bareback cock in her. He had just finished making her cum from oral, her legs were spread wide, she was so out of it that her eyes were glazed, and she was not making any move to stop him. It was then that it hit me, when we are swinging, I had to make sure that she was safe and protected. I stopped him about an inch from entering her. He was upset and did not want to put on a condom. Shortly afterwards, he and his wife got up and left. After Tina realized what had happened, she thanked me profusely and said that she felt in a daze, knew he was about to put his bareback cock in her, but could not move a muscle or say anything.

 

Since then I have had to hand condoms to a number of guys or remind them to put one one before they entered her. Since she is sensitive to being pounded, after an experience where the guy's pounding hurt her, I also had to tell quite a few to, "Take it easy, not so hard, it makes her sore and she will stop."

 

So, don't feel bad that you have to watch out for your wife. It is just part of the experience.

[magiriano 84]

slevin said:

Also, I find it hard to believe that a woman won't realize there is not a condom being used until afterwards. My wife can tell right away that I'm wearing a condom and can totally tell the difference between sex with a condom and without. Completely different feeling. Also, if it is important to both of you to wear condoms then you should make sure that you're watching the guy put it on before you go back to what you're doing.

I heard of women not knowing they been raped while they were asleep and I never believed that either, I thought their notion of sleeping involved passing out from alcohol/drug abuse.

 

I'm glad your wife can tell right away, mine didn't.

 

After all we haven't used a condom in over 7 years.

 

And while you're reading, you skipped the part where I said that I did watched the guy put it on then penetrate her.

 

That's not even the point, watching/not watching the guy.

 

After all he could've been a magician and make the condom disappear thru some magic trick, and pull it out of his nose at the end.

 

HE IS KNOWN FOR BEING A PIG, YET ALLOWED IN WHILE ALL THE OTHER CLUBS IN TOWN BANNED HIS ASS! We should've been warned about his behavior right after we WERE ASKED TO AND WE PAID our membership DUES.

 

It could've very well happen with somebody else on a guest pass. But it didn't, it happen with a member of the club known for acts like this .

[slevin 1,374]

magiriano said:

HE IS KNOWN FOR BEING A PIG, YET ALLOWED IN WHILE ALL THE OTHER CLUBS IN TOWN BANNED HIS ASS! We should've been warned about his behavior right after we WERE ASKED TO AND WE PAID our membership DUES.

Perhaps the owners were not aware of this couples previous behavior. Perhaps no one has gone to the owners with their story first hand. I know you said that others have told you this couple is notorious for that, but if I was the owner of a club and all I ever heard was rumors with no one being willing to tell me first hand I would not ban someone or warn others of them in the absence of actual verified events. I don't know the situation here specifically, but it sounds to me that either the clubs owners don't care, or they didn't know/didn't have enough 'proof' to do something about them. I would definitely go talk to the owners of the club and then you'll know for sure what the situation was and whether you need to avoid that club altogether or not. I imagine it will also feel good to know that you've done what you can do about stopping the situation from happening again as well.

 

If I owned the club then if I felt the need to warn people about a couples behavior they just wouldn't be allowed in the door.

 

Also, I don't put my faith in the clubs owners to be the arbiter of my safety. You did the right things by telling him to put the condom on, watching him put it on and stopping it when you saw he no longer had one on. Sucks that you ran into someone like this, but I think with the knowledge that there is that potential you can be more aware of the interaction to ensure that it doesn't happen again. That isn't something trying to tell you that you should continue with doing full-swap; you should do whatever you're comfortable and happy with. It's more a comment on how I'd look at the situation if we continued to want to do full-swap, but didn't want to fall into another bad situation.

 

For us, we've chosen to take more time to get comfortable with people we swap with rather than doing it the same night we meet people at the club. Not to say one is better than the other (since many folks meet at the club and have a lot of success with that), it's just what has worked best for us and has made us the most comfortable with the situation. We've still have a few bad experiences, but fortunately nothing as serious as someone not wearing a condom.

[good times 991]

magiriano said:

HE IS KNOWN FOR BEING A PIG, YET ALLOWED IN WHILE ALL THE OTHER CLUBS IN TOWN BANNED HIS ASS! We should've been warned about his behavior right after we WERE ASKED TO AND WE PAID our membership DUES.

