Is sex visual?

[widowerman 55]

OK, I have two serious questions.

 

Is sex 90% visual? As in, the object of your affection has to be great looking, good looking, somewhat good looking, who the hell is looking?

 

Second, question: would you have sex with just about anything that is available?

Second question, part B: And if you do, why?

[des1re06 200]

Is sex 90% visual? As in, the object of your affection has to be great looking, good looking, somewhat good looking, who the hell is looking?

 

There's definitely a "look" that I typically am attracted to. Males - bald; females - long hair and well groomed. So, good looking would fit, I guess. Personality goes a long way for me.

 

Second, question: would you have sex with just about anything that is available? Definitely not. We were at a house party just this weekend, and there were many available men (at least 30), and I only picked 1. I'm a picky slut.

 

Second question, part B: And if you do, why?

[widowerman 55]

Is sex 90% visual? As in, the object of your affection has to be great looking, good looking, somewhat good looking, who the hell is looking?

 

There's definitely a "look" that I typically am attracted to. Males - bald; females - long hair and well groomed. So, good looking would fit, I guess. Personality goes a long way for me.

 

Second, question: would you have sex with just about anything that is available? Definitely not. We were at a house party just this weekend, and there were many available men (at least 30), and I only picked 1. I'm a picky slut.

 

Second question, part B: And if you do, why?

 

Yeah, I’m getting like that now also. I am becoming very picky with the women. I mean some should really start hitting the salad bar and treadmill instead of the steak and TV remote.

 

Thanks for the feedback!

[sexcupid 809]

Is sex 90% visual? As in, the object of your affection has to be great looking, good looking, somewhat good looking, who the hell is looking?

 

No, for me it isn't really 90% visual. But then again, we all have our definition of great/good/ok looking...if we go by the societal definition of good looking/hot...then definitely no. Some men that I have been exceptionally attracted to, if looking in for a more objective angle I have thought 'Well he's not quite GQ material (traditionally handsome)...but I think he's the hottest ticket out there.' So it's all subjective.

 

I'll use Jeff as an example of what I mean. And I don't say these things to be mean...and God knows I have plenty of my own that I could work on...but this is just for the sake of arguement here. He's mid-40s, lots of grey hair that has a spot that's thinning, has what I call 'man belly' that plenty of men his age have, can come across as an arrogant ass at times. Well, if I think about it that way (ie possibly the way someone who isn't smitten with him) then of course he doesn't sound particuarly attractive. But I guess most of the time that's now how I see him. He's not drop dead gorgeous, but he's certainly not a 'omg, I hope no one I know sees me with this guy'.

 

And there have been some playmates that just had that certain something about them. Again, not societally handsome/good looking...but they were undeniably hot to me.

 

Second, question: would you have sex with just about anything that is available?

 

No.

[olycouple 62]

I think with strangers or "near strangers" it IS pretty darn visual. I mean...I wouldn't walk up to someone I didn't know in a bar and hit on them if I didn't think they were attractive in the first place. Now, with people I know or am even friends with, I agree that personality goes a long way (both negatively and positively). I've know some sexy people who I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole because they were rotten or completely unintelligent. But, I've also had the "beast" factor occur...where once you know them well, the outside sort of slips away. Besides, I tend to pick up on quirky physical attributes and fall in love with them. Sometimes our "faults" are our best assets when combined with our personality.

 

So, yes and no to your question.

[WeUse 120]

There is a body of scientific evidence (at least stories/positions taken my medical expert witnesses at trials) that for me, the sense of smell is often the first trigger (even before sight and touch) to getting in the mood. That argument was advanced in a case where a 40s something engineer ran his mountain bike straight into a concrete wall (allegedly due to a defect with the bicycle) causing his head to come to an abrupt stop, whereupon the brain slushed forward thereby severing the olfactory nerves that protrude up from the nose through the base of the skull. As a result, he lost all sense of smell, and along with it his libido.

 

To a jury of one's so-called peers (at least the 34 year old actress wife's peers), what do you think the "loss of the husband's libido" was worth in terms of a damages award?

 

And, does this contribute to an answer? For me, the sense of touch is more significant, but it all depends on the circumstances. The caress of a hand from another fellow's wife on the inside of my thigh at a dinner table in a fine restaurant, conjures something up every time, but then so does a sexy check at the bar going commando style -- especially if I can see from my table that she is occasionally stroking herself.

[widowerman 55]

There is a body of scientific evidence (at least stories/positions taken my medical expert witnesses at trials) that for me, the sense of smell is often the first trigger (even before sight and touch) to getting in the mood. That argument was advanced in a case where a 40s something engineer ran his mountain bike straight into a concrete wall (allegedly due to a defect with the bicycle) causing his head to come to an abrupt stop, whereupon the brain slushed forward thereby severing the olfactory nerves that protrude up from the nose through the base of the skull. As a result, he lost all sense of smell, and along with it his libido.

