Swinging as an option to explore bisexual desires

[nameofthegame 16]

Hi,

 

I'm 46 and my wife is 50. We have no kids. We've been married now for 13 years. We've loved every minute of it, and I think we have a good relationship. Since we married I have remained completely monogamous.

 

The problem is this: I'm bisexual. Before she and I met, I had several experiences with other men that I found really fulfilling. In fact, they were some of the best sexual experiences in my life.

 

Don't misunderstand. I *love* women. I love, and am still attracted to, my wife. But I'm also attracted to men. To give you some idea, when I watch porn, about 40% of the time I watch gay porn.

 

In the last few years, more and more I've wanted to act on those feelings. So, considering that I like both sexes, I'm thinking one possibility would be to explore swinging with her as a way to meet those needs without simply cheating on her.

 

Is this a common issue? What have others done?

 

Thanks.

[The Fuse 1,012]

If you were a bisexual woman and your husband were straight, I'd say this was very common in swinging. Since the situation is reversed, I can only guess. Male homosexuality tends to be quite closeted among many in the lifestyle. Female homosexuality is encouraged. There is a huge double standard, and you should be prepared to find that lots of swingers are not friendly to this situation. It will probably be more difficult for you to find couples to swing with, but I'll bet you'll find couples with the same needs and desires.

 

The crux of it, though, is that whatever works for you and your wife is what works for you. Hopefully you have spoken to her about this.

[Chicup 41]

If your wife is into you having sex with another man, then yes it can work.

 

Swingers tend to have few openly bisexual men, but they are out there.

 

I've seen a number of profiles where the man is openly bisexual, and even more where it seems to be written in code such as, he is very open minded , or, he will try anything used in places where it doesn't make much sense unless they are trying to convey more than their profile states.

 

A lot of swingers, us included, ignore profiles with bisexual males for a number of reasons, and because of this bisexuality for males is largely underground. Since these couples are often looking for heterosexual encounters as well they won't openly bring it up.

 

Since you are primarily looking for homosexual activity, I'd recommend coming right out and saying it, you really have nothing to hide here. In many ways it may make it easier as you can have a MMF or the like and find what you are looking for.

 

Good luck, hope it works out.

[nameofthegame 16]

If you were a bisexual woman and your husband were straight, I'd say this was very common in swinging. Since the situation is reversed, I can only guess. Male homosexuality tends to be quite closeted among many in the lifestyle. Female homosexuality is encouraged. There is a huge double standard, and you should be prepared to find that lots of swingers are not friendly to this situation.

Damn. Of all places, I would not have expected that here.

 

It will probably be more difficult for you to find couples to swing with, but I'll bet you'll find couples with the same needs and desires.

 

The crux of it, though, is that whatever works for you and your wife is what works for you. Hopefully you have spoken to her about this.

 

Yes. I finally worked up the nerve to tell her about my sexuality. I'm not sure how to ask her about looking into the lifestyle with me.

 

One good thing is that we live in the SF Bay Area, so it shouldn't be as tough as other places.

[realcplub2 513]

First order of business is to talk to her, honestly about HER turn on's and yours. It is the basis for ANY attempt of venturing into this lifestyle. Open and honest conversations.

[slevin 1,374]

Best place to talk about it at first is discussion fantasies while having sex. It tends to be best to elicit what her fantasies are, work with that and introduce your fantasies as well. Get her excited about your fantasies, make your fantasy her fantasy. It's much more powerful to share a fantasy and make it happen than for someone to hear your fantasy and decide to help you make it happen.

 

It's unfortunate about the bi-sexual doublestandard, but it is what it is. It might be surprising within the swinging community, but it's a reflection of general society I think. It's generally considered 'cool' and attractive for a woman to be bi-sexual, but not for men. As others have said, be clear about what it is you're looking for and you'll find it easier. All those bi-sexual men out there will be finding you and happy to find a couple who are up front about what they want.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

The problem is this: I'm bisexual. Before she and I met, I had several experiences with other men that I found really fulfilling. In fact, they were some of the best sexual experiences in my life.

We talk about many alternative lifestyles here. That's how I see it, we are swingers. We live an alternative lifestyle with some things being in our zone and others are just different. This is an open discussion board, so that means you will get viewpoints from all people. Some you may relate to and others may seem conflicting or even viewpoints you may disagree with. You have the choice to listen to some and ignore the others. I like to keep an open mind to all responses.

