The stigma of single men & swinging.

[CockStamper 26]

Why is there such a stigma attached to single men who want to experiment with couples? Yet there is such an open attitude towards women being involved? And I mean beyond the obvious (which is that couples want a woman to play with, because it adds to the options for a bi-female, and guys want another hole...lol).

 

But people act as if you're a creepy slimeball if you're a single man who wants to be involved with a couple. But to me it just seems unfair. Maybe I wanna fuck your wife too...lol.

 

Thoughts?

[CockStamper 26]

Rules for Single Males ...this page was helpful.

[mixtupcpl 169]

OK... Not to be an asshole, but your post kind of exemplifies why, for me at least.

 

I know (hope?) you're probably partially joking, but you're pretty much displaying the attitude many of us RUN from.

 

Glad you may want to "fuck my wife too", but that privilege is reserved for me, and other folks who are actual genuine participants in this LS and respect it and each others marriages.

 

I'm sure there are lots of women out there who want X man gangbangs or just an endless series of purely physical encounters with absolutely no meaning attached to them. Why dont the frustrated single males just head in that direction?

 

The ones who complain, I think, generally don't "get it" and the ones who "get it" will be patient. It's a great litmus test really.

[CockStamper 26]

mixtupcpl said:

OK... Not to be an asshole, but your post kind of exemplifies why, for me at least.

 

I know (hope?) you're probably partially joking, but you're pretty much displaying the attitude many of us RUN from.

 

I was obviously joking...hence the lol (laugh out loud) and the use of an emoticon. I was using humor...

 

I don't know much about the "LS", but am here to learn.

[realcplub2 513]

Cockstamper, if you are here to learn GREAT!.. But please read the posts, and learn the lessons from so many other assholes out there that really ruin it all

 

Want a perfect example..

 

We post plainly within our profiles pretty mucht he same thing, we arent looking for single guys, and explain WHY

 

Lets face facts, I am sure your cock is DYNAMIC, WONDEROUS, STUPENDOUS..

 

Fuckin Great.. BUT, if you feel like so many OTHER single guys to use that as your selling point to a couple.. Sorry, cause there are plenty of other COUPLES out there that, gee, the other MALE is sporting impressive wedding tackle too..

 

And they bring something else to the BBQ.. usually thier WIVES or SO..

 

We got a typical letter tonight, from a gent, that didnt read the profile appartent, and only found us thru a mutual friend.. but he wrote the text books example of WHY

 

After elliquently explaining all the wonderous things he wants to do to my wife, And give her the PRIVLEDGE of doing FOR him, he explained that he has a 9" cock, Three times in two paragraphs, that as its played with, sometimes, gets as big as 11 or 12 "..

 

WoW!! We were so impressed we replied..

 

and asked, did you actually READ our profile?

[mixtupcpl 169]

I was obviously joking...hence the lol (laugh out loud) and the use of an emoticon. I was using humor...

 

I don't know much about the "LS", but am here to learn.

 

Yeah, I'm up to speed on netiquette, but the tone of your post is kind of condescending, the joke is pretty ill advised considering the topic and your name is CockStamper. See what I'm saying here? Probably not. Prove me wrong then.

 

Otherwise I totally agree with Realcplub2. My wife and I are proceeding slowly in this and I'm already irritated with the SM bullshit (and I was prepared for it!)

 

The funny thing is, the more we talked, we've realized that SM might actually be something we'd do, but it seems like it would be a 1 in 100000000 shot that we'd find someone who isnt an asshole that ends up pissing both of us off (not a good place to be)

 

What I dont get is why arent all of these heaven sent ultra studs out fucking their way through the COUNTLESS single young women populating EVERY bar from coast to coast? Why buzz around swinger couples? To me, for a SM to be successful, he needs to (in addition obviously, to being someone my wife wants to fuck) demonstrate that he "gets" this whole thing and respects it.

[CockStamper 26]

Wow. First off, I don't think my penis is DYNAMIC, WONDEROUS, or STUPENDOUS. But it is my mine, and I love it nonetheless. Second, I clearly stated above that I made a mistake by even posting this thread...sorry again, but the board has a lot going on, and my ADHD didn't see the forum category for singles. When I found the rules posting, I read it thoroughly. And third, the name is a joke. Lighten Up.

 

And this large surplus of women running around out here is a myth. Especially if you don't fit the stereotypical mold of attractive. I am not ugly by any means, but what I am is short. It causes a lot of "Awww, he sure is cute...little fella." When I was younger it relegated me to the guy who girls wanted to be friends with, (then they'd promptly go sleep with my taller friends).

 

I had hoped to find a community of open-minded people here. Nothing more, nothing less.

[sexcupid 809]

Well...even though other board members don't want to beat a dead horse...I think I will.

 

We are primarily on the lookout for couples. Why? Because we both want to swap. I am not particuarly bi (it's very situationally dependent), so finding a SBF is not exactly at the top of our wish list like many other couples. We had a 3sum not long ago with one of our SF friends..and while it was an entertaining evening...since I hardly ever am interested in bi activity, it really was more along the lines of me rummaging thru the toy box and sitting on the sidelines. I was limited in my activities that evening...it wasn't a bad experience, but not as much fun for me as when there is another guy for me to play with.