Actually, no, not only does the club owner have no obligation to warn you of this person's rumored behavior, but he could be in some serious financial trouble if he did. The club owners only recourse with customers like this is if you complain about him personally, and your claim is substantiated by other evidence, he can boot him out of the club. But, failing any evidence to warranty kicking him out of the club, their is nothing he can do. But again, under no circumstances can a club owner tell another patron that one of his members has a bad reputation. Spreading unsubstantiated rumors about paying customers would be one of the quickest ways to lose his business that I can think of.

 

I know several people that have been kicked out of one of the local clubs. This does not mean that the next subsequent club he goes to will automatically kick him out. As long as they learned their lesson and behave appropriately at the new club they are fine. If they continue with what got them kicked out of the first club, it usually isn't long and they get kicked out of the next one though.

 

What it boils down to is that, at a club, your interaction with others is solely controlled by you, no one else is responsible for your actions or what happens to you. And, contrary to what some others here have said, under the setting you describe (public play/orgy room setting), we have seen this type of thing happen often. The problem is that in these orgy type settings their is a lot less communication ahead of time. I have seen, many times, someone get pissed when in a public play room when someone they invited to play didn't automatically use a condom. My first question always is, "did you tell him ahead of time that he was expected to use one?" If not, then who's fault is this? Contrary to popular belief, less than half the swinging population regularly insist on condoms for play.

 

Now don't get me wrong, I have seen this type of predatory guy you describe many times. But the fact of the matter is, like the others have said, the only way something will get done about him is if you report it to the club owner. And it is true that it may be your word against his. But even if yours is the only complaint, it will get noted, and if someone else lodges a similar complaint, it won't just be your word against his any more. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me, in this case, if the reason the club owner wants to talk to you is to substantiate a claim someone else has made against the same person.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Club owners can't/ won't do anything about someone unless they know what happened. They aren't likely to just take word of mouth or rumors (of what may have happened at other clubs)... if they did that then anyone would get kicked out every time someone had some small beef with them. (i.e. someone refuses to have sex with someone else so they decide to make up some story to get them thrown out of the club). In some cases, clubs do keep in contact with each other and let each other know who to watch out for, but even then a club is not likely to ban someone based on what happened at another club without some sign that it has happened (or is likely to happen) at their club.

 

The club owners NEED to hear from you what happened. If anything like this ever happens again anywhere tell the club owners/hosts IMMEDIATELY. As it is, they do want to talk to you about what happened, so talk to them and be honest. Don't hold what happened against the club itself. You've been having a good time there. There are bad people in swinging and you will encounter them at every club you go to. You have to swing defensively and in the end it is always up to you to make sure that you are safe and that others are staying within your boundaries. The club owners can only do so much, and they can't be standing by to hold your hand and make sure that you don't encounter the big bad wolf.

[2inSanDiego4u 181]

You need to talk to the club owners. Make your case, and have them talk to your wife too. Tell them that they have a problem on their hands, and that this couple will result in many more couples not attending their club in the future. If they are responsible club owners, they will do something about it. Good luck.

[jjtrindc 142]

Let us say, first and foremost, that guy was a pig! But we were a little taken aback that you didn't stop him. I would have tackled the guy had I found him doing bareback penetration with my wife - or even a friend for that matter. One thing about swinging is that you can be "diplomatic" but never shy about telling your potential partners what your ground rules are. If they don't like what your boundaries are then what's the point of swinging with them? You wouldn't be friends with a vanilla couple if they didn't respect you right??? We don't believe in the three strikes rule. Heck, we barely believe in the one strike rule. You even begin to do something we didn't agree on and we get dressed, say sorry, and move on. "Heat of the moment" arguments are crap when it comes to our safety, security and sanity. Never never never hesitate to state up front what it is your boundaries are and then stick to them, even if it means an uncomfortable confrontation.

 

As for the club owners. Don't walk...run and report this couple. It's your responsibility to fellow club goers.

 

As for STD's, we agree. Get tested. Twice. Even if you only do "soft swap" you are at risk of infecting others. That's a basic scientific fact. We're not going to go into all the details, but would encourage you to speak with a physician who can give it to you straight and has the degree to back it up.

 

Sorry for the bad experience. Just remember this lifestlye is only increasing in popularity because of the number of people who are having so much fun!

[magiriano 84]

Thanx everyone for all your input.

The complete bloodwork/STD check came clean so no worries about that anymore.

As for the club, we ever went back again we will however talk to the club owners about it eventually.

Right now neither one of us feels like calling them since we feel they should've screened their members more carefully.

It might not be the textbook right thing to do but it's the way we decided to cope with it.

