Do you secretly wish you'd get outed?

[intuition897 2,179]

I know a lot of this depends on HOW you get outed, but I can't deny that there is a part of me that is less careful and discrete than I should be. I think it stems from the idealist in me: we're not doing anything to be ashamed of, it's normal and healthy, and yet I have to scurry and hide under rocks like a damned cockroach. I'd much rather just own up to it and be done with it. It's not realistic, especially considering our kids' ages, but that doesn't keep me from wishing otherwise.

 

What about the rest of you? Are you obsessive-compulsively driven to hide your activities, or do you occasionally - oops, silly me - slip and leave a trail of breadcrumbs that a determinedly curious person could potentially follow? For example, I don't hide my internet activities as carefully as I probably should, and I make mentions of swinging-related stuff in my journal, etc. I DO clear out the history now and then, but for the most part...I just don't CARE! Now, the kids each have their own computer profile that they log into, and we have ours, so we're fairly secure that way. But if my sister, for example, happens to see something while she's using our computer during a visit or something...you know what I mean? I just don't really give a shit anymore.

 

It irks me that I can't be exactly who I am.

[VANudistcpl 109]

We tried to hide our activities, but we were on one site to meet when a friend of ours saw the profile. The wife was about to panic and stop everything until I asked her what were they doing on the site. Not everyone knows what we do, but we are a little more open.

 

So I say be yourself.

[rpu3 630]

What about the rest of you? Are you obsessive-compulsively driven to hide your activities, or do you occasionally - oops, silly me - slip and leave a trail of breadcrumbs that a determinedly curious person could potentially follow?

 

No; I live a lot of my life in a nice orderly OCD fashion, but hiding everything regarding my alternative activities is not on my list. I don't advertise, but if I were asked, I'd likely be honest. A few people know already (sister, a small number of friends). So I guess I'm still in the closet, but the door is open?

 

It is annoying to maintain a bit of discretion because I don't feel what I'm doing/we are doing is wrong, though. I just do my thing, without a lot of fanfare (since that isn't my style, either) and if someone wants to ask about it so be it.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

We are outed in our close family. Its not all that big of a deal really. I suppose its the family that doesn't want a sign in our yard. Our adult married children, aren't worried that we have some wild dirty sex ring, as friends. Its not like we have swinger friends over when we are watching the grand kids either. Well..... a few of Mrs.funs girlfriends might stop by or be here, but you would never know bi what you see. They wouldn't be here if they didn't have some ethics. I think we payed our dues raising our kids in a healthy way, where family always comes first.

 

We keep the lifestyle out of the work place. For obvious reasons.

 

Our social vanilla friends who know. Don't push the issue, so......

 

If some kind of issue should ever arise, I think we could handle it.

[LFM2 1,482]

Our oldest daughter and her significant other knows, but that's about it. We don't try to hide it much anymore, either. It really does feel like crawling under a rock to hide when we're doing nothing wrong. Still, the only persons we'd hate to find out is our mothers. Like rpu3 says, we don't hide it, but if we were confronted with it, we wouldn't lie.

[MRSfun 152]

I think the only thing I could add is, we respect others feelings. Sure we are not ashamed of what we do. But even with the kids or people we meet, we still behave like regular vanilla people in public.

 

We have met people from out of town who don't concider that we still remain discreet in public. One couple or at least the female half cornered fun4ds in a supermarket and things got a little uncomfortable. Especially since our oldest son was with him. He was like " damn dad, who the hell was that ? Does mom know her ? "

 

So being out of the closet and all. We still prefer to use discretion

[cupl4fun 361]

None of the answers really fit us. We are definitely not "out". But we would love to be. I don't think it will ever be anything we flaunt, but when I'm finished with my job we definitely won't be making any efforts to stay in. Once our kids are grown and it doesn't affect them so much I imagine we might even become vocal about it. Things began to change in the homosexual community when people stood up and said "this is who we are." I wish we were able to do a little more of this in the swing community. I don't like feeling like we're in hiding. I don't want to live in fear that someone will find out. I'd rather they already knew, then after they know we can decide where we stand. No false pretenses. Just MHO.

[WeMayTryIt 120]

It would make things much simpler, and more complex at the same time. My brother knows, as does a friend of Mrs. TryIt. If our parents found out, it would be complete pandelerium, and would definitely strain those relationships. Add to that young kids and the need to uphold a security clearance, and we're fine with being diligent to keep things under wraps, though we're not as neurotic about it as when we first started.

[awesomecplmn 21]

I have an interesting observation.

