Caught by family member in a FMF threesome

[STi623 15]

okay I'll give some brief history before i explain myself...

 

-been w/gf for 4+ years committed relationship

-i'm 23 and living at home w/parents (currently in Grad school)

-my gf and i have been having fmf w/a friend of hers on and off for the past 4 months now...everything has been good between all of us

 

okay heres the story,

we (GF, myself and her friend)recently went out to a club over the weekend and the 3 of us came home late...my gf and her friend were spending the nite...no problem we fell asleep...in the morning we started messing around and had sex...

 

however getting caught up in the moment I didnt realize how much noise we were making atleast w/the bed...and my mom BANGED on the door...she basically cussed me out and my GF(the door was never opened) my mom said she knew about everything that was going on and basically told us to get out.

 

My mom never physically saw my gf's friend, but is pretty sure she heard her. My mom told my older sister what was going on...to make matters worse

 

I packed some of my clothes and left my house...i'm currently staying w/a friend but its only short term...i havent spoke to my mom nor any of my family in the last 2 days since i left...i did leave on good terms w/my dad tho.

 

I come from a somewhat traditional Mexican family...my gf had a good relationship w/my mom...but i think its been shattered...my gf is a wreck from what happend...she feels ashamed and emberassed. my mom tried talking to me that morning after she calmed down somewhat...but i refused not knowing what to say...im still a bit lost and dont know what to do in regards to even talking to my mom and having somewhere to stay.

 

my main concern right now is with my mom no longer accepting my gf...my gf and i were planning on moving in together after X-Mas...but now i dont know if we should do it now. I dont want to leave on bad terms with my mom, but i just dont know what to do...i dont think i can live there anymore and much less even bring my gf to my house...i understand that my mom is upset that we "disrespected her house"...(in most Latino families it doesnt matter how old you are, if your still living with your parents you live by their rules!)

 

any help would be appreciated

[fun4Ds 1,098]

It's time to get your own place

[slevin 1,374]

If you care about your girlfriend, you lover her and you want to marry her then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Katrina and I got married even though a number of very close relatives didn't approve. Fuck them, this is our life and our relationship. Any problem they have with it isn't of our concern.

 

Your mom was caught up in the moment though, no need to take a fatalistic view of the situation before you've even talked to her about it. You're 23, go have an open and honest conversation with them. If you have no choice but to live there then either work out an living arrangement between your parents and you that works fine for everyone, or decide to stay there knowing the restrictions.

 

Definitely time to find your own place, especially if you're having loud threesomes!

[jjtrindc 142]

Unfortunately a tough lesson to learn, but I'm sure most on this board probably had a bit too much fun in our parents house growing up that would have resulted in some awkward conversations had we been caught. We agree with the above posters, it's time to find your own place if that is doable. It will not only give you freedom in your sexual activities, but overall in terms of living life as an adult. It wasn't until I moved out (across the country actually), until I became my own person.

 

As for your mom, only you can answer what kind of relationship you want with her. If you want to remain close, then you need to suck it up and apologize. You don't need to apologize for what you were doing, but that you showed disrespect for living in their house according to their rules. I would suggest doing that alone and then again with your g/f present.

[JM153 346]

Hello STI623. From your original post I could not tell what your mother was upset about. Was it the second woman or you having sex with your GF? In either event, you need to have a somewhat frank talk with both your parents. If she is upset about you having premarital sex, then you need to tell her the truth about your relationship. You are a grown man and she may not realize it. She does not have to approve of what you do, but you need to be honest with her. Apparently your father understands and his presence may be helpful in your Mother accepting the fact that you have an adult sex life. If it is the fact that there was a second woman present then you still have to have the conversation, but I would not bring up the second woman unless she does and then I would ask her if she wants to know the truth and if so I would tell her with the expectation that there will be fireworks.

 

Whatever the case, you should learn your parents boundaries and honor them. You should never again violate their boundaries and you should make sure they know you will not. It is not just a Mexican family thing, it is being respectful of others. Find another place to play. And as others have suggested you should find your own place as soon as it is financially possible.

[realcplub2 513]

I agree with JM153.. in part at least

 

Being a parent, regardless of my association with the lifestyle, It would be a situation where, my house my rules.

 

You are looking at the dark side of things, you even pointed out your mother wanted to talk that morning after she calmed down, waiting to get it all out is possibly the worst thing you can do.

 

Believe me, not knowing what to say, is normal.. really what can you say.. HOWEVER, not dealing with it is getting worse.

 

Go talk to your parents, without the GF, and see where the bear shit in the buckwheat.. then you know where it all is at.. and as far as parents accepting her, If they care for YOU, they wouldnt give a shit less if it was BROOMHILDA or ATTILA'S Sister.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

I agree with JM153.. in part at least

 

Being a parent, regardless of my association with the lifestyle, It would be a situation where, my house my rules.

