Do you need to feel attracted to your playmate when swinging?

[cpl36996 91]

My wife feels she has to feel attached to the other male in order to have an mfm or at least feel some attraction. Is this is true in all women when swinging?

[LFM2 1,482]

Not for us. We keep it simple. It's just sex.

[lustylearning 705]

Ummm, attracted, yes. Attached, no.

[hornykat74 15]

For me that has to be some kind of attraction, both physically and intellectually. If I can't hold a conversation with someone, then no matter how hot I think they are, nothing will happen

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here-- I always feel a connection to any person I have sex with. Now, what's really important is that you realize it's just for the moment. Even with regular play partners, any connection should exist in the moment only. If you continue with it after playtime you will seriously be messing with your head

[cpl36996 91]

Thank you ladies for your input on the subject.

 

I try to explain to her she has to see these guys as playtime, not as a replacement, Maybe my words were not clear enough to her. How should I approach this with her?

[3sumff 31]

I found out a long time ago that all the people we have swung with. My gf was not very attracted to all the male part. Faked all the time, but once. Man, she is good at faking it! It leaves me wondering....lol! She let me know there needs to be some connection between her and the other guy. I just would like to see her have a good time. Period

[sweet_tna 680]

It's sure as hell true for me. Why would I want to have sex with someone I'm not attracted to?

 

=)

[realcplub2 513]

I would say she is still having difficulty seperating the whole emotional side.. the differences between love and sex..

 

Its a daunting task, for some impossible.. When we ran up against this, i just explained it like this, suppose we went out, nice place, dance floor, DJ, or Band, if someone came up and asked her to dance, would she decline if it was Ok with me, and at the end of the night, its still just us.. regardless of who she DANCED with?

 

The arguement was but thats just dancing.. To which I countered, yes it dancing, and this is just sex.. Short term sex at that, like a evening dancing, or a day out playing softball or touch football.. There are no emotional components involved in those, If you can enjoy the FUN in the activity.

 

If you feel comfortable, with the situation and the person.. which can be a stumbling point.. why not go for it?

[red96 17]

My Mrs. has to have a physical attraction to our playmate, but emotions are left out of the picture.

[socolais 696]

I'm not really sure how to define "attraction", but I do need to feel something toward a playmate in order for me to have fun with it. Sometimes I'm turned on by her appearance and I always need to be able to communicate effectively with her. I need to be able to respect her as an intelligent individual that takes pride in her herself and her accomplishments. It should be someone I feel an urge to "show her a good time" and perhaps contribute toward a lasting friendship. If any attraction remains after the playtime, I want it to be friendly.

[quivers4me 49]

There has to be an attraction of some sort for me to want to have sex with a man (or woman). I was at a LS party last night and about half the men there were a turn off for me. Why? Who knows, just no chemistry for me. The other half I could have very well been turned on by.

 

Now that does not mean that I would develop any type of emotional connection with them past wanting to have sex. I'm in this to have fun and explore my sexual, sensual side. It's only sex and for me it will stay that way. As soon as I feel I can't maintain that attitude it is time for me to get out of the LS.

[jjtrindc 142]

Hmmm...attraction, yes...but "connection" more so. Does the guy have to be totally hot with rock hard abs? Doesn't hurt, but that isn't going to seal the deal. Has to be some sort of mental connection...smart, funny, interesting...for my wife to really be interested. We totally respect others who can "jump in the pile" and come out with a smile, but right now we need to have some other basis for getting naked with others.

[hornykat74 15]

 

Its a daunting task, for some impossible.. When we ran up against this, i just explained it like this, suppose we went out, nice place, dance floor, DJ, or Band, if someone came up and asked her to dance, would she decline if it was Ok with me, and at the end of the night, its still just us.. regardless of who she DANCED with?

 

The arguement was but thats just dancing.. To which I countered, yes it dancing, and this is just sex..

 

This explanation struck a chord with me. I see it kind of similar. I'll see if I can explain. I see playmates as additions to OUR sex life. Kind of like vibrators, porn and handcuffs. All these things add to the arousal factor of what occurs between me and Mr K&T. People are no different. I still need to be aroused by all these things, so it's not any different when adding people to the equation. If that vibrator or porno we are watching doesn't do it for me, we aint going to use it! So if there is no attraction to a person, I'm not going to play with them.