Don't misunderstand. I *love* women. I love, and am still attracted to, my wife. But I'm also attracted to men. To give you some idea, when I watch porn, about 40% of the time I watch gay porn.

I have learned from my wife, Mrs fun.. Bisexuality can be complex to say the least. Being a straight male, with a bisexual wife. I can say it's not all goody goody for me. Don't get me wrong. I have had some of the best experiences sexually with two and more women. There is allot more to it than just the extraordinary sex. My wife can have feelings for both sexes. Not just sexual, but emotional as well. There is a big difference there. Most men I have found, just like the girls gone wild sex. Many men I have seen love that part Then, cant handle their partners having any kind of attachments that go farther. You would be surprised in real life the relationships that strain over this. Men who are jealous over their wives special attachments, to other women. Its all good when they are in the middle of this. As allot of women start this way. I have always viewed bisexuality as an issue with many levels.

 

Sorry, I have questions. I'll bet your wife has even more .

 

Do you enjoy just the sexual aspect of this?

 

Is this something you have felt emotional attachments, to the men you have been with or someone you currently have in your life?

 

Do you feel your wife would be turned on by the sight of you having sex with another man?

 

What if she is not present?

 

Like I say, it can be complex. I don't speak out of bisexual experience personally. But rather from the experience of having a bisexual partner. There are many different relationships out there. Some with straight males/bisexual wives like us. Some with bisexual couples and some, with straight wives with bisexual husbands. Be prepared to find Straight couples viewpoints as well here.

In the last few years, more and more I've wanted to act on those feelings. So, considering that I like both sexes, I'm thinking one possibility would be to explore swinging with her as a way to meet those needs without simply cheating on her.

Again my opinion is, we live an alternative lifestyle first. Looking at a bigger picture of life, we found where we are personally. Swinging is how we feel fits the description for what we do and enjoy. Swinging and allowing others into our lives sexually, is how we learned to talk about these issues openly, with each other. We took into consideration how others feel, and refined who we are.

Is this a common issue? What have others done?

Yes it a common issue as far as I'm concerned. We opened ourselves to the possibility of and alternative lifestyle. We found we weren't alone. We found some we agree with, some we don't have a connection to. And some we just cant ignore

Damn. Of all places, I would not have expected that here.

Like I say, you have asked a question on an open discussion board. You have to be able to hear all viewpoints. You will find that diversity in the swinging lifestyle. Like it or not. I think you will find Swingers to be open minded as a whole. But there are also individual viewpoints. It never hurts to listen. I for one have a bisexual partner. We don't have to swing with couples with bisexual wives. Mrs.fun finds men sexual as well a women. We found that sometimes for her, there are women that have a special connection. Sometimes it just that.. Sexual... sometimes with women there is more.....

 

I would be a hypocrite to not allow bisexual men the same rights......

Yes. I finally worked up the nerve to tell her about my sexuality. I'm not sure how to ask her about looking into the lifestyle with me.

 

Well that's easy an easy answer... Bring her to the Swingers Board

 

She can discuss this new subject as well. We don't all have the answers to everything but we do share and alternative lifestyle. We have some experiences and this is a great place to hash out our feelings with like minded people. Like others have said though, you may feel swingers are biased at times. We are not as I see it but everyone is entitled to their opinions.

One good thing is that we live in the SF Bay Area, so it shouldn't be as tough as other places

What do you mean by that?

[nameofthegame 16]

Do you enjoy just the sexual aspect of this?

 

Mostly. Thought I can't deny there is an emotional element.

 

Is this something you have felt emotional attachments, to the men you have been with or someone you currently have in your life?

 

Someone before. No, there isn't anyone in my life now.

 

Do you feel your wife would be turned on by the sight of you having sex with another man?

 

Good question. I haven't worked up to asking yet. ;-)

 

What if she is not present?

 

If she wasn't there, it would probably be easier for me. I wouldn't feel good about it. I would rather she knew about it.

 

Yes it a common issue as far as I'm concerned. We opened ourselves to the possibility of and alternative lifestyle. We found we weren't alone. We found some we agree with, some we don't have a connection to. And some we just cant ignore

 

Understood.

 

Well that's easy an easy answer... Bring her to the Swingers Board

True.

 

What do you mean by that?

 

The SF area is a kind of mecca for alternative lifestyles. Was thinking it should be easier to find like-minded folks here than some other areas. Dunno.