 

So many people worry about their parents finding out about their swinging activities (myself included), but do we really think they would be that shocked? I mean if my kids grow up to have happy marriages which include swinging, are they going to be so scared of me and hubby finding out?? Cause ummmm hello...swinging isn't really all that shocking, right? But it just makes me wonder who is desperately trying to hide their swinging lifestyle from me??

[intuition897 2,179]

awesomecplmn said:

I have an interesting observation.

 

So many people worry about their parents finding out about their swinging activities (myself included), but do we really think they would be that shocked? I mean if my kids grow up to have happy marriages which include swinging, are they going to be so scared of me and hubby finding out?? Cause ummmm hello...swinging isn't really all that shocking, right? But it just makes me wonder who is desperately trying to hide their swinging lifestyle from me??

 

Lots of really interesting responses here, and I think I agree with just about everything that was said. We, too, have the closet door hanging half-ajar, but we aren't advertising or anything.

 

I just wanted to comment here that, YES!, my parents - or at least my Mom - would be mortified. I was told not to wear tampons as a teenager because they would "ruin" me. I had a single extremely awkward birds-and-bees talk with Mom at age 11, and we never discussed sex again. Oh, and masturbation is a sin, BTW. Yeah, baby, I've come a loooong way. This is a woman who I fear would never understand our logic, and I have no interest in trying to convert her thinking. Her happiness is her own business, and it's neither my place nor my responsibility to rock her boat with such enormous revelations. To ask her to please understand is to ask her to change everything she believes in to the depth of her soul. I just can't ask that of her. It's unfair. And so...we have to remain quiet because it would be harmful to her psychologically, emotionally, spiritually and probably even physically (she has medical conditions that are aggravated by stress). I wish she would come out of her shell as I'm sure that her life would be much more fulfilling if she didn't live it so fearfully. But it's not my place to dictate what should or should not make someone else happy. If she tells me that she's happy with the hand she's playing, she's an adult and I have to trust her to look out for her own best interests. It's just a matter of respect. It doesn't make me feel any better though.

 

So anyway, that's just me saying that I agree with WeMayTryIt's statement about needing to respect the feelings of others when deciding upon our actions.

[socolais 696]

I have a feeling our youngest daughter knows something about our activities. She has seen us leaving the house "going to a party with friends" and dressed different than we normally dress. I've seen that she has followed some of the links in the history folder. No strong evidence against us, just circumstantial stuff.

 

I left a post-it on the computer for her, "When adults discover anything they can't handle on their own, they have to pay for their own therapy". I think she got the message.

 

If my parents were to find out, I think they would be unlikely to understand and we'd have a difficult discussion. There's no real harm in keeping them in the dark about any of our sexual preferences.

[bryanlee 147]

I wouldn't be concerned so much about my family finding out as they are all very supportive, not to mention i have far more "interesting" family members who do far more "interesting" things, lol.

 

As a younger couple it is our friends/peers who we don't tell. The lady and I are very committed to each other, but when you tell someone in our age group that you are a swinger the first impression is that I (Bryan) am the luckiest guy in the world and that Sharon must be a whore to go along with it. Although they don't outright say those things it is just how it is generally received. I would rather tell my parents than have our circle of vanilla friends find out.

 

We keep our sexual preferences private not because we are ashamed or feel that we are doing something wrong, but because it is nearly impossible to explain something like this to "outsiders" and we don't feel the need to explain any of our actions to anyone except each other.

[Brian and Jo 344]

We are nudists as well as swingers and we are quite open about our nudist activities. All our family and many of our friends know we go to nudist resorts and clubs. We are more discreet about our swinging but it really would'nt bother us that much if the word got out.

[jdavisauto 73]

We are very open about swinging and don't hide it. We don't go running in the streets shouting we are swingers every night. We talk openly about it with our non-swingers friends when asked and invite them to a swingers club with us so they can see for them selfs. Our kids know that we are swingers as do our co-workers. We have no problems about it and no one condemn us for it. To us it is a natural part of our lifes just like going out to dinner and a movie. There is nothing taboo about life so why hide it?

[SnakeBabe 51]

We are very open about swinging and don't hide it. We don't go running in the streets shouting we are swingers every night. We talk openly about it with our non-swingers friends when asked .....

 

I agree. Since I have an adult website I pretty much outed myself.

 

Have any of you that are out noticed it can work like a “filter” for who your real friends are? Vanillas who like us are still friends and others with insecure relationships run.

 

Kind of nice so far.

 

Hugs and Hissessss,

Maria

[sweet_tna 680]

We're still in the closet, but the door is slightly ajar. There are a few people who know, but we would prefer to not be completely outed. Mr. Sweet's mom could NEVER handle the news, it could affect his job, and our kids are still young. So we have to try to remain discrete.