 

To a jury of one's so-called peers (at least the 34 year old actress wife's peers), what do you think the "loss of the husband's libido" was worth in terms of a damages award?

 

And, does this contribute to an answer? For me, the sense of touch is more significant, but it all depends on the circumstances. The caress of a hand from another fellow's wife on the inside of my thigh at a dinner table in a fine restaurant, conjures something up every time, but then so does a sexy check at the bar going commando style -- especially if I can see from my table that she is occasionally stroking herself.

 

That is an interesting theory as well as an insight. This brings out another important theme. Even if you were blind, could you enjoy someone’s touch only? Eventually you are going to let your fingers do the walking and even though you cannot see a face, you can easily make out body features. Will that turn you off if suddenly you discover that this person is differently portioned, aka they have too little body fat or too much body fat?

 

We have all heard of the “darkroom” scenario such as the room is completely dark and full of people. Everyone is touching everyone else and even there you can make out body shapes. Alternatively, you see everyone before the lights go out so you have an idea what is in there with you. You see beautiful people, and not so beautiful people. Would you be turned on or turned off? On the other hand, is sex, just sex?

[realcplub2 513]

OK, I have two serious questions.

 

Is sex 90% visual? As in, the object of your affection has to be great looking, good looking, somewhat good looking, who the hell is looking?

 

Second, question: would you have sex with just about anything that is available?

Second question, part B: And if you do, why?

 

 

Ok.. Since you asked, let me ask... If you are a VISUAL person.. What do you do in the dead of night.. Y'know, in the DARK?

 

As far as what we find appealing, Sure looks are great, a shape is nice, but, what turns us on is two OTHER things.. How much of a PERSONALITY the person has.. Second, to be honest, Ability to get beyond the regular.. In other words, to be open and honest about SEX and what they are into/might be into/wanna try..

 

Part 2, No.. it takes more than a stiff cock or wet pussy to get us in the MOOD..

 

As far as the second QUESTION, everyone here who has been online for more than 6 months has had the IM, Email or standard message, looking to HOOK UP in an HOUR, Tonight, ECT.. and lets be honest, How many actually consider heading out the door for that?

[ownerspet 506]

Is sex 90% visual? As in, the object of your affection has to be great looking, good looking, somewhat good looking, who the hell is looking?

I'm not going to try to speak for women, but I know men are more visual than women. However, I beleive for myself there has to be a level of attraction or I just don't want to and, and even if I did I couldn't get excited.

 

However, there are 2 things that add up to that level of attraction: 1. Is obviously physical attraction, but 2. is what comes accross in someone's personality in how a woman carries herself and interacts.

 

Second, question: would you have sex with just about anything that is available?

Odd, it seems that some newbies and/or vanilla people think that because I'm a swinger I will do anything. That couldn't be further from the truth. Me and my wife are selective, and we find that we don't have to settle for people that we aren't attracted to in order to play. That would sort of be counter-productive to our main goal in living life, "Enjoy Life."

 

Second question, part B: And if you do, why?

Well, I don't so I don't know why. I'd be interested in seeing if there are any individuals that will speak up that will have sex with anything that is available.

[widowerman 55]

Ok.. Since you asked, let me ask... If you are a VISUAL person.. What do you do in the dead of night.. Y'know, in the DARK?

 

As far as what we find appealing, Sure looks are great, a shape is nice, but, what turns us on is two OTHER things.. How much of a PERSONALITY the person has.. Second, to be honest, Ability to get beyond the regular.. In other words, to be open and honest about SEX and what they are into/might be into/wanna try..

 

Part 2, No.. it takes more than a stiff cock or wet pussy to get us in the MOOD..

 

As far as the second QUESTION, everyone here who has been online for more than 6 months has had the IM, Email or standard message, looking to HOOK UP in an HOUR, Tonight, ECT.. and lets be honest, How many actually consider heading out the door for that?

 

When I say visual, I mean as a generalization of everything we see. It could be a fancy car, a woman, a man, and even a work of art. I do not understand your question, “What do you do in the dead of night. Y’know, in the DARK?”

Are you asking do I fantasize? I may very well; however, I am a sleep I have no idea. Do I wake up with a hard on? Yes. Not always, I am human.

 

I did find it interesting that you do admit looks are great, a shape is nice and then begin the personality test. However, how can looks alone perceive a personality? You first see someone and then you talk to him or her, if there is some sort of attraction. I am not forming opinions at all. I am more inclined to have this as an honest poll, a question and answer period.

 

So far, I can see that people are genuinely honest that visual impact is a key.

Like you stated and in my paraphrased way, we all seem to look at that fast looking sports car, even when it is standing still. We like the sweeping lines and the general toughness the car exhibits. The car could be a lemon, but we all still look at it. And we fantasize.