[MRSfun 152]

I hope you do talk about this with your wife. Like my husband said, bring her to the board by all means. There is so much your missing in life by not being able to talk with your wife about this. Its true I'm bisexual but there were many years I couldn't talk openly about this. I wanted to, but out of fear of being laughed at I couldn't. Its a long story, but even with women before I became open with the man. It wasn't a very good feeling. Almost, deceitful. Glad those day are behind me now

 

I'm with a very understanding man,Fun4ds. He brought me to the Swingers Board in a way. Hope you find a way to do the same with your wife it really is a great way to bring this sort of topic up.

[cocpl2007 170]

Hi,

 

I'm 46 and my wife is 50. We have no kids. We've been married now for 13 years. We've loved every minute of it, and I think we have a good relationship. Since we married I have remained completely monogamous.

 

The problem is this: I'm bisexual. Before she and I met, I had several experiences with other men that I found really fulfilling. In fact, they were some of the best sexual experiences in my life.

 

Don't misunderstand. I *love* women. I love, and am still attracted to, my wife. But I'm also attracted to men. To give you some idea, when I watch porn, about 40% of the time I watch gay porn.

 

In the last few years, more and more I've wanted to act on those feelings. So, considering that I like both sexes, I'm thinking one possibility would be to explore swinging with her as a way to meet those needs without simply cheating on her.

 

Is this a common issue? What have others done?

 

Thanks.

 

Yes. However not with the male of a married couple. If you are at all familiar with any of the swinger sites on the internet you'll find the vast majority of couples posting include a bi-sexual female. Rare is the bi-sexual male, and even rarer seems to be the couple where both identify themselves as bi-sexual.

 

We have not encountered your situation. Mrs Co discovered her bi-sexual inclination after we had been married for a few years. VERY stereo-typical! Many, many years ago Mr. Co explored the idea of same sex play, but it never evolved into anything more than a passing thought.

 

We'd suggest that you just discuss your thoughts and preferences with your spouse, explore things based upon the videos you are watching together, you just might be surprised at what she already knows about you.

[sexcupid 809]

If she wasn't there, it would probably be easier for me. I wouldn't feel good about it. I would rather she knew about it.

 

Was thinking it should be easier to find like-minded folks here than some other areas. Dunno.

 

Welcome to the board nameofthegame!

 

Now, this quote is what kind of stuck out to me.

 

Are you wanting her to actually join you and play as well...or are you just looking for permission to play with other men?

 

Like others have said, female bi-sexuality is very accepted/encouraged in the LS...male bi-sexuality, not so much (although there are some folks that do advertise themselves as a bi couple...you may be onto something since you do live in SF).

 

Also, since it wasn't quite clear to me...is your wife now aware of your bisexuality? Because first of all...you've been married 13 years...and probably together for longer than that. That is the kind of secret that can destroy a marriage, you know? At the very least, it's going to be a complete paradigm shift for her. Yes, you are the same you that you have been for the last 13 years...but she won't see it that way.

 

I really try not to be too much of a negative nelly...but please be prepared that she may NOT take this well.

 

Do talk to her, let her know. Deal with the fall out, if any. Then worry about broaching the topic of swinging.

 

Good luck! Glad to have you here!

[nameofthegame 16]

nameofthegame, I just wanted to say Welcome to the Swingers Board

 

I hope you do talk about this with your wife.

Thanks. I have. Partially from my talking here, and thinking it over myself, I finally told her.

 

Like my husband said, bring her to the board by all means. There is so much your missing in life by not being able to talk with your wife about this. Its true I'm bisexual but there were many years I couldn't talk openly about this.

 

Same here. Its always been a part of me, but I didn't dare say anything. I think mostly it was somehow counter to how I wanted to see myself.

 

I wanted to, but out of fear of being laughed at I couldn't. Its a long story, but even with women before I became open with the man. It wasn't a very good feeling. Almost, deceitful. Glad those day are behind me now

 

I'm with a very understanding man,Fun4ds. He brought me to the Swingers Board in a way. Hope you find a way to do the same with your wife it really is a great way to bring this sort of topic up.

 

Yeah, I think I'll try to do that.

[nameofthegame 16]

Now, this quote is what kind of stuck out to me.

Are you wanting her to actually join you and play as well...or are you just looking for permission to play with other men?