[NumbskullsX2 24]

You are responsable for whatever situations you and your wife get into, not the club owner. Try getting to know people a little but before you hop into bed with them and this probably won't happen again.

[tribbles 490]

Quote

The complete bloodwork/STD check came clean so no worries about that anymore.

Can someone get HSV and HIV results in less than a month after playing? Or did the experience happen long enough ago that blood tests are good. I thought HSV blood work wasn't useful for 3 months after possible exposure.

 

Glad your tests are negative.

[SecretAsianMan 348]

It's a tough thing - but both you and your partner need to make it clear that "bareback" is not something y'all are into. I've been in situations similar to that & always stuck around to make sure anyone my partner was with kept a condom on throughout ... even if that meant I needed to forego playing with other people for a while. (Usually it just meant I would be getting serviced orally by my partner while they had intercourse with her)

 

It's one of those "dangers" you need to keep an eye out on. Most guys are fine with wearing protection ('cuz it's not just your gal that is being protected - the guys are protecting themselves from your gal)...after all, if y'all have never been together before & aren't familiar with one another - who knows what y'all are bringing to play, right??

 

I hope that this was just a one-time "bad experience" and y'all will continue to have a good time in the lifestyle. Remember - you need to communicate to ALL your partners (and be aware yourself) of the type of interaction that's going on.

 

Be safe & enjoy.

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

magiriano said:

They are banned from all other clubs yet the owners of this club didn't banned them and didn't care to warn us about it.

Other members didn't warn us about them either.

How many on-premise clubs are there in Calgary, anyway? Most markets of Calgary's size only have one or two, but you make it seem as if this couple has been banned from five or six. If this couple has indeed been banned from a half-dozen clubs, then it's not unreasonable to expect other club owners to be wary of a couple with such a widespread reputation. But if this couple has been banned from only one or two, then we're not convinced that other club owners have a responsibility to ban that couple based on so little hearsay.

 

Speaking of hearsay, did you survey the other owners to verify that this couple was indeed banned from their clubs, or did you just take everyone else's word for it? Personally, we avoid making decisions about where we play based on what other people do or say. If we have a bad experience with a couple, we just don't play with them anymore, but that won't keep us away from a place we otherwise enjoy. Furthermore, we prefer to judge people based on our personal experience with them, not everyone else's experiences.

[onenastyday 15]

NumbskullsX2 said:

You are responsible for whatever situations you and your wife get into, not the club owner. Try getting to know people a little but before you hop into bed with them and this probably won't happen again.

I would not write anything except that I feel bad what you had to go through and it is lesson for next time if any. Thanks a lot for sharing as there are a lot of first timers here, they ought to know that bad things can happen

[J & K 16]

First it is not the club owners to screen who puts condoms on. We are all adults in this lifestyle and it is everybody's responsibility to make sure safe sex happens. It all falls down to you and your wife to make sure all the right steps are taken.

 

When I saw you didn't stop the event I asked "why"? If I saw some dude doing that with my wife and sneaked off the protection I would of stopped it right there...temper or not. You still let it happen when it all comes down to it. So that guy and you were at fault in a nutshell. Others around you would of understood if you wanted to raise hell about it. At least that would of been a great warning signal for others on that night to beware of this guys behavior. On the other hand he is just stupid himself by not protecting himself. That tells you something about the guy and his lady. WOW!!! We would be scared as hell for a while if this happened to us, but I sure would of decked the guy anyways even if it meant us being thrown out of the club.

[nhcpl1968 18]

Take it from an owner if we are not told about a problem there is not much we can do about it... So if I were you i would talk to the owners, then see what happens.

[magiriano 84]

NumbskullsX2 said:

You are responsible for whatever situations you and your wife get into, not the club owner. Try getting to know people a little but before you hop into bed with them and this probably won't happen again.

Yeah right!!!!!!!!!!

 

About a month ago at the advice of some online friends, we decided to go back to the same club.

 

We had fun, socialized and then my wife and I went to the playroom to have fun by ourselves.

 

We were in the middle of it when a guy just tried to enter her bareback again and I heard my wife saying NO twice...She jumped and left the bed.

 

Long story short, I beat the crap out of him and weren't for the owners I would've put him in a coma or worst. He was such a wimp and didn't even put a single hand up, just took the beating like a bitch.

 

Still think he got off cheap for his attempted rape. My right wrist still hurts.

 

Our guess is that this shit happens a lot more than people like to admit...

 

Anyway, we got the membership refunded and had enough swinging for now...

 

Good luck to the rest of you tho...