 

The thing is, there are a ton of single guys out there looking to be in the lifestyle and couples are wary of them. Some are cheaters and jerks. It really is more of an uphill battle for a SM. The previously mentioned 3sum was supposed to be a full swap with our friend bringing a SM friend she had played with before. But he couldn't make it that night....because his girlfriend had found out about his 'swinging', had broken up with him, and was moving out of their house that weekend.

 

Adding to the uphill battle is the fact that if a club does admit single males, their numbers are restricted or they have to be sponsored in and some places require them to remain with their host couple. Your best bet is to find local meet and greets (most of them usually allow single males), get out there and actually meet people...if you just put up a profile somewhere and hope the offers come rolling in, you might be waiting a while.

 

Good luck,

[mixtupcpl 169]

I'll beat the horse too!!! I'm going to go a different route and say that your motives are wrong.

 

Maybe I need to lighten up and maybe I'm being rough on you, but I'm waiting for you to show me that you might be cut out for this.

 

It sucks that you have trouble in the single scene, but that tells me that you're viewing LS couples as an easy lay.

 

I gotta say man. You're going to have to develop a thick skin b/c this is a pretty sensitive topic among MANY swingers. Many of us want to find a good single guy. Seriously. But we dont want to be disrespected so the guard is up.

 

Before going to a meet and greet, spend time here and read and decide what your real motives are.

 

What is your view of people in this LS? The husbands? The wives? I'm not asking to fuck with you, I want to see where your head is at.

[CockStamper 26]

^^^Thank you for being helpful rather than confrontational. I appreciate it.

[mixtupcpl 169]

No problem. I always lead with confrontational, it's my style

 

Do you have answers to those questions though? There's really no wrong answer, I'm just curious.

[CockStamper 26]

I can appreciate what your saying, but if you go to the introduction thread I started after this, you'll see that you are probably wrong about my intentions. I'll let that thread speak for itself. I have been very open there, and you can feel free to go read it if you so choose.

 

But as I stated, I am not some maverick who thinks I am gods gift to women or anything like that. I am an old soul. I got married young and was prepared to live my life out with one person. And was damaged by my experience. Now I'm trying to find my own liberation through having survived that situation.

 

Often I find people my age, and younger to be shallow. Not just in what they want physically, but also just what they desire in life in general. There is a whole generation of people who lack any real in-depth experiences. And therefore I find it hard to relate to them. I more comfortable talking to a forty year old that a 20 year old, and it's been that way my whole life really...Old Soul.

 

I guess my impressions of people in the LS would have to be considered general. Because to be honest I don't really know any practitioners. I can only speak on what I had hoped. Which was that they would be honest, open-minded people who saw you for who you are, once accepted into their fold. I don't think it's all about sex even. I understand that there is sense of community and belonging, that comes with being a part of it. This is a fringe culture that has many mainstream detractors, so respect for the principles of the culture is an important tenant.

[Alura 2,774]

I'm 5'3" tall, CockStamper, and I will agree with you that there are women out there who care more about height than intellect. I have actually had tall women laugh out loud when I asked them out or even to dance.

 

I don't think you'll find a big difference between the women in the bars and the women in the lifestyle. Some play exclusively with tall guys. Accept that you can't change that and put your efforts into more interesting women.

 

Some women, however, are like my 5'9" wife who impressed me mightily when she said (on our first date), "I prefer to measure a man from the bottom of his heart to the top of his mind."

 

For us, if you come to swing, bring your wife. Don't take a bus to the Porsche Club meeting.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Why is there such a stigma attached to single men who want to experiment with couples? Yet there is such an open attitude towards women being involved?

It appears you've found some of the answers you're looking for based on your follow-up posts.

Generally, the stigma is attached only to those folks that "don't get it". You'll figure that out through reading the other threads in the category.

 

The other part is supply & demand. Not enough single bi-females out there to meet the demand, so, they tend to get a wider latitude in attitude.

 

Continue reading the forum, and learn from the stories and thoughts of the posts therein. There are some single men on this board that have been and are very successful swingers. Use their examples and attitudes as a road map to how to do it right.

 

I'm 5'3" tall, CockStamper, and I will agree with you that there are women out there who care more about height than intellect. I have actually had tall women laugh out loud when I asked them out or even to dance.

 

Yeah, but the respect you have on this board makes you about 7'6" around these parts.

[quivers4me 49]

Why is there such a stigma attached to single men who want to experiment with couples? Yet there is such an open attitude towards women being involved? And I mean beyond the obvious (which is that couples want a woman to play with, because it adds to the options for a bi-female, and guys want another hole...lol).

But people act as if you're a creepy slimeball if you're a single man who wants to be involved with a couple. But to me it just seems unfair. Maybe I wanna fuck your wife too...lol.

 

Thoughts?

 

OP - I read this post and your introduction. I'm a single female and have, as usual, been bombarded with emails from SM. Some of the things I have learned as I've gone along are these:

 

1. If a SM sends me a message, I don't want to read how big your dick is, how you are the best at eating pussy, how you'll be the best I've ever had. You don't know me and don't know what I've had.