My preference would be for her to be a part of it *if* I decide to 'scratch the itch'. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, frankly.

 

Also, since it wasn't quite clear to me...is your wife now aware of your bisexuality?

 

She is now. And, she was very understanding about it. I think she is a little shocked, but she definitely isn't having a negative reaction to it. That's a big relief.

 

Because first of all...you've been married 13 years...and probably together for longer than that. That is the kind of secret that can destroy a marriage, you know?

 

Yep. That's part of the reason I told her. In the past, when things got emotionally rocky for me, I tended to see refuge in sex with other men. Well, I'm in a rocky spot right now (just got laid off), and I'm starting feel the need to 'act out' again. So, by telling her, and openly acknowledging it to myself, it will allow me to be more responsible in dealing with it. Or, that's the plan.

 

At the very least, it's going to be a complete paradigm shift for her.

Yes. I don't think it will kill the marriage, but she will definitely see me differently. I'm convinced the gamble is worth it.

 

Yes, you are the same you that you have been for the last 13 years...but she won't see it that way.

 

I really try not to be too much of a negative nelly...but please be prepared that she may NOT take this well.

 

That's a good point. You're right. And, it isn't being negative to have an honest opinion.

 

 

Do talk to her, let her know. Deal with the fall out, if any. Then worry about broaching the topic of swinging.

 

Good luck! Glad to have you here!

 

Will do, and thanks again.

[nameofthegame 16]

I hope you do talk about this with your wife. Like my husband said, bring her to the board by all means. There is so much your missing in life by not being able to talk with your wife about this. Its true I'm bisexual but there were many years I couldn't talk openly about this. I wanted to, but out of fear of being laughed at I couldn't. Its a long story, but even with women before I became open with the man. It wasn't a very good feeling. Almost, deceitful. Glad those day are behind me now

 

I'm with a very understanding man,Fun4ds. He brought me to the Swingers Board in a way. Hope you find a way to do the same with your wife it really is a great way to bring this sort of topic up.

 

That's brings up something else I hadn't got around to asking. Is your own bisexuality something you feel you _have_ to fulfill, or something you _like_ to fulfill? I'm not being moralistic, I simply want to hear about other people's experiences.

[Chicup 41]

That's brings up something else I hadn't got around to asking. Is your own bisexuality something you feel you _have_ to fulfill, or something you _like_ to fulfill? I'm not being moralistic, I simply want to hear about other people's experiences.

 

It is only polite you answer first.

 

Is this something you feel you have to do to make yourself happy or is it just something that fun to do but you can live without?

[nameofthegame 16]

It is only polite you answer first.

Valid point.

 

Is this something you feel you have to do to make yourself happy or is it just something that fun to do but you can live without?

Well, in my younger years, it was something I wanted to ignore about myself. Eventually, I had hoped, it would simply go away. As I get older though, I'm beginning to think it is a 'need' and not a 'want' situation.

 

I'll certainly not die from wanting it, it isn't like a vitamin deficiency, but it seems pretty strong.

 

Dunno. I'm just mostly confused right now.

[Chicup 41]

Have you ever considered the possibility that you might be gay?

 

I mean just sat down and thought honestly without bias, what you would be happiest with if you could remove the social stigma?

 

I ask this because I've seen it before.

[nameofthegame 16]

Have you ever considered the possibility that you might be gay?

 

I mean just sat down and thought honestly without bias, what you would be happiest with if you could remove the social sigma?

 

I ask this because I've seen it before.

 

Yeah, I've thought about it. No, I'm not gay. I still *really* enjoy sex with women. I'd say I'm 60-70% straight and the rest is gay.

 

I enjoy men as a nice addition to women, but not as a substitute. I wouldn't like to be limited to sex with men only.

[avid 134]

Have you ever considered the possibility that you might be gay?

 

I mean just sat down and thought honestly without bias, what you would be happiest with if you could remove the social stigma?

 

I ask this because I've seen it before.

 

I feel I need to ask, Chicup, because I've seen you post a similar comment before. Are you biased on this topic yourself?

[sweet_tna 680]

Thank you for being so open with your feelings. It can't be easy for you to admit all this stuff that you're obviously still working through to a bunch of virtual strangers.

I enjoy men as a nice addition to women, but not as a substitute. I wouldn't like to be limited to sex with men only.