[slevin 1,374]

That is bizarre. We've been to a club here a number of times and not once has anyone even tried to touch Katrina without asking first. Every time she says no they politely go about whatever (and whoever) they were already engaged with. I've never seen anyone touch anyone else inappropriately and if it did ever happen all it would take is one conversation with the owners for that person to be shown the door permanently.

 

Sucks that you had a bad experience. Good luck to you both.

[rpu3 630]

Quote

We were in the middle of it when a guy just tried to enter her bareback again and I heard my wife saying NO twice...She jumped and left the bed.

 

Well, I'm sorry you had two bad experiences, but I am a bit confused that if you two went off by yourselves, how did it come that this guy could even be in a position to try to fuck your wife, bareback/permission notwithstanding? If I'm going at it with The Spousal Unit or someone else, I'm not sure how anyone else could get their penis even close to in the mix?

 

And I'm with Slevin - other than a bit of non-permissive touching, for which nothing more than my very effective "death glare" resolves, I've not seen or experienced this kind of behavior. Your experiences are definitely a head-scratcher.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

There is more to the story than what we are being told.

[lizandtom 512]

I would venture to guess that you went to the club on a night when single guys are allowed and you encountered one who doesn't know the swing club etiquette. We only attend swing clubs when it's couples and girls only. Nothing against single guys who know the rules and have respect, but so many don't.

 

As for pummeling the guy who didn't throw fists back, I think you're lucky you weren't arrested, unless there's more to it than that. Usually you find a bouncer or the owner and have their arse thrown out and banned.

 

Considering you've had repeated issues, you might be too hotheaded to be in the lifestyle.

[magiriano 84]

BiloxiCouple said:

There is more to the story than what we are being told.

 

Of course there is...

 

While asking the owners for a refund on the membership, the lady that brought the guy in(her guest) said to the owners that she told him repeatedly not to go near my wife without a condom on but he just wouldn't listen. She also said it wasn't her boyfriend but just a friend and she was banned from the club. He was not a member.

 

The club is not as upscale as the other two in town but it allows smoking (for those who don't know this smoking is banned in public bars/restaurants Canada wide) and since we weren't meeting anyone or looking to play with anyone that night but just go out, people watching and satisfy our voyeuristic cravings I said what the hell, if we don't meet anyone we like at least I can smoke there as oppose to the other clubs.

 

So yes maybe we were slamming just a bit.

 

And short of writing a novel about it I can't describe all the events that occurred that evening.....I can only give you my side of the story and it's subjectivity...

 

lizandtom said:

I would venture to guess that you went to the club on a night when single guys are allowed and you encountered one who doesn't know the swing club etiquette. We only attend swing clubs when it's couples and girls only. Nothing against single guys who know the rules and have respect, but so many don't.

 

As for pummeling the guy who didn't throw fists back, I think you're lucky you weren't arrested.

 

Thanx for venturing and no it was not a singles night. Something was fishy about the story the member that brought him in had.......He was not her spouse or boyfriend but just some guy, and she seemed too devastated about being banned from the club. She was crying and begging the owners not to ban her?!

 

At the time I was pissed that I didn't got arrested so I can find out who the guy was and where does he live..His luck I guess... The previous experience and the stress that accumulated over the few months of waiting for a clean bill of health and a negative pregnancy test got the best of me and I just felt like nothing short of putting the guy in a coma was enough. But the bouncers held me to give him a chance to run away which he did naked .

 

We were the only two people in the playroom, and before we knew it people magically appeared around us - see First Time Club Experience

 

We were really into it and didn't mind the touching, condoms were close by and I put one in the guys hand but then he put it down and tried to enter Mia without a condom and she said NO, he tried again and she said NO but he kept at it and she jumped.

 

I was on the bottom, she was on top kissing me he was behind her so I didn't had a clear view of what went on behind Mia but after I heard her saying No the second time and when she jumped I did went bananas.......

 

rpu3 I hope this covers your post too...The touching was permissive, Mia liked it but he ignored my request for condom only and he ignored Mia twice when she said NO.

[Additude 457]

Bizarre....

 

Just very bizarre......

 

With all due respect, I'm amazed that you'd even return to that club and even then that you did, have a second experience as equally related to the first, but this time even more intense and ending in physical violence, the club expulsing 2 individuals and you being refunded your membership.

 

I think you need to find a new hobby.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Was this the same club as the first experience?