 

2. If there are pictures I want to see more than just a dick picture. If you're a man I'm going to assume you have one.

 

3. Be willing to exchange a few emails so we can get to know each other a bit. I'm not here to fall in love but...there needs to be some connection for me to have sex with a man.

 

4. I don't want to hear you bad mouth your ex-wife, current wife, ex-gf, current gf.....and so on. Gives me the impression you are an asshole.

 

5. Just because I'm on a sex site does not mean I'm an easy, quick fuck. I have needs & desires that I am exploring now. I'm not looking to add notches to my bed post, just want to have some good friends that I can be sexual with.

 

I've used the word you in here but please take that as a general you, collective of many SM looking for women, not a specific you. I don't know if you have a profile on a site but if so, your chances at success will be better if you try to treat women you want to meet as a woman, not a fuck toy. I am going to assume this will be for many couples also.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Quivers4me is spot on. I'm a married male, so can't speak from her vantage point but much of what she says still resonates.

 

The reality is there's a lot of single men in this lifestyle that are looking for a quick, easy fuck. There's a lot of married men playing as single men. There's plenty of self absorbed men who try to flaunt their talents and equipment. My wife and I have zero, zero, zero interest in playing with these types.

 

If you're in the lifestyle, what you're looking for isn't what you will find in non-swing clubs. It's very different. Even though the near term outcome might be the same (having sex) it's still very different.

 

A single male attempting to be in this lifestyle is potentially dangerous if they do not understand what it really means to swing. Their motives could be all wrong. Their intentions might be so far out in left field as to make their own experiences miserable, and make the experiences hellish for the couples they play with.

 

Unfortunately, there's a lot of single males who play this lifestyle wrong, and they've generated a seriously bad reputation. That reputation permeates the forums, boards, and entire lifestyle.

 

What you face here is an uphill battle. Read what others have said, take it to heart, read some more, think deeply about the various issues, and see if you end up in a place where you really are a swinger. Doing anything else is a disservice to yourself, and you could regret it.

[CockStamper 26]

Hey, thanks to everybody involved for beating a dead horse...apparently this horse can still run...lol. Especially thanks to mixtupcpl for posing an important question which forced me to analyze my positions from a thoughtful perspective....I will learn.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Hey, thanks to everybody involved for beating a dead horse...apparently this horse can still run...lol. Especially thanks to mixtupcpl for posing an important question which forced me to analyze my positions from a thoughtful perspective....I will learn.

 

Since paraphrasing Star Wars seems to be all the rage on this forum of late...

 

(yoda)

Learned something you have I would say, mmm? hehehehehe!

(/yoda)

 

Don't get the impression, please, that you aren't welcome here. You are! Most emphatically! We are happy to help. For our part (my wife and I) we won't play with you until you really understand what swinging is and think of yourself as a swinger. But, when you do, get yourself to Indiana We'd love to "have" you

[Guest screaminggood]

And some of us do enjoy single men! And a quick fuck! What I'll tell you is that I never choose those men from the internet. I choose them in person.

[mixtupcpl 169]

The above posts have been brilliantly spot on and show what this community is all about.

 

My wife and I also don't have single men "locked out". hell, if its the "right" guy, she'll go play alone, but it *will* be the right guy.

 

I apologized to cockstamper for jumping the gun on him over on his intro thread, but this topic *is* a raw nerve.

 

Glad I could help in some way and feel free to pm if you have any questions.

[Alura 2,774]

two4youinswva said:

Yeah, but the respect you have on this board makes you about 7'6" around these parts.

 

What a nice compliment, two4youinswva! Thank you!

 

Mr. Alura

[quivers4me 49]

Hey, thanks to everybody involved for beating a dead horse...apparently this horse can still run...lol. Especially thanks to mixtupcpl for posing an important question which forced me to analyze my positions from a thoughtful perspective....I will learn.

 

CockStamper - Please don't take my comments to mean that I feel single men do not belong in the LS. I feel SM men are great and I look forward to meeting them. It just has been my experience many treat the lifestyle as a meat market and not an alternative lifestyle.

 

Please spend some time here, you are willing to learn, and should have some success. And again I was in no way trying to single you out in my previous post.

[TNT 1,155]

This thread seems to have taken a turn towards the better...which I'm glad to see Too many times when a single male joins here, they get jumped on from the first post, without being given a chance...this isn't the first thread it's happened in and it won't be the last.

 

You've learned your first lesson CockStamper...There are couples who DO NOT like single men and will never give you the time of day. There are couples who DO NOT play with single men, yet are polite and civil towards them. There are couples who DO play with single men and enjoy and treat them the same as they do other couples.

 

Right or wrong, it's just the way things are in the swinging world.

 

One of the most important things you can remember is....Look only for those couples who enjoy the company of single men and leave the others alone. READ the couple's profile so you know if they are looking for single men or not.

 

You've come to the BEST place there is to learn about swinging...Welcome and don't hesitate to ask any questions.

 

 

Teresa

[two42lovers 273]

Why is there such a stigma attached to single men who want to experiment with couples?