 

Now I'm not suggesting that people are like objects, but it helps me to see them as an addition, not the main objective. So yes, it's sex with other people, but they are enhancing the intimate sex I have with Mr K&T.

 

Cheers, Mrs K&T

p.s I know I answered this already, but when reading the above response, these thoughts popped into my head

[Playful1 434]

Attracted yes, be that physically or mentally, or both hopefully. attached, heck no. I dont want to get attached, beyond maybe friendship if that happens.

 

For me, it's just sex, so I don't feel any need to be attached emotionally to the guy or girl.

[lovers 25]

my wife feels she has too feel attach to the other male in oder to have an mfm or at least feel some atraction. is this is true in all women when swinging?

 

It is for my wife.

[Brian and Jo 344]

Jo here. Yes there definitely has to be some chemistry between me and a man before I will have sex with him. That certainly includes physical attraction - I just can't imagine myself in bed with a guy with a huge beer belly! It also includes something on the mental side too e.g. a good sense of humour, ability to conduct an interesting conversation etc.

[PB&J 1,086]

Why would I have sex with someone who didn't in some sense turn me on, especially intellectually? If the minds don't click, there's no way the bodies will.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Definately have to be attracted but not attached. This isn't a romance, it's just sex. And yes to have sex with someone I need to be attracted to them on some level.

[lovinher 505]

It's sure as hell true for me. Why would I want to have sex with someone I'm not attracted to?

 

=)

 

Big difference between attraction and attachment. The OP stated attachment.

 

But I knew what you meant.

 

For us there has to be an attraction. Attachment could be a problem for many.

It's all about sex, nothing more.

[sweet_tna 680]

Big difference between attraction and attachment. The OP stated attachment.

 

But I knew what you meant.

 

For us there has to be an attraction. Attachment could be a problem for many.

It's all about sex, nothing more.

 

Yeah, I caught that after it was too late to edit my response. I still stand by it, though.

 

Attachment IS a whole 'nother ball of wax . . . one I'd just as soon stick a wick in and burn! Seriously, while we do find ourselves attracted to friendly and likeable people, we don't need to be best buddies to hook up. If a friendship develops with our playmates, then great--but it's not the main attraction.*

 

*Pun intended.

 

=)

[j&rcouple 42]

In the real world not everyone in the group are good looking so one of each couple has to take one for the team it has happened to us and we are sure the other couple has said the same about us

[mixtupcpl 169]

This thread begs an interesting question. If one partner really cant separate emotion from sex, why should they "learn" to?

 

To be honest, if Mrs Mix said "I can only have sex with a guy I'm deeply connected to", I would just shelve the entire idea as fantasy rather than try to get her to view it differently and see things as "just physical"

 

I guess I'm just not a big believer in people stepping out of their comfort zone when there is no real need to. And I think that the folks who have real trouble separating sex from a true emotional bond maybe shouldnt be doing this at all. If you have a partner you love and trust deeply and completely enough to be able to discuss this topic in a rational way, and you really only enjoy sex with a person you really love, then it seems like you're all set and trying to unlearn that or introduce behavior that isnt fully natural for you (even if you ARE open to it), is a recipe for trouble.

 

Just one opinion of course and certainly not meant as a critique of anyone's individual choices.

[PB&J 1,086]

In the real world not everyone in the group are good looking so one of each couple has to take one for the team it has happened to us and we are sure the other couple has said the same about us

 

So a person is only worth doing if they are good-looking? Personality counts for nothing? In my book, "taking one for the team" would mean having sex with a person who didn't arouse my interest because of the lack of capacity for intelligent conversation. And will not happen. For instance, a person who judges the worthiness of others solely on the basis of appearance wouldn't get a chance at me.

[mixtupcpl 169]

To be fair, I guess the folks who can totally compartmentalize and treat sex as PURELY physical MUST feel physical attraction. That would be the inevitable "downside", I think, to being able to do that.

 

I mean if its just physical, the only attraction is, well, physical. They're either unwilling, or unable, to view the person in a deeper way because they want to keep it on that level.

 

I think once you can want to have sex with someone who isnt physically attractive to you, you're working at a deeper level and some degree of emotional connection is in play.

[aster 20]

i need to be moderately physically attracted, and very "personality" attracted. not to the same degree as if i were to date someone, just enough to have some fun.

