The hypocrisy of SOME swingers

[damayor 31]

I found this message board through Vegasredrooster.com and I've known Lee for years (thanks for putting the link on the home page)

 

I've been a swinger for over 7 years, mainly as a single male, but what I want to get feedback on is a subject that has always angered me and that's the attitudes of some couples when you turn from a single male into a couple.

 

I am very lucky to live in a town where single males can come to a club without being sponsored by a couple but I've had more than a few experiences going with a girlfriend.

 

The situation that I speak of is this....couples who think (and act) like single males are the bottom of the swinger chain will act like your best friend if you bring a woman with you.

 

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid, I know the reason why this is. It's because they are both trying to get to the woman. But guess what....that doesn't change who I am as a person and it sure doesn't change who I was when I came last time as a single male and you could barely give me a hello.

 

Some simple respect goes a long way in determining if me and my partner are going to play with you.

 

Am I the only one who's experienced this?

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid, I know the reason why this is. It's because they are both trying to get to the woman. But guess what....that doesn't change who I am as a person and it sure doesn't change who I was when I came last time as a single male and you could barely give me a hello.

If you could give some specific examples of the treatment you're receiving from couples when you go to the club as a single male it would help me understand more about your situation.

 

I agree that you're the same person when you attend with a woman. However, I think when you go with a woman it does change who/what you are because now you are a couple.

 

We don't stop and start up a conversation with many single males because we seek couples and we'll increase our chances of hooking up if we devote our time to couples. Most times, if we say a few words to singles it's because we're waiting in line next to each other to order a drink. Unless we had reason to be aloof, we'd smile "hello" in passing, but that's about it.

 

Now, if we saw you as a "couple" with your woman, there would be a much greater chance of us checking you out, because now you - together - are what we're seeking: couples.

 

LM

[VegasLee 1,486]

No, your not the only one that has experienced this.

 

It is all about attitude and respect on all sides of the fense. Even you and I have had this conversation.

 

I see it with many others also. There are people that came as a couple for years then appeared alone only to be shunned. Is it right, no, but that is how many people are, not all, but many.

 

As I have said many times to many people, ignore it and go on with life.

 

Do not let the actions of others direct your life and your fun.

 

I keep it pretty simple, I will abuse anyone.

 

Life and this Lifestyle is what you make of it. Don't let others do it for you.

[gatorvol64 216]

Are you finding things different with only the people who didn't play with you as a single man? I imagine, in my state of mind right now, that this is the case. I'm with Lee on this. Don't let them bother you. You wouldn't want to play with them anyway.

 

Vol

[Chicup 41]

I hate to break it to you but single males are the bottom of the swinging food chain, get used to it.

 

And while sometimes they may be both trying to get your woman, what many of us are looking for is partner exchange, wife swapping, you know swinging, not just a guy to bang the wife.

 

I'll add that while you experience auto rejection as a single male, what do you think happens to couples where one of them is very unattractive, or both? They don't get the time of day either.

 

People are at clubs to socialize and have sex with other people (mostly) if they have no interest in single males most don't want to encourage you to try or waste their time (and time is limited to hook up).

 

Now that being said to you, we are not rude to single males, we will say hi, we will be polite though we will let them know right away we are not interested.

 

I'd think of it this way. I get a lot of salesmen showing up at my work wanting me to buy their crap. If they come with something I have no interest in, I'm not going to give them the time of day, rarely they have something useful to me and I'll be willing to talk. You are basically selling yourselves to these couples, and they just don't want to buy what you have to offer, and may have had rude experiences dealing with single men in the past. We've never been to a vegas club but our closest swinger friends have and they described said club (quite well known) as creepy with an over abundance of single men who seemed to be waiting around for couples to start having sex. As you said you are not sponsored, couples have no reason to think you just are not some creep guy at Vegas looking to get some action while cheating on his wife back in Nebraska. Get over yourself.

[tribbles 490]

what do you think happens to couples where one of them is very unattractive, or both? They don't get the time of day either.