 

Hmmmm. We think you have that wrong. You are hearing this from people who don't play with solo guys. They are a minority in the lifestyle. (Just look at the polls re playing with solo guys here on SB.) More couples are open to playing with single guys than not. There are a LOT of successful solo guys in the lifestyle.

 

But people act as if you're a creepy slimeball if you're a single man who wants to be involved with a couple.

 

There's no accounting for taste, and there is no point in fretting about people's preferances. If they choose not to play with solo guys, you don't have a chance anyway - so why care what they think? If they aren't attracted to you, move on. Don't take rejection personally - they don't even know you.

 

BUT listen carefully to the posts in this thread. They are full of insight - and everyone answering you here is doing you a favor.

 

Bottom line for us personally is we play with solo guys, but more often than not we play with couples. Best bet is to find a swing partner and play as a couple. You will have many more options, and many more opportunities to play. Good luck!

[mixtupcpl 169]

This is going in an odd direction.

 

My wife and I most definitely would play with single guys. Thats not it at all. The problem isnt that some couples "dont play with" or "dont want them". For us, couples may be hard to find and, if we get an itch, having a single guy my wife likes around to scratch it would be great. For me, I travel a lot for business, and picking up some single vanilla girl in a bar is fairly easy.

 

The problem is that many single guys ARE slimeballs. The goal, in my opinion, for a single guy wanting to enter this lifestyle should be to:

 

1) understand WHY he wants to and make sure the reasons are right

2) be respectful of it

3) not be an ass

 

Now some couples who play with single guys might either not mind, or maybe even like I guess?, some guy who makes it clear he is just looking for an easy fuck from a "slut" (the kind of emails we get), but that isnt us and, I suspect, it isnt most LS couples.

 

I think a lot of couples DO and WOULD play with a single guy, but their guard is up because the husbands dont want to be treated like pimps and the wives dont want to feel like hookers.

 

Just 2 more cents on this.

[CockStamper 26]

So what EXACTLY makes a guy a slimeball? Define what the "right & "wrong" intentions are? "Intentions" is a word that gets used often on this board, so I am just looking for definition...the reason I press this point, is that it would seem from the poll posted in another section of this board that the primary objective of people here is SEX....by a 2-to-1 margin, so we're not really talking about intentions, as much as etiquette, right?....Mixtupcpl, you challenged me yesterday, so I expect something good outta you...

 

Give me an account of a bad experience, or something someone did to make you feel like they had crossed the lines of etiquette...just being curious. I am here to learn. And I am really enjoying the nuances of all this...the devil is in the details;)

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

So what EXACTLY makes a guy a slimeball? Define what the "right & "wrong" intentions are? "Intentions" is a word that gets used often on this board, so I am just looking for definition...the reason I press this point, is that it would seem from the poll posted in another section of this board that the primary objective of people here is SEX....by a 2-to-1 margin, so we're not really talking about intentions, as much as etiquette, right?....Mixtupcpl, you challenged me yesterday, so I expect something good outta you...

 

Give me an account of a bad experience, or something someone did to make you feel like they had crossed the lines of etiquette...just being curious. I am here to learn. And I am really enjoying the nuances of all this...the devil is in the details;)

 

There's no set answer. What would be slimeball behavior to one couple might come off as very sexy to another. That said, see the post by quivers4me above.

 

I think one thing that it is very important to remember when playing with others is that while you are in it to get what you want, you have to be respectful and considerate of what the other couple wants. Pushy is rarely sexy. Make sure that swinging is what you really want, rather than just a fling in the hay with someone. There is a difference. Understand it and embrace it before you swing.

 

 

By the way; you mentioned in answer to a welcome message that you got schooled. Ok, so maybe we did a little bit of this: but we really just want you to be this: Picture's worth a thousand words

[mixtupcpl 169]

Totally valid points. These are definite grey areas. One thing about that poll though, CockStamper, is note the actual replies (including mine)

 

We are all people who already have VERY strong foundations (with some exceptions, Im sure) but the LS people I see are FAR closer than most of the vanillas I know.

 

So the poll is reflecting that we dont need this to make the relationship stronger. Hence, its for the sex. Which most of us can take or leave if it werent fulfilling for BOTH of us.

 

And I think thats where a LOT of single guys cant "get it" because, quite frankly, MOST people arent wired this way.

 

So I get a ton of emails that are along the lines of "I want to fuck your whore wife" if I put her picture up. And keep in mind our profile says "couples only please"

 

So to me, the WRONG intentions are that the SM thinks that Im some kind of dickless loser who needs a surrogate to come in and do what needs to be done and my wife is an insatiable fuck doll (and she's asian, which makes it like 1000x worse) who is there to "take as much dick" as possible.

 

Sorry for getting crude, but that is the attitude that just SCREAMS from the SM emails we got (and didnt ask for!)

 

The right intentions, for me, are very easy. A guy that possibly would even be sharing his OWN wife if he had one and, at the very least, respects us (BOTH of us) and realizes he is getting access to a rare and special thing (not the wife, but being ALLOWED IN to the situation)

 

So "guy A", my wife is never fucking. Why would she want to? Those are the assholes she shunned when single. "Guy B", she'd fuck in a minute if she liked him and I'd be happy for her (even solo - Im not a big MFM fan)

 

Now some couples may just not care at all. And thats great for them! But I think a lot of couples at least somewhat think like I do.