 

Here is a quick story. I met two women at a motel party a few months ago. They wanted to get back into swinging so they joined in the party. However, when they saw the pickings, saw me, and looked at the pickings once more, they bolted for the door with me in tow. They later admitted that sex is 90% visual. I do not have to draw you picture. I just state facts. And this is where I ask everyone in a open honest way, “Is sex 90% visual?”

 

I am forming the opinion that looks do carry the day.

Newbie or otherwise.

[widowerman 55]

I'm not going to try to speak for women, but I know men are more visual than women. However, I beleive for myself there has to be a level of attraction or I just don't want to and, and even if I did I couldn't get excited.

 

However, there are 2 things that add up to that level of attraction: 1. Is obviously physical attraction, but 2. is what comes accross in someone's personality in how a woman carries herself and interacts.

 

 

Odd, it seems that some newbies and/or vanilla people think that because I'm a swinger I will do anything. That couldn't be further from the truth. Me and my wife are selective, and we find that we don't have to settle for people that we aren't attracted to in order to play. That would sort of be counter-productive to our main goal in living life, "Enjoy Life."

 

 

Well, I don't so I don't know why. I'd be interested in seeing if there are any individuals that will speak up that will have sex with anything that is available.

 

 

As for men are more visual then women, see my last post.

 

As for doing anyone, I have been to a few parties and I just shake my head. I have to admit, almost all of the men will seek out the most “attractive” woman to have sex with. And when they can’t fit in, they go to second best, and then third and then, so forth and so on down the line. I personally cannot do it. I just watch human nature unfold in front of me, and take anthropology notes. Hey, it’s just like high school all over again!

Now all we need is Disney to make it a musical.

 

Accept my apologies in advance, for I know I am a lighting rod to criticism. I just needed to know some real truths out there.

[WesternSwing 504]

For me sex is 50% visual and 50% mental. I'm first visually attracted to someone, but as I get to know them who they are will make or break the deal. When I was younger it would have been anything I was attracted to visually. But these days there just has to be more.

 

Mr. WS

[lustylearning 705]

Absent conversation, I imagine looks would carry a lot of weight. Throw in some personality, witty repartee, and the dynamics change. There are plenty of intelligent, sexy people who lose out to their more attractive counterparts because they do not bother to socialize.

 

That second question seems to be more of a disgusted perception, rather than a genuine inquiry. There is no reality that will apply to all. You cannot garner ultimate truth from a "yes" or "no" response, though you may find others who think like you.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

As for doing anyone, I have been to a few parties and I just shake my head. I have to admit, almost all of the men will seek out the most “attractive” woman to have sex with. And when they can’t fit in, they go to second best, and then third and then, so forth and so on down the line.

Thats not what I see at swinger parties at all .

That sounds more like what I would see at a vanilla bar with a group of single work buddies shootin pool. That would be more of the hound dog attitude.

 

I personally cannot do it.

What do you mean by that ?

I just watch human nature unfold in front of me, and take anthropology notes. Hey, it’s just like high school all over again!

Now all we need is Disney to make it a musical.

 

Swinging with mature couples is nothing like high school. I think your missing something here.... Is that how you see it ?

 

Accept my apologies in advance, for I know I am a lighting rod to criticism. I just needed to know some real truths out there.

We can work with that

[widowerman 55]

For me sex is 50% visual and 50% mental. I'm first visually attracted to someone, but as I get to know them who they are will make or break the deal. When I was younger it would have been anything I was attracted to visually. But these days there just has to be more.

 

Mr. WS

 

But you do see it first. Just like, I asked. First, it is a visual clue and then it is the talking. I still say, it is just like high school.

 

By the way, a general question to the public; have you ever turned someone down because they were just not “your type”?

And then hook up with someone else at the same meeting, whether it is a party or club almost right in front of the person you turned down?

[lustylearning 705]

But you do see it first. Just like, I asked. First, it is a visual clue and then it is the talking. I still say, it is just like high school.

 

I believe you asked if it was 90% visual, which is different from asking whether or not physical attraction plays a part in choice of sexual partners.

 

By the way, a general question to the public; have you ever turned someone down because they were just not “your type”?

And then hook up with someone else at the same meeting, whether it is a party or club almost right in front of the person you turned down?

 

That's an interesting question. Are you implying, by asking it, that if you're not interested in playing with someone, that you should hide your interest in playing with someone else because the person you are not interested in playing with may note it?

[Chicup 41]

The conventional wisdom is that men are more visually stimulated with sex than women are.

 

I think this is, in general, a true statement in most circumstances. Women look for status, power, wealth, or attributes which can lead to such things such as intelligence, confidence, charisma. This is basic and genetically driven. Before someone tells me they only like weak poor shy men and married one just like that, these are just general trends. Like all trends there will be people on the ends of the spectrum. Its not that mens looks don't matter, but they are secondary.