 

This comment resonated with me, as I'm still trying to figure out where I fall on the spectrum of female bisexuality. I know I'll always prefer sex with men, but do enjoy f/f play. But it's only recently that I've discovered this, and it's thrown me for a bit of a loop. Fortunately, Mr. Sweet is very understanding and supportive. Hopefully, your wife will be this way with you, too.

 

Like the others, I highly encourage you to share this board with her. It would go a long way toward opening up discussions about the lifestyle, and whether it's the right path for you both.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

I'm going to ask, because Mrs.fun has different views about bisexuality and where this is going. So from a Curious about Swinging perspective. Do you feel like this swinging lifestyle would allow the doors to be open with your possible, bisexuality. Or would you feel like Swinging, allowing your wife the freedom to express herself, would also allow a convenient path for you to open this topic.

 

Basically, do you want to swap partners (conventional swinging)?

 

I know we found many intersections with how we viewed the lifestyle. I really had no idea about my wife's bisexual feelings until after we began swapping. Sure, I had one main fantasy. Me, Mrs.fun and another male (MFM in the beginning). But I also had thoughts about couple swapping and the orgy factor. My thoughts were maybe absurd. Compared to allot of guys hoping to get their wives to be all with the girl on girl action... with them in the middle. At the time, that was so far out of the realm I just never considered it.... Who knew.... Then one day after a party Mrs.fun said " honey, we really need to talk" At first, Like chicup asked I wondered if Mrs.fun was in fact Gay/lesbian. I cant say I felt threatened. I leaned more toward wondering if some how I had been holding her back in life so many years. It wasn't all about Goody Goody for me. She was right about one thing... We really did need to talk....

 

So again I ask, for the sake of this forum. Do you want to find out about swinging with your wife at your side as your partner, or would you rather open the doors to your wife about your bisexual feelings for now?

 

I hate to sound like I am trying to take away anything you are personally seeking. I understand these are complicated feeling to sort out sometimes. Again, I'm a straight male. I have a bisexual partner with some bisexual friends. I, probably like your wife, perhaps had some things to understand.

[Chicup 41]

I feel I need to ask, Chicup, because I've seen you post a similar comment before. Are you biased on this topic yourself?

 

Well educated in human sexuality. It is a fascinating aspect of human evolutionary biology. I'm biased in terms of what current research shows about male bisexuality.

[avid 134]

While I don't want to interfere with the OP's question, and right to self-identify, I just wanted to note this:

 

"The last thing you want," said Dr. Randall Sell, an assistant professor of clinical socio-medical sciences at Columbia University, "is for some therapists to see this study and start telling bisexual people that they're wrong, that they're really on their way to homosexuality."

 

He added, "We don't know nearly enough about sexual orientation and identity" to jump to these conclusions.

 

Just trying to keep things in perspective, from my point of view on the periphery of the LGBT community.

[Chicup 41]

Just trying to keep things in perspective, from my point of view on the periphery of the LGBT community.

 

I've known personally two 'straight' males, who then were bisexual, and now consider themselves gay.

 

Asking the question is legitimate, it is a far cry from saying 'no you are gay' such as your quote states.

[avid 134]

Asking the question is legitimate

 

I kinda disagree with that. I'm not sure how helpful it is to ask that, and I don't think it's what the OP is asking. I also think we all have the right to call ourselves whatever we want, and we get to define our own terms.

 

it is a far cry from saying 'no you are gay' such as your quote states.

 

You're right.

[Chicup 41]

I kinda disagree with that. I'm not sure how helpful it is to ask that, and I don't think it's what the OP is asking. I also think we all have the right to call ourselves whatever we want, and we get to define our own terms.

 

It is a legitimate question to me because when someone starts talking about something as a need, not just a bit of fun, then it is worth looking at to see what brings maximum happiness/contentment. I think most people know someone, or at least of someone who after years of denial, marriage, kids, finally give up the self deception or stops fighting their nature and comes out as gay.

 

I think the sooner one does so the better off they are.

 

Now I know the gay community doesn't seem to like a lot of the research out there. The one I recall the most was the recent study showing that self identified bisexual women get turned on by MF and FF porn while self identified bisexual men got turned on by EITHER MM or MF/FF but not both. The implication is that most bisexual men are truly either gay or straight, not bisexual. Another such study was a longer term one following bisexual females and bisexual males over a period of time. In that one, the females were almost all still happily bisexual and the males were mostly either now calling themselves gay or had given up on bisexuality and were heterosexual. These studies were attacked by the gay community (and I'm not sure why to be quite honest) but I'm unaware of any counter study done.

