Having a couple over after the toddler goes to bed?

[newbieswinger 33]

maybe this is a crazy question.

my son is 16 months and we don't have a babysitter we feel comfortable with. he goes to bed at 8pm. our bedroom is next to his and we have a king size bed. as long as nobody is yelling or screaming i don't think he would notice anything. we also have a large barn that we use for storage mostly. maybe we could move a tv, bed, and couch out there. that seems like it would give a trashy impression though.

[N&G 207]

The answer of course is to find a babysitter that you are comfortable with. Many couples will not be comfortable playing with a child in the house and not everyone has sex quietly. Kids notice EVERYTHING. He also will only be 16 months old until next month so you need to look at the long term aspect of this. What are you going to do when he is 2 or 3 years old? If you use the barn does that mean that the child is left alone in the house? That doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

[socolais 696]

Sometimes "ideal solutions" have other concerns that make them somewhat less desirable. No one knows your son like you do (at least at this age). If both of you think you would be comfortable with that arrangement, I say go for it. Just don't get lazy with the precautions. And make sure everyone knows the house rules. There may be occasional interruptions in the playtime, know in advance how you'll take care of those needs. Other couples with young kids know that the kids come first and I think most are willing to make allowances in the playtimes.

 

I wouldn't want a steady diet of that kind of playtime, but if everything else worked out and I was confident your son was well cared for, I'd be willing to play and be tolerant of any necessary interruptions.

[des1re06 200]

We would never play with children in the house.

 

The barn would be a different story though.

[Chicup 41]

No law says you can't have sex downstairs.

 

At 16 months nothing he sees will register as anything.

 

Older children are another issue.

 

The only issue is a lot of swingers, especially those without kids will find just having a kid anywhere near them a turn off. We did before we had kids, now its just a fact of how our lives are.

[newbieswinger 33]

thanks for the input, i'll have to think this over. we have a video monitor that when he's asleep and we're in the barn we can clearly see him to answer the question of leaving him alone.

[SecretAsianMan 348]

Kids are a tough call - most people feel uncomfortable with having a child TOO close to that type of activities (it makes people feel like they've got to be restricted & at least refrain from vocalizing) so a babysitter would probably be ideal... heck, even a babysitter after you've converted the "barn" into a play-area wouldn't be a bad idea

[2inSanDiego4u 181]

maybe this is a crazy question.

my son is 16 months and we don't have a babysitter we feel comfortable with. he goes to bed at 8pm. our bedroom is next to his and we have a king size bed. as long as nobody is yelling or screaming i don't think he would notice anything. we also have a large barn that we use for storage mostly. maybe we could move a tv, bed, and couch out there. that seems like it would give a trashy impression though.

 

If the child is under 3, they will probably not be affected by it as long as you're not too noisy! If the bedroom door is locked that would avoid the problem of him/her actually seeing anything too sexual.

 

The "sex barn" idea sounds good too. If you set it up properly it could be a lot of fun for everyone involved!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The answer of course is to find a babysitter that you are comfortable with. Many couples will not be comfortable playing with a child in the house and not everyone has sex quietly. Kids notice EVERYTHING. He also will only be 16 months old until next month so you need to look at the long term aspect of this. What are you going to do when he is 2 or 3 years old? If you use the barn does that mean that the child is left alone in the house? That doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

 

I have to agree with this. Granted we don't have kids (and don't plan to) so I'm sure some would say we just don't "get" what it's like to swing when you do.....

[sexcupid 809]

I have kids (they are 7 and 8 now)....but even when they were toddlers, I would not have considered having playmates over at the house. And as swingers now, we as a couple are not comfortable with the idea of playing with children in the house, no matter what their age.

 

I'm sure there are some potential playmates out there that would have absolutely no problem coming over.

 

Now, the question I am most curious about...many parents try to find a reliable/trustworthy baby sitter in pretty short order just for having an evening out now and again. Have you had problems with past babysitters or is there just some preconceived notion that wanting to have a night out to yourselves to do adult things makes you horrible parents? (Hey, I used to be married to one of those...and at best we went out 2-4 times per year...Valentines Day, anniversary, and a company christmas party were guaranteed 'date nights'.)

 

And as far as the video monitor in the barn. Handy if you are out there just doing work or puttering around...probably not so ideal during a playtime. To effectively monitor the monitor, it means one of you is probably not paying attention to your play partner.