 

Men look for youth and beauty first and foremost. This is then followed by other traits which tend to rate of a lower importance. I think this does lead to a rather amusing karma when very wealthy and powerful men marry the very attractive, but maybe not so bright woman and then wonder why their kids are such losers, forgetting their kids are 50% her. Again this is a trend, maybe you only go for ugly old women with multiple PhD's, but as a rule this is rather obvious.

 

Somewhere along those lines we tend to find people 'our level', end up getting married and hopefully are happy.

 

This is 'normal' life, normal dating, normal behavior for long term relationships.

 

Swinging is different, well kinda.

 

For the men, its pretty much the same. Men want youth, men want beauty, men want HOT. You can get into 'types' and the like, but it doesn't take a lot of effort to see what women would be the most popular at a given event. Yes personality does matter, but really good looks can make up for a lot of bad personality generally easier than the other way around. Yes we all have personal examples again where the girl you didn't find attractive had such a great personality etc but trends.

 

For the women, I think it changes a bit. Women are not looking for a long term relationship in swinging, women are looking for a fuck toy. Liking the guy is fine, having a good personality is fine, but they don't have time to find out his inner strengths, and it really doesn't matter to them much either. Looks are more important than in 'real life'.

 

I keep bringing up that this isn't how everyone swings/rate partners, mostly because in the past people will take their exception to the rule as the rule. Just because maybe you as a male only care about a womans personality or you as a woman only care about looks, it doesn't change the trends which are obvious in society.

 

On a personal note, the focus on looks in swinging by the women is why I've been hitting the weight bench and dropping the love handles. If I want to have sex with women I find sexually attractive, I need to be physically attractive to them as well.

[widowerman 55]

On a personal note, the focus on looks in swinging by the women is why I've been hitting the weight bench and dropping the love handles. If I want to have sex with women I find sexually attractive, I need to be physically attractive to them as well.

 

That is an interesting point you bring up. Now I have a follow up; since you admit what most if not all of us have been thinking anyway, how do any of you folks handle a situation where you are the object of desire and the person who wants to hook up briefly with you cannot because he or she has rules with their partner?

 

I know this is that drama thing mentioned on other forums. However, I believe it does fit in here. I personally have been told that I am off limits because of my status on multiple occasions by women. They want to have sex with me, or even to talk to me just in general, however, they live by and obey their rules with their partners. This translates into that jealousy factor.

 

Now, on many occasions I will have a partner that I do couple up with when we go to some parties. And even there, if she, my partner is not attractive enough for the male, we get turned down. As the party moves on, I will then be approached by the female who we were attracted to and she will admit she would have sex with me in a heartbeat, if only her male partner had something in it for him. So, Ken and Barbie are alive and well in swingland USA.

 

Now that is a phenomenon I find interesting for swingers. I do observe the rules, of others. I, on the other hand, have no rules.

 

Do any of you have rules on swinging? Would you prevent your partner from having a good time because there is nothing for you to gain? I will allow my partner to have sex with whomever she wants. It is her right as well as her desire. Does that make me uncomfortable with her activities? No. This is swinging to me. On a personal note, my lady friend with benefits hides the fact that she has had on occasions, had sex. I ask her in a general direct way and she comes out in a round about way that she has had sex when I was not around. Duh, this does not bother me in the least. I do not have drama queen moments. Her, on the other hand, will rear her head in the awful green monster of jealousy if I told her that I found a women attractive enough to have sex with. She is insecure, while I feel very secure. It is all about the eye candy appeal. I can pass myself off as eye candy when need be. I hit the treadmill, the weight bench; even try to read up on current events to have my own opinions. I just do not like the jealousy factor baggage that comes along on too many occasions. That is not what swinging is about, to me anyway.

I think I see that crack of lighting well in advance of it striking me on the criticism trail. So be it.

 

BTW, Chicup, I like your style and your concern on being eye candy for the ladies. That is what this is all about, and that is exactly what is on this very site for multiple advertisements. Not many will admit to it, but sex is about bragging rights on the hot number that was bagged. Just look at the pop up ads right here. Do you see “normal” folks having sex or do you see Ken and Barbie, and Barbie’s friend, Stacy, having sex?

 

I still stand by my views; sex is 90% visual.

 

p.s. Please pardon the unintentional pun.

[WeUse 120]

There are some really great posts here!

 

Now for the academic:

 

A few evenings ago, I saw a documentary on the Discovery channel that addresses this question. British scientists from various disciplines, e.g., psychology, anthropology (physical & cultural), a psychiatrist, and an assortment of sociologists, computer graphics guys and some “dating specialists”. Their objective was to prove the scientific basis for “computer dating”.

 

Their first question was whether physical attraction visual, and what does this mean? To do this, they began by convening their study group of ??? single males and females in their mid-20's to early 30's (each person individually) to conjure up what the “perfect” specimen of the opposite sex would look like. A male and female computer composite was made of 3-D images that modified during the show, e.g. larger breast, smaller breast, etc.