 

Like the rest of ya'll, we don't feel we're doing anything wrong and dislike having to hide anything, but life just isn't that simple.

[watchem_wiggle 22]

We're new to the lifestyle, and we have young'uns, so for now we remain discreet. I have one friend who knows, only because I know her to be good secretkeeper.

 

I am worried about others finding out. I teach at our Christian preschool, and am a deeply faithful Christian myself. I find that swinging doesn't conflict with my beliefs, as I am sure many of my brethren would disagree. I would be devastated if my congregation found out, because I feel they wouldn't understand. However, my pastors finding out doesn't scare me as much, because I know them to be a very kind and understanding husband and wife pastoring team, although they would wholeheartedly not approve of our lifestyle.

 

I think if my dad found out, he'd freak out at first and then proceed to out us to the rest of the family in some deprecating joke. (He manages to find the humor in every situation)

 

Mr. Wiggle's family (esp. his sis) wouldn't get it I don't think. And as open and alternative as his sis is compared to my sisters, I think she would honestly have the most objecting response.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

My brother knows, as well as some of our friends. Other then that, that's it. None of her family knows.

 

If I was outed at work... I don't think it would be a big deal. But both of our mothers are very religious, and if they found out we swung (which obviously means we're going to Hell!), they would flip. It would NOT be a pretty sight.

 

I mean, heck, my mom forwards me "Action Alerts" from the "Reverend" Donald Wildmon, for Pete's sake!

[ourrockstarlife 15]

cupl4fun said:

None of the answers really fit us. We are definitely not "out". But we would love to be. I don't think it will ever be anything we flaunt, but when I'm finished with my job we definitely won't be making any efforts to stay in. Once our kids are grown and it doesn't affect them so much I imagine we might even become vocal about it. Things began to change in the homosexual community when people stood up and said "this is who we are." I wish we were able to do a little more of this in the swing community. I don't like feeling like we're in hiding. I don't want to live in fear that someone will find out. I'd rather they already knew, then after they know we can decide where we stand. No false pretenses. Just MHO.

 

I fully agree. Our jobs dictate our necessity to be ultra discreet, and it is really exhausting. Battling my need to be "free" and "open" with the practical issues.

 

I'm too afraid Westboro Baptist will protest my funeral if we come out.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

ourrockstarlife said:

I'm too afraid Westboro Baptist will protest my funeral if we come out.

 

You should be more worried about Landover Baptist.

[ourrockstarlife 15]

Chris&Amelia said:

You should be more worried about Landover Baptist.

 

Wow. Please tell me that site's a joke.....

[ourrockstarlife 15]

ourrockstarlife said:

Wow. Please tell me that site's a joke.....

 

Landover Baptist Church - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

It is a joke

 

PHEW

[intuition897 2,179]

Chris&Amelia said:

You should be more worried about Landover Baptist.

 

Golly gee, I sent MY cheque for $239.00 right away!

[Chris&Amelia 253]

ourrockstarlife said:

Landover Baptist Church - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

It is a joke

 

PHEW

 

That Wikipedia entry was written by SINNERS!!!

 

 

[ourrockstarlife 15]

That Wikipedia entry was written by SINNERS!!!

 

 

God I was CRACKING UP

 

JESUS IS WATCHING YOU SPANK YOUR MONKEY

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Jesus doesn't actually stare..... Nor, does he heckle the crowd......

 

Lord knows I have given plenty to laugh about......

[PB&J 1,086]

That site is hilarious!!! I want the heathen t-shirt.

 

And yes, outing is not an option, for work and family reasons. I no longer attend my previous place of worship, which is a small and very tight-knit group. IF my new hobby did become public knowledge, I think that they just might feel rather betrayed by the whole thing, and they are nice people whom I wouldn't want to place in that situation.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

I think I actually got Ceiling Cat in the eye on one particularly good night.

[ourrockstarlife 15]

I think I actually got Ceiling Cat in the eye on one particularly good night.

 

 

LMAO

[todesireu 16]

Being outed would be bad for both our jobs. We work hard to keep clandestine. Our families would disown us (not necessarily a bad thing...).

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think the only people we really care much if we got outed to would be our parents. Even then I don't think it would be that disastrous, I've been through being outed with my mom once already and I learned something - Parents love you no matter what, even if they don't speak to you for two weeks.

[LOL_OMG 130]

Not sure if we have been outed or not, but, we travel a lot and family members have inquired how we seem to have friends in every state we go to, heh.