 

BS. Maybe where you are but not where we are. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe your area has the same standards but I'm happy ours doesn't! (Can I break out in song? Sing it with me "Everything is beautiful......in it's own way......")

 

And the point damayor is making, as I read it, is that these couples have seen him more than once...treated him rudely and now suck up to him and kiss ass cuz he has a date with him.

 

It's not that they didn't have sex with him....the couldn't even be bothered to be nice until they saw him with a lady.

 

And thus, they do not get any of his couples action cuz he knows them as rude people...not people who just rejected playing with him as a single.

 

I can talk to anyone at a club....even if for just a few minutes and wish them a good evening...even if I don't want to play with them. If being nice for a few minutes means I miss some 'perfect fuck' then it's not really perfect or worth the cost since I had to be rude to another human being.

 

Rude is one of the most unattractive traits I know of.

[Dynamar 246]

The question you seem to be asking, damayor, is "Why do some people act like assholes?" And I wish I had another answer besides "Because they're assholes." And as such, they don't deserve any of your time or consideration.

 

I agree wholeheartedly with tribbles. Being nice costs nothing, and there are tactful ways of letting someone know you're not interested in playing with them. Doesn't mean you can't be sociable and nice.

[SnowwwWhite 39]

If the couples were truly "rude" and wouldn't talk to you, my guess is they just were communicating non-verbally what they should have had the class to communicate to you directly: "You're a nice guy, but we don't approve of you coming here without a woman, it makes us uncomfortable and we're worried you'll want a MFM and we aren't looking for that. We don't want you approaching us tonight so we're giving you the cold shoulder and hoping you'll get the message."

 

If I was a guy, I wouldn't be whining about getting the cold shoulder at a swinger's club! That just makes me think about how silly it is when a girl wears a cleavage-baring top and complains that all the men are staring at her boobs. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?

 

Swinging is primarily a couples sport, and single men don't fit into most couple's fantasies. Why try to turn logic on its head and get all bent out of shape over it? Yes, those couples who ignored you were probably NOT HAPPY to see you on the nights when you came in alone. Chances are, you probably made them feel uncomfortable and you can bet they're complaining somewhere to someone about those damn "single males."

 

There's a reason so many swinger's clubs restrict single males... they're not exactly a good fit based on what the majority of swingers find acceptable... and no one wants to feel uncomfortable.

 

Honestly, I'm surprised there are clubs that even let single guys in. But I guess it is Vegas after all.

[VegasLee 1,486]

The club he is talking about I happen to be the host of.

 

EVERYONE is welcome at our club, couples, single men and single women. As long as they know how to respect people. All People!

 

26 years ago Mike and Chris opened that club with the belief that Swinging was for EVERYONE! They had been Swingers for over 20 years before opening the place and to this day they believe it is still for everyone.

 

No place is there a law or rule that says swinging is for couples only. There are some clubs that are that way and that is fine but at our place everyone is and will be treated equal or you are not welcome there. Simple as that.

 

Two of the biggest and busiest and oldest clubs in the country have ALWAYS allowed single men.

 

Single men should NOT expect to be treated rudely by anyone, no one should expect to be treated rudely by anyone else at a party of any type.

 

Honestly, we have more trouble from SINGLE WOMEN then we have ever had with single men in a club.

 

People with attitudes that ANYONE deserves to be treated rudely have no business in this Lifestyle.

[good times 991]

Hmm, I don't think we are rude to single males. On the other hand, as some of the others have said, they are not what we are looking for. So, we probably could fall into the category of not giving them the time of day. I am not saying it is right, but as a view from the other side of the fence, our experience has been that if we are anything more than simply polite but evasive, we end up, more often than not, having them follow us around like a stray dog all night. In other words, if they say something to us we will respond as politely and quickly as possible and then move on, but we try to keep our interaction with single males to a minimum so as not to lead them to think we are interested in them for what we came to the club for. And yes, we do tell them early on that we aren't interested, and most guys leave it at that. But every once in a while one will still follow us around, and I'll have to admit, it effects how friendly we tend to be with all of them at first.