 

They began by assuming that since long-term married couples often resemble each other in facial structure/appearance, that people of like kind facial structure would be attracted to each other. I was fascinated with the “facial identification” program they used to take face shots of 30 males and 30 females in their “test group” and employ graphic overlays (measures lines, angles, relationships between say the left eye brow and the chin, etc.), to bring out the differences and similarities. Four out of the 30 couples were nearly identical matches. Several rounds “speed dating” with each participant equipped with an “attraction meter” were used to test their theories.

 

Bottom line:

 

* Nobody wants to have sex with their sibling so the “similar face” idea is out.

 

*Women are most (and initially) attracted to guys who are taller than they are (and as a matter of fashion on this British film, curly hair seems to prevail over buzz cuts or long hair).

 

*Men (and to a much lesser extent, women) were attracted by the ratio between the waist line and the hip line. The anthropologist said that because historically that ratio is the biggest single factor indicating fertility, which, from an anthropological standpoint, drives sex appeal.

 

*In the initial first few rounds of speed dating, not ONE person gave thought to their fundamental “compatibility quotient”. - - After 3 months, only to of the couples were “friends only” and after something like six months, none of them had contact with any other participants.

 

My interpretation: Is sex visual? - Absolutely!

 

What about people who are blind? I suppose there may be a niche for blind GYOBs or urologists? How would a blind urologist “see” how acute a patients ED was? (Sounds like the making of a joke!)

 

[seriously, I would not have posted anything this long, except there appears to be genuine interest in this subject. That was a good show if you can fine it. I'd be interested in knowing its name/title so I could find it again in the library. It may have been on BBC]]

[sexcupid 809]

I personally have been told that I am off limits because of my status on multiple occasions by women. They want to have sex with me, or even to talk to me just in general, however, they live by and obey their rules with their partners. This translates into that jealousy factor.

 

I will have to disagree here. We primarily look for couples to play with, and if we show up at an event and there is a guy that I think is attractive...but is there as a SM...then I move on. Because I think my sweetie is jealous? Hardly...he's quite the voyeur and would probably love to watch/join in. But that's not what we are there for.

 

We are looking to find other couples to swap with so we both play. Otherwise play time would be very lopsided...not necessarily keeping score. But say everytime we go to a party/club and people just want to borrow him and I'm getting no play time...well that wouldn't be any fun for me after a while and I don't imagine it would be much fun for him in the opposite scenario.

 

We're in this to have a good time together...if we wanted to play alone all the time what would be the point of this? We could just open the relationship and do our own thing.

[sweet_tna 680]

Is sex 90% visual? As in, the object of your affection has to be great looking, good looking, somewhat good looking, who the hell is looking?

 

For me, no. Yes, a physical attraction is the initial draw. But there has to be something beyond that (personality/chemistry) for me to maintain any interest.

 

During the sex itself, I would still say it's not all visual. It's 90% tactile--what I feel when I touch my partner, and how I feel when my partner touches me. Sounds and visuals make up the rest of the equation.

 

Second, question: would you have sex with just about anything that is available?

 

NO. Absolutely not. Even if I'm horny as hell, and am dying to get laid and no one else seems interested . . . so what? I go home with my honey, and still have a great night.

 

=)

[LFM2 1,482]

For me, no, sex isn't that visual. Maybe 30%. It takes me 10 seconds at most to see if the guy is acceptable. By acceptable, I mean, hygienic, does he have teeth, does he have kind eyes, and is his smile nice? Body shape is not an issue. I'm drawn more toward bigger men. Call me weird, but six-packs do nothing for me. I'm drawn more towards personality, confidence (don't confuse that with arrogance, which is a total turnoff) and intelligence. It takes me 10 minutes to know if we mesh. This goes the same with couples.

 

As for your second question -- absolutely not. There isn't a chance in hell I'm going to fuck someone just because I'm horny. To borrow sweet_tna's line, "I go home with my honey, and still have a great night".

[good times 991]

Hmm, hard question to answer because it really depends on what point we are in the relationship to me.

 

Initially, physical attraction is what I go by 100% of the time. In other words, if I am not physically attracted to a woman, nothing further of a sexual nature is going to happen. After that though, I couldn't put a percentage figure on how much of a role physical attraction plays for me. I have met many women that I was initially attracted to that my attraction went to zero after talking with them for a few minutes. On the other hand, I don't ever recall a time that a woman I wasn't initially attracted to was able talk herself into being physically attractive to me.

[widowerman 55]

Well, I say this much, I really must have hit a nerve.

Personally, I want to thank each and everyone for the total support of this study.

The data keeps pouring in and we are discovering some truths about what is out there.

Good dialog, keep it up.

 

And thank you, each and everyone of you!

 

Widowerman

[Chicup 41]

That is an interesting point you bring up. Now I have a follow up; since you admit what most if not all of us have been thinking anyway, how do any of you folks handle a situation where you are the object of desire and the person who wants to hook up briefly with you cannot because he or she has rules with their partner?