[easleyfuncpl 58]

We told our friends and they weren't surprised. Heh, what does that say about us?

[djjwp 129]

No, we don't want to be outed but wish we could be. I get a surprised expression when I talk to folks who consider themselves one of our friends when I tell then I have just two friends (a vanilla couple) and many acquaintances. I place a very high bar on "friends" after catching my first wife with my best friend.

 

Those that know we swing have no issue as they swing too. My wife has a brother and a sister that swing with their spouses and I have a second cousin. We hang close to them as a social group as they have no issues with our way of life nor do the one couple we are friends with.

 

Now several folks know we do nude beaches and have been to Hedo but fail to connect the dots. We leave it that way with them.

[NCfuncouple98 367]

No, we do not want to be outed. Last night we had a very serious, detailed sex conversation with our almost 17 year old son. And I mean more detailed than I almost could handle. (Mrs. NC here).

 

Our advice to him was "Of course as responsible parents, it's our job to tell you we want you to wait until marriage, or at least be older and more mature. However, we would be completely irresponsible if we didn't arm with you with all the facts and answer all of your questions about sex." And so we did, and it was a very, very good conversation. He even hugged us both after the 2 hour talk!

 

If we were outed, I cannot imagine how he would react! If some of our friends knew, ok, I could handle that. I don't even think it would bother me if my parents found out. Mr. NC's Dad, now that might bother me!

 

I coach some sports, and am very involved in our local athletic association. I volunteer at church with my sons. So even though I am not ashamed of what I feel is our choice as a married couple, I could not stand the embarrasment and judgement my children would face!

[celtic239 297]

No - that's why we go to a club in a different state and take clothing optional vacations in another country

[Styluss 58]

We are new to this swinging thing... We have had one experience and loved it and are now looking for another. To us, we could care less who knows about our sex life with a few exceptions. She works at a zoo and doesn't need to be discrete, but is and that's the way it is. She doesn't feel the need to tell anyone about these activities, but if they were to ask her... it would depend on who was asking. If it was someone who she felt did not need to know, she would ask them an equally personal question and then say "Now, how does it feel to be asked something so personal?"

 

I work in a restaurant. Anyone who has ever had a food service job knows that nothing is sacred. I could care less who knows. I don't care if they think less of me or us, nor would I find relief in knowing that they "support" me and our activities. In fact, most of my co-workers do know that we like to swing and are looking for some action. Nothing seems to have changed after they came to know this.

 

As for our friends and family... there are two sides to that coin. Friends: Many of them know but not all of them. It's not like we made an announcement to everyone once we figured out we enjoyed the lifestyle. If it comes up, we will discuss it. We have no reason to hide it from any of our friends. Family: Well, not like we got on the phone and told our mothers about this either!!! My Mom would find it weird, but would understand and even support us. Her mother would freak out a bit, but then would just want to not hear about it. nothing would change in their relationship.

 

I think that it all boils down to a number of factors;

1. Who is it that is going to find out?

- Boss

- Family (Mother / Father)

2. What is their relationship to you? Professional / personal?

3. Does your job depend on staying in?

4. How comfortable are you with others knowing?

 

I'm sure there is much more to this, and I attempted to be as in depth as I could for being a newb...

 

SO... to answer the question, we are psuedo-outed. And no, we would have no problem with most anyone knowing.

[Speed & Trixie 163]

Nope... we have no problem being outed. As stated before... Our Mother's don't need to know, but even if they did find out they would be shocked, then it would just sink in and fade away. We would not be disowned or anything. Just not something parents really need to know, you know?

 

Most all of our work mates know. She used to work with me at the same job... I am still there and have stated to many that we enjoy one of the local swingers clubs. Funny thing is... moat people did not seem surprised!

[WildMiCouple 325]

It wouldn't bother me if we were outed. I really couldn't care less. Tam might lose a little sleep over it, but she's beginning to care less and less about it.

 

Work isn't a problem as I'm the boss Everyone in the office knows we take nekkid vacations to Hedo and Desire. My secretary even saw my email name on hotmail. That brought a smirk to her face. All she has to do is google it and up pops Swingersboard She even jokingly asked once if we were going to a swingers meet and greet that a radio station was hosting. I replied "If we were swingers, a radio station hosting a meet and greet would be the last place we'd go. The majority of the people there would just be gawkers."

 

All of our vanilla friends know where we vacation too. That and how much Tam flirts.....not to mention her throwing out sex comments(quite a few know she's a squirter)....has many wondering I'm sure. Only had a few ask us if we're swingers. I never denied it, just dodged it by asking "Now why would you ask that question?"