 

One exception though, in our case at least, what I have said so far only applies to single males we see at the club once or twice. We are actually pretty good friends with some of the regular single males that come to the club. Once it is obvious that a single male respects our preferences, namely that we don't play with singles, male or female, it isn't uncommon for one or both us to sit and have friendly conversations with them, especially on a slow night.

[good times 991]

Honestly, we have more trouble from SINGLE WOMEN then we have ever had with single men in a club.

This has actually been our experience too. If I think of all the problems that we shouldn't have had, but did in the last year, most of them involved single women, and very few involved single men.

[good times 991]

I also would like to say that we have been to the Rooster in Vegas, and all the single males we interacted with were nice respectful guys.

[Alura 2,774]

I go to the Porsche club meetings to talk to other Porsche owners because I'm interested in how they care for their cars, where the good parts prices are, and (rarely) to share a ride in each other's cars, if we're well acquainted.

 

If some gentleman shows up in a pickup truck and wants to talk about how the Dodge Ram is better than the Ford F-150, We'll be friendly but the Porsche owners won't spend much time talking with him.

 

If he drives in next month in a concourse 928S, he'll get all kinds of attention and so will his car.

 

What's not to understand?

 

Mr. Alura

[SnowwwWhite 39]

I didn't mean to give the impression that he deserved to be treated rudely. I was just looking at it from the other people's perspective and trying to understand why he may have been treated rudely on a night when he was alone vs. on a night when he was with a woman.

 

I think that's what he was looking for... another perspective on why that might have happened. I'm not much of a coddler so it didn't occur to me to write a sympathy post in case that's what was expected.

 

Based on everything I've read in the forums and on the internet, and based on my experience researching local clubs, it appears that MOST couples and/or clubs are not welcoming of single men. Can't speak for everyone, but there must be a reason so many clubs don't allow them. Single men should be prepared for that. I don't see why it would be a surprise to them.

 

Regardless though, no one should treat someone nice one night and completely ignore them the next based on their date status. That's just rude and there's really no excuse for that.

[Alura 2,774]

Thanks, Lee!

 

Mr. Alura

[Chicup 41]

While I'll always have to ponder the difference between a single male who likes casual sex is somehow different from a single male 'swinger', I know from my sexual maturation I would have been fine with an MFM with someone elses wife, long before I'd have dreamed of involving my own wife, the label doesn't matter.

 

Yes people shouldn't be rude, but quite frankly we don't have any descriptions of being rude here. The single male in question here gave no examples, but a typical single male rant about being treated unfairly.

 

And for the tangent yes single females, rare as they are compared to single males, have even a larger proportion of fruit cakes, and we stopped actively looking for them a LONG time ago because of it.

 

But the self pity of single males will always fall on deaf ears to many of us, the majority of us, who really want nothing to do with them.

 

Shit happens, we as a couple have been treated rudely (aka ignored) by couples who obviously didn't want to play with us and I didn't feel the need to make a thread about it. I'm sure if one of us, whoever was the anchor (I'll guess myself) was more attractive to the other half of the couple, they would have been very nice and chatty, aka hypocrites based on the OP because we now had something they were interested in.

[jdavisauto 73]

As for us when we go to the swingers club as a rule we play in the chair room. Most of the time we leave the door open for single males or couples to come in . This is in no way a invitation to join in but only to watch. She will then choose out of the people in the room who will fucked her. 90% of the time she will choose about 3 or 4 single males. We don’t always play with single males sometimes we want just couples or we don’t want nothing at all. Now single males who are pushy, disrespectful to me or my girlfriend or try to touch my lady without being invited have NO chance at all of playing with her. Also just because she says no now don’t mean that it will be no latter. She has in the past change a no to a yes. You see with us, you the single male are not only wanted but needed at times. And yes we do agree with most of the things you are saying. But not all couples feel that way about single males.