 

Still though, just because it is research doesn't make it true. There is plenty of bad science out there that gets published, in fact most of the global warming 'science' out there qualifies as bad science, so I'm sure studies about bisexuality are by no means immune. The fact that the bi-males were self identified can lead to selection bias, and perhaps there are far more married to a woman bisexual males out there who don't fit the research, but who obviously won't come forward as bisexual. It is one thing to make a post about it, its another thing to tell people face to face and volunteer for a study. Despite limitations though, that doesn't mean you ignore the possibility and accept everything at face value.

[nameofthegame 16]

I saw your question last night. It really got my head spinning. That's a good thing. ;-) Here are my thoughts:

 

I'm going to ask, because Mrs.fun has different views about bisexuality and where this is going. So from a Curious about Swinging perspective. Do you feel like this swinging lifestyle would allow the doors to be open with your possible, bisexuality. Or would you feel like Swinging, allowing your wife the freedom to express herself, would also allow a convenient path for you to open this topic.

 

Basically, do you want to swap partners (conventional swinging) ?

 

Well, my wife knows that I'm bi. I've been able to work up the courage to tell her. As far as swinging is concerned, yes I would like to be involved in conventional swapping. But, I also relish the idea of exploring the bi aspects of that for myself too.

 

Frankly, even if my wife were to say N.F.W. to the idea of swinging, I can live with that as long as she accepts my bisexual feelings. That's what matters most. I've been able to confide in her about my sexual desires. That's been great.

 

I will be asking about swinging, but getting my own confusions dealt with is my first priority. I don't think it would be fair to hit her all at once with everything -- especially if I'm not clear on my own stuff first.

 

I know we found many intersections with how we viewed the lifestyle. I really had no idea about my wife's bisexual feelings until after we began swapping. Sure, I had one main fantasy. Me, Mrs.fun and another male (MFM in the beginning). But I also had thoughts about couple swapping and the orgy factor. My thoughts were maybe absurd. Compared to allot of guys hoping to get their wives to be all with the girl on girl action... with them in the middle. At the time, that was so far out of the realm I just never considered it.... Who knew.... Then one day after a party Mrs.fun said " honey, we really need to talk" At first, Like chicup asked I wondered if Mrs.fun was in fact Gay/lesbian. I cant say I felt threatened. I leaned more toward wondering if some how I had been holding her back in life so many years. It wasn't all about Goody Goody for me. She was right about one thing... We really did need to talk....

 

So again I ask, for the sake of this forum. Do you want to find out about swinging with your wife at your side as your partner, or would you rather open the doors to your wife about your bisexual feelings for now ?

 

I have her as a life partner. That won't change. I would like to have her as a partner in the lifestyle. She's now aware about my bi tendencies. If she can live with my sexual feelings but isn't willing to swing, then I wont take it any further.

 

I hate to sound like I am trying to take away anything you are personally seeking. I understand these are complicated feeling to sort out sometimes. Again, I'm a straight male. I have a bisexual partner with some bisexual friends. I, probably like your wife, perhaps had some things to understand.

 

Np. Those are good, honest, questions. It isn't fun to contemplate, but they help me to sort things out. So thanks for asking.

[nameofthegame 16]

I've known personally two 'straight' males, who then were bisexual, and now consider themselves gay.

 

Asking the question is legitimate, its a far cry from saying 'no you are gay' such as your quote states.

 

FWIW, I simply can't see myself living a completely gay lifestyle for any length of time. I enjoy sex with men. I could probably 'live' on it for a time. But I could *never* stop enjoying sex with women as well.

[nameofthegame 16]

The one I recall the most was the recent study showing that self identified bisexual women get turned on by MF and FF porn while self identified bisexual men got turned on by EITHER MM or MF/FF but not both.

 

I like MM and MF porn. Honest. I don't really like FF porn.

[Guest screaminggood]

You sound like a great guy....just a suggestion if you didn't do it automatically:

 

You've written here that you would never want to leave your wife for a man, but in the midst of telling her about your bisexual feelings, did you remember to tell her that you'd never leave her?

 

She's obviously a great wife, and that one reassuring sentence may help open up all sorts of positive possibilities for you. Just wanted to make sure you're remembering her emotions while confused about your own!