 

I know this is that drama thing mentioned on other forums. However, I believe it does fit in here. I personally have been told that I am off limits because of my status on multiple occasions by women. They want to have sex with me, or even to talk to me just in general, however, they live by and obey their rules with their partners. This translates into that jealousy factor.

 

True story. My wife has the choice of an MFM or a 4 some this weekend. Its the same guy either way, and I asked her which she would rather have. She would rather have the foursome, and thats with no female bi activities, so thats not the issue. As a couple we like foursomes better, and thats not related to jealousy. Honestly I'd rather have a 4some than a FMF, the dynamics just work better for us.

 

Now I'm sure jealousy is an issue for some, but our rules are we both play or neither play. Our 3somes are with selected long time friends we have played with as couples before only.

 

Finally, and this doesn't make me popular with the singles crowd, but really I have to wonder whats up with most singles in the lifestyle. I wonder 'why' they are single, why they choose this lifestyle where at least males are not wanted by so many, and quite frankly whats wrong with them. Rather than find out who is well adjusted we would rather just avoid the lot and that includes single females.

 

Now, on many occasions I will have a partner that I do couple up with when we go to some parties. And even there, if she, my partner is not attractive enough for the male, we get turned down. As the party moves on, I will then be approached by the female who we were attracted to and she will admit she would have sex with me in a heartbeat, if only her male partner had something in it for him. So, Ken and Barbie are alive and well in swingland USA.

 

This sounds a bit like bitter single male pity here. If the guy doesn't want to have sex with your partner, you will be turned down. Just as you wouldn't approach a couple where you had no interest in the female. This isn't only ken and barbies its just sex in general.

 

Now that is a phenomenon I find interesting for swingers. I do observe the rules, of others. I, on the other hand, have no rules.

 

You are a single male, what rules would you set on your limits? I have no rules for me, I do what I want, my wife on the other hand has some things she isn't comfortable with me doing, and those are 'my rules', its part of why singles and couples are different in swinging.

 

Do any of you have rules on swinging? Would you prevent your partner from having a good time because there is nothing for you to gain?

 

If we are both not having a good time, neither of us are having a good time. She is not happy if I'm ignored, I'm not happy if she is, as such this really isn't the issue even though to an outsider it may look like shes not playing just because there is nothing for me to gain. Its not me refusing as much as she refusing to leave me in the lurch for her own pleasure.

 

 

 

BTW, Chicup, I like your style and your concern on being eye candy for the ladies. That is what this is all about, and that is exactly what is on this very site for multiple advertisements. Not many will admit to it, but sex is about bragging rights on the hot number that was bagged. Just look at the pop up ads right here. Do you see “normal” folks having sex or do you see Ken and Barbie, and Barbie’s friend, Stacy, having sex?

 

Occasionally I've seen some adds where the people involved are not very attractive for the swingers sites but over all you are correct in that the adds are about that. That being said MY desire to look better is related to what I am attracted to sexually, and for those women it helps if I'm better looking myself. Were I to change my strike zone a bit, I could have a lot more play partners, but for me its not about numbers, hot or otherwise, but just what I like. I happen to like women who are physically fit and as such they tend to like men who are, so I better be. Its not about bragging rights at all, after all who am I, a married swinger going to brag to? I enjoy the experience, I feel a nice ego boost knowing the woman wants to have sex with me, and I have fond memories of most of my swinging partners, but I respect them too. I don't get a feeling of that respect from you.

 

I think thats part of the single male turn off. If you are just looking to increase your personal counter by one, to basically use my wife with out respecting our relationship, I don't want you to touch her. She is my wife first, mother of my children, love of my life, not the catch of the day.

[lustylearning 705]

True story. My wife has the choice of an MFM or a 4 some this weekend. Its the same guy either way, and I asked her which she would rather have. She would rather have the foursome, and thats with no female bi activities, so thats not the issue. As a couple we like foursomes better, and thats not related to jealousy. Honestly I'd rather have a 4some than a FMF, the dynamics just work better for us.

 

Now I'm sure jealousy is an issue for some, but our rules are we both play or neither play. Our 3somes are with selected long time friends we have played with as couples before only.

 

Finally, and this doesn't make me popular with the singles crowd, but really I have to wonder whats up with most singles in the lifestyle. I wonder 'why' they are single, why they choose this lifestyle where at least males are not wanted by so many, and quite frankly whats wrong with them. Rather than find out who is well adjusted we would rather just avoid the lot and that includes single females.

 

 

 

This sounds a bit like bitter single male pity here. If the guy doesn't want to have sex with your partner, you will be turned down. Just as you wouldn't approach a couple where you had no interest in the female. This isn't only ken and barbies its just sex in general.