[CPL4XTCY 36]

1) Us couples often feel if a male can not find a GF/Wife to swing with, then thre is an issue with the single male. If no woman wants you, then there must be a problem.

 

2) Single males more often than not appear desperate and will fuck anything that lets them. With no standards who knows where your penis has been.

 

3) Looking for MF/MF play with a little FF thrown in for fun - you don't really fit the type while being single but if you had a feamle wiht you, you become a lot more attractive.

 

4) Is your wife at home and your out cheating? Swingers are very honest/open people, single guys tend to be not so truthful.

 

 

Just a few reasons why single males are typecast.

[jdavisauto 73]

1) Us couples often feel if a male can not find a GF/Wife to swing with, then thre is an issue with the single male. If no woman wants you, then there must be a problem.

 

2) Single males more often than not appear desperate and will fuck anything that lets them. With no standards who knows where your penis has been.

 

3) Looking for MF/MF play with a little FF thrown in for fun - you don't really fit the type while being single but if you had a feamle wiht you, you become a lot more attractive.

 

4) Is your wife at home and your out cheating? Swingers are very honest/open people, single guys tend to be not so truthful.

 

 

Just a few reasons why single males are typecast.

 

 

That damn well hit the nail right on the head and drove it right in. I and Charlene has talked about these very items many times in the past. That's why if we look at the fingers for a ring or a sign of a ring. His eyes to see if he will look at you in your eyes his actions around us. All these comes into play.

[SnowwwWhite 39]

But the self pity of single males will always fall on deaf ears to many of us, the majority of us, who really want nothing to do with them.

 

You see, that is a statement that's hard-hitting and direct. And it confirms my assumption about single males... based on A LOT of reading and researching. And yes, personal experience. Chicup, you told it like it is... did you get any nasty emails telling you to quit posting on the forums? I'll bet not.

 

Interesting how people can lament on the hypocrisy and rudeness of "SOME swingers" and then get rude and accusatory themselves and make things PERSONAL when they come across an opinion they don't like. Talk about hypocrisy.

 

Sorry, the truth hurts. If my post wasn't relevant and didn't have any foundation, it would have been ignored by the "anonymous person" who sent me the rude email and negative mark. Or maybe there would have been a rebuttal at best, which is typically what I've seen on this board when someone doesn't agree with an opinion. But in my line of work there's a standard truth about people reacting "passionately and negatively" to something they read, see, or hear. They only file complaints or take a negative action when it hits too close to home and exposes something that reflects on their reality. When something doesn't fit with reality and doesn't hit home, people ignore it because they assume everyone else realizes it's off the mark and there's no need to dignify it with a response.

 

In my industry it's actually a source of pride when someone feels so strongly about something you've written or created that they feel compelled to attack it. So if my posts have the occasional tendency to incite a riot, just realize it's been my entire career to find the truth in a situation and communicate it back to the consumer in a way that will compel them to action. You'd be surprised at who can get offended by the truth. A client of mine once received a "cease and desist" letter from a high-ranking official in the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services demanding that a national campaign I wrote be taken off the air.

 

That was the most effective campaign our client EVER ran. And no, we didn't pull it off the air. It was just a case of someone not liking the truth being out there and feeling really, really upset about it.

 

I still have that letter by the way. Not many people in my industry ever get that kind of ultimate validation. When the U.S. government wants you to keep your mouth shut, you KNOW you're doing something right.

 

So flame away! I've faced off against bigger fish.

[damayor 31]

Thanks to all those who've replied. I'd especially like to thank Lee and Tribbles who took the time to read what I said and not just take it as a single male attempting to get pity.

 

As far as the attractive/unattractive argument, was that even part of what I wrote? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...I happen to prefer larger women, I happen to prefer women who have a bit of a geeky side.