 

It definitely sounds like some asshole guy found this girl and used her as a ticket (she may have already been a member and maybe she told him and he thought it was a great chance to get something/somewhere/ someone he wouldn't otherwise have the opportunity to do.

 

I'm sorry that you've had two experiences in a row go this way, but this is not the norm. I've never had it happen in over 10 years in the lifestyle, going to clubs, being involved in a variety of large group sexcapades including gangbangs and the like. I can definitely understand how going through that twice would be enough to make you not want to try again, and that's your choice. But, please know that that is not the norm.

[magiriano 84]

JustAskJulie said:

Was this the same club as the first experience?

 

It definitely sounds like some asshole guy found this girl and used her as a ticket (she may have already been a member and maybe she told him and he thought it was a great chance to get something/somewhere/ someone he wouldn't otherwise have the opportunity to do.

 

I'm sorry that you've had two experiences in a row go this way, but this is not the norm. I've never had it happen in over 10 years in the lifestyle, going to clubs, being involved in a variety of large group sexcapades including gangbangs and the like. I can definitely understand how going through that twice would be enough to make you not want to try again, and that's your choice. But, please know that that is not the norm.

Yes, same club.We really didn't wanna go back TO MM but we got talked into going back by one of our internet friends from AFF. As far as I know there's 3 clubs in Calgary and another one about 30 minutes out of town. But this is the only place in town other than the Indian casino where smoking is still allowed and while I am not a chain smoker I enjoy smoking especially while clubbing.

 

The truth is, the other two clubs seemed more selective of it's members, one of them is too new and with a young crowd and to us it felt like a rave place but the other (CAPC) is just awesome. Small, but well decorated well supplied with snacks, drinks, fruit and the presentation is great, the rooms are well supplied with lubes, towels, etc., non smoking and about 30-40 mins drive.

 

Since we only went once to the awesome club and didn't know the regulars or anybody there, and we weren't looking to play with others yet we chose to put behind our first experience and go to the same club that is 5 minutes away from home(we have a toddler), where we know a few people and were I could smoke even tho it seems less selective of it's members and is not as nice as CAPC. Being a lifestyle club we expected that everyone plays by the same rules. And we took the advice of some here that said it wasn't the club owners fault for our first crappy time there.

And we did have fun the whole night there, we danced, mingled, met new people it was all good until the idiot decided to disregard us. He got a rotten deal - poor bastard, I took out on him all my anger and frustration from the first idiot but oh well...

 

I don't know, maybe our idea of swingers was that of hippies and free love and now we know that we should've learn more about it before getting into it?

[ncmd_couple 597]

magiriano,

 

Other than the fact that you had to deal with a jerk, the rest of the night was fun for you. Personally, I do hold the club owner responsible for what happened. Granted, he can't be everywhere, nor can the staff be everywhere, all the time. But the owners set the tone for behavior at the club. I feel that your reaction, and actions, were the wrong ones, but I do understand what you did. The club owner did respond to your complaint properly though. I personally would have immediately reported the guy to the owner, watched them escorted to the door, then gone back to having a good time.

[magiriano 84]

ncmd ,

Thanx for your input, it is greatly appreciated.

 

Since all of this events, we've been on a limbo if we wanna/don't wanna keep swinging.

 

I am having a hard time convincing my wife it is worth the trouble, however she seems to have come to terms about it.

 

I know that my/ our actions are somehow wrong and in our defense I can only say that we weren't perfectly informed and assumed that everyone else is as honest and trustworthy as we are.

 

It is part of my life's philosophy to treat others the way I wanna be treated, in this case that I'd treat someone's wife with the utmost caring,love and respect and I expected that someone that I entrust with the love of my life will behave in the same manner.It sounds a bit naive I know but that's just how I am "honest to a fault" as my lovely wife describes me. If I have to check on someone to make sure that they don't hurt us then the whole thing becomes a joke, I am basically landing some asshole my wife for them to use as a cheap whore...

 

For those of you on this forum that played the devil's advocate and blamed me or us for what happened (don't remember now but someone actually blamed Mia for not feeling that the condom was off) I can only assume that you're not any better than this two idiots we met and if I were you I'd seriously consider not disregarding other people.After all, you never know when you'd meet your own hotblooded Sicilian and what he might do. I didn't post this tread to be egged on but to ask if this is a norm and to make other newbies out there aware of what can happen.

And didn't consider that there's people that have the same attitude towards a rape victim, blaming her for provoking the assailant...