 

 

 

You are a single male, what rules would you set on your limits? I have no rules for me, I do what I want, my wife on the other hand has some things she isn't comfortable with me doing, and those are 'my rules', its part of why singles and couples are different in swinging.

 

 

 

If we are both not having a good time, neither of us are having a good time. She is not happy if I'm ignored, I'm not happy if she is, as such this really isn't the issue even though to an outsider it may look like shes not playing just because there is nothing for me to gain. Its not me refusing as much as she refusing to leave me in the lurch for her own pleasure.

 

 

 

 

 

Occasionally I've seen some adds where the people involved are not very attractive for the swingers sites but over all you are correct in that the adds are about that. That being said MY desire to look better is related to what I am attracted to sexually, and for those women it helps if I'm better looking myself. Were I to change my strike zone a bit, I could have a lot more play partners, but for me its not about numbers, hot or otherwise, but just what I like. I happen to like women who are physically fit and as such they tend to like men who are, so I better be. Its not about bragging rights at all, after all who am I, a married swinger going to brag to? I enjoy the experience, I feel a nice ego boost knowing the woman wants to have sex with me, and I have fond memories of most of my swinging partners, but I respect them too. I don't get a feeling of that respect from you.

 

I think thats part of the single male turn off. If you are just looking to increase your personal counter by one, to basically use my wife with out respecting our relationship, I don't want you to touch her. She is my wife first, mother of my children, love of my life, not the catch of the day.

 

well said

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Well, I say this much, I really must have hit a nerve.

Well your not hitting my nerves, just trying to stay on board....

Personally, I want to thank each and everyone for the total support of this study.

This takes on a whole new meaning now doesn't it. Who's the research for ?

The data keeps pouring in and we are discovering some truths about what is out there.

Who is we ? I thought you have been swinging enough (single/ and with a partner) to have seen whats out there

 

I might have missed something, How long have you been swinging ?

[Chicup 41]

There are some really great posts here!

 

Now for the academic:

 

A few evenings ago, I saw a documentary on the Discovery channel that addresses this question. British scientists from various disciplines, e.g., psychology, anthropology (physical & cultural), a psychiatrist, and an assortment of sociologists, computer graphics guys and some “dating specialists”. Their objective was to prove the scientific basis for “computer dating”.

 

They forgot the important one. Evolutionary biologists.

 

Bottom line:

 

Nobody wants to have sex with their sibling so the “similar face” idea is out.

 

I would dispute this. In cases where siblings father/daughters are separated at birth, they are MORE likely to fall for each other when they meet. On the other hand unrelated children who grow up together are less likely to marry and has been documented in Israeli Kibbutz's. It seems that the genetic urge against incest is not based on looks but on a sort of imprinting on who you grow up with.

 

*In the initial first few rounds of speed dating, not ONE person gave thought to their fundamental “compatibility quotient”. - - After 3 months, only to of the couples were “friends only” and after something like six months, none of them had contact with any other participants.

 

I'd call swinging closer to speed dating, but really speed dating has very little to do with real human interactions for long term relationships.

[djjwp 129]

For him, yes. If she is not HWP and attractive, it will be the anti-Viagra! I want her to be submissive as well but that is the other 10%

 

For her, he must be HWP and attractive and well groomed with manners.

[tojoe59 17]

The mind is the best sex part.....I love to watch the action then jump in and keep it going. A BBW can be as hot as a porn star if she wants to . she just need to bring an A-GAME. I'm no George Cloony but I do try to being my game to the play.

[herpob 563]

The conventional wisdom is that men are more visually stimulated with sex than women are.

 

Women look for status, power, wealth, or attributes which can lead to such things such as intelligence, confidence, charisma.

 

Women are not looking for a long term relationship in swinging; women are looking for a fuck toy.

 

On a personal note, the focus on looks in swinging by the women is why I've been hitting the weight bench and dropping the love handles. If I want to have sex with women I find sexually attractive, I need to be physically attractive to them as well.

 

 

I'm not going to try to speak for women, but I know men are more visual than women..

 

However, there are 2 things that add up to that level of attraction: 1. Is obviously physical attraction, but 2. is what comes across in someone's personality in how a woman carries herself and interacts.

 

Well, I don't so I don't know why. I'd be interested in seeing if there are any individuals that will speak up that will have sex with anything that is available.

 

 

I tend to agree with Chicup on the physical looks and ownerspet – I feel men are more into that in initially. I am definitely more into their intelligence, confidence, and charisma, how they carry themselves, and interact, though how a person looks when having sex can attract me as well. I know men who are not gorgeous until they are pounding you. I know men who are hot as heck when they pull out their manhood. How the men act and approach me is attractive. So looks play a part in it for me as a woman but it is more about how they carry themselves and represent themselves than the physical looks. I’d say 50/50 on this.