 

But that doesn't stop me, whether as a single or couple, from acting respectful of every new person I meet and welcoming them into the lifestyle (and no, this doesn't mean playing)

 

Some people replying seem to be under the impression that single guys are solely at a club to fuck. Well, here's a newsflash, there are some single males that "get it". I know that may shock some, but there are some out there that would like to be in the lifestyle with someone special, but just hasn't found that right one, so he chooses to go on his own instead of staying away.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Based on everything I've read in the forums and on the internet, and based on my experience researching local clubs, it appears that MOST couples and/or clubs are not welcoming of single men. Can't speak for everyone, but there must be a reason so many clubs don't allow them.

 

Actually, most clubs DO allow them. At best they limit the number of single men to maintain an even ratio so that they don't outnumber the couples (unless that is how they are set up or what is preferred - ie. Thad's or "Hot Wife" night at many clubs - wherein there is no limit to the single guys - because it is assumed that the couples who go there are looking for that). I haven't seen a club in a very long time that did not ALLOW single males at all.

 

As for the situation of the OP, you are a regular at a club and I'm assuming the issue you post about probably also arises from other regulars at the club. It would be a different issue if it was just that you were there alone last week and some random people ignored you and the next week different random people treating you like a human becuase you had a date. But, that's not the case, as I read it, we are talking about the SAME people treating you like crap one week and like gold the next week. That's not cool. This isn't a single guy issue, it's a respect issue. To me it's no different than if you came one week with an ugly chick and got ignored and came the next week with the hottest babe in the club and had to fight the couples off of you (the same couples both weeks).

 

I honestly, pay little attention to the single guys at the club we go to because that's not what we are looking for, but if I'm walking past I will smile, or if I'm in line next to I will say hello. I don't ignore them if they talk to me. That said, I just don't pay much attention so if the same single guy showed up the next week with a woman on his arm, I probably would give them more attention without ever realizing that it was the same single guy that I'd seen on the bar the week before. There could be some of this going on with you as well. But, if you are a regular and your complaint is against regulars chances are they've seen you enough to know your face, if they know nothing else about you and to recognize that you are typically a single guy...

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

I honestly, pay little attention to the single guys at the club we go to because that's not what we are looking for, but if I'm walking past I will smile, or if I'm in line next to I will say hello. I don't ignore them if they talk to me. That said, I just don't pay much attention so if the same single guy showed up the next week with a woman on his arm, I probably would give them more attention without ever realizing that it was the same single guy that I'd seen on the bar the week before. There could be some of this going on with you as well. But, if you are a regular and your complaint is against regulars chances are they've seen you enough to know your face, if they know nothing else about you and to recognize that you are typically a single guy...

This is what I said as well and since Julie mentioned it also and is a regular club goer with Pet, I've got to assume that this is how it is for many of us couples who aren't seeking single men; we focus our energy on couples when at the club.

 

damayor, you didn't tell us what exactly it is that's bugging you when you show up at the club by yourself. You've never mentioned people being rude, that's a word others have brought into this thread.

 

So what is it, are people rude - if so, how so - or are they just not paying the same attention to you when you show up single as compared to as a couple? There is a difference between getting less attention and people being rude.

 

LM

[damayor 31]

I can't cite any specific examples of this type of behavior. My original post was a observation over many years of swinging both as a single male and a couple.

 

I had just not found any board until recently where I can post this and get thoughtful and well written responses.

 

Once again, I appreciate everyone's opinion.

[Thrax 384]

I can’t remember ever being treated outright rudely at any of the local clubs I’ve gone to. On limited occasions I’ve gotten the wary look from some single females and couples, but usually people will at least nod, maybe smile, and sometimes start a conversation. I don’t expect every single female and couple to be interested in me, just as I’m not interested in many of them, but I treat them with civility and expect the same in return.

 

If I would show up at the club with a date I’m sure I might draw more interest. I think that’s natural given that the majority of swingers are swappers. But if someone had treated me rudely when I was at a club as a single male, and then started fawning over me and a date at another time, I would take great internal joy in -- politely and respectfully -- shutting them down.

 

Thrax

[K&JIntimates 66]

okay, Here's my two cents....