 

On a good note, we've been chatting with a few local couples , explained to them why we will only consider soft swap/oral/same room sex at this point, and we got a quite a few good replies from people that understood us and are ok with taking things slow...

 

So Thursday we're going on a date and hopefully if all goes well, Saturday night... Well if it happens, I'll give you the good news

[slevin 1,374]

Hope your upcoming experiences are positive ones. As I said before, the issues you had definitely aren't the norm based on our experience. Hopefully they were aberrations for you and things will go smoothly from here on.

 

No need for the continued tough-guy talk though. We get it, you're a tough Italian who will kick anyone's ass who crosses you. Lets get back to swinging discussions

[magiriano 84]

SLEVIN,

As always you're the voice of reason. It took us awhile to get over all this and we're finally back in the game. We also got a chance to get informed and read a ton of materials about the lifestyle. We spotted a ton of mistakes we made while at the club and going back after our first experience.

In fact, we just met a new couple where seems to be a 4 way attraction. Your advice of getting to know people first sure helped, we had a great night out with our new friends at a local pub and hopefully will meet them again and get to know them better.

 

Thanx everyone for all of your input.

Stay safe, stay sexy.

[slevin 1,374]

Thanks for the kind words

 

Very glad that you had a great time out with this couple! I think I saw you mention that in another thread as well and it sounded like a very positive and fun thing for you. Looking forward to hearing how your explorations go in the future!

[magiriano 84]

Actually, it was a totally different couple than the one we planned to meet last week.

 

Something came up so we had to cancel with the first ones and we got a great reply from another cpl on a email.

 

Their pix didn't do them justice tho because here we were saying what the hell, let's meet the bikers, and we actually met the most beautiful people so far...

 

Must've been different watching the real life Village people because here we were: the biker, the hippy, the WOP and the mail order bride...

 

We had a blast and connected right away at an unbelievable spiritual level...

 

Boy it's amazing how 4 different people that would've walked a million times past each other with nothing more than polite greetings could have so much in common.

[Newcouple17 101]

OMG! absolute horror story!

We're starting to panic here...

Hope you guys are ok, this is not how you want to start out.

[Eddiem 139]

Old thread I know but we experienced something similar while on a trip to the southern US. My wife and I have friends in the lifestyle and we visited a club. At first it was something "out of mind" as in terms of experience. After a while we found a nice couple that was introduced to us from some friends online. They were great. We danced and had some cocktails. Later in the eve as the night heated up and after the x number of cocktails loosened our guard up we were approached by another couple in their mid 40s (like us).

 

We started to play a little and after a while agreed to visit a more private area together much to my amazement (wife is normally more shy). The guy came across as nice and his wife as well. She was not my type "but" for the sake of some fun for everyone I agreed.

 

The private area had a few other couples in there some watching, others having fun. My wife next to me I felt like I was with a stripper as I could grab her breasts and touch her body. Erstwhile her husband began kissing her (my wife) breasts and moved his was down to her crotch where he pulled off her panties and I could see she was nervous. I was told by the lady that this was common the first time around. She began taking my attention by demanding I rub her etc... All around us I could see other couples getting really into it.

 

Long story short...(if possible) the guy heats up my wife, I reach for some condoms (in the bowl next to me) and send one to him. He takes it without looking while going down on her. He then looks over passed me and along comes another guy in his maybe 30s and another. They stand an watch as I have this woman on my lap, her breasts in my face and I see in the corner of my eye he puts his cock in my wife. She is enjoying herself uncomfortably. Another woman comes along and tries to kiss her, she shies away from her. He has mounted her and is now fucking her. I am not sure if she said ok but assume so. Feeling left out I ask the lady on my lap and she says "not yet"... as her husband is fucking my wife. We had some small sexy talk I am still in my boss underwear this guy is really giving my wife a fucking. Another guy comes over and rubs her tits... she arches her back and he starts locking up as he is about the cum. He finishes and then pulls out his cock I cannot see anything as I am blocked and I am trying to also get some action but she is reluctant. Another guy comes along and asks to join in. My wife says nothing that I can hear and he puts his cock on her chest. She kisses it and the guys walks away. Nothing happening. The lady then hops off and her husband gives my wife a kiss. She is lying there. I see the condom package is unopened and I ask my wife and she puts her hand in her crotch and sees it full of cum.

 

We reported the couple and were told that we have to be clear of the rules. We did... but it was written off as "in the heat of the moment your wife probably asked for it...". I spoke to my buddy later the next day and he told me there are couples like this. My wife was tested for STDs nothing so that was great but our first experience we were duped and I felt ripped off.