 

My wife and I agree.

 

We were talking about "what if..." we were at a swinger's club and one of our kids walked in. Both of us agreed that neither of us would be upset, and more than likely if we were to talk to them much about it, we'd just want to be like parents in any other situation; offer help if they want it, in the form of advice. Otherwise, have a good time and play safe.

 

As to in our own home? No, we probably would not want that. It's not like we don't know our kids are going to eventually have sex or something. It's just that listening to your daughter banging away isn't our idea of fun. If you want to have sex with ten people at once, fine, but please do it somewhere else.

[lizandtom 512]

You may want to talk to your dad first. Many times dad's are relieved (and even inwardly proud) that their sons are normal and into girls. If you explain to him your trepidation about your mom being so angry about you, your girlfriend and hers, he may be able to approach her and relay some of your concern so within a short period of time she will be much more amiable to talking with you levelheadedly.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Man, can I understand that situation. Many years ago my mom was out of town and my dad was supposed to be sleeping in his shop. I was in my bed with my GF of the time, and my best friend was in my parent's bed with his GF. My Dad opens the door and my buddy throws a pillow at him thinking it was me. My Dad says, "I would like to go to bed..." Needless to say, my Dad walks down the hall and opens my bedroom door and tells me that he is not pleased. Which put the kibash on what we were doing at the time.

 

Talk to your Dad. Depending on your relationship with your mother, talk to her too. Or let your Dad talk to her, he knows her better than you do.

 

Good luck!

 

S

[dodgechevy 149]

Being 23 male and latino (V here). I'm gonna have to say that ignoring your mom isn't helping out at all. I would just say sorry, pretend like the 2nd girl wasn't there (she will probably pretend too) and move out if you want.

 

If your family is like mine, everyone suppresses anything sexual and will want to act like it never happened. In time your girl will be allowed back in.

[STi623 15]

update:

 

thank you to all the responses...a lot of help

 

well its Monday night...I'm still staying w/my friend...

 

I did talk to my dad but he didnt seem to be of much help...he thought the situation was funny and told me to send him a post card if i decide not to come back home...he did tell me that my mom has been stressed out not knowing where ive been and told me to call her.

 

So i called my mom but she was busy w/my grandma and she asked me in a really nice voice if i was going to go home and eat (it made me sick hearing her talk to me that way as if nothing had happend) I dont know if she was talking to me like that to try and convince me to come home or what....

 

Im convinced that i need to talk to my mom and apologize about the sex and what not and im gonna tell her that ive decided to leave (my parents think i dont have any $$$

but i took out a loan for school...so i have more than enough)

 

my main worry right now is about my mom asking me about my GF's friend...should i just completely deny the alligation...i was thinking of telling her it was a porno we had on...sounds believable to me

 

my gf's friend feels really awful right now too...I feel bad for what happened...she told me that she doesnt want to come around anymore...she feels responsible for what happend but i told her it wasnt her fault...it was basically all of ours but mostly myne for not keeping my dick in check :/....but i cant help but feel bad...shes a really caring person and shes been there for me and my gf when we've needed something...i wouldnt want to lose her as our friend but she feels she cant come around anymore...should i tell her to pretend like nothing happened (since thats gonna be my story...she was never there)

 

 

I did talk to a close cousin of myne and he apparently found out what happend from my mom...my aunts and uncles were bothered by what my mom did...i know theyre on my side...

 

i guess after thinking it through and talking to my GF were gonna move out...

[ncmd_couple 597]

STI,

 

Ok, I'm going to put a bit of a different spin on this. I don't know your Mom, and I know that there are cultural differences in Hispanic families, even though I don't know what those differences are. But I figure that people are people.

 

Telling lies is a troublesome thing. The reason I say that is when you tell a lie, you have to tell more lies.

 

You should strongly consider sitting down and talking honestly, and privately, with your Mother. I have had to do this, and though it was frightening in the beginning, in the long run it turned out that it became the basis for a wonderful relationship with my mother.

 

S

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

ncmd_couple

 

So i called my mom but she was busy w/my grandma and she asked me in a really nice voice if i was going to go home and eat (it made me sick hearing her talk to me that way as if nothing had happend) I dont know if she was talking to me like that to try and convince me to come home or what....

 

It's a psychological defensive behavior. Lots of people use it, whether consciously or subconsciously. The 'logic' goes; If you don't think about it, you're not bothered by it. This is your mother's way of handling the situation. I wouldn't be bothered by this. It's also a quiet way of saying she's giving you the space you need (though probably not enough to do it at home again).

 

my main worry right now is about my mom asking me about my GF's friend...should i just completely deny the alligation...i was thinking of telling her it was a porno we had on...sounds believable to me

 

With respect, parents have heard it or done it all before. There's precious few lies you can put in front of parents that they will not immediately see through. They know you better than anyone on the planet, and they WILL see through it.