 

Damayor, your primary observation is the difference in how couples respond to you when you are with a date in comparison to being single. How they treat you as 'being the bottom of the swinger food chain' when you're alone. I'm going to interpret this as being rude. There is no excuse for rudeness unless the other person just doesn't get it once you've politely declined. (Prior experiences being null, not everyone is going to behave the same solely because of their attachment status.) A lack of attention or perhaps being ignored is another matter. In that case couples are not approaching because, as has been pointed out, they are looking for other couples. It has nothing to do with you personally that they didn't notice you before you had a date.

 

Personally I like the system at our club, Wed, Thurs, Fri open to everyone. Couples have the opportunity to seek out single males if that is what they desire to do. Saturday is couples only, gives those that are strictly looking for couple and single fems (cause single fems have no restrictions) a night of their own, Sunday is couples and select single males. Seems like that is fair for everyone. You can't control people's behavior, you just have to hope that everyone treats everyone else with respect, couple or no. However, if you're a couple and you don't want to be bothered or 'annoyed' by single males don't go to the club on the nights they will be there. (that's my 2 cents on our local area)

[two42lovers 273]

Interesting damayor has not said anyone behaved rudely - even when he was asked point blank...

 

We gotta ask, what hypocrisy?

 

You are solo, and they are not interested in solos, so they behave as if they are not interested. Then you show up as a couple, and they are interested and let you know it. Why is that hypocritical? You say it's because both halves of the couple want your woman. (lol!) You may want to re-think that (or not - it's all good.)

 

There are a lot of full swap couples. A lot. Every couple we have played with is a couple -lol- it's actually really common. Just because you are a couple doesn't mean much - if we are going to play it's all about chemistry.

[SnowwwWhite 39]

Actually, most clubs DO allow them. At best they limit the number of single men to maintain an even ratio so that they don't outnumber the couples

 

I have to admit that my experience comes from researching the clubs in my area and all of them explicitly say "no single males." When I RSVP'd for a lingerie night party and asked if I could bring two guys with me, the organizers were very reluctant. After a few days deliberation they eventually said it would be okay since it was my first time and they wanted me to be comfortable. I've also seen numerous references to women being used as "a ticket" to help men get into clubs and parties, and the resentment from couples when single men come with someone who's not a "real" partner. From all of this and many forum comments I've read, it seems to me that most, or at least many couples do not want to deal with single males.

 

The irony of my original post being hammered is that I actually would LIKE to see single males!!! And me personally I would never be rude or ignore someone I know if I see them in public. My first paragraph was intended to be critical of couples who "don't have the class" to acknowledge someone regardless of whether they approve of them not being with a partner. A couple of people went down pretty hard on me for simply having an opinion about the single male's position (which was based on information from a lot of forums, dating sites, and swinger's club web sites.)

 

I just saw the situation from a different perspective and merely communicated my surprise that the OP didn't "get" why he was being snubbed.

 

But all in all this has been a great thread and very enlightening. I just wish certain people would refrain from making things personal when they don't like someone's opinion.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I've also seen numerous references to women being used as "a ticket" to help men get into clubs and parties,

 

Even at the clubs where single men are allowed, the use of single females as tickets is still very common for exactly the reason of this original post. By adding a female to the mix a single male becomes a couple and then becomes attractive to a much higher percentage of the population. There are many couples who are open to MFM, however a large percentage of those couples are also interested in couples... so a couple at a club is going to have a better chance of meeting people and being interesting to other couples than a single guy will ever have.

 

Take numbers (and I'm pulling these out of my ass). But if you are at a club with say 20 single guys and 200 couples. Out of those 100 couples, maybe 50 of them are seriously interested in playing (if you're lucky). Out of those 50, maybe 5 are interested in ONLY single males, with another 10 interested in both couples and single males (depending on what strikes their fancy). So you've got 15 couples that MIGHT be interested in single men, but 20 single men to fill those 15 slots... now let's get real, out of those 20, 5 are going to be guys who actually GET IT and therefore are guys that those 15 might be interested in... so the other 15 guys are going to be fighting for any attention at all.