 

Good luck!

[newbieswinger 33]

I think we've put off the idea of having them over to our place. julie mentioned in another thread the safety aspect of having strangers near my child. right now we're thinking about going to a club for the labor day party.

 

my problem with babysitters is that i had a personally bad experience so i can't bring myself to leave him with anyone other than dh. my mother was watching him while i had surgery. when i got out of the hospital and went directly to her house my son was down stairs crying bloody murder and my mom was upstairs ignoring him to strip on her cam for some guy in India.

 

I tried to post on other thread and it won't let me. why can i post here? any ideas? i would ask somewhere else but i can't post anywhere else. i have an email into julie

 

ETA: i've been able to post on two threads so i'm not sure why i couldn't post on other threads. i'll figure it out eventually

[Chicup 41]

dh?

 

Someone I think posts on the childrens boards out there. Only place I've seen dh is when my wife posts there

[Guest MrsVan]

We had a couple one evening after going out that wanted us to go back to their place to play but they had a child that was less than 2 yrs old that they would have at the house. And we immediately, said no. My fear is that if the child can walk, it can get out of it's bed and what would you do in the event the child comes walking in looking for mommy or daddy during a play session??

 

I would say find a babysitter. I know that it is hard to do but I think that the majority of couples would not feel comfortable with playing in the presence of a child in the house.

 

MrsVan

[Chicup 41]

We have long time friends with kids young enough that we play with the kids there. We are careful, and never came close to a problem.

 

We once met a new couple who wanted to play with their 12 year old daughter in her room (they said she never comes down) and we got out fast.

[two42lovers 273]

We'd have no problem playing behind locked doors with a 16 month old sleeping in the house, but it would be important for everyone involved to be aware and sensitive to the situation. As a child gets older it gets more complicated. How old a kid can be, if the parents are behind locked doors with music playing, and the kids never see anything?

 

Food for thought:

How old were you when you realized your parents were having sex? Is it wrong for children to know their parents have sex? At what age is is OK for kids to know? If the parents are homosexual, are there different rules? If the parents are poly are there different rules? If they are swingers are there different rules?

[3sumff 31]

All I have to say is family comes first, and everything else is secondary. The well fare of your child should be on the top of your list. Swinging should come when after the proper arrangements are made to play!

[JTcamp05 9]

We meet a couple when the kids were young, who had young ones also...... the kids played together then went to bed...then the adults "played" .... of course we were cautious.... we locked the door ect... ect...

 

You have sex with your spouse when the kids are home..... am I missing something here?

[BiloxiCouple 695]

The real answer ultimately is going to be, "Are you comfortable with this situation?" Depending on how YOU answer is how it will be.

 

It depends on how your house is set up.

 

How comfortable you are with other people in your house, whether strangers or someone you are comfortable with.

 

You must tell your guest ahead of time about the kids.

[funcpl4life 51]

We have long time friends with kids young enough that we play with the kids there. We are careful, and never came close to a problem.

 

We once met a new couple who wanted to play with their 12 year old daughter in her room (they said she never comes down) and we got out fast.

 

This is *exactly* where we are. You want to put the baby to bed in the other room? Fine. Older? No. How much older? Not much.

 

Mr FC4L

[jjtrindc 142]

We too struggle a bit with this issue. Lots of good perspectives here from parents and non-parents alike which is important since you'll meet a lot of different people in this lifestyle. We've been fortunate in that most of the couples we've met have all had kids our age or older (and remember those days). We're very clear up front in our profile that we have young kids, we need to plan things out, and sometimes things just happen. A bit of a side rant here, but find it irritating when couples email us and say, hey let's get together tomorrow (or even that night). We have a couple of good sitters (yes, having more than one good sitter is recommended!)...but that is asking a lot.

 

Our kids our still on the young side so nakedness still reigns supreme in our house, lol. My wife and I don't flaunt it but we also don't duck and run if they see us naked, peek in the shower, etc. Yes, we've had to explain why mommy and daddy are wrestling in bed, but that's life. They love to be naked too. End result is that nudity is just an everyday fact of life in our house.

 

We also keep our play in our living room which is on another floor and opposite side of the house from the kids room. Thank goodness for all the fun stuff at Liberator to keep it comfy, fun and sexy. It also helps that our kids wouldn't wake up if a freight train ran through the house which is good because my wifes orgasms sometimes sound like that!