[nameofthegame 16]

You've written here that you would never want to leave your wife for a man, but in the midst of telling her about your bisexual feelings, did you remember to tell her that you'd never leave her?

 

Thanks for mentioning that. Yes, I've told her. But, you know, thats something that bears repeating pretty well. I'll make sure that message comes across loud and clear.

[nameofthegame 16]

I kinda disagree with that. I'm not sure how helpful it is to ask that, and I don't think it's what the OP is asking. I also think we all have the right to call ourselves whatever we want, and we get to define our own terms.

 

 

 

You're right.

 

Thanks for your observations. THey're helping me as well.

[Mr.Essex 264]

It can work. Not in the long run, but there are plenty of men in the lifestyle who are willing to be "openminded" and "experimental" (as one of the prior posters stated). As long as you don't start envisioning weekly "You do my wife and I'll do yours, then we'll do each other" parties, you should be fine. IME, though, most "experimental" husbands are just as promiscuous as the "GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY!" homosexual set. IOW, the guy who sucks you off in front of your wife on Saturday will very likely become the guy who won't be able to look you in the eye when you see him in public on Monday. I don't see this situation ending in a satisfactory manner. The idea of a stable MFM/FM~MF/{random combination of M and F}, with the MM connection intact, is so rare as to be aligned with that elusive Single, Attactive, Unattached, Undamaged Female. Good luck, you're going to need it.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

You have talked to your wife now about your bisexuality.

 

What are her concerns or questions?

 

Do you listen and understand her feelings?

[nameofthegame 16]

You have talked to your wife now about your bisexuality.

What are her concerns or questions?

Do you listen and understand her feelings?

 

Yes, I've told her and she's very supportive. That's a huge load off my shoulders.

 

So far she hasn't really voiced any concerns.

[nameofthegame 16]

It can work. Not in the long run, but there are plenty of men in the lifestyle who are willing to be "openminded" and "experimental" (as one of the prior posters stated). As long as you don't start envisioning weekly "You do my wife and I'll do yours, then we'll do each other" parties, you should be fine. IME, though, most "experimental" husbands are just as promiscuous as the "GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY!" homosexual set. IOW, the guy who sucks you off in front of your wife on Saturday will very likely become the guy who won't be able to look you in the eye when you see him in public on Monday. I don't see this situation ending in a satisfactory manner. The idea of a stable MFM/FM~MF/{random combination of M and F}, with the MM connection intact, is so rare as to be aligned with that elusive Single, Attactive, Unattached, Undamaged Female. Good luck, you're going to need it.

 

Well, at least you're direct.

[Mr.Essex 264]

Well, at least you're direct.

 

I didn't want to blow smoke up his ass, so I gave him my opinion. It's the reason why I bolded the "IME" part of my sentence. I've met more than my fair share of people, and (once again, IME), bisexual men are almost always

 

a. Hyper-closeted and ashamed of their feelings

 

or

 

b. Promiscuous to the point of hazard.

 

If his main desire (as far as swinging is concerned) is to coerce his wife into accepting his bisexuality, he has a long row to hoe. 9 times out of 10, if a guy wants to get bi with you, he won't be the type of guy who (if you're so inclined) you'd want to get bi with. Regardless of looks, personality or overall attractiveness level. And his wife will feed off of his emotions and find herself becoming less interested in the lifestyle. A lose-lose situation for all involved.

[Mr.Essex 264]

And, to clarify my position for the person who attacked my reputation, I was talking about bisexual men in context of swinging, not in the context of an interpersonal relationship. I (once again, referring to my experiences) have met my fair share of bisexual people. But, in reference to swinging, I have personally noticed a tendency towards "kids in a candy shop" behavior. And I've been the victim of the "extra hand" on more than one occasion, so my opinion is (to say the elast) skews a bit negative.

[nameofthegame 16]

And, to clarify my position for the person who attacked my reputation, I was talking about bisexual men in context of swinging, not in the context of an interpersonal relationship. I (once again, referring to my experiences) have met my fair share of bisexual people. But, in reference to swinging, I have personally noticed a tendency towards "kids in a candy shop" behavior. And I've been the victim of the "extra hand" on more than one occasion, so my opinion is (to say the elast) skews a bit negative.

 

Eh? No attack was meant. Honest. My point was that you're direct in your opinions. There's no way to mistake the point of view. That isn't a bad thing.

 

No offense was meant.