[CockStamper 26]

There's no set answer. What would be slimeball behavior to one couple might come off as very sexy to another. That said, see the post by quivers4me above.

 

I think one thing that it is very important to remember when playing with others is that while you are in it to get what you want, you have to be respectful and considerate of what the other couple wants. Pushy is rarely sexy. Make sure that swinging is what you really want, rather than just a fling in the hay with someone. There is a difference. Understand it and embrace it before you swing.

 

 

By the way; you mentioned in answer to a welcome message that you got schooled. Ok, so maybe we did a little bit of this: but we really just want you to be this: Picture's worth a thousand words

 

HAHAHA...That sequence of emoticons are great!

 

mixtupcpl: I see what you're saying....What it really all comes down to is respect, communication, and preference. If a single male follows the guidelines dictated by those factors, there is no reason he can't be a successful participant in the LS.

 

AND I agree with you that most SM arent wired this way, but I'll expand that to state those most single PEOPLE aren't wired that way. That includes the single ladies...but the attitude towards them really does come down to supply and demand.

[mixtupcpl 169]

Oh completely! Single females arent exempt, thats just a whole different topic.

 

We actually totally avoid them! LOL! The reason there is that my wife isnt bi and, I can get my share in couple scenarios (which I REALLY like - I love the idea of connecting with a couple) or, if I am REALLY horny on the road for some reason, have a ONS. On the road for business there are a lot of opportunities with folks who are just looking for something quick and no strings and are unattached.

[Alura 2,774]

I'm just a hick Okie and sometimes have to ask dumb questions:

 

Mixtedupcpl: What's an "ONS?" (Edit: Oh, never mind. I figured it out.)

 

and,

 

CockStamper: I know in an earlier post that you defended your screen name by saying it was a joke. I don't get it. Could you explain it to me?

 

Your screen name did, however, remind me of a "wasn't then but is funny now" experience I had many years ago when I was single.

 

I was working as a cowboy in New Mexico. There was a female veterinarian, an employee of the U.S. Department of Agriculture, who was at the ranch inspecting livestock we were slaughtering. She and I spent a few passionate nights in her hotel room.

 

Along about the second night, after she had orally teased me to a solid state of readiness, she got up from the bed and rummaged through her tool bag. She came back and stamped "U.S. PRIME" on my erection in indelible ink.

 

It seems it took weeks to wear off!

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Alura said:

I was working as a cowboy in New Mexico. There was a female veterinarian, an employee of the U.S. Department of Agriculture, who was at the ranch inspecting livestock we were slaughtering. She and I spent a few passionate nights in her hotel room.

 

Along about the second night, after she had orally teased me to a solid state of readiness, she got up from the bed and rummaged through her tool bag. She came back and stamped "U.S. PRIME" on my erection in indelible ink.

 

It seems it took weeks to wear off!

 

that's hysterical!

[mixtupcpl 169]

Hahahahaha! That is nuts! (whoops! no pun there )

[CockStamper 26]

lmfao....that's crazy.

 

CockStamper is really just a funny mix of words my cousin came up with. I adapted it as a nickname, when I started an new email to be used for all "ADULT" activities. I thought it was funny. And oddly appropriate...

 

I wish I had a great story to go along with it.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

CockStamper said:

Why is there such a stigma attached to single men who want to experiment with couples? Yet there is such an open attitude toward women being involved? And I mean beyond the obvious (which is that couples want a woman to play with, because it adds to the options for a bi-female, and guys want another hole...lol).

But people act as if you're a creepy slimeball if you're a single man who wants to be involved with a couple. But to me it just seems unfair. Maybe I wanna fuck your wife too...lol.

 

Thoughts?

 

One important thing to remember is to just be yourself.

 

What would it take for you to let us have sex with your partner, wife, girlfriend ? Think about it..... Would you wonder about the stigma then ? Would you really ?

 

You could take notes till the end of time...... Won't do much good if the couple you want to play with sees through any bull shit anyhow. Besides, like I say. We found them.... Same with males in a club environment.

 

We have played with a number of single males. So far we have been selective.... The ones we played with and would again, are authentically themselves. None contacted us first... we contacted them. None tried to bust in on us while we were on-line with a chat and some interesting first liners like "HI" "M or F" " Whats your stats " those don't get far with that kind of intellect.... Common sense wouldn't ya think ?

 

How did they behave ? Respectful. Just like meeting anyone they might want to have sex with. I don't see any stigma awareness in any of them. They weren't about... "I know most guys "don't get" it but let me prove I am different"

 

Take for instance the last guy we played with and would again.