 

Ultimately, I'm not sure we would have a long term relationship with a couple that wouldn't play at our house because of the kids because that means we would always be at their house or getting hotels. Not a great long term strategy in our book. But we respect the fact that others have that opinion.

 

Ultimately, put your family and needs first. As long as you are clear about that then you'll eventually find friends who share similar feelings.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I tried to post on other thread and it won't let me. why can i post here? any ideas? i would ask somewhere else but i can't post anywhere else. i have an email into julie

 

ETA: i've been able to post on two threads so i'm not sure why i couldn't post on other threads. i'll figure it out eventually

 

Most likely you were trying to post to threads in an archive forum that is read only. If you scroll down to the bottom of the thread and look on the left side of the screen you will see "posting rules" that tell you what you can/cannot do in that thread/forum. Everything in the archives is read only so if you see something you want to reply to the best bet is to just start a new thread on the topic (with a reference/link to the old thread if a reference is necessary).

[sweet_tna 680]

I can sympathize with you. It's hard enough to find a good sitter for vanilla occasions. Then to find playmates and a dependable sitter for playtime . . . not easy. At 16 months, I'd consider playtime in a room further than next door (but I'm noisy). But it won't be long before your son is old enough to need a sitter (ie he can get out of his bed/room all by himself).

 

As for the barn, I wouldn't be too keen on that. Yeah, you've got the monitor, but then you'd either be so distracted watching the lil' one you're not enjoying playtime or you're having too much fun playing to really pay attention. Maybe you could get a sitter for the house and play in the barn?

 

Good luck figuring something out.

 

=)

[Guest MrsVan]

You have sex with your spouse when the kids are home..... am I missing something here?

 

I think the difference that we are trying to get across is that, yes we have sex with our spouses at home but that is a different situation. If a younger child was to come knocking on the door it is easier to stop what your doing and attend to the child cause it may be expected. But if you have a young child that comes into a room while you are "playing" with another couple then that could really confuse the child.

 

I just think that having sex with my spouse in my home is different than playing with another couple and taking the risk that my child walks in on the play session and then it comes some problems.

 

MrsVan

[3sumff 31]

We meet a couple when the kids were young, who had young ones also...... the kids played together then went to bed...then the adults "played" .... of course we were cautious.... we locked the door ect... ect...

 

You have sex with your spouse when the kids are home..... am I missing something here?

 

You are correct...I have had sex with my spouse. Keyword, My spouse! It is just my opinion. Absolutely do what you feel is right! For us, it is not something we would engage in. Toddler, Adolescent...it doesn't matter. Perhaps, we are just more on the conservative side.

[two42lovers 273]

yes we have sex with our spouses at home but that is a different situation.

 

It's all good, but just curious: what is "different"? The child walking in on you is impossible if the door is locked. We wouldn't allow our child to walk in on us having sex 1-on-1, either. If the child didn't see or hear anything, what harm is there in the parents having 1-on-1 sex in the privacy of their bedroom? If 1-on-1 sex is OK, what actual difference is there if the sex is 2-on-2?

 

The always-perfect answer is "we're not comfortable with it". If that's how you feel, there is never a reason to explain your preferances. But if people are saying it's wrong or hurtful to the child, in the context of a discussion forum, we'd love to hear why you feel the way you do about playing behind locked doors.

[newbieswinger 33]

Most likely you were trying to post to threads in an archive forum that is read only. If you scroll down to the bottom of the thread and look on the left side of the screen you will see "posting rules" that tell you what you can/cannot do in that thread/forum. Everything in the archives is read only so if you see something you want to reply to the best bet is to just start a new thread on the topic (with a reference/link to the old thread if a reference is necessary).

 

thanks i think that was the problem. at the bottom it said no posting but i thought it was just me. i've been on forums before and sould know that.

 

We too struggle a bit with this issue. Lots of good perspectives here from parents and non-parents alike which is important since you'll meet a lot of different people in this lifestyle. We've been fortunate in that most of the couples we've met have all had kids our age or older (and remember those days). We're very clear up front in our profile that we have young kids, we need to plan things out, and sometimes things just happen. A bit of a side rant here, but find it irritating when couples email us and say, hey let's get together tomorrow (or even that night). We have a couple of good sitters (yes, having more than one good sitter is recommended!)...but that is asking a lot.