[cocpl2007 170]

For me that has to be some kind of attraction, both physically and intellectually. If I can't hold a conversation with someone, then no matter how hot I think they are, nothing will happen

 

 

 

Cheers, Mrs K&T

 

Ditto! well, not really it is Double DITTO!

[Cafe10s 7]

If not aren't you taking one for the team?

[TropicalCpl 15]

If not aren't you taking one for the team?

 

My thought - in swinging - no one should ever 'take one for the team'! I'd need some sort of attraction - not attachment - to have sex. If I didn't have that attraction, Mr. Tropical wouldn't want me to 'take one for the team', nor would I ever want him to 'take one for the team'. We both need to have some sort of attraction.

 

Mrs. Tropical

[SexyNSingle 15]

For me that has to be some kind of attraction, both physically and intellectually. If I can't hold a conversation with someone, then no matter how hot I think they are, nothing will happen

 

Cheers, Mrs K&T

 

Same with me, even as a single swinging woman. Sex is sex yes that is true, but if I can't talk to you down the road with or without playing......

[funnewthings 15]

I've been trying to explain this to my guy.

 

I am new to this, he is not.

 

I am not looking to make any kind of "attachment" to anyone, so attraction is key.

 

We search through couples together, and he gets annoyed that even though the chick is hot, the guy is not even remotely attractive, the means NO INTEREST on my part. There has to be some kind of physical attraction, as I am not looking for a relationship! He says I am too picky as I don't want someone more than double my body weight, (unless its in muscle) or old enough to be my parent.

 

It also seems to me a lot of un attractive men, or men with sexual disabilities are into the lifestyle with their wives, in hopes they can get them satisfied, so they stay with them. So why are they looking for couples then? Why bother? Go after single men! I am not into this to sit and watch.

 

My last peeve about attraction, is why don't the men flirt with me at all? Myself and my guy are attractive, thin, funny, nice people. I see the women go ga ga over him, yet their men seem to have very little interest in me at all... Not sure if its because they are jelous over my guy, or because they don't know how to flirt. I get hit on constantly outside of this... so why is it so hard to find a couple with a guy that will flirt or show interest in me in the lifestyle? Are they afraid of pretty girls?

 

Maybe I need the high powered beer goggles? They seem to work well for the men folk:lol:

[Pepper & Drew 384]

It also seems to me a lot of un attractive men, or men with sexual disabilities are into the lifestyle with their wives, in hopes they can get them satisfied, so they stay with them. So why are they looking for couples then? Why bother? Go after single men! I am not into this to sit and watch.

 

My last peeve about attraction, is why don't the men flirt with me at all? Myself and my guy are attractive, thin, funny, nice people. I see the women go ga ga over him, yet their men seem to have very little interest in me at all... Not sure if its because they are jelous over my guy, or because they don't know how to flirt. I get hit on constantly outside of this... so why is it so hard to find a couple with a guy that will flirt or show interest in me in the lifestyle? Are they afraid of pretty girls?

I don't know you, so I could be way off base, but here's my impression based on the few paragraphs you wrote: Maybe guys aren't flirting with you because they feel a vibe that you're putting off. It seems to me from your words that you feel like you should have the guys all going ga ga over you and that it's all up to them to woo you, like this is a singles bar. It is a different dynamic. Typically, women are more forward, and those who hang back and wait for everyone to come to them, may be waiting a while.

 

Or, maybe you're not approachable. Maybe you don't seem like you're having any fun, or that you are any fun, or that you're too good for them to flirt with, or just that you're putting off the vibe of 'I'm new, I'm not comfy with this.' Just because you're attractive and thin doesn't mean you're going to be any fun in bed...which ultimately is the goal for most in the lifestyle.

 

I'm not saying what you're really like...I'm talking about the perception that guys have about you based on what they see and feel. A lot of swingers are very perceptive, and put a lot of value into non-verbal cues. What type of non-verbal cues might you be giving these non-flirty guys? I think that might be the key to your peeve.

 

Or, you could be totally dead-on, and these guys are all socially inept.

 

Pepper

[LFM2 1,482]

I think I have to amend my answer to this somewhat. Jeez, I didn't realize how "easy" I sounded. I apologize for my curt answer.