 

Couples who want single guys have no trouble finding them at all, whether at a club or elsewhere. As the OP has stated it's not about people being rude to him, it's just that he's noticed a difference in the way that he's treated when he's alone vs when he's there as a couple. From what I gathered from his response, it's not specific actions just the way he feels, which tells me that it's probably not anyone being rude to him, or shoving him aside or even necessarily people going out of their way to ignore him when he's alone but doing quite the opposite when he's there as a couple. As a couple he is more attractive than he is as a single to a higher percentage of the people there (not only does he suddenly become attractive to other couples who are there, but even to other single males that are there). Is it because they all just want the woman he is with? In some cases, perhaps, but in general, I doubt that is the case. The other couples are most likely actually interested in both of them (I know that for us as a couple, we play with other couples where we are BOTH attracted to them - him to the girl and me to the guy, if I'm also attracted to the girl all the better). Just because a couple is not attracted to him ALONE does not mean that he is not attractive just that the couples are not looking for and therefore attracted to single guy.

 

and the resentment from couples when single men come with someone who's not a "real" partner.

 

This is also not really a single guy issue, but more an issue of most couples preferring other couples who are in committed relationships because it reduces the possibility of drama they encounter. Add to that that when you are dealing with a "couple" that is not really a couple showing up at a club, you are more likely to have issues with them splitting up and therefore causing other issues. If they show up together, play together and act like a couple, I doubt anyone would notice or care. But, when you show up as a couple then split up and become two singles, you have decieved everyone and it's the beginning of drama.

[SnowwwWhite 39]

Great post, Julie. Well said!

 

Just to clarify my thoughts, another poster in this forum insinuated that my original response said it was okay for couples to be rude to single guys and he said something like 'anyone with that attitude doesn't belong in the lifestyle.' I just wanted to clear it up that I don't think it's right for anyone to be rude to anyone... and that I was just surprised that the OP couldn't see why he was being shunned on nights when he was single.

 

I'm glad you wrote what you wrote because I think it sums things up really well.

[Malachista 170]

Oh, single guys aren't the only ones that get threated rude by some couples.

I once got to meet a couple that got pretty nasty after I told them that I'm not interrested in FMF, but two hours later after I got to play with a single male they desperatley wanted to nudge in and swap.

This was very WTF-y as well as insulting to my attention span.

 

I also think that one should have the pride to turn people down who are first rude to you, but then are suddently interrested when you fall into their prey circle.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Thanks to all those who've replied. I'd especially like to thank Lee and Tribbles who took the time to read what I said and not just take it as a single male attempting to get pity.

No pity here . We like to think of ourselves as equal opportunity swingers

 

As far as the attractive/unattractive argument, was that even part of what I wrote? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...I happen to prefer larger women, I happen to prefer women who have a bit of a geeky side.

Now see, it seems you do just like us. Except for being solo at times. But still, you go with hopes of what you have in mind. But then again sometimes things either change, from finding the one or ones throughout the evening. Or, something or someone unplanned just fortunatly..... Happens!

 

But that doesn't stop me, whether as a single or couple, from acting respectful of every new person I meet and welcoming them into the lifestyle (and no, this doesn't mean playing)

Its all good !

 

Some people replying seem to be under the impression that single guys are solely at a club to fuck. Well, here's a newsflash, there are some single males that "get it". I know that may shock some, but there are some out there that would like to be in the lifestyle with someone special, but just hasn't found that right one, so he chooses to go on his own instead of staying away.

I hate to give a news flash back. But, the last guy we played with has been in the lifestyle probably longer than you have. His partners have great things to say about him as well. How cool, we may encounter him with one of his partners sometime. A full swap. The thing is, we met him solely on the fact that he did want to fuck. At a moments short notice too.

 

So thats why I kind of followed your thread. I cant say he thought of us as hypocrites. I mean come on, we don't always pursue single males, single females or couples... We change from time to time. What we do is, talk about what we want for our fun time out. We are not for or against anything, we just have something that is at the top of our agenda for our time out. We are limited sometimes..... We cant do it all in a night out ya know.