[Newcouple17 101]

Eddiem said:

Old thread I know but we experienced something similar while on a trip to the southern US.

Sorry to hear about your experience.

 

Having had a bad club experience ourselves, we won't be going back...which is a shame. Obviously there are people out there that are either plain horrible or just selfish.

[Eddiem 139]

Agreed...Kind of a rude awakening as I heard only "good things" from our friends in the LS. We joined a couple of the global event groups. I will keep you posted...

[Newcouple17 101]

Yes, we were very nervous about going, but after our first visit felt much happier...that didn't last very long!

 

Thanks and we'll look forward to hearing about your experiences.

[Eddiem 139]

Yes, we were very nervous about going, but after our first visit felt much happier......that didn't last very long!

Thanks and we'll look forward to hearing about your experiences.

 

Thanks and we will update. We had the same reservations but glad we did it even though it did not turn out as expected.

[10thBadger 25]

My wife and I just read what you wrote and dude I feel so sorry for you but at the same time I am thinking as I was reading everything that you were doing and when you finally saw that this guy did not wear a condom after you put someone in a table for him to use. There is no way in hell just like the other guy said that he would not have stopped him or tackled him and told him to stop. There is being gentle and try not to be that guy I guess in the rule where people are having fun and destroying everybody’s mood  and then there is protecting your wife from something that she cannot see and for some reason she could not feel which is hard for me to believe but us another subject to be spoken about, I myself would’ve went absolute apeshit and things would’ve went south immediately. In other words I am saying that there would have been furniture moving around that place because  that guy would not have been safe after seeing him go bareback with my wife after I gave him condoms to use. I wouldn’t care what my wife thought at the moment that I was jealous or getting upset, I can explain that to her later that this guy was bareback and you  and making you unsafe and could possibly change your Health for the rest of your life. That part of conversation could have been after I was done doing what I had to do to protect you speaking of my wife of course. 

 

but my worst experience in my only experience was with somebody in the club actually did warn us about what was going on. A friend of mine and his wife decided they want to take us to a club, I don’t wanna say it was a swingers club but it probably was and of course my wife and I aren’t very interested in swinging but we were interested in seeing what this place is all about because we have seen TV shows and we had looked at stuff and laughed. It was clear that it would be very hard for both of us because  I am extremely possessive and I’m not afraid to say it, I love my wife like crazy and I know for sure that it would be extremely hard for me to get over the jealousy and to be able to do anything like that but at the same time my wife feels the same way about me. 

 

back to the story, we went to this club with a friend of his wife that used to go to the club and just have sex amongst them selves but never participate in the sharing. Will they decided they wanted to take us and we were hesitant at first but we said OK what’s the problem. I know I could stop anything of danger so my wife said don’t you leave my side not even to go to the bathroom or I will take your eyes out lol and of course I would never do that anyway but she made it clear that I was to stay by her side the whole time.  Obviously these people that are in the club note with somebody is new and soon as we walked in they saw my beautiful tall Slavic Russian wife and all these dudes in the 40s and 50s were looking at her and we were laughing and my wife had a nervous giggle  and said they look like they never seen another woman before come in here and all these women are in here. I said don’t worry about it I’m standing right here and then the ploy of the game plan started to hit. They started to send a women over to speak to my wife and my friends wife and asked them to come over to where they were in this group and  talk and have a drink. So of course my wife said please get me a drink because I don’t want anybody to give me anything in this place so I turned around to give her a drink and his wife of drink and of course me and my buddy had a beer. It was then after my wife finally said OK just keep an eye on me and I’m gonna be with my buddies wife and we’re gonna walk over there and speak with them. Of course I laughed when I said what about you staying close to me and she said keep your eyes on me and of course I agreed. The woman started to try to move our two wives out of our eyesight and into a hallway that was kind of covered but at the same time open but from where we were standing at the bar all they had to do is go down a couple feet  and they would be out of eyesight. So when I tried to move to where I could see down the hallway some of the guy started coming up and wanted to talk to me almost like trying to block me from seeing down the hallway and it was then when I saw my wife with this pasty look on her face  watt back to me in a very strict fashion with one of the other wives that invited her to come talk right behind her try to grab her arm to stop her from getting back to me. But at the same time these guys are still trying to give cover  and block my direct path to my wife.