 

Our kids our still on the young side so nakedness still reigns supreme in our house, lol. My wife and I don't flaunt it but we also don't duck and run if they see us naked, peek in the shower, etc. Yes, we've had to explain why mommy and daddy are wrestling in bed, but that's life. They love to be naked too. End result is that nudity is just an everyday fact of life in our house.

 

We also keep our play in our living room which is on another floor and opposite side of the house from the kids room. Thank goodness for all the fun stuff at Liberator to keep it comfy, fun and sexy. It also helps that our kids wouldn't wake up if a freight train ran through the house which is good because my wifes orgasms sometimes sound like that!

 

Ultimately, I'm not sure we would have a long term relationship with a couple that wouldn't play at our house because of the kids because that means we would always be at their house or getting hotels. Not a great long term strategy in our book. But we respect the fact that others have that opinion.

 

Ultimately, put your family and needs first. As long as you are clear about that then you'll eventually find friends who share similar feelings.

 

 

this was very helpful. right now we're thinking a club once in a while when we can find a sitter and we'll take it from there.

[realcplub2 513]

We have a horror story to relate to you.. in regards to this decision

 

We met a couple a couple years younger than us, and we had enjoyed a few evenings of fun.. and had progress to hanging out for regular fun, having a dinner or BBQ..They knew we had kids and flat out refused to do anything with the kids in the area.. even flirting.. We knew they had a very young daughter, and again out of respect flat out refused to do anything, with children in the vicinity.

 

We had a "date" set for a later evening we arrived at 10 pm, and progressed a bit slowly, the clothes all came off, and as we swapped players.. The wife and I had moved into a cowgirl and he and my wife were engaging a bit of doggy,a few feet away, when out of the bedroom comes thier little girl, crying.. She jumps off me, and her father was trying to keep going with my wife.. which she pulled away from..

 

As they were calming thier little girl, we dressed and as they came back out expecting to continue we said good nite.. When we got home, now its like 1am.. there was a email from them, at first apologising in the first paragraph then it turned a bit nasty as they were ranting about why we left..

 

I hope this helps you in your decision, personally, we were offended that we had been lied to, knowing our position on the subject..

 

And lets put a finer point on it, Even behind locked doors, there arises moments were a child NEEDS Mommy or Daddy (nightmares, Dirty Diapers, Drinks, simple comfort).. lets face it.. In the heat of ANY moment.. thats a Buzzkill.. know what I mean.. Be a parent first

[J & K 16]

Oh...we have been there with this one. Our good friends always invite us over to eat, drink and swim in their pool. They have 3 boys at home around 19 yrs, 17 yrs, and 12 yrs old that are always there. We hang outside and the kids stay inside. When it gets dark they start to flirt and like to get naked----with their kids around. My wife and I don't care to play with kids around, but they have no problem with it. No wonder my dick has a hard time getting hard knowing older boys could walk in and see their mom giving another man a blow job in front of their father. So the wife and I try to prolong excuses to go home. Kids in the same house and swinging don't mix!!!!!!!!!!

[Meetussoon 68]

We had young children when we started swinging. We would never have brought new friends ...ie...almost total strangers...home. We were fortunate to meet a couple who we now consider close personal friends, we do family things together, BBQ, airshow, etc.. and since we live hours apart it includes FAMILY SLEEP OVERS. Once the kids crash from exaughstion in a downstairs rec room, there have been occasions when the parents had some recreation of their own upstairs.

 

meetussoon.

[JTcamp05 9]

We had young children when we started swinging. We would never have brought new friends ...ie...almost total strangers...home. We were fortunate to meet a couple who we now consider close personal friends, we do family things together, BBQ, airshow, etc.. and since we live hours apart it includes FAMILY SLEEP OVERS. Once the kids crash from exaughstion in a downstairs rec room, there have been occasions when the parents had some recreation of their own upstairs.

 

meetussoon.

 

 

 

We have had the same experience and are still responsible parents...... I think those that are RESPONSIBLE will take the necessary steps to protect children, which of course is the most important job a parent has!

[jid2008 16]

A couple that we fool around with is very quiet. We are all quiet except for the sound of porn playing in the background. There's usually not much more than some moaning and some whispers.