 

I'm fully with ncmd_couple on this one. Don't lie. What you were doing with your girlfriend and the other woman is your business, not your mothers. She doesn't have a right to know who you were having sex with anymore than you have a right to know what she's doing with your dad. It's your private actions.

 

If she tries to pin you in a corner about it, just stick to your guns and say something like "Mom, I am sorry for disappointing you and upsetting you. Please understand, I am not going to discuss what you want to know, as it is private to me." Repeat it as often as necessary and don't flinch.

 

 

my gf's friend feels really awful right now too...I feel bad for what happened...she told me that she doesnt want to come around anymore...she feels responsible for what happend but i told her it wasnt her fault...it was basically all of ours but mostly myne for not keeping my dick in check :/....but i cant help but feel bad...shes a really caring person and shes been there for me and my gf when we've needed something...i wouldnt want to lose her as our friend but she feels she cant come around anymore...should i tell her to pretend like nothing happened (since thats gonna be my story...she was never there)

 

Again, no stories or lies. Your parents will see right through it. It's bad enough to be caught. Don't make it worse by lying as you will just be caught again.

 

As for your girlfriend's friend, get your own place and invite her back over again for another fun session. Once you have another enjoyable threesome, this will all be water under the bridge.

 

I've seen it time and time again; parents and their offspring have a terrible relationship. The offspring moves out. A few months later, the parents and offspring have a wonderful relationship again.

 

This too, shall pass. Relax. Get your own place. It's time.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Seriously?! You've already left on bad terms by your own choice. Bringing a threesome home to your parents place was an immature move. Grow up and go talk to your mom then get your own place. You are too old to be living at home and if you think you are mature enough to live with your girlfriend then you should be grown up enough to have an honest conversation with your parents AND to get your own place.

[graygo98 148]

Seriously?! You've already left on bad terms by your own choice. Bringing a threesome home to your parents place was an immature move. Grow up and go talk to your mom then get your own place. You are too old to be living at home and if you think you are mature enough to live with your girlfriend then you should be grown up enough to have an honest conversation with your parents AND to get your own place.

 

It may sound a bit harsh to you, but this is the best advice you are ever likely to get.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

You better give your mom an apology. And take your sexual escapades out of her house. Respect her house and her.

 

Until you get married you better make your mother first in your life among ALL women. When you get married, make your wife first among ALL women. I have lived this scenario. You'll find this works.

[jdavisauto 73]

Seriously?! You've already left on bad terms by your own choice. Bringing a threesome home to your parents place was an immature move. Grow up and go talk to your mom then get your own place. You are too old to be living at home and if you think you are mature enough to live with your girlfriend then you should be grown up enough to have an honest conversation with your parents AND to get your own place.

 

Dude you are 23 and still living at home? It's time to get your own place. I move out from home at 17. Had some live in girlfriends in less then 6 months latter. Listen to Julie, she knows what she is talking about. It's past time that you grow up and step up.

[Malachista 170]

Perhaps at 23 your parents should start to see you as a man, not a little boy

[sexcupid 809]

Dude you are 23 and still living at home? It's time to get your own place. I move out from home at 17.

 

j...you have heard of the 'boomerang' generation...those kids that go off to college and after graduation, land back at mom and dad's house (or some never leave while they are pursuing their education). The OP is in the prime age range to be in this group. Things aren't quite like they were 30 years ago when you left home. Hell, there are plenty of folks my age (30) that still live with their parents for either economic or continuing education reasons.

 

 

Perhaps at 23 your parents should start to see you as a man, not a little boy

 

True to an extent. But here's the kicker...he's living at home with mom and dad...it's hard to have your parents view you as an adult when you are sleeping in the room you grew up in, probably still doing your laundry, cooking, etc for you.

 

OP...you never said if you were one of those 'boomerang' kids or if you've just never left home. After age 18, if you are still living at home and are legally an adult...act like one. Sit down and actually negotiate a set of rules with them (curfew, rent, chores/responsibilities, if overnight guests are allowed, etc).

 

As someone who also has student loan money...dude, it totally doesn't strech as far as you think. If you aren't working some sort of regular job (or workstudy, fellowship, or being a TA) while studying for your degree...the money goes quick. Is your girlfriend willing to support you and pay the bills?

 

I've also been on the recieving end of a pissed off mother yelling at me and my (now ex-) boyfriend after we got caught in his room messing around...I was in high school. She yelled, bitched, cast aspersions on my upbringing, threatened to call my mother and grandmother (she knew both of them). And you know what...I didn't set foot in that house for almost a year. She was cordial to me on the phone when I called to talk to my BF...but I still wasn't comfortable going back into her home until Christmas the next year (hey, safety in numbers lol). So...lay off the girlfriend's friend, she'll come around when she's damned good and ready.