 

I would think meeting you at a club might be an enjoyable conversation. If you strike Mrs.funs interests you may be invited to join us. But if not, Would you think we are hypocrites ? I would hope not ! We may encounter a couple that turns us down. It does happen, because they had their agenda. Maybe they were looking for a certain kind of couple or single, and we just didn't fit their bill. For what ever reasons.

 

Honestly, just like us, sometimes we have found that we miss opportunity because we let the general crowd or atmosphere, steer us away from the one or ones that are interested. I hate to say it, but if we sensed your feelings of judging us as hypocrits..... We might have just walked on by.

 

Hang in there, don't miss people like us, because the people like you are judging, are in the way .

[3sumff 31]

As a couple, this is why when we go to a party where "single males" are on the ticket we usually don't attend. Nothing against the single guys! Actually, we are open to the thought of MFM, but we have to be in the mood. Anyways!

In regards to couples throwing looks of disgust at single males. Remember what you signed up for. I am sure you have an idea of who will be attending the party. Simply don't go if you know there are going to be a lot of single guys attending. Saves everyone the headache of accusing anyone of hypocrisy.

[tribbles 490]

The way I've seen single males treated when single vs when with a female---

 

I've seen couples not even smile, much less say "how ya doing?" to the single guys. They move as far away as possible and even if all anyone is doing, is sitting around socializing and chatting about pets or work or traffic....they do not respond to any comments the single males make. But they interact with other couples while sitting in the same area where everyone is part of the ongoing conversation.

 

Then the single guys shows up with a gal. And all of a sudden these same couples care about how the traffic on the drive to the club was....or the weather....or whatever the topic happens to be is.....with lots of eye contact with the female the guy is with.

 

Talking about the weather or traffic with a single guy in a group setting anytime in an evening does not equal playing with the guy later. (Nor does it mean the couples who chatted about traffic are going to swap....right?)

 

So there is my example of rude.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Swinging has revolved around the woman. You got one, you are swinging. If you don't you are single. You want my woman, I want yours. If she only wants two a single then you are the lucky one.

 

Sooner or later everyone is "rude" at some point. It's part of life.

[arvcpl 16]

I go to the Porsche club meetings to talk to other Porsche owners because I'm interested in how they care for their cars, where the good parts prices are, and (rarely) to share a ride in each other's cars, if we're well acquainted.

 

If some gentleman shows up in a pickup truck and wants to talk about how the Dodge Ram is better than the Ford F-150, We'll be friendly but the Porsche owners won't spend much time talking with him.

 

If he drives in next month in a concourse 928S, he'll get all kinds of attention and so will his car.

 

What's not to understand?

 

Mr. Alura

 

Here's a better analogy, let's say you love Harleys and you love riding them but you don't own one yourself. If you went to a biker bar and were trying to ride other peoples how well do you think that would go over?

 

Now out of the 100 bikers that are in the bar maybe 3 or 4 would actually enjoy the attention you are paying to their bike and wouldn't mind taking you for a ride on the back of theirs (sharing) for a little spin and would enjoy the company and diversion.

 

And if you were really nice and hit it off and were showing yourself as sincere and genuine and were a respectfull and responsible person maybe 1 or 2 of those original 3 or 4 would let you take their bike for a spin on your own. But the other 95 would probably rather spit in your eye than let you touch their bike. I don't see this is as being any different in the lifestyle.

 

If you have been in the lifestyle this long you should already understand this and accept it. If I went to a club without my wife I would fully expect that I would be treated differently and I would accept it. I would also understand that even people we consider close lifestyle friends that we have played with regularly will treat me differently. That may not be right or rosey but it's the reality.

 

There would probably also be a few people that would come on to me that wouldn't give me the time of day if I was there with my wife also. It's all about preferences and the vast majority of people in the lifestyle prefer couples or single fems.

 

If you want to be a biker step #1 is GET A BIKE!