 

The next thing I know is that my wife is trying to talk to me while this other lady who invited her to go into this group of women and my buddies wife, this lady was trying to speak to my wife at the same time my wife is trying to speak with me and of course my buddies wife was trying to speak with his wife to find out what was going on because both of them were kind of nervous. Pretty much what the conversation was is that I guess you guys called it unicorn something hunters like that. At least that’s what the bartender eventually told us when we finally got this group of women away from our wives and immediately because this lady was talking English of course because we were in the United States, my wife start speaking Russian to me so I could clearly understand what she was saying and it was that she was thinking and so is my buddies wife that these women were trying to separate us from our wives but what we didn’t know because we couldn’t see directly down the hallway is that their husbands were waiting and approaching them and grabbing their hands and acting all stupid and both of our wives were saying no and then my wife finally pulled away and grabbed his wife and pulled away and that’s when the other wife started chasing them because they didn’t want them to get back to us while we were at the bar. In hindsight even though my wife is sitting right next to me and she says the ladies just wanted to speak in the hallway because the music was so loud but the actual attentions were very different what we got in the hallway and that’s what made me run back to you . From what I understand they were trying to separate us from my wise and they I had also drinks for them that these guys had bought and was trying to give it to them at the same time take their drinks away from them that I have purchased.

 

So immediately after my wife explain to me this in Russian and then I explain it to my buddy who I was in the military with, we both got irate. Immediately I told my buddy to stay in here with the girls I’m going down the hallway to have a conversation or may be a misunderstanding with these dudes that tried to do this with my wife and his wife. But before I could leave my wife side she pointed them out because now they came out of the hallway and those same drinks were sitting on the table where they were at but nobody was drinking them and as soon as they saw me coming toward them, they immediately called over the bouncer and started pointing at me which at that time didn’t really give a damn. So immediately the bouncer said what happened and I told him what happened and what my wife said and then he turned and looked at them and told him to leave the bar area and go down to the play rules which I had no idea they were play room there. Of course they are regulars so they were very upset that the bouncer didn’t agree with them and then one of them made a mistake of grinning so I mean he stop with my fingers up his nostrils and pushed him against the wall holding his head like a bowling ball and then of course I had to leave and of course my wife was right behind me and my buddy was apologizing to us and his wife because they had never experienced something like that when they came here. 

 

like I said me and my wife just actually went in just because it was something that we saw, not really something that we would do, but we have thought about it in a funny way but after that experience my wife wasn’t even interested even going to something like that even know that she would never do anything. I guess you record voyeurism and just checking out the scene but that was something that just made it very clear that this is not for us and it was really nothing that we would participate in but we did have some slight 3% interest but after that it went to zero. So that is Mari horror story and I am definitely happy that my wife was able to pull his wife along with her self out of the hallway and she said it was about four guys and six women that were in the hallway with them and they got out of there because my wife saw or she felt  something bad was gonna happen. Like I said my wife is sitting right next to me and she just said you know when you get that sense that something just isn’t right and when the men approached us out of nowhere and trying to take our drinks and give us drinks I knew we had to make a retreat quickly but the funny thing is the guys who came to the bar tried to start conversations with us and block us from seeing down the hallway, he didn’t take much for me to get past him but it’s the fact that there was some distance that I had to walk and I had no idea of the layout of the hallway and the rooms.

 

So mine thing to the other guy did not protect his wife. It is not the club owner responsibility to stop people from doing stupid things and hurting other people because like the others said we are all adults and we chose to walk through that door. It is my responsibility as her husband to protect her from harm and any other dangers that approach her whether it’s seen by her or not seen by her. As I stated before being in your position and actually seeing this guy bareback and your wife, and not doing something about it immediately, I believe that it would have broken your trust with your wife for not saying something or pushing this guy off of her immediately and everybody in the club would’ve figured out because you would be screaming at him or saying something to him about having sex with your wife bareback after you gave him a condom. Then everybody with a saw and being a witness to what this couple was doing so that it would not be just your word against them. As for your wife, even my wife says right now at this very moment that there is no way that this woman cannot understand if a guy does not have a condom on or if they do not have a condom on. It is a absolutely different feeling and no way would I not be able to tell the difference no matter how heated the moment would have been. Now my wife just said but since we’ve been married 27 years and we have never used a condom I’m sure I would be able to tail right away  lol 

[Anon321 521]

I hate this shit.  I've had guys pull this shit on my GF and it's the worst.  My GF is extremely accommodating but we have a zero tolerance policy on this.  Last time I saw a guy slip one off I lost it on him.  It ruined the entire thing and I felt like a pimp or something yelling at him which also pissed me off more.