 

There is plenty of blame to go around...between you and the 2 girls that didn't have enough sense to either not fuck around in the daylight hours when other members of the household would be awake to not finding some place else to crash that night...sure there's something to be said for the possibility of getting caught adding to the excitement...but you've found out first hand how much it can suck to actually get caught. lmao

[Mr.Essex 264]

If you aren't paying rent and utilities, and you aren't physically out of earshot, you shouldn't be having sex in your parents' house. Period. I've been there, and it isn't pretty. There's nothing more awkward than having your great-aunt find a thong in her couch, or having her ask you about a cold because "There's mucus on the shower floor." Old enough to fuck, old enough to pay for your own place.

[STi623 15]

Update:

well i read everyones comments and ehh...some i liked and some well i just didnt agree w/ but i appreciate the time and effort on everyones behalf...sexcupid thnx

 

so anyway...after talking to my mom...I did apologize about what happend w/my gf and i...but i did deny that her friend had spent the night...my mom didnt really seem to question me on that so...Im assuming she believed me...however she did say she didnt like my gf's friend at all...I tried changing the topic and tried focusing on what the real problem was other than the friend.

 

I just basically told my mom that if im to leave my house i dont want to leave on bad terms and have this incident hanging over our heads for the rest of my life. I went on to tell her about the issues i have reagarding the way im treated by her and my dad.

 

i told her about the loan i took out and told her about my intentions on moving out w/my gf. She said she was okay w/it...

 

dam sorry guys im really tired right now...i'll finish w/the update tommorow

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Update:

well i read everyones comments and ehh...some i liked and some well i just didnt agree w/ but i appreciate the time and effort on everyones behalf...sexcupid thnx

 

so anyway...after talking to my mom...I did apologize about what happend w/my gf and i...but i did deny that her friend had spent the night...my mom didnt really seem to question me on that so...Im assuming she believed me...however she did say she didnt like my gf's friend at all...I tried changing the topic and tried focusing on what the real problem was other than the friend.

 

I just basically told my mom that if im to leave my house i dont want to leave on bad terms and have this incident hanging over our heads for the rest of my life. I went on to tell her about the issues i have reagarding the way im treated by her and my dad.

 

i told her about the loan i took out and told her about my intentions on moving out w/my gf. She said she was okay w/it...

 

dam sorry guys im really tired right now...i'll finish w/the update tommorow

 

So do you concider yourself a swinger ?

[STi623 15]

So do you concider yourself a swinger ?

 

thats a good question...which i dont i think i could answer yet...I think my GF and I are still experimenting sexually right now...i guess trying to figure things out...she knows shes bisexual for a fact and shes come to accept that...but were really gonna relax for a while until we get ourselves situated with our own place.

 

i came back home tonite after talking to my mom and my GF and i are currently hunting for an apartment.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Well thats cool

[Malachista 170]

True to an extent. But here's the kicker...he's living at home with mom and dad...it's hard to have your parents view you as an adult when you are sleeping in the room you grew up in, probably still doing your laundry, cooking, etc for you.

 

I don't know if it is yet another European thing, or if I was just lucky, but I was with multible guys still living at home (for multiple reasons, some payed rent, some did not), but there was never any problem about having sex in their home (no matter if they were present at the time, or not)

[STi623 15]

^^^

then I wish i was Euro...haha...i dont know i think its just a cultural thing being from a Latino Family and + my family is old school!!!

[fun4Ds 1,098]

^^^

then I wish i was Euro...haha...i dont know i think its just a cultural thing being from a Latino Family and + my family is old school!!!

 

Ya know, thats not just a Latino thing. When I'm at our parents house we show respect for their wishes. Then again when our parents are at our house its mutual..... Its about being on your own. You'll see ....

[cocpl2007 170]

It's time to get your own place

 

Nope, don't agree. Should have had your own place when your gf started spending the night!

 

It is a matter of respect. You are living in your parents home. It is their rules.

 

On the upside, with the housing market such as it is, you may find a reasonably priced place!

 

The Cos

[STi623 15]

Nope, don't agree. Should have had your own place when your gf started spending the night!

 

It is a matter of respect. You are living in your parents home. It is their rules.

 

On the upside, with the housing market such as it is, you may find a reasonably priced place!

 

The Cos

 

 

ehh...we've been together 5 years...my mom kind of got over the fact that she was spending the nite...the bigger issue was that we were making a lot of noise...(my fault)

 

in regards to housing... its expensive here in Los Angeles...but ehh i didnt take out any loans for my Bachelors so it wont hurt me too much now that i took out a loan for Grad School...too much talking

 

Basically if your renting a big place you might is well just buy a house...renting in LA isn't cheap...buying a house is a different story...but times are hard for most

 

 

heres a small update we found a few apartments...gonna go fill out applications on Monday.