 

Yes, there has to be some sort of attraction, be it personality wise or something for me to want to have sex with them. There is no feelings of emotional attachment which is what I thought you were meaning in the original question.

[Tia Vampire 167]

We both voted yes, there has to be some kind of attraction. Just going out having sex with just anyone would be a bummer. We guess you would get more play time that way, but just out to get laid no matter what the person look like would say to us that this person is just out to add notches to their belt. Plus the sex would not be that great it seems when your just forcing the attraction to work. Sorry, but there has to be something there for us to go all the way with a couple.

[mixtupcpl 169]

I am not looking to make any kind of "attachment" to anyone, so attraction is key.

 

I'm inclined to think that Pepper really got it right here, but just for an alternative perspective...

 

Maybe you're just not the right "match" for your area. I think this can happen. Not sure where you're located, but try going to a major metropolitan area and attending a get together at one of the "exclusive" clubs or something. The type where only Ken and Barbie are allowed in

 

Or, if you are within travel distance of a major metro, make the effort to travel. When I peruse NYC or LA SLS ads, I see a LOT of VERY good looking people.

 

Unless of course you've done that and still found no one up to snuff. In that case, you may need to switch to celebrity level swinging... Swinging with Brangelina

 

In all seriousness, I think a disparity in how the genders are wired plays into this though. I really don't think its that there are all of these super hot wives married to ugly guys who are trying to "get them satisfied because they cant" I think some of it is that some women choose qualities in a man to marry that are far more important than looks, but then in someone they're just going to fuck, expect a very high level of physical perfection.

 

So in couples swapping, for women who focus pretty much entirely on the physical, it seems you can end up with lots of "marriage material" guys getting really hammered unfairly because they're not "dream fuck" material. I guess what maybe ends up happening is these women getting to enjoy single guys and, presumably, lots of "marriage material" husbands happy with that (despite not getting any for themselves). For Mrs Mix and I, we'd just rather keep searching for some couple that is just a good match for us all around.

 

Maybe for you guys you should just pick up singles.

[friskyous 17]

It's sure as hell true for me. Why would I want to have sex with someone I'm not attracted to?

 

=)

 

Got that right

[funnewthings 15]

I guess you can't really read into what I have said without knowing why... These have been my experiences so far.

 

I am not looking for a supermodel, but seriously the men have to be remotely attractive, able to hold a convo, and show at least a little interest. oh yeah... and get it up.

 

I am still new to this, and we don't represent that in any other fashion.

 

I am also very outgoing, I talk to them, I make eye contact, I smile. I am friendly. I am not overly assertive though, and not going to just jump in the lap of someone elses man, especially someone I JUST met, without feeling them out and seeing what they are about.

 

I have already had 2 couples lie to me. There is one couple who are "newbies" or so they say... They contacted us, I looked at their profile, and it seemed they were only looking for a man. When I spoke to the husband he assured me I was reading into it wrong. We went and hung out with them, they were nice, but had lied about quite a few things, AGE was one, he was about 6-7 years older than they said (which made him almost 10 years over my typical age range), she was 2 years older than they told us. Yet they stated after it came out they weren't the age they listed, she was 2 years older, he was "a year older than her".

 

They then continued that they went to the same high school, but were not in it at the same time... I let it slide. Early in our "date" the wife kept running off to go dance to this cover band, not really making convo. I attempted numerous times to strike up convo with the husband, and was met with reply's of yes, no, or hummm...

 

She and I seemed to click as the night got later, their profile said she was Bi- curious, as am I. We ended up talking more and more as the night progressed. Ok, cool right? Well she invites us to their house, and we stated that NOTHING would happen. So we went to their house, chatted for a while, then us girls went off to go talk alone for a few.

 

This is when she dropped the bomb. She basically told me that she has no interest in women, or seeing her man with another one. We were in the middle of this convo and her husband came to get us. I was feeling very used at this point. I tried to relay this info to my guy, he went to the bathroom as he seemed to know I wanted to leave, I sat talking to her. The next thing I know she jumps up, leaving me with her husband, she chased my guy down and tried putting moves on him, while her husband grabbed my by the back of the head and tried to kiss me to distract me from what was going on. By this time there was no interest. I felt deceived.

 

Then another couple we met, seemed to be going ok, met a couple times, talked online.... the wife was in control. She seemed cool, but before anything happened, they were trying to invite us to family bbq's and crap like that... not my thing.