 

We wanted to play, plain and simple. We found a profile that looked interesting. We started the chat with "We find your profile interesting, have we caught you at a busy time ? " His reply. " Actually, I'm taking a break. I'm in the middle of mowing a 4 acre lot just checking my mail and cooling of before I head back out... It should take me a couple hours, and I see you prefer a phone call. Here is my number I have nothing to hide call anytime. I just need to get the mowing done before it rains "

 

Basically that was pretty cut and dry. No bullshit, see what I mean? We met for a drink and some appetizers. Took us about a half hour to agree we wanted to get a room and fuck... It's not that complicated... We are not about the stigma single males face... We are about the single males that can enhance our pleasure... It doesn't take a whole lot of time for us to decide if we want to fuck. We just need to see he has no hang ups. No potential drama. We may become friends... after we fuck. Sorry if the world see the stigma with single males. We could care less, we only need one... at the time.

 

Maybe I'm wrong, but so far it sounds like you are failing at getting people to respond to you. Make yourself interesting just being yourself. Give couples a reason to contact you... I know we have no complaints from the men we have initiated contact with So far, given the opportunity, we would play again .

[CockStamper 26]

 

Maybe I'm wrong, but so far it sounds like you are failing at getting people to respond to you. Make yourself interesting just being yourself. Give couples a reason to contact you... I know we have no complaints from the men we have initiated contact with So far, given the opportunity, we would play again .

 

You are incorrect. I haven't really tried to initiate anything with anyone. I decided it was smart to come here, and learn about the LS before dabbling. I was mostly talking about swing clubs exclusion of men...and the things I've seen on SLS, or random Craigslists posts.

 

I'm sorry if my generalizations have caused controversy. It was not my intention. But I am glad I posted on here. It has been very informative. And I've already learned a ton. And feel I will be greatly prepared for whenever an opportunity arises.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

So whats your view then. Why do you think there is a stigma toward single men?

[CockStamper 26]

As a beginner you start out at the most rudimentary level, (Unless you know someone who can pull you into it, which I assume is rare.) searching craigslist. And the disproportionate amount of mw4m to mw4w is staggering. That in and of itself wouldn't be shocking. But then you probably start to look into swingers clubs, and realize there is no place for you in those places either, because every one I looked at clearly stated that single men we're not allowed. But single women were often admitted at either a discount, or free. Then when I joined SLS (I am not a paying member yet, can't afford it at this moment) I saw the same thing regarding profiles I looked at....many if not most, stated that single men were not wanted....so it is easy to question whether or not there is place for you in the LS, when you are a single male.

 

Again, I'll go back to intentions. Most of our intentions are the same....sex. I could be wrong here, and if so please tell me...but if I was a single woman, the only thing you'd really care about was whether or not I was crazy and would cause you drama and headaches. And whether you were attracted to me....Not what my intentions were....But the same does not apply to men.

 

and THAT I judge off of the defensive reactions I have gotten here. I mean look at this beating a dead horse thread that is now 3 pages long....that has to validate my point somewhat, right?

 

fun4ds: you act like I'm "taking notes" and trying to pull the wool over someones eyes to disguise my assholishness, but that is just simply not the case. I am trying to be respectful and learn.

[iapr 24]

So what EXACTLY makes a guy a slimeball? Define what the "right & "wrong" intentions are? "

 

Swinging is not picking up chicks. It's not about fucking chicks. If you want to fuck chicks and do it on your terms do like every other guy and either go to a vanilla bar and pick up vanilla chicks or get a girlfriend.

 

Swinging is about couples bringing in other people into their bedroom as part of their sexual dynamic as a couple. In other words other people are an adjunct to their lovemaking as a couple.

 

So what that means to you as a single guy is if you want to bone some gal and do it on your terms and for your benifit you need to either pick up some single gal or get a girlfriend/wife. If you want to fuck my wife you are going to have to do it on our terms as a couple. If you are ok with the thought of being a talking dildo for a couple then you've come to the right place. If you want to screw chicks on your terms and do what you want to do then you have really come to the wrong place. Your chances of scoring are a lot higher in the vanilla community than here.

 

There are really only two legitimate purposes for a single man in the lifestyle,

 

#1 is an extra cock and extra set of hands and tongue in an MFM.

 

#2. Is an extra cock standing in line in a gang bang.

 

If you are wanting to be with a couple and be their little boy toy for a night then if you are good looking, well mannered and willing to do things completely on their terms and are able to perform with a woman's husband on the other side of her then you stand a good chance.

 

If you are striking out in the vanilla world and think that the swinger world is full of desparate sluts that will fuck anything you are really going to go down in flames.

[mixtupcpl 169]

.but if I was a single woman, the only thing you'd really care about was whether or not I was crazy and would cause you drama and headaches. And whether you were attracted to me....Not what my intentions were....But the same does not apply to men.

 

Can only speak for us, but we don't hold a double standard. If there were a single woman (again, we dont look for SF though), who viewed my wife as some loser who couldnt please her husband and saw an opportunity to pry me away (or whatever), then she'd be out on her ass no matter what she looked like.

 

Thats the central point for us. Don't disrespect our arrangement or us. Maybe we're sensitive, but this is a big point for us.

 

And for us, the walking dildo thing doesnt work either really. We need to know the people we fuck a bit. So for us, the guy isnt a walking dildo, he's a guy

 

BUT... that means he then has to pass the test. A female would have to pass the same test. Personally, I dont see it as a tough concept. No one wants to be made to feel like a freak, whore or loser (unless thats their kink). Its about sex, sure, but big deal... Once thats out of the way now there are a HUGE number of people who can fill the need. For a couple in the LS (for many at least) who they allow into their circle of trust is a big deal. Make sense?