 

Now about the men being more visual with respect to sexual acts, I would say I am as visual as any male would be. I absolutely LOOOOVE to see sex, watch sex, have sex and watch sex. I love to be up close and personal watching sex or be in the middle of it, but I love to see it. Of course I need to feel it, touch it, but I like to see it as well most of the time. I’d say 80% on this.

 

As for women not being into swinging for relationship – that is a definite for me. Friendships are a part of it but NOTHING beyond that. Sex is sex is sex with our friends and we work really hard at not letting anything else creep in. I know it happens, I’ve seen it destroy groups, couples, etc. but so far we have not had it happen in our group. We are good friends because over time you will develop that, we all trust one another, but as far as I know everyone is happy with their families. The men just all like more sex than most of the women and we gals are fine with that, so a few of us provide more than the others. I for certain love having extra fucktoys and my husband is happy for me so are the wives who don't want to do it but so often.

 

I will not have sex with just anyone. I do love men, I do love their bodies, I do love penises, and cum and I will do pretty much anything with and for a guy but I keep it within our group.

 

Now CERTAINLY there are men out there like this “Well, I don't so I don't know why. I'd be interested in seeing if there are any individuals that will speak up that will have sex with anything that is available” ownerspet.

 

LOL - I am curious about these people as well…anyone???

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I definately won't have sex with just about anything that moves... or even close to it. I'm pretty picky. When it comes to initial (across the room) attraction yes it's 100% visual, but typically I will have at least a short conversation with someone before I have sex with them, and in that conversation HOT can become NOT very quickly or OK can become HOT... all depending on the personality, attitude, voice, etc.

 

I'd say sex is more like 60% visual... that other 40% can either make or break a person.

[widowerman 55]

How about “pity sex”? Anyone ever do it just because it seemed necessary?

[WeUse 120]

One of my friends who went all around the world never using any kind of protection at all, got home, took pity on this poor wallflower, and donated a mercy fuck. Wouldn't you know, on that one occasion he contracted the worst possible STD!

 

Maybe shallow and selfish is good?

[magnum 78]

OK, I have two serious questions.

 

Is sex 90% visual? As in, the object of your affection has to be great looking, good looking, somewhat good looking, who the hell is looking?

 

Second, question: would you have sex with just about anything that is available?

Second question, part B: And if you do, why?

 

I would have to say yes to the first question: I am a very visual person and the better looking the better for me.

 

Second question: it depends on how long it has been and how many beers I have had...not to be shallow but it is what it is...

[SecretAsianMan 348]

OK, I have two serious questions.

 

Is sex 90% visual? As in, the object of your affection has to be great looking, good looking, somewhat good looking, who the hell is looking?

 

I think some aspects of sex are definately visual - but for me... I doubt it's anything quite as high as 90%. I would guess and say - 40% visual. A really great personality... the right attitude... a particular way that she moves or a "style" she has can go a long way towards adding to my overall attraction to a person. And let's not forget the emotional bonds which I may have with a person...

 

Second, question: would you have sex with just about anything that is available?

Second question, part B: And if you do, why?

 

Well... I like to think I'm a LITTLE pickier than that! While sexual availability can certainly grab my attention, I need a lot more than just a heartbeat and a warm hole.

[let's do it again 414]

For me it's 60 visual and 40 percent personality. My type of woman is either very tall and thin or short and buxom both with long black hair. I am 62 and not as picky as I was 10 years ago, personality goes a long way now. When I was forty I preferred beauty and she could have had a personality like a doorknob, not anymore! Being older, I just don't put up with a party pooper. Give me the lady with a momma belly or c-section scar over a stick in the mud.

[herpob 563]

On 3/1/2023 at 6:33 PM, let's do it again said:

For me it's 60 visual and 40 percent personality.  personality goes a long way now. Give me the lady with a momma belly or c-section scar over a stick in the mud.

Keeping it simple these day. Give us lively fun energetic people who absolutely love sex and we are very flexible on the looks, there has to be an attraction but that does not always mean physically. So for us personality is huge but so is a nice thick cock - lol.   I do so love the visuals of a nice big thick cock in hands and holes. So I am VERY visual with this regard. :0 

[devamona 1]

1. Yes, of course, the visual is important to me in sex. I want to fuck someone attractive to me. If my partner looks like my favorite actors from 9xmovies, that would be fantastic.
2. No, I wouldn't want to fuck everyone available. Yes, appearance is important to me, but it's just as equally necessary for me to be attracted to personality. Then the sex would be of a much better quality.

[lcmim 1,081]

It is not that Sasquatch is on my radar, so maybe looks 5%

Otherwise to me Attitude, attitude, attitude.

[Numex 2,409]

For me, the most visual aspect of sex is seeing my wife fuck another man or woman.  Or two at once.  Not only is it her beauty and attractive body, but watching her reaction to receiving and his to getting pleasure.

 

With my other partners it is the difference between my wife and the other guy's wife - wider hips, smaller or bigger tits, different pussy, everything.  That excites me.