 

We finally had them over for a play date. He husband was not even remotely good looking, but we seemed to hit it off convo wise, so I decided to give it a shot. I made a fabulous dinner, they didn't even touch it. We started playing cards after, and they insisted we sit with each others partner on the opposite sides of the table. My guy touched her leg, her man got jealous, and jammed his hand in my crotch.

 

I was a little unnerved by this... But I thought maybe my guy was touching her? Also by this time sitting at the table was uncomfortable as I have circulation problems due to an old leg injury, so I said lets go in the room and see what happens. I was attracted to her, and she claimed he was awesome in bed. So I gave it a shot.

 

We get to the room, and she goes down on him, and stays there, hair covering everything.... I play with my boy a little and he re positions me so I can play with him, he can play with her, and her man can play with me...

 

Her husband barely touched me, and when he did he was rubbing me like he was using brillo on rust, so I tried slowing his hand down, no avail. 20 minutes later she is still in this odd position. I wasn't being touched by anyone... He cant get hard... at all, not even for her. Then they blame it on his "medical condition" that they never told us about before then, claiming, "well hes numb from the waist down". WTF?

 

So they jump up start making excuse after excuse, then run out. The next day I got blamed for everything. The only thing I know I did do, was my sig other told me to try and help her get him hard. Well he had my pussy in his face, and didn't try anything. I tried touching him with no response. His penis was non existent at this point, so honestly I was pretty turned off. But this was almost an hour into play!

 

My man thinks he was jealous and that was the issue.

 

So both of those were my fault right?

 

I am not a supermodel either, but I know I am decent looking, as I have no problem getting attention from men.

 

I am not trying to be closed minded, or anything, I even attempted play with a guy who was not ideal.

 

I have no problems having sex... I am good at it, or so I am told... I expect the same thing in my sex partners.

 

I have taken an active role in looking for people as well, for this very reason, but when people lie, or tell half truths, I cannot control another's actions, as I expect people to be as truthful as I am.

 

And seriously you can be super hot, but being a liar will turn me off in a heart beat.

 

I hope this doesn't offend, I just want to let ya all know where I am coming from, and why I seem somewhat jaded.

 

Did anyone else have these sort of things happen when they started out?

[mixtupcpl 169]

Well we're getting only one side of the story here, but I will react to it on face value.

 

Based on what you're saying, those are two really shitty experiences and obviously you're not at fault. Bad luck maybe? I know that with Mrs Mix and I the above could just never happen the way you described if we were on the other end.

 

1) if someone cooks a great dinner, we're eating it... LOL

 

2) neither of us would accept anyone being ignored in any of this (me, her, them, whatever)

 

3) there should be no lying at all... its idiotic since obviously you'll be found out pretty much as soon as you say "hi"

 

4) my view is a guy should always be fully focused on pleasuring the woman and (ESP someone in the LS) SHOULD be able to figure out what to do with a pussy in his face...LOL

 

5) obvious jealousy issues with the couple would be a HUGE red flag for me and Mrs. Not sure how you get to the point where your wife is giving a guy a blowjob or handjob or whatever and THEN realize you're jealous, but it DOES happen

 

I'd say based on the above maybe you just have bad luck? Or possibly need to be more cynical in your screening process?

 

Also, this is a very different take on things then your first post which was really more along the lines of "the wives are good looking and the husbands are ugly and impotent" (hence the change in feedback)

[funnewthings 15]

Well we're getting only one side of the story here, but I will react to it on face value.

 

Based on what you're saying, those are two really shitty experiences and obviously you're not at fault. Bad luck maybe? I know that with Mrs Mix and I the above could just never happen the way you described if we were on the other end.

 

1) if someone cooks a great dinner, we're eating it... LOL

 

2) neither of us would accept anyone being ignored in any of this (me, her, them, whatever)

 

3) there should be no lying at all... its idiotic since obviously you'll be found out pretty much as soon as you say "hi"

 

4) my view is a guy should always be fully focused on pleasuring the woman and (ESP someone in the LS) SHOULD be able to figure out what to do with a pussy in his face...LOL

 

5) obvious jealousy issues with the couple would be a HUGE red flag for me and Mrs. Not sure how you get to the point where your wife is giving a guy a blowjob or handjob or whatever and THEN realize you're jealous, but it DOES happen

 

I'd say based on the above maybe you just have bad luck? Or possibly need to be more cynical in your screening process?