[CockStamper 26]

WOW....there are so many things wrong with that last stement that I will go through it piece by piece and dismantle it.....

 

Swinging is not picking up chicks. It's not about fucking chicks. If you want to fuck chicks and do it on your terms do like every other guy and either go to a vanilla bar and pick up vanilla chicks or get a girlfriend.

 

It's not your place to say what the LS is for other people. For some SM, it may just be that. A place to find women to have sex with, but in a different environment that they may feel more comfortable in...How can you possibly define another persons experience?

 

Swinging is about couples bringing in other people into their bedroom as part of their sexual dynamic as a couple. In other words other people are an adjunct to their lovemaking as a couple.

 

For couples YES, but singles ARE a part of the culture.So to feel as if there perspective is not something that should be respected is a fairly irresponsible attitude to take...it would seem to me that you would be asking for trouble with such an elitist point of view.

 

So what that means to you as a single guy is if you want to bone some gal and do it on your terms and for your benifit you need to either pick up some single gal or get a girlfriend/wife. If you want to fuck my wife you are going to have to do it on our terms as a couple. If you are ok with the thought of being a talking dildo for a couple then you've come to the right place. If you want to screw chicks on your terms and do what you want to do then you have really come to the wrong place. Your chances of scoring are a lot higher in the vanilla community than here.

 

Here you say some valid things (which I will address), but I would hope that not all share your belief that single males are nothing more than a "Talking Dildo"...I mean seriously, is this the level of discussion you want to have? It seems rather crass, and unfortunate that you would say such a thing....

 

NOW the point of your interactions being on your terms would depend on many things, but I assume would generally be the observed standard. The nature of 2 on 1 would pretty much make that evident. But again these are the types of things I assume would be discussed when guidelines, and rules were laid down...again this would be more of preferences thing. Some couples may want to be dominate, others may want to watch, some may want to be dominated....just like any other situation.

 

There are really only two legitimate purposes for a single man in the lifestyle,

 

#1 is an extra cock and extra set of hands and tongue in an MFM.

 

#2. Is an extra cock standing in line in a gang bang.

 

AGAIN, crass, immature and unfortunate...I would hope this is not a common belief held in the LS. And from what I've read on here, there is much more of a sense of community than those statements indicate.

 

If you are wanting to be with a couple and be their little boy toy for a night then if you are good looking, well mannered and willing to do things completely on their terms and are able to perform with a woman's husband on the other side of her then you stand a good chance.

 

This is maybe the most reasonable statemant made during your reply, although I would say that this is probably not an absolute truth...

 

If you are striking out in the vanilla world and think that the swinger world is full of desparate sluts that will fuck anything you are really going to go down in flames.

 

Never said anything of the sort regarding sluts, or desperation. That is your own insecurity coming to light....And this is the most imporatant line of my whole response....I am not some loser who is "striking out in the vanilla world"...I am in the bullpen practicing my pitches. I am in no rush. All things come in due time. That's why I am here...

 

You can heave personal attacks at me all you want, you won't scare me away. I am intrigued beyond belief. And will continue to learn. Period.

[CockStamper 26]

Can only speak for us, but we don't hold a double standard. If there were a single woman (again, we dont look for SF though), who viewed my wife as some loser who couldnt please her husband and saw an opportunity to pry me away (or whatever), then she'd be out on her ass no matter what she looked like.

 

Thats the central point for us. Don't disrespect our arrangement or us. Maybe we're sensitive, but this is a big point for us.

 

And for us, the walking dildo thing doesnt work either really. We need to know the people we fuck a bit. So for us, the guy isnt a walking dildo, he's a guy

 

BUT... that means he then has to pass the test. A female would have to pass the same test. Personally, I dont see it as a tough concept. No one wants to be made to feel like a freak, whore or loser (unless thats their kink). Its about sex, sure, but big deal... Once thats out of the way now there are a HUGE number of people who can fill the need. For a couple in the LS (for many at least) who they allow into their circle of trust is a big deal. Make sense?

 

You, as always have made perfect sense. And I understand that sensitivity. The LS is a fringe culture that is vastly misunderstood outside of it's village walls. And I understand that there must be a dual sense of liberation, and insecurity that may come along with sharing your mate, to either side of the fence.

 

That should always be respected. A SM's intent should never be to come between a couple, but to share with a couple....

 

This shit is INTENSE...I love it...

 

Thanks mix!

[fun4Ds 1,098]

I really don't think there is a stigma on you or other single males unless you choose to do that to yourself. Its always a single male that brings these stigmas things up. What are you saying, Its not fair..... Well its not, sorry.

 

If I were single, I wouldn't worry about the stigma as much, as I would how to get a paid account on better sites than Graig's list. Then I would work on how to present something about myself that would attract couples like us, authentically.