 

Also, this is a very different take on things then your first post which was really more along the lines of "the wives are good looking and the husbands are ugly and impotent" (hence the change in feedback)

 

Yeah you pretty much got it...

 

Sometimes when I get going things don't come out right.

 

Oddly enough she contacted me today to tell me how much she still digs me... So I told her how I felt, how she was very offensive in what she said about me the next day to my guy (she didnt seem to realize I was also there reading what she was typing) and that she thinks we should be friends.

 

If she hadn't tore me apart the next morning, I would have gladly been her friend, we have a lot in common, and share a lot of the same views. However I have come to the point in my life that I don't let anyone belittle me or make me feel bad about myself.

 

So yeah... I think screening more carefully is important, and maybe trying to deal with people who aren't also "new" to the couples thing might help.

 

Thanks for the feedback, I do appreciate it!

[sweet_tna 680]

I guess you can't really read into what I have said without knowing why... These have been my experiences so far.

 

I am not looking for a supermodel, but seriously the men have to be remotely attractive, able to hold a convo, and show at least a little interest. oh yeah... and get it up.

 

I am still new to this, and we don't represent that in any other fashion.

 

I am also very outgoing, I talk to them, I make eye contact, I smile. I am friendly. I am not overly assertive though, and not going to just jump in the lap of someone elses man, especially someone I JUST met, without feeling them out and seeing what they are about.

 

I have already had 2 couples lie to me. There is one couple who are "newbies" or so they say... They contacted us, I looked at their profile, and it seemed they were only looking for a man. When I spoke to the husband he assured me I was reading into it wrong. We went and hung out with them, they were nice, but had lied about quite a few things, AGE was one, he was about 6-7 years older than they said (which made him almost 10 years over my typical age range), she was 2 years older than they told us. Yet they stated after it came out they weren't the age they listed, she was 2 years older, he was "a year older than her".

 

They then continued that they went to the same high school, but were not in it at the same time... I let it slide. Early in our "date" the wife kept running off to go dance to this cover band, not really making convo. I attempted numerous times to strike up convo with the husband, and was met with reply's of yes, no, or hummm...

 

She and I seemed to click as the night got later, their profile said she was Bi- curious, as am I. We ended up talking more and more as the night progressed. Ok, cool right? Well she invites us to their house, and we stated that NOTHING would happen. So we went to their house, chatted for a while, then us girls went off to go talk alone for a few.

 

This is when she dropped the bomb. She basically told me that she has no interest in women, or seeing her man with another one. We were in the middle of this convo and her husband came to get us. I was feeling very used at this point. I tried to relay this info to my guy, he went to the bathroom as he seemed to know I wanted to leave, I sat talking to her. The next thing I know she jumps up, leaving me with her husband, she chased my guy down and tried putting moves on him, while her husband grabbed my by the back of the head and tried to kiss me to distract me from what was going on. By this time there was no interest. I felt deceived.

 

Then another couple we met, seemed to be going ok, met a couple times, talked online.... the wife was in control. She seemed cool, but before anything happened, they were trying to invite us to family bbq's and crap like that... not my thing.

 

We finally had them over for a play date. He husband was not even remotely good looking, but we seemed to hit it off convo wise, so I decided to give it a shot. I made a fabulous dinner, they didn't even touch it. We started playing cards after, and they insisted we sit with each others partner on the opposite sides of the table. My guy touched her leg, her man got jealous, and jammed his hand in my crotch.

 

I was a little unnerved by this... But I thought maybe my guy was touching her? Also by this time sitting at the table was uncomfortable as I have circulation problems due to an old leg injury, so I said lets go in the room and see what happens. I was attracted to her, and she claimed he was awesome in bed. So I gave it a shot.

 

We get to the room, and she goes down on him, and stays there, hair covering everything.... I play with my boy a little and he re positions me so I can play with him, he can play with her, and her man can play with me...

 

Her husband barely touched me, and when he did he was rubbing me like he was using brillo on rust, so I tried slowing his hand down, no avail. 20 minutes later she is still in this odd position. I wasn't being touched by anyone... He cant get hard... at all, not even for her. Then they blame it on his "medical condition" that they never told us about before then, claiming, "well hes numb from the waist down". WTF?