 

Maybe if there wasn't so many single males out numbering the single females there wouldn't be a stigma at all . Thats why we don't call single males.. unicorns. But after living the lifestyle a while. We actually found good single males to be exactly that.. Unicorns in and of themselves.. Don't you think its actually the single males fault to have a stigma then ? How can you take this up with couples. We for one are even out numbered by single males. Thats like branding us with the stigma that couples don't want single males. A few of us do...

 

Just like a few of the single males will be what we are looking for....

 

Its just a case of being outnumbered, not labeled or having a stigma...

 

Just trying to help ya.... O.K. ? Didn't mean to put ya on the defense.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

And the stigma grows again...

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Again, I'll go back to intentions. Most of our intentions are the same....sex. I could be wrong here, and if so please tell me...but if I was a single woman, the only thing you'd really care about was whether or not I was crazy and would cause you drama and headaches. And whether you were attracted to me....Not what my intentions were....But the same does not apply to men.

 

Oh sure it does, we play with single females and single males. Equal opportunity swingers here We are selective with both. We know our fair share. You think we just chase after the women..... I could introduce you to a few who would argue that point with ya.

 

We are not your typical couple

[CockStamper 26]

BiloxiCouple said:

And the stigma grows again...

 

???????? This was vague...lol...

[Chicup 41]

Let's just boil this one down to the basics.

 

#1 - While for many couples the ROLE of a single male is that of a walking dildo, that does not mean they should be treated as an unfeeling inanimate object. In other words couples should be nice to them, even if they are uninterested in single males.

 

#2 - There isn't so much a stigma on single males as there is a gross over abundance. No matter what anyone thinks the motives are with couples, most are not looking for single males or at least not primarily looking for single males.

 

#3 - Many swinger couples have had bad experiences with single males so it makes them rather gun shy of even saying hello. This doesn't mean negative sexual experiences but just pushy, vulgar, assholeness online.

 

#4 - Some swingers, myself included, don't think of 99.9% of singles as swingers. It all depends on the definition you use, but swingers like myself see singles as just that singles.

 

#5 - Some of us go a step beyond and wonder what sort of personality traits makes a man a single 'swinger' instead of finding a girlfriend who is open to swinging.

 

The end result is that the onus is on the single male to prove to the couple, he is a nice guy who respects their marriage and both of them. Now there are a minority of couples who might be into the cocky single guy thing, cuckholds and the like, but you won't find many of those.

 

So what you have is a LOT of single guys, at least who claim to be swingers, who are looking for a minority of the population in swinging couples, who's subset is open to single males, which is a minority of a minority.

[CockStamper 26]

These are all valid points, that I appreciate hearing in a concise, cogent manner.

 

The only thing that really jumped out to me was #5, and the reason is that that one touched a nerve. I will tell you why I would rather swing than have a "girlfriend" that swings....

 

The truth is that I just don't want the attachment that all that brings. After being married for 5 years I have made the conscious decision not to jump right into another committed situation. I have enough responsibilities between a job, single fatherhood as the primary custodial parent, and a music career that has helped me travel the world...that a girlfriend now...after just coming off a 5 year marriage that ended poorly is just not an option....

 

BUT I am not a slime ball. My interest also isn't in the one-night stand, shallow under-belly of drunken lust that takes place in bars everywhere....I'm not ugly. I can get laid....But I shouldn't have to degrade myself to that scene either.

 

I find that that scene is strife with lies, and falsehoods carried out to get to the business. And I hate that pretense...it just seems immature to me. I shouldn't have to get a girl drunk and pretend to be interested in her stories if they're not interesting because that is the American tradition of seduction. Then in the morning pretend like I'm gonna call her, and leave with a half-hearted smile on my face. I'd rather deal with people who are upfront about what they want.

 

The former is just not my way...

[fun4Ds 1,098]

So you're saying. We as swingers are just more of a convenient fuck for now... And the stigma of single males is a cock blocker for you?

[quivers4me 49]

Quote

~~#4 - Some swingers, myself included, don't think of 99.9% of singles as swingers. It all depends on the definition you use, but swingers like myself see singles as just that singles.

 

#5 - Some of us go a step beyond and wonder what sort of personality traits makes a man a single 'swinger' instead of finding a girlfriend who is open to swinging.

 

So your saying. We as swingers are just more of a convenient fuck for now..... And the stigma of single males is a cock blocker for you ?~~

 

As a single I want to address both of these replies. I feel singles can be swingers in that they are looking for similar things in the lifestyle that many couples are looking for. People who have an open attitude about sex and feel that sex & love are not the same thing. Please don't take this to mean that I feel couples don't love each other. It has been my experience so far that the couples I've met have great love for each other, respect, trust and all that makes a marriage good. They also have the ability to understand that bringing others into the bedroom is not love, just sex.

 

As a single I am not interested in a committed relationship in this point in my life. I may be at some point and when & if that happens I have no illusions that I will find him in the swinging world. Could happen but I'm not looking for it nor do I want it now. For many of the same reasons as the OP. Just can't handle the emotional aspect of it at this point in my life.

 

I do not see swingers as a *convenient fuck* at all. I see them as a great open minded group of people who view sex & sexuality as I do right now. Like the OP, I can get laid by walking into almost any bar. But that is not what I want. I want to have sexual fun with like-minded people, those who understand and agree it's only sex.