 

So they jump up start making excuse after excuse, then run out. The next day I got blamed for everything. The only thing I know I did do, was my sig other told me to try and help her get him hard. Well he had my pussy in his face, and didn't try anything. I tried touching him with no response. His penis was non existent at this point, so honestly I was pretty turned off. But this was almost an hour into play!

 

My man thinks he was jealous and that was the issue.

 

So both of those were my fault right?

 

I am not a supermodel either, but I know I am decent looking, as I have no problem getting attention from men.

 

I am not trying to be closed minded, or anything, I even attempted play with a guy who was not ideal.

 

I have no problems having sex... I am good at it, or so I am told... I expect the same thing in my sex partners.

 

I have taken an active role in looking for people as well, for this very reason, but when people lie, or tell half truths, I cannot control another's actions, as I expect people to be as truthful as I am.

 

And seriously you can be super hot, but being a liar will turn me off in a heart beat.

 

I hope this doesn't offend, I just want to let ya all know where I am coming from, and why I seem somewhat jaded.

 

Did anyone else have these sort of things happen when they started out?

 

 

Sounds like ya'll had a rotten run of luck starting out. It might make me a bit jaded, too.

 

It might be a good idea for ya'll to take a little more time to get to know potential playmates a little better before getting naked. It may be frustrating, but it might help you weed out the whackos.

 

I hope your next experience is WAY better.

 

=)

[exploringRM 305]

I was going to start a similar topic, but found this instead, so I'll add on a bit, hopefully along the same subject. Yes, we need to feel attracted to our playmate. That attraction has numerous variables of course, not all physical, but the physical aspect plays a big part. I sometimes worry that we are being too shallow, but on the other hand we need to enjoy what we are doing. We consider ourselves and attractive, young looking couple..but that probably doesn't mean much as it's our opinion, lol.

 

We've a little new to swinging and our selective-ness has not stopped us from meeting and playing, but I worry that it may limit our opportunities. In our age range (very late 40s) the wife is finding that she has no interest in many of the men from a physical attraction perspective.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Sometimes it's a physical attraction. Sometimes a mental attraction. But, has to be some kind of attraction.

[richwig 16]

Yes.

 

But the attraction doesn't have to just be physical. Intelligence and a good personality goes a long way with both of us.

[exploringRM 305]

Yes.

 

But the attraction doesn't have to just be physical. Intelligence and a good personality goes a long way with both of us.

 

I agree. Have met and played with couples where if we saw their online profiles first we might not have considered them..sometimes it's just a poor picture. But we've all experienced the "it ain't gonna happen" regardless of how engaging they are.

 

My wife tells me I think or dwell too much and perhaps true, but I just feel bad saying no, especially when we've been with a couple in social situations (party or M&G). We're just not out the shag everyone in site. And if that's what someone is into, then that's fine with us and sometimes I wish we could be more swingerblind. We are selective/picky, and wondering if we are the normal among swingers? I get the impression that over the years, swinging has gone from a sex free for all, to couples looking for quality interactions with people they may want to become friends with (after sex).

[LilyPuss 16]

We both have require some sort of chemistry, physical, or mental. Though there are some that are just so unattractive, to us, that no matter the mental connection, it just won't happen, for either of us; our bodies won't respond the way they need to for a wonderful encounter for all involved.

[LFM2 1,482]

Sometimes it's a physical attraction. Sometimes a mental attraction. But, has to be some kind of attraction.

 

Jeez, you said in three sentences what I wanted to in two different posts.

[J&RNNJ 15]

We are looking for someone to join us for a MFM. The wife also has stated she needs to be attracted to him, which to me makes total sense. I want her toenjoy herself and be really into it. We did have someone who we were comfortable with and it worked well, but she wasn't as attracted to him as she would have liked. So we are lookin'.

 

Jim & Rebecca

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Re: Do you need to feel attracted to your playmate when swinging?

I just read this title for the umpteenth time and got to thinking if you combine this title with the title of the "dark room orgy" where you don't know what or who is doing the grabbing/poking/touching.....then maybe the attraction factor can go down to????

 

And LFM2, I was taught a theory years ago, K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Stupid. I try to apply this on here as often as possible. It works.

[xxoticangel 99]

I have to be physically attracted to someone to have sex with them. Affection is something else.